Zoe or Zelda
Bojack Horseman
Episode 4 season 1
Various characters.
Mr. Peanut butter: Hey, BoJack, settle a bet.
- Are you a Zoe or a Zelda? –
BoJack: Don't know what that means.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Well, I was talking to Wayne.
BoJack: - Who's Wayne?
Wayne: - I'm Wayne.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Wayne's writing an article
about me for BuzzFeed.
BuzzFeed? What'll they think of next?
Diane: Fun fact: Wayne is also my ex-boyfriend.
BoJack: ha! You're funny.
Mr. Peanutbutter: Pretty cool, eh, BoJack? Diane's
writing a book about you, Wayne's writing an
article about me.
We're the same!
BoJack: How could you think that that's the same?
My book will be in libraries for hundreds of years.
Your BuzzFeed article will be crammed between
an animated GIF of a cat falling asleep and a list of
fun facts about Legally Blonde.
Mr. Peanut butter: - Ha! Classic Zoe.
BoJack: - I still don't know what that means.
Wayne: Well, are you familiar with Mr.
Peanutbutter's House?
BoJack: Do you mean his sitcom that
coincidentally had the exact same premise as my
sitcom?
Wayne: Not the exact same. Mr.Peanutbutter's
House featured a pair of twins, Zoe and Zelda.
Zelda was the sunny, fun-loving extrovert.
Zelda:- Look at my pumpkin, Mr.
Peanutbutter.
Mr. Peanutbutter: - Pretty smile, Zelly-belly.
Public: Aww
Wayne: Whereas Zoe was the smart, cynical
introvert.
Zoe: My pumpkin's throwing up because
Halloween encourages excessive consumption of
refined sugar at a time when obesity rates are sky
high. Plus, Halloween costumes are a gateway to
casual racism.
Mr. Peanu butter: Why don't I keep the knife, Zo-
bo?
SONG: Who's that dog? Mr.
Peanutbutter Knick-knack, paddywhack Give a dog
a bone
Wayne:Now, was the show's acting ham-fisted
and the writing moronic? – Mr. Peanutbutter: N-
n-no? –
Wayne: Yes, but the Zoe/Zelda paradigm rang
true. I believe everyone's either a Zoe or a Zelda.
For example, Nixon was a Zoe and Kennedy, a
Zelda. Al Gore, Zoe. George W. Bush, total Zelda.
It's R2-D2 and C-3PO, Zooey and Emily Deschanel.
Todd:So Zooey's a Zoe?
Wayne: No, Zooey's a Zelda. Emily's the Zoe.
Todd: What a crazy world.
Mr. Peanutbutter: - So which one are you, BoJack?
–
BoJack: I think I'm above this.
Mr. Peanut butter: Said the Zoe.
Todd: Well, I think I'm a Zelda.
BoJack: Or maybe you're the third kind of person,
whose only function is to drain the energy and life
force - from his host organism.
Diane:- Come on, BoJack.
Todd: Nah, he's right. I'm pretty much worthless.
BoJack: See? You say something to someone
enough times, and eventually, he internalizes it.
The system works.
Todd:I don't have a job, I don't have any
prospects. I probably won't ever finish the rock
opera I'm working on.
BoJack: What? Since when are you working on a
rock opera? Oh, no.
Why'd I ask that?
Todd: Basically, it's Tommy by way of Cirque du
Soleil set in space, with heavy erotic overtones,
and the gripping psychodrama of a thriller with
plenty of heart and more than a little humor.
I call it Newtopia Rising, Book 1: - The Search for a
New Utopia.
Mr. Peanutbutter: - Book 1? You've got me
thinking sequel here.
BoJack:Ugh…
 Hey, BoJack, settle a bet.
- Are you a Zoe or a Zelda? -
Don't know what that means.
Well, I was talking to Wayne.
- Who's Wayne? - I'm Wayne.
Wayne's writing an article about
me for BuzzFeed.
BuzzFeed? What'll they think of
next? Fun fact: Wayne is also my
ex-boyfriend.
You're funny.
Pretty cool, eh, BoJack? Diane's
writing a book about you,
Wayne's writing an article about
me.
We're the same! How could you
think that that's the same? My
book will be in libraries for
hundreds of years.
Your BuzzFeed article will be
crammed between an animated GIF
of a cat falling asleep and a
list of fun facts about Legally
Blonde.
- Ha! Classic Zoe.
- I still don't know what that
means.
Well, are you familiar with Mr.
Peanutbutter's House? Do you
mean his sitcom that
coincidentally had the exact
same premise as my sitcom? Not
the exact same.
Mr.
Peanutbutter's House featured a
pair of twins, Zoe and Zelda.
Zelda was the sunny, fun-loving
extrovert.
- Look at my pumpkin, Mr.
Peanutbutter.
- Pretty smile, Zelly-belly.
Aww Whereas Zoe was the smart,
cynical introvert.
My pumpkin's throwing up because
Halloween encourages excessive
consumption of refined sugar at
a time when obesity rates are
sky high.
Plus, Halloween costumes are a
gateway to casual racism.
Why don't I keep the knife, Zo-
bo? Who's that dog? Mr.
Peanutbutter Knick-knack,
paddywhack Give a dog a bone
Now, was the show's acting ham-
fisted and the writing moronic?
- N-n-no? - Yes, but the
Zoe/Zelda paradigm rang true.
I believe everyone's either a
Zoe or a Zelda.
For example, Nixon was a Zoe and
Kennedy, a Zelda.
Al Gore, Zoe.
George W.
Bush, total Zelda.
It's R2-D2 and C-3PO, Zooey and
Emily Deschanel.
So Zooey's a Zoe? No, Zooey's a
Zelda.
Emily's the Zoe.
What a crazy world.
- So which one are you, BoJack?
- I think I'm above this.
Said the Zoe.
Well, I think I'm a Zelda.
Or maybe you're the third kind
of person, whose only function
is to drain the energy and life
force - from his host organism.
- Come on, BoJack.
Nah, he's right.
I'm pretty much worthless.
See? You say something to
someone enough times, and
eventually, he internalizes it.
The system works.
I don't have a job, I don't have
any prospects.
I probably won't ever finish the
rock opera I'm working on.
What? Since when are you working
on a rock opera? Oh, no.
Why'd I ask that? Basically,
it's Tommy by way of Cirque du
Soleil set in space, with heavy
erotic overtones, and the
gripping psychodrama of a
thriller with plenty of heart
and more than a little humor.
I call it Newtopia Rising, Book
1: - The Search for a New
Utopia.
- Book 1? You've got me thinking
sequel here.