Memorandum

To: Professor Maierhofer

From: Eric Mulligan
Date: 1-27-2019
Subject: Prior Writing Analysis

This memo contains information you requested about the readability of my prior writing. The
following sections include my evaluation of a past essay on the history of the clarinet.
Specifically, they analyze how well this writing example demonstrates conciseness, precision,
and directness, and if it contains any kind of noticeable error.

Being Concise
Being concise means using only the words necessary to meet your audience’s needs and satisfy
your purpose for writing.

Redundant Words
My writing sample contains several examples of redundant words or phrases. One such
example is as follows:

 Although some aspects of the reasoning behind the clarinet’s journey to maturity
are easily understandable, the “why” and “how” of its development still hold
much mysterious potential for research, because the motivation behind the
process is not so easy to infer.

The underlined segment could be removed entirely, as the “although” statement at the
sentence’s beginning already implies that not all aspects of the clarinet’s development are
easily understood.

Dead/Wordy Phrases
In the essay I analyzed, I was unable to detect any phrases that were unnecessary or
easily condensed into a single word.

Unnecessary Modifiers
I discovered I frequently use needless additional modifiers in my writing. For example, I
employed unnecessary words like “much” and “very” throughout the essay, as is shown
below.
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 The lineage of many instruments is simple to trace, as their current iterations

show very little change from their original designs.

I could eliminate the word “very” and make the sentence shorter while not robbing it of
any impact or clarity.

Being Precise
In technical writing, to be precise is to be exact and accurate while considering your audience. In
the case of my clarinet essay, my audience was a university professor with a doctoral degree in
Music History.

Technical Terminology
Upon analyzing my writing sample, I found that I used appropriate technical terminology
throughout. Due to my intended audience’s high level of technical expertise in the field
of music, I needed to be specific, and my writing conveyed the details of the subject
effectively.

 Like Denner’s chalumeaux, the first clarinet had only two keys, but unlike the
chalumeau, it boasted the potential for a much wider, three-octave range of notes
if the player employed overblowing techniques to alter the clarinet’s pitch.

In the above sentence, the underlined words and phrases contain specific musical
terminology that, while accurate, would not have been advisable to use in a piece of
writing with a less-knowledgeable audience. However, since my professor possessed a
high level of technical expertise, it was necessary for me to use such specific language.

Consistent Use of Terms

My prior writing was also strong in the area of consistent term use. An example of this
consistency follows:

 The chalumeau was initially only played in the fundamental register, the range of
notes that were produced exclusively by covering the different holes on the
instrument. In contrast, the clarinet’s early work was confined to the upper
register, whose notes were made by overblowing while fingering in the
fundamental register…German composer Johann Mattheson referred to the sound
of chalumeaux as a “howling symphony”, and much was made of the trumpetlike
stridency of the clarinet’s upper register. What presumably set the clarinet apart
from the chalumeau was this upper register, as it could play in the fundamental as
well.

The passage above is careful to make the distinction between the terms “clarinet” and
“chalumeau” (a forbear of the clarinet, with the plural form being chalumeaux). By using
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consistent terminology throughout my essay to refer to the two instruments, which are
similar in form and function, I minimized audience confusion.

Level of Specifics and Detail

Considering the purpose of the essay I analyzed, which was to demonstrate my
knowledge of the clarinet’s history to my professor, I used an appropriate amount of
specificity and detail.

 It was Denner’s son, Jakob, and his contemporaries who helped establish the
clarinet as a separate entity from the chalumeau. Innovations like a wider bore, a
flared bell, and the signature bulge below the mouthpiece that would come to be
known as the clarinet’s barrel were all debuted in the years following the elder
Denner’s death in 1707.
The underlined portions of the above passage could have easily been omitted, resulting in
a sentence like “The clarinet’s separate identity from the chalumeau was established in
the years after Denner’s death”. However, the underlined information added detail and I
believed it would serve my purpose by indicating my knowledge of the topic and
increasing the audience’s understanding.

Being Direct
Being direct in writing means being straightforward and getting to the point.

Active Verbs
I was pleased to discover that my writing was strong in this area. While I found a number
of passive verbs in the essay – an example is the word “show” in the sentence I quoted
under the ‘Unnecessary Modifiers’ heading on page 1 – they were greatly outnumbered
by more varied, work-suggesting verbs.

 My instrument of choice, the clarinet, boasts a much less obvious origin story, as
it developed from an instrument less complicated than a modern-day recorder into
a multi-keyed entity that is now an integral component of most concert bands and
symphonies and a respectable solo instrument as well.

The underlined verbs in the sentence above suggest action, and my essay was filled with
sentences that featured similar word choice. Admittedly, some of the active verbs I used,
including those in the quote above, might border on the Dr. Frankenstein effect discussed
in slidedoc 2. This is a tendency I will need to monitor in future writing.
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Active Voice
I noticed a fair amount of passive voice in my prior writing, and while much of it was
used appropriately, it was not always the best rhetorical choice for the given sentence, as
is demonstrated below.

 From the Middle Ages into the 1600s, single-reed instruments like the clarinet’s
forbears were exclusively played by casual musicians of the peasant class…

I could easily modify the excerpt so the subject is performing the action: “From the
Middle Ages into the 1600s, only casual musicians of the peasant class played single-reed
instruments like the clarinet’s forbears”. This would be the better rhetorical choice, as it
would eliminate the potentially confusing preposition “by” and facilitate a better flow
into the rest of the sentence.
Topic Position
I discovered that my writing was strong in the area of clear topic sentences. One of many
examples is as follows:

 Regardless of the young clarinet’s numerous design flaws, it gradually grew in

popularity, spreading from Germany to parts of Italy, France and the London area.

The paragraph, as might be expected from the topic sentence, goes on to describe early
clarinet performances in some of the locations mentioned in the topic paragraph.

Stress Position
While most of my sentences had the appropriate information in the stress position, I did
notice several examples of preposition strings, which were mentioned in the slidedoc.

 This will fill a sizeable gap in my knowledge of the instrument, and will help give
me a better understanding of musical trends in history through the lens of the
clarinet’s numerous changes.

Although there are many prepositions in the above sentence, I am not quite sure how I
would go about modifying the sentence to eliminate them. Perhaps a better strategy
would be to monitor my future writing to prevent sentences like this from being
composed.

Noticeable Error
In my analysis of prior writing, I found very few errors that workplace readers would be likely to
notice. The one mistake that I did uncover was doubtlessly the result of either a typo or an
incomplete review of the essay on my part.
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Incorrect Verb Tense

I hardly ever confuse verb tenses, but in this sentence I used the present tense when the
past tense was needed.

 …clarinet players were put off by having to go from a fully warmed-up

instrument to one that is cold and differently sized just to play in another tonal
range.
I would correct this error by changing the underlined “is” to “was”.

Conclusion
After reviewing my prior writing, I discovered that my most deficient area was conciseness,
specifically with regards to redundant words and unnecessary modifiers. However, now that I
have identified this shortcoming, it will be easier for me to watch for it as I write. All in all, the
analysis gave me a good idea of the expectations for technical writing, which will be valuable
when completing future assignments.