Communication Journals

Writing Exercise 1
Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date January 17th, 2018 Thursday
PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

Instructions: Respond to the following question(s)/prompt(s). An average entry will merely
answer the questions(s)/prompt(s) and will receive average credit. To receive majority or all
points, you should answer all question(s)/prompt(s), provide specific examples from your
life/relationships, and incorporate any pertinent terminology from the textbook reading or
class lecture. Minimal answers/effort will receive minimal credit.
Overall, would you say you are highly satisfied, moderately satisfied, or dissatisfied with
your communication in interpersonal situations? Explain your answer by describing your
communicative behavior in a recent interpersonal situation.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying your satisfaction level; up to 10

points for providing a specific and relevant example.
I would say I am moderately satisfied with my ability to communicate in interpersonal settings. I think
I’m a bit better being the receiver of the message than being the one sending the message to someone else.
It’s certainly easier, that’s for sure. Growing up writing has made me almost hyperaware of body language
because I love studying people and behaviors by watching them in real life and observing spoken and
unspoken interactions with each other. I also pay close attention to people’s speaking habits and personal
habits so it’s easy for me to understand what people are saying on both dimensions.
On the other hand, what can be difficult for me is expressing myself. It’s not that I struggle talking to
people: on the contrary, I love talking to and meeting anyone I can. I enjoy listening to people tell me
about their struggles an d then do my best to give them advice or just give an opinion if that’s what they
ask of me. I’m pretty solid when it comes to helping my friends, family, and even strangers if that’s what
the situation calls for. That kind of intimate one-on-one setting is one of the things I enjoy most. However,
what I have trouble with doing is getting other people to understand my message when I communicate,
especially if I’m trying to tell other people how I feel. Even if it makes perfect sense in my head, I’ve
been told that some of my descriptions make little to no sense and end up being pretty round-a-bout.
Giving advice is pretty different to giving people instructions or personal views, especially since everyone
views their world differently. I also have a habit of drifting off on tangents and then suddenly sending the
conversation back towards the original topic with no warning.
One of my good friends is a STEM-oriented Maui High student; I’ll refer to her as K in the story to keep
her privacy. I’ve known her since I was five years old and we’ve been friends for about 12 years now.
We’ve spoken probably thousands, millions of times. And I still manage to throw her off and stump her
every once in a while. She asked me how my day was going, and I just responded by saying my day was
like if blue was a color. She’s used to me relating emotions, music, and various sounds to color so while
she had that relational understanding, she immediately thought blue meant sad, since blue is typically a
sad color. What I didn’t communicate her is that blue isn’t a sad color to me. In fact, I find it to be fairly
mellow and somehow textured like cotton. All I really told her was “it’s been a pretty blue day.” So it took
ten minutes of me reassuring her I was not having a bad day and rather that it was a fairly nice one.
The other kind of problem I have communicating is putting my thoughts into anything coherent if asked
on the spot without given any time beforehand to organize my thoughts. Explaining things to my mom
can be an arduous trial, whose first language is Japanese and is partially deaf. My assessments of… well,
anything, can be hard to explain. I got sucked into a long discussion with her when I made the mistake of
making an obscure metaphor within her earshot.
Perhaps two weeks ago, I was talking to my dad about how credit cards work. After graduation, a few
friends and I plan on going to Japan, and I was asking my dad about different ways of buying plane
tickets. So I was wondering if the other trip members could pay the airplane fare to one person and having
that person buy all six tickets. But I did not explain it nearly as simply. I had apparently asked if “multiple
people could pay someone to buy the tickets and pay them before the grace period ends.” To me, that
explanation made complete sense. However, my dad had thought I meant they pay the ticket buyer after
the tickets are bought. We argued for half an hour where I was telling my dad I was saying the same thing
he was, and he thought I meant paying after the tickets were bought. Right when it started getting heated,
I took a moment reorganize my words, and we both understood each other after I put paying
chronologically first in the sentence rather than putting it on the end. Talking about the grace period
apparently threw him off too.
Even typing down an explanation for how I feel or think can be rather difficult: it’s much easier to use
comparisons and metaphors to explain how I feel. If it's me relaying external information, like rules,
directions, facts, or even memories, it’s easy for me to express. It’s the personal and emotional aspects of
communications I would like to learn how to express clearer, because my rather weird thought process
makes it a little difficult to give a concrete answer. Or maybe I just need help learning how to properly
word things and be coherent for just long enough to talk to people.
PART II: CONTENT & APPLICATION (20 points)
Instructions: For each section, read the purpose statement and/or directions, and then respond to
the questions and/or prompts. Again, an average response will merely answer the questions and/or
prompts and will receive average credit. To receive majority or all points, you should answer all
questions and/or prompts, provide specific examples from your life/relationships, and incorporate
any pertinent terminology from the textbook reading or class lecture. Minimal answers/effort will
receive minimal credit.
SECTION 1: ANALYZING AN INTERPERSONAL SITUATION

Directions: use the situation below and the questions that follow to discuss the variety of issues
involved in effective transactional communication.
SITUATION: Chelsea and Tori, both in their early 20s, have been friends since preschool, but recently
their relationship has become strained. Chelsea has been attending a local community college part
time, while she continues to work at a job she’s had for almost 10 years. Tori left home to go to a
university in another state, where she’s been having a lot of fun but has been struggling financially.
Chelsea has been romantically involved with the same person for over five years, while Tori has not
dated since she left for college. When Tori comes home for winter break, she suggests they meet for
dinner and drinks at a busy restaurant. Chelsea gets backed up at work and arrives almost an hour
late. Tori has already finished her first drink when Chelsea arrives, and Chelsea notices Tori looks
angry.
According to the transactional model of communication, environments are not just the physical
places we occupy. What environmental differences do you think will impact Chelsea and Tori’s
communication?
Chelsea and Tori have a large range of factors that can impact their communication. They have formed a
close relation to each other after being long time friends and understand the way the other person
communicates, or at least, had communicated before. They are also both female and in their early 20s
which might place them in a similar maturity bracket with similar experiences regarding social culture.
On the other hand, they also have plenty of differences. Chelsea has been working and attending school
part time. Local community college could affect her view on the world by not getting too much worldly
perspective by staying in the same place for years. Tori, going to university elsewhere, might have a
greater worldview by giving her more opportunities to obtain different experiences and learn about more
people and different perspectives. Chelsea also works while Tori seems to focus on her schooling, and
could make Tori less understanding of Chelsea after she arrives late from work. Chelsea and Tori also
have different relationship statuses: Chelsea has been with someone for more than five years and Tori
hasn’t dated since before she started college. Finally, Chelsea is more financially stable than Tori is. They
have very different environments at the moment, which may account for some of the class.
The transactional model of communication also specifies three distinct types of noise: external,
physiological, and psychological. Give a specific example of each of the three types of noise that you
think will affect Chelsea and Tori’s communication.
An example of external noise affecting their communication is the setting: they are at a busy restaurant.
The noise level will most likely be loud, and can therefore lead to a number of things: mishearing each
other, raising voices to talk to each other, and getting distracted by other people are just a handful of
distractions regarding external noise. Physiologically, Tori already has a head start on the drinks and that
might not help her judgement calls. Also, Chelsea is most likely exhausted from work, and both might be
hungry. Psychologically, Tori’s frustrated with Chelsea being an hour late, and Chelsea is tired from work
and probably frazzled from being held up about work. They both most likely have stress: Tori from
waiting and wondering when Chelsea will show up and Chelsea from having a busy day.
What advice would you give to Chelsea and Tori to improve this situation and their overall
relationship?
The first piece of advice I would give is that if they’re going to talk about anything, talk about it sober,
because alcohol can cause psychological and physiological noise. Second, Chelsea apologize to Tori right
away and explain the situation and promise to tell Tori if she ever got held up like that again ahead of
time. Third, be patient with the other person as they explain or apologize. Extend them the same courtesy
the way you would want to be given. Be honest with the other person and listen to them. And before you
treat them how you used to, test waters because your relationship might have changed during the time
apart. Finally, just communicate life events that are happening and catch up with each other.
SECTION 2: COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVENESS

Purpose: to identify your understanding of and skill at effective communicative behaviors; to
identify important communication behaviors in situations relevant to your life.
Describe an interpersonal area in which you would like to communicate more effectively
(e.g., maintaining a conversation with someone I don’t know very well).
I want to be a better communicator with shy people. I tend to be pretty outgoing and I’m comfortable in
most social situations. But I’ve been told that I can be almost a little overwhelming when people meet me
for the first time because I have so much energy. I love befriending new people, so I would love to be
more sensitive to shyer people. I want to make a comfortable environment for them to express themselves
to me.
Describe a person you know who communicates effectively in this area (e.g., my brother
Tyson) and his/her behavior (e.g., he asks genuine questions to get to know the other person
better, compliments him/her, and continuously smiles at him/her).
A good friend of mine (I’ll call her Kay for this assignment) is amazing at making a shy mutual friend of
ours talk or join in conversations. She can get anyone to talk, whether interpersonal or even in bigger
groups. She’s always extremely relaxed and always smiles when she talks to anyone and always tries to
make the other person laugh. Kay also never asks a close ended question, which gives room for the person
talk about themselves without giving them the option of just a “yes” or “no”. She also has this strange and
interesting ability to out-silence whatever shy person she’s talking to, and be so quiet that it actually
prompts the person to speak. It’s fascinating to watch. She also has a wide variety of interests and can
draw people out by interesting them with something familiar to them.
Describe how you could apply these behaviors (e.g., I can stop thinking about how nervous
I am and focus on what the other person is saying so that I can note our common interests).
Unfortunately, I don’t think I can do much about my energy: I’ve always been that way and it’s not
something I can make go away. However, silence always makes me feel anxious no matter what situation
I’m in so I tend to fill it in with anecdotes or questions whenever the silence persists for what I feel is too
long, but I could try letting the silence carry on until either the shy person prompts the breaking of it or
we decide to end the conversation there. I could probably work on my tendency to ramble as well, I don’t
think that helps very much to get someone to open up to you. I have gotten people to respond or pick out
conversation topics from them so maybe just control them more. And even if I don’t have much
background knowledge in a topic of their interest, ask about it and get them in their comfort zone like Kay
does.
Writing Exercise 2
Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date January 24th, 2018 Thursday

Overall, would you say your experiences with mediated communication have been more
positive, more negative, or somewhere in between? Explain your answer by describing the
specific benefits and/or drawbacks that you have encountered with mediated
communication channels.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying the overall nature of your
experiences; up to 10 points for providing specific and relevant benefits and/or drawbacks.
My experiences have, for the most part, been positive. I mostly only use mediated communication to talk
to my friends and family, and I love talking to people. I don’t use dating websites and I set all my social
media to private, so I never experience harassment from strangers, and I can block people I know if I have
a sour experience with them. I can actively regulate who I communicate with so I rarely have times where
I feel uncomfortable or upset using mediated communication. The only issue that I face with it is the fact
that I usually get more anxious using lean channels to talk to people because I can’t judge nonverbal
behaviors and express intentions using my tone of voice or facial expressions. Being an only child has
also made me almost crave social interaction after spending so much time by myself. Otherwise, there are
plenty of benefits I experience: far more than the drawbacks.
The most important part of mediated communication to me is the fact I can talk to anyone I want to in the
world— most of the time in real time. Due to family circumstances, I spend a good chunk of my life
traveling: whether its for vacation or visiting my family around the world, I’m not always at home where
I can see my friends and family every day. Whether I’m in my home or a hotel room across the room, I
can talk to anyone I want and stay connected. One of my best friends went to the same middle school as
me, but due to the lack of proper care and attention her brothers could receive in Maui, she had to move to
the mainland in 7th grade. She’s a shy and awkward girl because she lived a fairly socially isolated life
before middle school and never quite figured out how to approach new people. I promised her I would
talk to her every single day: we had text message, phone calls, Skype, Discord, and even email and letters.
There was no reason I couldn’t talk to her, so I kept my promise. She moved in August of 2014, and
we’ve still kept contact 1,630 days later. She’s even visiting me right now!
Another case that makes me thankful for letters and phone calls is my grandmother. My maternal
grandmother lives in the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan, and hasn’t renewed her passport since 2002. It’s the
push of a few buttons away to connect us by phone and give her our company for a while, even if she
can’t see us. She also loves sending letters to people and frequently penpals my paternal grandmother
here in Maui to keep in contact with her. These two forms of mediated communications are the only forms
she likes to use, or tolerates, really, so I’m thankful that if she ever needs someone, we’re just a couple of
rings away.
It’s also extremely convenient for finding people I’m not in active communication with. I can check in on
friends and family without having to interrupt them or bother them: I can just pop in and check their
social media to see how they’re doing. If I’m ever curious about old classmates, familiar names, or even
people I’ve never met, I can just search them up on social media or even Google just to see who they are
and check them out before I can decide whether or not I want to approach them further or not. I was
wondering how an old 5th grade classmate was doing after she came up in a conversation with my
parents. One quick instagram search told me she was pregnant and happily dating a boy she had been with
for a few years. I didn’t even need to physically find her to see how her life’s been up until recently.
Speaking of convenience, using any mediated channel I can talk to anyone whenever I want: if I need my
parent’s permission for something, I can text them for a response. If I forget a detail about a story a friend
told me earlier that day, I can ask them about it without having to physically go find them to find out what
exactly it was that I missed. I can schedule meetings with people I’ve never met, or reschedule a plan I
may have made in person earlier that day. There’s so much convenience in not having to wait to ask or
answer someone.
Your outlook on the benefits versus the drawbacks of mediated communication heavily depends on intent
and how you like to communicate to others. There’s no clear black and white answer to speak for
everyone, but personally, I find a lot more benefits in mediated communications because I don’t have
many experiences talking to people that I didn’t really want to talk to. I recognize that drawbacks
definitely exist, but I haven’t had one color my outlook on interactions via mediated channels. As of this
moment, I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Instructions: For each section, read the purpose statement and/or directions, and then
respond to the questions and/or prompts. Again, an average response will merely answer
the questions and/or prompts and will receive average credit. To receive majority or all
points, you should answer all questions and/or prompts, provide specific examples from
your life/relationships, and incorporate any pertinent terminology from the textbook
reading or class lecture. Minimal answers/effort will receive minimal credit.
SECTION 1: MEDIATED COMMUNICATION CHANNELS

Purpose: to evaluate the mediated channels you use to communicate interpersonally.
What are the specific mediated channels you use in addition to face-to-face communication
to communicate interpersonally with other people?
I use text message, phone calls, voice mail, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube’s messenger, FaceTime,
Discord, email, and handwritten letters.
What are your reasons for using mediated communication channels? You should describe
both practical reasons (e.g., to communicate in a long-distance relationship) and strategic
reasons (e.g., to avoid nervous mannerisms) you use mediated channels.
A practical reason I use mediated communication is that I travel often for family purposes and I am often
away from Hawaii for decent periods of time. I can talk to teachers, friends, and family members through
these channels from long distances to socialize, turn in homework, and receive any important news I
might have missed. A strategic reason I use mediated communication is the wide variety of images,
videos, and even links I can use to enrich the conversation I’m having. It’s so easy to be expressive and
find the perfect picture to convey your mood without having to say a word.
Does your use of mediated vs. face-to-face communication depend on the age and gender of
the other person? Provide specific examples to support your answer.
I never thought about it until this assignment, but my use of mediated versus face-to-face communication
does depend on the age and gender of the other person.
I tend to communicate with similarly aged males mostly through messaging platforms or Discord calls
unless they’re close friends of mine. My close male friends I usually like to see face-to-face, usually in a
group. I usually talk to older males by phone call or email, and prefer to keep it that way unless its a
trusted adult (like a family member or family friend). I like to keep distance with strangers if we talk out
of a professional setting because I’m always so paranoid something is going to go wrong after hearing all
the horror stories about harassment from men you don’t know well. With females, I prefer face-to-face,
FaceTime, or text messaging, just because I feel much more comfortable with girls than I do boys. Most
of my friends are female as well, so that probably influences my choices quite a bit.
SECTION 2: RICHNESS AND LEANNESS
Purpose: to understand how message richness and leanness can affect interactions and
relationships.
Directions: read the situation below. In the spaces provided, fill in your likely verbal message
and nonverbal behavior (if applicable), as well as a possible response from the other person.
Then, answer the discussion questions that follow.
Example situation: You haven’t heard from a good friend in a couple of weeks, so you decide
to ask if anything is wrong.
Face-to-Face Channel (Richness) Mediated Channel (Leanness)
Using: Text Message
Your verbal message: “Is something wrong? I Your verbal message: “Is something wrong? I
haven’t heard from you lately.” haven’t heard from you lately.”
Your nonverbal behavior: Facial expression Your nonverbal behavior: None.
showing concern, direct eye contact, sincere tone
of voice.
Friend’s possible response: “Thanks for asking. Friend’s possible response: “I’ve been busy ok!
I’ve been really overwhelmed with school and I’m not mad at you or anything. I’ll get in touch
work lately! Sorry I haven’t been in touch.” when I can!” No nonverbal behavior.
Nonverbal behaviors include a smile and an
apologetic tone of voice.
Situation: Your neighbor’s new dog has been wandering into your yard and pooping in it. You
decide to let your neighbor know about this.
Face-to-Face Channel (Richness) Mediated Channel (Leanness)
Using: Text Message
Your verbal message: “Hi ____! I just wanted to Your verbal message: “Hey, _____! Sorry to
let you know that your dog has been pooping in my bother you, but I wanted to let you know that your
yard recently. If it isn’t any trouble to you, would new dog has been pooping in my yard recently. I
you mind if you could take care of it? I totally know it’s a really stressful adjustment period for
understand that everything’s crazy with the new both you and your dog, and I’m sorry if I’m
dog and trying to get him adjusted, I’ve been there adding to your stress. But if it isn’t any trouble,
with my dog too, so don’t worry about it. I would would you mind picking up what he left in the
really appreciate it though if you could keep him yard? I’m so sorry to bother you. I would really
from doing this more often.” appreciate it if you could keep him from doing this
more often though, but don’t worry if he does!
Hope you have a great day!”
Your nonverbal behavior: Relaxed body posture Your nonverbal behavior: None.
with a little bit of hand gesturing. Friendly and
warm smile and tone of voice. Direct eye contact.
Neighbor’s possible response: “Oh I’m so sorry, I Neighbor’s possible response: “Oh geez, sorry
didn’t even realize he’s been pooping in your yard. about that! I’ve been busy recently and I didn’t
I would hate that if it happened to me. Thank you notice him doing that. I’ll get it as soon as possible
for understanding: I’ll get it right now. Let me and try not to let it happen again. Sorry!”
know if he does it again!”
In this situation, do you think face-to-face or mediated communication would be more
effective? Why?
In this particular situation, I think talking face-to-face would be more effective because with matters like
this, where the neighbor is causing inconvenience to you, they might get defensive over their new dog.
Text message can come across passive-aggressive sometimes, or the tone of the message might be
misunderstood, and I want to avoid conflict as much as possible. At least with face-to-face
communication you can soften the blow with nonverbal behavior that indicate you don’t mean anything
angry, you’re just concerned about the situation. In my personal case, I get so nervous sending mediated
communication because I’m afraid of misunderstanding so I would much prefer bringing it up to them in
person if I run into them instead of letting them assume the tone of my message and taking it the wrong
way.
What changes could you make to improve your communication and the overall outcome in
this situation? Explain.
If you are as friendly as possible, I think that it would keep the tension down in either case, because you
don’t know what the neighbor’s life is like. To keep our relationship friendly with each other and
preventing escalation would physically and mentally benefit us both. Physically, to keep any physical
fighting from happening (you never know with some people), and mental, if this bothers them in the
future or stresses them out. Don’t be so friendly that they walk over you without fixing the issue, but
being respectful and being kind can’t cause harm in any situation. Try and empathize with the person as
much as you can to soften your interaction with understanding and patience: it might make them more
willing to cooperate if your neighbor is the more standoffish type.
Writing Exercise 3
Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date February 5th, 2019 Tuesday

Complete the “Who Am I?” worksheet. After determining 30 elements of your self-concept
and selecting your “Top 3,” take a close look at one of these three items. What factor(s)
(e.g., biology, reflected appraisal, social comparison, or something else) do you think have
contributed to this element of your perceived self? Explain.
Grading information: up to 5 points for completing the “Who Am I?” worksheet and clearly
identifying one self-concept element for focus; up to 10 points for clearly identifying and
explaining the factor(s) contributing to the development of that self-concept element.
Curiosity has been with me since birth, a driving force behind everything I do and all the
experiences I’ve had. It’s the voice in me that whispers questions I not just want, but need
answers to. What’s on the other side? Why does it do that? How far can I go with this? It
influences how I study and how I learn; if I don’t have the need to know, then I won’t be nearly
as motivated to do my assignments (I’ll finish them in fear of a dropping grade but I’ll drag it on
as long as I can.) I’m someone who needs to discover, happiest when learning, and personally, I
think you can learn a lot about a person if you listen to the kinds of questions they ask.
The curiousness in me is most definitely an inherited trait from my father. He’s told me plenty of
times throughout my life that it’s a “blessing and a curse, but perhaps more of the latter,” and that
I might spend my life chasing answers like he has. I wouldn’t even be surprised if that were the
case; when we travel together we never make an itinerary, because we both know that we’ll be
too busy exploring off the path to adhere to a schedule. We both have that same desire to just
walk one street further, read just one more page, ask one more question, to push and push and see
how far we can go. No matter how old I am or how foreign the place, he’ll always insist on just
seeing what’s around the corner. What’s in the shop? What is the old food cart by the corner
selling? Come on Gracie, just a little more. Mom tells me that whenever she would read books to
me as a child, I would refuse to fall asleep because I just had to know what happened on the next
page. I would ask what this word or that word meant, or why the villains just couldn’t be nice.
She always laughs when she tells me what a pain in the butt it was to stop to answer my
questions all the time, and tells me that I’m just like Dad in that regard.
I think my curiosity bleeds into the other two “Top 3” elements I chose for myself, as well,
which is why I chose this one to talk about.
As a writer and creator, I prefer to work with fantasy and realistic forms of magic.When I work
with something that has no real set laws in our world, it’s the perfect opportunity to explore what
I can do. That’s where my curiosity kicks in: I want to see how it would affect everyday life. It
makes me curious about physics and trying to solve unsolvable equations and scenarios. I’m
curious about how far I can push the plot without it dissolving to nonsense. I want to see how
much I can break a character to make them stronger. I wonder what other people think of my
work, and proceed to tell them all about my ideas and concepts because I need to know how
they’re received. I’m always wondering what I can learn about the science I’m using for my
ideas or how many can I combine before the details get lost. I never hold back when Googling
for answers about questions I have for my writing, and have the most bizarre and diverse set of
subjects in my search history. You could find anything from tiger sharks fighting in the womb to
how knife wounds bleed (for a combat scene, please don’t worry) to how fast does Neptune
rotate in a minute and how do cat tongues and dog tongues differ. My curiosity drives me to
create and see what can be done out of something unknown.
My head in the clouds and most scatterbrained attributes mostly come from me being curious
and following a rabbit hole of thought in my head. I start asking questions in my head, and I try
to answer them myself the best I can. This usually leads me to blanking out in the middle of
conversations, zoning out when I should be doing homework, or giving me a fierce desire to get
my phone out to look up the answer, no matter where I am. If I try to ignore the urge, I’ll actually
get unreasonably nervous and it almost physically hurts to not be able to find an answer right
away. In classes where I can’t use my phone, I’ll usually write a long list of questions to look up
after class ends so I don’t disrespect the teacher by using my phone or get in trouble for doing it.
And I consider this a big part of who I am because of how much I ask so often. Sometimes when
I’m wondering about something, I’ll be incapable of finishing a sentence or a train of thought
because I’d have already jumped to the next question. Now, my curiosity isn’t the entire reason
why my head is all over the place 24/7 and never calming down, but it certainly plays a big role.
Being curious can affect how I communicate in many different ways. Usually, it makes me want
to talk to anyone I can because I want to know about them, and about how others live their lives.
I try not to pry, but I enjoy being around people who find it easy to open up to others rather
easily, no matter how deep or shallow the content, because it sates my need to learn about other
people. I communicate through a lot of questions, some meaningful, some completely random,
many completely useless. I get curious about people’s opinions and what they think, or how
they’d react to this picture I have, or this text I’m about to send. This kind of communication
really lets me dabble in a broad range of topics in varyings depths. While shallow talk can be
entertaining sometimes, I really enjoy asking deep and introspective questions because I’ve
always felt a powerful need to know how other people tick. How they think, how they react, and
how they process the world around them. To analyze them until I have them figured out. The best
way to get to know someone is by asking questions, and over time, the questions get just a little
more person, just a little deeper, so I can understand and learn the person. Sometimes this
insatiable need to learn and to know can get me in trouble if I accidentally go too far, or get a
little too personal, or hit close to home. But as they say, curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction
brought it back.

SECTION 1: PERCEIVED SELF VS. PRESENTING SELF

Purpose: to identify similarities and differences between your private self and public self.
Directions: imagine that you were asked to create a “box” that represents who you are; the
inside of the box would represent your perceived self, while the outside of the box would
reflect your presenting self; answer the following questions.
What words or images would you place on the inside of your box?
I would definitely put the words sentimental and curious in big bold letters: I love and adore
almost all of my memories and the people (and animals) in them, and I think about them all of
the time. As for curiosity, it’s such a huge part of who I am that without hesitation, it’s the first
word I would use to describe myself. As contrasting as they are, I would put cautious and
adventurous in the box as well: my mother’s easily triggered paranoia and my father’s need to
explore and push a little further often clash in me, which tends to make my decision making all
over the place. Sometimes decisions follow the adventurousness I inherit from my dad, like when
I convince my friends to hike just a little further, there might be a great view! Other times, my
mom manifests herself in me when I decide to stand in the hot sun because I would rather get a
sunburn or heatstroke than constantly worry about a coconut falling out of the tree and killing me
at any given moment. I view myself as a writer and creator, always making a new world, a new
story, a new character, anything, as long as I can create. My head is almost always elsewhere,
designing, building, writing, whether I’m in class, at home, in the middle of a conversation. I’ve
been this way for as long as I can remember, probably from around the time I could talk I’ve
been making long, complex stories. I babble ideas to my friends in the car, just pause in the
middle of a conversation to blurt it out, or stop in the middle of talking to someone because I just
thought of something I don’t want to forget. Finally, I think of myself as thinking a little too
outside of the box when I don’t always need to be. Recently, I was playing a bomb defusing
video game with a group of friends, and we were on a keypad unlocking stage. One of the
instructions said “the numbers are in consecutive order” and by that point we knew one of the
numbers was 3 and the code ended with a 9. It said consecutive order, so I assumed part of the
code would be 3-6-9 because it technically was consecutive, just vertically. But it was looking
for 3-7-8-9 so we failed that stage and got set back 10 stages.
What words or images would you use to decorate the outside of your box?
I would have just a lot of odd details around the outside of my box. A cat lover with a great
affection for a single dog, because I talk about my cat and dog all the time. I always brag about
having the best companions in the whole world, because I do! I would also put friendly on the
outside, because I always make an effort to befriend people, or at least be nice to them. Whether
they’re peers I just met in class or people I’ve known for years, I want people to feel safe
approaching me. So I make an effort to come across as easygoing and friendly as I can so that
anyone would feel okay talking to me. I’ve made a number of friends in my JPNS 101/102 class
that way, both this and last semester. Open is something that I want to put on the outside as well,
because I don’t really hide much unless I’m trusted to hold a secret. Otherwise, I’ll answer just
about anything I get asked. If it gets too personal from someone I’m not as familiar with I would
really hesitate and probably not reply, but if I’ve known you for quite a while, I’ll answer
honestly. Of course everyone has their secrets and I’m not completely transparent, but its easy to
trust someone that is willing to open themselves up as much as you are. It’s a part of trying to
make it easier for people to approach me because I think people value honesty in a world where
people are mostly introverted and not very share-y. I think adventurous would fit on the outside
of my box, I want people to know that I’m always up for a (safe) adventure, no matter how big or
small. Curious would be plastered in big letters, because I warn people I’m a curious person just
so they know what they’re getting into if things get personal. I can’t tell if it worries people or
not and it makes me wonder if I could make that so obvious about myself. Finally, I try to
portray myself as someone well traveled and well educated so people will take what I’m saying
seriously and disregard me for my age or gender. I’ll answer questions if people ask about my
travels, or give advice if it applies to what they’re asking, but I want people to be aware that I
have the experience to back up my words. In the end, honestly, I think there would just be a lot
of overlap with my perceived self and presenting self.
Are there any characteristics you would like to change in either your perceived self or
presenting self? Explain.
Something I think I might want to change in my presenting self is my curiosity. I know I said it
would be in big letters, but that’s something that kind of worries me. I don’t want to scare people
away by thinking I’m gonna pry into their lives: I respect people’s privacy and I don’t want to
force anyone into sharing more than what they’re comfortable with. I might want to tone down
the intensity of how I present myself as a curious person so people can talk to me without
thinking I’m going to ask nonstop questions or analyze them like a book character. In my
perceived self, I want to improve my own self esteem about my looks. I don’t hate my body, but
I want to appreciate it more. It’s the only one I have and one of the greatest gifts my parents have
given me, and I want to give it the proper respect it deserves. The more you love yourself, the
happier your life will be.
What are the major similarities and differences in the inside and outside of your box? In
other words, compare and contrast your perceived/private self with your presenting/public
self. How do you feel about the similarities and/or differences?
I always try my best to keep my perceived self and presenting self similar, only exaggerating a
few traits here and there. While I think I have my differences, I personally feel like I lie to people
if there’s a big difference in my private and public self, because it feels like I’m putting on an act
when I tell people I’m an open person and then privately view myself as a private person. So I
try to view myself as realistically positive as I can so I can maintain that attitude on the outside
as well.
Overall, do you think it is better for our perceived selves to be similar to our presenting
selves, or do you think it is better for there to be differences between the two? Explain.
I think it might be better for our perceived selves to be similar to our presenting selves. In my
case, I make it a point in my presenting self to be open and honest with others, and if I’m not
willing to view myself as someone who is willing to comfortably share about myself. Also, most
of the positive traits I project for myself, I usually end up believing about myself, so the closer I
keep them together, the better things I can believe about myself instead of beating myself up all
the time about the things I don’t like about myself. Sure, I’ll still recognize those parts inside of
me, but if someone’s going to get to know me, I think they deserve to know the real me. With
other people, there might be a huge gap between their presenting and perceived selves. I
personally think that people should honest with each other and with themselves because I think
the perceived self influences how actual behavior and not just presenting self. How will that help
you in the long run if you present yourself in a completely healthy and fine manner if you’re
keeping a negative perceived self. If there’s a big difference between a positive presenting self
and a negative perceived self, it might benefit you to work towards a positive perceived self as
well. Having to act one way when you really think in another is a long and tiring process that’s
just better to avoid if you can.
SECTION 2: SOCIAL PENETRATION MODEL: BREADTH AND DEPTH
Purpose: to help you understand the breadth and depth of a relationship that is important to
you; to help you decide if you are satisfied with the breadth and depth of this relationship, and
to modify it if necessary. Directions: use the blank diagram below to make a social penetration
model for a relationship that is important to you, indicating the breadth and depth of the
relationship.
Relationship described in the model (e.g., sister, husband, best friend): ___________________
Based on the above model, are you satisfied with the breadth and depth of this relationship? Why
or why not?
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
Who Am I?
IDENTIFY ELEMENTS OF YOUR SELF-CONCEPT

Instructions: For each category below, supply three words or phrases that describe you.
You should have a total of 30 items.
What cultural or ethnic descriptors are relevant to you?

Japanese American Hawaiian
How would you describe your personality?

Extraverted Somewhat Paranoid Scattered/Head in the Clouds
What gender or sexual-orientation words describe you?

Female Straight Cisgender
How would you describe your social behaviors?

Talkative Loves Meeting New People Friendly
What moods or feelings best characterize you?

Energetic Tries to Be Optimistic Adventurous
How would you describe your physical condition or appearance?

Short Average Body Size Lots of Injuries
What talents do you possess or lack?

Good Writer Good at Analyzing People Awful Singer
How would you describe your intellectual capacity?

Curious Loves the Arts and Science Book-smart
What beliefs do you hold strongly?

Christian Love Everyone Around You Egalitarian
What social roles are most important in your life ?

Student Child Translator
IDENTIFY YOUR “TOP 3”

Instructions: After determining your 30 items, choose your “Top 3”: the three elements of
your self-concept that BEST describe you and are the most important descriptors of you.
My “Top 3” elements of my self-concept:
_ _ _ CURIOUS _ _ _ _ _ _ SCATTERED _ _ _ _ _ _WRITER _ _ _

Writing Exercise 4
Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date February 14th, 2019 (Thursday)

Describe a situation where your perception differed from another person’s perception.
What influence(s) (e.g., physiological factors, cultural differences, social roles, self-concept,
or something else) do you think contributed to these different perceptions?
Grading information: up to 10 points for clearly identifying and thoroughly explaining your
situation involving perceptual differences between you and another person; up to 5 points for
clearly identifying and explaining the factor(s) contributing to the differences in perception.
I rarely disagree with Jade, one of my closest friends, but there is one thing that we’ll never quite
understand where the other person is coming from: where and how do we want to create/raise
our families?
We often find ourselves on the topic of travel, in some way or another, but the situation that
stands out most to me is when we were discussing where we wanted to live as an adult. Jade
wants to settle down somewhere close to her childhood home, and stay in that one space for a
very long time to claim that community for her own. She wants to have one place to call home, a
safe place she knows she can always return to, and plant her roots there. On the other hand, I
want to travel all over, even if I have a family of my own. To me, home is your family, and you
can take that with you anywhere you want. I’m not saying a different country each month, but I
couldn’t possibly settle my family in one place. This big difference has roots in all four major
factors, some more than others.
Physiologically, Jade has weak lungs and a weak immune system, and the Hawaii climate
doesn’t affect any of her medical issues because there’s little pollution here. The temperature is
perfect for her year-round. For me, personally, I need seasons: I need my colds and my hots
because I don’t always do very great in the temperature department. In her point of view, she
assumes that me traveling so much would just make my existing medical conditions worse.
However, I just see it as building up immunity and exercising my old injuries to let them heal.
This factor doesn’t have too much to do with our different perceptions, but they do help shape
our personal opinions about this topic.
Culturally, I love to explore by immersing myself in other people’s worlds and cultures. I grew
up with a mom who raised me on the collectivistic side of things because of her Japanese
background, and I think part of that community-based mindset should involve understanding
each other to maximize the harmony within the group. Jade doesn’t disagree with the fact we
should learn other people’s cultures, but she doesn’t really think of it as a thing necessary to
physically go to a place and immerse herself.
I think the biggest source of our disagreement is just the way that I was raised from an early age.
I’m very fortunately to be born into an ‘airline family’ or whatever kind of name you could call
the situation: many of my relatives have some sort of work in the travel business. Because of our
blood relations to airline employees, we get to reap the family benefits they do, which allow us
to travel as often and for as long as we want, as long as we pay a fee by the end of the year. On
top of that, we have a lot of connections through hotels: through family, friends, and just being
loyal customers. We’re extremely blessed to be in such a fortunate situation, especially because
we aren’t the best off, financially. My dad grew up being on an airplane at least once a month to
see family throughout his entire childhood, and never really grew out of the love of just going.
Jade grew up in a very different environment. Because of financial situations, she didn’t and still
doesn’t travel nearly as much as I do. She might go to the mainland once a year, but because her
family has no relations to any of the airlines, she can’t afford to roam around like my family has.
She’s lived in Hawaii her entire life and hasn’t moved very often from the islands, making it easy
for her to want to live out the rest of her life here. There are other things she can spend her
money on, and not being an avid traveller saves a lot. Neither one of her parents were quite
adventurers either.
In my case, my parents have put me on a plane since I was 4 months old. I seem to have
inherited my dad’s inability to stay in a certain place for too long before I go stir-crazy. We
follow my dad’s whims a lot, and it’s very rare for me to stay on island for more than five
months at a time before my dad pulls me out of school to go somewhere else. Now I find it
impossible to be able to live in one spot, because it’s so unusual to be stuck in one place for so
long. I have to go somewhere new. I’m not content in old and familiar places. Part of it might
have to do with my drive of curiosity.
Personality has a factor in it as well. Jade has a very grounded personality, rooted and easy to
slide into routine. I’m her opposite: I go wherever the wind takes me, and nothing is scarier to
me than letting the adventure come to an end. Some people don’t like the stress associated with
travel, from the airport to human interaction to the experience as a whole. Others are willing to
put up with the journey to get to the destination. A small portion live for the bustle and the chaos
and the nonstop energy. Jade and I just happen to fall on very opposite sides of the spectrum. I
need the social and rowdy aspect and she likes the quiet and relaxing parts of life.
I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to see eye-to-eye about where we want to live in the future.
Jade thinks that having a solid, stable platform for her family to grow will give her a happy
family. I think that my family should see what the world has to offer, and learn young that
nothing is permanent. But while we have. Very different views, we’ll always respect each others
opinions, even if they make no sense to ourselves.

SECTION 1: OBSERVING BEHAVIOR AND MAKING INTERPRETATIONS

Purpose: to identify the interpretations you make about others’ behavior; to recognize how
your perception influences those assumptions; to consider whether your interpretations are
accurate.
Directions: over the next couple of days, observe someone who is relatively close to you, and
then record your interpretations in the spaces provided.
Name of person you observed (first name only is sufficient) and your relationship to this
person (e.g., my friend Kaylee):
Cara, a close friend
Describe an assumption you have made about this person’s thoughts or feelings
I might or might not have irritated or bothered her by being insensitive.
List two behaviors (things the person has said or done) that lead you to believe your
assumption about this person’s thoughts or feelings is accurate
1. She’s been subdued when our friend and I have tried to talk to her lately.
2. She’s stopped asking for my help in our JPNS class, and she usually always has to ask for my
help. I made a concerned comment about how slow she’s been picking up the language and she
got hissy about it.
Give two reasons why your assumption about this person’s thoughts or feelings may not be
accurate:
1. She’s told me about relationship issues with her boyfriend and she’s been having conflict with
her parents at home. She won’t really talk to us but she’ll rant her problems in the car.
2. It’s towards the end of our senior year (of high school) and Cara is somewhat notorious for not
handling stress well. A lot of things are happening at once.
Explain how one or more of the following factors may have influenced your perception of
this person:
Physiological influences:
Usually when we sit in the car, she sits facing more of my direction to talk, but recently she’s
been staring out the window a lot and not responding when my friend is saying something.
Sometimes she laughs when I say something but for the most part she’s all slumped over, broody,
with a stormy kind of expression on her face. She is usually a very bright and cheerful person
with great posture and a warm, vocal presence. It’s really odd to see her so closed off and distant,
so much so that it instantly raised a red flag the minute I realized she was acting different.
Cultural differences:
I don’t think there are any cultural differences: we were both raised in America with a very
independent culture but still having an Asian parent that reinforces a very collectivistic way of
thinking.
Social roles:
We’re same aged girls with similar home backgrounds, and I can’t think of many social roles,
really. We both don’t have a job, we’re both students, and both are dual credit students. One
thing that’s different though, is that she’s in a relationship with a partner going through a rough
time, and I’ve been single my entire life, never even having a crush on anyone. I know whenever
he’s having a hard time, her performance isn’t as great as she devotes her time to him.
Self-concept:
I’ve been learning Japanese since I could speak, because my mom is Japanese and was born and
raised in Tokyo. I’m also quick to learn and memorize what’s given to me: Cara is a slow learner
that has to teach herself to understand any of it. On the other hand, I’m someone who jumps very
quickly to conclusions— well, a single conclusion. And that usually is “it’s my fault/I’ve done
something wrong” or any other variation. I tend to blame myself for things I have nothing to do
with, associating any negative behavior towards me as something I’ve done wrong. If anyone I
know is irritated around me, I’ll instantly assume it’s me. That’s a huge part of my self-concept
that influences how I interact with others: any bad thing inflicted on someone else is my fault.
SECTION 2: PERCEPTION CHECKING
Purpose: to practice creating effective perception checking statements.
Directions: write a complete perception check statement (include a description of the behavior
you noticed, at least two possible interpretations of that behavior, and a request for
clarification) for each of the three situations below.
You and your romantic partner usually spend Friday nights, your “date night,” alone
together. However, he/she has just informed you that he/she plans to go out on Friday night
with friends from work but does not invite you. You decide to figure out why.
“Hey (insert nickname here), I noticed you made plans with your coworkers on our date night.
I’m wondering if this was for a work event or if you were tired of the date night routine. Are we
okay, or do you want to talk about it?”
 
One of your classmates sits by you every day in class, you’ve worked on a number of
homework assignments together, and he/she calls you at home several times a week. He/she
has just suggested that you meet for dinner this weekend. You’re not sure why, so you decide
to clarify.
“Hey dude, you invited me to dinner. I was wondering if this would be a “work on homework”
dinner or just a casual get together. Should I bring my notes and books or leave them at home?”
Your friend was driving you home from a party last night when he/she began to weave the
car between lanes on the highway. You were uncomfortable but didn’t say anything at the
time. Your friend has just arrived at your house to give you a ride to school, and you have
decided to bring up last night’s incident.
“Hey dude, last night after the party you were weaving lanes on the highway. Were you really
drunk last night or did something go wrong? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Writing Exercise 5
Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date February 21st, 2018 Thursday

According to your text, “…it’s the interpretations that people make of an event, during the
process of self-talk, that determine their feelings” (Adler & Proctor, 2017, p. 163). Think of
a recent event or situation that you have been involved in. Describe the event/situation,
your interpretations of the event/your self-talk, and your resulting feelings/emotions.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly explaining your situation; up to 5 points for
clearly describing your self-talk during the situation; up to 5 points for clearly identifying the
emotion(s) resulting from the self-talk.
Recently, for my JPNS 102 class, we had the opportunity to meet with three Japanese students
from Onomichi University (which is located in Hiroshima prefecture) for extra credit and
language practice. They were here for English immersion, and we were there to practice our
Japanese in an immersion experience of our own: actual, useful, conversational Japanese. Among
my classmates I know the most amount of Japanese, due to my mom speaking it to me around
the house and visiting Tokyo in the summers. We were split into groups of ~4 English speakers
per Japanese student and had to do 30 minutes of English, followed by 30 minutes of Japanese.
Fortunately, because of my mom I could carry on meaningful conversations with the Japanese
students and translate for either language. Unfortunately, there weren’t many students at all
around my proficiency; a lot of the students attending were in JPNS 102, and only a handful of
level 200 students. I was heavily relied on by many of my classmates and the Japanese students
to translate for them to carry a group conversation. It was a position with a lot of pressure to
deliver a translation as quickly and accurately as I could to keep the group talk from grinding to a
halt.
My self-talk, admittedly for the most part, was not the calmest, nor the most reassuring. It was a
nonstop stream of panicked babble while I tried to maintain a calm front. Realistically, I knew
the situation wasn’t that big of a deal if I didn’t know, but I have a huge fear of letting other
people down. This was a worse case scenario of ‘if I can’t do this, it’s ruined for everyone’ and
that didn’t help my self-talk at all. It turned mainly into irrational self-talk, at least towards the
beginning. “Am I gonna say the wrong word and embarrass myself?” “Everyone is depending on
me, I can’t afford to make a mistake.” “Come on, you should be able to say that.”, and general
frustration. However, towards the end of the talk, I had relaxed and caught my breath a little bit,
and my self-talk turned more into a “if you can’t do it, you can’t do it, even if that’s really
unfortunate.” The more I was able to translate and the easier it got with time and practice and the
less I felt like I was disappointing everyone, it was actually pretty easy for my self-talk to
become much more positive and more of a driving force. Once I got over the fear influencing
myself, the whole task was much more enjoyable and manageable.
In the end, I did end up having fun with the group activity. In the beginning, influenced by my
more negative self-talk, I was anxious and exasperated with myself whenever I found the
slightest bit of trouble. I was worried everyone would look at me like I’m an idiot. And it
manifested in my fidgety legs, flushing cheeks, and noticeable stuttering. My emotions had
gotten me worked up to the point that for about a minute and a half, I forgot how to speak
English and Japanese. But the more I let myself relax and not focus on any of the pressure, my
emotions shifted into feelings like excitement, satisfaction, and curiosity. I tend to feel positive
emotion stronger than negative, so once the ball started rolling, I was able to stabilize my
emotions and self-talk into something much more constructive and helpful rather than
debilitating self-talk and behaviors. It ended up being a great experience due to my shift in
emotion and self-talk. Even though I was in a stress inducing environment, I was still able to be
influenced by forcing myself into calmer, more rational self-talk and just taking a breather.
SECTION 1: EMOTION COMPONENTS

Purpose: to identify the components of emotions in various situations.
Directions: read each situation described below and then explain how the emotion(s) you
would likely experience in that situation might appear physiologically, nonverbally,
cognitively, and verbally.
Incident 1: Your romantic partner says, in a serious tone, “I really need to talk to you about
something.”
Emotion(s) likely experienced:
Fear, nervous/anxious, guilty
Physiological factors:
I would tense up, have that floating and empty feeling in my gut, probably pale in the face a little
bit and sweat.
Nonverbal reactions:
I would fidget and fall into my nervous ticks. My facial expression would change into something
more worried and scared, and my body language would have me shrinking in on myself and
avoiding eye contact.
Cognitive interpretations:
Based on my physiological and nonverbal reactions I defined my emotion as fear.
Verbal expressions:
I would not verbally express my emotions and wait for my partner to completely finish speaking
before jumping in.
Incident 2: As you’re telling a story, you notice your listener yawn and look at his/her watch.
Emotion(s) likely experienced:
Embarrassed
Physiological factors:
I would probably blush as soon as I noticed and have a cold feeling in my stomach. I might
stutter whatever I was saying.
Nonverbal reactions:
I would cut myself off mid-sentence and look away from the listener. I would fidget with my
clothes or my phone and avoid eye contact. I would probably hunch my shoulders as well
Cognitive interpretations:
Based on my physiological and nonverbal reactions I defined my emotion as embarrassment.
Verbal expressions:
“Oh, sorry, I must be boring you. Sorry about that.”
SECTION 2: EFFECTIVE EMOTION EXPRESSION

Purpose: to help you express the emotions you experience clearly and appropriately.
Directions: identify what is unclear or ineffective about each of the following feeling
statements; then rewrite the feeling statement to make it more effective, using the guidelines
for emotion expression.
Ineffective Feeling Statement 1: “You make me so mad.”

What is ineffective about this statement:
The first thing wrong with that is that I’m using ‘you’ language, blaming someone else for my
emotions. My emotions are my responsibility.
A more effective way of expressing your emotion(s) in this situation (i.e., rewrite the
statement):
“I’m so angry when you put the empty milk carton back into the fridge.”
Ineffective Feeling Statement 2: “I was a little upset when you didn’t show up when you said
you would.”
What is ineffective about this statement:
Using “a little” downplays your emotions, and there is no expansion of vocabulary, and
neglecting to mention other feelings.
A more effective way of expressing your emotion(s) in this situation (i.e., rewrite the
statement):
“I was frustrated but also really worried when you didn’t show up when you said you would.”
Writing Exercise 6
Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date _________________________________

Instructions: Respond to the following question(s)/prompt(s). An average entry will merely answer
the questions(s)/prompt(s) and will receive average credit. To receive majority or all points, you
should answer all question(s)/prompt(s), provide specific examples from your life/relationships, and
incorporate any pertinent terminology from the textbook reading or class lecture. Minimal
answers/effort will receive minimal credit.
Your text identifies three areas where language can impact our lives by shaping our perceptions
and/or reflecting our attitudes: 1) naming and identity, 2) affiliation, and 3) power. Choose ONE of
these three areas and explain how language has impacted your life in this way. Use specific
examples in your discussion.
For example, how has your name shaped the way others think of you, how you view yourself, or
how you act? Or, how have you used convergent language to demonstrate your affiliation with
others (alternatively, you could discuss how your language has diverged from others to demonstrate
a lack of affiliation)? Finally, you may choose to discuss how you have used powerful or powerless
speech mannerisms to demonstrate your influence (or lack of influence) over others.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying and explaining the language area that has
most impacted you; up to 10 points for using specific examples to explain how this area of language
has affected your life.
I have many, many names. More than I think most do.
To the government and anything or anyone that requires my legal name, I am Amelia-Grace Namiko
Ugrinich. To my relatives on the mainland and my parents when they’re angry, I am just Amelia-Grace.
To my father, I am Grace. In many of my college classes, I am Amelia. To most people I give my name to,
I’m Gracie. In Japan and in my Japanese classes and martial arts dojos, I go by Namiko. The children I
babysit and play with, they call me Gravy because they haven’t quite gotten their ‘c’s yet. To those who
have only ever see my last name, they remember me by Ugrinich, because you rarely ever see a name like
that. Sometimes people overlap these categories and call me by multiple things. All these different names
for one person seems a little excessive, but all of these have come around for a different reason, like how
the same concept or same object can be called so many different things and all have the same meaning. In
order to really understand how my name has shaped how both others and I view myself and how I act, I
think I should cover all the names I’m called over the course of my day.
Amelia-Grace combines the name of two of my great-grandmothers on my paternal side. Amelia was my
grandfather’s mom, and Grace was my grandmother’s mom. Both were noted as being women of
elegance and intelligence, and I want to be able to live up to the legacy they’ve left behind in our family. I
used to be embarrassed by my name when I was younger: a) I could never spell it right, and b) I was
teased a lot for having such an ‘old-fashioned’ sounding name. I refuse to acknowledge that it was my
real name until freshman year of high school, actually. My dad sat me down and explained to me why I
had been named the way I was, and it totally changed my whole worldview on my name. When it comes
to using Amelia, mainly it’s because the roster for all college classes have me listed as ‘Amelia-Grace’
and honestly, it’s just easier to to let people call me Amelia instead of correcting them to something else.
However, for this COM 145 class, I wasn’t paying attention when we got our name cards and I ended up
writing Gracie by accident, though I’m okay with it. With the name Grace, there’s a funnier side to it
based on other perceptions of my name and myself. I am a very, very clumsy and accident prone person.
I’ve broken and sprained and torn countless ligaments and bones, I’ve tripped down stairs and hit by
electric scooters and fallen off of balconies. I trip over my own feet on a daily basis or fall out of chairs
trying to reach a pencil. Even my own parents tell me that perhaps Grace was a misleading to give me;
my mom has said before that the funniest joke she ever made was giving such an elegant name to such a
walking train wreck. I wholeheartedly agree.
Something that I have picked up over the years however, are people’s assumptions about me by my name
alone. It’s far from an uncommon occurrence for people to straight up tell me to my face that they’re
surprised that I’m now 100% white, and that ‘there’s no way you’re Asian with such a white-sounding
name.’ To be fair, Amelia-Grace Ugrinich doesn’t sound very Japanese. I notice that strangers I haven’t
met before tend to be more respectful to me in emails than they do to my mom, who has a Japanese name.
Even Japanese people tend to associate me with more of the white side of my heritage because of my
name. It’s always very funny having people call my name out in waiting rooms or in registration offices
and seeing the look on their face when I walk up, instead of me being the blond haired and blue eyed
caucasian they usually expect me to be. I’ve long since come to terms with how people expect me to be
and behave because of my name, and I don’t take any assumptions to heart anymore. I also will use this
name when I want to appear professional to others, or when I feel that I should conduct an interaction
with more maturity and formality than using other forms of my name. Above all else, my personal
perception on how my name reflects on my behavior nowadays, instead of simply sounding old and long-
winded, is that I want to become someone my namesakes will be proud of.
Gracie has been around nearly as long as Amelia-Grace has. My two older cousins, Evan and Elysse, are
6 years and 4 years apart from me respectively. They were at that age that teaching them to refer to me as
Amelia-Grace or Namiko was out of the question, so my family settled on the easy Gracie. From then on,
my parents consistently referred to me as Gracie when taking me to daycares or play centers to keep it
easy for other kids to pronounce (and for me to remember.) By the time kindergarten rolled around, we
stuck with Gracie so I had an easier time writing my name, and so other kids wouldn’t have to stumble
over my name. But as time progressed, neither me nor the people around me grew out of it.
To me, personally, while referring to myself as Gracie might seem a little childish with the ‘ie’ ending, it
seems like a fun and lively name. I use Gracie when I feel like I can relax and be comfortable with the
people I am with. It reminds me of more fun and simple times, and I can simply let myself be the fun and
wild friend and relative I know I am. If Amelia-Grace brings out my more professional traits, then Gracie
allows me to view myself as the more energetic and outgoing person I know I am. Surprisingly, if I list
myself as Gracie instead of Amelia-Grace on a sign-up sheet or on paperwork, I receive about 3/4 less
comments about people assuming that I’m full white. My last name throws everyone in for a loop
however, as per usual. Regarding my English names, even though I use 4 names quite similar to each
other, I use each name to communicate something different to a group of people.
Namiko is written as ‘wave child’ in Japanese, and is what my mom is the name my mom prefers to use
for me. In America, it functions as my middle name and also as a legal name in Japan. I view this name as
a connection to my Japanese heritage and as a connection to the place where I spent the other part of my
life. Namiko is used whenever I want people to think I’m Japanese or that I’m in a setting where Japanese
is either a primary and secondary language. And a couple times, to convince people I’m not American
when we travel to or through somewhere not particularly fond of Americans. Like how Amelia-Grace has
people automatically assuming I’m white, Namiko makes people think that I am full Japanese.
Interestingly enough, it’s only when I use the combination Namiko Ugrinich that people realize that I’m
half-white and half-Japanese. Most of the assumptions made about me are race-based from what people
tell me, or what I can perceive from other’s reactions when I meet them or tell them what my name is.
While I am proud of all of the names I use, I think I’m lucky that the worst my name has influenced
people’s perceptions of me is that they assume what race I am. Each name communicates a different
meaning and a unique usage, and I’m curious to see how more people around the world will come to see
my name, especially after I leave Hawaii for more culturally and ethnically white dominated places.
SECTION 1: SEMANTIC MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Purpose: to recognize and change language that contributes to misunderstandings.
Directions: label the language contained in each statement as equivocal language, relative language,
static evaluation, or high abstraction (there will be one of each); then rewrite each statement in more
precise language that will guard against misunderstandings.
Example Statement: “I’m so hot!”

Language: equivocal language (hot as in good-looking, or hot as in body temperature?)
Revised Statement: “It’s over 90 degrees outside today, and I can’t seem to stop sweating.”
Statement 1: “Give me a small piece of cake, please.”
Language:
__________________________________________________________
Revised Statement:
__________________________________________________________
Statement 2: “My job isn’t taking me anywhere.”
Language:
__________________________________________________________
Revised Statement:
__________________________________________________________
Statement 3: “He is such a nerd.”
Language:
__________________________________________________________
Revised Statement:
__________________________________________________________
Statement 4: “I saw you cheating on the exam.”
Language:
__________________________________________________________
Revised Statement:
__________________________________________________________
SECTION 2: THE IMPACT OF LANGUAGE
Purpose: to understand the different ways that language can be used ineffectively, to consider language
that is more specific and less judgmental, to analyze how gender differences may affect an interaction.
Directions: use the situation below and the questions that follow to discuss the variety of issues involved
in effective verbal communication.
SITUATION: Matt and Mia were assigned to be class project partners by their communication
instructor. After a few weeks both Matt and Mia came to their instructor to complain about the other. Matt
called Mia a “flake” and said she didn’t work hard enough and didn’t take the project seriously. Mia said
that Matt was “arrogant,” wanted the project done only his way, and didn’t care about all the
commitments Mia had.
What types of ineffective language are Matt and Mia using about one another? How would their language
affect their perception of each other?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
How would you suggest Matt and Mia revise their language? Give specific examples.
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
What gender differences in language do you think might apply to this situation? Explain.
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Writing Exercise 7
Name _________________________________ Due Date _________________________________

After reading Chapter 7, you should be familiar with various types of nonverbal communication.
Choose someone in your life, and over the next couple of days, observe this person’s nonverbal
behavior. Consider this person’s body movement, appearance, voice, use of time, etc., and jot down
notes if necessary. Select TWO types of nonverbal behavior that you observed, and discuss your
interpretations of these behaviors.
For example, do you interpret this person’s slumped posture to be tiredness or boredom? What does
this person’s body orientation communicate to you or to other people he/she is interacting with (e.g.,
does facing toward people communicate interest while facing away communicates lack of interest)?
What messages are communicated by this person’s clothing? How might this person’s use of time
(e.g., arriving early or late) signal power in a relationship?
After completing the journal, feel free to share your interpretations of this person’s nonverbal
behavior with him/her to determine the accuracy of your interpretations. You might also consider
having this person observe you and share his/her interpretations of your nonverbal behavior with
you.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying and explaining TWO types of nonverbal
behavior; up to 10 points for clearly describing your interpretations of each of the two nonverbal
behaviors.
I observed my mom for this journal, just because I can read her behavior and nonverbal communication
very clearly based off of experience. Her first language is Japanese and she still isn’t very confident in her
English after 25 years of learning, so while we’re in America she stays pretty quiet. Instead, I read her
nonverbal communication for cues as to how she’s feeling or what she’s thinking.
The first kind of behavior I identified and analyzed was my mom’s vocalics, one of the most telling forms
of nonverbal communication my mom unconsciously lets run wild. I can tell the instant she gets irritated
from the way her tone of voice gets that indignant pitch at the end of her sentences. When her voice gets
really low, she’s trying to be as intimidating as possible. She prefers to let her tone of voice show what her
real mood is, and use fake words of reassurance that “it’s okay, I forgive you.” It’s easy to interpret her
mood from the pitch of her laughter: the higher pitched it is, the more hysterical and/or disbelieving she’s
probably feeling. The lower the pitch, the more likely she finds something genuinely funny and isn’t
trying to rub in your face she doesn’t find your joke funny. One thing I noticed during this assignment that
I haven’t before is that she actually uses different tones of voice for Japanese and English: I think she uses
a softer and slower pronunciation of English words to come across as nicer and warmer. She probably
doesn’t want to embarrass herself either if she says something wrong. But it's easy to interpret and just see
her general comfort when using Japanese: mom always talks faster and fiercer when she talks to people
using her first language.
She also has an interesting set of vocalic quirks that she herself doesn’t even notice, no matter how many
times me and my dad tell her about them. She has a habit of speaking with her volume cranked to eleven
out of ten, no matter where she is or who she’s with. Sometimes it sounds more like yelling than talking,
Mom also screams at the top of her lungs quite frequently, both in public and in private, with the same
intensity for both big and small things. She hums not-quite-under her breath, and both sings and hums at
full volume without realizing it. It only stops when someone else lets her know she’s making noise. But
this side of her vocalics can be easily explained but hard to interpret if you’re a stranger: people assume
she’s just socially unaware, but really my mom is just mostly deaf. Her hearing aids help somewhat, but
her ears ring so constantly so loudly sometimes she can’t hear people over the sounds in her head. She
can’t hear herself make noises at a normal talking volume if she doesn’t have her hearing aids in. Her
mother is also deaf, and she learned very earlier that she has to scream as loud as she can if anything
happens because it's the only way her mother could ever hear her. And in turn, growing up with a mom
who hadn’t used hearing aids for a vast majority of my life, I speak with the loud and obnoxious volume.
It’s a Hasegawa family quirk: everyone speaks very loud because otherwise you’ll be drowned out by just
about anything else.
On the other hand, my mom’s haptics are really interesting to observe and harder to interpret than her
voice. For someone born and raised in Japan, she uses a shocking amount of American-like friendship/
warmth haptics with me. Although my grandma is the least tactile person I know, my mom is extremely
clingy with me and tries to make contact as often as socially acceptable. I interpret her behavior as being
afraid of me living away from home when it’s time for me to leave for college. I’m her only child and
she’s communicated before how scared and sad she is for me to leave the nest. I think she’s trying to
enjoy the last bit of my youth with me before its too late. Another interpretation is that she always longed
for a hug as a child from her dad, or to cuddle with her sister, or just to relax in the presence of her mom.
She grew up so distant from her family, that she wants to indulge in those kinds of luxuries now that she
has a family of her own now. Twice in the past four days I’ve been stopped by my mom to curl up with
her under a blanket and watch a movie together: I can’t tell if she’s just being overemotional about me
leaving soon or if she’s just craving the attention she never got as a child.
But as touchy as she is, she rarely lets people touch her shoulders or get near her head. So I formed three
hypothesis out of her behavior: she just never grew comfortable with contact around her head, neck, and
shoulder area. She never wears any clothing or accessories that get too close to those three areas if she can
physically prevent it. Maybe she tolerates touch anywhere besides the area of least contact in Japanese
culture. Another interpretation I have is that she doesn’t like people around her shoulders because of a
reoccurring and long-lasting injury that was inflicted on her right shoulder. Even the lightest pressure can
cause her entire arm to sting and ache for hours. She could just be avoiding contact there to minimize pain
in her arm. The last interpretation I have is that her hearing aids make an awful screeching noise the
moment it detects any movement around her ears. You can hear the piercing, hellish noise when you lean
in for a hug or a kiss on the cheek, or even just casual cuddling. She might just be avoiding touch around
her head area to keep her hearing aids from constantly going on the fritz when someone gets close. It
could be none of these interpretations. It could be all of them. I’m not quite sure because I’ve never really
asked her before. I’ll have to ask her, later.
Even though she utilizes all forms of nonverbal communication frequently, her most interesting uses are
through vocalics and haptics. I wonder what else I can learn from watching and listening to everything
beyond her words.

SECTION 1: HOW WOULD YOU…NONVERBALLY?

Purpose: to identify nonverbal behaviors that will achieve your goals.
Directions: list 3-4 nonverbal behaviors you would likely use to accomplish the goal stated in each of the
following situations; then identify the categories of nonverbal communication that you discussed.
Example situation: How would you…show your date that you’re having a great time?
Nonverbal behaviors: make eye contact with my date, smile, lean forward, touch his arm.
Nonverbal categories discussed in the above behaviors: kinesics, haptics
Situation 1: How would you…indicate your interest in starting a conversation with a stranger at a party?
Nonverbal behaviors:
__________________________________________________________
Nonverbal categories discussed in the above behaviors:
__________________________________________________________
Situation 2: How would you…appear interested in your teacher’s lecture?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Situation 3: How would you…signal that you want to end a conversation with someone who won’t stop
talking?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Situation 4: How would you…show you are confident in asking your boss for a raise?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
SECTION 2: CONGRUENCY, CONTRADICTION, AND AMBIGUITY
Purpose: to determine whether your verbal and nonverbal behavior are congruent, contradictory, or
ambiguous.
Directions: for each of the following situations, list both your likely verbal and nonverbal behavior (3-4
behaviors); then evaluate whether your verbal and nonverbal behavior are congruent, contradictory, or
ambiguous.
Example situation: Your verbal response: Your nonverbal Congruent,

behavior: contradictory, or
ambiguous?
Your mom asks you to “Sure, no problem.” Shoulders slump, voice Contradictory—I say I
pick up your sibling has a sarcastic tone, will do it and it’s not a
from school, when you give a very noticeable problem, but my
have already made other sigh, frown. nonverbal behavior
plans. suggests the opposite.
Situation: Your verbal response: Your nonverbal Congruent,

behavior: contradictory, or
ambiguous?
Your roommate asks
you to help clean up the
living room while
you’re trying to do your
homework.
Your classmate asks you

what you thought of her
class presentation.
Your friend ditched you

at a party, and then asks
you the next day if
you’re mad.
Writing Exercise 8
Name _________________________________ Due Date _________________________________

Describe a recent interpersonal situation in which you did not listen effectively. What specific
factor(s) (from types of ineffective listening and/or reasons why we don’t listen better) do you think
contributed to your failure to listen effectively in this particular situation? Explain.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly describing an interpersonal situation in which you did
not listen well; up to 10 points for clearly identifying and explaining the specific factor(s) that
contributed to you not listening effectively.
Recently, my mom and I got into a misunderstanding and insensitive listening was born from
psuedolistening, external noise, and preoccupation. The way my mom communicates requires full
attention from the listener because the real meaning behind her words have to be read between the lines.
She is extremely indirect and refuses to get to the point herself. Usually when she talks she has my full
attention so I can try and gauge what my mom is really thinking and I have to be a mindful listener.
However, in this scenario, I hadn’t been giving her my full attention because I was preoccupied with
watching my nephew and listening to make sure he wasn’t getting into any trouble, so I was already
pseudolistening a little bit and drifting in and out of the conversation with my mom. I hadn’t heard nearly
enough to try and listen for the context, even though I am very familiar with the fact that in order to
properly communicate with my mom, I need to be careful and mindful about her words.
Watching my nephew playing in the grass, my mom made a comment about how good I was at looking
after my nephew, and told me about how many times I had hit my head as a very small child under her
and my father’s care (I was their first and only child, and both of my parents are the youngest siblings.)
She said as a joke “I’m an awful parent, aren’t I?” If I had been properly listening and not pseudolistening
and distracted, I would’ve been able to tell that she had been fishing for validation that she was fine, and
she and my dad raised me perfectly fine. However, because I was distracted by external noise from my
nephew and being preoccupied watching him and thinking about how close he was to getting hurt at
times, I hadn’t been listening to my mom’s tone. I completely misread the atmosphere.
“Yeah, you were.” I used a very deadpan snark, “glad you’re just realizing it now.”
That was not the response she wanted.
My mom became super offended that I had called her a bad parent when she was obviously looking for
praise, and took me seriously. Giving all my attention to my nephew, I wasn’t paying attention to how
angry my mom had gotten. It wasn’t until all my distractions were gone and I could pay full attention to
my mom that I realized that I must’ve said the wrong thing and hadn’t even noticed at all. It took all night
for her to forgive me. My nephew had provided external noise, and the fact that I was responsible for his
safety for that period of time had already gotten me preoccupied with him first and foremost. Because I
answered by pseudolistening, I was completely insensitive to her words and meaning and focused on the
words. I wasn’t listening properly for what my mom was saying and it caused a complete
misunderstanding.
SECTION 1: ANALYZING YOUR OWN LISTENING

Identify and explain the type of ineffective listening that you think you use most often
(pseudolistening, stage-hogging, selective listening, insulated listening, defensive listening,
ambushing, insensitive listening). What are the usual consequences of this?
Of the types of ineffective listening, I think I use pseudolistening the most without even realizing it. With
my spacey nature and tendency to drift off in my own thoughts, sometimes I find myself halfway in the
middle of a conversation with someone that I don’t even remember starting. In other cases, I’m already
focused on something else and then someone tries to talk to me. Most of the time I can get away with
pseudolistening by trying to think back to keywords or prominent phrases that I can somewhat remember,
or gathering enough context from the rest of the statement or sentence to piece together what I missed.
However, when I get caught, I’ve had people leave the conversation without another word and have had
people berate me for not paying attention. I really offend the people and they stay angry from anywhere to
an hour to months, depending on how important the topic was to that person. Idle chatter is usually
forgiven quickly, but someone asking for advice or spilling a deep story while I’m not paying attention to
the speaker can land me in hot water for long periods of time.
Identify and explain the main reason why you think you don’t listen better (message overload,
preoccupation, rapid thought, effort, external noise, faulty assumptions, lack of apparent
advantages, lack of training, hearing problems). What are the usual consequences of this?
Preoccupation is the main reason I don’t listen better, followed by rapid thought and even a little bit of
hearing problems. I think so often and so quickly that I focus on keeping up with my own thoughts rather
than giving my full attention to the speaker. The hearing problems come in the form of a minor but
growing case of bilateral tinnitus, which is common on my mother’s maternal side of the family. When
I’m preoccupied, I miss very important parts of the conversation, or I find myself agreeing to do tasks that
either I can’t do or don’t want to do. Sometimes I can’t completely focus on a conversation which causes
my memory on the subject to get patchy and I can’t contribute anything meaningful. My preoccupation
feeds directly into my pseudolistening.
What listening response do you think you use most often (prompting, questioning, paraphrasing,
supporting, analyzing, advising, judging)? Give an example of a time you used this listening
response.
I think I use advising the most often as a listening response, but I always listen for cues to open up the
opportunity to advise. Sometimes unsolicited advice can do more harm than good. On Saturday, my
grandmother and her best friend held a pizza night for two homestay Japanese high school students and
invited me, as I am roughly around their age and also speak Japanese. When I was talking to the two girls,
Sayaka and Ririka, Ririka mentioned wanting to get shaved ice while they were on Maui before they
returned to Japan, but then stated that she wasn’t sure which store to go to because there were so many
options. I advised them to visit Ululani’s shaved ice in Kihei, Kahului, or Lahaina if they had the chance.
What do you think you could or need to do to improve your listening?

I think if I didn’t let myself get distracted so often, I wouldn’t pseudolisten because I would actually be
paying attention. I become lost in thought so quickly, I think I could improve my listening by trying to
anchor to the present by quickly latching onto discussion topics and playing an equal part in the
conversation. I notice I tend to drift off when I spend most of my time listening, so playing an active role
in a discussion could better improve how I listen. I could also just put my thoughts on the back burner so I
can properly engage with whoever I’m talking to to try and free up the space in my head to focus on the
conversation.
SECTION 2: APPLYING LISTENING CONCEPTS TO AN INTERPERSONAL

SITUATION
involved in effective listening.
SITUATION: Sarah and Lauren have been friends since elementary school and are now in their
thirties. Sarah has been happily married to her high school sweetheart for over ten years. Lauren has
been engaged four times, and each time has broken it off as the wedding date approaches. Lauren has
just told Sarah that she is once again engaged.
Generally speaking, why would Sarah NOT listen effectively to Lauren?

Seeing as they are long time friends, Sarah is very familiar with Lauren’s habits and thought processes
and if Lauren is repeating behaviors she exhibited during past engagements, she might not take this
engagement seriously either. Sarah probably has also heard a similar spiel many times in the past and
already expects it to fail. Also, because Sarah is very happy with her marriage with her high school
sweetheart, she might not understand the fuss of getting with yet another guy.
What types of ineffective listening and/or reasons why we don’t listen better do you think Sarah
might use with Lauren in this situation? Explain your choices.
Sarah could use any number of ineffective listening and/or reasons she doesn’t listen better. She could be
pseudolistening, and just zoning out and nodding along with whatever Lauren is saying. Sarah could
stage-hog, and wait for Lauren to finish before gushing about her own thriving marriage. She could be
selective listening for phrases linked to indecisiveness and ignoring all other factors involved seeing as
she most likely would have had to listen to four other engagements where Lauren vocalized doubts at
some point. She could also be ambushing, and gathering all the doubts Lauren might have before
launching them back at her. Insensitive listening, where she ignores Lauren’s emotions and talks about
blatant facts could also happen. She might have faulty assumptions as well, thinking she doesn’t need to
listen because she’s heard it all before.
What listening response style(s) could Sarah use that would be most helpful to Lauren? Construct a
response for Sarah to deliver to Lauren using that style.
I think the most helpful listening response style could be supporting with a little bit of questioning.
Instead of judging a situation or trying to analyze a relationship Sarah isn’t a part of, paraphrasing
everything Lauren already said, or giving a lack of major response would be rather ineffective. Seeing as
how Lauren conducts her relationships differently and Sarah has probably already tried giving her advice
before, advising might not be that useful. A possible response could be: “Oh, that’s great! I’m so happy
for you! When did (significant other’s name) propose?”
Suppose that the two friends described in the situation above are men, rather than women (let’s call
them Sammy and Larry). Do you think Sammy would use a different listening response style from
the one you listed for Sarah in the previous question? Why or why not?
While I think that men would support each other with a few words or a small celebration, men may try to
give advice to each other about how their past engagement went to help Larry commit or make sure his
significant other is ‘the one.’ Sammy might also prompt Larry to continue speaking about it or to try and
get more information from Larry without asking. Being task-oriented and succinct, I think it would be a
simpler affair overall, as they don’t primary communicate to maintain relationships and would rather hear
the full thing as fast as possible.
Writing Exercise 9
Name _________________________________ Due Date Tuesday April 16th

Your text describes three dialectical tensions that can challenge our interpersonal
relationships: connection vs. autonomy, openness vs. privacy, and predictability vs. novelty.
Choose ONE of these tensions and describe how it is affecting or has affected one of your
relationships, citing specific examples in your discussion.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying one dialectical tension that has
impacted your relationship; up to 10 points for using specific examples to explain how this
dialectical tension has influenced your relationship.
While this may not be the most conventional display, this was the first and best relationship
comparison I could think of for a dialectical tension. I might have mentioned Leila before, a very
close friend of mine who I have virtually maintained a friendship with for years since she moved
away in seventh grade. We make a huge effort to talk to each other as often as we can, and to
take advantage of apps and programs such as Skype, Discord, Rabbit, FaceTime, phone call,
texting, email, anything we can get our hands on. But as much time as we like to spend together,
we also need our time apart.
I’m going to use the dialectical tension of connection versus autonomy. While we may not be
able to physically spend much (if any) time together, we keep connected however possible. Our
connection appears in the desire to be close, where we spend hours with each other online talking
without any other distractions such as family members, media or entertainment, other virtual
conversations, or even homework. We have a similar goal to stay in contact and maintain a
relationship without having to reestablish it over long periods or breaks in between. We stay
connected often for long periods of time.
Then, on the flip side, we’ll fall into a several day mutual silence. Not because we’ve run out of
topics or its the aftermath of a fight. We merely need some distance to recharge, that’s all. We
have our own independent lives despite our desire to stay together and we have other
relationships, obligations, and even just a “recharge period,” for the lack of a better term. We
spend this time to ourselves or with others and establish our autonomy and identity separate from
each other. When we do break the ice again, almost always we’re both mutually ready to shift
back into connecting again.
If we don’t spend time apart, then I notice I start to get snappy with Leila, even over small things
she doesn’t deserve. Anything flaw that I can normally overlook without batting an eyelash is
suddenly unmistakable and unavoidable; the biggest problem of my day so far. On the opposite
side, I notice that her responses become more curt and less courteous or she’ll take longer to
respond (if she does respond.) We may be more prone to arguing or clashing— on purpose or
not. So sometimes we decide we need a bit of a break: even sisters need some time away from
each other. We drop all contact out of the absolutely necessary to focus on work or other people,
and slowly drift back over the course of days. These recharge periods are vital to our relationship
and I don’t know how we would have maintained a relationship otherwise.
Sometimes, we just can’t talk. Maybe we’re busy with family or we’re swamped with homework
or we have prior commitments. We never drop communication before establishing we’re both
aware that we’re taking.a break and afterwards discuss hoe much time we should spend time
together to encourage a healthy relationship with a balanced connection and autonomy with each
other. It affects how often we talk and for how long, the quality of the conversation and our
perception of our relationship partner. However, above all and beyond, that no distance will ever
make me think our connection is lesser than any physical one we could ever have.

SECTION 1: IDENTIFYING RELATIONAL STAGES

Directions: identify the relational stage (initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding,
differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, terminating) that each of the following
scenarios illustrates; then, explain why you chose this stage.
Example situation: Two friends are discussing whether they have ever used drugs.
Relational stage: Intensifying
Why you chose this stage: The friends have gone beyond “small talk” and are disclosing at a
deeper level that seems to involve trust and the sharing of private information.
Situation 1: Young adult cousins who practically lived at each other’s houses when they
were kids, now seem to have nothing to talk about.
Relational stage:
Circumscribing
Why you chose this stage:
The cousins don’t really have much in common to talk about, and there is limited communication
between them. It sounds like their deep and personal talks have reverted into more shallow kinds
of conversations, such as cliches or facts.
Situation 2: A boss and employee are meeting to discuss the problems they are experiencing
with each other.
Relational stage:
Experimenting

A boss and an employee might not communicate much above pleasantries or shift/job details.
Experimenting is defined as testing to see if something is worth pursuing to the next level, and
this can be taken as communicating to see whether working together will be worth it or not in the
long run by having a deeper conversation than you usually do.
Situation 3: Two classmates who say “hi” and “bye” at the start and end of class, but who
have never really talked beyond that, compare their first assignment and decide to form a
study group.
Relational stage:
Experimenting

They had started initiating with brief greetings, however it seems like they had plateaued at that
stage and never progressed. But now they have established they have something in common and
are determining that the relationship is worth pursuing by forming a study group after
establishing they have interest in each other.
SECTION 2: IDENTIFYING DIALECTICAL TENSIONS

Directions: identify the dialectical tension (connection vs. autonomy, openness vs. privacy,
predictability vs. novelty) that each of the following scenarios illustrates (there will be one of
each); then, explain why you chose this tension.
Situation 1: Patrick and Jon are brothers who have always relied on each other. Patrick
appreciates Jon’s dependability and stability, but he wishes Jon would be more exciting and
less boring.
Dialectical tension:
Predictability versus Novelty
Why you chose this tension:
Patrick clearly has a desire for change in the behavior of Jon, someone he has a familial
relationship with. While he appreciates his dependability and predictability from his stability,
there is a lack of novelty between them, and wishes for novelty in new or exciting behavior from
his brother.
Situation 2: Christina and Nicole are roommates and friends. Christina thinks they should
share everything about themselves, but Nicole is not proud of some of the things she’s done
in the past and is worried about Christina’s judgment.
Openness versus Privacy

The keywords are “share,” “everything,” and “worried.” Nicole and Christina are at a point with
each other where deep conversations begin to take place and relationships begin to properly
develop. Christina would like to use openness with each other to disclose personal information.
Nicole, on the other hand, would seem to appreciate privacy and closeness from certain personal
events and she isn’t comfortable sharing.\
Situation 3: RJ and Mindee have been dating for almost a year. They enjoy each other’s
company, but lately, with the increasing amount of time they’ve been spending together,
they have begun to notice annoying habits that the other has.
Connection versus Autonomy

They spend all their time together, but lack time separate from each other. This seems to be a
developing issue with connection and autonomy because of an unspoken desire for independence
yet they continue to engage in connected behavior. What they need to do is establish a mutually
agreed upon downtime to recharge and maintain other relationships.
Writing Exercise 10
Name _________________________________ Due Date _________________________________

According to your text, intimacy has four dimensions: physical, intellectual, emotional, and shared
activities. Consider a current interpersonal relationship (this could be with a romantic partner, a
friend, or a family member), and describe the dimensions of intimacy that are present in this
relationship, whether all of them are present, or only one or two. Cite specific examples to explain
how your relationship with this person is physically intimate, intellectually intimate, emotionally
intimate, and/or intimate based on shared activities. Are you satisfied with your level of intimacy in
this relationship? Why or why not?
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying which of the four dimensions of intimacy
are present in the relationship; up to 5 points for clearly describing specific examples for each type of
intimacy mentioned; up to 5 points for clearly assessing your level of satisfaction with the relationship
based on intimacy.
Jade is the person who I’ve decided to analyze the types of intimacy I share with. She’s a longtime best
friend whose shared countless memories with me, emotionally charged or not. We have interesting ways
of navigating our friendship through our differences and similarities, so I will be exploring all four
dimensions of intimacy we share together and it’s place in our relationship.
Physically, it’s probably our least used form of intimacy based off of mutual agreement. I’m typically the
one who initiates physical contact as I am a very tactile person, and Jade is not. However, we’ve laid out
our boundaries with each other and free to roam around within our agreements unless otherwise stated.
We hug each other in greeting often, and besides lean on each other, sit beside each other, or hold hands if
its not obvious, we don’t do too many things in public because Jade simply prefers not to. However, in
private, we go in and out of each other’s intimate zones all the time without even realizing it. And if we
aren’t in the intimate zone, then usually some part of us are only a few inches apart or touching. She’ll
indulge me in a lot more, and is even more likely to initiate holding hands or lying down beside me if it’s
a smaller group. While its not the form we use the most often, I wouldn’t say we exactly lack in this field.
While I have the more eccentric and cheerful personality between us, Jade is the more serious and
grounded one and we complement each other nicely. So it might be surprising to say that Jade usually
instigates our more emotionally intimate moments. She doesn’t share her feelings with many people, so
she trusts me with a lot of deep and emotional thoughts and topics. In return, I trust her with my own,
because not only is she trustworthy, I want to show her that the intimacy is reciprocated. We vent often to
each other about emotional struggles we have until the point we cry from frustration or other emotions;
we are far from the types to cry easily as well. We try to advise each other and give an outside perspective
to show our support for each other. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, and sometimes we just let
the other person talk for as long as they need. Jade knows everything about me, and vice versa. We also
tend to often verbally and nonverbally reaffirm each other about how important we are in each other’s
lives , no matter what the situation is. I’m not a very emotional person, but she helps me expand my
comfort zone in sharing and taught me how to trust others. This was the slowest building aspect of our
relationship, but easily the most worth it to wait for.
We bounce all sorts of topics off of each other intellectually. We’ll talk about all sorts of cliches such as
cute clothing or the nice weather, and discuss facts with each other without it seeming stunted or
awkward. On the flip side, it feels like every one of our conversations also delves into our opinions and
feelings as well. She shares private art ideas with me and I share story ideas or concepts with her. This
means a lot to us to discuss because these are things we usually keep private to ourselves, but we like to
talk about them with each other to find inspiration or criticism from the other person. We discuss drawing
and writing techniques often and exchange them, and can spend ours diving deep into different topics
about a book we both recently just read or recommending a TV show, movie, or anime to each other to
enjoy. The last huge topic we usually default to is travel ideas, as we both love the whole process of
traveling. But we’re also the more academic types as well, so we talk a lot about academically intellectual
things as well, such as animals and biology because we both love animals and own pets. A favorite
conversation topic is discussing and debating scientific possibilities, especially in fictional or impossible
scenarios. On a more boring note, we’ll also talk about what we’ll be learning in class that day, what our
hopeful majors are, and what classes we want to take. This is the kind of intimacy we usually use the
most, just because it has so many different layers and we connect so often about exchanging ideas or
coming up with new ones together.
Shared activities was the easiest form of intimacy to achieve with each other. We stared off just hanging
out together, before learning about each other and our hobbies. Now, we incorporate all of our interests
into the activities we do together. We’ll read, write, and draw in each other’s presence in silence and
simply observe and soak in the atmosphere. If we’re unusually energetic for these activities, we’ll teach
each other techniques, discuss plot lines and improvements, or create or find challenges to compete in. If
we’re even less motivated than usual, we’ll even just spend time together on our phones besides each
other or take a nap, which I find to be just as bond-maintaining as going on a hike or swimming at the
beach. We also do those together. If we’re busy, we may stop to get lunch together to spend time together.
If we have more time, we like to engage in games: video games, card games, and other tabletop are just as
entertaining options to do. Finally, she’s the athletic type: she loves swimming and waterpolo. I, on the
other hand, am more of a martial artist but due to extensive physical injuries, I am unable to play any
form of sports— even yoga is off the table for me. But even though I can’t play with her, I often attend
games and watch her play waterpolo. Different sides of the sport we both participate in together as a
player and a spectator. This was the fastest one to bloom, and has not wavered since its steady growth.
I’m more than satisfied with our level of intimacy, because she’s one of my best and longest friends.
We’re intimate in everyone way besides romantically or sexually, and someone I could imagine
platonically living the rest of my life with. We’ve fought tooth and nail to reach the level of intimacy and
comfort we’ve achieved, and we’ll only grow to learn more about each other as time passes. Physically,
we have found a middle ground of both of our comfort levels and it is relieving to know that, and I am
happy staying where we are until her boundaries shift again. As someone who loves touch from her close
friends and loved ones, I’m more than comfortable to let her take the reins in that aspect of our friendship.
Emotionally, it’s easily to be vulnerable around each other. It’s easy to let my guard down around her and
accept her emotions and come to terms with my own. I’m satisfied with our emotional intimacy because
we’ve shared everything we want to share with each other: we won’t force each other to talk if we don’t
want to, and personal secrets don’t bother us either. We use every kind of communication layer when
intellectually intimate with each other, and can find something to talk about with any topic we’re given or
come up with. I’m satisfied with our conversations and how we engage our thoughts and opinions with
each other in a traditionally or non-conventionally intellectual method or topic. Even though it feels like
we’ve talked about everything, we find ourselves in unique and stimulating conversations every day, or at
least every time we see each other. Us having so many hobbies and interests in common make it easy to
engage in shared activities, and I’m satisfied with the time we spend together and how well it is used. I’m
happy with how we’ve decided to spend our time together and do even the simplest of tasks together in
each other’s company. Jade is probably the person I am most intimate with in my life, although I have
others close to that level, we’re like two sides of the same coin: totally different but still close as can be,
and I can’t be any happier about that.
SECTION 1: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE STRATEGIES

Purpose: to identify and understand the importance of using strategic behaviors for relational
maintenance.
Directions: read the hypothetical situation below; then explain how one or both characters could use
each of the five relational maintenance strategies (positivity, openness, assurances, social networks,
sharing tasks) to improve this situation and maintain their relationship.
SITUATION: Since moving away from her childhood home to attend college, Malia has been feeling
neglected by her mom. Malia feels that her mom rarely calls her, and when she does call, she always
sounds rushed. Malia thinks her mom is also too busy running errands and taking care of her younger
brother to make time for her. Malia wants to let her mom know that she wants her to make more of an
effort to call her and visit her, without sounding too needy or like she can’t take care of herself. Malia
recognizes that she has her own life away from her mom, but she still wants to maintain the close
relationship they had before Malia started college.
Positivity:
She should tell her mom in a kind manner about whats happening, and her mom can minimize a defensive
reaction to listen to her. Instead of outright accusing her of neglect or not loving her daughter, she should
try to look beyond herself and think about other outside factors instead of being a downer about it.
Approaching her mother with a positive attitude rather than a sullen and pessimistic one is far more
preferable, and might make it easier for her mom to come up with a response.
Openness:
Malia needs to be more open about her feelings about the lack of communication. Nothing will get done if
she stays quiet about it, and the more her mother is aware of her feelings, the sooner the tension will end
between the two. This is a common dialectical tension and prevents deep communication about feelings
and thoughts.
Assurances:
Mom needs to give assurances verbally, or call more or come and visit Malia. If clearly expressed, Malia
is upset over the apparent lack of communication from her mother even though Malia is off at a far away
college without an immediate support system there. It could be expressed as sending a text or a picture
instead of a call to show Malia that she’s thinking about her. Her mom could also physically fly herself
out to see Malia, or have Malia fly out to see her. Show Malia that a phone call isn’t the only way to show
someone that you’re thinking of them or that you matter to them.
Social networks:
Both of them could most definite make a better use of their friends and family groups. Malia should get
friends and surrounding herself with other people to alleviate loneliness or to distract herself from a phone
call. Her mom, on the other hand, could reach out to family and friends about advice and personal
experiences with children going off to college and how they maintained their relationships.
Sharing tasks: Malia overlooks many things on this front. Malia could help her mom out by being the
one to call first in case her mother forgets, or going to visit her mom during her breaks and help her mom
with chores, housework, or with siblings so her mom could have more time to spend with her.
SECTION 2: LOVE LANGUAGES
Purpose: to identify the various ways relational partners express their love.
Directions: for each situation below, identify the love language (words of affirmation, quality time,
gifts, acts of service, physical touch) utilized (there will be ONE of each); then explain why that love
language applies (be sure to emphasize how the characters’ behaviors communicative love, value,
affection, etc.).
Tristan is careful to make eye contact with his wife when they communicate. He also stops whatever
he is doing if she comes to him with a problem, and gives her his full attention.
Identify and explain love language used:
Tristan uses quality time because he is showing signs that he values her, her feelings, and her thoughts.
Eye contact shows that she is his top priority because he isn’t looking somewhere else and becoming
distracted, and is willing to give full thought and attention to whatever is bothering her.
Kelsey becomes easily hurt and offended when others forget her birthday, since she is always
prepared for other people’s special days.
Receiving gifts is the love language Kelsey uses with those she maintains a relationship with. If she’s
prepared for other people’s birthdays and special events, she’s giving gifts to others and thinking about
others constantly to make sure they recognize that they are loved by the gifts she gives. On the other side
of the spectrum, Kelsey must also enjoy receiving gifts from others judging by her reaction. For someone
who expresses love by giving gifts, not receiving any must feel like a lack of love to her, leading to easily
hurt and offended feelings.
Kyle appreciates that his partner does the laundry and washes the dishes because he hates laundry
and dishes. To compensate, he does most of the cooking and takes care of the yard work.
Kyle uses Acts of Service to show his love to his partner, and his partner uses some of it too. Being aware
that Kyle does not like doing these chores or these aspects of housekeeping, his partner does it for him.
Meanwhile, he covers other long and/or strenuous or tedious chores as well. Acts of Service means you
do something for the other person, especially if it actively, positively benefits the recipient.
Mandy likes to leave little notes all over the house for her boyfriend to find. She is very happy when
he comments on her thoughtfulness, and becomes upset if he doesn’t say anything.
Leaving notes would be a good display of Words of Affirmation; Mandy is leaving reminders and notes
for her boyfriend to read so she can communicate her love to him. She likes receiving words of
affirmation in return, when he acknowledges he understands her love, and sends some back in terms of
thanking her and making sure she knows he appreciates her efforts. Her anger if her efforts and love
language are not mentioned or are dismissed, that he isn’t showing her he loves her in her language.
Jasmine feels like she doesn’t really know the right words to say when people experience hardships,
such as a family death, loss of a job, or a bad grade in school. She prefers to use nonverbal
communication, such as squeezing the other person’s shoulder, rubbing the other person’s back, or
offering a hug.
Of the five love languages, physical touch requires the least words and is about nonverbal displays. While
Jasmine may struggle to communicate her love and support verbally, she is able to carry the message
across with physical behaviors. Her struggle with finding the right words in an emotionally driven
situation make physical touch an ideal method for showing others she loves them.
Writing Exercise 11
Name _________________________________ Due Date _________________________________

Describe one of your import ant relationships in terms of its communication climate (i.e., is the
climate generally positive or negative?). Identify the factors contributing to the overall climate in
this relationship by explaining some of the specific confirming (if climate is positive) or
disconfirming (if climate is negative) behaviors in this relationship that led to your overall
assessment of the climate.
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying the nature (positive, negative, or both) of
the climate in this relationship; up to 10 points for identifying and explaining the specific confirming
and/or disconfirming behaviors contributing the overall communication climate.
Between my mom and I we generally try to maintain a positive climate, but there are occasions when
something more negative builds between us due to different circumstances. We practice recognition by
basic communication with each other, mostly over text or when we can’t physically see each other. For
example, I’ll text her when I get back safe from driving somewhere or when I arrive somewhere after
leaving the house. She appreciates the recognition because she tends to worry about my safety a lot.
Reversely, she texts me if she leaves the house before I wake up or if I am preoccupied and not in a place
where I will notice or see that she left the house. Sometimes we will send each other pictures and videos
we think the other would enjoy to let the other person know you’re thinking about them at the very least.
Another act of recognition we do with each other is that we always greet each other when the other gets
home without fail, no matter how busy we are. Not only is it a part of Japanese culture to do so, but my
mom has expressed she feels hurt if I do not do so. So now I make an effort to make that recognition for
her to help maintain a more positive atmosphere on a basic level.
A little bit higher on the scale, acknowledgement may be our most commonly expressed confirming
behavior. Not quite as emotionally intense as endorsement, but it’s beyond acknowledging the other
person’s existence. In the privacy of our own home, we’re always hugging each other or holding hands or
leaning on one another. She initiates most of the physical aspect of acknowledgment, trying to convince
me to take a nap or leaning on me because she craves attention and is lonely. Verbally, our conversations
tend to roam all over the place and we often jump from topic to topic that we both know about each other
beyond surface level. A form of conversation we have often is ranting: we just go off about both minor
and major inconveniences and/or grievances. To help maintain positivity between us, we prove that we
trust each other and frequently engage in rants that allow us to express secrecy and trustworthiness.
Nonverbally, we lend a mindfully listening ear that listens diligently to each other, make eye contact, and
portray ourselves as genuinely interested and excited. We’ll cook with each other and do favor for one
another. It’s the little, everyday things we do for each other to acknowledge each other’s thoughts,
feelings, and existence.
Not as frequently done yet still present for maintaining a positive atmosphere is the positive confirmer of
endorsement. To go beyond just the basic necessities of maintaining friendliness between us, we establish
our relationship by always being there for the other person. If the other person asks for it, we’ll give each
other advice from what we’ve heard from the other person. Not only does it prove that we were listening
to the other person, but that it was mindful listening and we are engaging back with that knowledge in a
meaningful way. Another example of how we reach endorsement is that we support each other no matter
what the other person does. My mom and I take each others sides, we listen and agree with each other,
and defend each other in arguments or other disagreements. We take steps to ensure that the other person
is aware of our support, and we’re always willing to lend a hand for the other person. All of the above
behaviors on any level, whether it be recognition or acknowledgment or endorsement are all positive
confirming messages because they’re the kinds of things that make you feel at ease with the other person
in the relationship. And its through constant repetition of these behaviors that I come to expect from my
mom and vice versa that has built and maintained positivity in our atmosphere even when we hit our
rough patches because of the consistency in which the other person feels that their time and feelings are
valued by the other person. We definitely feel at our closest and happiest when we’re agreeing with each
other over something else the other person has ranted about earlier. Maintaining a mostly positive climate
with her has made our relationship vastly more easy to navigate and engage in our relationship.
On the other hand however, we will hit our bad patches like with any other realistically maintained
relationship. Primarily after an argument, there will be a handful of negative responses before we follow
up with an excess of positive confirming behaviors for damage control and as an unspoken promise that
we will still do our part to keep our positive climate going. However, these moments still occur between
us and deserve to be documented. Although they happen less frequently, it’s easier to remember exact
behaviors the other person engages in because of how jarring a negative message is after receiving mostly
positive ones. Negatively, we’ll both participate in impervious, ambiguous, and incongruous responses
that all affect the relationship differently. We both play an equal role in the creation of a more negative
environment, and we both put in an equal amount of effort to repair any damage. The least offensive
between us are the ambiguous responses because the Japanese culture occasionally uses ambiguity as a
way of agreeing without fully conforming to the other person’s ideas. Either way, it can still be irritating
but not exactly relationship damaging between us. Sometimes she’ll answer yes or no exclusively to pleas
for explanations or just completely the wrong kinds of questions all together, which usually leads to me
asking if she’s paying attention or not. For example, an interaction we had the other day was “where
should I put the flowers in the vase?” and she replied with “there.” On my part, I may brush her questions
off with statements like “yeah, I’ll do it later”, “yeah hold on” or “just a minute.” While it bothers both of
us, we don’t view it as something worth ruining a relationship for.
The median offense of the three are impervious responses, and is almost always intentional unless we
catch the other person watching a tv show. When she’s angry, she’ll ignore me intentionally so if I notice
her ignoring me, usually I back off and leave her alone until she approaches me. Despite how much this
behavior seems childish to me, I would rather not provoke her and wait for her to approach me so we can
sit down and talk about what lead to the impervious responses in the first place. When I’m angry though, I
lock myself in my room and don’t answer anyone while I try to focus on something. This bothers her
more than it bothers me, because she’ll begin to start persistently asking questions pertaining to my mood
and I won’t be in the mood or mindset to respond so I’ll just ignore her. The lead-up to the de-escalating
conversation is a tad more explosive, but I am still able to convey what made me choose to act on these
behaviors.
Finally, the worst offender of the three negative confirming questions between us are the incongruous
responses. This time, we both do the irritating incongruous responses which possibly just make it worse.
We’re fully aware that our nonverbal and verbal behaviors are incongruent but we answer that way on
purpose to inflict the same negative emotions we’re feeling right now. The most frequently used
incongruous response is dramatic sighing, rolling our eyes, crossing our arms and pouting, or any other
combination of actions associated with pettiness and say “fine,” or “that’s fine,” or “everything’s okay.”
These tend to lead to arguments between us where we just have to hash out what happened and why that
behavior is so irritating to the other person.
In the end, if I were to rate a ratio between my mom and I’s confirming and disconfirming messages
leading to positive or negative climates, I would say it’s 8 confirming messages for every disconfirming
message. There is a vast way we choose to display and maintain our positive climate, and there are
occasional potential negative build ups, but what kind of soft and fluffy cloud doesn’t spark occasionally?

SECTION 1: YOUR DEFENSIVE RESPONSES TO CRITICISM

Purpose: to identify your typical defensive responses to criticism and their likely consequences.
Directions: read the following critical message situations, and for each, describe the person likely to
deliver the message, the typical content of that message, your typical verbal response(s), the general
type(s) of your response(s) (attacking, distorting, and/or avoiding), the part of your presenting self
being defended, and the probable consequences of your response.
Example critical message: A negative comment about your time management.

Person likely to deliver this critical message: my parent.
Typical content of critical message: I’m wasting my time watching TV when I should be studying.
Your typical defensive response(s): “Get off my back! I work hard, and I need to relax sometimes!”
“I’ll study later, I have plenty of time.”
General type(s) of defensive response(s): attacking, distorting.
Part of your presenting self being defended: good student, hard worker.
Probable consequences of your defensive response: uncomfortable silence, more criticism from
parents in the future.
Critical message 1: Negative comment about your spending or managing money.
Person likely to deliver this critical message:

My friend
Typical content of critical message:

“You need to not waste so much, jeez!”
Your typical defensive response(s):

“Well usually I seem to be covering someone when they don’t have any money, so it’s rarely my fault I’m
using my money.”
General type(s) of defensive response(s):

Attacking the critic
Part of your presenting self being defended:

Good spender, good decision making
Probable consequences of your defensive response:

Escalate the situation into an argument after insinuating that I spend money because its the other person’s fault.
 
Critical message 2: Negative comment about a job you’ve just completed or your schoolwork.
Person likely to deliver this critical message:

A teacher
Typical content of critical message:

“It’s disappointing because I know you can do better than this.
Your typical defensive response(s):

Avoiding the critic
General type(s) of defensive response(s):

Not talk to the teacher for a few days, studying hard when I come in the teacher’s field of vision to avoid
eye contact, and avoid any situation where it would be that teacher and I alone.
Part of your presenting self being defended:

That I can do better, that I’m a good student, and I won’t argue the teacher if she’s right
Probable consequences of your defensive response:

I’ll be very hurt later on and end up bottling up negative feelings for that person and not
confronting my emotions in a healthy way.
SECTION 2: YOUR NON-DEFENSIVE RESPONSES TO CRITICISM

Purpose: to identify non-defensive responses to criticism you might face.
Directions: read the following critical messages, and for each situation, write a non-defensive response
that you could use that follows the guidelines of “seeking more information” or “agreeing with the
critic.”
Example critical message: “You’ve been late to work this week! Who do you think you are that you can
come wandering in after the rest of us are already working?”
Non-defensive response (seek more information): “Could you please tell me why it is that my
tardiness affects you and the rest of the office staff?”
Non-defensive response (agree with the critic): “Yes, I have been five minutes late a couple of days
this week.”
Critical message 1: “Your place is such a mess! Don’t you care how this looks to other people?”
Non-defensive response (seek more information):

“What part of it is messy to you? Do you have any advice on what to clean?”
Non-defensive response (agree with the critic):

“Haha, yeah, I know it is.”
Critical message 2: “You need to start exercising and eating healthier.”
Non-defensive response (seek more information):

“Which one of those two do you think I should prioritize
Non-defensive response (agree with the critic):

“Alright! Maybe you could to accompany me to the gym then?”
Writing Exercise 12
Name ______________________________ Due Date _______________________________

Discuss a recent interpersonal conflict that you’ve been involved in with another person by
explaining how this conflict meets at least two of the elements of the definition of a conflict
as described in your text (i.e., expressed struggle, interdependence, incompatible goals,
scarce resources, interference from other person).
Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly explaining your conflict situation; up to 5

points for clearly describing the first element of the definition of conflict in this situation; up
to 5 points for clearly describing the second element of the definition of conflict in this
situation.
Within the last couple of weeks, my father and I have found ourselves in a conflict about my
plans for one of my Friday night plans: I wanted to sleepover at my friend’s house with a group
of other girls I had not seen in a while. Excited by the prospect of going, I asked my dad on
Thursday night if I could go. I don’t usually do anything with my friends overnight, so typically
on the occasion that I do ask, I get a ‘yes’ and the plans are set and done. However, this time it
was a little different. He said no. Upon asking why for clarification, he told me that he had
wanted to do a family clean-up day on Saturday and then go to the beach in the afternoon. So
after a bit of questioning and arguing, we decided to sit down and come to a compromise: I
would come home the next morning from the sleepover and help do the clean-up, and we could
do the beach on Sunday because he didn’t want to clean on Sunday.
I think the expressed struggle and the interference kind of came hand-in-hand in our situation.
We were both aware the other person didn’t think that our goals fit within theirs after discussing
and tried to stop the other person from getting their goal. If I went to the sleepover, we couldn’t
follow my dad’s plan’s for the morning, so he told me I couldn’t go to my friend’s house. I didn’t
want to clean and I wanted to spend time with my girls so I went to my mom to make her take
my side. We were aware of the expressed struggle as soon as we verbally complained about the
other’s goal, then proceeded to fight over it. The interference came in the forms of us directly
stopping the other person and reaching for outside help respectively.
The conflict also contained interdependence, because I needed my dad’s permission to go to the
sleepover and he needed my help to clean in the morning. If I just took the car and went, I could
have driving privileges revoked. On the other hand, my mom and my dad would need my help to
clean because our house was in a state of complete disarray and it would take all day for them to
clean by themselves. At first, our approach to the conflict was to try and make the other person
budge in a competition, before realizing that a compromise would tackle the interdependence
aspect of our conflict.
The incompatible goals had me in two different locations in the times that two different events
would occur. The way the conflict was initially handled and structured someone would have to
lose their goal because there was no way I could be at my friend’s house and clean in the
morning with enough time to go to the beach in the afternoon. The perceived incompatibility was
only escalated by my dad becoming a little heated about the argument, and I was upset enough to
follow suit. Between our goals, time was the scarce resource for both of us, and in my dad’s case,
helping hands and contributions also. During the conflict, he was adamant about going to the
beach, and in order to make it to the beach while it was nice we would have to start cleaning
early, but I wanted to spend time with people I hadn’t seen in a while. However, that was handled
when we compromised going to the beach on Sunday and me coming back early to help clean on
Saturday morning.
SECTION 1: ANALYZING CONFLICT STYLES

Purpose: to identify and assess different ways of handling a conflict.
Directions: read the following conflict situations; choose and indicate (by placing a
checkmark in the appropriate box) ONE option to analyze, and for this situation, describe how
you could manage the conflict using each of the five individual conflict styles; then, discuss
which style you think would be most effective in this situation.
❑ Option 1: Your mom expects you to spend Thanksgiving with your entire extended
family. You want to get away for the Thanksgiving break and do something different
with your group of friends.
❑ Option 2: A friend sitting next to you at a ballgame is rooting for the opposing team.
He/she toots a loud horn every time his/her team makes any progress. The noise is
ruining your enjoyment of the game.
❑ Option 3: This morning, you asked your roommate to stop by the store and pick up
food for a party you both are having at your house tonight. Your roommate arrives
home this afternoon without the food.
❑ Option 4: You and your coworker share a workspace and computer, and you are
both responsible for the same amount and type of work. Your coworker arrives at
the office earlier than you and stays on the computer for several hours, then begins
his/her non-computer work. You would be able to work more efficiently if you had
some time on the computer earlier in the day.
❑ Option 5: You and your partner have to make a decision about your child’s
schooling. You believe strongly in supporting public schools. Your partner believes
he/she didn’t get a good education at a public school, and that since you can afford
to, you should send your child to a private school.
Avoiding:
My partner and I ignore the conflict, and by the time we go to decide we missed school
enrollment and we end up having to wait a year until we can enroll our child in kindergarten.
Accommodating:
I give into my partner because their thoughts and feelings are important to me, and we enroll our
child in a private school. Another reason for accommodating is that I want to stop the conflict
and my partner handles conflicts competitively.
Competing:
Having a debate in front of our families, and have the family vote on an outcome to see whose
idea of education for our child is better, and we go by the winner’s choice. If I win, our child
goes to public school. If my partner wins, then our child will attend a private school.
Compromising:
Homeschool our child; neither extreme gets picked, and we can customize our child’s education
to our liking as long as it is within educational standards
Collaborating:
Send our child to a charter school, where it is a public-private school and really gets the best of
both worlds. It isn’t a complete public or private school and doesn’t cost nearly as much money.
Style that would be most effective and why:

I think collaborating would be most effective in this situation, because we can fulfill our criteria
for public or private schools while still giving our child a diversity of kids to play with and meet
while still attending a school with rigorous coursework and higher standards than the average
public school.
SECTION 2: ANALYZING A CONFLICT SITUATION

involved in effective conflict management.
SITUATION: Cody and Drew have been roommates for two years, and they have had very few
problems. But this semester, Cody has a difficult and early class schedule, and he has also
taken on more hours at work to pay for tuition and rent. Drew’s parents support him
financially, and he has a very light class schedule this semester. Cody and Drew’s friends
continue to come to their place to hang out and party, and Drew is irritated with Cody because
he’s always studying or working and is very boring all of a sudden. Cody thinks Drew is
spoiled and often insensitive to his needs for peace and quiet. Neither Cody nor Drew has said
anything about their feelings yet.
Do you think Cody and Drew should bring their issues out in the open? Would discussing
this conflict be beneficial or harmful to their relationship? Explain your thoughts.
I think it would be beneficial to bring their issues out into the open to better the chances of
coming to an understanding with one another. It could also prevent an explosion of bottled
feelings, and avoid a more negative climate from building in the future. Them being roommates
for so long prior to this shows that they have a good relationship outside of habits and tendencies
that have developed recently. This could also give them an outlet to discuss anything else in their
relationship they would like to disclose.
What are the incompatible goals of Cody and Drew in this situation? As such, which
conflict style do you think would work best in this situation? Why?
Cody has a very loaded schedule with a lot of personal and financial burdens resting on his
shoulders, while Drew has little complications and a full support system if something doesn’t go
right for him. I think a collaboration from Drew would be best for their relationship as he doesn’t
have much to lose in comparison to Cody. It wouldn’t be hard for Drew to hang out or party
elsewhere or spend time with other people, and Cody could have a quiet and peaceful place to
study and rest between shifts and classes. If he does well this semester, he could get an easier
next semester and have more time and energy to spend.
Explain how Cody and Drew could use collaborating (win-win conflict management) to
resolve their conflict.
Using win-win conflict management, if they chose a date to sit down and talk and their issues
and problems leading to the conflict, they could come to an understanding with each other after
considering their partner’s status. During negotiations, they could come to an agreement where
Drew can still have fun at other people’s houses and spend time with Cody during meals or
between classes if there’s time. Cody on the other hand, can have his study and rest time at his
own place and focus on his work to get himself to a better place.

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Writing Exercise 1

Name Amelia-Grace Ugrinich Due Date January 17th, 2018 Thursday

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

Grading information: up to 5 points for clearly identifying your satisfaction level; up to 10

SECTION 1: ANALYZING AN INTERPERSONAL SITUATION

SECTION 2: COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVENESS

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

SECTION 1: MEDIATED COMMUNICATION CHANNELS

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

PART II: CONTENT & APPLICATION (20 points)

SECTION 1: PERCEIVED SELF VS. PRESENTING SELF

IDENTIFY ELEMENTS OF YOUR SELF-CONCEPT

What cultural or ethnic descriptors are relevant to you?

How would you describe your personality?

What gender or sexual-orientation words describe you?

How would you describe your social behaviors?

What moods or feelings best characterize you?

How would you describe your physical condition or appearance?

What talents do you possess or lack?

How would you describe your intellectual capacity?

What beliefs do you hold strongly?

What social roles are most important in your life ?

IDENTIFY YOUR “TOP 3”

_ _ _ CURIOUS _ _ _ _ _ _ SCATTERED _ _ _ _ _ _WRITER _ _ _

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

PART II: CONTENT & APPLICATION (20 points)

SECTION 1: OBSERVING BEHAVIOR AND MAKING INTERPRETATIONS

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

SECTION 1: EMOTION COMPONENTS

SECTION 2: EFFECTIVE EMOTION EXPRESSION

Ineffective Feeling Statement 1: “You make me so mad.”

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

I have many, many names. More than I think most do.

SECTION 1: SEMANTIC MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Example Statement: “I’m so hot!”

Statement 1: “Give me a small piece of cake, please.”

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

PART II: CONTENT & APPLICATION (20 points)

SECTION 1: HOW WOULD YOU…NONVERBALLY?

Example situation: Your verbal response: Your nonverbal Congruent,

Situation: Your verbal response: Your nonverbal Congruent,

Your classmate asks you

Your friend ditched you

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

That was not the response she wanted.

SECTION 1: ANALYZING YOUR OWN LISTENING

What do you think you could or need to do to improve your listening?

SECTION 2: APPLYING LISTENING CONCEPTS TO AN INTERPERSONAL

Generally speaking, why would Sarah NOT listen effectively to Lauren?

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

PART II: CONTENT & APPLICATION (20 points)

SECTION 1: IDENTIFYING RELATIONAL STAGES

Why you chose this stage:

Why you chose this stage:

SECTION 2: IDENTIFYING DIALECTICAL TENSIONS

Why you chose this tension:

Why you chose this tension:

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

SECTION 1: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE STRATEGIES

PART I: JOURNAL ENTRY (15 points)

PART II: CONTENT & APPLICATION (20 points)

SECTION 1: YOUR DEFENSIVE RESPONSES TO CRITICISM