EXIT WOUND

by
Bethany Dickens

Characters:
Matthew, M, 20s-30s
James, M, 20s-30s
Gareth, M, 20s-30s
Ellie, F, 20s-40s
Dean Ferris, M, 40s-60s
Dean Ferris’ Assistant, M/F, any age
 Exit Wound - 1

ACT I

SCENE 1

(Interior of JAMES LLOYD’s attic apartment in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington,

DC) (The setup is simple and the ceiling is low) (the place is spartan and what few items exist
are clean and high-quality, if a bit shabby) (the bed is separated from the rest of the room by a
curtain) (there is a front door and a door leading to the bathroom/closet)

(AT RISE: JAMES is standing at his mirror, wearing underclothes) (there is an ankle monitor
attached to his leg) (he stares at his reflection, paces, and stares again)

JAMES
I’m sorry.

(beat)

I’m very sorry.

(paces)

Look. I know it was wrong, but the thing is. You see, the thing is. The thing is, I -

(beat)

No. Damn it. I accept responsibility. Full responsibility.

(beat)

I accept responsibility. For my actions.

(beat)

It was wrong. So very, deeply wrong. And I am very deeply sorry. Truly, deeply, honestly.
That’s not right.

(pacing) I take full responsibility for my actions, I know when I did was wrong. And I am sorry.
No-one is sorry than I am. No-one feels guiltier than I do.
 Exit Wound - 2

(JAMES; cont’d)

But the thing is -

(loud knocking)

MATTHEW
(from the other side of the door)
James! Are you in there?

JAMES
(mouths)
Matthew?

MATTHEW
It’s just me, Matthew. (pause) I guess you might know a lot of Matthews. This the brother one. I
mean, the sort-of brother one. You remember. I don’t know - I have seasonal allergies?
Regrettable ear piercings? Is any of this ringing a bell?

JAMES
(mouths)
Shit!

(As Matthew talks, he rushes around the room, straightening things and putting on clothes) (He
almost opens the door when he realizes his ankle monitor is visible) (he tries tugging down his
sweatpants and settles for tying a dish towel around his ankle)

MATTHEW
Look, I know it’s been a while. Okay? So if you want to call me an asshole, call me an asshole.
That’s fair. And when you say that, I’ll probably just ask, ‘but how long has it been - really?’
And you being so smart, and remembering things, will say...four months? Crap. So I’ll say crap.
But then I’ll remind you that it’s a really, really long way from Bethesda to Georgetown, not just
geographically but also theoretically and emotionally. And you’ll ask what that’s supposed to
mean, and I’ll have to think fast and say: because I have to parallel park. Which sucks, and I suck
at it. To which you will say that parallel parking should never come between brothers and I’ll
reply that you’ve never seen me parallel park, and by the way which one of your neighbors
drives the Honda Spark because I definitely just scratched their bumper. And you will get testy,
but I will then say -

(door swings open)

 Exit Wound - 3

(MATTHEW; cont’d)
Oh hey. What’s going on?

JAMES
What do you want? Quickly, I’m busy.

MATTHEW
What time is it?

JAMES
You came to ask the time?

MATTHEW
No. I’m just kind of wondering how drunk I still am. What’s the half-life of bourbon?

JAMES
Matthew, if you came because you want something, please get to the point -

MATTHEW
I will! And I do. Want something. I promise.

JAMES
What it is? Quickly.

MATTHEW
Yes. The answer to a question. The most important question of all.

(he gets down on one knee)

JAMES
Well, this should be interesting.

MATTHEW
James Lloyd. There’s something I really must know. Something only you can tell me. Are you
wearing an ankle monitor underneath that dish towel?

(as he makes a grab for the towel, James pulls away)

 Exit Wound - 4

JAMES
No.

MATTHEW
Liar.

JAMES
Anything else you need? Otherwise -

(Matthews lunges forward and rips off the dish towel, causing James to trip)

Fine! Happy? Don’t touch it - it beeps sometimes. I haven’t figured out why.

MATTHEW
What happened? Why didn’t you call me?

JAMES
Because, frankly, it’s none of your business.

MATTHEW
Yes, it is, don’t give me that. I’m your brother.

JAMES
In no respect are you my actual brother. And I happen to be very busy just now, trying to put my
world back together. I can’t take you on, on top of everything.

MATTHEW
But I’m going to help! I’m going to help you, even though everything you just said was sort of
mean.

JAMES
That’s nice of you. But no. I don’t want your help, please just go. I will be fine. You don’t have
to worry about me, not anymore.

MATTHEW
Look, look. I know I haven’t been around. The way I would like to. But let me help, and - and -
you don’t have to tell me anything. Not if you don’t want to.

(beat)
 Exit Wound - 5

JAMES
Who told you? About the ankle monitor?

MATTHEW
Gareth told me.

JAMES
And how does he know?

MATTHEW
Shit, I have no idea. I think he just likes being a judgemental pest so much, he can sense when
we’re in trouble. Like a prick’s version of the The Force - there’s a disturbance, and he just
knows. He’s on his way. That’s why I came over, actually, to warn you.

JAMES
Gareth? He’s coming here?

MATTHEW
Yeah. And he’s definitely going to bring up the fact that you didn’t go to his graduation.

JAMES
Six years ago?

MATTHEW
And ready yourself for worse. For the purposes of leveling massive amount of guilt, Gareth is
capable of going back ten Christmases, twenty birthdays, his botched engagement party - which,
of course, lead to his botched wedding, which he probably won’t bring up - and last year’s
birthday party for his poodle, Daisy.

JAMES
His poodle.

MATTHEW
Yes. Daisy. She pees when you look at her.

JAMES
Right.
 Exit Wound - 6

MATTHEW
But honestly that was one of his better parties. Did you know for his graduation, Gareth’s catered
from Minerva’s? And so there was all this food left over. Because, you know, Gareth’s a prick
and so no-one came. His girlfriend kept saying all these funny things like - “Wow! The caterer
overdid it, I think they gave us too much!” To try and make Gareth feel better.

JAMES
(looking at the clock)
You know, that’s really too bad, but -

MATTHEW
Not really, I got teriyaki chicken skewers for a week. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But by the
end - oh God. I didn’t have a bowel movement for two weeks. Honestly, James, I thought I was
going to die. Like if I stepped in water, my esophagus would sink me.

JAMES
Well, that’s a nice image -

MATTHEW
That’s how it felt! But still, I kept eating, and it was so worth it. Every time Gareth saw me
nibbling, he would remember his stupid party and turn beet red. I knew he was seething
underneath, I can always tell what Gareth is feeling. Writer’s sensitivity.

JAMES
Writer’s what?

MATTHEW
I’m very sympathetic, with a rarified understanding of human feelings. The Bulletin of the
Center for Children’s books said so in their last review.

JAMES
Hm. Actually, there might be one thing you could help me with -

MATTHEW
Yes!

JAMES
But there’s a house rule. You need to relax.
 Exit Wound - 7

MATTHEW
Totally. Totally relaxed.

JAMES
I mean it. You have this - this - weird anxiety thing that you do, whenever you try to help me
with anything. It’s bizarre. And it makes me nervous. And frankly, I’m exhausted and tired - so
tired of everything -

(Matthew starts to give him a hug)

I don’t want a hug.

MATTHEW
Yes you do. It’ll help us both relax.

JAMES
I’m not the one…(frustrated groan as Matthew squeezes him)

MATTHEW
(releasing him)
Well, I feel better now. This whole thing has gotten me really worked up.

JAMES
(sits)
I can only imagine. If you want to help, there is something you can do.

MATTHEW
(sits)
Yes, yes. Whatever you need. (puts his hand on James’ knee; trying to be comforting) I’m here
to listen, and to help you in whatever way I can.

JAMES
Please take your hand off my knee.

MATTHEW
Damn it - sorry. Force of habit.

JAMES
I need you to - wait, what? Force of habit? Do you do that with other people?
 Exit Wound - 8

MATTHEW
Do what?

JAMES
That.

MATTHEW
What?

(James sighs and puts Matthew’s hand back on his knee)

JAMES
That. It’s creepy.

MATTHEW
(reaching up to put his hand on James’ cheek)
Sorry. How’s this?

JAMES
(slapping his hand away)
Hey. Be serious: I need you to look straight into my eyes and tell me if you think I’m lying.

MATTHEW
(staring at him with intensity)
I watched a show about this. If you look to the right, it means you’re lying. Or the left. Or
something.

JAMES
Matthew, don’t overthink it. Relax. Just look into my eyes.

(Matthew starts to laugh)

Stop laughing.

MATTHEW
It just feels so gay. (beat) Oh. Sorry. No offense.
 Exit Wound - 9

JAMES
It’s fine. Just look at me. (takes a deep breath) Ma’am, I am very sorry about the -

(Matthew cracks up)

What! What?

MATTHEW
Ma’am?

JAMES
The judge is a woman.

MATTHEW
The judge is a woman?

JAMES
Judges can be women. Sexist.

MATTHEW
Got it. No, that’s totally fine. I’m fine now.

JAMES
Promise?

MATTHEW
Promise.

JAMES
Ma’am, I am very sorry about the events that took place on Saturday, May the Eleventh, and I
regret my part in them immeasurably.

MATTHEW
I certainly hope so. But I still sentence you to death.

JAMES
Very funny. Did you believe me? Did I seem sincere?
 Exit Wound - 10

MATTHEW
James. I have known you for the better part of ten years. Right? I have never seen you sorry or
sad or any of that. You always just seem sort of, like, I don’t know: a gay prick.

JAMES
Matthew. Tell me. Did I seem contrite?

(beat)

MATTHEW
Gareth’s actually not a bad lawyer -

JAMES
(standing)
So that’s a no...Jesus…

MATTHEW
Hey, hey! Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain - bad monk.

JAMES
I’m not a monk. And I’ll never be a priest, not at this rate.

MATTHEW
They’re not going to let you to do the ordination-thing?

JAMES
Matthew. They’re thinking of throwing me out of seminary.

MATTHEW
Oh, now you have to tell me. What did you get bagged for? I say, if it’s really bad, throw
yourself at the mercy of the court.

JAMES
I’m not taking legal advice from a man who still says ‘bagged.’ I thought we agreed to lose our
accents.

MATTHEW
I almost did, but mine sneaks up on me sometimes. Speaking of things we agreed we’d lose, my
agent made me quit smoking so, while I’m here, can you help me out?
 Exit Wound - 11

JAMES
Drawer next to the sink.

(knock on the door)

Is that Gareth? That was fast.

MATTHEW
The Force is strong with him.

JAMES
(under his breath; going to open the door)
I really don’t have time for this. I don’t, I can’t. Shit.

(Opens the door and Gareth enters)

GARETH
Hey! Hey Jimmy. How’s it going?

JAMES
It’s fine. Hey.

GARETH
Right. Well. (pause) I heard what happened. How are you doing, by the way?

JAMES
Um. It’s fine.

GARETH
Yeah, okay, I’m glad to hear that. I don’t want to pry or get into your business, but one of my
friends from law school said you were in legal trouble?

JAMES
Oh, yeah.

GARETH
Of some kind? So yeah, I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d check in. See if I can give you
any advice. I’m here for you, Jimmy, you know that right?
 Exit Wound - 12

JAMES
Sure.

(beat)

GARETH
So can I, like, come in? Are you busy?

JAMES
(stepping aside, letting Gareth in)
No, I mean - no. Mattie’s here.

GARETH
Oh, wow! Okay. (in a loud voice) I hope he’s not giving you any legal advice! (awkward laugh)
Because that could be...really bad.

MATTHEW
Hilarious. Oh-ho-ho. And how are you, Gareth?

GARETH
Hey, Mattie, I thought we agreed to quit.

MATTHEW
I know. I really tried.

GARETH
Yeah. I think you have a problem.

MATTHEW
But it’s my favorite problem. (holding out the cigarette) Don’t tell me...you’re tempted...just one
drag…what?

GARETH
Nope. Staying strong. You’re an asshole, by the way.

MATTHEW
(going over to the fridge)
And you’re a saint. Want a beer?
 Exit Wound - 13

JAMES
I don’t have beer.

MATTHEW
(looking in the fridge)
Then can I interest you in...a nice, cold glass of 1% milk? Oooh! Bottled apple juice? It’s like a
baby lives here.

JAMES
Or a priest. And the apple juice is really old, by the way.

GARETH
Uh - I’m okay.

MATTHEW
Nope, nope, nope. The boys are back together, this calls for a toast. Even if it is with apple juice.
(brings over three and twists off the caps, handing them each one) To Gareth’s voice finally
dropping. Most of the way.

GARETH
I sing baritone now in church choir, you know.

MATTHEW
What a long way we’ve come.

JAMES
I say we toast to Reverend Dave.

(beat)

GARETH
Okay. That’s interesting.

MATTHEW

What? What’s interesting?

GARETH
Nothing - just.
 Exit Wound - 14

MATTHEW
What is interesting, Gareth?

GARETH
Nothing! That’s a great toast. I’m in. To Dad.

MATTHEW/JAMES
To Dad/To Dave.

(They drink and immediately gag)

GARETH
Wow! That is...terribly nasty.

JAMES
What is that aftertaste? It’s like bread.

MATTHEW
Actually, I think we could get a buzz off this.

GARETH
Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and pass. Yikes.

JAMES
I told you it was bad.

GARETH
Perhaps we haven’t come such a long way after all. Matthew’s still not a good listener.

MATTHEW
And Gareth’s still not through with his pre-pubescent acne stage. Are you wearing concealer? Is
that weird fungus still all over your back?

GARETH
Nice. Still with the low blows, huh? Dad always said you were trying to make up for your
general lack of intelligence.
 Exit Wound - 15

MATTHEW
I was just trying to toughen you up! And look. You’re this big, hot-shot lawyer now. You take on
criminals and sent gangsters to jail. Thank-you-Matthew, for all those years of torment. You’re-
welcome-Gareth, it was my pleasure.

GARETH
I’m sure it was. Jerk.

JAMES
Okay, I can tell this is devolving into some kind of bizarre family argument that I don’t really
feel comfortable with. But there’s a coffee shop just down the road -

GARETH
No, I’m sorry! Sorry. My vocational counselor is always telling me I shouldn’t let Matthew get
to me. But he still...somehow...always does.

MATTHEW
(holding up his apple juice before downing the rest)
It’s a gift.

GARETH
But I’m here to help. Do you have a defense lawyer? (James nods) Good. I would advise relying
on his judgement.

JAMES
Her judgement. Yes.

MATTHEW
Sexist.

JAMES
So, thanks for that, she’s giving me all the legal advice I need, so, if you both wouldn’t mind -

GARETH
And what are the charges?

JAMES
Vandalism. Trespassing. Um. Maybe a hate crime.
 Exit Wound - 16

GARETH
A hate crime? Wow, that’s bad.

MATTHEW
Thanks for the legal advice there, Matlock. (mocking) A hate crime? That has the word ‘hate’ in
it, so it must be extra bad! Gee willikers!

GARETH
(ignoring Matthew)
And what’s going on with the whole, like, priesthood thing?

JAMES
(after a pause)
I might not be ordained. They’re still deciding.

GARETH
Yeah. That’s understandable.

MATTHEW
What? No it’s not! It’s some bullshit, that’s what it is.

GARETH
Do they know about the whole…?

(beat)

JAMES
Sorry, what?

GARETH
(gesturing with his hands)
Is that part of it? The whole you...being the way you are…

JAMES
How am I? You mean because I’m -

MATTHEW
No, no. Make him keep acting it out. This is going to be good.
 Exit Wound - 17

GARETH
Okay, thanks Matthew. (to James) You know what I mean. Because of your lifestyle choices, the
fact that you - prefer certain things a certain way -

MATTHEW
Oh my God, I’m dying.

JAMES
Because I’m gay?

MATTHEW
No, you ruined it!

JAMES
That has nothing to do with it. No-one at my seminary knows.

MATTHEW
Yeah. I mean. That doesn’t matter, right? If you’re a priest, you don’t get any. That’s what’s
important.

GARETH
But I mean. You can’t be that way.

MATTHEW
Don’t ask, don’t tell. Right, James?

GARETH
Geez, that must be hard to keep up.

JAMES
What do you mean?

GARETH
Oh, nothing. Just hard to pretend that you’re something you’re not.

JAMES
I don’t know. Is it difficult for you, to not go around a professional workplace talking about who
you want to have sex with?

(beat)
 Exit Wound - 18

GARETH
Uh...I’m sorry. Yeah, that was kind of insensitive of me. I apologize. I just thought that, maybe
the seminary has a right to know. I mean, the Catholic Church has been through a lot of crap as it
is. You know.

(beat)

MATTHEW
Are you equating him to a sex predator? Oh my God, you are!

GARETH
What? No! That’s ridiculous. You’re twisting my words, Mattie.

MATTHEW
Just because he’s gay, he’s a sex predator. Got it.

GARETH
What in the world? No! Jimmy, you know that’s not what I meant. Right? It’s just the whole -
you joining the priesthood - okay, fine, I just don’t get it! I mean, they think of being gay as
having a disease, right?

MATTHEW
A disease? You think he’s diseased?

GARETH
No. Matthew. Deep breath. I just said the Catholics think he has a disease. I’m not a judgemental
person! I don’t care! (to James) I don’t care Jimmy, I swear, you can make your own decisions.

JAMES
Um. Thanks?

GARETH
I have lots of gay friends, okay? I don’t hate on that. Stuff.

MATTHEW
But you think it’s wrong.

GARETH
How is that relevant?
 Exit Wound - 19

MATTHEW
Do you, or do you not, think being gay is wrong?

GARETH
The Bible says it’s wrong. I don’t know.

JAMES
Hey, it’s okay. I don’t really care what you think.

GARETH
That’s becoming obvious. I don’t know why I came over here, neither of you seem to want my
help. Or appreciate that I drove all the way to freaking Georgetown.

MATTHEW
Oh, stop it with the wounded puppy act. You don’t have the bone structure for it.

GARETH
(To James) I’m sorry if I was a prick. (to Matthew) I’m only sorry I let you get to me. As usual.

MATTHEW
(to James)
This is why I don’t take him to parties. (to Gareth) Be honest, Gareth. Which bothers you more?
That Jimmy is gay, or that he’s a Catholic?

GARETH
I just wanted him to be a good brother.

MATTHEW
And he wasn’t?

(long beat; Gareth is reluctant to answer this question)

GARETH
I was sorry you weren’t at Dad’s funeral, Jimmy. I think he really would’ve wanted you to be
there.

MATTHEW
I knew you’d bring up something like that! I knew it.
 Exit Wound - 20

GARETH
I’m not guilt-tripping you, Jimmy. I just wanted to say, it was obvious how much Dad cared
about you. He really did. A lot.

JAMES
I know. I didn’t deserve it.

GARETH
Right. (pauses; smiling at a memory) He was a little bummed he never made you a good
Protestant. Maybe I’m a little bummed, too.

(beat; James and Matthew also smile)

JAMES
I do seem to remember you slipping Calvinist tracts under my door every so often.

GARETH
Yeesh. Quite a little zealot.

MATTHEW
I have to admit, your evangelistic efforts were kind of adorable.

JAMES
In eleventh grade, I had this bookmark with the Virgin Mary on it. When I lost went missing, all
I could get out of Gareth was the quoting of the first commandment.

MATTHEW
I can imagine how he said it. King James?

JAMES
What else?

MATTHEW
(imitating Gareth in a squeaky voice)
Thou shalt have no other gods before me, Jimmy.

GARETH
And Mattie, I remember you beating the snot out of me when you found the bookmark in the
trash.
 Exit Wound - 21

MATTHEW
The battle for the soul of Christendom continues.

GARETH
I think I was just trying to get you guy’s attention.

MATTHEW
Ah, yes. Poor little Gareth, with the weird fungus on his back, and no friends. So, now, we’d
better be off and leave James alone, which is what he very clearly wants.

GARETH
Ah-ha. Goodbye then, Jimmy. Call me anytime. Matthew, is there any chance you could pay me
back from last week -

MATTHEW
Ha! Hilarious. No, my publisher will cut me a check - at some point. I don’t know.

GARETH
The book-writing business not what it used to be?

MATTHEW
The market is glutted with penguin stories. I’m having trouble fitting into such a market
paradigm.

GARETH
One more month, and I begin charging interest. I really don’t want to have to do that but -

MATTHEW
Right. No, I’ll get it.

(Gareth exits through the front door)

Gosh, I miss the days when I could beat the crap out of him. So I’m leaving too, then. Unless you
need anything else?

JAMES
Well, I was thinking of going to see the dean of studies. I wouldn’t mind reinforcements, but I
know you probably have work to do -
 Exit Wound - 22

MATTHEW
What? Work? No. You’re my brother, and whatever’s going on - that’s more important than -
than - whatever it is I do for a living.

JAMES
Going to parties. And occasionally writing something progressive and nice about an elephant
with two mommies. Or a ferret who was adopted.

MATTHEW
Or Gary the Gay Gibbon.

JAMES
Right. I was going to meet the dean at Mass - the church at the seminary.

MATTHEW
I’ll need better shoes.

JAMES
Still a size eleven?

MATTHEW
I can fit into anything.

JAMES
Matthew.

MATTHEW
Hm? What?

(beat)

JAMES
Was Dad’s funeral nice? I meant to go, I really did. How was the food?

MATTHEW
Ah. Good, I guess. All the little old ladies from the parish brought something.
 Exit Wound - 23

JAMES
And were there any leftovers? Did Mrs. Gardner bring that crazy apple pie? That apple pie - I
miss it. Did she bring it?

(beat - Matthew smiles)

MATTHEW
I wouldn’t know. I actually didn’t go either. I wasn’t - invited.

JAMES
You weren’t invited?

MATTHEW
Dad didn’t want me there. He was - actually given how drugged-up he was toward the end, he
was amazingly lucid on that point.

JAMES
But why? I don’t understand.

MATTHEW
You keep your secrets, James, and I’ll keep mine. But I heard there was lots of food. And none
left over. (pause) Now then! Shoes?

(He goes into the curtained-off bedroom) (James hesitates, thinks about something) (He follows)
 Exit Wound - 24

SCENE 2

(In one of the transepts of a Catholic Church, surrounded by statues) (We hear a murmuring
from those departing the recently-concluded mass)

(Matthew and James wander in, clearly a little insecure) (Note: They can wander in with a few
other VISITORS or MASS-GOERS if the production allows)

JAMES
So that was a little painful.

MATTHEW
Hm? What was?

JAMES
You. Have you never been to a mass in your life?

MATTHEW
I don’t know. I think I did okay.

JAMES
Was it absolutely necessary to tell the priest that you didn’t believe in transubstantiation, but
could you still take a cracker?

MATTHEW
I wouldn’t call that a cracker, more like a piece of plastic. Ugh. Terrible texture.

JAMES
I’m sorry our sacred ceremony did not fulfill your gastronomic desires.

MATTHEW
I thought you Catholics could afford better wafers. But do you really believe you’re eating
Christ’s body? The body - becomes the wafer - becomes the body thing?

JAMES
In a way. But at least, I’m engaging in a tradition that goes back, thousands of years, all the way
to Christ. That’s what important. That connection to...everything.
 Exit Wound - 25

MATTHEW
Huh. You know, Dad thought he had turned you into a good Calvinist. Apparently, it didn’t
stick.

JAMES
I admired your father, and I don’t think he was wrong. Not exactly. But this is where I fit.

MATTHEW
Is it, though? I mean, the robes and the dinnerware and the weird chanting and all - these statues’
lack of anatomical correctness, I mean, was this guy too holy for nipples?

JAMES
Do you have a point? It sounds like you’re just saying random things.

MATTHEW
I mean, it’s all so distancing. So intentionally strange.

JAMES
Exactly. You have to belong. (tapping his arm) Here comes Dean Ferris. Try and look -

MATTHEW
Like I belong. Got it.

(DEAN FERRIS enters)

JAMES

Ah, Dean Ferris - sir. Hello.

DEAN FERRIS
Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve kept you waiting.

JAMES
No, not at all. Dean Mark Ferris, may I present Matthew Anderson.

DEAN FERRIS
Oh? Good to meet you.

MATTHEW
Sir. Just so you know: I’m not a Catholic.
 Exit Wound - 26

DEAN FERRIS
(good-naturedly)
No, I realized that earlier. Do you remember? I was sitting in front of you and turned to say
‘peace be with you.’ But before I could, you said something like: ‘Hey there.’ Hilarious!

MATTHEW
Ah, right! Sorry if I offend. James here thinks I was a perfect disgrace.

DEAN FERRIS
Not at all.

JAMES
Thank you for agreeing to meet me here. I wasn’t sure if I came to your office -

DEAN FERRIS
If you’d be granted access? James, of course you would be.

(beat)

JAMES
Matthew, could you -

MATTHEW
Right. I’ll wait outside, then, if that’s what you want…

(beat; he waits for orders)

JAMES
What? Yes - go. Go, go, I’ll catch up.

MATTHEW
Right. (to Dean Ferris) Nice to meet you.

DEAN FERRIS
Likewise.

(Matthew exits)

He seems like a nice young man.

 Exit Wound - 27

JAMES
He’s very nice. He was with one of my foster families, the one in Brookline.

DEAN FERRIS
Oh. So like a brother, then.

JAMES
Right. I was with his family for the longest. Three years, right before I aged out.

DEAN FERRIS
Three years? Ah! So he was Dave’s son? The famous Reverend Dave you’re always on about.

JAMES
Yes. Matthew is a lot like him, actually. But. Dave was more relaxed...helping people came more
naturally to him.

DEAN FERRIS
And young Matthew is still figuring it out?

JAMES
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. Matthew means well. He tries.

DEAN FERRIS
And he is here for you now. That’s very nice.

JAMES
Dean Ferris. I know what I did was wrong. I know it was juvenile, and idiotic, and
unconscionable. I’ve disappointed you and everyone, I know that. I know that it was so, so
wrong! And you can lecture me, but first know, that I am so sorry. I am so, so, completely sorry.
I feel terrible. After all you’ve done for me, it’s beyond forgiveness -

DEAN FERRIS
James. James. That’s enough. I know your heart, and I understand how sorry you are. Have you
been to confession?

JAMES
Yes.
 Exit Wound - 28

DEAN FERRIS
What matters now is that you make things right in your soul.

JAMES
Yes, but the disciplinary committee -

DEAN FERRIS
They know the facts, and they know your disposition. Your impeccable academic record. But
James, I won’t lie to you: something like this is quite difficult for us to grapple with. Especially
in these divisive times.

JAMES
I know I’ve committed a grave sin, and I know it looks bad. But I need this. Please. Will there be
an opportunity for me to speak with the committee?

DEAN FERRIS
There will be. We will also hear from your teacher, tutors, classmates, and others.

JAMES
But I need to know -

DEAN FERRIS
James. Settle down. Let this run its course.

JAMES
Just let me - no, just let me speak for a moment. I promise, I’m not arguing with you. I just - I
just - need the committee to know how much this matters to me. I want to fight for this. At the
very least, what I did - though it was wrong - shows how much I care about the Church.

DEAN FERRIS
A service done in sin is no service at all.

JAMES
It was only an example of my devotion -

DEAN FERRIS
To God? Because if He was your main aim, you would be settling things with Him, as I
suggested.
 Exit Wound - 29

JAMES
Don’t take this away from me. Please. This is the only community I have ever known.

DEAN FERRIS
James, my dear boy. We do not become priests to gratify ourselves. It is an act of supreme
devotion, meant to transcend ourselves - our needs, and desires. Now. You can move about
freely?

JAMES
Until ten PM.

DEAN FERRIS
Keep going to Mass. Keep praying. Relax. Be in the company of your brother - foster-brother, or
friend, or whatever he is. I don’t know what kind of community you are seeking, but he certainly
doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. He’s coming back now, actually.

MATTHEW
(re-entering)
Hey guys, I’m sorry...I forgot the keys. (to James) Do you have them?

JAMES
It’s fine. We’re going. Thank you, Father. I do appreciate you taking the time.

DEAN FERRIS
Of course. I’ll see you in a few days, then, in all likelihood. When do you go to trial? The public
trial?

JAMES
Not for a few months, depending on how things shake out.

DEAN FERRIS
Well, rest assured, we will be moving forward faster than that. You should get a call from my
office soon. Go in God’s grace, son.

(he exits)

MATTHEW
Sorry, I just can’t find them. It’s the weirdest thing -
 Exit Wound - 30

JAMES
Did you check your pockets?

MATTHEW
Yes.

JAMES
Your hands?

(Matthew holds up his hands and turns them over)

Well, now I’ve been about as helpful as I can be. Why did you interrupt us?

MATTHEW
I don’t know, kid. Okay, fine, because you looked miserable. That - that conversation - was
clearly going nowhere.

JAMES
So you know where the keys are.

MATTHEW
I wouldn’t go that far. But I have a few ideas.

JAMES
I already told you, I can handle this on my own.

MATTHEW
I know. But do you really want to?

JAMES
Well - what? No. I mean. It’s not a matter of wanting. I did something, and I need to make it
right. I just want to make it right - ah! (he doubles over, pressing his side)

MATTHEW
Hey. Hey! What’s wrong with you, huh?

JAMES
Nothing - nothing! Just gas. Maybe. Oh...geez...dad-gum it...
 Exit Wound - 31

MATTHEW
Nice. How long has this been going on?

JAMES
About ten minutes...every six hours...for the last three weeks…

MATTHEW
Ok, that does it. (moving in to grab James around the shoulders)

JAMES
What are you doing? Stop it!

MATTHEW
There’s enough pain in life, James, to provide all the penance you’re looking for. Don’t make it
worse than it needs to be. We’re going to a doctor.

JAMES
No, no, it’ll clear up -

MATTHEW
Well, at least let me help you. Come on. No one is above a little help. I’ll get you all set for your
trial by dunking or whatever it is Catholics are up to these days. Deal?

JAMES
A deal infers that I have something to give.

MATTHEW
Company. Let’s call it your company.

JAMES
I’m going to pay you back.

MATTHEW
Oh, fine. Assuming your appendix doesn’t explode first. Here we go. Can you walk?

JAMES
Oh - okay. Yes. Ah. And Matthew? (pause) Thanks.
 Exit Wound - 32

MATTHEW
Any time, kid. Alright. Left foot right...right...no, I mean correct, left foot...there we go...right.
Right foot. Easy does it. James, you will have to support at least a little of your own weight.

(Matthew can continue to ad lib as he supports James) (They exit together)

 Exit Wound - 33

SCENE 3

(James’ flat at Georgetown) (Matthew enters at a quick clip, holding a notebook) (James
follows)

MATTHEW
So: on the night of May the eleventh, you bought the can of red spray paint -

JAMES
I had it from before.

MATTHEW
You had a can of red spray paint just lying around?

JAMES
Yeah.

MATTHEW
I’m not sure the jury is going to buy that.

JAMES
Matthew. It’s not a jury -

MATTHEW
Right, right, council of cardinals.

JAMES
Not that either.

MATTHEW
The point is: you were drunk and out of your mind with anger.

JAMES
I wasn’t drunk. Don’t say I was drunk. I also wasn’t really that angry - I sat over there, thought
about it -

MATTHEW
No. Stop. That makes it sound premeditated. How about this. You were dropping acid -
 Exit Wound - 34

JAMES
No.

MATTHEW
You have a history of blind moments of mental insanity -

JAMES
Matthew. Remember, these people are considering me for a future in the priesthood.

MATTHEW
So you’d rather talk about how you sat on your bed and thought out all of this? You’ll sound like
a serial killer.

JAMES
Well, I was angry.

MATTHEW
That’s a start.

JAMES
I was so - so shocked, honestly.

MATTHEW
Now we’re getting somewhere. Go on. Where were you when they came into the church? I’m
going to draw a map.

JAMES
I already told you. I was in the -

MATTHEW
Oh right, the nave. I drew a little arrow to that. Tell me how you felt.

JAMES
I told you. I was shocked.

MATTHEW
James, take it from a man who tells stories for a living: you need to create a picture of how you
felt. You can’t just say it. Take me through the moment - relive it, if you will.
 Exit Wound - 35

JAMES
I’d rather not.

MATTHEW
When they came into the chapel, what did you notice first about them?

JAMES
The noise. A woman - one of the women they brought with them - she was loud. Their voices
carried. I didn’t look behind me right away, not because I didn’t hear them, but because I didn’t
really register what was going on. It was like someone’s phone had started ringing. Annoying,
but not different. I suppose my body caught on before my mind did, because everything tensed
up. My shoulders, my chest - I couldn’t breathe - my eyes watered, my skin crawled. And I kept
thinking - my thoughts were split in two. I held two thoughts together and very clearly: first, that
this was nothing, and if I kept ignoring it, it would really turn into nothing; but also that this was
deathly serious and might be the end of everything. My world was either going to irrevocably
change - split down the middle seam - or it would go on as it always had.

MATTHEW
And which of those was it?

JAMES
Neither.

MATTHEW
Are you sure?

JAMES
Well. They smashed up the altar and desecrated the host. One of them peed in the aisle. All the
while, the protesters were shouting obscenities - terrible things. Really terrible. But… (pause)
They didn’t hurt anyone. I mean. Besides shoving this one guy - he was trying to get involved.
And all of the seminary students in attendance got the lecture on the persecuted church and how
this would only make us stronger. We were sent back to our flats like it was any other night.

MATTHEW
But it wasn’t. Not for you.

JAMES
No, as it turned out. It wasn’t.
 Exit Wound - 36

MATTHEW
(studying his paper)
And you said they were…

JAMES
Part of an LGBTQ civil rights group. Apparently, they were just supposed to protest outside the
church. But the ones who came in - that must have been fourteen people. Some of them were big
guys. And I was so scared. So stupid and scared, just staring at it all like a dumb animal.

MATTHEW
Do you remember, when we were kids, and they tackled that drug dealer at the carnival -

JAMES
Matthew, I know. But this wasn’t like that. Creeps and assholes hang out at carnivals - bad
people. Crazy things happen there all the time. But this was a mass. If you had asked me, three
weeks ago, where the most ossified place in the world was, where nothing could
happen...nothing good or bad, just nothing. Damn it. It was like trying to see the world through
shattered glass.

(beat)

Did you write all of that down?

MATTHEW
Uh - yes. Sort of.

(Knock at the door)

(beat)

Ah, right. Crap. I forgot.

JAMES
Did you invite someone over?

MATTHEW
Yes, but -

JAMES
To my house?
 Exit Wound - 37

MATTHEW
It was an emergency call. Life or death.

(he starts to open the front door, but can’t figure out the locking mechanism)

JAMES
Oh come on. I’ll open it.

(opens the front door, revealing ELLIE, carrying a bag of groceries)

ELLIE
Hello...James, is it?

MATTHEW
(overjoyed)
Ellie! Love of my life. Wind under my wings. You brought snacks.

ELLIE
Yup. And I got your text about Jujyfruit, but the best I could get is the candy that looks like
Legos?

MATTHEW
(to the grocery bag)
Come to me.

JAMES
I’m sorry. Who is this person?

ELLIE
(a little flustered, but not angry)
Well that’s - that’s kind of rude. Isn’t that kind of rude?

MATTHEW
It’s alright, Ellie - they say incarceration takes a terrible toll on a man.

JAMES
No - you’re right, I’m so sorry. James Lloyd.
 Exit Wound - 38

ELLIE
(still holding her bag at Matthew begins to rifle through it)
Ellie.

MATTHEW
You know, you kids have met before. At some party last year at Samson’s.

JAMES
Not the Ellie with the - thing with the flowers -

ELLIE
Flower shop business? No, that’s Elle Laughton, you probably met her too.

JAMES
No, I mean the Ellie with the - (gestures to his face)

ELLIE
Oh! Oh my gosh, no, that’s Ellie - Ellie - what was her name, Matthew?

MATTHEW
Who?

ELLIE
Ellie with the face - face - (gestures to face)

MATTHEW
Ellie who dated Marcus.

ELLIE
Right. No, I’m just the Ellie who - well - (nudges Matthew) his Ellie.

JAMES
His…? Oh! You’re dating.

ELLIE
Oh! Jesus. Well, I guess if that’s what you want to call it.

MATTHEW
Don’t say that in front of him.
 Exit Wound - 39

ELLIE
Say what? That we’re dating? I certainly didn’t say it; he said it. Jesus.

MATTHEW
No, love, that’s the thing you shouldn’t -

ELLIE
Oh crap! Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be offensive -

JAMES
I’m zero percent offended. How long have you two been together?

MATTHEW/ELLIE
Two years./Two months.

JAMES
That is...a very wide disparity.

ELLIE
(to Matthew)
What are you counting from?

MATTHEW
When we met. (to James) She fell for me.

ELLIE
I didn’t - shut up, Matthew, don’t tell him about that.

JAMES
What? Please do. And let me take your groceries.

(he does so and puts them on a side table) (Matthew rummages around and finds his candy)

ELLIE
Thanks! So I should probably start with - I’m a lawyer.

MATTHEW
Really good lawyer.
 Exit Wound - 40

JAMES
Oh, that’s great!

ELLIE
Yeah? Yeah, I guess. So. We met at a bar the night I passed my senior exams. I mean - we
weren’t strangers. I was having this get-together with all my friends and Gareth and...Matthew
was there.

MATTHEW
Things got serious pretty fast.

JAMES
How serious?

ELLIE
Matthew! Don’t tell him, he’s a priest.

MATTHEW
Bathroom-serious.

JAMES
I...don’t know what that means.

ELLIE
Good. So yeah, we talked a little for two years. And then two months ago -

MATTHEW
It happened again.

ELLIE
Matthew! Stop it! It’s so embarrassing.

MATTHEW
It’s nothing! James is an adult.

ELLIE
Who I don’t know! We talked about this, remember?

(beat)
 Exit Wound - 41

MATTHEW
Whom.

ELLIE
What?

MATTHEW
‘Whom I don’t know.’

JAMES
(jumping in quickly)
So...you are a lawyer. Here in DC?

ELLIE
Yeah - in Arlington. Sorry.

MATTHEW
Why do you keep apologizing for everything? And by the way, she’s the best lawyer in the city.

JAMES
What kind of law do you practice?

ELLIE
I’m a public defender.

JAMES
Wow, that’s so great.

ELLIE
Is it? I mean, of course it is, but It’s super stressful and I am far from the best lawyer in the city. I
wish you would stop telling people that, babe.

JAMES
So, do you know that Matthew’s brother is a lawyer?

ELLIE
I know Gareth pretty well, actually. He’s a good guy.

(Matthew almost chokes on his candy)

 Exit Wound - 42

(ELLIE, cont’d)
He was in my student cohort in law school. Matthew and I met through him, actually. (to
Matthew, who is still choking) Are you having some sort of problem?

MATTHEW
You don’t like Gareth at all! Good guy?

ELLIE
He is a good guy!

MATTHEW
You’re always saying he’s a needy little pipsqueak. (to James) He has a massive crush on her.

ELLIE
That’s so not true.

JAMES
(jumping in quickly again)
We just saw him yesterday, actually. He gave me some advice for my…(gestures to cuff on leg)

ELLIE
Yeah. Matthew said you’re under house arrest? That’s pretty intense.

JAMES
It’s a curfew thing. (gestures to his ankle monitor) After ten, I’m on lockdown.

ELLIE
Ten PM? (to Matthew) Hey. Jerkface. You said I had to get you food because he couldn’t leave
the house.

MATTHEW
(having finished his candy, he’s rummaging through the grocery bag again)
Why is there raw meat in here?

ELLIE
I don’t know. So you can eat something other than Skittles, maybe.

MATTHEW
I don’t know how to cook this.
 Exit Wound - 43

ELLIE
Matthew, it’s chicken.

MATTHEW
(holding up a handful of kale)
And what are these? They don’t look edible.

ELLIE
It’s kale. You can cook it with the chicken.

MATTHEW
I feel like I heard somewhere that kale tastes bad. It looks like it has hair follicles.

ELLIE
It’s good! And it’s good for you.

(Matthew takes a bite)

I might cook it first.

MATTHEW
(making a face)
What is this? It’s like eating grass!

JAMES
There’s mouthwash in the bathroom.

(Matthew nods and exits to the bathroom, shaking his head at Ellie)

So. I can leave the house sometimes, but this is a huge help. I’m sorry if Matthew exaggerated -

ELLIE
Lied. No, it’s okay. It’s obvious the two of you need serious help in the nutrition department.
(calling to Matthew) You want me to cook dinner for you?

MATTHEW
(calling from offstage)
Not if you’re going to make the hairy plants! Ah! I can still taste it!
 Exit Wound - 44

ELLIE
(to James) Was he always such a picky eater?

JAMES
Not really. He only had one rule: nothing green. I can cook, if you need to -

ELLIE
(going over to the groceries)
No, it’s fine! Hey. Maybe I can help you with your case. Thing. Whatever.

JAMES
Well, then. Can I ask you a weird question?

ELLIE
Shoot.

JAMES
Can you tell me if this sounds sincere? (takes a deep breath) I am very sorry about my actions,
and I fully embrace the consequences.

ELLIE
Hm...you might actually want to look away for a second before you say the part about
consequences. You looking into my eyes the whole time makes it feel a little invasive. Or you
could just focus on how you really feel. I mean, you’re sorry, right?

(beat)

JAMES
I am very sorry about my actions, and I fully embrace the consequences.

(beat)

Better?

ELLIE
No. That felt really sarcastic, actually. If you threw in a little sneer you could be a Bond villain.

JAMES
I need help.
 Exit Wound - 45

MATTHEW
(re-entering)
And I need dinner.

ELLIE
Hey. How about we invite Gareth over? Make this into a little strategy session.

MATTHEW
If we have to. How about we invite Casey and Meredith?

JAMES
You’ve met Casey?

MATTHEW
She’s met everyone. Babe, can you put some sort of cheese or maybe Kellogg's cereal on that
chicken?

ELLIE
How about I melt some Pop Tarts on there for you?

MATTHEW
Oh, yes, please.

JAMES
Has she met mom?

MATTHEW
Yes. And she’s met you too, although you idiots don’t remember.

ELLIE
(to James)
Were you the one who broke his wrist on the skateboard?

MATTHEW
Mm-mm, that was Philip. We fostered him when I was in middle school. He looked like
Eurasian Jesus, remember?

ELLIE
The ultra-perm!
 Exit Wound - 46

MATTHEW
Right. James was the last one before I graduated.

ELLIE
The gay one!

(beat)

Oh, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why -

JAMES
And you’re the Ellie who loved Mumford and Sons before they were a thing.

ELLIE
Right. Yeah. I do remember meeting you at the party! And you were...I got it. The one kid who
had this cute British accent, which Reverend Dave realized was fake -

MATTHEW
No that was Amanda Grace. Different kid. Hey, does mac ‘n’ cheese count as a side item? Like
the Kraft stuff, don’t try and make it homemade. It’s not as good.

ELLIE
Lucky for you, I brought three boxes. Of the organic kind.

MATTHEW
No! Why do you do this to me?

ELLIE
There’s nothing green in it! Organic just means it’s better for you!

MATTHEW
Can you put mayonnaise in there?

ELLIE
No. Gross! Is that a thing?

MATTHEW
Mayo goes good in everything.
 Exit Wound - 47

ELLIE
You are disgusting. How about mayo on the chicken, ok? With the breakfast cereal?

MATTHEW
I always knew I liked you.

(as they are speaking, James goes back over to his mirror)

JAMES

I am very sorry about my actions. I’m very sorry.

(he suddenly grabs his side, seizing with pain but without alerting the other two, who continue to
ad lib if necessary until James straightens and faces the mirror) (Blackout)
 Exit Wound - 48

SCENE 4

(James’ flat) (It is now night and the flat is empty)

(We hear voices from outside the front door as Ellie and Matthew approach)

ELLIE
(from off)
Well, I happen to think my mom will be very understanding. It’s her dog.

MATTHEW
(from off)
The only things in this world she understands is that she hates me, and she hates that dog. She’s
never taking it back.

(they both enter, Matthew carrying a bottle of wine and Ellie carrying a case of sparkling water)

James! We’re back!

JAMES
(from the bathroom)
In a minute!

ELLIE
She might. She’s getting old, maybe a dog would be good company.

MATTHEW
Maybe if the dog was a six pound chihuahua with a delightful temperament. Instead of Genghis
the Deranged, Morbidly Obese Rottweiler.

ELLIE
We could always see how it goes.

MATTHEW
I don’t think that’s a good idea. Can I try one of yours?

ELLIE
Sure. (He grabs a can from her box, and she looks at his bottle of wine) Moscato?
 Exit Wound - 49

MATTHEW
Tsk. So judgmental today of my life choices.

ELLIE
Oh - sorry. Just didn’t realize I was dating the head of the cheerleading squad.

MATTHEW
Hey. Cheerleading’s a real sport. (takes a sip from his can) What is this? Canned water?

ELLIE
Its flavored.

MATTHEW
With what? Dirty nickels?

(beat; Ellie looks a little annoyed, until she realizes he’s joking)

I actually love this stuff.

ELLIE
I know you do! So why do you have to be so ornery about everything? You’re like a child. You
know what we need?

MATTHEW
What?

ELLIE
We need to get you a - a - a hat or something. To signal when you’re joking. Like a big, red,
stupid hat. And you would put it on whenever you’re not serious, and that way, I know. Okay?

MATTHEW
Okay.

ELLIE
And babe. (looks over at the bathroom door) We still have a lot we need to do. It’s not just the
dog, it’s like a million-billion things. We have the apartment, and the renovations, and the
doctors’ appointments -

MATTHEW
That’s fine. That’s all fine. I told you I’d be there, and I mean it.
 Exit Wound - 50

ELLIE
You know I love how much you help other people. But...is this really the right time?

MATTHEW
Ellie! He’s facing one of the biggest challenges of his life. And I know James, if he tries to do
everything by himself -

JAMES
(entering - he’s wearing nicer clothes and holding a phone)
(he still has a towel around his neck)
Sorry about that - trying to shave - Matthew, do you know who just called?

MATTHEW
The Dean’s office?

JAMES
Right. My committee hearing is next week.

MATTHEW
That’s really soon.

ELLIE
Well...that’s what this dinner is all about though! Helping you. James, let me pour you a glass of
wine - do you have a bottle opener?

JAMES
Drawer next to the dishwasher. Is Gareth coming over?

ELLIE
He said he would. Though he must be running kind of late -

MATTHEW
Oh, he’ll be here. Trust me.

(knock on the door)

Yikes. That’s just uncanny. Ten bucks says he’s been lurking around, waiting for that.
 Exit Wound - 51

ELLIE
Okay, whatever. He’s here to help, same as you.

(Opens the door to reveal Gareth, standing there with a bottle of wine)

Hey there!

GARETH
Oh wow! Hi, Ellie. Gosh, you look great. (they hug) This is - wow. So nice of you to cook
dinner.

ELLIE
No, no, it’s nothing. No problem. Did you bring wine?

GARETH
What?

ELLIE
You brought -

GARETH
Oh right! Yes. Um. Cab sav - the wine ratings thing online said this was a good one. I remember
cab sav is your favorite.

MATTHEW
(to James)
Just kill me.

ELLIE
Thanks, that’s perfect.

GARETH
Hi Mattie. Hi Jimmy.

ELLIE
Let’s bring that wine over here, Gareth - oh! And James, here’s a glass of Moscato for you.

JAMES
(To Matthew, as Gareth and Ellie futz around in the kitchen)
Why do I suddenly feel like a guest in my own flat?
 Exit Wound - 52

MATTHEW
She sort of has a habit of taking over. But she thinks she doesn’t, so best just let her go on with
it.

JAMES
Learned that lesson, eh?

MATTHEW
Let’s just say: the kitchen in my apartment is now mint green and I wear better socks now. She’s
also trying to persuade me to change the wallpaper in our living room to a marbled purple
pattern.

JAMES
(sipping from his glance and wincing)
She certainly has terrible taste in wine.

MATTHEW
The worst.

ELLIE
(to Gareth)
So how’s life in contract law?

GARETH
Oh, it’s okay.

ELLIE
Just okay?

GARETH
Yeah, I mean, I’m working really closely with Robert so that’s cool. It’s just a lot of time and
stress. But! Not as much stress as being a public defender, I’m sure. I mean. That’s just so cool.

ELLIE
Yeah. Is it? I mean, of course it is, but it’s a freaking ton of work. Sorry, I’m just really tired!

GARETH
Well, thanks again for making dinner, it looks awesome. Is that kale?
 Exit Wound - 53

ELLIE
I just sort of snuck it in there. (to Matthew) Matthew, I promise, you won’t even taste it.

GARETH
Mattie’s always been a picky eater.

ELLIE
He certainly is stubborn. James, where are the forks?

JAMES
The drawer right next to you - to your right. You know, I can help -

ELLIE
Don’t worry about it. Hey, how about you tell Gareth what you need help with? Tell us about
your case.

(Matthew, Gareth, and James begin to sit down at the table, Ellie serving them)

GARETH
Well, I actually know a little bit already. Ellie, you remember Pete Dennison?

ELLIE
Oh, yeah! How’s Pete doing?

GARETH
Good, good. He’s representing Beecher Park - the plaintiff, in Jimmy’s case.

ELLIE
(to James)
You committed a crime against a park?

JAMES
It’s more of a field.

GARETH
It’s on the Beecher Industries property. They’ll probably develop it at some point, but for now,
there’s like a walking path there. For the employees.
 Exit Wound - 54

ELLIE
That’s in Arlington. (to James) So what did you do, exactly?

MATTHEW
James, you don’t have to talk about it -

JAMES
(quietly; to Matthew)
No, it’s okay.

ELLIE
Well, I thought he wanted our advice. So what’s the story?

JAMES
There’s a group of activists that meet there. Sometimes. But not, like, good activists - they hate
Catholics.

GARETH
Gays.

ELLIE
They hate gay Catholics?

GARETH
No, the activists. They’re a gay rights group.

JAMES
Marriage equality and civil rights.

ELLIE
What’s so wrong with that?

JAMES
They’re methods are a little harsh.

MATTHEW
A little? They’re basically thugs.

JAMES
I wouldn’t go that far - but that same day, the same day I - I vandalized the park -
 Exit Wound - 55

MATTHEW
Allegedly vandalized. Go ahead.

JAMES
Thank you. That morning, they had protested outside the seminary’s main chapel. A dozen or so
actually burst in, and did all sorts of horrible things.

ELLIE
Oh my gosh, that’s terrible. Were they arrested?

JAMES
Yes. But…not all of them. And in the heat of anger I did something. Something sort of childish.
Sophomoric.

(beat)
GARETH
(to James)
Can I tell her?

MATTHEW
He’s getting to it, give him some space.

(beat)

GARETH
Or I could tell her.

JAMES
You should tell her.

MATTHEW
Okay, geez Gareth, go ahead.

GARETH
Thanks, Matthew. (To Ellie) He spray-painted a KKK symbol on the field. Like, a big one. And
then some little ones on the park benches.

ELLIE
I’m confused. These guys are racists and they hate Catholics?
 Exit Wound - 56

GARETH
The KKK’s second iteration, in the 1920s, was super anti-Catholic as well as anti-African
American. But I suppose the KKK was also anti-gay too, so it’s just piling hate on more hate.
(pause) (to James) I mean, you know it was a mistake. It’s okay.

ELLIE
Wow. James, that’s really awful.

GARETH
Hey, he was angry. We’ve all been there. It could have been so much worse, you know?

MATTHEW
Worse? What the hell are you talking about?

GARETH
I don’t know, I’m just saying -

MATTHEW
Yeah, Gareth, what are you saying?

(beat)

GARETH
Mattie, buddy, let me ask you a question. Why does everything I say make you angry?

MATTHEW
Uh, I don’t know Gareth, because everything you say is ridiculous. Are you saying you
suspected him of worse?

GARETH
Well. When Pete called me -

MATTHEW
What did you think? C’mon, tell the truth for once in your life. When your lawyer-friend called
you, what did you think James had done?

GARETH
Oh, I don’t know, Mattie.
 Exit Wound - 57

MATTHEW
Admit it. ‘Perfect Child.’ You wanted to hear he’d robbed a bank or something.

GARETH
That’s - no. (quick glance at Ellie) I was not the perfect child, and I totally get where Jimmy was
coming from. But it must be really hard, when he comes from, you know. That kind of
background.

MATTHEW
Okay, thanks, Mr. Freud, for your armchair psychoanalysis. I guess we’re all lucky Jimmy didn’t
poison the family well.

GARETH
I didn’t say that. (pause) (under his breath) Though he did start a grease fire at school.

MATTHEW
That was totally an accident!

GARETH
An accident, sure, but I’m just saying! Jimmy was great, but he had some issues.

MATTHEW
Right. Unlike ‘Perfect Child’ over here.

GARETH
Stop saying that.

MATTHEW
Why? You want to believe it. Hell, I know it’s not true. (to Ellie) Did you know Gareth was
arrested in twelfth grade for trying to buy beer?

ELLIE
Matthew, I don’t really -

GARETH
Yeah how is that relevant? I never even went to jail.
 Exit Wound - 58

MATTHEW
Because Dad came to the store and talked the cop out of it. And you know what the saddest part
was? Gareth hates beer, always has. He was trying to get it for a party. Tessa Brown’s sixteenth
birthday-party, which he had not been invited to, but thought the door would be opened to him if
he bought alcohol. For a bunch of teenagers!

GARETH
(glancing at Ellie)
Wait, wait, wait. It was not - I really wasn’t - you know, it wasn’t really a big -

MATTHEW
Oh my God, Gareth, just spit it out.

GARETH
Kids in other countries drink before they can walk, it was really no big deal!

MATTHEW
Wait - no, Gareth, don’t you see why it’s funny? It’s not that you got caught. It’s the fact that
you were so pathetic, that you would risk jail just so you could go to a party and pretend that you
had friends.

GARETH
Okay. Are you done?

MATTHEW
Sure.

ELLIE
Yes; he absolutely is.

(beat)

JAMES
Ellie, this chicken is really good.

ELLIE
Thanks, James, I appreciate that.
 Exit Wound - 59

GARETH
(very quietly)
Yeah. It’s awesome.

ELLIE
Gareth, are you okay?

GARETH
Could I get some of the cav sav I brought, maybe?

ELLIE
Sure thing. (starts to get up)

MATTHEW
Oh, Christ, El, let him open his own wine.

JAMES
No, let me. It’s my flat. Please.

ELLIE
Thanks. I’ve got it. So let’s - um - let’s talk about this case! So James, have you been approached
about a plea deal? I mean the optics - the specifics are the story - are kind of bad, but at the end
of the day, it’s vandalism, not like homicide or something.

JAMES
Honestly, I’ve been panicking so much about the disciplinary committee hearings -

ELLIE
Right. Of course. First thing’s first. Tell me about the seminary’s side of this.

GARETH
Ellie, I’m not sure our experience would be relevant. I mean. We’re not talking about the legal
system, we’re talking about a half-dozen monks in robes.

JAMES
It’s more of an academic disciplinary committee.

ELLIE
Yeah, Gareth, let’s just...try and be supportive here.
 Exit Wound - 60

GARETH
Fine. But I’m not going to pretend I can help though. I don’t want to seem…(to Matthew)
pathetic.

(beat)

ELLIE
So James. Do you know what rule or part of the code of conduct you broke? Specifically.

GARETH
(under his breath)
How about most of them?

MATTHEW
Are you quite finished?

GARETH
Yup.

JAMES
Um. There’s not one specifically, just the general part of the code of conduct where we, “conduct
ourselves in a manner that complies with local laws and regulations.” But any breaking of the
code of conduct is supposed to be dealt with through Christian meditation. I’m more worried
about the “grounds for immediate expulsion.” That has to do with making threats against other
students or participating in violent behavior.

ELLIE
Did you hurt anyone when you were doing your spray-paint thing?

JAMES
No. But if those activists felt threatened - that could be a problem.

GARETH
I have an idea. Oh my gosh, why didn’t we think of this before? Jimmy, you should tell them
you’re gay. So you’re actually on their side.

JAMES
That’s ridiculous - I’m not on anyone’s “side.” And I’m celibate, so -
 Exit Wound - 61

GARETH
Hey, Ellie. Do you ever go birdwatching? Still?

MATTHEW
What?

GARETH
Dinner conversation, Mattie. Small-talk. You should try it sometime. How about it, El? Do any
bird-watching?

ELLIE
Um - well - no, not since -

GARETH
Oh that’s too bad! I still go, sometimes. You know the old woods around Jagger Lake? We used
to go all the time in law school. The range of birds they had there - just amazing.

MATTHEW
Why do I feel like you’re not even trying to make a point?

GARETH
You know, Ellie, there was this one bird we kept hearing. It had such a sad song. The cuckoo
bird. You ever see one?

ELLIE
No, I don’t -

GARETH
Well, you weren’t missing much, it kind of just looks like an ugly pigeon. But when we were out
this one time, Lauren - you remember Lauren - told me the most bizarre story. It’s really funny!
Get this: the mother cuckoo actually lays her egg in the nest of another species of bird. Just plops
her egg down, in the middle of all these other eggs! Isn’t that crazy?

ELLIE
Sure?

GARETH
And the cuckoo bird hatches - and it’s like this monster of a baby bird - it screams for its mother
to feed it. And poor Mama Warbler - or Sparrow, or whatever - doesn’t know it’s not one of her
own! So she feeds and takes care of it. It’s insane!
 Exit Wound - 62

MATTHEW
Gareth…

GARETH
She doesn’t know the difference. But the baby cuckoo bird knows that it’s different. And if he
fears there isn’t enough food to go around, do you know what he does to the other baby birds in
the nest?

MATTHEW
Gareth, no-one cares!

GARETH
C’mon, guess. Guess what it does.

MATTHEW
We get the idea. Shut up.

GARETH
It pushes the eggs out - and down they fall! - and splat!

MATTHEW
Jesus Christ, just shut up!

ELLIE
Matthew!

MATTHEW
You shut up, or I swear to fucking God -

ELLIE
Matthew, calm down.

MATTHEW
I won’t calm down! He’s being a total asshole.

GARETH
Yeah, I probably am. But like it or not, you’re my brother. My brother, Mattie, and I don’t want
to see you spend everything on something that’s going to turn on you.
 Exit Wound - 63

MATTHEW
Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I was the smashed egg in this scenario - I’m the mother bird? Jesus, this
is so confusing!

GARETH
Actually, it’s pretty simple! Dad always thought he was doing the right thing by helping people,
but he was just enabling them. And now, you’re doing the exact same thing.

JAMES
Fuck you.

GARETH
What did you say?

JAMES
You heard me. Don’t speak about your father that way.

MATTHEW
Wait - wait - wait. Wait a minute. Oh my God, it’s all becoming so clear! You’re the poor widdle
defensiveness baby bird in the story, Gareth! Aw! Poor you! Poor little baby you!

ELLIE
Hey! Calm down.

MATTHEW
Why - why - why do I have to calm down? Why not him, Ellie? Why are you taking his side?

GARETH
Because it’s obvious to her that I’m just trying to help. I came here to help and you’re trying to -
what? Embarrass me? In front of a girl, right? Grow up, Matthew.

MATTHEW
Ha! You poor little victim! Never got enough of Dad’s - what? Worms? Bird-food? Jesus, you’re
so full of shit!

GARETH
What! Why? Because for once - for once in my goddamned life - I’m expressing my feelings?

(beat)
 Exit Wound - 64

(GARETH, cont’d)
Hey. You remember that night, when the grease fire happened? The ‘accident’, as you called it?
That was senior night. My volleyball championship. And do you know where dad was?

JAMES
I never asked for it.

GARETH
He was with him! Him, that - that - that stranger! Taking care of him, on the one night - the one
night it should have been about me! Me, Matthew! And yeah, I’m an adult now, I can see with
clear eyes what our father’s priorities were, and why they were that way. But I was seventeen.
Seventeen years old, crying into my plastic cup of Gatorade as every one of my teammates ran
across the court with their father. So excuse me, for just once, expressing the total shit of that
moment.

(beat)

It was awful.

ELLIE
Gareth. Are you okay?

MATTHEW
He’s okay. The dramatics will pass.

ELLIE
(to Matthew)
You know, you could stop being such an asshole. Anytime.

MATTHEW
Anytime?

ELLIE
Now would be great.

JAMES
I never asked for any of it. Dave was just - just always there.
 Exit Wound - 65

MATTHEW
He couldn’t help it.

(beat)

GARETH
Yeah, he was there. For every broken and banged-up kid in the city. Then there’s me. Clinched
the volleyball finals, graduated top of my class, but I had to steal beer to get his attention. And
yeah. That sure got his attention. (pause) Sorry. I suppose Dad did what he thought was best. I
was probably ungrateful. Still am.

ELLIE
Hey. There’s nothing here that’s your fault. To be honest, he kind of sounds like a crap father.

MATTHEW
What did you say?

JAMES
Matthew.

ELLIE
I said - I said - I don’t know, but he just kind of sounds like he didn’t pay enough attention -

MATTHEW
How dare you? You didn’t know him.

ELLIE
Okay, okay, Matthew. Jesus.

GARETH
Yeah, leave her alone! She’s right, by the way.

MATTHEW
So now you think Dad was what - some kind of monster?

GARETH
No. (pause) But he followed the monsters into the darkness. He lost the stars.

(beat)
 Exit Wound - 66

MATTHEW
C’mon James.

ELLIE
Matthew, what are you doing?

GARETH
He’s running away. This is what he does.

MATTHEW
I mean it. Put on your coat.

JAMES
May I ask where we’re going?

MATTHEW
No.

GARETH
Hey! Mattie. Look, I’m sorry. Okay?

(beat) (James and Matthew are putting on their coats and hustling out the door)

MATTHEW
Fucking lost the fucking stars...some stupid fucking shit...Do you have your gloves?

JAMES
(to Ellie)
Um. Thanks for dinner.

GARETH
Mattie, if you really want to know why Dad stopped speaking to you, consider asking Jimmy.

MATTHEW
Thanks, Gareth. Goodbye.

GARETH
I’m serious. Just ask him.
 Exit Wound - 67

MATTHEW
Okay. Thanks. I hope that fungus on your back turns out to be cancer.

ELLIE
Are you really leaving?

(Matthew ushers James out the door and closes it without another word)

(under her breath) Unbelievable.

(Gareth and Ellie sit at the table for a long beat)

Are you okay?

GARETH
Yeah, you know, I just need to give you a little tip. If you want to make it work with Mattie.

ELLIE
Gareth, I -

GARETH
The saving people thing? It’s not a part-time thing, it’s who he is. And if you’re a stable person,
which I definitely think you are, you’re going to have a hard time keeping his attention. That’s
the job.

ELLIE
Sure, Gareth.

GARETH
But I’m here for you.

ELLIE
I know. Thanks, Gareth.

(Another long beat)

(Blackout)
 Exit Wound - 68

SCENE 5

(Beecher Park, night)

MATTHEW
(from off)
Stop...stop! My side - my side hurts -

JAMES
(entering with a pint bottle under his arm)
(clapping his hands)
C’mon! C’mon, you can do it!

MATTHEW
(entering, also with a pint bottle)
No! I can’t! It’s impossible.

JAMES
But I did it. Ten minutes, flat. The security camera footage proves it. C’mon!

MATTHEW
James, this place is huge. There’s no way you did it in ten minutes.

JAMES
Maybe. Maybe you’re just fat and slow.

MATTHEW
Fat and slow? They teach you some salty language at seminary, don’t they? Alright. (looks
around) In ten minutes, I bet you could run from the Beecher Building to...about the lake.
There’s no way you’d make it further.

JAMES
Spray painting the whole time, don’t forget.

MATTHEW
Oh right! No. Fuck it. There’s no way. Oh crap, my side…

JAMES
Roller blades.
 Exit Wound - 69

MATTHEW
What?

JAMES
Roller blades. That’s how I did it.

MATTHEW
Where did you get roller blades?

JAMES
I had them from before -

(breaks off wincing, and holding his side)

Sorry. Stupid - stupid -

MATTHEW
Hey, what’s wrong? James? Damn it, your appendix is probably failing. Or something. Ulcers.
Cancer. I don’t know! We need to get you to a doctor.

(he stands up to try and help, James leans on him)

JAMES
No - please don’t. I swear this is the best I’ve felt in weeks.

(they linger for a beat, until it gets awkward)

You can let go now.

MATTHEW
I can feel your pulse.

JAMES
Does it feel weak?

MATTHEW
I don’t know. How do you count that sort of thing? I just...like hearing your heart beating. It’s
nice.
 Exit Wound - 70

JAMES
(breaking away from him)
Bourbon always did make you amorous.

MATTHEW
True, true...I was just about to say - you know what, never mind. So! Rollerblades.

JAMES
Right. There’s where I started - you see that, the first of the white columns? That’s where I
started the right side.

MATTHEW
The right side?

JAMES
Of...you know. The cross. (beat) Not my finest moment.

MATTHEW
Are you sure about that? I think you stood a little straighter, just now.

(beat; they stare at one another)

JAMES
I’m very sorry for my actions.

(winces, touches his side)

MATTHEW
See? Did you see that?

JAMES
Matthew, of course I wish I hadn’t done it!

(another round of pain, worse this time)

MATTHEW
Oh my God - James, just say it! You’re fine with what you did. It’s okay! It doesn’t make you a
monster. Say it.
 Exit Wound - 71

JAMES
Say what?

MATTHEW
That you don’t regret it. C’mon, the Pope isn’t here. Dad’s not here.

JAMES
Fine.

(thinks long and hard before yelling)

I’m not sorry!

MATTHEW
There we go!

JAMES
In fact, I couldn’t be less sorry! I’m happy I did it! I’d do again!

MATTHEW
Yes!

JAMES
Maybe I will.

(begins to rummage through his backpack)

MATTHEW
What? Um. James?

JAMES
Except maybe I’ll remember to disable the security cameras this time - the ones we passed by the
gate. And I’ll have to deactivate the ankle monitor.

MATTHEW
Are you - are you serious? James?

JAMES
(looks up)
No, you idiot. I’m kidding. Ha! The look on your face...feels good to confess, though.
 Exit Wound - 72

MATTHEW
Then keep going.

JAMES
(after a pause)
Well. I’m still gay.

MATTHEW
Of course you are. Scream it from the rooftops!

JAMES
I’m still gay! I haven’t had sex in three years, but that doesn’t change anything!

MATTHEW
No, it does not! Wait. Three years?

JAMES
And it’s so hard, especially since - well. Never mind.

MATTHEW
No, no, go on. Say it. Confession is good for the soul.

JAMES
I’m in love with someone.

MATTHEW
Jesus. Someone in the seminary? That sounds problematic.

JAMES
(moving in)
No, someone...closer to me.

MATTHEW
(a little unnerved)
Spiritually? Or geographically?

JAMES
Someone I’ve known a long time.
 Exit Wound - 73

MATTHEW
(more unnerved)
Oh. How long are we talking? Like, ‘long’ is sort of a relative term, I think -

(beat)

You asshole. You’re kidding again, aren’t you.

JAMES
Your face!

MATTHEW
Well, how am I supposed to know? You’re rather a tease when you’re drunk, but you never so
much as crack a joke when you’re sober. I have no baseline.

JAMES
You really think I would open that can of worms again? That was a fucking disaster.

MATTHEW
What do you mean? You always seemed to like it!

JAMES
I like coming, Matthew. Everyone does.

MATTHEW
Oye, ick - don’t call it that. Don’t use that word.

JAMES
You’d rather call it love-making?

MATTHEW
Oh, Jesus. No, that’s not accurate. How about drunken dry-humping followed by climax and
intense shame?

JAMES
That’s right. I’m remembering better now. I think I was repressing the memories.

MATTHEW
Surely I wasn’t that bad?
 Exit Wound - 74

JAMES
Yes. But don’t take it personally. I...stifle a lot of things. About back then.

(beat)

This reminds me of high school, actually. Wild Turkey. Drunk in public places.

MATTHEW
You always wanted to get out of the house. You were always wandering around somewhere - I
figured I had to look after you.

JAMES
You were always running after me.

MATTHEW
You didn’t make it easy. You were always faster.

JAMES
Matthew.

MATTHEW
What?

JAMES
I appreciated it. I know I was a prick, but - I always wanted to say. Thanks for that. I really,
really admire that about you - how you’re always trying to make things right. Even when it’s
impossible.

MATTHEW
It’s a sad life.

JAMES
It’s noble.

(JAMES, cont’d)
I think Gareth’s probably gone by now. Should we go back, then or -

MATTHEW
Ellie’s pregnant.
 Exit Wound - 75

(beat)

JAMES
Oh, wow.

MATTHEW
That was my first reaction too, when she told me.

JAMES
I mean - Christ, I’m sorry - congratulations? Congratulations, that’s awesome.

MATTHEW
And that...was also my second reaction.

JAMES
How - how long -

MATTHEW
She’s fourteen weeks.

JAMES
But you’ve only been dating -

MATTHEW
Yes; thank you James; you’re a bonafide math wizard. We hooked up fourteen weeks ago after a
party, and then two months ago, she asked me to get coffee with her. To talk.

JAMES
But you haven’t told anyone?

MATTHEW
Of course not! Not yet. I mean, I would have told you. But she wants to tell her parents in person
when we see them next week. And then we’ll tell everyone.

JAMES
So you’re definitely - you’re definitely doing - the whole thing?

MATTHEW
It appears so.
 Exit Wound - 76

JAMES
You don’t seem excited.

MATTHEW
You know why I’m not. I’m not cut out to be a dad. I mean, my own father wouldn’t speak to me
at the end. (looks at James) What was Gareth talking about, by the way? When he said I should
ask you about that?

JAMES
I honestly have no idea. You know Gareth.

MATTHEW
Right. Just wants attention. Anyway. For some reason, the summer after senior year of high
school, Dad went from thinking I was salvageable to...assuming that I was not. I didn’t realize
how much I wanted him to bug me about everything until he just - checked out.

JAMES
And nothing...set it off?

MATTHEW
Not that I can figure out. I mean, it was probably everything. All at once. I was partying, and
driving drunk, and had bad friends, and had sex. A lot. With anyone and anything. I lost three
jobs that summer. Maybe eventually, Dad was like “fuck it,” and it wasn’t just one thing. I went
down far enough into the darkness.

JAMES
Oh, come on, that’s bleak.

MATTHEW
Is it? Actually, I think I’m handling the whole thing rather well. You should have seen me when
I told Ellie that, if she kept the baby, I would be supportive. My fingers - God, I was so scared! -
my fingers went numb! I was gripping the table, leaving sweat marks - but Christ Almighty, did I
put on a good show. If only Dad could have seen that -

(beat)

But it was just an act, after all. And I like Ellie - I mean - I really like Ellie. She’s so amazing. So
beautiful and self-assured and funny. Funny as hell. And cute. And strong. But there are cracks. I
can’t do this forever.
 Exit Wound - 77

(beat)

JAMES
I know what you mean.

MATTHEW
Hm?

JAMES
I’m thinking of leaving seminary. I mean - even before all of this happened. I have a lot doubts
about the priesthood, and I’m not sure I fit in.

MATTHEW
Then why do you want it so badly?

JAMES
Because it’s a family.

MATTHEW
But you have a family.

JAMES
I did, yes. And living with your family taught me that I need people. I need somewhere to
belong. But once I graduated - and you went off to college, and your dad started getting sick - I
was nowhere again. And I was no-one.

MATTHEW
James. Don’t join the priesthood.

JAMES
Matthew -

MATTHEW
You still have a family. And I know Gareth is needy and sort of a dick. Maybe my least-favorite
person ever, full stop. But I’m here for you - and I don’t know what’s going to happen with me
and Ellie, but I can tell, she already cares about you too. And we’re going to have a kid. And
then there’s mom - when she can remember she’s mom - and I know I’m not making much of a
case here -
 Exit Wound - 78

JAMES
You’re tired. And I’m exhausted.

MATTHEW
(hurt)
Right. Of course - sorry. We’ve got to get back, it’s almost ten. Here, give me the keys, let me
drive.

JAMES
You’re not driving. You’re wasted.

MATTHEW
I am not. (lunges for the keys)

JAMES
Matthew! I’m not joking.

MATTHEW
It’s my car! And I’m fine.

JAMES
Matthew, no, you could get someone killed - we’ll call an Uber.

MATTHEW
This time of night, it will be a small fortune. Give me the keys, it’s like five miles.

JAMES
Not a chance.

MATTHEW
(shouting)
Give me the keys!

JAMES
What is wrong with you?

MATTHEW
Nothing is wrong. Fine. Maybe I have a confession I want to make.
 Exit Wound - 79

JAMES
Well then say it! For fuck’s sake.

MATTHEW
Here it goes. I stopped calling because you stopped needing me.

JAMES
Jesus Christ.

MATTHEW
Because I’m...because I’m…

JAMES
Don’t you dare say it. See? This is the problem. You’re about to say something that you can’t
take back. And you’re all I have left, Matthew. Gareth has always secretly hated me, and our dad
is gone. Mom is gone. You’re it.

MATTHEW
Let me say it.

JAMES
And you’re drunk.

(Matthew kisses him)

You’re always more amorous when you’re drunk.

MATTHEW
Fine. I won’t say it.

JAMES
And I’m not going to let you drive. My place?

MATTHEW
Please.

JAMES
You’re going to ruin everything.
 Exit Wound - 80

MATTHEW
God, I hope so.

(kisses him again) (blackout)

 Exit Wound - 81

SCENE 6

(Back in James’ flat) (A curtain is still concealing the bed) (Matthew’s pants and shirt are flung
over the couch)

(Matthew comes from around the curtain, haphazardly dressed and without any pants) (he looks
around and slowly makes his way over to the kitchen area) (he pours himself a cup of coffee and
massages his forehead)

(The bathroom door opens and James comes out) (He’s also half-dressed, but a bit more put-
together)

(Matthew and James are a little startled to see one another, but then break into embarrassed
smiles) (Matthew turns back to his coffee while James goes over to the bed, finds his pants and
sits down to put them on) (Matthew sits across from him and begins trying to tap James’ leg with
his foot)

JAMES
Yes. Do you need something?

MATTHEW
James.

JAMES
What?

MATTHEW
Did we have sex last night?

JAMES
No.

MATTHEW
That’s what I thought. But I wasn’t sure.

JAMES
Not for your lack of trying.

MATTHEW
Really? Do tell. I was so wasted, I don’t remember - (James leans in to kiss him)
 Exit Wound - 82

(MATTHEW, cont’d)
Ah yes. It’s all coming back to me now.

JAMES
Oh stop it. You’re making fun of me.

MATTHEW
I am not! No, no, it was nice.

JAMES
It was nice?

MATTHEW
Sort of like when we were kids. Nostalgic.

JAMES
You did manage to get your pants off this time.

MATTHEW
So a little better. Although that’s odd - what did we actually manage to do last night?

JAMES
You know, it’s sort of offensive that you don’t remember anything. But if you must know, you
were petting me and moving up and down my leg when -

MATTHEW
Stop. Stop. That’s enough.

JAMES
Also, has anyone ever told you that you talk like you’re in a porn? Or was that only for my
benefit?

MATTHEW
What in the hell are you talking about?

JAMES
(in a breathy voice)
‘Do you like that? Do you like what I’m doing to you? Feel how hard I’m getting. I’m so super
hard. You’re going to love this cock.’
 Exit Wound - 83

MATTHEW
That doesn’t sound like me.

JAMES
And then, it started to get really weird. Like, all of a sudden it got all awkwardly romantic.
‘James, I love you, it’s always been you, you’re everything, this is the only thing I want…’

(beat)

MATTHEW
Well, it sounds like I have some backtracking to do.

JAMES
Shut up. I know you didn’t mean it. But I can’t lie it was...pretty intense. Kind of sexy?

MATTHEW
No way! It was?

JAMES
You basically talked me into an orgasm. Which has - never happened. Ever.

MATTHEW
Well, ha! It has been three years though, right?

(long beat) (finally, they burst out laughing)

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. James!

JAMES
I don’t know! What do you want me to say?

MATTHEW
Ah...this is rubbish. And this coffee is terrible.

JAMES
Is it?

MATTHEW
Needs whiskey.
 Exit Wound - 84

JAMES
Ah. Top cupboard, left of the oven.

MATTHEW
Thanks. Um. You know, James, I -

(beat)

Actually, let’s do whiskey first, then talk.

(he’s about to get up, when James begins to tap Matthew’s ankle with his foot)

(they sit in silence for a moment, then break into light laughter)

I’m just going to -

JAMES
Right.

MATTHEW
My boxer shorts feel like -

JAMES
I know.

(Matthew exits into the bathroom) (James goes into the kitchen and pours himself coffee, then he
retrieves the bottle of whiskey and adds a generous amount)

(speaking toward the bathroom door) You know, I’m thinking the priesthood isn’t for me.
Maybe. After all.

MATTHEW
(from inside the bathroom)
Glad to hear it. You know, I never thought black was your color.

JAMES
I’m being serious.
 Exit Wound - 85

MATTHEW
Well, that’s...good. Do what you’d like. I’ll support you, whichever way you go. You know that,
right?

JAMES
I know.

(he pulls out his phone and stares at it) (he dials a number and it rings) (after a few moments,
James walks away from the bathroom door)

Dean Farris, it’s me. Sorry - it’s - it’s James. Listen, I’ve been thinking...actually, could you call
me back when you get the chance? Thanks.

(he hangs up the phone and looks at it a moment) (he then catches his reflection in the mirror
and addresses his reflection)

Maybe I’m just not cut out for the priesthood. I’ve been thinking -

(a knock at the door startles him) (James looks toward the bathroom, but Matthew doesn’t say
anything - he hasn’t noticed the knocking) (as James eyes the door again, the knocking gets a bit
louder) (James walks over to the door and looks through the eyehole)

JAMES
Oh no.

GARETH
(through the door)
Jimmy, I know you’re in there. The peep-hole just went dark. And if you think I’m going away -

JAMES
(opening the door)
Yes. Hi, Gareth. I’m a bit busy right now -

(Gareth pushes past him, into the room)

But...come on in.

GARETH
Is Mattie here? I thought I heard him - (notices Matthew’s pants and shirt, which are still on the
couch)
 Exit Wound - 86

(GARETH, cont’d)
Okay. Okay then. I should’ve said something last night.

(beat)

JAMES
Can I help you, Gareth?

GARETH
You two are...something else. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it.

JAMES
‘It’? What are you talking about?

GARETH
Matthew! (pulls aside curtain concealing the bed) Matthew!

JAMES
Can I help you?

GARETH
Matthew! How could you do this again? And do this to Ellie?

MATTHEW
(from inside the bathroom)
Go away, Gareth…

JAMES
Yeah. Why don’t you fuck off?

GARETH
Oh, wow. If only the priests heard you talking that way! Does it not occur to you how messed up
this whole situation is?

MATTHEW
(opening the bathroom door; now wearing James’ sweatpants)
Messed up? Jesus, Gareth. We’re consenting adults. We’re not actually related.
 Exit Wound - 87

GARETH
Mattie. You don’t even know how messed up it is.

MATTHEW
It’s sex, Gareth. I mean, it was sort of sex. Dry humping with lofty intentions. It’s not murder or
drowning puppies, or -

GARETH
That’s not what I mean. You think I care about that - that - stuff? Jesus, I never said word one
when you were with that - what was his name again? - that guy. With the muscles.

JAMES
Wow. With the muscles?

MATTHEW
His name was Gene. He was very nice.

GARETH
Yeah. And did I ever complain about Alyssa from the strip club? - who I still think was stealing
from us, by the way. Or anyone else in the parade of weirdos? No. Matthew, you don’t realize,
do you? You don’t know what James said.

MATTHEW
What? What are you talking about? Go bother someone else, Gareth.

GARETH
You didn’t ask him, did you?

JAMES
Gareth, you need to leave.

GARETH
So ask him.

MATTHEW
Ask him? You mean, about Dad?

JAMES
Matthew, don’t -
 Exit Wound - 88

MATTHEW
Don’t what?

GARETH
See? See, he doesn’t want you to ask -

JAMES
There’s nothing to tell.

MATTHEW
What about Dad?

GARETH
He’s the reason. He’s the reason, Mattie!

JAMES
Don’t listen to him - Matthew - don’t listen to him.

MATTHEW
Listen to what? Will you both just shut up a moment? Jesus. Okay. What is so important? Dad
stopped talking to me because I - because I couldn’t measure up. Okay. We all know that.

JAMES
That’s not true. That’s not - entirely true.

GARETH
Jimmy! You didn’t tell him. How could you not tell him?

JAMES
Alright, shut up a second. (to Matthew) I told Dad some stuff. I told him - I told him -

(beat; James struggles, but can’t manage to say another word)

MATTHEW
You told him about us. Oh my God.

(very long beat)

 Exit Wound - 89

(MATTHEW, cont’d)
Dad was a hardass, but really, he only had one rule. And he never said it. But we knew it.
Because it was everything. Everything - to him.

GARETH
Don’t hurt the foster kids.

MATTHEW
He thought I hurt you.

GARETH
I’m sorry, Mattie. I thought you knew.

MATTHEW
(to James; quietly)
Why?

(beat)

GARETH
What, Mattie?

MATTHEW
(to James)
Why? Why, why, why, why? Why you ungrateful little - you didn’t - you didn’t appreciate -

JAMES
I did. Matthew, I did. That’s why I told him. I couldn’t lose Dave. I couldn’t lose the family. I
had to protect it - I thought I was protecting it -

MATTHEW
Jesus! No. No, no, no. He didn’t speak to me - for six years, he barely spoke to me - oh my God!

GARETH
Dad told me. Right before he died. He said that Jimmy was afraid of being sent away.

JAMES
I was. I was scared out of my mind, Mattie -
 Exit Wound - 90

MATTHEW
What did you say?

JAMES
What do you think? I don’t know! That we - that we screwed around, that we did kid stuff!

MATTHEW
To my father! My dad! The man who raised me, who held me as a baby, you looked him in the
eyes and said that we screwed around in bed. You said that to his face.

JAMES
I’m sorry.

MATTHEW
Oh. Well. (beat; to Gareth) He’s sorry. So. Well then. I’m going to go home now.

GARETH
Okay, Mattie.

MATTHEW
(gathering his clothes)
I just need to -

GARETH
You don’t need to say another word, Mattie. That’s right. Get your things. I’ll drive you home.

MATTHEW
I don’t need you to fucking drive me home.

JAMES
Matthew, I’m sorry.

MATTHEW
No. No you’re not. You’re never sorry. And maybe, last night, that was funny but in the light of
day it just seems kind of sad and messed up.

(he leaves in a hurry, Gareth following behind but lingering at the door)
 Exit Wound - 91

GARETH
(to James)
You know what Dad’s biggest regret was, when he died? Not that he had pushed Mattie out of
his life. But he was still convinced he hadn’t done right by you. Honestly, when he told me that -
I couldn’t decide which one of you I hated more. And I’d never hated anyone. Not in my life.

(he exits) (Left alone, James stands in stunned silence for a moment, then goes to pour himself a
drink) (he starts to pour coffee, then goes straight for the bourbon) (he takes a long drink, then
smashes his glass onto the counter) (he does this with such force, the glass shatters)

JAMES
Shit! Oh, goddamn it!

(His phone rings as he’s trying to pick up the glass) (he pulls it out, looks at the number, and
answers quickly)

Father Farris! Thank you so much for returning my call. I’m sorry to call you so early - well - I
guess it’s eleven. Um. But I got the message from your assistant, and I just wanted to confirm the
details. Uh-huh. Great. Any chance we could move the hearing up? No, that’s okay. Just eager to
get back to it, I had a paper due for Father Melvin, and I - oh! Really? Yes! Yes, I was just
working on it now. Oh, he’s there? Well, yes, if he’s willing to discuss it now that would be
wonderful!

(He realizes he’s cut himself on the glass and is bleeding) (he tries to blot the injury as he talks)

Hello Father Melvin, how are you? Oh, okay, in that case, how are you Tom? I’m doing great.
So about the paper. What? No, no, I’m not doing anything. You have my full attention.

(Blackout)
 Exit Wound - 92

ACT 2

SCENE 1

(James’ flat; the morning of another day)

(James comes out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in his mouth, flipping through his phone) (he
goes over to the coffee machine and flips it on) (While that’s going, he finishes brushing his teeth
and comes back into the bathroom) (He then goes over to the bedroom and comes back out with
a neatly-folded button-up shirt) (He starts putting it on, looking into the mirror)

(He regards the mirror with revulsion) (once his shirt is on, he straightens, adjusts the collars of
his sleeves, and takes a deep breath)

JAMES
Listen, I’m just very sorry -

(beat; the room is dead quiet)

(after a moment, the ambient noise of cars and voices from the street below begins again)

But you don’t believe me.

(knock at the door)

(James stares at the door, surprised)

ELLIE
(from outside)
James? (pause) It’s Ellie. (pause) It’s important.

(James just keeps staring; there’s a beat before she resumes knocking again)

Hey! I said it’s important!

JAMES
(startled into action)
Right, sorry! Coming!
 Exit Wound - 93

(JAMES, cont’d)
(he goes over the door, but not before he carefully rolls up one of his socks to cover his ankle
monitor)

(he opens the door)

Yes?

(Ellie just stares at him for several beats - clearly angry and conflicted)

Do you want to...come in?

ELLIE
No.

JAMES
Is something wrong?

ELLIE
(after a pause)
Yeah. Actually, yes, I’m coming in.

JAMES
Of course. Listen, Ellie, I’m sorry -

ELLIE
(entering the apartment)
Yeah, no, shut up. I don’t care.

JAMES
You don’t believe that I’m sorry?

ELLIE
(after a pause; considering him)
Do you know I’m pregnant? (pause) Okay. Matthew told you.

JAMES
Yeah. What’s going on? Because I have this committee hearing in three hours.
 Exit Wound - 94

ELLIE
I won’t take three hours. I just need some help - with something - and I’d rather make it fast
because I kind of hate being here. I can’t believe I’m here...but I can’t find Matthew. This was
literally the last place I have to look.

JAMES
Well, he’s not here. I think he kind of hates me now.

ELLIE
No, James, I hate you. Because I actually have the ability to nurse grudges and hold people at
fault for the shitty things they do. Matthew doesn’t. (pause) You know I really thought he might
be here. I was already working myself up to be really, really mad about that. (getting a little
tearful) And now I don’t know where he is.

JAMES
Well, okay, he’s probably just out with friends somewhere. Let’s see. I would call Anna, and Joe,
and the other Anna - the one married to Bryan -

ELLIE
I’ve tried everybody. Nobody knows where he is.

JAMES
How long has he been - gone? Missing?

ELLIE
Five days. I know, I know, I thought the same thing you did at first. That he was just off
somewhere - maybe - maybe with another woman -

JAMES
Oh no, that’s ridiculous. Matthew would never do that.

ELLIE
Is it? Oh thank God. I thought Matthew was the kind of guy who would abandon his pregnant
wife to the creepy attentions of his brother Gareth, even though she made them dinner, so he
could go cavorting around with some guy named James before coming back to his apartment -

JAMES
Okay, you can stop, I see where this is going.
 Exit Wound - 95

ELLIE
You both are stupid assholes. And if you know where he is, I swear to God -

JAMES
I don’t! I don’t know.

ELLIE
James, he was in really bad shape. Like, he couldn’t even meet my parents last weekend, he was
so sad and drunk and overwhelmed. He missed a deadline from his publisher.

JAMES
That sounds bad. But I haven’t seen him, I promise. Okay?

ELLIE
Okay. For one second, try and appreciate how sucky it is for me to be here, asking for your help.
And really think about this. I don’t know what happened between you two, but whatever it was -
if he was trying to deal with it, where we he go?

JAMES
It really - hurt him?

ELLIE
Yeah. He’s been like a dumb animal, I can’t reach him.

JAMES
Ellie, I don’t know. I don’t know him that well anymore.

ELLIE
Oh come on. He’s basically the same person he was back then.

(long beat)

JAMES
I know where he is.

ELLIE
What? Really?

JAMES
It’s not far, just outside of the city.
 Exit Wound - 96

ELLIE
Okay! Great. Um, let me grab my phone – I think I left it in the car -

JAMES
(to himself)
I can probably be back by the committee hearing. Right? Right.

ELLIE
(hearing this)
Wait. Wait, wait, wait a minute. I’m going. Give me the address, I’ll put it in my phone.

JAMES
It has to be me.

ELLIE
No, that’s ridiculous. You’ve done enough.

JAMES
I know I broke him. But I also know how to fix him.

ELLIE
People are people, James, they are not kitchen appliances. Besides, I thought Matthew was the
one who did the saving.

JAMES
He does. And I have to be the one to go, because I have to let him save me.

(beat)

ELLIE
You are the most messed-up family and I don’t understand you at all.

JAMES
Trust me on this. If he’s where I think he is -

ELLIE
Which is where?
 Exit Wound - 97

JAMES
Even if I told you, you wouldn’t get it. He’s basically somewhere that belongs to the past,
somewhere you can’t go.

ELLIE
I can’t go? Really?

JAMES
Frankly, I don’t think you’d want to go. You’re his future. (pause) And besides. I owe him this. I
need to at least try and make it right.

(long beat; Ellie paces)

ELLIE
You know how Gareth thinks he’s really smart, but he’s usually full of crap?

JAMES
Yeah.

ELLIE
He said I was going to have a hard time keeping Matthew’s attention. That the man I’m crazy
about is always going to be more interested in helping other people than being with me.

JAMES
That’s the job.

(beat)

ELLIE
What?

JAMES
That’s the job?

ELLIE
Gareth said that too…

JAMES
That’s what Dad used to say.
 Exit Wound - 98

ELLIE
And your Mom? Your foster-mother, I mean. It didn’t escape me, that nobody was talking about
her at that horrible dinner. It’s like she didn’t exist for you guys. But she must have been there,
the whole time you were growing up.

JAMES
She was.

ELLIE
And she was fine, sharing her husband with crap kids like you? (pause) I’m sorry.

JAMES
To be honest, she never spent much time with me. Matthew didn’t tell you? She was a nurse for,
like, forty years. When she came home, she only had enough energy to put up with her own kids.
The fostering was really Dave’s thing.

ELLIE
Oh.

JAMES
Ellie, I’m sorry if I -

ELLIE
No, you’re right. You need to go. You can make it in three hours?

JAMES
Wow. Um. Yeah, okay. I’ll certainly try. But I’m worried about the hearing, I was going to
practice -

ELLIE
Give me your apology. Right now.

JAMES
(after a deep breath)
I am truly, deeply sorry.

ELLIE
Eh. Well. You weren’t going to fix that in three hours, anyway. (they both head toward the door,
but she turns around) When you see Matthew, tell him to call me. And if he acts scared about
that, tell him to grow a pair.
 Exit Wound - 99

JAMES
Sure thing.

(Ellie exits)

(James doubles-back for a second, and speaks to the mirror)

I’m sorry.

(pause)

I’m so sorry, Matthew. I really messed up. I’m an awful, selfish person, and I would give
anything to take it back.

(pause)

I mean it. I’m sorry.

(he lingers; lights fade)

 Exit Wound - 100

SCENE 2

(In a traditional, PROTESTANT CHURCH) (lamps hang from vaulted ceilings and steps go up
to a simple wooden altar and a podium) (Matthew is sitting on one of the pews, facing the altar,
a pint bottle in his hand) (Next to him, there is a grocery bag full of more pint bottles, some
empty, some full)

(After a beat, Matthew stumbles up to the podium) (he grabs the sides and stares out over the
pews) (He seems about ready to slip to the ground when James enters and stands at the back
pew)

(They stare at each other for a moment) (James sits down at the back pew and waits)

MATTHEW
Do you think I look like him?

JAMES
No.

(beat; Matthew clears his throat)

MATTHEW
(in a preacher’s voice, with a bit of a slur)
Today’s passage comes from Luke 15:11-32. There was a man who had two sons. The younger
one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ As you do. So the father divided
his estate, fifty-fifty, for each of his sons. The younger son took the money and spent it on
whores and video games and other fun stuff.

So he spent everything, until he was in need and had to feed pigs for a living. He was so hungry,
that even the pig slop began to look delicious. When he remembered how well the servants ate at
his father’s house, he realized he should return and ask to be made a servant. He certainly wasn’t
worthy to be called a son.

(pause)
This next part is a doozy. Ahem. But while he - the son - was still a long way off, his father saw
him and was filled with compassion and grace. He literally ran to his son, and they were
hugging, kissing, crying, just slobbering all over one another. The son gave his little speech, but
the father accepted him back as a son, not a servant. The father called for a great feast to be
prepared and the whole house began to celebrate.
 Exit Wound - 101

(MATTHEW, cont’d)
The older son - whose name was Matthew - was still in the field. When he came near the house,
he heard the music and saw the dancing. And the Bible tells us that he was pissed off that the
father was giving a party for his younger brother, since the older son had been there the whole
time. But I think there’s a chance that old Matthew was just insecure. I mean, he was a kid. He
had worked really hard and screwed up so many times, but at least he had been there. He had
been there the whole time.
But what no-one realized was that Matthew going to keep being a giant problem. Because he had
seen what had worked so well for the youngest son, and thought he might give it a try. And it
went super poorly. Because equity in grace demands unequal portions, and I was fattened with
enough forgiveness to absolve the world. But I kept it all for myself, and squandered it.

JAMES
You’re overthinking.

MATTHEW
We all have our talents.

JAMES
Ellie’s worried about you.

MATTHEW
Oh, she should be. She’s about to have my baby, and it’s going to have all of my issues. Not to
mention, she wants me to help raise it. She has no idea what she’s getting into.

JAMES
Actually, I think she does. You don’t give her enough credit.

MATTHEW
I know she’s too good for me. Did she send you? (James nods) Does she know why we fell out?

JAMES
I don’t think she cares. She just wants you to come back, and to stop getting drunk.

MATTHEW
Tell her this bender needs about another six days.

JAMES
You drink for six days, you’ll die.

MATTHEW
Stop lecturing me. You of all fucking people. No - no - I’m sorry, I don’t blame you. It was me. I
should’ve known better. Of course you told Dad, and he was going to find out sooner or later.
We weren’t exactly subtle.
 Exit Wound - 102

JAMES
I am sorry, if that matters. I’m sorry I told him. I’m sorry Gareth found out.

MATTHEW
Yes, Gareth knowing was indeed, the worst part. I’m not even joking. He keeps trying to call me.

JAMES
He’s probably worried, too.

MATTHEW
And you, James? Are you worried? After all the horrible things I said to you, I suppose not.

JAMES
Horrible things? Are you out of your mind? Matthew, I’m so sorry for what happened. It’s my
fault. Why can’t you see that?

MATTHEW
That apology did seem genuine, actually. I’m shocked. I thought you didn’t apologize for
anything.

JAMES
How could I not be sorry? If I had known - you know what, no. This is ridiculous. You’re
coming back to my flat. Jesus - my committee meeting’s in an hour. Look. I’m sorry. I forgive
you. It’s over, you can come back now.

MATTHEW
(sitting in a front-row pew)
No. If you need to go, just go. Go to your priests. I hope you ace your hearing, I really do.

(beat)

(James marches up to the front, opens the Bible)

What are you doing?

JAMES
In Luke, chapter 15, verse 32, the father says to the older brother something like, ‘Rejoice and be
glad, because your brother was dead, and now he is raised to life. What was lost is now found.’
But I don’t believe that. I don’t believe him. Until his brother forgave him, he was not really
going to be home.

MATTHEW
Well. The Bible is the infallible word of God, though. It can’t be wrong.
 Exit Wound - 103

JAMES
I’m not saying the story is wrong. I’m saying, the father doesn’t know that a prodigal whose
brother has rejected him, can never really return to the same house.

MATTHEW
I never, ever rejected you.

JAMES
Yes, you did. The second you started treating me like I needed your help. I never needed a savior
- I never needed a lover, or a father. I needed a brother. I could use a brother now, actually.

MATTHEW
Well too bad, because I’m drunk.

(James comes down from the podium and they sit together)

JAMES
A drunk brother’s fine.

(beat) (Matthew offers James a drink, and he takes it)

That was a good sermon.

MATTHEW
You really think so?

JAMES
Except the analogy falls apart a little, when you think about it. Your father wasn’t really God.

MATTHEW
Though sometimes, I think he thought so. I can’t blame him. I thought so too.

JAMES
Do you remember that -

MATTHEW
Yup.
 Exit Wound - 104

JAMES
How do you know what I was going to ask?

MATTHEW
When we got Grand Theft Auto for the Playstation. For Christmas. And dad hadn’t taken the
time to check it out.

JAMES
I really did think your mother was going to have an aneurysm. Jesus Christ.

MATTHEW
Not in the fucking church, James.

JAMES
Well you just said ‘fuck’!

MATTHEW
Not the same thing. Taking the Lord’s name in vain is one of the commandments. Fuck is just
another for ‘have sex with.’ Or ‘lie with,’ if you’re a King James man.

JAMES
(looking around)
Stop it. I swear, if old Mrs. Wilcox still works here -

MATTHEW
In fact, if you accept such terms are synonymous, the Bible is full of R-rated language. “But I
say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already fucked her in his
heart.”

JAMES
Stop it.

MATTHEW
“But among you, there must not be a hint of fuckery.” “Let us go early to the vineyards to see if
the vines ave budded, if their blossoms have opened - there I will give you my dick.”

JAMES
Stop it!
 Exit Wound - 105

MATTHEW
How about this one? “So whenever Onan went in to fuck his brother’s wife he would waste his
jizz on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother.”

JAMES
Matthew, I mean it, I’m going to kill you. How do you have all these verses memorized?

MATTHEW
Are you kidding me? I can recite the entire Song of Solomon. That was the only titillation I got
until I was, like, sixteen.

JAMES
Ha! No wonder you were so eager to hump me.

(beat; Matthew clearly doesn’t find this funny)

Laugh, Matthew. I made a joke.

MATTHEW
It’s too soon.

JAMES
Laugh at it!

MATTHEW
Oh - ha-ha! I’m only laughing because I’m afraid of you!

JAMES
You should be. You’re not allowed to feel bad about that anymore. Okay?

MATTHEW
Yes, okay, fine.

JAMES
And you need to come up with a fitting punishment for me. I mean it. You don’t have to hate me,
but give me the chance to earn you back. Don’t just forgive me.

MATTHEW
I forgive you.
 Exit Wound - 106

JAMES
Matthew!

MATTHEW
I’m sorry! I can’t help it!

JAMES
Wait. What time is it?

MATTHEW
I don’t know - almost three?

JAMES
Matthew, my hearing’s at four-thirty!

MATTHEW
In the city! Oh crap!

JAMES
I gotta go.

MATTHEW
Let me come with you. I think I need a ride. And I can’t let you go until I figure out how to make
things up with you.

JAMES
Fine, just hurry up.

(James starts to race out of the church, until he realizes Matthew isn’t following - instead, he’s
staring at the podium)

You coming? Matthew. Before Mrs. Wilcox finds us - or whatever substitute-crone they’ve got
working here now. Please?

MATTHEW
Yeah, I’m coming. If you want me to.

JAMES
Unless you want to stay. Do you really want to stay here?
 Exit Wound - 107

MATHEW
No. This place gives me the creeps now.

JAMES
Good.

(They go out) (The lights linger on the altar, before blackout)

 Exit Wound - 108

SCENE 3

(In the Dean’s offices) (AT RISE the dean’s ASSISTANT is working at the desk)

(Matthew and James burst in after a few moments, both looking a little disheveled and walking
at a quick speed)

JAMES
(to Matthew, as they approach the assistant’s desk)
Okay, okay, we wait made it. What time is it?

MATTHEW
Four thirty-five. You’re good. Oh, my heart, my lungs…

ASSISTANT
Can I help you?

JAMES
I have an appointment with Dean Farris. And the disciplinary committee? We’re a little late.

ASSISTANT
That shouldn’t be a problem. Let’s see...you’re James Lloyd?

JAMES
That’s right.

ASSISTANT
It just says you’re to meet the conference room. Can you wait a minute?

JAMES
Yes. Absolutely.

(The assistant goes out)

(beat; James and Matthew break into nervous laughter)

MATTHEW
I thought you were going to kill us. I really thought: this is how I die. My brother is going to skid
off some overpass and we’re going to careen over the guardrails and roll into oncoming traffic.
 Exit Wound - 109

JAMES
You really had it all thought out!

MATTHEW
That seemed like the most likely scenario. Though I did experience flashes of despair when you
ran that red light. And when you took that left turn! What was up with that hand signal? (holds
out his hand in a stopping motion) That’s not a hand signal! That’s not a thing!

JAMES
Of course it is! It means ‘stop’!

MATTHEW
You were almost in my lap trying to get them to see you. And they still honked.

JAMES
Well, they stopped.

MATTHEW
Another way I thought it might die, is that guy in the Tundra really looked like he was going to
kick out his door and come out with a shotgun. Actually, he didn’t really need one. Did you see
him? He was huge. Could have taken us by the throats and banged our heads together.

JAMES
How do you come up with all of this stuff?

MATTHEW
Overactive imagination. It’s a curse.

JAMES
You know, I used to envy that about you.

MATTHEW
Really? Why?

JAMES
Everything was a story to you, no matter how crazy or just terrible. Do you remember when Dad
made us go on that awful camping trip? (Matthew bursts out laughing)

Hey, shh! This is an office.

 Exit Wound - 110

MATTHEW
With the canoe...and all the spiders in the cabin…

JAMES
All I remember is being sopping wet, all my cash was wet, Dad was furious because you were
the one who tipped us over -

MATTHEW
Gareth kept telling Dad that, ‘if he had beaten me more when I was young’ -

JAMES
Sheesh, I forgot about that. Well, Gareth lost his Boy Scouts of America LED gel flashlight.

MATTHEW
That he did, that he did…I just remembering being so tired, and then finding out there were no
beds in that little cabin. So you could be eye-level with all of the spiders.

JAMES
But you made it sound like it was all this great adventure! You were so in your own head. We
were what, fifteen? I was obsessed with sex, and skin care, and trying to figure out how to land a
car. And there you were, pretending you were an explorer or something.

MATTHEW
A traveller on the Oregon Trail, actually. Captain of a wagon train, perhaps about to be the
victim of a mutiny. But even I came back to reality when we woke up covered in spider-bites.
There was no imagining your way out of that one.

JAMES
Weren’t we supposed to have another two days there?

MATTHEW
Yup. But we were all reacting so badly to the spider poison, Dad drove us straight back to the
city and we all get shots. In the ass!

JAMES
Matthew! Shh! Are you still drunk?

MATTHEW
Technically, yes. But no...I’m here for you. Let’s have a look.
 Exit Wound - 111

(MATTHEW, cont’d)
(turns James to face him and straightens his shirt)

There we are. The picture of innocence. Maybe we should have looked at having you shave, but
it’s too late now.

JAMES
And yet you bring it up. Nice.

(Assistant comes back in)

Okay. Here we go. And oh hey, just remember: you’re a good student. They want you here.
That’s what Mom kept telling me after I streaked the green in college.

ASSISTANT
The dean is ready for you.

JAMES
Thank you. I feel good.

MATTHEW
Good. I’ll be right here. Good luck.

(He sits, and James looks at him, then looks away - clearly wanting to say something)

ASSISTANT
Um, this way.

JAMES
Yes! Sorry. Sorry.

(he turns to go out, but Dean Farris suddenly enters)

DEAN FARRIS
James! I thought I’d come collect you myself. Sitting is the new smoking, they say. How are
you, son?

JAMES
Good. Good, thank you, Father.
 Exit Wound - 112

DEAN FARRIS
You ready? The rest of the committee is in the conference room.

JAMES
(looks at Matthew, who gives him a thumbs-up)
Yes, I think so.

DEAN FARRIS
Great, this way. Good to see you, Matthew. Nice of you to be here. (to James, who is cringing
and holding his side) Are you alright, James?

JAMES
Oh? Yes! Sorry, just a little heartburn. Sorry I’m late.

DEAN FARRIS
(exiting, with James and Assistant)
No, not at all, I expect this will be a quick meeting. Actually, I hope we have some good news
for you…

(Trails off as they exit) (Matthew is left alone) (he sits for a few moments, until he finally opens
his phone) (He closes it again) (Opens; closes; until he finally pushes the screen a few times and
holds the phone to his ear)

MATTHEW
(after listening for a moment)
Yes, it’s me.

(pause)

I’m with James.

(pause)

Okay, I’m sitting in the office of some priests - I swear, there’s a publication called the Catholic
Digest right in front of me - but if I wasn’t here I would advise you to calm the ‘eff’ down, and
please don’t lose you ‘ess,’ I’m totally fine.

(pause)
 Exit Wound - 113

(MATTHEW; cont’d)

Yes. I am a huge d-word.

(pause)

Yes, I know. Not when the baby’s around. I understand, Ell!

(pause)

But it’s just, I don’t know! Yes, of course I can move forward. But must it follow that I put on a
big smile on my face and just pretend like nothing’s ever wrong?

(pause)

Yes? Well, that was easy.

(pause; drumming his fingers)

Ellie? (pause) You can’t change the wallpaper in the living room.

(quickly hangs up)

(Matthew smiles, self-satisfied) (His phone rings, and he waits for a while before picking it up)

Hello? Why Ell, what a surprise. Of course I was serious, it’s my home.

(James re-enters with Dean Farris and the Assistant, holding his side, clearly in pain)

Ell, I’m going to have to call you back. (hangs up the phone) What’s wrong?

JAMES
Nothing - just - couldn’t breathe -

DEAN FARRIS
He said it’s indigestion, but I think we should be on the safe side and call an ambulance. James,
how long has this been going on?

JAMES
Spasms - every few hours - they usually go away.
 Exit Wound - 114

DEAN FARRIS
Do you have any other symptoms?

JAMES
No - maybe - I don’t know!

MATTHEW
What happened? Did you try and make him apologize?

JAMES
Yes...

DEAN FARRIS
We were just saying, actually, that we were going to put him through a disciplinary process that
did not involve expulsion.

JAMES
And I’m so grateful - ahhh! (he falls forward, and Matthew catches him) Mattie, it’s really bad.

DEAN FARRIS
That does it. (to Assistant) Call 9-11. (The Assistant nods and gets on the phone, quietly making
the call)

JAMES
No - Dean Farris, I need to say something to the committee.

DEAN FARRIS
Another time, James. Here, let’s put some chairs together -

JAMES
I can’t be a priest. I’m so grateful, but I just can’t.

DEAN FARRIS
James, we can talk about this later. Please, son, just try and relax.

JAMES
No, I mean it. I love my brother, and his girlfriend is having a baby, and I need to be there for
him.
 Exit Wound - 115

MATTHEW
Don’t be crazy. (to Dean Farris) He’s crazy. All he wants is to be a priest.

JAMES
No, all I wanted was to be a part of a family. But you’re it.

MATTHEW
James, I don’t deserve to be in your family.

JAMES
I don’t care.

DEAN FARRIS
I’m sure we can work this out, when you’re better.

JAMES
We can’t work it out. Because I’m also super gay.

DEAN FARRIS
What? No you’re not.

MATTHEW
He is, actually. James? James! There you are. Okay, stay with me, kid.

DEAN FARRIS
Son? Can you hear me?

ASSISTANT
They’re on their way.

DEAN FARRIS
Thank you. Just hang in there, James. Help is almost here.

JAMES
Help...help me…(closes his eyes)

MATTHEW
James? James! Help is coming, help is coming. Help is almost here. James!

(Blackout)
 Exit Wound - 116

SCENE 4
(James’ Flat) (The couch is still present, and a small TV is now center, if it wasn’t there before)
(Most everything else has been packed away in boxes) (The boxes are in stacks near the door)

(Matthew comes out of the bathroom, carrying a box with towels on top, which he adds to the
pile) (There is a knock on the door, which he goes to answer)

MATTHEW
Coming!

(He opens the door) (Ellie, visibly more pregnant, comes in with a box of cleaning supplies)

Hey babe. Let me take those.

ELLIE
Thanks. The smell was killing me. Wow! You’re almost finished.

MATTHEW
(taking cleaning products to kitchen)
I’ll get there. How did it go?

ELLIE
Went okay! I think.

MATTHEW
I’m sure it went great. World’s best lawyer.

(James enters from the front door, lugging a carpet-cleaner)

James, be careful! You’re not supposed to be lifting things! Damn it, let me help you.

JAMES
Thanks. It’s okay, though, I don’t feel any pain.

MATTHEW
Well, it won’t stay that way if your heart rate gets too high. (props the carpet-cleaner against the
door, holding it open) We’re about to start cleaning, so for Ellie’s sake, let’s just let the fumes
escape.
 Exit Wound - 117

JAMES
Into my landlord’s hallway. Chemical smog is always a nice parting gift.

ELLIE
James, did you think it went well?

JAMES
Hey, Matthew. See for yourself. (rolls up his pant leg - no ankle monitor)

MATTHEW
Nice!

ELLIE
I think the big thing now will be getting ready for the civil case. That sleazebag lawyer friend of
Gareth’s is going to be a problem.

MATTHEW
But what about all of the community service?

JAMES
Yup. And a massive fine.

MATTHEW
Geez.

JAMES
We’ll figure it out. Ellie, you totally saved my life. If they had classified it as a hate crime -

ELLIE
Oh, come on. It might have helped that you’re gay.

MATTHEW
Super gay.

JAMES
What?
 Exit Wound - 118

MATTHEW
Don’t you remember? That’s what you told Dean Farris, right before you blacked out. Babe, it
was hilarious. James said he was gay, but I don’t think the father would have believed him
without the words ‘super gay.’ The ‘super’ kind of upped the believability.

JAMES
I don’t remember that at all. That was so bad.

(winces, holds his side)

Okay, maybe I overdid it - sorry -

MATTHEW
That’s fine, that’s fine, no need to apologize, just go sit on the couch. (helps him over) You rest
up. And hey! Wait until you see what I’ve found. It’s amazing.

(he runs into the bathroom)

(Ellie picks up a folder from on top of one of the boxes)

ELLIE
Does this need to get packed somewhere?

JAMES
Oh no, that’s the stuff for the certification. You can just leave it there - I have to finish that
tonight.

ELLIE
Yeah? How’s it going?

JAMES
Better than First Aid. They have these gristly cartoon videos online that you’re supposed to
watch. They kept making me dizzy.

ELLIE
Well, relax. The babies aren’t coming for another three months. At least, I freaking hope not.
And I’ll be with you for the first couple weeks so we can figure this stuff out together. (opens the
folder) Wow. Latex balloons are nothing to mess around with.
 Exit Wound - 119

JAMES
Don’t read the section on dishwashers. It’s horrifying.

MATTHEW
(skipping back to the couch with a box containing a Playstation and some old games)
(in a sing-songy voice)
Look what I found! I didn’t realize you were the one who had this?

JAMES
I’m not sure I did either. Where was it?

MATTHEW
Under your bed. In that big plastic box. And look what else! (pulls out cartridge)

JAMES
Grand Theft Auto! Oh dear.

GARETH
(appearing at the door with a covered casserole dish and knocking)
Hello?

ELLIE/JAMES
Oh hey!/Hi Gareth.

MATTHEW
(to James)
Oh no. He knew we were about to do something fun. That Dad wouldn’t have approved of. He
just knows!

GARETH
Hi guys.

ELLIE
You wanna come in?

GARETH
Um, if I’m welcome…

MATTHEW
Stop being weird, Gareth! I see you brought food. Get in here.
 Exit Wound - 120

ELLIE
That smells amazing.

GARETH
Oh, it’s just enchiladas. I just need the use of your oven for about twenty...minutes?

JAMES
Sure, let me help you -

MATTHEW
Nope. Stay down. Rest the ulcer.

GARETH
I’m sure I can figure it out. (passing by the couch, he sees the game system) Is that our old
Playstation? Oh wow!

MATTHEW
(mimicking him in a high-pitched voice)
Oh, wow! Oh, gee!

(James elbows him)

What?

ELLIE
(examining the game system)
That’s so fun. I used to have one too. Does it still work?

MATTHEW
Let’s find out. (begins pulling out cords and plugging them into the television) I used to know
what went where. Let’s see...yellow...to yellow…

(He and James continue to work on this while Gareth and Ellie go into the kitchen)

GARETH
Ellie, hey! I heard you had a bit of win today.

ELLIE
A bit? Criminal-wise, we’re basically done.
 Exit Wound - 121

GARETH
That’s so cool. You know, I just spoke to Pete. He said you were quite impressive, and he’s
looking forward to working with you on the civil case.

ELLIE
Oh! That’s very nice of him.

GARETH
He also told me you got a call - from Caine and Miller? Are you going to work for a firm now?

ELLIE
I don’t know. It’s a seriously good offer.

GARETH
Hey. You’ve done your time in the trenches, okay? You were one of the top people in our cohort,
and you’re so great at trial. Think about it - Caine and Miller would be lucky to have you.

ELLIE
Well, thanks Gareth. That means a lot, it really does. I just feel like I’m going to be so behind
everyone else.

GARETH
Hey, I’d love to grab coffee sometime and just talk through stuff.

ELLIE
You know what? That would be cool. This might shock you, but if I start talking about case law
with Matthew, his eyes just glaze over. His only responses become ‘huh’ and ‘wow.’

GARETH
Yeah, sure thing! I’d love to help. And hey, Caine and Miller have got a great family leave
program. For when you have the little one.

ELLIE
Little ones, actually.

GARETH
No! Get out of here. Twins?
 Exit Wound - 122

ELLIE
Yup. Looks like one of each.

GARETH
That’s amazing! Congratulations. So you’ll definitely want that family leave! Wow.

ELLIE
Actually, we’ll be paying James to watch them. For the first little bit, at least, while he’s doing
his community service. And then we’ll see.

(James has been half-listening, but now he’s paying attention to Gareth’s reaction)

GARETH
Oh. Well. Jimmy watching two babies. That’s so interesting.

ELLIE
Yeah it is, Gareth. And he’s going to be great. I’d be careful what you say next - we’d love you
to be a part of their lives too.

GARETH
What? Oh, I wasn’t going to say anything. I think it’s a great idea!

ELLIE
Good. Me too.

MATTHEW
Oh, oh, oh! I got it! Here’s the screen.

GARETH
(coming over to side beside Matthew)
Wow. I almost forgot what it looked like. Ha! You found Grand Theft Auto. That’s crazy.

MATTHEW
I would’ve thought Dad had shredded it.

GARETH
Oh, come on. He wasn’t that mad. He didn’t even care until Mom started making a fuss. Here,
can I have the controller?
 Exit Wound - 123

MATTHEW
Go for it. Just select the option. No, that one. There you go!

GARETH
There I am.

MATTHEW
Crime lord in the making.

ELLIE
(coming over)
Ha! Those graphics. The sidewalks look like bathroom tiles.

GARETH
In our day, this was as good as it got.

ELLIE
Did you just steal that car? That looked unrealistically easy.

MATTHEW
So Gareth, how much prison time would you be looking at for this kind of thing?

GARETH
Well, Mattie, they’d have to catch me.

JAMES
Turn around, turn around. There’s a cop at that intersection.

ELLIE
Oh crap! I don’t know what those blue-flame-things are, but I think they’re bad!

GARETH
Alright, that’s enough backseat driving. (everyone groans) Ellie, here, you take a turn.

ELLIE
Oh! Okay. (takes the controller; James gets up and goes into the kitchen, grabbing two beers)
Okay, here we go...going down the street...oh crap! Shit! I just hit all those people! What? Wait.
Did I just get points for that?
 Exit Wound - 124

MATTHEW
Yes! Bonus!

ELLIE
This game is terrible! Who plays this?

MATTHEW
I want a turn. Me next.

ELLIE
No wait, just give me a minute. It says I have a mission. Here, Matthew, scoot over.

(She sits on the couch) (James gives Matthew a beer and opens up one for himself)

JAMES
Wait, wait...no, that’s a cop barricade. You have to turn around.

MATTHEW
Turn around, Ell - turn around!

ELLIE
I’m trying, which button is reverse?

JAMES
It’s okay. I’ll talk you through it.

MATTHEW
Just breathe. In and out...in and out…

(Ellie smacks him)

Oh no! Mom was right, these games do lead to violence! Ow!

GARETH
That’s a shame. James, you want a turn?

MATTHEW
Yeah, give it a try. We’ll all do it.
 Exit Wound - 125

JAMES
No, I’m good.

GARETH
My turn then. Hand it over.

(He begins to play, with Ellie watching intensely)

MATTHEW
(to James; after a pause)
You’re good?

JAMES
Yeah. I’m good.

MATTHEW
Okay. Good.

(lights begin to fade to blackout as dialogue continues)

Alright now Gareth, how did you already get in an alleyway? You’re terrible, you’re both
terrible. Give me the controller. I have a feeling I’m going to be good at this. (Ellie punches his
shoulder) What? I’ve always been a social deviant.

ELLIE
Who can’t live without a humidifier. Who thinks Where the Wild Things Are is Spike Jonze’s
best film. You’re a real hardass, alright.

MATTHEW
The thing is, Ellie, I’m many things. And I can be anything I want, Disney films told me so. So
be careful what you say. Watch what I become next. Just watch.