CHOOSING INTERESTING DETAILS WE will be able to SELECT and sequence interesting Name

Class
:
:
details for 1-2 paragraphs in our own writing. Date :

WHAT TO SHOW? Good authors select the best details to include in their writing. Notice how Adeline Yen Mah
uses only a few but well selected details to show her regret for not saying goodbye.

I knew the Schillings were leaving Hong Kong for “hovered around
Geneva on Thursday morning, so I got up early and “got up early” the front door”
(to show eagerness) (to emphasize the
hovered around the front door, hoping Father would eagerness)

take me along when he left to drive them to the pier.

But he was in a rush, and I was too shy to say anything.
The result was that I never got to say goodbye. “he was in a rush”
(short clause to show
quickness of movement)
(Chinese Cinderella, chapter 17, first paragraph)

REWRITE How would you change the second paragraph of chapter 17? Continue the following sentence with
your own ideas. Use not more than 3 details.

Choose one of the following effects or

think of another one of your own :
Two days later, an hour after lunch on Saturday afternoon, the
❏ To show Ah Gum's reluctance to
maid Ah Gum knocked on our door. ______________________ break the news (of Adeline being
taken away)
________________________________________________ ❏ To show Adeline's unreadiness to
receive the news (e.g. she just woke
________________________________________________ up)
❏ To show that Adeline somehow
________________________________________________ knew that Ah Gum will deliver an
unpleasant news
________________________________________________ ❏ My own effect : To show _______
___________________________
dashed / choke back the tears / a churning
To my bitter disappointment, … / have my hopes

GIVE IT A SHOT In 100 words, write about a time when someone delivered an unpleasant news to you. Before
you write, brainstorm a list of possible details. Then, choose 2-3 of the most interesting ones and sequence them.
stomach / I can feel my insides quivering /

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Brainstorming
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Useful phrases for

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your own writing

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