In Defense of the Grinch

Listen up, people. I’ve got a lot to say to you and not much time to say it, so let’s
get started. Most people around here just LOATHE the Grinch, at least before
his heart had a growth spurt. “Who is he,” they say, “to lie, cheat, and steal, all
because he was jealous?”

Well, let me ask you this, who are YOU to go hating on him? I think he had a right
to be annoyed, don’t you? And don’t even get me started on how lonely he must
have been. He’s a green, shrivelled-up beast who lived right above the happiest
town there ever was. Did the Whos ever once invite him? Huh? Did they even
care about him before he carved the roast beast? I DON’T THINK SO!

With all that said, I hope next time you read “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”,
you’ll understand his motives. I rest my case.
Rudolph’s Older Brother

Hey man, bring ya red nose over here… AYE MAN, I said bring ya RED NOSE over
here! I see you’re all excited about being Santa’s new favourite reindeer, but
never forget where you came from.

Yeah, I understand it’s nice to finally laugh, not get called names, and to play in
all the reindeer games with everyone else besides just me… but can’t you see
they’re just using you?

Santa never gave you any attention until last Christmas when he couldn’t see
any farther than he could spit. He taped you to the back of his car because his
tail-light was out. Now explain to me why you’re ok with that.

Matter fact nah, I don’t wanna hear it. Now you’re chilling with Dasher and
Dancer acting like you’re a big star just because your nose glows up red, WE
HAVE 50 THOUSAND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS THAT DO THAT SAME THING!

You know what Rudolph, do what you wanna do, but never forget where you
came from.
BEAN

Bean is playing hide and seek with a bunch of boys. She can’t find anybody.

Hey, where did everybody go? I give up! I counted to a hundred, like you said. It
took a really long time. Where is everybody? I said I give up! I can’t find you!

I’ve been looking for ages. Can anybody hear me? This isn’t funny any more, you
guys. Come out, come out, wherever you are! Come on, guys. Let’s play a
different game! We could play tag outside. Or maybe we could have a snack and
play video games. I’ll let you guys play first! I promise! Just come out. I can’t find
you, OK? I give up. What more do you want from me? Guys? Hey, guys?
MANDY

Mandy helps her little sister learn what is true and what is make-believe.

There’s no such thing as real fairies! Think about it. If they existed, we’d see
them caught in our bug zapper. Or we’d feel them get squashed under our bare
feet in the grass. If you can’t see them or feel them, they don’t exist. That’s why
the only fairy that is real is the Tooth Fairy. I know that for a fact because she
leaves me cold, hard cash. Now that’s something you can feel.
Veruca Salt’s Monologue from Willy Wonka

As soon as I told my father that I simply had to have one of those Golden Tickets,
he went out into the town and started buying up all the Wonka candy bars he
could lay his hands on. Thousands of them, he must have bought. Hundreds of
thousands!

Then he had them loaded on to trucks and sent directly to his own factory. He’s
in the peanut business, you see, and he’s got about a hundred women working
for him over at his joint, shelling peanuts for roasting and salting. That’s what
they do all day long, those women ... they just sit there shelling peanuts.

So he says to them, ‘Okay, girls,’ he says ‘from now on, you can stop shelling
peanuts and start shelling the wrappers off these crazy candy bars instead!’ and
they did. He had every worker in the place yanking the paper off those bars of
chocolate, full speed ahead, from morning ‘til night. Then suddenly, on the
evening of the fourth day, one of his women workers yelled, ‘I’ve got it! A Golden
Ticket!’

And my father said, ‘Give it to me, quick!’ And she did. And he rushed it home
and gave it to me.
“Queen” from You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown

Do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m going
to be the biggest queen there ever was, and I’ll live in a big palace and when I
go o in my coach, all the people will wave and I will shout at them, and...and...in
the summertime I will go to my summer palace and I’ll wear my crown in
swimming and everything, and all the people will cheer and I will shout at them...
(hears someone offstage) What do you mean I can’t be queen? Nobody should
be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It’s usually just a matter of
knowing the right people....well.... if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very rich then
I will buy myself a queendom. Yes, I will buy myself a queendom and then I’ll
kick out the old queen and take over the whole operation myself. I will be head
queen.