Stephen Emmuel G.

Gelig Feb, 2018

10 - Neutron

Ever Changing Smile

Abandon all happiness, all ye who enter here…
Happiness. Such a weird word. Every person has his or her own special meaning of
happiness, embedded in their hearts and mind. It keeps them happy, focused, and even
motivated to continue living their normal lives, away from their usual problems. Every
person has their own kind of happiness. May it be in the form of giving affection, collecting
toys, or hurting oneself and others. I always thought that happiness can always makes a
person happy. I thought it will... but it’s not. Happiness stole my feelings. Happiness
destroyed my humanity. Happiness… made me lost my will to live…

0th room…
I slowly opened my eyes and remembered how cold it is to wake up again. I packed my
things and readied myself for school. I looked at myself in the mirror, looked at my usual
face. Smiling and carefree. Believing that this day might be different from the usual days.
Days that might turn my smile upside down. Thinking about those things send chills up
my spine. ”School huh…” I muttered as I left home.

1st room…
I arrived at my school. I put on my best smile while walking across the hallway. While
walking, I saw a couple flirting with each other, some group of students playing video
games and people chatting happily. I always wondered why they have so much happiness
in their lives. They were always so happy and I always feel so much jealousy about them.

2nd room…
I saw my usual classroom. Saw my usual classmates, doing usual things. Saw my usual
desk filled with the usual writings. “Oh they did it again…” I said to myself. I always
wondered why they do these things. For their happiness? For their own amusement? I
don’t know. As I went closer to my desk. I saw an unusual figure standing beside it. “… A
girl?” I wondered. As I approached the girl, I saw what she’s doing to my desk. She’s
cleaning it. She’s cleaning my desk to remove the writings on it. “What are you doing to
my desk?” I asked her. She noticed my voice. She looked to me, smiled and said “I’m
cleaning it.”. Undeniably, I looked at her. She’s a beautiful, timid, and short girl with a cute
voice. After telling those words, she left my desk and went out of the room. “What a weird
girl,” I muttered. I wondered why she’s cleaning my desk.
3rd room…
It’s break time. I went to the bathroom to fix myself. I looked at my face and smiled. Weird.
My smile changed quite a bit. That girl from earlier. I wondered why she cleaned my desk.
Because she was told to? How could that be possible? No one approaches me at school.
I was a lonely but cheerful person that cheers only himself. Hmmm. Maybe she was
ordered by a teacher or a fellow classmate. This never happened before. While thinking
about it, I went outside the bathroom.

4th room…
I went to the school rooftop to eat. I always feel solitude in this place. The gentle breeze
on the rooftop calms my mind as my thoughts slowly get carried away. I remembered that
girl again from earlier. Why did she clean my desk? Maybe it’s her unique way to acquire
happiness. Happiness huh… I never ever understood what happiness means, even once.
Maybe because the happiness of other people was stealing my own happiness. A lot of
things have happened before that made me lost my desire to be happy. While thinking, I
heard a clanking sound from the entrance of this rooftop. The door opened slightly and
someone appeared. Curious about it, I went to the entrance to take a look.

5th room…
As I left the school rooftop and went for the stairs, I saw that someone from earlier. As I
approached the person, realization dawned on me. “Oh, it’s you again.” I muttered. It’s
the girl from earlier. “What are you doing here?” I asked her. “I was following you…” she
replied softly. She lowered her head as she talked to me. “Why?” I asked. “Because I
want to see you happy.” she replied. “Happy? I’m always happy” I replied to her. It was a
lie, of course. But then she replied… “You’re not happy. Not even a little…”. Huh? How
did she know? I felt that the atmosphere was getting tense. This girl… “How can you tell?”
I asked. “Because… I’m the same as you” she replied but softly this time. Of course I
heard her. “The same as me?” I replied. “Yes, same as you.” Strange. This girl was really
strange. “Ding dong~~ Ding dong~~”The school bell rang. “Oh it’s time. Let’s go back to
class,” I told her. “I see” she replied. “Wait. What’s your name?” I asked her. “Emi. My
name is Emi. What’s yours?” she replied. “My name is Coln.” I replied back. We went
back to our classroom.

6th room…
It’s lunch time. I went to the cafeteria to buy some food. I usually see this cafeteria filled
with people laughing, happiness apparent from their eyes. Having friends to eat with and
to talk with, such happiness it can bring. Sadly, I don’t have anyone to eat with since I’m
always alone. While trying to find an empty table, I saw Emi again. Emi was following me
again while holding her lunch. I approached her. “What are you doing?” I asked her. “I
want to eat with you.” she replied while smiling. “Suit yourself.” I replied. We finally found
a table to eat our lunch. Emi tried to talk to me while eating. This situation reminded me
about the old days when I still had friends to talk to, eat with, and play with. I missed this
feeling. Maybe I could feel happy again. I smiled while I talked to Emi, until lunch break
finally ended.

7th room…
The classes were finished. Emi told me that she will go home early, so I was left alone
again. Many things have happened since this morning and the reason of all of that was
none other than Emi. I was still wondering why she approached me despite the emptiness
I felt inside. Lots of questions were currently filling my head. It had been hours, but her
actions still puzzled me. She wanted to make me happy? Why does she want that? I don’t
remember owing her any kind of favor from the past. She even told me that she’s the
same as me, ignorant of the feeling of happiness. Maybe she seeks the same thing as
me. Maybe. Just maybe. With her, I’ll know the feeling of happiness. All these thoughts
were making me tired, so I went home and rested.

8th room…
It’s a new day again. I woke up and readied myself as usual. I looked at myself again in
the mirror and tried to smile. What? Weird. I felt like my smile has changed somehow. It’s
not the same anymore. It looks familiar. It’s like my old smile in the past. It’s close but not
close enough. Maybe happiness was closer to me now and it’s all because of Emi. Emi
huh. That weird girl. After checking myself once again, I finally went out to go to school.

9th room…
Happiness. Every person has their own understanding of happiness. Weird right. I thought
to myself about what my happiness is. What are the things that can make me happy?
Love? Friends? Family? I don’t know. All my views about happiness are changing bit by
bit. I know that one day, I can feel that exceptional emotion again. All because of this one
girl. “Coln!!~~ Coln!!~~” Emi shouted. She waved at me and together, we went inside the
school. Yes. It’s this girl beside me right now. She’s the one who can make me understand
the true form of happiness. Maybe, with me, she too can understand the feeling of
happiness. I have lots of things to say to her. I want to know more about her. What am I
feeling right know? Well, I’ll know the answer once I got to know her more. As long as I’m
with her, I will live my life happily.
My smile is changing once again…