One Day at The Time

"Sex Talk"
Episode #110
Written by
Becky Mann
&
Audra Sielaff
Directed by
Michael Lembeck
SHOOTING DRAFT 1st REVISED (BLUE) – 8/02/16

SHOOTING DRAFT – 8/01/16
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

COPYRIGHT © 2016 SONY PICTURES TELEVISION, INC.
NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED OR REPRODUCED BY ANY MEANS, OR

QUOTED OR PUBLISHED IN ANY MEDIUM WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF SONY
PICTURES TELEVISION, INC.
“Sex Talk”
Shooting Draft 1ST Revised (BLUE)
8/02/16
Cast List
Penelope.....................................Justina Machado
Lydia............................................Rita Moreno
Dr. Berkowitz.............................Stephen Tobolowsky
Schneider..................................... Todd Grinnell
Elena........................................ Isabella Gomez
Alex............................................ Marcel Ruiz
Guest Cast
Scott.........................................Eric Nenninger
Lori.........................................Fiona Gubelmann
Josh .........................................Froy Gutierrez
Barb........................................!Terryn Westbrook
Dave..........................................!Emanuel Gironi
Emma............................................Kaylin Hayman
“Sex Talk”
Shooting Draft 1st Revised (BLUE)
8/02/16
Sets
INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT
INT. DR. BERKOWITZ’S OFFICE – BULL PEN
EXT. JOSH’S HOUSE
INT. JOSH’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM
INT. ELENA’S BEDROOM
Cues & Effects
SFX: PORN SOUNDS – P. 3

SFX: PORN SOUNDS – P. 9
SFX: GAVEL – P. 21
SFX: LOUD PARTY SOUNDS – P. 25
LIGHTS: ON – P. 26
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#110 “SEX TALK”
BLOCKING SCHEDULE
DAY 2 OF 2 - TUESDAY AUGUST 2, 2016
10:30A ESU-Camera Set-Up
REFRESH W/ 1ST TEAM
SCENE C (DAY 2) (17) Refresh
11-11:20A INT. DR. BERKOWITZ’S OFFICE – BULL PEN - DAY 4
(Penelope, Dr. Berkowitz, Scott, Lori)
SCENE J (NIGHT 2) (32) Refresh
11:20- INT. ELENA’S ROOM – MOMENTS LATER 5 3/8
11:35A (Penelope, Lydia, Elena)
SCENE A (NIGHT 1) (1) Refresh
11:35- INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT 3 3/8
11:50A (Penelope, Schneider)
SCENE B (NIGHT 1) (5) Refresh
11:50- INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER 11 2/8
12:20P (Penelope, Lydia, Dr. Berkowitz, Schneider, Elena, Alex)
SCENE D (DAY 2) (21) Refresh
12:20- INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – LATER 3 6/8
12:35P (Penelope, Lydia, Alex)
SCENE H (NIGHT 2) (29) Refresh
12:35- INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT 3
12:50P (Penelope, Lydia, Schneider, Elena, Alex)
1-2P Camera Run Thru/Notes
2-4P Cast to Hair/Make-up
4-5P CREW LUNCH Jimmy Stewart
5-5:30P TOUCH-UPS/SPEED THRU
5:30P SHOW
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One!Day!at!a!Time!
Short!Rundown!–!110/!“Sex!Talk”!
Shooting!Draft!!1st!Revised!(BLUE)–!8.02.16!
SCENE A (NIGHT 1) (1) ! ! ! !
1 INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
(Penelope, Schneider)
SCENE B (NIGHT 1) (5) ! ! ! !

2 INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER
(Penelope, Lydia, Dr. Berkowitz, Schneider, Elena, Alex)
SCENE C (DAY 2) (17) ! ! ! !

3 INT. DR. BERKOWITZ’S OFFICE – BULL PEN - DAY
SCENE D (DAY 2) (21) ! ! ! !

4 INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – LATER
(Penelope, Lydia, Alex)
SCENE E (NIGHT 2) (25) ! ! ! !
5 EXT. JOSH’S HOUSE/INT. JOSH’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM -
NIGHT
(Penelope, Elena, Josh, Emma, Barb, Dave)
SCENE H (NIGHT 2) (29) ! ! ! !
6 INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
(Penelope, Lydia, Schneider, Elena, Alex)
SCENE J (NIGHT 2) (32) ! ! ! !
7 INT. ELENA’S ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
(Penelope, Lydia, Elena)
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ONE DAY AT A TIME - "SEX TALK" [110] 1.
SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 A
SCENE A
INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT (NIGHT 1)

(Penelope, Schneider)
PENELOPE IS ON THE COUCH, WITH A GLASS OF WINE, CLIPPING COUPONS.
PENELOPE
(SINGING TO HERSELF) Drinking wine and 1
clipping a coupon, feeling’ fine and
nothing rhymes with ‘coupon’...
SCHNEIDER POPS HIS HEAD IN THE DOOR.
SCHNEIDER
Hey Pen, you busy? 2
PENELOPE
Yes. My mom is at the opera with Dr. 3
Berkowitz and the kids are out of the
house. (POINTED) So I’m finally enjoying
some time to myself.
SCHNEIDER ENTERS AND SITS DOWN.
SCHNEIDER
Totally get it. What are we doing? 4
PENELOPE ROLLS HER EYES. HE SEES THE WINE AND COUPONS AND GIVES
HER A LOOK.
SCHNEIDER (CONT’D)
Oooh, wine and coupons... been there. But 5
substitute wine with whiskey and coupons
with regret. Dark days.
PENELOPE
(BEAT) Did you want something? 6

SCHNEIDER
Just to share some amazing news. You 7
know, there comes a time in a man’s life
when his eyes get opened to the majesty
of God’s green --
PENELOPE
(SNAPPING) Say your thing and leave! 8
SCHNEIDER
I am... “unplugged!” No more internet, no 9
social media, not even a phone. I took
the stairs here.
PENELOPE
We don’t have an elevator. 10
SCHNEIDER
No, you don’t have an elevator. But the 11
point is, I’m technology free now and
loving it. Anyway, I really need to use
your computer.
HE WALKS OVER TO THE LAPTOP ON THE TABLE.
PENELOPE
That was quick. Why don’t you just use 12
your own laptop?
SCHNEIDER
I locked it in my safe. 13
PENELOPE
So? 14
SCHNEIDER
(EMBARRASSED) The combination to my safe 15
is on my laptop.
PENELOPE
Oh, that has made all of this worthwhile. 16
SCHNEIDER
I need to find a new place to get my 17
eyebrows threaded.
PENELOPE
You can just do everything else silently. 18
HE OPENS THE LAPTOP AND THE SOUND OF PORN ERUPTS FROM THE
COMPUTER.
SFX: PORN SOUNDS
SCHNEIDER
Whoa! 19
SCHNEIDER ATTEMPTS TO CLICK THE WINDOW CLOSED, TO NO AVAIL.
PENELOPE
Schneider! You came here to watch porn?! 20
SCHNEIDER
Why won’t it stop?! (THEN) No, I don’t 21
want to chat with you!
HE SLAMS THE COMPUTER SHUT.
SCHNEIDER (CONT’D)
She can’t get out now. 22
PENELOPE
What the hell is wrong with you?! 23

SCHNEIDER
(CHUCKLING) Come on Pen, no need to cover 24
-- I’m just happy you weren’t actually
sitting here clipping coupons. (RE:
SCREEN) And a threesome, eh? Get your
freak on, boo.
PENELOPE
Shut up. It’s not my porn! 25
SCHNEIDER
It’s your computer. 26
PENELOPE
No it’s not, it’s -- (HER FACE FALLS) Alex’s. 27
A BEAT AS SHE TAKES THIS IN.
SCHNEIDER
I’m just going to use the old eyebrow 28
threading place.
CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES
SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 B
SCENE B
INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER (NIGHT 1)

(Penelope, Lydia, Dr. Berkowitz, Schneider, Elena, Alex)
PENELOPE AND SCHNEIDER ARE AS WE LEFT THEM.
PENELOPE
Aw... my baby’s watching porn. My sweet 29
boy is becoming a gross man.
SCHNEIDER
I get that it’s upsetting, but hey, 30
silver lining -- it’s normal porn.
PENELOPE
A threesome is not normal! 31
SCHNEIDER
Okay, fine. It’s aspirational. 32
PENELOPE
How do I talk to him about this? 33
SCHNEIDER
Uh, you don’t! He’s not gonna want to 34
talk to you about this, trust me.
PENELOPE
Hey, I’m not looking forward to it 35
either, but I have to. He’s obviously
curious, and I don’t want it to be stuck
in his brain that this is what sex is.
SCHNEIDER
Yeah. He’d be in for a long series of 36
disappointments.
PENELOPE
What kind of sex talk did your parents 37
give you? Because I want to do the
opposite of that.
SCHNEIDER
Well, Father believed it’s best to have 38
that kind of discussion in a car, because
you don’t have to make eye contact. Plus
you’re traveling in the same direction,
which fosters intimacy.
PENELOPE
Damn, that’s actually good advice. I was 39
expecting some unrelatable rich guy
story.
SCHNEIDER
So we’re in the Bentley with our 40
chauffeur, Paco... Father said it was
time to have ‘the talk.’ When we came to
the next stop light, he hopped out and
Paco told me everything.
PENELOPE
If I could afford a sex-ed chauffeur, I 41
would. It’s not fair that I’m stuck
giving both sex talks. Alex was supposed
to be Victor’s job. I did my part with
Elena.
SCHNEIDER
How’d it go? 42
SHOOTING DRAFT 1st REVISED (BLUE) - 08/02/16 B
PENELOPE
(BRIGHTLY) Not great! (THEN) She asked me 43
what a period was when she was seven. *
SCHNEIDER
I didn’t get the period talk ‘till I was 44
twelve. Paco just called it shark week.
PENELOPE
Well, they say you should answer every 45
question honestly. So I did. And I ended
up going from periods into the whole sex
talk. Then Elena said, (AS YOUNG ELENA)
“Cool. So, what’s an exclamation point?’”
SCHNEIDER
Lucky she didn’t ask about a colon. 46
(CHUCKLES, THEN, OFF HER GLARE) Sorry,
it’s just fun to hear how you blew it.
PENELOPE
It’s not like I had a great role model! 47
My mom’s sex talk was her handing me a
white handkerchief and telling me it was
my virginity. (AS LYDIA) “No one wants to
marry a used handkerchief. So you must
keep men from sneezing in it.”
SCHNEIDER
That paints a picture. 48
LYDIA AND BERKOWITZ COME IN THE FRONT DOOR, VERY NICELY DRESSED
FROM THE OPERA. AD-LIB HELLOS.
PENELOPE
Here’s Professor Love now. 49
LYDIA
Thank you. 50
PENELOPE
Aren’t you going to ask why I said that? 51
LYDIA
No. 52
PENELOPE
So, how was the opera? 53
LYDIA
It was magnificent! 54
DR. BERKOWITZ
Oh, when Violetta died of consumption-- 55
SCHNEIDER
(ANNOYED) Hey, hey, spoilers. 56
DR. BERKOWITZ
Sorry, the death scene was just so -- 57
HE GETS CHOKED UP. LYDIA PULLS A WHITE HANDKERCHIEF OUT OF HER

PURSE AND HANDS IT TO HIM.
LYDIA
Here. You may have my handkerchief. 58
PENELOPE AND SCHNEIDER LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
DR. BERKOWITZ
(WIPING HIS EYES) Thank you. 59
DR. BERKOWITZ BLOWS HIS NOSE IN IT. PENELOPE AND SCHNEIDER REACT.
SCHNEIDER
(SOTTO, TO PENELOPE) I feel dirty. 60

LYDIA
The singing was very good, pero the 61
choreography could have used some
tweaking. I gave the usher my number, I’m
sure they’ll be calling.
DR. BERKOWITZ
What was the name of that soprano? Do you 62
mind if I just look her up quickly...
HE OPENS THE LAPTOP, WE HEAR THE SOUNDS OF THREE PEOPLE HAVING

SEX.
SFX: PORN SOUNDS
HE CLOSES THE LAPTOP.
DR. BERKOWITZ (CONT’D)
Oh my stars. (THEN) I feel compelled to 63
tell you this isn’t my computer.
SCHNEIDER
No, it’s Alex’s. That’s what we’ve been 64
talking about.
LYDIA
What? What about Alex? 65
PENELOPE
Mami don’t worry, it’s not really a big 66
deal. Alex was watching... a racy movie.
LYDIA
Fast and Furious? 67
SCHNEIDER
It was fast, but nobody looked furious. 68

PENELOPE
Okay, let’s stop talking about it. 69
LYDIA
Whatever it was, don’t worry. Es normal 70
for a teenage boy. It’s healthy to be
curious.
SCHNEIDER
Oh, he’s definitely curious. I’m curious. 71
I want to see how that movie ends.
Although I think I have a pretty good
idea.
DR. BERKOWITZ
Boy, the world has changed. Think how 72
difficult it was to see a naked woman in
the Renaissance: you had to pay someone a
fortune to create a giant nude painting
that you could never hide from your wife.
SCHNEIDER
When I was a kid, there was an adult 73
section of the video store. Behind the
beads. I’d always chicken out and just
rent a Jane Fonda workout tape. Still
worked. (THEN) Still works.
DR. BERKOWITZ
That’s the thing. It used to be hard to 74
get. Now, there’s no restrictions. You
can get a Renaissance painting right on
your computer.
PENELOPE
See, all of this is exactly why I need to 75
talk to Alex -- with the internet, kids
see too much too soon. Porn makes them
grow up thinking that’s what sex is
supposed to be like.
LYDIA
How bad was this movie papito was 76
watching?
PENELOPE/SCHNEIDER
Awful./Very tame. 77
LYDIA
Show me. 78
PENELOPE
(CHUCKLING) No, that is not happening. 79
DR. BERKOWITZ
Yes, Lydia. You asked me to look away 80
when you buckled your shoe. This is not
for you.
LYDIA
Por favor, I was married for over forty 81
years. If anything, it’s a shame that
Berto and I went unrecorded.
PENELOPE AND LYDIA AD-LIB SPANISH. LYDIA OPENS THE LAPTOP HERSELF
AND WATCHES, POKER FACED. A LONG BEAT. SHE SQUINTS SLIGHTLY, THEN
HOLDS UP HER OPERA GLASSES FOR A CLOSER LOOK. ANOTHER BEAT, THEN
SHE GENTLY CLOSES THE LAPTOP.
LYDIA (CONT’D)
Burn this. 82
THEY HEAR A KEY IN THE LOCK. ALEX ENTERS TO FIND EVERYONE STARING
AT HIM.
ALEX
Why is everyone staring? (CALM) Is there 83
a bug on me? (PANICKED) Is there a bug on
me?!
LYDIA
No, papito, you are bug free and perfect, 84
as always.
PENELOPE
Yes, stand there so I can always remember 85
you this way.
ALEX
Finn sent me a video to check out. Have 86
you seen my laptop?
EVERYONE
No! 87
PENELOPE GRABS THE LAPTOP AND HUGS IT TIGHT.
ALEX
What’s wrong? Does it have a virus? 88
LYDIA
It is sick, yes. 89
ALEX
Is anybody going to tell me what’s going 90
on?
ALEX TURNS TO SCHNEIDER.
SCHNEIDER
Yeah, I’m out. 91

DR. BERKOWITZ
I should go, too. (TO LYDIA) Thank you 92
for a lovely evening.
AS THEY EXIT:
SCHNEIDER
Doc, do you have your stethoscope with 93
you?
DR. BERKOWITZ
Why, are you not feeling well? 94
SCHNEIDER
No, I have a safe I need to crack. 95
THEY EXIT. ALEX TURNS TO PENELOPE.
PENELOPE
Okay, sit down. We need to talk about 96
something.
LYDIA
I will leave. Because this, like many things 97
in life, is best between only two people.
LYDIA DISAPPEARS INTO HER ROOM AND CLOSES THE CURTAIN.
ALEX
Seriously, what’s going on? 98
PENELOPE SITS ALEX DOWN ON THE COUCH NEXT TO HER.
PENELOPE
Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. It’s just 99
about... sex.
ALEX
Oh god. 100
HE PULLS THE THROW BLANKET OVER HIS HEAD.

PENELOPE
Okay, good start. Look, it’s totally natural for 101
you to be curious about sex. If you ever have
any questions, I want you to feel okay about
coming to me. Do you have any questions?
ALEX
(STILL UNDER BLANKET) Yes. When is this 102
going to be over?
PENELOPE
I get it, this is uncomfortable for me too. But 103
it’s important to talk about this stuff. Because
I want you to understand that... sex can be a
really beautiful experience.
ALEX
(GROANS) 104
PENELOPE
I know! But look, there’s reality, and 105
then there’s pornography.
ALEX
(ANOTHER GROAN, THEN) Why are you doing 106
this to me?
PENELOPE
For instance, two women with one man-- 107
ALEX POPS OUT FROM UNDER THE BLANKET.
ALEX
(VERY CONFUSED) What?! What are you 108
talking about? You can do that?!
PENELOPE
Alex, it’s okay, I know you were watching 109
a video like that on the computer.
ALEX
What? No I wasn’t! 110
PENELOPE
Don’t lie to me. 111
ALEX
I’m not lying! I’m not stupid, I know you 112
put software on there that tells you
everything I look at.
PENELOPE
(COVERING) That is right, Mister. I did 113
order that and install it. That’s how I
found out about this.
ALEX
Mom, you gotta believe me. I would never 114
do that. I’ve spent my whole life trying
to avoid this conversation.
PENELOPE
Okay, well if it wasn’t you, who was it? 115
ALEX
(SYMPATHETICALLY) Was it you? 116
PENELOPE
No, it wasn’t me! 117
ALEX
(INCREDIBLY GROSSED OUT) Abuelita? 118
PENELOPE
No! 119
JUST THEN, THERE’S A KEY IN THE LOCK AND ELENA ENTERS.

ELENA
Hey guys. I’m exhausted. ‘Night. 120
SHE CROSSES OFF INTO HER ROOM. ALEX AND PENELOPE LOOK AT EACH
OTHER, SHOCKED. LYDIA’S CURTAIN FLIES OPEN.
LYDIA
Elena?! 121
PENELOPE PULLS THE BLANKET OVER HER HEAD.
CUT TO:
SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 C
SCENE C
INT. DR. BERKOWITZ’S OFFICE - BULL PEN - DAY (DAY 2)

PENELOPE AND DR. BERKOWITZ ARE GETTING COFFEE.
DR. BERKOWITZ
It was Elena? That’s unexpected. Did she 122
admit to watching it?
PENELOPE
I didn’t have the heart to ask her about 123
it last night. After introducing my
twelve-year-old son to threesomes, I
figured that was enough great parenting
for one day. I don’t know what I’m going
to say to Elena.
SCOTT AND LORI ENTER BEHIND PENELOPE.
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
I can’t believe I have to have another 124
porn conversation.
SCOTT
Whoa, you guys are talking about porn 125
without my sexpertise?
PENELOPE
Oh, great. I was hoping to get more 126
opinions on this.
DR. BERKOWITZ
Yes, let’s catch you up. We’re talking 127
about how all the porn available now is a
real problem.
SCOTT
Yeah, there’s not enough hours in the day 128
to watch it all.
PENELOPE
Okay, so we’ve heard from you. 129
LORI
(SUDDENLY) So my Michael and I made a 130
couple of home movies! Stop attacking me!
EVERYONE STARES AT LORI, STUNNED.
PENELOPE
Okay, so we’ve definitely heard from you. 131
(THEN) This is the problem. The
internet’s turned everyone sex crazy.
SCOTT
Not true. I use all the apps and have had 132
dozens of dates and none of them wanted
sex of any kind.
LORI
Girls these days are exposed to so much 133
more than my generation was. Or your
generation, Penelope. Fifteen is the new
twenty-five. (CONCERNED) Penelope, your
daughter’s fifteen, right?
PENELOPE
Yes! And I’m not naive, but Elena just 134
isn’t that advanced. She’s never even had
a boyfriend.
(MORE)
PENELOPE (CONT'D)
She’s been kind of seeing this boy Josh,
but all they’ve done is kissed.
SCOTT
Aw, you’re adorable. I’m sure Josh is the 135
one teenage boy that loves just kissing.
PENELOPE
Oh, man. Maybe I should be worried about 136
Josh. Is he pressuring her?
DR. BERKOWITZ
(SKEPTICALLY) Elena? 137
PENELOPE
Yeah, you’re right. She’s not going to be 138
pressured by anybody. With her freakin’ brain?
DR. BERKOWITZ
The other day, she argued me into a 139
corner about the correct definition of
“bemused.” I almost cried.
LORI
It is confusing for girls out there. I’m 140
glad I got married so young. I was still
a (WINKS AND USES AIR QUOTES) ”virgin.”
DR. BERKOWITZ
What do you mean? 141
LORI
You know, a (WINKS AND USES AIR QUOTES) “virgin.” 142
PENELOPE
Why do you keep using air quotes and 143
winking when you say that?
LORI
I was a good Catholic girl, so I wanted to 144
save myself for marriage. But there are
other ways to have sex that are creative,
but keep you pure. Technically pure.
EVERYONE ABSORBS THIS.
DR. BERKOWITZ
I guess we’ll all spend the rest of the day 145
thinking of ways to look Lori in the eye.
PENELOPE
I totally forgot about the Catholic girl 146
workaround. I know a bunch of stupid
girls who bought into that -- (RE: LORI,
APOLOGETIC) I mean... (THEN, GIVING UP)
eh, whatever, you got snowed. (THEN) I
need to talk to Elena.
SCOTT
You want me to talk to Josh? 147
PENELOPE
No! 148
PENELOPE AND SCOTT EXIT, LEAVING LORI AND DR. BERKOWITZ THERE.
LORI
Big plans this weekend? 149
DR. BERKOWITZ
Don’t look at me. 150
HE AVERTS HIS EYES AND EXITS LEAVING HER THERE ALONE.
CUT TO:
SHOOTING DRAFT 1st REVISED (BLUE) - 08/02/16 D
SCENE D
INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT - LATER (DAY 2)

(Penelope, Lydia, Alex)
LYDIA AND ALEX ARE WATCHING TV.
SFX: GAVEL
ALEX
(RE: TV) That‘s the verdict? 151
LYDIA
Ah, just like I predicted. Claudia will 152
get full custody of the baby and shared
custody of Gordo the dog. Caso cerrado!
ALEX
You should be a TV judge. 153
PENELOPE ENTERS.
LYDIA
Oh, I don’t like to judge. (SPOTS 154
PENELOPE) Ay, you went out like that? You
should never wear orange. *
LYDIA/ALEX
Caso cerrado! 155
PENELOPE
Where is Elena? I really need to talk to 156
her.
LYDIA
You should! (SHE COVERS ALEX’S EARS) She 157
is a porno!
SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 D
PENELOPE
I think I know what you’re saying, and 158
it’s not fair. When you thought it was
Alex, you said it was healthy.
LYDIA
Claro. Boys are supposed to want the sex. 159
Girls are supposed to pretend to not want
the sex. Read the Bible, for God’s sake.
LYDIA UNCOVERS ALEX’S EARS.
ALEX
Watch the hair, Abuelita. 160
PENELOPE
Is Elena in her room? 161
LYDIA
No, she’s at Josh’s house. His family is 162
having a movie night, remember?
PENELOPE
That’s tonight? She’s been at Josh’s 163
like, every day this week.
PENELOPE PULLS OUT HER CELL PHONE AND DIALS.
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
Great. Straight to voicemail. (THEN, QUICKLY 164
INTO PHONE) Elena, I really need to talk to
you, so call me as soon as you get this.
Better yet, just come home right away. No,
scratch that, come home right away, but
still make sure to call me so I know you’re
coming home. (THEN) This is your mother.

SHOOTING DRAFT 1st REVISED (BLUE) - 08/02/16 D
SHE HANGS UP AND TURNS TO FIND LYDIA AND ALEX STARING AT HER.
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
It’s fine. I shouldn’t worry if she’s 165
with his family, right?
ALEX LOOKS NERVOUS.
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
What? What is it? 166
ALEX
It’s just that some kids at school said 167
Josh is having a party because his
parents are out of town.
PENELOPE
No parents? That’s terrible. 168
ALEX
I know! Who’s going to order the pizza? 169
Who’s going to clean up the mess?
PENELOPE COVERS ALEX’S EARS.
PENELOPE
Parties are not good! There’s alcohol. 170
Then everyone pairs off, next thing you
know, Carlos Piñero is trying to unhook
your bra on your best friend’s parents’
bed. (QUICKLY) Not me, Mami. I never did
that.
PENELOPE UNCOVERS ALEX’S EARS.
ALEX
I’m happy to just leave -- 171 *
ALEX STARTS TO LEAVE. LYDIA COVERS HIS EARS, STOPPING HIM.

SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 D
LYDIA
(TO PENELOPE) No sea ridícula. Elena 172
would not give away her purity at some
party.
LYDIA UNCOVERS ALEX’S EARS.
PENELOPE
(CALMING DOWN A BIT) You’re right. Right? 173
Right.
LYDIA
(REASSURING) Of course! Elena is a good 174
Catholic girl.
PENELOPE
(HORRIFIED) Oh my god! 175
PENELOPE RUSHES OUT THE DOOR.
CUT TO:
SHOOTING DRAFT 1st REVISED (BLUE) - 08/02/16 E
SCENE E
EXT. JOSH’S HOUSE- NIGHT (NIGHT 2)

(Penelope, Elena, Josh, Emma, Barb, Dave) *
PENELOPE APPROACHES THE FRONT DOOR AND HEARS:
SFX: LOUD PARTY SOUNDS
COMING FROM INSIDE. CONCERNED, SHE KNOCKS LOUDLY ON THE DOOR, BUT
NO ONE ANSWERS. SHE TRIES TO LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOWS, BUT THE
CURTAINS ARE PULLED. SHE LOOKS DOWN, SEES A DOGGY DOOR. SHE
CROUCHES TO LOOK THROUGH.
RESET TO:
SCENE E-2
INT. JOSH’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT 2)

(Penelope, Elena, Josh, Emma, Barb, Dave) *
PENELOPE'S HEAD COMES THROUGH THE DOGGY DOOR.
PENELOPE’S POV: SHE SEES THE BACK OF A COUCH AND THE BACK OF
ELENA, JOSH AND ANOTHER GIRL’S HEAD.
ANGLE ON: PENELOPE.
PENELOPE
(SOTTO) There’s no party, there’s just 176
three of them. (THEN, GASPING) Three!
BACK TO PENELOPE’S POV OF THE COUCH. JOSH MOTIONS TO HIS LAP.
JOSH
As you can see, ladies, I’ve got more 177
than enough for both of you.
AS PENELOPE’S EYES WIDEN, WE REVEAL:
ELENA, JOSH AND EMMA, JOSH’S LITTLE SISTER, WHO WEARS FRONT FACING*
HEADGEAR, SITTING ON THE COUCH, WATCHING A MOVIE. JOSH HOLDS A BIG
BOWL OF POPCORN ON HIS LAP. UNSEEN BY PENELOPE, SOME POPCORN
SPILLS ONTO THE FLOOR.
ELENA
Relax, I got it. 178
ELENA BENDS TO PICK UP THE POPCORN.

FROM PENELOPE’S POV: ALL SHE SEES IS ELENA’S HEAD GO DOWN.
PENELOPE
(SHRIEKING) Elena! 179
PENELOPE TRIES TO SCRAMBLE THROUGH THE DOGGY DOOR, BUT SHE GETS
STUCK. JOSH, ELENA AND THE OTHER GIRL BOLT UP FROM THE COUCH, VERY
SURPRISED TO SEE PENELOPE WHERE SHE IS. JOSH PAUSES THE MOVIE.
LIGHTS: ON
THEY WALK OVER TO THE DOOR.
ELENA
Mom?! What are you doing?! 180
PENELOPE
What are you doing?! 181
ELENA
Watching a movie with Josh and his little 182
sister.
EMMA *
You scared me. *
JOSH’S MOM (BARB) AND DAD (DAVE) ENTER.
BARB
What’s going on? 183
JOSH
Elena’s mom stopped by... ? 184
PENELOPE LOOKS UP AND TRIES TO BE CASUAL.
PENELOPE
Heyyyyyy. Barb. Dave. (THEN) Love these 185
hardwood floors. What is this, bamboo?
DAVE
(PUZZLED) Penelope, would you like to 186
come in?
PENELOPE
Sure, let me just unwedge myself from 187
your doggy door before I embarrass
myself.
PENELOPE TRIES TO GET OUT AND STRUGGLES.
DAVE
Just hold still. 188
DAVE SWINGS THE DOOR OPEN. STUCK, PENELOPE SWINGS WITH IT.
PENELOPE
Wheeeee. 189
PENELOPE BACKS OUT OF THE DOGGY DOOR AND ENTERS LIKE A NORMAL
PERSON.
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
This way works, too. Good to see you guys 190 *
... all here and not out of town.
DAVE
Why would we be out of town? 191
PENELOPE
Oh, no reason. Just, twelve-year-olds who 192
don’t know anything say a lot of stuff.
JOSH
We must not have heard you knock. We were 193
watching a movie.
BARB
Would you like to join us? 194
ELENA
No. 195
PENELOPE
Yeah, no, thank you. I just came here 196
to... bring Elena... (COVERING) my
jacket.
PENELOPE AWKWARDLY TAKES OFF HER JACKET AND HANDS IT TO A CONFUSED

ELENA.
ELENA
O-kay. I’ll just put it on over this 197
jacket.
AWKWARD BEAT.
PENELOPE
I’m going to go. 198
SHE STARTS TO GO, THEN:
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
Just so you know, some maniac drove over 199
your mailbox, but they left fifty bucks, *
so that seems fair, right?
AS SHE EXITS, WE...
CUT TO:
SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 H
SCENE H
INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT (NIGHT 2)

(Penelope, Lydia, Schneider, Elena, Alex)
ALEX SITS AT THE TABLE WITH SCHNEIDER’S PHONE. SCHNEIDER SITS

ACROSS FROM HIM. LYDIA ENTERS.
LYDIA
Schneider, I already fed you. Why are you 200
still here?
ALEX
He’s making me describe his Instagram 201
feed to him.
SCHNEIDER
And yet you stopped doing it. 202
ALEX AND LYDIA LOOK AT THE PHONE OVER THE FOLLOWING:
ALEX
Someone’s salad, looks like a cobb... 203
someone’s cat, looks like a tabby... some
blonde lady, looks like a dye job ...
SCHNEIDER
Oh, is that PinkPebbles89? What’s she 204
been up to?
LYDIA
(SCROLLING) Oh, Throwaway Thursday. Holy 205
caca, she was one ugly duckling. Let me
take a closer look. (SHE DOUBLE TAPS THE
SCREEN)
ALEX
Abeulita, you just made Schneider like the photo! 206
SCHNEIDER GASPS, STANDS, AND BEGINS TO PACE.

SCHNEIDER
Oh no, oh no, oh no. When did she post it? 207
ALEX
Forty-six weeks ago. Oh buddy, that is rough. 208
SCHNEIDER
Now she’s gonna think I’ve been creeping 209
her feed and I want her back in my life.
(TO LYDIA) Do you know what you’ve done?
LYDIA
I have no idea. 210
HE GRABS THE PHONE.
SCHNEIDER
(ANGRY) Now I have to create twelve fake 211
accounts to like that photo so that my
like gets buried. Which means I’m back on
the internet. Thanks a lot! (THEN) Oooh,
Living Social daily deal on omakase.
Oishii desu ne!
PENELOPE ENTERS.
PENELOPE
Guess what, Josh’s parents? Home. (TO ALEX) 212
You got fed some bad intel. Up your gossip
game, son.
ALEX
Oh yeah. It turns out it was Josh B’s 213
parents who were out of town, not Josh F’s.

PENELOPE
(TO ALEX) You didn’t think to text me that? 214
You know I always have my phone.
SCHNEIDER
(ENGROSSED IN PHONE) Unplug, Penelope. 215
ELENA ENTERS THE FRONT DOOR. SHE SEES PENELOPE AND GLARES.
PENELOPE
(SWEETLY) Heyyyyyy. You’re back early. 216
ELENA
Yeah, I left because I was embarrassed! 217
Everyone was talking about my mom who ran
over the mailbox to bring me a jacket.
PENELOPE
Sounds like you’ve got yourself a cool 218
mom. (THEN) Look, I’m sorry about what
happened, but we need to talk.
ELENA
About what? 219
ALEX
Here, you’re going to want this. 220
ALEX PUTS THE BLANKET OVER ELENA’S HEAD.
ELENA
Why does everybody think I’m cold? 221
ELENA RIPS OFF THE BLANKET AND EXITS TO HER ROOM. PENELOPE
FOLLOWS.
CUT TO:
SHOOTING DRAFT - 08/01/16 J
SCENE J
INT. ELENA’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER (NIGHT 2)

(Penelope, Lydia, Elena)
ELENA IS SITTING ON HER BED. PENELOPE PACES AROUND, NERVOUS.
ELENA
What’s going on? Why are you acting like 222
a freak?
PENELOPE
Okay, Elena, I’m just gonna say it -- I 223
know you’ve been looking at pornography.
ELENA
(HEAD IN HANDS) Oh my god. 224
PENELOPE SITS DOWN NEXT TO ELENA.
PENELOPE
I found it on your brother’s computer. 225
Thanks for an unnecessary, but super fun
conversation with Alex, by the way.
ELENA
(SHEEPISH) Sorry, I would have used my 226
computer but I didn’t want it to get a
virus.
PENELOPE
Elena that’s -- (THEN) pretty smart, 227
actually. But I would have found out
anyway, because I have that tracking
software on all your computers.
ELENA
No, you don’t. 228

PENELOPE
No, I don’t. (GETS UP AND PACES AGAIN) 229
Okay, so obviously you’re curious about
stuff and that’s completely normal. It
just makes me wonder if you’re thinking
about... or possibly having... you
know... sex. (THEN) I don’t want you to
feel like it’s wrong. It’s actually a
really beautiful experience... (OFF HER
LOOK) that you’re too young to be having
right now. (THEN) But if you are, I want
you to be safe. And be doing it for the
right reasons, not because you’re feeling
pressured. And I want you to be able to
come to me. Because I didn’t have that
with your abuelita. And I want to be
different.
ELENA
Mom, I’m not having sex. 230
RELIEVED, PENELOPE THROWS HER ARMS AROUND HER.
PENELOPE
Oh, thank god! You’re way too young! And 231
anyway, guys are really bad at it at
first. Not that I’m saying you should
find an older guy --
ELENA
Mom, stop talking! 232

PENELOPE
I’m going to stop talking. I felt like I 233
was gonna black out for a second there.
(TAKES A DEEP BREATH, THEN) It’s just --
all of this seemed like it was happening
really fast. Josh is your first
boyfriend.
ELENA
I know. And I really like him. But I 234
don’t know if I like him like that.
PENELOPE
Hey, that’s fine. In fact it’s great! 235
You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.
There will be plenty of other boys.
ELENA
I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love with 236
a boy.
PENELOPE
Aw, I totally get what you’re saying. And 237
I have been there. But I promise, you’ll
know when it’s the right guy.
ELENA
But what if that’s not what I want? 238

PENELOPE
Oh, I know, (AS ELENA) “marriage is a 239
patriarchal tool invented to enslave
women, and all men are adult babies.” But
I’m not talking about that, I’m talking
about love and I’m so happy that we’re
talking like this. ‘Cause you can tell me
anything.
ELENA
Okay. (TREADING LIGHTLY) Then what I’m 240
trying to say is that when I think about
love, I see myself... someday...
loving... a woman.
PENELOPE IS SHOCKED.
PENELOPE
... Oh. 241
A BEAT AS PENELOPE TAKES THIS IN. THEN:
PENELOPE (CONT’D)
(ANNOYED) Why do I keep giving everyone 242
the wrong sex talks? (THEN) So, how...
(THEN) I mean... when? (FLUSTERED) You,
you, you talk.
ELENA
Well, it’s just, I realized that if I was 243
going to be into a guy, it would be Josh.
He’s so sweet, and he’s cute, and he’s
such a gentleman but...
(MORE)
ELENA (CONT'D)
I feel more when I look at a picture of
Kristen Stewart than I do when I kiss
him.
PENELOPE
(REALIZING) No wonder you saw those 244
Twilight movies so many times.
ELENA
Definitely wasn’t for the quality 245
storytelling.
PENELOPE
Huh. I guess this also explains the 246
threesome movie.
ELENA
Can we not talk about that ever again? 247
PENELOPE
Nothing would make me happier. 248
A BEAT, THEN:
ELENA
(SCARED) So... are you okay with this? 249
PENELOPE
Oh, baby, of course I am. I love you and 250
I want you to be happy. You should never
be afraid to tell me anything about
yourself.
ELENA
Thank you. I’ve been wanting to tell you 251
for a long time.

PENELOPE
I’m glad you did. 252
PENELOPE HUGS ELENA.
ELENA
Oh my god, I feel like this huge weight 253
has been lifted. Like the hardest part is
over.
JUST THEN, LYDIA POKES HER HEAD IN THE DOOR.
LYDIA
Hello, you two. 254
PENELOPE
(TO ELENA) Maybe not the hardest part... 255
PENELOPE AND ELENA SHARE A LOOK. OFF THIS, WE...
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW

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"Sex Talk"

SHOOTING DRAFT 1st REVISED (BLUE) – 8/02/16

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED OR REPRODUCED BY ANY MEANS, OR

Shooting Draft 1ST Revised (BLUE)

Dr. Berkowitz.............................Stephen Tobolowsky

Schneider..................................... Todd Grinnell

Elena........................................ Isabella Gomez

Alex............................................ Marcel Ruiz

Josh .........................................Froy Gutierrez

Shooting Draft 1st Revised (BLUE)

INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT

INT. DR. BERKOWITZ’S OFFICE – BULL PEN

EXT. JOSH’S HOUSE

INT. JOSH’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

INT. ELENA’S BEDROOM

Cues & Effects

SFX: PORN SOUNDS – P. 3

SCENE B (NIGHT 1) (5) ! ! ! !

SCENE C (DAY 2) (17) ! ! ! !

SCENE D (DAY 2) (21) ! ! ! !

INT. PENELOPE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT (NIGHT 1)

PENELOPE IS ON THE COUCH, WITH A GLASS OF WINE, CLIPPING COUPONS.

(SINGING TO HERSELF) Drinking wine and 1

clipping a coupon, feeling’ fine and

nothing rhymes with ‘coupon’...

SCHNEIDER POPS HIS HEAD IN THE DOOR.

Hey Pen, you busy? 2

Yes. My mom is at the opera with Dr. 3

Berkowitz and the kids are out of the

house. (POINTED) So I’m finally enjoying

some time to myself.

SCHNEIDER ENTERS AND SITS DOWN.

Totally get it. What are we doing? 4

Oooh, wine and coupons... been there. But 5

substitute wine with whiskey and coupons

with regret. Dark days.

(BEAT) Did you want something? 6

Just to share some amazing news. You 7

know, there comes a time in a man’s life

when his eyes get opened to the majesty

(SNAPPING) Say your thing and leave! 8

I am... “unplugged!” No more internet, no 9

social media, not even a phone. I took

the stairs here.

We don’t have an elevator. 10

No, you don’t have an elevator. But the 11

point is, I’m technology free now and

loving it. Anyway, I really need to use

HE WALKS OVER TO THE LAPTOP ON THE TABLE.

That was quick. Why don’t you just use 12

your own laptop?

(EMBARRASSED) The combination to my safe 15

Oh, that has made all of this worthwhile. 16

I need to find a new place to get my 17

You can just do everything else silently. 18

SFX: PORN SOUNDS

SCHNEIDER ATTEMPTS TO CLICK THE WINDOW CLOSED, TO NO AVAIL.