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Short Story Kidnap
Short Story Kidnap
Colin Weil
Kidnap
The bottle caps slowly pierced the skin on my elbows as I started my plank. My
brothers to my right and left all endured the same pain that I had for the last month. The
cold water hit my back and my arms started to shake uncontrollably. I looked up and
great detail!saw the greek letters painted all over the walls of the dark basement. Hell week is the
final week that the pledge classes are rushed by the upperclassmen before they are
initiated as members. This also means that this is the most painful week for the pledge
class. Tonight we have to do a 4 minute plank on bottle caps while being sprayed with a
hose. All of the lights were off except a single lamp on a small table in the center of the
room. The older boys were circled around it while the one of the Sophomores, Lucian
Sheridan, held the long green hose, ready to attack his next culprit. He saw me looking
up and instantaneously let go of the head. The water splashed my face and started to
create a puddle underneath me. It got up my nose and I couldn't breathe. I started to
cough and my muscles couldn’t hold me up any longer. My arms buckled and I
nice syntax! this works well.
collapsed onto the ground. The light around slowly turned to black.
I woke up to the bright light of the sun piercing my close eyelids. I opened my
eyes and saw that I was in the middle of nowhere. I had the same clothes on from the
night before and had a wicked headache. I checked my pockets and I couldn’t find my
phone or any of my belongings. As I stood up, I got lightheaded and stumbled
backwards uncontrollably. Stars started to fly around my head in the sky even though
nice juxtaposition here
the sun was out.
Why am I here and where am I? O
h crap… I got kidnapped.
this seems a bit sudden... maybe have him look
around more or something?
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During our rush, the sophomores and the freshman played a game where each
iff
group essentially kidnapped the other group. It started of simple, where boys would
wake up in rooms they didn’t know. But as the semester went on, the kidnapping got
more…. Adventurous. A few of the boys in my pledge class woke up in their beds,
outside their professors apartments, and one boy even woke up in the pool on a raft.
Most of them were pretty funny (and very dangerous), but I never thought it would
happen to me.
I quickly realized that it was a Wednesday and I had to get back to my midterm
for Multivariable Calculus. My eyes started to look around and noticed where I was
sleeping. There was a small wallet (inside was 100 dollars), a bottle of water, fruit
snacks, and a small note that said good luck. I didn’t know how to start my approach to
getting back to school.I spun in a circle and stopped randomly then walked the way I
was facing.
Each step I took, one more needle felt like it was stabbing the base of my foot.
The base of my nikes had been worn down after constant usage for about a year now.
My toe poked out of the end of the shoe and my foot was basically touching the ground.
nice detail!
I should have listened to my parents, who are both foot doctors, when they told me to
buy shoes with better heel support. I had nothing to do while walking so I decided to
look around at my surroundings. So far during my year in Texas, I haven’t ventured
outside of Dallas, I’ve barely left the campus of my college to be honest. I didn’t know
that this part of the state existed. It wasn’t the swampy land I was used to, and it wasn’t
the southern desert with the dried up hay bush flying across the ground. This was fertile
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ground with trees and grass. There were pretty birds singing and my torture actually
turned into something pleasant.
suddenly?
About half an hour in, the sun started to sear the back of my neck. I also realized
that I was pretty tired so I found some shade under a tree and sat down. I opened the
fruit snacks and started to refuel my body. Food tastes a lot better when you are actually
paying attention to each flavor in your mouth. This is the most attentive I’ve been to
myself in a while. I washed down the left over gelatin with the water, and continued to
listen to my surroundings. The lack of noise was more peaceful than I could imagine.
But all good things must come to an end. I heard a buzzing sound from the distance. It
seemed to be coming from where I was before. The small buzz started to become a
loud chopping and a screaming of a man. The distant words that he was repeating
slowly became audible.
“I will find you, you thief.”
I didn’t know what to make of it. I hadn’t seen a thief while I was out here. I don’t
this is a little awkward sounding
think a thief would want to steal these crops anyway. My dumb humor made myself
chuckle but then the mans unthreatening words slowly became scary.
“If I find you, I will shoot you and bring you to justice.”
I didn’t have to think to get up and start running. I sat up by swinging my body up
like a ninja and instantly I sprinted into the field of wheat. I no longer felt tired and I
couldn’t pay attention to my feet begging me to stop running.
I am not dying today.
this is a bit extreme of a thought, isn't it?
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After about two minutes of running that could make Usain Bolt look like a
kindergartener, my body collapsed. I couldn’t do anything but wait and hope for my best.
I kept as still as possible but my lungs uncontrollably were gasping for air. I was scared
that I was making too much noise and that he would hear me. After getting enough
oxygen for my body, my lungs quieted and I was able to listen again. The buzzing slowly
disappeared and I became slightly relieved but still was expecting to hear a gunshot
from any direction. To be sure he was gone I layed in the field silent, unmoving for what
seemed like a couple hours. I finally mustered the will to get up and continued my hike
to find people. I walked for another half an hour to finally find a dirt road.
Which way do I go…? Obviously to the left, because left is right.
Most people would’ve gone to the right because it is natural to go to the way your
interesting -- why? this is a cool detail, just a little unexplained
dominant hand is, but ever since I was a child, I chose to not follow my brain and go the
other way. I started with a pep in my step and continued to ignore my throbbing feet.
The road slowly turned from dirt, into broken up rocks and finally into a perfectly
paved road. There were no cars so I sat down and waited. The rest of the water happily
went down my throat and replenished my parched mouth. The sun continued to beat
down on me and as I started to give up hope that a car would come, a truck came flying
down the road. I sprung up from the ground and ran into the middle of the road waving
my arms. This wasn’t the wisest idea because I easily could've been hit and killed.
Thankfully the truck slowed down for me but didn’t come close. Knowing that if i was
driving the car, I wouldn’t just let anyone in my car, I put up my hands to show the man
in the front seat that I wasn’t a threat and slowly walked to the passenger side of the
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car. The window slowly rolled down and I made eye contact with the old grizzled man.
His white beard contrasted against his plaid shirt and the cowboy hat and country music
playing on the radio topped off everything.
“I don’t know where I am and need help getting to Dallas.” I responded choosing
my words very cautiously.
why did he realize that?
“Sure. Get in.” he said after realizing that I was less of a threat than a fox squirrel.
“What were you even doing in the middle of nowhere?“ he asked.
“It’s a kind of a long story.”
“We have time, son.”
“Well, while I was, uh, sleeping last night a few of my friends played a prank on
me and took me here. Wow that wasn’t actually that long of a story.” I laughed to myself
nervously.
“Hmmm.” the man paused and thought to himself like an wise old elder. “I’m
going to ignore that you were able to sleep the whole time they put you there, but these
friends you say you have don’t seem like very good friends. Leaving you there and not
helping you to get home isn’t what friends would do.”
He had a point. The upperclassmen treated me like crap. In fact, I hate every
single one of them.
“Where even are we?” I asked to see how far I was taken.
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“Were just outside Canton, you were on Sheridan Ranch.”
“How far away from Dallas?” I asked having never heard of the town.
“About an hour more or less.”
My mind went blank. I couldn’t believe that the Sophomores would go to this
extent to put me through this pain and almost get me killed.
“Wait did you say Sheridan?”
“Yes’m.” he said not knowing why I was so bothered by this.
Lucian.... I think I’ve heard him talk about his family’s ranch outside of Dallas.
Seeing my bothered face he said, “Well I’ll be quiet. I don’t want to bug you with
my old man nonsense.”
I didn’t really listen to the man and could only think about why they would do this
to me. think about internal dialogue vs just general thoughts. do we normally think
in this specific of words or just more generally?
Do I even want to be associated with these people? Before coming to school, all I
could dream of is being part of this fraternity but now it doesn’t seem so cool.
Before I even realized, I was back in downtown Dallas.
“Don’t fall asleep next time.” the man said half joking half serious to me while
dropping me off. As he pulled away I called an Uber back to school and started to think
what I was going to do. I already missed my Midterm so there’s not much more to lose.
The Saturday night of initiation the some of the boys who hadn’t seen me since
the incident taunted me and didn’t make my next decision harder. All of the boys in the
fraternity were back in the basement with all of the lights off, all of the freshman in the
middle. They went down the line, one freshman at a time, and made them swear into
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being in the fraternity. As the pledge master and president of the fraternity approached
me I got butterflies in my stomach. I heard Lucian chirp something from the back of the
crowd which made my butterflies fly away like it was migration season.
“Do you, Jared, swear to abide by all fraternity rules and be a loyal member for
the rest of your life?” the president said.
I waited and looked around the room. I did not like one person in this room. I
made eye contact with the president.
“No.” I said calmly.
could you show this? his surprise?
“No?” he didn’t know what I meant.
“You heard me, no.”
I turned around towards Lucian and flipped him the bird.
“Your grandpa almost killed me.”
I was done so I started to walk up the stairs of the basement.
“You are an idiot.” said someone whose voice I didn’t recognize.
“Tell that to my computer engineering and business majors buddy.”
As I opened and closed the front door of the fraternity I couldn’t help but to grin
knowing this was the last time I step foot in this building.
nice ending!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BXz3YNfG7YARh14OVds_WW0SMyTfqdXBRYaA0zqNQY4/edit 7/7
Written Expressions Writing Rubric
Colin
Short Story Name: ________________________
Plot 6 5 4 3 2 1
(Interesting, Meaningful, Purposeful Narrative Structure)
Characterization 6 5 4 3 2 1
(Strongly Drawn, Fully Developed, Aligned with Structure)
Appeals to Senses 6 5 4 3 2 1
(Show-Not-Tell, Sensory Language, Snapshots/Thoughtshots)
Language 6 5 4 3 2 1
(Diction, Syntax, Figurative Language)
Colin,
Good job on this! It was an engaging read overall. You included some great details that
built the story nicely. I think you could have drawn out the character a little bit and expanded
on his reactions. Sometimes, you started to then moved on very quickly, so it seemed rushed.
Also, the part about the grandpa/old man trying to kill him was a little underdeveloped. I was
left a little confused, but it ended up being a big part of his decision, so that should be
expanded on a bit.
A-
6: Strikingly excellent demonstration of mastery. Work that receives a 6…
~completes the assignment with impressive skill and nuance, often pushing further.
~demonstrates exemplary knowledge of the chosen topic and its related content.
~succeeds in all—and excels in many—specified assessment categories on the rubric.
~achieves extra depth specifically due to clarity, coherence, and organization.
3: Partially meets expectations and requirements of mastery. Work that receives a 3...
~completes the assignment mostly with purpose but could push toward increased skill.
~mixes adequate and basic knowledge of the chosen topic and its related content.
~succeeds in some to several specified assessment categories on the rubric.
~ is more often clear, coherent, and organized than not.
0: Not submitted. Work that receives a 0 was never submitted and thus could not be assessed.