JOHN, SEAN and SIMON enter together, looking very serious and determined. They walk to the table.

Sean is carrying a bunch of business files.

JOHN: Have you had an accident?

SEAN: At work or at home?

SIMON: In your car or on the road?

JOHN: If you have…

SEAN: We can help

SIMON: We are, “Accident Liars For You!”

JOHN: We can help by walking in a very determined way.

SIMON: We can help by staring intently at the camera.

SEAN: We can help by carrying a load of files.

JOHN: It’s as if the laptop’s not even invented!

SEAN slams the files he’s carrying, onto the table

SIMON: We are professionals

JOHN: We are serious professionals

SEAN: We are serious professional actors

JOHN: Actors providing a crucial service.

SIMON: A service like not lauging at your stupid accident in the first place. I can walk past a
man in speedo and snorkel attempting to weld the end of a bus…

JOHN: (cutting in) While its still running!

SIMON: Without even a grin…

SEAN: (Pointing to Simon’s unsmiling face) Just like Mr Spock

JOHN: A man tiptoeing on top of a pair of stepladders, next to a swimming pool, using a
chainsaw with the power cable wrapped around his neck… my face, completely
smirk free.

JOHN uses his index fingers on both hands to point to his own very serious face

SIMON: All seriously idiotic accidents

SEAN: That you were just too stupid to avoid

JOHN: It’s like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy

SEAN: When a blind electrician accidently fries his hostile step daughter face

SIMON: And he was only trying to change a light bulb

JOHN: From us, not even a smile…

SIMON: Because we can act

JOHN: Post-traumatic stress after an accident with a vacuum?

SEAN: Speech loss after licking a stamp?

SIMON: We’ll put your sincere case honestly, with method acting. And if we stay on the run

JOHN: It’s harder to strap a lie-detector on us.

SIMON: I’m a hit with the ladies

JOHN: I don’t eat junk food(

SEAN: I didn’t get this job because of my looks.

JOHN: See, they can’t catch us

SIMON: the government has been chasing us for years!

SEAN: if we keep wearing these tin hats……

JOHN: they won’t be able to track us down

JOHN: So, remember, if you’re really stupid

SIMON: If you just want to bleed someone dry

SEAN: Contact us, “ACCIDENT LIARS FOR YOU”

John starts rubbing his knee.

JOHN: (talking to Simon and Sean) All this running from the government has damaged my
knee!

SIMON: My voice is starting to go (voice sounds croaky)

SEAN begins rubbing his arm

SEAN: Those files were really heavy!

JOHN: I’m going to put a claim in

SEAN: I’ll be your witness!

SIMON begins pointing to his throat

ALL: stop, hammer time!

All FREEZE.