At the heart of the domestic ideal was the mother and her children.

Since early in the 19th century the role

of mother had been idealised. Motherhood was no longer simply a reproductive function, but was imbued
with symbolic meaning. Domesticity and motherhood were portrayed as sufficient emotional fulfilment for
women and many middle-class women regarded motherhood and domestic life as a 'sweet vocation', a
substitute for women's productive role.
'... the childless single woman was a figure to be pitied.'
Women of the middle classes spent more time with their children than their predecessors. They were more
likely to breast-feed, to play with and educate their children, and to incorporate them in the day-to-day life
of the home. Middle-class women who, by mid century, were giving birth 'confined' within the home, now
achieved true womanhood if they responded emotionally to their infants and bonded with them through
breast-feeding and constant attendance. Motherhood was seen as an affirmation of their identity.
Marriage signified a woman's maturity and respectability, but motherhood was confirmation that she had
entered the world of womanly virtue and female fulfilment. For a woman not to become a mother meant she
was liable to be labelled inadequate, a failure or in some way abnormal. Motherhood was expected of a
married woman and the childless single woman was a figure to be pitied. She was often encouraged to find
work caring for children - as a governess or a nursery maid - presumably to compensate her for her loss.
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‘Separate spheres’
The two sexes now inhabited what Victorians thought of as ‘separate spheres’, only coming
together at breakfast and again at dinner.

The ideology of Separate Spheres rested on a definition of the ‘natural’ characteristics of women
and men. Women were considered physically weaker yet morally superior to men, which meant
that they were best suited to the domestic sphere. Not only was it their job to counterbalance the
moral taint of the public sphere in which their husbands laboured all day, they were also
preparing the next generation to carry on this way of life. The fact that women had such great
influence at home was used as an argument against giving them the vote.
 Women did, though, require a new kind of education to prepare them for this role of ‘Angel in the
House’. Rather than attracting a husband through their domestic abilities, middle-class girls were
coached in what were known as ‘accomplishments’. These would be learned either at boarding
school or from a resident governess. In Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice the snobbish Caroline
Bingley lists the skills required by any young lady who considers herself accomplished:

A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern
languages … ; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner
of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions … (ch. 8)

Marriage and sexuality

At the same time, a young girl was not expected to focus too obviously on finding a husband.
Being ‘forward’ in the company of men suggested a worrying sexual appetite. Women were
assumed to desire marriage because it allowed them to become mothers rather than to pursue
sexual or emotional satisfaction. One doctor, William Acton, famously declared that ‘The majority
of women (happily for them) are not very much troubled with sexual feeling of any kind’.

Girls usually married in their early to mid-20s. Typically, the groom would be five years older. Not
only did this reinforce the ‘natural’ hierarchy between the sexes, but it also made sound financial
sense. A young man needed to be able to show that he earned enough money to support a wife
and any future children before the girl’s father would give his permission. Some unfortunate
couples were obliged to endure an engagement lasting decades before they could afford to
marry.

If a young man was particularly pious he might manage to stay chaste until he married. Many
respectable young men, however, resorted to using prostitutes. All the major cities had red light
districts where it was easy to find a woman whom you could pay for sex. Out-of-towners could
consult such volumes as Roger Funnyman’s The Swell’s Night Guide through the Metropolis.
Unfortunately syphilis and other sexual diseases were rife, and many young men unwittingly
passed on the infection to their wives. For those unlucky enough to develop full-blown tertiary
syphilis, the result was a painful and lingering death, usually in the mid-40s.

They were not even allowed to speak to men unless there was a married woman present as a
chaperone

Cult of domesticity?

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The Victorian Baby: 19th Century Advice on Motherhood and

Maternity
May 8, 2016 | 20 comments

First Born by Gustave Leonard de Jonghe, 1863.

During the 19th century, there were many sources of information on motherhood and
maternity. Some new mothers relied on the instructions of their nurse, midwife, or
physician. While others used the example set by their own mother as a guide for
their conduct. For all the questions remaining, there were motherhood and
maternity manuals produced by hospitals, religious organizations, and advice
experts. These guides advised on everything from conception and pregnancy to
nursery decoration, childrearing, and teenage rebellion.
Maternity Fashion
When it came to clothing, Victorian maternity manuals advised that the expectant
mother let comfort be her guide. However, as a rule, tight corsets were discouraged,
as were any form-fitting garments which might impede either the pregnant woman’s
circulation or the growth of the fetus. In fact, as Dr. John West explains in his 1887
book Maidenhood and Motherhood:

“The French term enceinte was originally applied to pregnant women from a habit of
laying aside the belt or girdle which they were otherwise accustomed to wear; hence, the
term enceinte means to be unbound, and has come to be applied to women in ante-
confinement motherhood”

Not only were tight clothes a danger to a lady’s health, they were also seen as not
particularly modest for a woman in the more visible stages of pregnancy. According
to West:

“While there is no demand that the mother make an undue advertisement of her state,
which would be as immodest as the attempts at its concealment, it is eminently desirable
that her dress, especially about those parts of her body which are the regions of procreative
life, be worn quite loosely.”

1882 Silk Maternity Dress.

(Image via Met Museum)

A Delivery Room Coiffure

In her 1896 book Preparation for Motherhood, author Elizabeth Scovil advises on the
proper hairstyle for the delivery room. This is not as frivolous as it sounds. Many
Victorian ladies had very long hair and if left unbraided during their confinement, it
could become so inextricably knotted that the strands of hair would have to be
“drawn out of a knot by picking up each one separately with a needle.” As Scovil
explains:

“Hair forty inches long that had been untouched by comb or brush for three weeks, had
been disentangled, but it is a task that equals one of the labors of Hercules.”

To prevent this catastrophe, Scovil advises that during the first signs of labor, the
expectant mother’s hair should be styled into braids. She writes:

“The hair should be parted in the middle at the back, firmly braided in two tails and tied so
it will not come unloosed. It is then no great matter if it cannot be brushed or combed for
several days. It will be found smooth and untangled when it is unplaited.”

The First Nine Days

Having given birth, the new mother was changed into a fresh nightgown and, if
chilled, she was given something warm to drink. After attending to her basic needs
for warmth and comfort, it was important that the new mother be left alone. Scovil
states:

“After all that the newly made mother has under gone, she needs perfect quiet for several
hours before she is permitted to see anyone. A five minutes interview with her husband is
all that should be granted.”

Even if the new mother insisted that she was well enough to see her friends and
family, it was critical that she not be allowed any company until she had had
adequate rest and sleep. According to Scovil:

“Excitement is dangerous and no visitors must be permitted to enter the room, nor should
conversation be allowed, even if she wishes to talk. Neglect of this precaution may cause
serious disaster, even when all seems to be going on well.”
 The Young Mother by Gustave Léonard de Jonghe, late 19th century.

It was not only excess company that posed a danger to the new mother, but excess
light. Scovil advised that the mother’s room be “partially darkened” during the day
and that, during the night, it be lit only with a shaded gas lamp. Even worse—at
least, for those of us who are inveterate readers—Scovil declares:

“Even if she feels well she should not read until after the third day. Rest of mind and body
is all important.”

There was no absolute rule about how long the new mother must remain confined to
her bed. However, West acknowledges the old, “oft repeated” dictum that:

“She must not get up until the ninth day.”

Though West states that this is a safe rule in “normal child-bed convalescence,” he
points out that the amount of time spent in bed after giving birth can range anywhere
from five to fifteen days, depending on the circumstances.
 The Young Mother by Charles West Cope, 1845.
(Image via Valerie McGlinchey CC BY 2.0)

Baby’s First Months

Babies were generally viewed as clean slates or empty vessels, their little infant
hearts ready to “receive impressions” from the moment of their birth. As such, it was
critical that they not experience the evils of the world, lest those evils have a lasting
negative effect. In the 1831 Mother’s Book, author Lydia Child explains:
“It is important that children, even when babes, should never be spectators of anger, or any
real passion. They come to us from heaven, with their little souls full of innocence and
peace; and, as far as possible, a mother’s influence should not interfere with the influence of
angels.”

For the mother, this meant that she must “govern her own feelings” and make sure
that, when dealing with her infant, her “heart and conscience” remained pure. As
Child states:

“…what does the innocent being before you know of care and trouble? And why should you
distract his pure nature by the evils you have received from a vexatious world? It does you
no good, and it injures him.”

If at all possible, Child advises that the new mother should “take the entire care of her own
child.” Though servants might be called to assist her or to watch the infant while she is
resting, the new baby should “as much as possible, feel its mother’s guardianship.” Child
recommends:
http://northandsouth.annagibson.com/?page_id=30