Student A Writing Sample

Stage Fright
by Emma Wegter
Casteliana was on the floor stretching getting ready for her dance
competition. She gazed around the big dressing room with her
big,brown,eyes and saw , people running around, doing their make-up, and
doing their hair.
Then her friend Mackenzie walked up to her and said, “ you'll do
great, I know it!” “thanks” Casteliana siad back. Kenzie (Mackenzie’s
nickname) always made her feel better.
It was her first time performing a lyrical solo and her dance was
called “In My Heart” Her costume was composed of a tutu dyed pink with
silver rhinestones, a leotard dyed pink with silver diamonds, and a pink
headpiece with silver diamonds and rhinestones that looked beautiful on
her shiny, brown ,hair.It felt like there where a thousand butterflies flaterring
about in her stomach, after all, it was Starbound Dance Competition one of
the biggest ones in America!
Her thoughts were interrupted when her dance coach Abby
exclaimed, “c’mon Casi it's time to go go backstage,hustle!” btw Casi is
Casteliana’s nickname. She stood up and watched as her teacher stood
up, slowly bent down, stretched out her arm and gripped the handle of her
big,black, purse with her icy,bony,hands and long,red,acrylic,nails.
Seconds later, she was in the wings of the stage pacing around
and nervously running through her routine. Just then, she felt a light tap on
her shoulder. She turned around and was surprised to see her friend
Kendall. “why are you so nervous?” she questioned, “don’t you see the
competition I am up against!” Kendall’s mouth dropped open as she saw
the girl on stage perform a great jazz dance. Casi quickly tapped her hand
under her chin and her mouth closed back up. “I am sorry” Kendall
mumbled in a sweet voice, “no it's fine really!” Casi replied. “well let's do the
lucky chant,that will make you feel better!” “yeah” lied Casi. Last time she
had done the lucky chant, and it had not help at all she placed 9th in the
awards! But she did not want to hurt her teammates feelings so she just
kept quiet. They started doing the lucky
chant:1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4, knock knock and lastly a group
hug. This time it actually made her feel a little better.
 Suddenly, she heard the announcer call her name and she froze,
but she could not let her team down so she was going to do it. So as shaky
as she was she quickly got on stage.
Finally, she started dancing. She flipped, she twirled, and she
jumped and she was having great fun. But when she got to the next 8 count
her mind went blank. Her biggest fear was coming true she stood there
frozen on stage and she was like a deer in headlight. A wave of worry
rushed over her and she felt like crying.
She ran off stage with tears streaming down her face. She just
did not care anymore she just wanted her mom but she also wanted to be
alone,there where just so many feelings going through her.
Madness,sadness, and worieness she just wanted to scream! When she
got to the bathroom she slammed the door shut and in a stall. A tear
dripped on her leotard,”the whole day is ruined” she wailed to herself. As
she sat there bolling her eyes out she heard the door creek open slowly
and big,large,footsteps coming her way. “leave me alone!” she yelled in a
rude voice, “no honeyyyyy” her mom said in a sweet voice. “mom please I
don’t need your help!” “honey, Abby wants to talk to you” “yeah but I don’t
want to go out there because she probably hates me now!”
Minutes later, Casi had calmed down. She had decided to be
brave, collect all her confidence and talk to Miss Abby. As they walked over
to the big dressing room she squeezed her mom's hand tight. She felt her
own hand getting sweaty so she let go. When they got to the dressing room
Casi walked over to Miss Abby. She looked down at the floor and fiddled
with her hands. “what happened honey?” Miss Abby questioned and to
Casi’s surprise she did not seem mad at all. “ I just forgot” replied Casi. “
come here” said Miss Abby and wrapped her arms around Casi and her
brown curls bounced on her shoulders. The loving,warm,hug made Casi
feel at home and comforted. It reminded her that no matter how she did on
stage, her family and friends still love her.
 Student A Rubric
Realistic Fiction Rubric

3 (Meets Expectations) 2 (Approaches Expectations) 1 (Needs Improvement)

Lead Opening scene begins with a line of Lead somewhat draws the reader into Opens by only “telling” what the
(Structure) dialogue, a sound effect, an the story by “showing” vs. “telling.” character is doing; doesn’t
action…something that “hooks” the “show” an action or a line of
reader’s attention and “shows” the setting. dialogue.

Ending Writes an ending that connects to the rest Writes an ending that connects to the Ending is not a strong connection
(Structure) of the story while using action, dialogue, or rest of the story, but doesn’t use to the rest of the story.
feeling to bring the story to a close. action, dialogue, or feeling to bring
the story to a close.

Organization Story is written in sequential order with Missing one element of organization. Missing two elements of
(Structure) paragraphs and transitions. organization.

Motivations/Struggles Clearly defines what the character yearns Main character’s motivation and Shows either a motivation or
(Development: Craft) for and “shows” the struggle(s) the struggles are “there,” but not clearly struggle(s), but both are not
character goes through. defined or shown. present in the narrative.

Show Don’t Tell Consistently writes story in a way that gets Mostly writes story in a way that gets Occasionally writes story in a
(Development: Craft) readers to picture what is happening and readers to picture what is happening way that gets readers to picture
brings the story to life. and brings the story to life. what is happening and brings the
story to life.

Heart of Story The heart of the story is elaborated The heart of the story is elaborated The heart of the story is not
(Development: (stretched out) through: (stretched out) through: dialogue and elaborated (stretched out).
Elaboration)  dialogue actions but inclusion of thoughts and
 actions feelings is limited.
 thoughts
 feelings

Conventions Consistently uses punctuation, grade level Mostly uses correct punctuation, Several errors in punctuation,
spelling, grammar, and capitalization. spelling, grammar, and capitalization. spelling, grammar, and
capitalization
Notes: Strong organization, character development, and control of language. Emma should keep working on using
the editing checklist to check her work carefully and “fix” punctuation and capitalization errors.
Student B Writing Sample
THE FIRST PLANE RIDE
BY OLIVIA

“Bzzzzz.Stella wake up and her blond hair was all messed up and the alarm clock was
buzzing so she stopped it and got up to get ready to get to the airport.She packed her suitcase
and suddenly she looked out and the taxi was not there to pick her up. Her heart started pounding
as fast as a bird but she looked at the time and it was not time yet .
“Wow that was a really close one”!!!!said Stella. And her heart started slowing down a
little more and then.
10 minutes past and “Ding Dong”
“Oh that must be the taxi”said Stella .She went outside and went in the taxi .
“Hi is this stella “
“Yup that is me “.while 10 minutes where passed she needed to check to see if she had
everything. She noticed she could not find her passport.A moment later she finds it
“Wow that was another really close one”!!!!her heart starts slowing down even
more.Then suddenly she heard someone say “Okay we are here”
“Okay bye”she responded.
So she gets out of the car and she is in the airport and goes through security(because she
has a little suitcase). And nothing happened there so her heart starts slowing down even more
.Then she went to something that said you need your passport and flying ticket so she tried to
find her flying ticket but she could not find her flying ticket and passport so her heart starts
going fast again but then all of sudden a person comes .
“Wait you forgot your passport and ticket “ said a man .
“Thank you so much i can not go without that “she responded .
“ Sorry this is my first plane ride”said stella .
“Really i can help you with going through this stage “responded the man.
“ really that is so nice of you but you have to work so no but it was so nice of you”she
said .
“Okay bye “he responded .
“ okay bye “responded Stella .
Then she goes through the thingamajigger and nothing happened there ether her heart slowed
down even more .After that she went through that stage and suddenly her heart starts beating
as faster and faster because she forgot her suitcase in the other stage and then another person
comes.
“Hey you forgot your suitcase “the same man said . So she hired something and turned
around .
“Hi”she said.
“It is you aigin “he responded back.
“Well here you go “he said .
“ wait he already left okay “
“ Hi passport and ticket please “a woman said
“Okay wait i need to go to the bathroom super okay”said Stella .Then she runs fast and
goes fast to the bathroom and goes in and there is a long line she did not leave she stood
there waiting but the plane took off in five minutes and then she gets out of the bathroom
five minutes later and the gate closed right when she got there.
 “No sorry you took to long in the bathroom so the plain left we can give you a
free ticket for another one plain the plain will get here in 1 hour “ said the women .
“NO I LOST THE PLAIN WHY!!!!!okay i will wait “.

THE END
 Student B Rubric
Realistic Fiction Rubric

3 (Meets Expectations) 2 (Approaches Expectations) 1 (Needs Improvement)

Lead Opening scene begins with a line of Lead somewhat draws the reader into Opens by only “telling” what the
(Structure) dialogue, a sound effect, an the story by “showing” vs. “telling.” character is doing; doesn’t
action…something that “hooks” the “show” an action or a line of
reader’s attention and “shows” the setting. dialogue.

Ending Writes an ending that connects to the rest Writes an ending that connects to the Ending is not a strong connection
(Structure) of the story while using action, dialogue, or rest of the story, but doesn’t use to the rest of the story.
feeling to bring the story to a close. action, dialogue, or feeling to bring
the story to a close.

Organization Story is written in sequential order with Missing one element of organization. Missing two elements of
(Structure) paragraphs and transitions. organization.

Motivations/Struggles Clearly defines what the character yearns Main character’s motivation and Shows either a motivation or
(Development: Craft) for and “shows” the struggle(s) the struggles are “there,” but not clearly struggle(s), but both are not
character goes through. defined or shown. present in the narrative.

Show Don’t Tell Consistently writes story in a way that gets Mostly writes story in a way that gets Occasionally writes story in a
(Development: Craft) readers to picture what is happening and readers to picture what is happening way that gets readers to picture
brings the story to life. and brings the story to life. what is happening and brings the
story to life.

Heart of Story The heart of the story is elaborated The heart of the story is elaborated The heart of the story is not
(Development: (stretched out) through: (stretched out) through: dialogue and elaborated (stretched out).
Elaboration)  dialogue actions but inclusion of thoughts and
 actions feelings is limited.
 thoughts
 feelings

Conventions Consistently uses punctuation, grade level Mostly uses correct punctuation, Several errors in punctuation,
spelling, grammar, and capitalization. spelling, grammar, and capitalization. spelling, grammar, and
capitalization
Notes: It is clear that Olivia tried on many of the writing strategies taught during the unit. She should keep working
on her pacing to make sure her ending connects to the rest of the story and brings it to a close.
Student C Writing Sample
Chefito
By: Sam

One day a guy named Chefito was founded by a snake nest a 5 star hotel brought him in. One day
somebody screamed “RAUL IS COMING” Chefito asked “where”
“There.” And he went straight to him and “raul said I am looking for the perfect burger.”
And chefito accepted the challenge. After a while,
He receives a call from his mom and she wants a tour, so he tries to make it quick but she wants
so much detail, so it took him so long he was only half way there ,and the food was starting to burn the
meat turned from medium rare to burned, and raul is wonders what when there was fire somebody
screamed “fire”
Raul went in the kitchen and cooked an entire different me when Chdefito was done with his
tour raul was happily eating his burger and chefito never new.

The end
 Student C Rubric
Realistic Fiction Rubric

3 (Meets Expectations) 2 (Approaches Expectations) 1 (Needs Improvement)

Lead Opening scene begins with a line of Lead somewhat draws the reader into Opens by only “telling” what the
(Structure) dialogue, a sound effect, an the story by “showing” vs. “telling.” character is doing; doesn’t
action…something that “hooks” the “show” an action or a line of
reader’s attention and “shows” the setting. dialogue.

Ending Writes an ending that connects to the rest Writes an ending that connects to the Ending is not a strong connection
(Structure) of the story while using action, dialogue, or rest of the story, but doesn’t use to the rest of the story.
feeling to bring the story to a close. action, dialogue, or feeling to bring
the story to a close.

Organization Story is written in sequential order with Missing one element of organization. Missing two elements of
(Structure) paragraphs and transitions. organization.

Motivations/Struggles Clearly defines what the character yearns Main character’s motivation and Shows either a motivation or
(Development: Craft) for and “shows” the struggle(s) the struggles are “there,” but not clearly struggle(s), but both are not
character goes through. defined or shown. present in the narrative.

Show Don’t Tell Consistently writes story in a way that gets Mostly writes story in a way that gets Occasionally writes story in a
(Development: Craft) readers to picture what is happening and readers to picture what is happening way that gets readers to picture
brings the story to life. and brings the story to life. what is happening and brings the
story to life.

Heart of Story The heart of the story is elaborated The heart of the story is elaborated The heart of the story is not
(Development: (stretched out) through: (stretched out) through: dialogue and elaborated (stretched out).
Elaboration)  dialogue actions but inclusion of thoughts and
 actions feelings is limited.
 thoughts
 feelings

Conventions Consistently uses punctuation, grade level Mostly uses correct punctuation, Several errors in punctuation,
spelling, grammar, and capitalization. spelling, grammar, and capitalization. spelling, grammar, and
capitalization
Notes: Sam did a nice job organizing his ideas into clear paragraphs. But he struggled to move from his plan to a fully realized
draft. I will keep working with him to build his repertoire of elaboration strategies so he can get the great ideas in his head
onto paper.