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Joaquin Moreno

Jackie Burr, Instructor

English 2010, Section 3

12 March 2018

Covered Insecurity

Our conversation grew stale, Sophia had lost her interest. Eye contact became sparse and

her effort in talking was gone. The conversation died. Gazing, I waited for her to maybe say

something else, possibly try and give me reassurance that she did want to talk with me; my hopes

were too high. I watched as she walked away with her head down, and her face glowing. Her

phone screen interested her far more than our conversation. If only I could keep her eye contact

like her phone screen was able to. I stood there alone, feeling rejected. Sophia and her phone

appeared to be one single organism, they completed each other. Always in her hand and

reflecting in her eyes.

After our extremely awkward conversation, talking to Sophia wasn’t what I had

anticipated. I came to this party event expecting her to be selfless, outgoing, and carefree. I was

wrong, but that is exactly what she wanted me to think of her. Sophia’s trick: Her Instagram

profile. Photograph after photograph of such a happy girl with such a happy life. From her

profile she seemed like a very popular girl but who looked approachable and sympathetic. In our

conversation, I could see the reluctance in her eyes. Feeling as though I had a sixth sense, I could

somehow tell she didn’t want to be seen talking with me, but I wished I was wrong. When she

said, “Thats hilarious” but didn’t let out a single giggle, it was obvious. She wanted to end the

conversation as soon as possible. Sophia’s eyes were more on her phone and the people around
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us than my actual eyes. It was very apparent she worried about the other people in the room.

Possibly about them staring or talking poorly about her. Nevertheless, she cared more about what

the people in the room were thinking than caring about me.

Despite always posting happy/carefree pictures on her Instagram account, Sophia didn't

match her online personality. I watched her behavior after she had walked away, and it was clear.

To me, this girl was extremely anxious around other people and insecure about how she looked. I

asked myself, am I the only one who sees this Sophia? Do others see her as her online persona? I

couldn’t quite tell if others were aware of this transparent girl.

I noticed that when Sophia walked away to her other friends after our conversation, she

started recording a girl that had spilled soda all over herself. Many other friends did too. I

guessed most of them posted the video to their Snapchat or Instagram. Sophia knew that the

video would make it seem like she was having a crazy fun time at the party. A perfect video for

Sophia. The more entertaining videos she posts, the more people will think her life is fun and

eventful. Even to me, through social media, Sophia looked like a fun person to spend time with.

She proved me wrong. I was disappointed in the person I had talked to and disappointed in

myself for believing her online facade.

There she was talking with all her friends about what they had all done over the weekend.

Showing each other photographs and videos to impress the other person. I stood there dazed,

slowly realizing that most of these girls were extremely aware of what they were doing but they

did it to be accepted. Insecurity flourished through these girls, but their social media accounts

helped give them security and protection. Their social media accounts covered the problems they
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had with themselves. Sophia seemed to be one of the best at using her social media accounts to

her advantage.

As I looked around the room I noticed many of my friends looking down at their phones.

Most of them doing the same motion with their thumbs. Scrolling slowly and consistently.

Looking at photographs of their friends. As they scrolled, none of them had a smile on their face.

Bland facial expressions and laziness in their eye movement. I too had my phone in hand and

would do the same thing all the time, but it was this night that I opened my eyes and actually

looked at other people’s behavior and it frightened me. My dearest friend Liam who was also

attending the party was taking pictures with people in the backyard. They wanted to get a good

picture to post on instagram. Possibly caption the photograph, “Best night ever” or maybe,

“Funnest party ever”. Something that would make the audience that sees the photograph on

Instagram feel forgotten or like they missed out. An almost undetectable way of bragging

through social media.

I found it strange how even my closest friend was accustomed to this negative use of

social media, but I am a hypocrite for thinking such things. I too constantly had my eyes locked

to my phone and used Instagram, Snapchat, and all the other popular social media applications.

Insecurity flowed throughout my body too. Sophia and I weren’t very different. We both

searched for the best way to cover our insecurities. She did a fantastic job, I fell for her trick.

I decided to leave the party early, it was painfully uneventful so nobody questioned it. As

I said goodbye to all my friends I noticed Sophia sitting with her group of friends. Looking at her

once more I made sure to remember her, everything about her, so I could avoid behaving like

her. I walked out of the house disgusted by myself. Although I too thought of social media as my
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guardian, the protector of my insecurities and anxieties, after that night I realized it was nothing

more than a parasite. Social media fed off of me, harming me, and changing who I was without

me even knowing. I told myself to never use any form of it again. I look back on that day with

gratitude. Sophia acted like a mirror that night, showing me exactly what was in front of it. I

don’t want to look back on her as a bad person, instead a spark that allowed me to grow.