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Sneha Ameya

Professor Aleashia Walton

Honors English 2089

1 July, 2018

Columnist Conventions

Columnist Writing in the traditional sense is a heavily opinionated article where the

Author is free to voice whatever they want about what feels important to them. As with most

types of writing, however, there are some common conventions and expectations that exist

within the columnist writing genre that columnists tend to follow with an unconscious mindset.

Some of these conventions include the incorporation of humor, frequent line breaks, and shorter

paragraphs in the beginning and longer paragraphs as the reader gets through the article.

Humor was first incorporated into columnist writing as purely a tool that columnists

could use to diffuse the tension of heftier topics and beliefs that would likely cause dispute

among their readers. But as more and more columnists incorporated this dry, sarcastic humor

into their writing, the convention that all columnist writing should be humorous began to arise.

How this humor is achieved, however, is dependent on the writer.

For example, Dave Barry uses sarcasm, hyperbole, and allusions to other current event

topics of the time to create his humor. In his article called Classic 98’: Pssst! Great Investment

Advice, Barry writes, “Why do I say this? Because I'm going to pour this hot McDonald's coffee

on my thighs” (Barry). The main topic of the article might be the crazy Beanie Boos Fad in 1998

but Barry chooses to end his article referencing the infamous product liability lawsuit that

McDonald’s had lost in 1994. This not only allows him to become more relatable to the audience

but also strengthens his own credibility as a knowledgeable and aware writer. Maureen Dowd of
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The New York Times, on the other hand, prefers to use biting word choice to incorporate that

same dry humor into her writing. She uses phrases like “ugly bargain” and “cascading scandals”

to highlight her political viewpoints on specific current events (Dowd). The exaggeration of her

incredulity of a topic helps her to diffuse some of the conflict that may arise with sharing her

powerful opinions. Both columnists, although talking about very different topics, help create this

convention that humor is a necessary factor in columnist writing.

The high frequency in line break is also a convention among most columnist writing. For

example, in his short, 1000-word article called Classic 98’: Soccer Sofa Dave Barry incorporates

a total of seventeen-line breaks. His choices for where those line breaks are placed are generally

driven by where he transitions from his belief to an explanation of that belief. If he commands

the reader to “Get back on the sofa” in the last sentence of the first paragraph, the first sentence

of the second paragraph would say something like “I say this because…” (Barry). Because

columnist writing is solely based on the author’s viewpoints and stances, in order for them to

become more believable to their audience they must provide adequate and meaningful

explanations for their beliefs. The high frequency of line breaks – in Dave Barry’s Articles

specifically – simply help the reader to easily organize and separate the author’s beliefs from

their explanations.

Other columnists use line breaks for different reasons. Nicholas Kristoff uses line breaks

to exaggerate the ridiculousness of Trump’s harsh border patrol policies in his article called

Trump Wasn’t First to Separate Families, but Policy Was Still Evil. He lists many quotes from

various other articles about the same topic, each quote having its own line break and each quote

coming closer and closer to the current date. Then at the very end, with one final dramatic

flourish, Kristoff lists the last quote from “A Border Patrol agent joking last week” who had said,
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when talking about the children stuck at the border, “’We have an orchestra here’”(Kristoff).

Here, the author uses the many line breaks to increase the pace of his article. The pace finally

screeches to a halt with that last line break as the reader finally arrives at the main idea the author

is trying to convey to them: that immigration policies have always torn families apart and

something must be done to stop the continuing problem.

Along with line breaks comes paragraph length. Most columnist writers today are

painfully aware that their readers are most likely skimming through their articles in between

other tasks in their busy lives. For this reason, many columnist writers will unconsciously make

their first couple of paragraphs no more than one or two sentences to grab their audience’s

attention. Then slowly, as the reader gets pulled into the topic more and more, they’ll increase

the size of the paragraphs until they have the reader’s complete attention. Only when this

happens do they drop their longest paragraph, where they’ll thoroughly list out their beliefs and

why it’s important that the readers understand them.

This pattern can be seen in many columnist writers today, especially when comparing the

first and the last paragraphs of their writing. For example, Kathleen Parker, political columnist

for the Washington Post, writes as her first paragraph in her article about today’s border patrol

crisis, “Is there a Psychiatrist in the house?” (Parker). Seven words, one sentence: a question. A

question meant to grab the audience’s attention before they lose interest. The last paragraph on

the other hand is the exact opposite. Once the reader is done skimming through the middle

sections of the article, Parker drops a long, involved sentence at the end that ties up the entire

piece and concludes that “…theirs is a sin born mostly of desperation; ours is a sin of volition…”

(Parker). The last paragraph, although long, quickly summarizes the columnist’s point of view

and leaves a lasting impact on the readers. If the last paragraph had been shorter, it would be
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more likely that the reader would’ve skipped it and missed the main idea the columnist is trying

to convey. At the same time, if the first paragraph had been longer, the readers would’ve avoided

the article entirely. Through her columnist writing, Kathleen Parker has helped define this

pattern of starting with shorter paragraphs and ending with longer paragraphs for the genre.

In conclusion, the columnist writing genre contains many conventions and expectations

that the readers expect to see within columnist writing. Some of these conventions include the

incorporation of humor, near-excessive amount of line breaks, and a gradual increase in

paragraph length. These conventions have been brought about through the repeated use of these

elements within columnist writing by various columnists, such as, Dave Barry, Maureen Dowd,

Kathleen Parker, and Nicholas Kristoff. Understanding the commonalities between these various

columnists and their writing style can help us, as writers, understand how the structure of a

specific genre can be defined over time.

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Work Cited

Barry, Dave. “Classic '98: A Big Waste.” Miamiherald, Miami Herald, 28 May 2018,

www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article212021329.html.

Barry, Dave. “Classic '98: PSSST! Great Investment Advice!” Miamiherald, Miami Herald, 7

May 2018, www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-

barry/article210157539.html.

Barry, Dave. “Classic '98: Sofa Soccer.” Miamiherald, Miami Herald, 14 May 2018,

www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article210504829.html.

Dowd, Maureen. “Bill's Belated #MeToo Moment.” The New York Times, The New York Times,

9 June 2018, www.nytimes.com/2018/06/09/opinion/sunday/bills-belated-metoo-

moment.html.

Kristof, Nicholas. “Trump Wasn't First to Separate Families, but Policy Was Still Evil.” The New

York Times, The New York Times, 20 June 2018,

www.nytimes.com/2018/06/20/opinion/trump-family-separation-executive-

order.html?rref=collection%2Fcolumn%2Fnicholas-kristof.

Parker, Kathleen. “Opinion | The Crying Child Is a Rorschach Test.” The Washington Post, WP

Company, 22 June 2018, www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-crying-child-is-a-

rorschach-test/2018/06/22/f8926e2a-7653-11e8-b4b7-

308400242c2e_story.html?utm_term=.7d65021ceedd.
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