The personal essay assignment is a writing assignment for students to produce a piece

of work that shows who they are why that matters. It is very beneficial for colleges and
trade schools since they can see more than a students grades and get a better idea of
how the student is on the inside.

A year ago I learned a valuable lesson. I was at the pinnacle of my running career when
it hit me. Each race I ran one spot from running varsity. It had been my dream to be onf
the varsity team since I was fourteen. As a sophomore I finished each race seconds
from varsity. When the end of the season came and I hadn't reached my goal I was
disappointed but ready to improve.

The next year Coach Rushforth pushed the team a lot harder. For me, every workout
was a competition. I ran hard to stay with the fastest kids and secure my position.
Throughout the summer I consistently finished fourth which guaranteed me a varsity
spot. Workouts became extreme. I frequently forfeited activities and time to devote
myself to running. My grades dipped in school because I woke up early to attend
morning practices.

I still remember the feeling of my first race of the season. It was fantastic to run with the
best runners and push myself to run faster but I did feel a little sad that I wouldn’t run
with my friends. The nervousness I felt at the start line and the pressure from my coach
also made the races less fun. Then one day on a run something happened.I was
suddenly unable to breathe. Only a few weeks later I felt a similar sensation and went
into anaphylactic shock. I was forced to give up running for some time and never
returned to the point where I once was. In the end however, I learned that the things
that we think matter don't always matter. I realized that I could be happy with where I
was. I live by this principle today and it helps me almost every day to look for the
positive side instead.

Word count: 304

Revision Process:

The hardest choices I made during the revision process were whether or not to delete
sentences/phrases such as “​It had been my dream to be a member of the varsity team
since I was fourteen” or “ I was at the beginning of my junior year and the pinnacle of
my running career when it hit me.” I really liked a lot of the sentences that I ended up
getting rid of, but I knew that they weren’t crucial to the essay. I chose to get rid of many
of the small details, examples, restatements, and other unnecessary pieces. I decided
that it was most important to keep the parts that were required to make the story
readable and the parts that let it all make sense. What worries me most about my cuts
is that I’ve cut too much detail and that the story won’t be as good without a few of the
pieces that would otherwise add some good spice to it. On the other hand, this version
is stronger than my original in the sense that it gets the point out quicker and clearer. It
doesn’t waste any time giving backstory or details and gives you the bare minimum
required to understand what I am trying to say in my essay.