INT.

VARUN'S APARTMENT - 4PM

Varun is sitting relaxed on a recliner with a PS3 controller

in his hand. He is working the controls on the PS3 playing a
game of Cricket on his widescreen LCD TV. He is about to
reach a minor milestone in the game, Tendulkar about to make
a 100 in a Twenty20 game.

Varun's cellphone starts ringing and while he fumbles to

locate it and answer the phone he loses a wicket in the
videogame and swears under his breath. He pauses the
videogame and answers the phone. It is his friend Deepak.

VARUN
Hello..?

DEEPAK
(in an urgent
tone)
Hey Varun...main hoon
yaar...Deepak.

VARUN
Hey dude...whats up? I hope this
is something urgent because I'm in
the middle of something very
important...about to achieve a
major milestone in my life.

TRANSITION TO:

INT. CAR ON A STREET - DEEPAK DRIVING

DEEPAK
Oh...sorry to bug you man..I was
just driving back from work and
wanted to ask you about something.
I can call back later if I caught
you in the middle of something
important at work

TRANSITION TO:

INT. VARUN'S APARTMENT

Varun has now got off the sofa and is walking to the dining
table where there is a big bowl of potato chips and other
unhealthy snack food. He pecks and nibbles on a few items
there .

VARUN
(in a smirky voice) naah...I'm at
home...go on
 2.

DEEPAK
You're back home from work
already?

VARUN
Yeah..I called in sick today

DEEPAK
uh.. you don't really "sound" sick

VARUN
naah..just wanted to chill and
play the PS3.

DEEPAK
(in an incredulous voice)
And you called in sick for that??

VARUN
(in a casual, bored tone) Yep
..you should learn to prioritize
in life too dude...learn from the
Master!!(makes a grandiose gesture
and sinks back into the recliner)

DEEPAK
(a bit flabbergasted) You never
cease to amaze me ! You do know
that you're 32 years old now
right?

VARUN
(in a slightly preachy and
condescending voice)
Listen dude...I've already
received my motherly advice for
the week when I called India
yesterday. Did you want to talk
about something or did you just
call to know what awesome stuff I
am up to in my life? Cos I know
that you actually admire me and
are jealous of me and just pretend
to be this goody goody boy for god
knows what reason....you should
stop being so serious....be a
man...let the animal instincts
come to surface once in a
while..(burps)

DEEPAK
(sounding a bit irritated and
hurt) Ok..listen...Reena told me
that you and Preeti are. um
.trying to have a baby...? You
(MORE)
 3.

DEEPAK (CONT'D)
told me you didn't want to have a
baby till you were like..40 or 50
..at least thats what I thought
you did...

VARUN
(in an amused tone) Ha ha..yeah I
don't want to be no baby daddy yet
man.I'm too young to be changing
diapers on a mini version of me.

DEEPAK
( a bit confused) What? But Preeti
told my wife that she's off the
pill ...and you've always claimed
you hate using 'protection'....

VARUN
(in a slightly proud voice) ha ha
ha..well...yeah the best jockeys
don't need a saddle to ride a
horse!

DEEPAK
( a bit irritated ) How the hell
do you manage to ....um...ride the
horse without a saddle ..and not
risk having ..uh..puppies...?

VARUN
(laughs) Ponies (correcting
deepak)...Well..do you think our
forefathers used stupid weird
pieces of latex during their most
intimate and passionate moments?
Do you think your grandfather did
that??

DEEPAK
(more agitated) listen...don't
bring my grandfather into this.
Just tell me how the heck you
manage to do this man?? You're
having great awesome unprotected
sex AND not risking getting Preeti
pregnant ??

VARUN
( in a sagely preaching tone) Well
mere yaar....that information is
highly confidential and patented!
Tu jaankar bhi kya karega? It's
Reena who has the say on what goes
on in your bedroom anyways..
 4.

DEEPAK
(sounding desperate) Yaar bataa
naa...stop being an ass!

TRANSITION TO:

INT. ELEVATOR LOBBY

A pair of feet (Preeti) is walking towards the elevator,

pushes the button and waits for the elevator to arrive

TRANSITION TO:

INT. VARUN'S APARTMENT

VARUN
( in a patronizing tone) You are
not yet ready to learn the great
secrets of manhood dude... tu
pehle Reena ki pallu pakad ke
chalna band kar ...phir main
sochoonga tujhe batane ke baarein
mein.

DEEPAK
(very frustrated) Pallu? What are
you talking about? Come on man
...you're being a jerk now.
Buddies are supposed to help each
other out.... I want to ride the
puppy without a saddle too

VARUN
you mean Pony ....if you ride a
puppy they will put you in jail
for paedophilia ...ha ha ha

BELL RINGS.

Preeti's excited voice calls out to Varun to open the door.

Varun mutters under his breath.

VARUN
Shit....dude I gotta go...Preeti's
back home..

DEEPAK
(sounding extremely desperate)
Arre pehle bataa de jaldi
yaar..how do you do it??
 5.

VARUN
(in an urgent voice) Later man...I
really have to go

Varun begins to end the call

DEEPAK
(Speaking quickly) dude
please..bata na ....accha...kam se
kam SMS kar de....ya...facebook pe
message kar...ok ? ok ?? hello?

Phone goes dead.Varun runs around hiding away all the snack
food on the table and his empty beer bottles, turns the PS3
off and puts on a TV show and grabs some comforters from his
bed and puts them on the recliner to give the impression
he's been lying around on the recliner wrapped in the
comforter recovering from "fever".He finally opens the door.

Preeti walks in excitedly and gives Varun a quick hug.

PREETI
Hey baby..how are you feeling now?

VARUN
(makes sniffling sounds) Not too
good at all...just been lying in
bed all day.. ( makes a sad face)

PREETI
Well.....I have some news for
you...Itni acchi khabar hain ki
tumhara bukhaar bhi gayab ho
jayega.

VARUN
(seeming genuinely puzzled) Aisi
kya khabar hain? tumhari choti
behen yahan aane waali hain kya ?
( a quick smile lights up his
face)

PREETI
(punching varun playfully) NO! I'm
just coming over from the
doctor's...and guess what..?
(pulls Varun's hand over her
belly)

Preeti jumps excitedly and hugs Varun.

Varun is absolutely shocked and flabbergasted.

END CREDITS ROLL

As End credits roll we hear the phone ring and a short

 6.

conversation. It's Deepak calling Varun back.

DEEPAK
(laughing uncontrollably) ha ha ha
ha you fucking idiot....I just
heard from Reena..... ha ha ha ha
ha Main maama banne waala hoon???
Riding without a saddle, my ass
...ha ha ha

THE END