Scott

Jacob Scott
ENGL 321
Professor Davidson
3 / 15 / 19

Critical Introduction:

The genre of fiction that I have explored in the Unit 1 portfolio is realist fiction, and
this is due to the fact that I feel as if people are more compelled to read something if
it is relatable and seems realistic, and also because I’m most comfortable with genre.
One specific craft aspect that I have explored in my creative work and in my revision
is the plot. My peers have suggested to me that perhaps I should change the ending
and that there should be more drama between the characters of Julia and Cory, and
so I have done just that. They have specifically suggested that the plot should change
drastically somehow about half way, or a little more than half way through the story.
I have amplified the dialogue between Julia and Cory which has made it significantly
more entertaining to read, even from my prospective having written two versions. I
have made the dialogue much more dramatic and have made it so there is a lot more
at stake for the main character of the story, Cory. For example, on page nine of the
story you see and feel the rise of tension between the two of the main characters
when you read Julia say, “Shut the fuck up Cory. You aren’t that good of an actor, so
just give it up. I am giving you one last chance to come clean to me. Who are you
with and what are you doing with them?” (9.) These lines are an example of how the
intensity of my story has increased, as well as how the relationships are perceived
by the reader when comparing the relationships within the first version of the story.
I have decided to completely delete the last two pages of my first draft, and replace
them with new material. This made it so that I was able to keep the heart of the
story while still changing the story to an extreme extent. I was so displeased and
dissatisfied by the reaction of my peers to my original ending that I have decided to
essentially make the ending of my story the complete opposite of what the original
ending to my story was. The ending to the first draft of this story had somewhat of a
cliché “happy ever after” feel to it, so I have decided to give my revised version a
much darker ending. I end the story by leaving the reader with serious questions
that have to be honestly reflected on, rather then giving them a cheap one-liner
ending that feels anti-climactic and leaves them dissatisfied. I feel as if I have made
my work change for the better mainly due to the fact that I believe that the reader is
now left with a much more complex question. The ending now is not only more
complex, but the message that I am trying to convey is a lot clearer as well. I have
actually decided to make my characters even more static than they were in the first
draft. The reasoning for doing this is because I am attempting to use my characters
in my story as a model of what people, in all different types of situations, shouldn’t
do. I am simply using my characters as a way to get the reader to reflect on his/her
own life, and ask themselves the same questions perhaps. I want my readers to live
through my characters, and I believe I have done that far better in this revised draft.
 Scott

Jacob Scott
Professor Davidson
English 321
3 / 15 / 19
The Coral Bracelet

Cory had woken up extremely homesick the first few days or so this semester

of college, but this was a new type of homesick. He felt it in his throat. It was as if the

front of his neck had just got struck repetitively with the side of a ping- pong paddle.

He couldn’t even construct a normal thought. He missed his girlfriend immensely.

Even though they were complete opposites she was still the love of his life, his best

friend, and his soul mate. They had been together since his sophomore year of high

school, he was now a sophomore in college and she, now a freshman in college, was

extremely nervous to be living away from home for her first time. The two

depended on one another. In fact, they almost couldn’t function without one

another. It was like ink and a quill. You needed one in order for the other one to

work.

Unfortunately, now they were going to have to figure out how to live away

from each other, considering Cory went to school in southern California and Julia

went to school in Arizona. This was a new chapter of his life, a new beginning, and a

completely anomalous feeling to his daily routine now. He was excited as hell, but

frightened as well, if not more than he was excited. He was a big mature adult now,

living in his own apartment all to himself with no one to tell him what to do, how to

do it, or when to do it. He could finally do things his girlfriend would never find out

about. Concerts, parties, you name it he was safe and off the hook. She was hours
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and hours away and would never know. He was a free man, with too much freedom

for his little free self to handle.

Being as homesick as he was, Cory decided to take a trip downtown to some

local shops. He wanted to pick up some musical or spiritual decorations for his

lovely new apartment to make him feel comfortable and at home. As he arrived at

the gigantic “hippie-like” gift shop he thought of his girlfriend. He thought of how

she would always give him a hard time and make some jocular comment about the

smell of these “hippie-like” smoke shops. He chuckled to himself as he entered the

shop with the image of her face, and the sound of her voice still trickling recklessly

throughout his head. It cracked him up all the time because he knew they were just

so damn opposite.

After approaching the first person he saw that looked like they worked there,

he was worried he wasn’t going to pronounce what he wanted to purchase.

“Hey man, I was wondering where your guys “tapestries” are at,” said Cory.

The skinny individual with lime green beads hanging from the bottom of his greasy

beard looked at him with a cold and blank stare. The telephone began to ring, and as

the man reached to answer it he pointed with his veiny and witch-like figure in a

diagonal direction. Strained and uneasy, Cory quietly mumbled the words “thank

you” as he slowly walked down the ramp to the bottom back of the store. It was a

much larger store than Cory had anticipated and he was somewhat in awe of it. He

slipped on something slick and nearly twisted his ankle while walking towards the

first colorful tapestry his eyes had latched onto. The object he slipped on was a

cheap looking bracelet that reminded Cory of a gift he had bought his girlfriend in
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Sayulita, Mexico three summers ago. The only difference is that this bracelet was a

shade of coral, rather than a shade of turquoise. Glistening from the odd blue

lighting around the corners of the room, the bracelet sat there contently mocking

Cory until he finally picked it up and put it in his left back pocket.

When he lifted his head up after trying to get all the lint out of his pocket, his

eyes locked eyes with some girl across the room. Her streaky dirty blond hair was in

a ponytail. Something about ponytails intrigued Cory. He was infatuated by necks,

and had somewhat of an unhealthy fetish about them. At times he would get caught

staring at a soft neck of a girl because it was just so inviting to him. He loved the way

you could see the entire face, the ears, and the jaw of the person when they wore

ponytails, or even buns. He always told his girlfriend Julia to wear her hair up, but

she would never do it because she cared too much about her appearance and a

ponytail wasn’t considered a “pretty” enough hairstyle to her. He found the things

she would say to be rather ridiculous, and almost childish. Even though she was only

one year younger than Cory, he felt like he knew so much more than her and was

aware of the big picture, while she was just going through the motion of life as a

surface dweller. She was only caring about temporary happiness, while he on the

other hand would seek for truth and study philosophy and the English language

daily. She was so materialistic, and Cory was everything but that. They truly had

nothing in common whatsoever.

Cory and the girl both looked away immediately once they made eye contact,

only to look back at each other two seconds later and make the situation twice as

awkward. He had decided to move his way over to the posters to escape the tension
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that was slowly building up inside the room. After flipping through them for about

only thirty-five seconds he found a poster with an album cover of one of his favorite

bands newest album on it. The album was, Currents by Tame impala.

“You don’t look like someone who would enjoy Tame Impala,” said a loud and

confident voice from behind. Slightly startled, Cory turned around to see it was the

same girl he had just made extremely awkward eye contact with.

“Oh yeah, well I mean I just got into them recently. About a few months ago

actually, said Cory, but I already know like all their songs. I swear I just can’t stop

listening to these Australian fuckers. Kevin Parker is literally a musical god.”

“Exactly! They are very addicting. They remind me of an electronic new day

version of the-

“Beatles”, said both of them at the same exact time. The impressed dirty

blond haired girl giggled the word “yes” as she made a fist with both her hands,

throwing it to Cory’s direction. He could barely join her with laughter, due to how

much was going through his head at the time. All he could think was “Why wasn’t

my girlfriend as cool as this chick? Why wasn’t Julia able to enjoy quality music like

this with me? How could I be with someone who doesn’t value and appreciate art,

music, philosophy, and everything I live for? Why didn’t I ever go after a down to

earth person such as the one before me?”

“You got some good taste there buddy. Nice to meet you, I’m Emma. May I ask

what your name is Mr. Tame Impala?” said the girl, just barely tilting her head to the

right while moving her eyes up and down at him.

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“Cory,” he said, trying to force out a small fake laugh. “Cory with a C. You

know like from Boy Meets World?”

“Duh I know. It was only my favorite show for about ten years,” said Emma. “I

have every season on DVD actually. You know, I could let you borrow it for a while if

I could have a ride home. Please?” The girl sat there waiting patiently like a puppy

for a response, while dragging her front teeth over her bottom lip over and over

again.

“"Yeah sure. I don't need anything in return. That is very unnecessary. Just let

me know where you live when we start to get close. I’d be more than happy to give

you a lift home,” replied Cory.

On the way to Emma's house they did not have a single silent moment. They

agreed on everything. They talked about anything from the idea of God, to how they

both hated mustard with a burning passion. He could have never talked about any of

those things with his girlfriend. They were just so different.

When Cory finally pulled up to a house, rather than an apartment complex or

student dorms, he realized he had been driving for quite some time. Soon as Cory

and Emma got out of the car Cory took one look at her driveway and smelled a

distinctive aroma that reminded him of the lavender shampoo that he would bask in

when his girlfriend, in just a towel on, would walk from her bathroom to her

bedroom, where he would be waiting for her with a smile full of pride and

happiness. This strong and overwhelming sent was more real, more true and

authentic than whatever smell he had been letting control his life.

"You live in a house? That's super cool. I wish I lived in a house with a bunch
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of friends sometimes," said Cory softly.

"Yeah. So do I,” replied Emma as she opened the red front door for them. “This is

my stupid parents house, and I cannot wait to move out soon,” she said as she rolled

her eyes to the back of her head.

"Oh, sorry! I had no idea. I just figured. That was rude to have assumed, I’m sorry,”

said Cory in a rushed tone. There was a barrier of power between the two. The air

was as dry as shed snake skin and Cory could feel the wind whisper into his ear that

nothing could ever be as good as the feeling of growing up together. It was as if even

the clouds were torturing him with a rain of nostalgia. He complimented Emma in

order to distract himself from the fact that he was sweating like he had just fouled

out of a basketball game. She giggled while thanking him and then looked at him and

said,

“I’m excited that you are the first guy to go to my house since my last

boyfriend.” The light reflecting off a car in her driveway left Cory blinded as he

choked on her passive comment just barely mouthing out the words,

“So am I.”

As he walked into the house he was caught off guard by the sound of a deep sneeze.

It was her dog, Summer, and she was almost crying with excitement to see someone

new in her house. Laughing and smiling, Cory bent down to give the dog some love

with rubs and kisses, only to feel that the dog was the exact opposite of his

girlfriends dog. It was rough as sandpaper, greasy as a life size piece of fried chicken,

and left his hands smelling worse than the wicked witch of the west.

“She’s so freaking cute and joyful,” Cory said to Emma while looking at the
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dog. Cory then looked down the hallway to the room straight ahead with the door

open only to look at Emma and say,

“And if I may, please excuse me for asking, but is that room yours? The one in

front of us?" said Cory in disbelief with his eyes squinted, his eyebrows up with at

least ten wrinkles in his forehead, and his mouth half open.

"Fuck no, said Emma. "You’re kidding me right? C'mon dude, after being with

me for a few hours you really think I would own all of this fake ass shit that people

ruin their bodies with?"

"No. I didn't,” said Cory.

At that moment Cory realized that was what he loved about Julia. From the

smell of her black and red hair straightener, to the texture of her penciled on

eyebrows, he got a sense of comfort from them. Her insecurity fascinated him

because he truly thought she was prettier without any make up, or fake body

accessories. It was absurd. He thought she was the most beautiful living thing on the

face of the earth. When they got home from a long eventful day, he would stare at

her from behind as she unclipped her tired hair extensions. His heart would begin to

race rapidly from just seeing her sit down to remove her fake glue on eyelashes.

Because he knew soon as those stupid things were ripped off he got to see her

natural face for what it was. He loved that he was one of the only people on earth

who was special enough to see her for who she really was. It was the highlight of

each and every one of his days with her. Seeing all of the same items his girlfriend

uses in a different room then hers, made him realize he was absolutely obsessed

with each and every one of them. Those damn things made it so he got to date a
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person no one could ever see. He was addicted to her natural beauty. She was

different for him, and only him.

"That's my annoying mothers room, said Emma with disgust, as you can see she

cares about her image as much as one possibly can. It's disgusting honestly. But

anyways, follow me to my room it's much bigger and of course, it's a lot chiller."

Cory instantly started to choke on his own thoughts. His heart had sunk to his feet

and his feet had kicked him in the brain. He pictured his girlfriend sitting at home on

her laptop, making collages of the two of them like she always did.

RING RING RING

Cory was receiving a phone call from who he was hoping was either his friend Tony

or his mom or dad checking in on him, and how the trip to the store had went,

considering he texted them just about every morning to inform them on what he

was doing that day.

“Oh shit,” he thought to himself while looking down at his phone after

silencing it. Of course it was the one person he didn’t want to be calling him at the

time, his girlfriend Julia.

“Uhhh… excuse just for one sec. I just need to take care of this business call

real quickly because it might be someone calling me back about a job position or to

arrange an interview for the job position. Be right back, sorry,” said Cory frantically

while back paddling hastily towards the front yard with his heart pounding so

intensely that he could feel it in his wrists.

“All good,” Emma replied. “Don’t worry, I wont move a muscle until you’re

back.” Emma was smiling at him with a non-sexual grin as he walked out the front
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yard, which made him feel as if perhaps for the first time he had met a girl and

actually could form a great friendship, rather than just running into a romantic one.

Cory picked up the phone only to almost drop it out of complete shock when he put

his ear to the phone and was greeted with a passive aggressive,

“So… who is your new little friend?” said Julia in a tone that would make even

a bodybuilder tremble in his shoes.

“What are you talking about? I’m confused”

“Cory, please don’t play stupid with me right now. Just tell me…who is she? I have a

right to know. Who are you with right now Cory?”

Cory sat there in disbelief, contemplating whether his girlfriend was a witch or some

type of psychic or something, due to the fact that he had absolutely no idea how Julia

could have known he was with some other girl.

“Uhhh, I just gave a ride home to someone that I literally just met at a smoke

shop downtown. Why do you think I am with someone right now? Why do you make

me out to be a lair so casually? What did I do to deserve th–

“Shut the fuck up Cory. You aren’t that good of an actor, so just give it up. I am

giving you one last chance to come clean to me. Who are you with and what are you

doing with them?”

“Julia why are you doing this? I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m literary right

outside of my apartment complex. I just pulled up to it and got out of the car soon as

you called me.” Cory was shaking from the inside out as if he had just gotten pulled

over by the cops while being intoxicated. He had no idea how she knew he was with

someone and why she was calling. He thought maybe she had placed a tracker on
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him without his knowledge, but then realized that was most likely not the case.

“Cory, you’re literally a horrible person. You have failed. You have failed me

and you have failed yourself. My friend Catharine lives about two blocks away from

you and when you told me early this morning that you were going to the smoke-

shop downtown I called her. I asked her if she wasn’t busy if she could please have

one of her sorority sisters go down there and approach you to see how you would

react. That’s why I made you tell me exactly when you got there. Remember?

“Wait what are you talking about? I’m at a girl’s house and her name is Emma

not Catherine…and she most definitely is not in a sorority,” chuckles Cory with

confidence.

“You’re at a girls house? I thought you just said you were outside of your

house you piece of shit. And yeah it wasn’t Catherine dumbass, she sent her friend.”

“No. I mean I was at a girl’s house and I was ju–

“Stop Cory… please just stop talking. It’s over. I’m done. I’m so beyond done

living like this. I don’t deserve this. I deserve someone that doesn’t make me feel like

a worthless pathetic joke. This whole thing was just to see if you would lie to me. I

told you if you lied to me one more time we are done for good. I’m sorry Cory. I

really hope you find someone who will happily put up with your shenanigans, and I

am sure you will. I really did love you, and I will always have feelings for you. Have a

nice life Cory, and take care of yourself please.

Cory immediately starts choking on tears and all he can mutter out on the phone is I

love you so much while Julia is steadily holding her ground. She hangs up as soon as

he says that and begins to cry even more noticeably on the phone. For a few
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moments Cory just stands there in Emma’s driveway, crying while looking into the

sky with self-pity. He wonders why he just can’t meet a girl and form a bond with

them; a real bond that doesn’t involve physical chemistry necessarily, at least not at

first; a bond that didn’t rely on anything besides the likeness of their brains; a bond

that is wrapped tight and held together by the souls of two poets. These thoughts

start to grow louder and louder inside of him until he feels as if he is ready tear off

his own flesh and start eating it. Cory turns around and marches into the front door

of Emma’s house as if he owned it.

“Did you get lost or something?” says Emma in a cute and sarcastic tone.

Cory couldn’t even think of words to say to her because he was so furious at the fact

that he thought he had been tricked and lied to all day, and the connection he had

never actually existed and that it was all fake. He looks at her with a look of

hopelessness and hatred and slowly says to her,

“Did something seriously traumatic happen to you when you were little or

something? Did something or someone scare you beyond belief when you were little

since you have to be sick in the head to do what you have done to me today?”

“Wait seriously…what are talking about Cory? I’m so confused and you’re

sort of scaring me right now to be honest.”

“I don’t want to hear it witch. You truly carry an evil presence with you. Trust

me, I was never planning on even touching you in the first place. I cannot believe I

didn’t see through your ways. I cannot believe that I actually thought you believed in

real love when in reality your mission here on earth is to destroy it,” Cory exclaimed

as his voice went up and down uncontrollably.

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As Cory says this he begins to migrate towards the front door when he remembers

the coral bracelet in his back pocket that he had found in the smoke-shop earlier.

After contemplating on what he was going to do for a moment, Cory turned around

and started walking back into the direction of Emma. He walks up to her and says,

“Here, take this bracelet and keep it for the rest of your life. Always

remember who gave you this bracelet and take it as a symbol for everything that

you will never have. This is a symbol of all the love in the world that you choose to

fight against. You will lose one day. I hope you know that. You will never find love if

you wish to destroy others. I hope you suffer in eternity will the rest of the bleeding

souls that were never capable of loving or being loved.”

Emma stood there in complete disbelief and was on the verge of tears. She couldn’t

form words at first because she was so utterly confused. She thinks to herself that

perhaps he is literally insane and has a mental illness, or perhaps he is even some

type of demonic entity that only she can fully experience. She looked at him and

said,

“Cory, please explain yourself. I really haven’t done anything to you and I

don’t understand what all of this means!”

It was too late. Cory had made up his mind and he was already halfway out the front

door. He got into his car with more rage than he could ever recall having and so he

tried to call Julia to explain himself more and to get her back. He was as desperate as

he had ever been in his entire life. He tried calling her multiple times but not a single

RING came through the line, and it was clear that she had blocked his number for

good. Meanwhile, Emma was still standing in the exact same spot of her house
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where she shouted her final words to Cory. She stood there with now full tears

flowing from her soft innocent face. She is left in the emptiness of her home to

question the world. She blames herself in a way, even though she knew she hadn’t

done anything wrong. She is left partially and temporarily broken in the company of

no one to think, “why won’t I ever find a true connection where someone doesn’t use

me as an escape, or as a means to an end? Why is that I scare love away? Why is it

that I am doomed for perpetual heartbreak? Why is it that love refuses the ones who

adore her the most?”

Cory played music on full blast the whole way home, without using any signals or

stopping at any stops sign that he passed on his way. He felt as if his world as he

knew it was coming to an end. His heart was beating so intensely that even the cars

next to him on the ride home could have probably heard it. Meanwhile, his girlfriend

Julia was already out with her friends trying to forget about him as if he was just

some small obstacle in her life that she had to overcome; they were complete

opposites. When he finally pulled up to his apartment complex he parked in front of

the basketball court, got out of his car, locked it, and then looked up into the setting

sun in the distance and thought to himself,

“Why cant my heart find its missing piece. Where is the vent to my swollen

heart? Why can’t I find real love that doesn’t depend on anything besides my

dreams? Why can’t I find love like the love that Mary and Percy Shelly shared? Why

is it that love refuses the ones who adore her the most?”