BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL

1. I Refuse to be Ignorant

1 Corinthians 14:38

2. With Her Own Hands

Proverbs 14:1

3. This Is How A Man Is Happy

Psalm 128:1-6

4. The Challenge for Children

Ephesians 6:1-4BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL

“I Refuse to be Ignorant”

By Pastor Delbert Young

Life Gate MinistriesWe are beginning a series today – BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL. I have
taught this in the past. However, this will not be the identical teaching. It will have the same title
and some of the same thoughts, but also many new thoughts. If you are married, were married, or
will ever be married, this will help you.
I remember the day. It was June 26, 1967. At the church altar in Midway Methodist Church, I
stood with my beautiful bride. She was seventeen and I was nineteen. After repeating all the vows,
we each said, “I do.” The preacher presented to the people Mr. and Mrs. Delbert Young. Away we
went into a life of “living happily ever after.” Sure we did. A year later, we had a baby. There was
not enough money to pay our bills. We fussed a lot. We were beginning not to like each other and it
was downhill from there for many years to come. We were heading for destruction, but something
changed.
Every marriage, I repeat, EVERY MARRIAGE goes through tough times. There is no “perfect
marriage” and there is no “happily ever after.” At least, not as we imagine “happily ever after” to
be.
Allow me to give us some very positive thoughts from some of the most recent divorce stats I can
find.
Since 1990:
1991, 47%
1992, 48%
1993, 46%
1994, 46%
1995, 46%
1995, 43%
1997, 43%,
1998, 42%,
1999, 41%,
2000, 41%,
2001, 40%,
2002, 40%,
2003, 39%
2004, 37% [1]
 The current divorce rate is 37%. Delbert, what is positive about that? The divorce rate is declining.
It has gone from 47% in 1991 to 37% in 2004. The positive thought is the odds are for today’s
marriages – your marriage – working. Vegas would take 63% odds every day of the week.
A wonderful trend is taking place. I was in Wal-Mart recently and noticed something that I had
never noticed before. No less than four times in a few minutes, I watched dads genuinely and
lovingly taking care of their children. I love watching my son with his newborn child. Something
very special is happening today in homes. Most likely the reason that the divorce rate is falling is
because men are becoming fathers and not simply siring children. As we said on Mother’s Day, the
greatest gift a man can give a woman is to love her children. Something wonderful is happening.
Another interesting thought and point is how the “gay marriage” issue played a large part in the
2004 Presidential election. Overwhelmingly the United States voted down “gay marriages” with
only Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, and Oregon voting for it.[2] What that tells us is that
people are awakening again to the importance of marriage and the home.
The purpose of our series is not simply salvaging your home. It is to increase greatly the potential
of your home. God does not want your home to “make it.” He wants your home to be strong,
vibrant, and meaningful. Is it? Is it what you want it to be?
I BELIEVE THAT I CAN HELP. Why do homes fail? Have you ever pondered that thought? I
am certain we could come up with many answers, but in a moment I plan to show us the one true
answer.
Why does it seem that praying and begging God will not save a home? Why does the Lord not
want people to be leaders in his church if their homes are in chaos? How can two people truly be in
love and yet their marriage fail? Why does counseling, even Christian counseling, not save a home?
What can you do to make certain that you are building a home that will last? I hope that we can give
some real answers to these questions.
I am aware that 37% of us have suffered divorce and failed homes. I am aware that some have
suffered more than one failed home. Most that have suffered failed homes have already or will
remarry. You are forced to deal with your “x’s” and your spouses “x’s.” You are forced to deal with
your children and the children of your spouse. It is complicated and delicate, but I want to help you.
I am also aware that experience does not always bring success. We can marry and remarry fifteen
times and still not enjoy a successful home.
I am aware that some of us, at this very moment, live in a “hell” at home. Some homes are
struggling to survive and are uncertain what the future may hold. I believe we can help you.
I am aware that some of us have children that are in rebellion. There seems to be no hope. It sucks
the life out of you. They are driving you crazy, damaging your relationship with your spouse,
damaging your relationship with your other children, and undermining your home. I hope to help.
I am aware some of us have never married, but will one day. I can help you know what to look for
in a spouse and how to prepare yourself for marriage.
I am also aware that some of us have very good marriages. I believe that by talking about issues,
we can help make good marriages better. Let’s get started.
WHY DO HOMES FAIL?
[Hosea 4:6] my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected
knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; BECAUSE YOU HAVE IGNORED THE LAW OF YOUR
GOD, I also will ignore your children.
How does that verse work out in real life? First, let’s equate “the Law of your God” to “the way
life works.” In other words, the law of your God is how God designed the universe to operate. For
example, the earth rotates in twenty-four hour segments. That is the law of your God. It is how God
set life up to work and it works perfectly every time every day and it will never change. It will not
change for you or for me. That is the law of your God and that is how life works. We accept that and
adjust our lives accordingly. But, let’s say that I decided to change it so that MY days were twelve
hour days. How would that work? I would be out of sync with everyone else and out of sync with
the law of God. Nothing would work correctly. I would be sleeping when I should be awake, going
when I should be coming, and my entire life would be out of order because I decided to change the
law of my God.
We understand that and say, “That is silly. Who would attempt to change a 24-hour day into 12
hours?” Yet, when it comes to other aspects of the law of God such as selection of a spouse, relating
to your spouse, finances in your home, raising children, etc., we expect the law of God to change for
us. Allow me to tell you God’s laws never do change and they never will. As certain as a day is 24
hours long and that will never change, God’s laws about your home are certain and will never
change. You can build your home your way and watch it self-destruct, or God’s way and watch it
stand strong against any and every storm that comes. Notice in Hosea 4:6, it was not the devil
destroying. It was that God’s people ignored the laws of God. We must stop blaming the devil and
get knowledge.
By the way, how many know and could tell me right now God’s laws about selecting a spouse,
God’s laws about relating to your spouse, God’s laws about finances, and God’s laws about raising
children? If you cannot then you are heading for self-destruction.
[Hosea 4:6] MY PEOPLE ARE DESTROYED from lack of knowledge…
The Hebrew word translated destroyed is damah (Strong’s #1820) and means to be dumb or
silent; hence to fail or perish. The verse actually says, “my people are dumb, fail, and perish from
lack of knowledge.” Think about that just a minute. Would you have failed at anything in your life
had you had sufficient knowledge about it? For example, that crazy “x” you had, would you have
even married him or her had you had sufficient knowledge? Do you see what I mean?
KNOWLEDGE IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUCCESS AND FAILURE.
What do you really KNOW about building a home? I am not asking what have you experienced, or
what mom and dad showed you. What do you KNOW as absolute fact – as certain as the sun comes
up every twenty-four hours? If what you know is only what you have experienced in the past and
the past has failed, then your future could be heading for failure also unless you obtain absolute
KNOWLEDGE.
[Hosea 4:6] …BECAUSE YOU HAVE IGNORED the law of your God…
The Hebrew word translated in Hosea 4:6 as ignored (NIV) and reject (KJV) is ma'ac (Strong’s
#3988) and means, “to spurn.” It is not that the knowledge is not available. The knowledge is
“SPURNED.” God’s people ignore knowledge and what does my ignoring available knowledge do
for me? Ignoring available information makes me ignore-ant. It is not that I do not have the ability
to learn, or that the information is not available. It is that I have chosen to be ignorant – to spurn
God’s absolute laws. The apostle Paul gave some serious instructions to the church and then said,
[1 Corinthians 14:38] If he ignores this, he himself will be ignored. (NIV)
[1 Corinthians 14:38] But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant. (KJV)
My point is that Hosea 4:6 tells us that we experience destruction and failure in our homes, and in
any area of life, because we IGNORE (spurn) God’s laws on how life works. Allow me to say this in
a different way. YOUR HOME CANNOT FAIL IF YOU DO IT ACCORDING TO GOD’S WAYS.
God’s ways are as absolute as a 24-hour day.
I must make one more point from Hosea 4:6.
[Hosea 4:6] …because YOU have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore YOUR
CHILDREN.
Notice that what you do as parents will absolutely affect your children. I know that verse sounds
harsh, but allow me to try to show you how this actually works. The verse speaks about parents and
their children. At least two generations are involved – you and your children.
It is most likely that the way our parents thought, approached life, and established their homes is,
to a great extent, the way we think, approach life, and have (or will) established our homes. It is
highly likely that the basic approach to life that my wife and I have has been entrenched into our
children. For example, the way my son has observed me treating my wife is most likely how he will
treat his wife. How my son has observed me raising my children is most likely how he will raise his
children. The way my children have observed their parents building a home is most likely the way
they will build their homes. In fact, I am watching that fact take place before my eyes with my
children.
So, if I have ignored (spurned) the correct ways – God’s absolutes – to establish my home, it is
highly likely my children will be ignorant and may never know the correct way to establish their
homes. If I am ignorant and I teach my children all I know then what have I taught my children? I
have only taught them to be ignorant also. Is information available from God’s word about how to
build a home? Absolutely! Yet, if I ignore (spurn) that information and teach my children all I know,
then, if I have taught them anything, I have taught them to ignore (spurn) God’s ways also.
Let’s say that I attempt to run my home by yelling, anger, and intimidation. What have I taught my
children? How, most likely, will my son attempt to run his home? Will I have presented a proper
husband and father to my daughter? What type of husband will she, most likely, have? Because I
ignored God’s laws, my children suffer. Then, what will my children teach my grandchildren about
building a home? The results are that I have raised children that are ignorant (spurn God’s laws).
I was once that intimidating dad and husband. However, I changed things. I am no longer
ignorant. I know God’s laws. I am going to show you what God’s laws are concerning your home in
our series.
One more example and then we will close. If I ignore (spurn) of God’s laws about finances, what
have I taught my children? If I constantly over extend myself financially and never tithe to the
kingdom of God shutting up God’s blessings, what will most likely happen to my children? Not
only will I live my entire life in financial bondage, but also I have taught my children and
grandchildren to do the same. I was once that dad also. It was not until I applied God’s laws that my
finances aligned with the blessings promised in God’s word.
I asked you earlier, “Why do families fail.” The answer that I have attempted to project to you is
that people have elected to spurn and ignore God’s absolute laws. People suffer a hell instead of a
home – failed homes, unhappiness, debt, unruly and rebellious children, etc. Plus, they have taught
those things to their children. Sadly, as sure as the sun will come up every 24 hours, they will
experience destruction and failure. It does not have to be that way. It can be that as surely as the sun
comes up every 24 hours that they will experience a home of joy that can stand any storm.
Will you let me try to help you? Will you come these next weeks hungry to apply God’s laws?

[1]
Census Bureau's Statistical Abstract of the U.S. National Vital Statistics Report -
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr53/nvsr53_02.pdf and
http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html
[2]
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2004/pages/results/ballot.measures/

BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL

“With Her Own Hands”
By Pastor Delbert Young
Life Gate Ministries
204 North Main Street, LaFayette, GA 30728
706-638-7620
www.lifegatechurch.com
We are in our series called BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL. This will be the second lesson in our
series. I would have talked about the man and his role in the home in this lesson. However, because
next Sunday is Father’s Day, we will do that next week. Today, we will talk about the woman of the
home. More specifically, we will talk about the number one issue that the Bible addresses
concerning the woman. Husbands, after today’s lesson, if your wife asks you, “Do you think I am
like that?” tell her the truth. MY GOAL IS TO GET YOU LADIES TO EVALUATE
YOURSELVES. Perhaps you are now a single mom. You can evaluate and see if what we are
talking about played a part. If not, great. You will have tremendous insight if you remarry.
Ladies, have you ever been around another woman that talked too much? I do not mean just talk. I
mean, a woman that had something to say about everything and everyone and what she said was
usually negative. She was always attempting to run her business, her husband’s business, her grown
children’s business, her neighbor’s business, her brother’s and sister’s business, and everyone’s
business. Have you been around a woman who drove people crazy and was always stirring up
something with her talking, complaining, and arguing? A woman can rip apart her own home by not
knowing when to be quiet.
We are about to look at scripture after scripture placed in the Bible to caution women. The reason I
am doing this is to get the point across to the women about how much the Bible actually says and
warns about this. According to the Bible, it is the most serious problem a woman faces when it
comes to her home. It can be the difference between BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL.
[Hosea 4:6] my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you
as my priests; because YOU HAVE IGNORED the law of your God, I also will ignore your children.
God said, MY PEOPLE. This is not about the devil’s people, or the “lost” people. God’s people are
destroyed because they lack knowledge. It is not that the information is not available. It is that the
information has been rejected. The Knowledge has been ignored that teaches the ways of God. God
has made unchangeable laws. Gravity is an unchangeable law. A 24-hour day is an unchangeable
law. I must adjust my life to God’s unchangeable ways if I expect to experience an abundant life.
God said that our ignoring God’s ways will affect our children – families. Our families are
destroyed because we continue to ignore the laws and ways of God. Last time we talked about this
in the lesson called, I Refuse to be Ignorant. What is it that every woman must refuse to be ignorant
concerning?
[NIV] Proverbs 14:1 The WISE woman builds her house, but WITH HER OWN HANDS the FOOLISH one tears hers
down.
There is our title. I am fully aware of the Biblical position of the husband in the home, but wife, you
also have responsibility. In this verse, it is not the husband tearing down the home. It is not the
children doing it. It is not the finances destroying it. It is not another woman doing it. It is not the
devil destroying it. This foolish woman is destroying her own home with her own hands because
she has ignored (ignore-ant) God’s ways. The primary piece of knowledge that the Lord says a
woman cannot ignore is to learn when to stop talking and stirring up contention.
[KJV] Proverbs 9:13 A foolish woman is CLAMOROUS: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
[NRS] Proverbs 9:13 The foolish woman is LOUD; she is IGNORANT and knows nothing.
[AMP] Proverbs 9:13 The foolish woman is NOISY; she is simple and open to all forms of evil, she [ willfully and
recklessly] knows nothing whatever.
How does the Bible say we can identify a foolish woman? She has proven that she is foolish by her
clamor, loudness, and noise. Notice some of the connecting thoughts that go along with a
clamoring, loud, and noisy woman –“…knoweth nothing.” “…ignorant and knows nothing.”
“ willfully and recklessly knows nothing whatever.” She does not want to know how to make her hell
a home. She wants it the way it is which is her running it with clamor and manipulation.
The Hebrew word translated clamorous, loud and noisy in the above passages is hamah (Strong’s
#1993) and means to make a load sound); to be in great commotion or tumult, to rage, war. It is not
that she is simply clamorous, loud and noisy. She makes great commotion, tumult, rage, and makes
war.
In situations like this, the husband will come from work ready to relax and rest. The wife will begin
talking and clamoring. She will go through the house talking. Ladies, he is not listening to you. In
fact, he is saying to himself, “Can’t she PLEASE BE QUIET. She is driving me crazy!” WITH HER
OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
[Message] Proverbs 12:4 A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.
A man with a wife that disgraces and embarrasses him when it comes to his home – children,
housekeeping, spending money, appearance, etc. and not allowing him to be the husband and father
– is like a man with bone cancer. To the husband, it is like a painfully slow death that eats away at
him every minute of every day on the inside. The man does not want to come home because home
has become a sickening hell. WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 19:13 A FOOLISH SON is his father's ruin, and a QUARRELSOME WIFE is like a constant dripping.
Please notice that the Spirit connected the foolish son (children) and a quarrelsome wife. Some
mothers have a tendency to want to be their children’s friend rather than being their mother. So, she
befriends the children and quarrels with the father especially when the father is attempting to
discipline, lead, and direct. This will produce FOOLISH CHILDREN every time. The children
become problem children. There is always rebellion and often addictions. The Bible says this
woman is like a dripping water spigot – drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. The father tries to grab the
handle and twist it as tight as he can, but it keeps dripping. It will not stop. He talks to his wife
about the situation, but drip, drip, drip, drip. The husband feels like he works, pays the bills, but he
is only a doormat walked and dripped on by the wife and children. What he says is neither respected
nor desired and it drives the man crazy – drip, drip, drip. And WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[KJV] Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness [NIV – desert], than with a contentious and an angry
woman.
Sometimes it is like living in a different world – a desert deserted world – when the wife is
contentious (great commotion, tumult, rage, war). The husband feels deserted, left out and alone.
However, he would rather do that than constantly/daily fight the wife and the children. All the
while, the home is a living hell and falling apart. And WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
The husband is looking for peace, so rather than constantly fight with his wife and be made to feel
unappreciated, he simply creates his own little corner and attempts to live there in peace. It can be
his chair, or his shop, or, if necessary, a corner on top of the roof. He would prefer living there than
dealing with a quarrelsome wife. The entire time, the children are rebelling and getting into trouble.
The wife is allowing her desire to be “friends” with her children to undermine her marriage and
destroy her home. And WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 30:21 "Under three things the earth trembles [KJV – disquieted], under four it cannot bear up:
There are three things that disrupt the quietness on earth. The Hebrew word translated trembles and
disquieted is ragaz (Strong’s #7264) and means to quiver with any violent emotion, espec. anger or
fear. The verse then says, “Under three things the earth experiences violent emotion, anger, and
fear.” Here is the third one.
[KJV] Proverbs 30:23 For an odious woman when she is married
Nothing can anger a husband more than an odious – revolting – woman. Nothing can stir up his
emotions more than an odious – revolting woman. He fears having to deal with situations allowed
by and created by his wife again and again. He fears he will lose his family if he does. Because she
is constantly dripping, clamorous, foolish, raising foolish children, loud, contentious, ignorant, and
brawling, she can turn her husband’s love into hate and anger. Do you remember what Proverbs
14:1 said?
[NIV] Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but WITH HER OWN HANDS the foolish one tears hers down.
I have attempted to give you the number one issue of which the Bible warns the woman. It is being
a contentious woman. I want to spend the time left that we have together to attempt to give you the
solution.
1 Peter 3:1-4 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may
without the word be won BY THE CONVERSATION OF THE WIVES; While they behold YOUR CHASTE
CONVERSATION coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of
wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a MEEK AND QUIET SPIRIT, which is in the sight of God of great price.
Peter’s context is simple. It is about the woman who develops and builds a home and not a hell.
Notice that the conversation has changed. It is now chaste, or controlled, conversation. It is not a
conversation that is repulsive, or drives the man away. It is a conversation that attracts the man. He
wants to be with her and will even desire to go to church with her. In fact, the word conversation
does not mean talking only. It means her lifestyle. Notice that she has a meek [gentle] and quiet
spirit. It means a controlled disposition – chaste conversation.
Peter said that she should be in subjection to her own husband. Subjection is a bad word, right? I
know some of the women are saying, “My husband does not understand. I cannot subject myself or
my children to him. I cannot talk to him. He yells all the time.” I must ask you, “Why?” Why does
he need to yell? Could it be because he cannot get a word in edgewise? Does he have to yell to be
heard? Possibly – this is not always the case, but often is. When he does talk, does anyone really
listen? Does anything change? The solution is TRUST IN GOD. It is impossible to biblically be in
subjection to your own husband if a woman does not TRUST IN GOD.
The woman who builds a home and not a hell has a controlled disposition. This is exactly what
Peter is sharing as he gives us a reference.
1 Peter 3:5-6 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, WHO TRUSTED IN GOD, adorned
themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose
daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
How big is TRUSTING IN GOD when it comes to building a home? It is the solution. Wives, do
you trust God to deal with your husbands? Or, do you feel you must be clamorous, noisy, loud, and
manipulative, keep things from him, deceitful, etc?
Peter used Sarah as his example. The section is speaking of Sarah and telling believing women they
are like her “as long as” they “are not afraid with any amazement.” The word translated afraid is
phobeo and means freighted and alarmed. Sarah would not allow any phobeo that Abraham caused
to stop her from TRUSTING IN GOD.
[NIV] 1 Peter 3:6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is
right and DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR.
Sarah would not give way to fear. The verse said that Sarah obeyed Abraham. It does not mean that
wives are to obey their husbands like a puppy dog or call him “master” or “lord.” The thought is
that Sarah did what Abraham asked her to do (obeyed) and that she respected him (called him
master.) Your husband needs you to do what he asks you to do. Certainly you express your ideas
and thoughts, but once a decision is made, he needs you to do what he asked. Your husband also
needs you to do what he asks you to do concerning the home/children and needs your respect. These
are crucial. If a woman cannot do what her husband asks her to do and give him the respect he
needs then a hell is being built.
Wives may say, “Well, he does some dumb things.” Let me tell you what Peter is referencing in 1
Peter 3:6. The Bible tells Sarah’s story in (Gen chapters 11-23). Sarah was a very beautiful woman.
Originally, her name was Sarai. She married a man named Abram (became Abraham) and he put
Sarah through some amazing things.
Around mid-life for Sarah, Abraham packed her up and moved her from her house, family, and
friends to begin a new city that did not exist. Let’s put that into perspective. Your husband comes
home one day and says, “Baby, pack up. Say goodbye to your parents, family, and friends. We are
moving to the Alaskan wilderness to start a city that does not yet exist.” How would you do? Sarah
moved and did it without giving way to fear. How did she do that? She TRUSTED GOD.
Later, Abraham told Sarah that God had spoken to him. They were to pack up and move again to
some land a great distance away. Sarah was then a sixty-five year old chick. She was to pack up,
leave her house again, walk and walk, and live in a tent. She was to go to some place her husband
thought that God was going to give him. Did she do it? She did. She did it without giving way to
fear. How? Sarah TRUSTED GOD.
Sarah finally arrived at this land that Abraham led her to and a grievous famine came. Sarah was in
a strange land with no food or water. She had to wonder that if God had told Abraham to go here,
then why was there not food or water? Yet, somehow she was not afraid with any amazement. She
knew that God would take care of her. Sarah TRUSTED GOD.
Here is where it really gets strange. Abraham said, “Baby, let’s go down to Egypt.” Then Abraham
said, “Listen, you are a fine looking woman and these Egyptians will kill me for a fine looking
woman. Tell them you are my sister, not my wife.” I do not think that Abraham knew to what he
was subjecting Sarah, but Sarah did exactly what Abraham asked. Pharaoh did like Sarah and he
took Sarah. Abraham did not try to stop that. Do you think that Sarah was concerned? I do, but she
did not allow that to stop her from obeying and respecting her husband because she TRUSTED
GOD. God did intervene for Sarah and delivered her. An even more crazy aspect is that this same
thing happened again years later with a king named Abimelech. Again, God showed up. Sarah had a
unique ability to TRUST GOD even through the dumb things that Abraham put her through.
I need to take a second and make my point clear. Wife, if you were to walk into my study and tell
me that your husband told you to put yourself in a situation where you would have to be in the arms
of another man, I would tell you to get away from your husband. I would tell you that he has some
serious problems. My point is that in these crazy things that Abraham put Sarah through, she
TRUSTED IN GOD and God always took care of her and her child. You do not have to be
clamorous, loud, and noisy. You do not need to be deceptive and manipulative. By doing those
things, you will tear your house down WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. You do not have to constantly
drip, drip, drip. If you will develop a controlled disposition, not give way to fear, and TRUST GOD,
you will build a home and experience all your dreams.
Sarah dreamed of giving Abraham a son, but she could not become pregnant. She suggested that
Abraham take Hagar, Sarah’s young servant girl, and have a baby by her. Abraham did this and a
child was born whom they named Ishmael. The child and his mother lived with Abraham and Sarah.
Can you imagine how Sarah felt having to look every day at the woman who had been with her
husband and her child? It was a bad situation, but Sarah TRUSTED GOD. Again, God showed up
and told Abraham to do exactly what Sarah said. Send away the bondwoman and her son.
One day, when Sarah was eighty-nine years of age and Abraham was ninety-nine, God said that
Sarah would have a son. Think about that. How frightening is that? Did she have a son? Yes, she did
and named him Isaac. Sarah’s dream had come true. She had a son, but Abraham heard form God
again. Sarah must be thinking that it is not always a fun thing for a woman’s husband to hear from
God. This time, God told Abraham to take Isaac to a mountain called Moriah. There Abraham was
to offer Isaac as a sacrifice. How do you suppose Sarah felt about that? How did Sarah maintain a
controlled spirit? How did she remain quiet? I am certain that she did not remain silent. There is a
difference between silence and a meek and quiet spirit. How did she handle it? She TRUSTED
GOD. Think about that. Sarah’s husband was going to offer her baby as an offering and some of
you women get upset because your husband wants to discipline your child? You don’t trust God.
Sarah maintained a controlled disposition – meek and quiet spirit. She submitted to her husband
because she TRUSTED GOD. As always, it worked out and God showed up for Sarah. The Lord
provided a ram for the sacrifice. GOD WILL ALWAYS SHOW UP FOR YOU TOO!
In Genesis chapter twenty-three, Sarah died. Sarah is the only woman whose age at death is
recorded in scripture. She was one hundred and twenty-seven years old. She is also the only woman
who had a name change by the Lord – Sarai – dominative – to Sarah – woman of God (Rha). Sarah
was special because of her ability to TRUST GOD and not allow her fear to move her from
respecting her husband.
The primary warning to a woman from the Bible is to guard what you say and how you say it. Do
not be contentious. It is not that you should not talk. Sarah told Abraham how she felt and then
Abraham had to make the decision while Sarah TRUSTED GOD. Get knowledge. Don’t be
clamorous and loud. Don’t disgrace your husband. Don’t befriend your children and quarrel with
your husband. Don’t choose their side over him. If you do, you will become as bone cancer to him.
He will begin to live in a different world to find peace as you TEAR YOUR HOME DOWN WITH
YOUR OWN HANDS. Instead, be the WISE WOMAN who BUILDS A HOME WITH HER OWN
HANDS.
How many want to gain knowledge, be wise, and build a home and not a hell? Give the Lord a
shout and handclap. Amen.
BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL
“This Is How a Man is Happy”
By Pastor Delbert Young
Life Gate Ministries
204 North Main Street, LaFayette, GA 30728
706-638-7620
www.lifegatechurch.com
Today is Father’s Day. It is the day that we set apart to honor and remember our fathers. We all
had a biological father, but I pray that you actually had someone who fathered you. A father is not
that easy to come by. My Father was a gentle loving man –a high Ox temperament for those of you
who know what I am talking about. He loved my mother and he loved my sister and me. It is great
to be blessed with a father. If your father is alive, make certain that you visit or at least give him a
call today. Even if he was more of a sire than a father, your properly honoring him is as much for
your wellbeing and peace as it is for him.
We knew we would be in our series that we have titled BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL on
Father’s Day, so we arranged the lessons so that we would be talking about the man of the house
today. I have a question for you. WHAT ACTUALLY MAKES A FATHER? Jesus said you can
know a tree by its fruit (Mat 7:19). MALES CAN PRODUCE CHILDREN, BUT WHAT DOES A
FATHER PRODUCE?
I shared about my experience in Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. Something continually took place that
I could not ignore. No less than five times in about fifteen minutes, I observed men actually gently
and lovingly taking care of the children. I watched them putting the children in the shopping carts,
carrying them in the baby carriers, holding their hands shopping, etc. I watched men actually
becoming fathers. Over the past six years, I have gotten to sit back and watch my son-in-law
becoming a wonderful father to his son. I sit in awe as I watch my son every day becoming a
wonderful father to his son. It is a joy to watch. I get to watch some of you young dads in our
congregation lovingly care for your children. My point is that something wonderful is happening in
our society. MEN ARE BECOMING FATHERS AND BECAUSE OF THAT, HOUSES ARE
BECOMING HOMES.
Psalms 128:1-6 Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that WALKETH IN HIS WAYS. For
thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: HAPPY SHALT THOU BE, and it shall be well with thee.
Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round
about thy table. BEHOLD, THAT THUS SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED that feareth the LORD. THE
LORD SHALL BLESS THEE out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of
thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel.
Verse 1 speaks of the people that WALK IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD. They are HAPPY. Their
home is blessed and FRUITFUL. This is in contrast to the people we read about in Hosea 4:6 who
are destroyed because they ignore the ways of their God.
[Hosea 4:6] my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. "Because you have rejected
knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law [ways] of your God, I
also will ignore your children.
Men negatively affect their children and homes by ignoring the ways of God. Dads, do not ignore
– be ig-nor-ant – of the ways of God. No good thing can happen by rejecting his knowledge.
Psalms 128:1 BLESSED is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
The Hebrew word translated blessed in Psalm 128:1 is 'esher (Strong’s #0835) and means
happiness, how happy! It is talking about extreme happiness.
Psalm 128:2 …HAPPY SHALT THOU BE, and it shall be well with thee.
How happy should a man be? Dad, how happy should you be? Do you deserve happiness or just
want happiness. We earn long-term extreme happiness. It does not just happen. Dad, the Bible says
that if your home is not extremely happy and a place of happiness, then something is wrong. There
is some knowledge lacking or perhaps rejected. I am a happy man. I am happy 99.9% of the time. I
am always laughing and always smiling. Have you ever noticed that people who live their lives
according to the ways of the Lord are nearly always happy? THUS SHALL THE MAN BE
BLESSED.
A MAJOR PART OF A MAN’S HAPPINESS IS DETERMINED BY HIS WIFE.
Psalm 128:3 THY WIFE shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house:
The picture is a productive abundant grape vine attached to the house. The Bible teaches us in
word images. The picture is a vine producing grapes for fine wine to make the heart glad (Psa
104:15). It is not a picture of your wife stuck to the side of your house with grapes hanging from her
arms and legs. It is a picture of a wife who intoxicates her husband with happiness. She is like a fine
wine of which the man can drink in and experience happiness of body, soul, and spirit. She goes
through life attached to the man and the children bringing them joy and happiness.
When the home is WALKING IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD, the man or the children can come
home from a horrific day and his wife can somehow fix it and make them happy. As a refreshing
drink on a hot summer day, she can say and do just the right things and happiness returns. THUS
SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED.
A MAN’S CHILDREN ALSO HAVE A LOT TO DO WITH HIS HAPPINESS.
Psalm 128:3 ...THY CHILDREN like olive plants round about thy table.
We are given another word image of olive trees. My research found that “The average life
expectancy of an olive tree is 300-600 years.” [1] An article by Clarence H. Wagner, Jr. says, “The trees
were always plentiful around the countryside and are known for their tenacity. They grow in almost any
condition: on terraced hills or in valleys, in rocky or fertile soil. They can thrive in great heat with a minimum of
water, and are virtually indestructible. Some grow from root systems 2,000 years old…” [2] The imagery is
happy, healthy, children that deal well with life’s adversities and live long productive lives. Of
course, the olive tree also produced olive oil, which people used for cooking, medicinal purposes,
and for anointing.
PSA 45:7 …thy God, hath anointed thee with THE OIL OF GLADNESS above thy fellows.
The happy man, who walks in the ways of the Lord, has children who actually add to the
happiness of the home. Our children (my wife and me) always have and continue to bring happiness
to our home. In fact, they are our home. I cannot imagine life without them. How sad it is when this
is not the case. THUS SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED.
[Psalms 128:6] Yea, thou shalt SEE THY CHILDREN'S CHILDREN…
I realize that many of you have not gotten to this place in your life yet, but let me tell you, it is a
blessing that gives extreme happiness. And all the grandparents said…! When those little lives love
you, it is happiness beyond words.
Psalm 128:4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed…
This is the way it is with the blessed man that directs his home according to THE WAYS OF THE
LORD. He has a wife that he can drink in who brings him happiness. He has children that bring
happiness and are an anointing, not a shame, to him. He has grandchildren that he loves to see. He
is an extremely happy man.
I WANT TO TALK NOW ABOUT WHAT I BELIEVE IS THE MAJOR CHALLENGE a
man faces when it comes to the home. Over the years and through personal experience, I have
learned that the man of the house actually establishes the environment of the home. I know that we
men want to blame the woman for that, but, if that is the case, then we men have cowered down and
are not doing our jobs in leading the home.
Let me show you what I mean. Everything can be at peace at home. The children can be playing
and laughing. The wife can be watching the children and working. Then dad comes home. What
happens in your house when this happens? When the man walks in the door, is it like a cool summer
breeze or an arctic winter blast? Does the peaceful sunny atmosphere suddenly become icy and
explosive because dad is home, or does the atmosphere get even better because dad is home? Winter
weather will not grow happy wonderful children (olive trees). Winter weather will not grow a happy
loving wife (fruitful vine). Winter weather will not produce a happy home. The atmosphere of the
home must consistently be spring and summer. That is not to say that there will never be some
winter times. However, I do know that winter does not last all year and I also know that spring
follows winter.
What I want to show you in these next few minutes is that it is the husband’s responsibility to set
the correct atmosphere that will bring happiness.
THERE IS A PRINCIPLE WOVEN INTO CREATION. The husband is the giver. The woman
is the receiver. The offspring – children – are the product of the husband giving and the wife
receiving. There is no place in scripture that shows the woman being the primary giver. She is not
the primary giver of the atmosphere of the home. The wife receives the atmosphere given her by the
man and gives it back to him GOOD MEASURE PRESSED DOWN AND SHAKEN TOGETHER
AND RUNNING OVER.
The man is the giver. This is obvious by looking at how God physically created us. God physically
designed the man to give. God physically designed the woman to receive.
Creation shows that the man gave a rib and was given back a woman. Man gave the woman a seed
and the woman gave the man a child. It is the man who gives. The woman will receive and always
give something back. The husband will give the atmosphere to his family. The wife and children
will give him back happiness that will last, or they will give him back a hell.
In many homes today it goes something like this: The man comes home tired and projecting “I
have worked all day. GIVE ME my chair. GIVE ME quiet (Children go to your rooms). GIVE ME
food. GIVE ME the remote control. GIVE ME… GIVE ME… GIVE ME…” This sets the
atmosphere in the home. Men develop a “Give me… It’s all about me” attitude. Then we wonder
why our homes are a hell, our wife does not make us happy, our children are problems and in
rebellion, and we do not even want to see our grandchildren. A man might say, “Well, the Bible says
that the man’s home is his castle, right?” Nope, that is not in the Bible. They might say, “Well, she
is supposed to reverence me and submit to me. These children are supposed to obey me.” Those are
correct, but only after you GIVE them proper love and proper DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION.
[Ephesians 5:25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and GAVE himself
up for her
[Ephesians 6:4] And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you
treat them. Rather, bring them up with the DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION approved by the Lord.
(NLT)
The “serve me, give me, obey me” attitude is not godly.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that HE GAVE his only begotten Son…
Galatians 1:4 Who GAVE HIMSELF for our sins…
Galatians 2:20 …I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and GAVE HIMSELF for me.
Ephesians 4:8 …He led captivity captive, and GAVE gifts unto men.
Ephesians 4:11 And HE GAVE some apostles; and some prophets; and some evangelists…
1 Timothy 2:6 Who GAVE HIMSELF a ransom for all…
Titus 2:14 Who GAVE HIMSELF for us…
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and GAVE
HIMSELF for it
The way of a father is to give. The heavenly Father gave. The Lord Jesus gave. Husbands are to
love their wives and children by giving. We guys are givers. God created us and designed us to give.
Like it or not, we GIVE the atmosphere of our home. When we guys kick into this receiving mode,
a role reversal is taking place. We are, in a way, becoming like the woman.
WHAT DO HUSBANDS AND FATHERS GIVE?
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and GAVE
HIMSELF for it.
I know that wives enjoy flowers, chocolate, and cards. However husband, what she really wants is
you. Jesus gave the church all kinds of gifts, but the way he loved her was by giving HIMSELF.
Your wife needs you to GIVE HER time – some of your best time. She needs you to GIVE HER
attention by her knowing that you are really listening. She needs you to GIVE HER children love.
She needs you to GIVE her children proper discipline and instruction. She needs you to GIVE HER
appreciation for the clean house and good suppers or for working at a job if that is the case. If you
will, she will give you back a happy home – good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and
running over with happiness.
[Luke 6:38] If you GIVE, you will RECEIVE. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed
down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in
GIVING - large or small - it will be used to measure what is given back to you." (NLT)
 It is Father’s Day and I want to spend our last minutes talking specifically about Fathers. I asked
earlier, “Males can produce children, but what does a father produce?” By definition, the primary
thing that a father will produce is wonderful, loving, successful, and godly children. As a giver,
what does a father GIVE his children? Let’s allow the Bible to answer that.
[Ephesians 6:4] And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you
treat them. Rather, bring them up with the DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION APPROVED BY THE
LORD. (NLT)
To be a real father, you must GIVE your children proper discipline that is APPROVED BY THE
LORD. How do you discipline your children? Is it the way the Lord would do it? Or, do you get
mad and explode? You have just set the atmosphere of your home. You need to find the ways of the
Lord concerning discipline and then, using wisdom, apply those ways.
The other thing that Ephesians 6:4 says that a father will GIVE is INSTRUCTION to the children
that is APPROVED BY THE LORD. You can only properly instruct your children by spending
quality alone time with them. You can TELL THEM to do something a hundred times, but that is
not instruction. That is giving orders. So, HOW MUCH QUALITY ALONE TIME DO YOU
ACTUALLY SPEND WITH YOUR CHILDREN? That was what actually impressed me with my
Wal-Mart experience that I mentioned at the beginning – loving fathers actually spending quality
alone time with their children.
So, my friend, are you WALKING IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD with a happy and blessed wife
that gives you happiness to drink? Are your children happy, obedient, and producing the oil of
gladness for you? Are your grandchildren a joy that you love to see? Please do not ignore – ig-nor-
ant – the ways of your God. Be the GIVER that God created you to be and GIVE the atmosphere in
the home that brings happiness. Whatever you are giving is what you are receiving back good
measure pressed down shaken together so that you can receive more of it, and running over.
[Psalms 128:4] BEHOLD, THAT THUS SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED…
THIS IS HOW A MAN IS HAPPY!

[1]
The Olive Tree and Olive Oil, http://www.sfakia-crete.com/sfakia-crete/olive.html
[2]
Lessons From The Olive Tree, Clarence H. Wagner, Jr.,
http://www.bridgesforpeace.com/publications/teaching/Article-13.html

BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL

“The Challenge for Children”
By Pastor Delbert Young
Life Gate Ministries
204 North Main Street, LaFayette, GA 30728
706-638-7620
www.lifegatechurch.com
We are concluding our BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL series this week. Have you enjoyed it?
Has it challenged you and made you think and inventory your own self? Guess it is all according to
if you want a HOME OR A HELL.
Let’s look quickly at the verse we have used as a foundation verse.
[Hosea 4:6] my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. "Because you have rejected
knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law [ways] of your God, I
also will ignore YOUR CHILDREN.
God’s people, not the devil’s people, are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Knowledge is available,
but rejected. We will see this vividly today and also see the consequences upon our children.
 We have talked about the major challenge that the woman of the house faces – being contentious
and not trusting God to deal with her husband. We have talked about the major challenge that the
man of the house faces – maintaining an atmosphere that will provide for a wife and children a
place to make him happy. Today, let’s talk about the major challenge concerning the children.
[Ephesians 6:1-4] CHILDREN, OBEY YOUR PARENTS because you belong to the Lord, for this
is the right thing to do. "Honor your father and mother." This is the first of the Ten Commandments
that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother, "you will live
a long life, full of blessing." And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the
way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.
How many of us – adults, children, and all in-between – would say that a child obeying his or her
parents is the major challenge concerning children? It is for the child and it is for the parents. How
good would life be for everyone – children and parents – if every child obeyed his or her parents the
first time instructed every time?
The previous verses seem to suggest that the child should want to obey their parents FOR THIS
IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. However, I have found that children do not always move by the
right thing to do. Nonetheless, the apostle gives several reasons that they should do what is right.
Paul said that one reason children should obey their parents is because they …BELONG TO THE
LORD. But, how many parents have found that because your child is a Christian does not always
help a lot when it comes to their obeying? It should, but does not. Paul said another reason that
children should want to obey their parents is because obeying is …HONORING YOUR FATHER
AND MOTHER. That simply means that the children give the parents a good name. But again, how
many parents have found that most children do not even think about bringing a good name to their
parents. Paul gives another reason that children should obey their parents. He said that the fifth
commandment, which is honor your father and mother, gives a promise which is YOU WILL LIVE
A LONG LIFE, FULL OF BLESSING. However again, I have never seen a child obey because of
that promise. I do not think that Paul had seen it much either, so he moved to where the
responsibility actually falls and how children obeying their parents will actually happen. He said,
“And now a word to you FATHERS.” Let’s look at that verse again.
[Ephesians 6:4] And now a word to YOU FATHERS. DON'T MAKE YOUR CHILDREN ANGRY by
the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION
APPROVED BY THE LORD.
Fathers, it is on you to have children that obey. I am aware that there are single moms. In that case,
you move into this position and, actually, it can be easier because you will not have to battle with a
spouse when it comes to discipline.
Discipline and instruction are on the father’s shoulders. However, verse 1 said, Children obey
your PARENTS. That means the mother does discipline, too. Usually the mother is with the
children much more than the father. She will actually be required to do more of the actual
disciplining. The father is to be there to reinforce what mom has already addressed. Sometimes this
requires double discipline – get it from mom and get it from dad. Mom, you can’t let the children
run crazy and then dump all the discipline on dad when he gets home. You are tearing your house
down with your own hands.
Let me say that DISCIPLINE is APPROVED BY THE LORD. I find that often one or both
parents have trouble with disciplining their children. The results are always children out of control.
Add to that the dilemma of stepparents and it becomes complex and more difficult. Parents and
stepparents have to be a team on the same page doing the same things if you want children that
obey and make you look good and give you a good name.
The first thing that Paul instructed fathers to do was, “Don't make your children angry by the
way you treat them.” WHAT? You are telling me that I am supposed to be responsible for my
children’s obedience, but that I am not supposed to make them ANGRY? That is what the Bible
says. Allow me to explain. Your child will become angry when properly disciplined, but when
parents have correctly established the boundaries of obedience and the parents and the child have
discussed those boundaries and discipline, the child HAS NO RIGHT TO become angry with the
parents. You establish solid, unmovable, no trespass boundaries. Establish also the discipline for
trespassing just as solidly and unmovable. Everyone knows them and THE PARENTS AND THE
CHILDREN agree that, if the child does this, then this is the penalty. When the child crosses the
boundary, they are bringing the discipline upon themselves. They HAVE NO RIGHT TO become
angry with the parent. You are only doing what everyone KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES
WOULD BE..
A problem I see today is the parents allow the child to set the boundaries and constantly move
them. Or, there is no consistent discipline when boundaries are crossed. One time it is ok to cross,
but the next time it is not. Children become confused and angry with the parent because there are no
clear, solid, unmovable boundaries and consistent discipline. When done correctly, the child will
obey and honor you and not be angry because of the way you treat them.
Then Paul said, “Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the
Lord.” No decent parent “enjoys” disciplining his or her child and your child knows that. The child
will play that card to manipulate the parents and, if possible, play the parents against one another. It
is in this arena that I see some serious problems today. Mom and dad must agree upon both
boundaries and discipline. If you are not a team and not on the same page, here is what usually
happens. Usually, not always, mom and the children will keep things FROM OR conspire against
dad. “Now, let’s not tell daddy about this. He will not understand. He will get mad. We will just
keep this between us. Okay?” Mom, you are totally confusing your children. You are training them
to deceive not only their father, but also you. If it’s ok to deceive dad, then it must be ok to deceive
mom and later, they will deceive their husband or wife. IN REALITY, YOU ARE TRAINING
YOUR CHILDREN TO BE DECEITFUL AND MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE.
Fathers, you would be amazed how much this is happening. I will say it this way. This COULD
BE happening in most of your homes. Why? It is because the father has not taken responsibility for
the obedience of your children APPROVED BY THE LORD. Your wife obviously does not trust you
to discipline. Either she is: (1) plainly manipulative; (2) feels dad will not discipline; (3) or feels
that when dad does discipline, he goes over the top. “GOING Over the top” usually happens when
dad has taken all he can take because the wife restricts consistent discipline or is always moving the
boundaries. Mom, I think that is a cop out. Can I say this? We would know if we had abusive dads
and we do not. However, we do know that we have some rebellious children and frustrated fathers.
I am not going to talk about discipline techniques today. I will give one scripture in different
translations to show you how far some of us are from the ways of god.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he
shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Now take inventory. See how that grates and repulses you. See how society has affected you to
make you think that is wrong and abusive. It is not a pleasurable verse for any of us and if you said
something like, “I’m not going to do that,” then you have rejected the Word of God. You have
ignored God’s Word and forced God to ignore you and your children not because he wants to. You
have tied his hands.
NIV - 23:13-14 DO NOT WITHHOLD DISCIPLINE FROM A CHILD; if you punish him with the rod,
he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
I could give you scripture after scripture along these lines, but why? Most are not going to do it. I
say that from experience. We did a workshop a few years ago where we went through this
extensively. DID ANYTHING CHANGE IN YOUR HOMES? I just keep hearing the horror
stories about your children. Did you know that some people do not allow their children to come to
SHINE or the children’s ministries because of the way some of our children behave?
Allow me to say this before I leave this scripture. If you do what the Word of God says concerning
“the rod,” use wisdom. Do not “PUNISH” (discipline) your child WITH THE ROD in the middle of
Wal-Mart. My daughter Bonnie has two “real” boys and does a very good job with discipline. One
or both of them became very disobedient while out shopping one day. Bonnie took the boys to the
car. Closed the doors and there “PUNISHED THEM WITH THE ROD.” Use some wisdom.
The form of discipline changes as the child becomes older.
 [Proverbs 22:6] Train up a CHILD in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart
from it.
The Hebrew word for child is na`ar 5288 and means from the age of infancy to adolescence. You
will train a toddler differently than you will train a seventeen-year-old. A spanking may be just the
right discipline for a dad to give a toddler or a twelve year old, but not a good option for a
seventeen-year-old young woman acting like a ten year old. Discipline needs to remain consistent.
If a spanking is an adequate discipline for a toddler then an equally adequate discipline must take
place for the seventeen-year-old, i.e. driving privileges, going off with friends, telephone, internet,
allowance, etc.
Consistency is a must. You may have heard my children talk about “the eye.” I have this habit of
raising my right eyebrow when I am intense and serious. If my children were misbehaving and I
gave them “the eye,” they knew they were about to be trained. They already knew what boundary
they had crossed and they already knew the consequence. They NEVER REMAINED ANGRY
WITH ME NOR DID THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO BE angry with me WHEN I ENFORCED THE
CONSEQUENCE. What they said was something like, “Oh no! I messed up.”
Paul said “discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” In our last few minutes, I want to talk
about the INSTRUCTION part. I instructed my son how to play baseball, fish, and hunt, drive a car,
work on automobiles, fix things, etc. I did that instruction by spending a lot of quality time with him
doing those things. My point is INSTRUCTION is not commands and orders. While I was
instructing about those things, I was also instructing him about how to be a father, a husband, and
an employee – a man. I ALSO INSTRUCTED HIM AS I DISCIPLINED HIM. WE WOULD
DISCUSS WHY I WAS PUNISHING HIM AND THEN I PUNISHED HIM. I DID NOT JUST
THROW HIM ACROSS THE BED AND PUNISH HIM WITH THE ROD. I did it the way
APPROVED BY THE LORD (Bible). Did I ever fumble the ball? Oh yes thousands of times!
Sometimes I even ran the wrong direction and crossed the wrong goal line. I do not want to present
myself as the perfect father and husband. I have not been, but I did INSTRUCT my children by
spending a lot of quality time with them. Do you know what? I still do and enjoy it. They were the
cream then and they continue to be top-notch people now raising their children in the discipline and
instruction approved by the Lord.
So, father, do you attempt to “give orders” to instruct, or do you instruct by giving quality time? I
have noticed that most unruly children have spent little quality time with their fathers or stepfathers.
I am not saying it is always that way, but often that way. That will carry over into their spiritual life
as well. To them, Father God will not be fun to be around. He will only be a Father of orders and
commands.
The primary challenge for a child is to OBEY YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER. If they will, they
will be good Christians winning people to Jesus. They will bring honor – good name – to their
parents. They will live long and blessed lives. However, all that depends upon fathers teaming with
the wife to establish and do discipline and instruction approved by the Lord. Pre-establish
boundaries and consequences. Be consistent. Do not move boundaries or allow the child to move
the boundaries nor the consequences. Spend quality time to instruct. NOW THESE THREE
REMAIN, TEAMWORK, INSTRUCTION AND CONSISTENCY. WHAT DO YOU NEED TO
WORK ON THE MOST? If you will, you will have children that will obey you, honor you, and
live long and blessed lives. You will have a HOME AND NOT A HELL.