Running head: THE DANGERS OF TOXIC MASCULINITY 1

The Dangers of Toxic Masculinity

and the Public Interest Writer’s Duty of Bringing Attention to It

Stephanie Santiful

East Carolina University

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Abstract

This paper addresses the many issues that toxic masculinity causes for women and others,

especially when it comes to online dating. While there is no true definition of toxic masculinity,

an explanation of the concept is that it is attachment to traditional male gender roles that expect

and boys and men to avoid showing emotions that they deem feminine and to assert their

dominance over others. Toxic masculinity seems to be the root of most issues involving

harassment in the online dating setting. Unfortunately, if men are able to mask their willingness

(or do not realize it) women may end up in relationships, which can lead to various forms of

domestic and other violence. To create a safer online dating experience for women and other

genders that date men, it is important that toxic masculinity be culled from society. Otherwise,

the dangers of online dating websites will continue to increase and women (and others who date

men) will risk mental, emotional, and/or physical abuse and perhaps even death. Society will

also suffer at the hands of toxic masculinity and the men who uphold it.

Keywords: toxic masculinity, online dating, men, dating websites, dating apps, mass

shootings
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The Dangers of Toxic Masculinity

and the Public Interest Writer’s Duty of Bringing Attention to It

When it comes to dating, the potential dangers women face is unequal when compared to

the issues single men may endure. With online dating steadily becoming the primary way to meet

people, many men find themselves hoping that the woman they are messaging in hopes of

meeting for a date actually end up looking like the photos she’s posted. The women, on the other

hand, are hoping that this chance to connect does not lead them to being yet another statistic in

the many crimes against women. In a perfect world, individuals, regardless of their gender,

would be able to accept or decline invitations to date without fear. Unfortunately, as it stands,

women (and trans women) have a reason to be afraid of who they date, and especially, who they

reject. In most cases, this reason is directly related to toxic masculinity.

As of today, there has not been a defined definition of “toxic masculinity.” However, the

general consensus is that it is the adherence to and participation in the common concept that boys

and men should not reveal emotions that allow them to appear weak, and that they should assert

their dominance over others. This concept becomes extremely dangerous when it comes to

dating. It also plays a factor in many of the common issues that society faces such as the murder

of trans women and domestic terrorism such as mass shootings. If society fails to address the

enormous issue of toxic masculinity, it will continue to suffer as a whole. Toxic masculinity does

not just affect women. It affects all individuals regardless of age or gender. To ignore the

problems toxic masculinity causes is a dangerous to society. Public interest writers would do a

disservice to the general public if they do not shine a light on a topic that has often been ignored

for several years.

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Don’t Blame the Internet

For many individuals, finding someone to fall in love with is an important desire. The

traditional act of getting married and raising children is a concept that some people hope to

obtain, whether it be to carry on one’s family line or simply to continue on the human race.

Unfortunately, the constant demand of work and rising costs of entertainment often force people

in the dating pool to rely on free or low-cost dating websites that allow people to “meet” others

at the click of a button without having to leave their homes. Some would argue that people

(especially women) looking for love should not bother with online dating. In fact, a quick

Google search yields numerous articles that state why online dating is a bad idea. Anderson

(2016) claims that five reasons online dating does not work is because: men’s dating profiles are

dishonest, most men are only looking for sex, dating websites are full of scammers, relationships

between people who meet online don’t last, and online dating makes users too disapproving and

hypercritical. While there may be truth to these five explanations for why people (and more

specifically, women) should avoid online dating, perhaps the internet is not the problem. Chances

are, it is the men guilty of performing these acts. Blaming the internet for the negative and

horrible things men do to women is using a valuable resource as a scapegoat to place blame on

the victims. Dating sites that do little (or nothing) to protect women from this type of behavior

should also shoulder the responsibility. Doward and Urquhart (2013) state that the anti-stalking

group, Paladin, has received several requests from help from women who met violent men

online. This group claims to have received numerous referrals from women who stated that the

men they met via online dating profiles had resorted to either mental, emotional, or physical

abuse. The authors did not mention any cases where any of the victims were men. Similarly, Paul

(2018) sites a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, which claims that “women
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who date are more likely to be in danger of domestic abuse than married women…” (para. 4).

One issue Paul (2018) mentions is cited by an interview she had with a director at the National

Network to End Domestic Violence, Beth Meeks. Meeks states that “Dating apps allow people to

present a very cleaned-up version of themselves” (as cited by Paul, 2018). She recalls a situation

where a woman blamed the “isolating nature” of online dating apps, which worked to prevent her

from seeing her abusive partner’s shortcomings early in the relationship. Often times, men make

women aware about their potential to be inappropriate and abusive within the first few messages.

This is proven by Hess and Flores’s (2018) study of Tinder Nightmares, which “primarily serves

as a space to document crude performances of mas- culinity and the ways male Tinder users

attempt to engage with women” (p. 1091).

If the internet is a cesspool of horrible individuals looking to prey on unsuspecting people

looking for love, why then does it seem so many cases of stalking and/or domestic abuse from

partners who met on online dating websites seem to have women as the main victims? Women

have as much access to the internet as men. They are also capable of behaving just as

inappropriately as men. Yet, so many cases of stalking and online dating crimes are committed

by men. This leads one to think that perhaps the internet is not the problem—it is men.

Of course, not all men are guilty of stalking and/or using online dating profiles to take

advantage of women. There are likely numerous women who met their boyfriends, husbands,

and/or partners using online dating websites. However, it seems as though the chance of meeting

a man only interested in taking advantage of women is higher than the chance of meeting one

who is looking for love. Why are so many men are compelled to behave poorly and negatively

against women? What makes some men want to harm women? The culprit is likely toxic

masculinity.
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Toxic Masculinity

Though there does not seem to be an official definition of “toxic masculinity” Viramontes

(2016) defines it as the “socially constructed norms that define masculinity” such as “physically

strong, unsentimental, and assertive” (para. 1). In short, toxic masculinity is the manner in which

some men behave that can be damaging and destructive to themselves and to others. The startling

thing about toxic masculinity is that one does not have to directly or indirectly know a man who

participates in this phenomenon to suffer the consequences of it. Viramontes (2016) states that:

It is important to underline that toxic masculinity relates to the cultural

perspective given to masculinity, not the biological traits of the male gender. It is

founded upon societal norms that frame cisgender men as the domineering

gender, creating harmful stereotypes that incite violence and sexism across

cultures. In addition, toxic masculinity disregards non-conforming genders, and

imposes gender binarism, the belief that only two genders exist.

Toxic masculinity enforces the societal ideology that males must attain control in

relationships, the household, and in most public situations. This attitude promotes

aversion towards expressing emotions that would be deemed as feminine for fear

of emasculation. This is directly linked to the misogynistic mentality that male

qualities are superior to feminine qualities (2016, para. 3–4).

Perhaps toxic masculinity has nothing to do with those instances where men prey on

women financially. However, in situations where men commit domestic abuse, physical assault,

or when men use the anonymity of the internet to harass women, toxic masculinity is likely the

cause. In the case of the latter, Parent, Gobble, and Rochlen (2018) state that “Online interactions

are a potential fertile ground for the prolif- eration of toxic masculinity” (p. 2). This is mostly
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due to the anonymity the internet may provide. Even in cases where user are not anonymous, the

fact that they are not face-to-face may convince men to display characteristics of toxic

masculinity.

A search using the popular social media website, Twitter, displayed several tweets from

users citing the problems with toxic masculinity.

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It seems that the agreed upon understanding of toxic masculinity is when men use the

construct of masculinity to endanger themselves and others. Rosie’s tweet (2018) reveals that

certain actions such as crying, showing emotion, or being sensitive are things that men who

participate in toxic masculinity believe to be weaknesses. There have been countless movies,

television shows, and even real-life situations where a man experiencing emotions such as

crying, or sadness are told to “man up.” More importantly, public interest writers must be aware
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of the things they write to ensure that it does not support the concept of toxic masculinity or

simply ignoring it. One issue in which many pubic interest writers failed to callout toxic

masculinity in writing involving the scandal in which Donald Trump referred to vulgar

comments about women and the things he does to them as “locker room talk.” While numerous

articles reported what he said, very few mentioned the problems with what he said. It seems that

many writers assumed that readers understand what he said was inappropriate. This would have

been an opportune time to mention toxic masculinity and rape culture, and while some did,

others simply did not.

Donald Trump, whom many of his critics have claimed is unemotional and overly

aggressive, seems to display the common characteristics of toxic masculinity. This seems to

support the idea that men who are not allowed to (or can’t) experience, accept, and be in tune

with their emotions may cause for other people. Toxic masculinity can lead a man to believe that

he should be control of the clothing that his wife (or girlfriend or domestic partner) wears, the

places she goes, and the people she interacts with. In other words, he is led to believe that he

should be in complete control of his significant other. This means that when she does something

outside of what he (and others who participate in toxic masculinity) believes is proper behavior

for her, he feels that he must do something to rectify that behavior. An example of this is a post

by user sydney_stalks_me found on the sub forum found on Reddit, r/changemyview, in which

he complains to other forum users.

Another user on the forum The Student Room had a similar belief.
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While these two users did not indicate that they have stated anything to their significant

others or did something in which they believed “corrected” the issue, it shows that many men

and boys feel that women should only behave in a manner that men feel appropriate. Several

other posts, which can be found on social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and various forums

and websites reveal men indicating how they would never allow their significant others to dress

or behave a certain way that they deemed inappropriate or disrespectful to the him. In the

previous images as well as other posts found online, the men never seem to acknowledge that

women have a right to wear whatever they choose. It seems that in their thinking, a woman’s

sole purpose when it comes to clothing is to wear what her significant other (or even random

men) deems appropriate for him. In fact, in 2014, a model and TV presenter in India was slapped

by a male audience member for wearing clothes that he felt were too revealing (Siciliano, 2014,

para. 1).

When Toxic Masculinity Marries Online Dating Websites

If toxic masculinity can cause a man to hit a woman for how she is dressed, then it has

the potential to cause men to do several other abusive things. It is quite possible that if one were

to ask any woman with experience in online dating, she will tell reply that she has been on the

receiving end of online harassment.

Dating apps and websites such a Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid are composed of

hundreds of people looking to connect. Most interactions on online dating websites start out the
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say way. One person will message another person and hope for a response back. While a user has

full control of who they respond to, often times they do not have control over who initiates

contact. Therefore, a man could send a message to a woman, and she would receive it. However,

it is up to the woman to decide whether or not she wants to respond back. Sometimes a woman

will respond, which may lead to a date between two, consenting adults. Other times, she may

simply ignore the message. Two things can happen if a woman chooses not to respond back to a

message from a man who is interested in her. The first is that he realizes she is not interested and

decides not to contact her again. The second is that he messages her again (or multiple times)

with the hope that she replies. In the latter situation, these messages can start out harmless, but

will often progressively get worse. Common messages many women have endured resulted in

insults, name calling, and threats of rape and violence.

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These messages show that if a woman ignores a man’s message on a dating site or

declines the chance to interact with them, the man often responds to the rejection in a cruel

manner. Instagram accounts such as Bye Felipe (@byefelipe) and Tinder Nightmares

(@tindernightmares) demonstrate what women face every day when dealing with men who

message them on online dating websites and apps. A 2016 recent study by Consumer Research

found that 57 percent of females versus 21 percent of males respondents experienced feelings of

harassment (Burgess, 2016). Again, it seems that men behave the worse when it comes to

interacting with others via online dating. For these men, the act of being rejected, of being told

“no” activates something within them that causes them to immediately lash out. It is likely that

when it comes to their interactions with women, they have been taught to expect to get what they

want. After all, men who behave aggresively and dominantly in action movies always seem to
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get the girl. Even cartoon charcters who behave inapprotiately such as the “Family Guy”

character, Peter Griffin, has what other characters refer to as an attractive wife.

Identifying Potential Toxic Masculinity Predators

It is imperative to recognize that not all predators who prey on women are supporters of

toxic masculinity. There can be and have been sensitive, emotional men who also use online

dating websites to leech onto women. These men are often difficult to spot because they do not

show the same warning signs and red flags as men who uphold toxic masculinity. However, for

those who do defend toxic masculinity, the warning signals are much easier to recgonize.

The most obvious sign is reacting negatively toward rejection and disinterest.

Unfortnately, if a woman does not initially reject a man who maintains toxic masculinity

behaviors, she may not be aware of what she is getting in to. Another charateristic of toxic

masculine men is the manner in which they speak of and about women. Many women have

vocally complained about men who refer to women as “females” or “girls” rather than “women”

or “ladies.” Some women often have an issue with being referred to simply as “female” because

the word is used to describe the sex of animals, not people.

Even comments that seem to be positive can be a sign that there is a level of perhaps unrealized

disrespect.
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Of course, not all women take offense to being called female. Though it does lead to the question

of why it is used so often to describe women when words like women and ladies exist? Referring

to men as “males” seems to be far less used.

Kirabo (2017) believes that three forms of toxic masculinity that men need to leave

behind are “harassment, misogynoir, and misunderstanding consent” (Kirabo, 2017, p. ).

Situations where men send sexually inapprorpiate messages to women on dating websites (or

other forms of social media) is a form of harassment. Acts of misogyny such as believing women

are subhuman and treating them as such runs rampant in the culture of toxic masculinty.

Arguably, the most frightening forms of the three Kirabo (2017) mentioned is misunderstanding

consent. Whether it be intentional or unintentional, the lack of understanding consent leads to

rape culture. Men believing that they must push women out of their comfort zone or that no

really means yes and a woman is simply playing hard to get often results in unwanted sexual

advances and even rape.

Levy (2018) states that some traits people who date men need to look out for when it

comes to toxic masculinity are:

 Manhood that is defined by violence, sex, status and aggression

 Men who believe that men should not be interested in “feminine things” as it is a
sign of weakness
 Men should not display emotional vulnerability of other “feminine” traits
 Men who feel that it is impossible for men and women to be nothing more than
friends and not sexually interested with each other
 Men should not show signs of shame or weakness or they are not strong
 Using violence and anger to solve problems
 Men who believe it is a woman’s job to raise children (Levy, 2018).
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What some seem to be unsure of is when and how toxic masculinty is learned and

whether it is possible to prevent the trend of toxic masculinity by focusing on boys and

teenagers? Some psychologists believe that men who display signs of violence and bullying have

often been doing so since their childhood (Rogers, 2018). Rogers cites the words of pyschologist,

Terrie Moffitt, who states that:

“Grown-ups who use aggression, intimidation, and force to get what they want

have invariably been pushing other people around since their very early

childhood,” Moffitt says via email from a rural vacation in New Zealand. “Their

mothers report they were difficult babies, nursery day-care workers say they are

difficult to control, and when all the other kids give up hitting and settle in as

primary school pupils, teachers say they don’t. Their record of violating the rights

of others begins surprisingly early, and goes forward from there (Rogers, 2018,

para. 6).

Does Moffitt’s explanation mean that there is no help for the percentage of men who participate

in toxic masculinity that harms women (and others)? Or should an effort be made to help them

stray from the path of growing into men who willingly harm others? With the #MeToo

movement (which calls out sexual harassers and abusers, often in extremely high places) and

school and other mass shootings, which are almost always done by men (Rogers, 2018) it is

obvious that there is a problem with many men, and it is imperative that something be done

about it. Public interest writers cannot be expected to solve the problem of toxic masculinity, but

they can certainly do their part in being aware of how they report instances of toxic masculinity,

by referring to it as such.

Threats Lead to Much Worse

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As stressful and frightening as threats are, if all threats by men who rely on toxic

masculinity were nothing more than empty threats, many women would learn how to adapt to

them. Women, after all, have taken to blocking men, “doxxing” (the act of exposing identifying

information about a person such as their full name or where they work), and simply ignoring

men who harass them on online dating profiles. Sadly, in many cases, some men fully intend to

carry out their threats, and often times, they are successful. There have been numerous cases in

which a woman was abused, beaten, or murdered by her former or current lover. There have even

been cases in which women have been murdered for turning down the advancements of men.

Each of the sad and senseless acts of violence stems from toxic masculinity.

Kutner’s (2016) article posted on Mic lists 14 women who were violently attacked by

either their boyfriends, husbands, or men whose advances they had rebuffed. One case involving

Caroline Nosal and Christopher O’Kroley shows what happens when toxic masculinity cause

men to believe that they are entitled to women. O’Kroley shot and killed Nosal because she

“rejected his romantic advances” and stated that he “wanted more” from the relationship after

she had turned him down (as cited by Kutner, 2016, para. 1). Kutner (2016) states that men like

O’Kroley would rather take a life before they take no for an answer. Kutner’s article continues to

list shocking cases in which men attacked or killed women for no other reason than they were

told “no”. In 2015, Adrian Loya, after being obsessed with Lisa Trubnikova, a married colleague

of his who repeatedly turned down his advances, planted bombs outside of Trubnikova’s home,

broke in, shot and killed her Trubnikova’s wife, and critically injured Trubnikova (Kutner, 2016).

Another 2015 case involved a 49-year-old woman in San Francisco who turned down a

stranger’s request for a date while standing on the street. Enraged by the rejection, the man

punched her twice in the face, which caused her to lose consciousness (Kutner, 2016). In Iowa
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City, Andrea Farrington turned down a mall security guard by the name of Alexander Kozak who

left notes on her car that revealed his interest in her. Kozak shot Farrington three times in the

back while she was at work (Kutner, 2016). Another case took place in Washington D.C. where

comedian Paris Sashay and her sister were walking to their car when a group of men started to

harass them. Sashay and her sister declined the men’s advances. Angry about being rejected, the

men attacked Sashay, covering her face with bruises, chipping her tooth, and leaving her

unconscious on the ground (Kutner, 2016).

Over and over again, these types of situations seem to happen to women whether they are

already dating a man or have never met him a day in their lives. While the chance of the same

happening in reverse is possible, it is not nearly as likely. A Google search with the term “woman

attacks man for rejecting her advances” only seems to retrieve results of the opposite. In fact, it

took until page three to find two results that fit the search’s criteria. The first details the story of a

woman, CrossFit athlete Emily Abbott, who used social media to complain about a man she

matched with on a dating app who sent her a message, which complained that her body was too

manly for her (Brown, 2017). However, it took having to click on another link related to this one

to find the actual situation that took place. Brown’s post entitled “Woman Has Online Meltdown

After Being Rejected by a Man for Being too Muscular” does not seem to adequately state the

situation. In fact, the supposed “meltdown” was the following text she posted on social media:

This is the kind of b******t that I have to put up with... this isn't the first time

either. And I know lots of ladies who deal with this kind of b******t too. Be nice

to people out there my friends- everyone is fighting a hard battle. Oh yes and this

fuels me to train even harder. Thanks[,] Dave for the inspiration! (as cited by

Michallon, 2017, para. 10–11).

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It is interesting that Brown (a man) refers to Abbot as having a “meltdown” when the reaction

did not lead to the man who insulted her getting injured or harmed in any way.

The second article pulled from the Google search told the story of Rebecca Lynn Phelps,

a 31-year-old woman who was arrested on domestic battery charges for scratching the father of

her children over the eye for refusing to have sex with her. Phelps had also been previously

arrested for attacking a man who declined to have sex with her (Musumeci, 2018). Phelps’

behavior shows that women are not immune to violence and aggressiveness when faced with

rejection. However, it seems that instances of them behaving violently when their advances are

thwarted do not occur as often as men. Why is it that most women seem to use other methods to

handle their rejection such as not reacting, complaining on social media, or talking to friends

about it instead of attacking the man who rejected them? The fewer instances of women

responding violently or harassing men who rejected them seem to support the belief that toxic

masculinity is the cause of this violent behavior in men.

Violence Against Trans Women

Cis women (women whose biological sex is female and who identify their gender as

such) are not the only women who must deal with the dangerous consequences of toxic

masculinity. An influx of trans women have been murdered by men. In fact, 29 deaths (the most

ever recorded) of trans women were tracked by advocates in the year 2017 (Human Rights

Campaign, 2018). For 2018, this number is only slightly decreased with (so far) a total of 22

deaths of trans women. Due to transphobia and toxic masculinity, many cis men feel that trans

women do not deserve a right to exist. On top of that, many secretly get involved in sexual

relationships with trans women only to murder them when they start to worry that they will be

“exposed” for dating a trans woman.

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Trans women also have to deal with threats and harassment when online dating. Often

times, men will write on their profile insulting and derogatory comments such as “no trannies” or

“no chicks with d**ks.” If a man happens to express interest in a trans woman via an online

dating app or website, like cis women, she will have to worry about whether or not meeting him

will result in violence or even death. Dating apps and websites for LGBT+ individuals may help

a little to eliminate the potential threat of some violent cis men who plan to seek harm on trans

women. However, most of these apps have no way of knowing who is using them. This means

that a culprit can simply pretend to be of the LGBT+ community to prey on trans women.

What Should Society Do

There are many websites and blog posts encouraging women to take steps to keep

themselves protected if they choose to online date. While this is helpful, it can only do so much.

The best way to keep women and trans women safe is for society to put an effort into eliminating

(or at least decreasing) toxic masculinity. More importantly, men should be willing and

motivated to take on this effort by teaching other men the dangers of toxic masculinity and why

it should be dismantled. Finally, public interest writers should realize that they cannot afford to

be impartial when writing about cases of toxic masculinity.

Robinson (2018) claims that there are 10 things men can do to begin breaking down and

destroying toxic masculinity. The first is that men should learn to speak out. To stop other men,

including their friends, in their tracks when they notice that what is being said conforms to toxic

masculinity standards. The second is that men should abolish the belief that men should work all

the time while women are expected to tend to children. The third is that men should refrain from

teaching boys not to show their emotions. The fourth is calling out internet trolls who perpetuate

“toxic thinking.” The fifth is they should pay attention to what sources younger boys and teens
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are getting their information from. The sixth is that men should not give up on others. They

should try their best to keep encouraging other men (and themselves) to keep doing the right

thing. The seventh is to boycott any and everything that supports that toxic masculinity mind

frame such as company advertisements and celebrities. The eighth is to be open with other men

and be willing to show vulnerability with them. The ninth is to try to perform kind gestures daily

without expecting anything in return. And finally, the tenth is realizing that destroying toxic

masculinity is a revolution (Robinson, 2018).

Toxic masculinity is not only problematic for women. It also causes problems for men.

Due to the harsh standards of toxic masculinity, men who are sensitive, effeminate, emotionally

open, or have less of an interest in following gender norms often feel like they must play a role

of the “manly man” to keep other men from harassing or looking down on them. Another

problem caused by toxic masculinity affects society as a whole—the issue of mass shootings and

domestic terrorism. According to Wright (2018) of all shootings since 1982 only three have been

committed by women (para. 3). Women mass shooters are so rare that the topic itself has not

been studied (Garabarino as cited by Wright). Haider (2016) argues that news broadcasters’

conflict on whether the Orlando shooting that took place at an LGBT nightclub was homophobic

hate crime or terrorism failed to acknowledge that “two frames should not be taken as cause and

effect but as problems that share a common ailment: the presence of toxic masculinities” (p.

555). All the men who committed these shootings had feelings of entitlement. They killed not

because they had to, but because they felt they were owed something or wrong and that others

needed to suffer because of it. This way of thinking combined with the ease of acquiring firearms

in the United States create a disastrous combination. People of all genders and ages are at risk of

being murdered by a man who believes that others deserve to die if he is not allowed to get what
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he wants. The act of “making someone pay” when one feels wronged is a cornerstone of toxic

masculinity. Allowing toxic masculinity to exist leads to the death of innocent people. These

senseless deaths shake the fabric of society while also encouraging us to become complacent due

to how often it happens. Creating stricter gun laws helps, but it does not rectify the problem.

While fewer guns would definitely contribute to less deaths from mass shootings, violent men

may try find other ways to kill others such as arson, poisoning, or vehicular manslaughter. This is

why it is important to bring attention to the dangers of toxic masculinity, and then eliminate it.

Taking away someone’s weapon may slow them down, but it will not stop him. Not when all he

has been taught is to punish others when he feels he has been wronged.

Eliminating toxic masculinity will also limit an issue that seems to go hand in hand with

it—rape culture. With the standards of toxic masculinity gone, men will understand that being

told “no” or being rejected has nothing to do with their self-worth. They will also realize that

they are not entitled to sex with a woman regardless of how much attention he may have given,

how much money he may have spent on her, or how much he desperately wants to be with her.

He will understand that “no” does not mean to keep asking until a woman changes her mind. He

will accept it for a definite statement and move on. Removing toxic masculinity from one’s life

helps to increase happiness by allowing men to realize that their behaviors do not have to follow

a hyper aggressive, inappropriate guide of how to be a man. With the threat of toxic masculinity

gone, men will have the opportunity to be themselves without having to conform to what they

believe are societal norms or social standards. Public interest writers must recognize instances of

toxic masculinity and spell them out in plain language for their audiences. Not mentioning the

fact that the Orlando shooting was grounded in toxic masculinity did a disservice to those readers

who are unaware of what toxic masculinity is.

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Making it Safer to Live and Love

It is no question that the way society is currently set up makes it difficult to find love.

Dating apps and websites tend to remove the act of interacting with someone simply because one

may feel that their photos are unappealing, or they have a few typos on their dating profile.

Regardless if it is by strangers on the internet or in person, rejection hurts. Being turned down

without knowing why can be crippling for one’s self-esteem. Many people rely on dating apps

and websites to make connections, which they hope will lead to relationships. While others are

only looking to hook up. Whatever causes someone to sign up for a dating site, the threat of

knowing they could be harassed, stalked, or murdered by turning someone down should not

exist. Woman being insulted by men while on dating sites should not be one of those things that

“comes with the territory.” It should not be so common that websites are created where hundreds

of women share their experiences. Similarly, women should not be made to feel as though the

only way to escape being attacked or murdered by a man who has expressed romantic interest in

them in person is to provide a fake number or pretend to show interest back. Likewise, when

women bring up these issues, a man’s first response should not be to tell women that they should

“just say no.” If men understand the dangers of toxic masculinity, they would be aware of what

can happen to a woman when she says “no.”

There is no cure all to fix dating sites. However, putting in the effort to start dismantling

toxic masculinity will definitely start to help women (and men) feel as though they can take more

of a chance when using them. Threats are not something to ignore whether they be on dating

websites or in person. It has been proven time and time again that men who uphold toxic

masculinity follow through on those threats. These men feel entitled to women and have no

problems with hurting or murdering them when they are told that they are not entitled to them.
THE DANGERS OF TOXIC MASCULINITY 26

Trans women face just as much of a risk when interacting with toxic cis men. Toxic masculinity

convinces men that only the things that they desire is what matters. This way of thinking

convinces them to walk into a mall, a school, a hospital, or a movie theater and kill others. This

dangerous frame of men tells men that in order to be a man, they must be aggressive, violent, and

refuse to take no for an answer. Thus, creating a world less focused on love and acceptance and

more riddled by terror and fear. Toxic masculinity does not teach men to be strong and capable

providers. It teaches them how to be terrorists in a society that is known for constantly and

continuously giving them what they want.

Running head: THE DANGERS OF TOXIC MASCULINITY 27

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