George

Mary
Mac Tonight

Lights up:

George and Mary from It’s A Wonderful Life are walking down the sidewalk.

Mary
Oh George Bailey. You sure know how to show a girl a good time. First, you take
me to the nickel peep horse show. Then you showed me an Italian and that train.
Treating me to a nice dinner of cigarettes and apples. And now a walk through
the wintry snow. So romantic. What more could a girl ask for?

George
What is it you want Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word
and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya.

Mary
Oh George. You spoil me like milk left in the hot sun. You’re so full of romance!

George
Then Mary, I’ll drag it down, like a bar drunk whos jazzed on too many Root Beer
bourbons. Teach it a lesson.

Mary
You’re such a card George. What kind of lesson would you teach the moon?

George
Oh Mary, I’ll teach it to shut the hell up, that’s what I’ll do. Spank it till it doesn’t
wanna show its mug over the sky ever again see?

Mary
Now George, I have suspicions of the moon as much as the next God fearing
woman. Sure, the blood moon turns me into a shrieking banshee. But there is no
reason to spank the moon.

George
Ever since the moons tides swept away fathers boat, I’ve had it out for it.
C’mon, let your hair down alittle Mary, don’t you ever want to pull the moons
pants down and make it walk all thru the streets?

Mary
 By jove George! Have I ever placed myself in a scenario where I hog tie the
moon for placing a witches curse on my dame cave? Of course I have!

George
I’ve never been more in love with you than I am right now Mary.

Mary
Yeah, I’ve fantasized about the moon crumbling to my knees and then curb
stomp it like American History X?

George
I don’t know what that is!

Mary
What woman hasn’t?

George
Mary, I’m too lazy to ask and God is too busy to answer. But you sure are making
my tasty bits cut a rug in my dockers.

Mary
George! You’d make a woman clutch her own pearls. And I’d shove those pearls
down the moons throat.

George
Oh Mary, this reminds me of how my parents met. Two slap happy kids, who
found out where the moons family lives. Sneaking into its galactic home when its
not expecting it....

Mary
Looking at the stars in the sky. Bright. Beautiful.

George
Just like the center of your eyes.

Mary/George
And strangle it like they were Fatty Arbuckle.

Mary
It’s a tale as old as time.

The moon (Mac Tonight) comes onstage. Facing off with the two.

George
 Well, look who grew a pair.

George and Mary fight the moon. It’s brutal. The two emerge victorious. Covered in blood.

George
Mary?

Mary
Yes George?

George
Will you marry me?

Mary
Oh George, it would make me so happy. But you’d have to ask my
father…...the moon.

SFX: Cape Fear theme plays.

Lights out