Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of

his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and
says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor , get outta here." The astonished Chinese man
replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese". "Chinese,
Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a
slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It
was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're
all the same."

LOVE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they
don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking
past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to
the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She
swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware
of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as
she now considered her mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
"Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged;
since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of
another that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung
himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry,
but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?"
Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!"

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife

and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Population policies of countries:

China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space

USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA : you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?

American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!