Module 5

ME, MYSELF, AND THE OTHERS: DEVELOPMENT OF VALUES, PRINCIPLES

AND IDEOLOGIES, LOVE AND ATTRACTION, AND RISK TAKING BEHAVIOR
AND PEER INFLUENCES

Introduction

In the previous module, adolescents became aware that understanding one’s self can be
achieved by exploring the various changes that they have gone through. The current module
discusses what factors play a role in the development of the self through interaction with others.
Adolescents and young adult’s self-formation is constructed through a specific social context.
They did not become the person they are at present all on their own, but there were other people
who helped them develop how they see themselves.
Culture, family and peers play a role in shaping who we think we are and how we feel
about ourselves. First and foremost, cultural values and ideologies shape the development of the
adolescents and young adults’ development of the self. In addition, social institutions and agents
of socialization were the ones responsible in helping adolescents and young adults learn these
values and ideologies. Since their first exposure on values and ideologies happened at home, the
family serves as the foundation in which these are learned. Furthermore, according to development
psychologist Raef (2010), culture can influence how an individual views relationship, for instance,
to whom we are attracted and love; and how we express those emotions. The very same values
and ideologies would also influence their risk-taking behaviors. Though children are deeply
attached to their parents, the significant attachments during adolescence and adulthood shift
gradually towards peers.

5.1 Development of Values, Principles and Ideologies

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”
- Roy E. Disney

Every society has values adhered to by its members. Values are culturally defined
standards that people use to decide what is desirable, good, and beautiful and that serve as broad
guidelines for social living (Macionis, 2012, p.61). By embracing certain values, individuals feel
that they belong to a particular society. They are not different with the other members. They share
the same ideologies or set of principles that guide the members’ behavior (Santos, 2017). Their
ideologies or beliefs are supported by values; specific thoughts or ideas that people hold to be true
(Macionis, 2012, p.61). In other words, values are broad standards that support beliefs. These are
abstract standards of goodness; beliefs are particular matters that individuals consider true of false
(Macionis, 2012, p.61).

Values, principles, and ideologies are all part of the broader concept, culture. For
anthropologists, it refers to the way of life of any society. (Ember and Ember, 1999 as cited in
Ventura, Wui, and Rolda, 2003). People living in a particular society share the same culture,
therefore, they also understand each other when they show or express their values and beliefs.
 Individuals’ values, which are learned through socialization, help them develop ideologies
and principles. Through the values held by an individual, they learn particular views which they
will embrace. They will stick to it no matter what.

Ideology is one of the important concepts in the social sciences, particularly in the field of
sociology. However, the exact localization of this term remains uncertain. For many sociologists,
ideology is used to describe a phenomenon of belief. Karl Marx presented his belief in the value
of the absolute monarchy for the land aristocracy, Mannheim; and Aron expressed his belief in the
universal vocation of the collectivist mode for the Socialists (Freeden, n.d). These sociologists
used ideologies in explaining their view of the society.

In the Philippines, our ideologies are heavily influences by our values and experiences.
Being colonized for centuries, the Filipino ideology is described as democratic and humanistic.
The colonization period in the country made Filipinos crave for equality, freedom and justice
(Cruz, 1986). This is evident through unity and solidarity of the Filipinos in terms of social abuse
and political dictatorship.

The ideologies and principles of Filipinos are our armor in dealing socio-political issues
which are trying to challenge our national identity. Through these, Filipino culture will continue
to stand firm because the history that shaped our culture has prepared us for national threats and
other external forces that may affect our being.

The values, as mentioned above, function as our guide on how to become a good member
of our society. Our ideologies and principles are anchored on our values and we can easily be
defined through all these. As Filipinos, we are defined by our culture and we are known by our
practices and beliefs. These values and ideologies shaped the development of the self.

Discussion

Filipino values have been discussed and described by foreign scholars in a number of
literatures. Being an outsider, they have a different interpretation of these values. Enriquez (1978,
1994, as cited in Pe-Pua and Protacio-Marcelino, 2000) challenged these interpretations that led to
the rethinking of Filipino values. Some Filipino scholars like Lagmay, Salazar, and Bonifacio
(n.d) took up the challenge and conducted their own research on Filipino.

One of the most common expressions among Filipinos is “Bahala na” which is also an
important Filipino value. It signifies, strength and courage to face whatever challenges Filipinos
are facing. Lagmay (1977) explained that bahala na is not ‘‘fatalism’’ but ‘‘determination and
risk-taking’’. When Filipinos say “Bahala na”, they are not saying that God will take care of
everything and that they will not do anything about their situation. Rather, they are expressing that
they are up to the challenge. Bahala na for Filipinos also means that they have already done their
best in preparing for the challenges (Pe-Pua and Protacio-Marcelino, 2000).

Another value that Filipinos have is “hiya”. Salazar (1981, 1985b) showed the internal and
external aspects of hiya. Evidently, the negative view of “hiya” is the external aspect which
foreign scholars have captured. But for Salazar (1981, 1985b as cited in Pe-Pua and Protacio-
Marcelino, 2000) the more appropriate translation of hiya in English is not ‘‘shame’’ but ‘‘sense
of propriety’’, a positive word that connotes the importance of one’s morality and dignity.

Another common Filipino value is “utang na loob”. Enriquez (1977), a Filipino scholar,
stated that it is not really about reciprocity or returning the favor, but rather, it pertains to
gratitude/solidarity. It is not similar to having debts that you need to pay, rather, it is an
interpersonal relation that gives you the opportunity to return the favor. It may not happen
immediately but it will definitely happen. This kind of relationship may also go for generations
and will involve future children (Pe-Pua and Protacio-Marcelino, 2000).

“Kapwa” is a concept which is actually at the heart of the structure of Filipino values
(Enriquez, 1978, 1994, as cited in Pe-Pua, 2000). Some scholars may say that it is about
maintaining smooth interpersonal relationships among Filipinos, but for Enriquez (1978,1994), it
is about “pakikipagkapwa” or treating other person as fellow human being.

One can name a number of Filipino values which can still be observed despite all the societal
changes that have occurred. One example of this is the value of close family ties. Filipinos are
known for being family-oriented, and with this, you can see many Filipinos taking care of their
elders. It is also noticeable that in the Philippine society, when the parents get old, the children do
not bring them to the home for the aged, instead, they personally take care of their parents. Another
situation that shows Filipinos being family-oriented is the act of staying with the parents even
when the son or daughter already has his or her own family. Extended family is common in the
country. This shows that Filipinos value being family-centered therefore they believe that they
have to spend time with their parents and take care of them when they get old or sick.

5.2. Attraction, Intimacy and Love

“There are all types of love in the world but never the same love twice.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Values, principles and ideologies shaped whom we are attracted and how we are attracted
to another individual. As students, attraction, intimacy and love may represent some of the best
and worst moments of their lives. It is in this period that adolescents and young adults begin to
explore who they are and what they are capable of doing. As they explore their sexuality, they also
try to explore relationships. They begin to have crushes, develop infatuation, fall in love, and get
hurt. Just as they are confused with what they want to do with their lives, they are as confuse as to
what really love is.

Discussion

Humans are very much fascinated with love. It is such a pervasive part of our humanity
that art and culture is filled with references about love (Hogenboom, 2016). We talk about love in
literature. We listen to it through music. We see love through paintings, murals, and sculptures.
But what is love? Why do we even love?
 There is no fixed definition of love. It is because of the subjectivity and diversity of
experience. People experience love differently from one another. The interpretation and
understanding of such experience also differ. Thus, there is a need to discuss the various theories
on the meaning and origin of love.

Table 1: Some Theories about Love

THEORY CONCEPTIONS ABOUT LOVE
Evolutionary Theory Humans love to achieve reproductive success, that is, survival and
continuation of the species
Learning Theory Love is learned – a product of conditioning.
Biological Theory There are biochemical associations and changes that happen in the
human body (hormones and neurotransmitters, etc.)
Ontological Theory Love occurs as a desire to be with the “other half.”

Sternberg (1988) conceptualized love in terms of three basic components that form the
vertices of a triangle: intimacy, passion, and commitment. The intimacy component is primarily
emotional or affective in nature and involves feelings of warmth, closeness, connection, and
bondedness in the love relationship. The passion component is motivational and consists of the
drives that are involved in romantic and physical attraction, sexual consummation, and related
phenomena. The commitment component is largely cognitive and represents both the short-term
decision that one individual loves another and the longer term commitment to maintain that love.

The three basic components of love combine to produce eight different love types.

1. Non-love (no intimacy, passion, or decision/commitment) describes casual interactions

that are characterized by the absence of all three love components. Most of our personal
relationships (which are essentially casual associations) can be defined as non-love.
2. Liking (intimacy alone) relationships are essentially friendship. They contain warmth,
intimacy, closeness, and other positive emotional experiences but lack both passion and
decision/ commitment.
3. Infatuation (passion alone) is an intense, “love at first sight” experience that is
characterized by extreme attraction and arousal in the absence of any real emotional
intimacy and decision/ commitment.
4. In empty love (decision/commitment alone) relationships, the partners are committed to
each other and the relationship but lack an intimate emotional connection and passionate
attraction. This type of love is often seen at the end of long-term relationships (or at the
beginning of arranged marriages).
5. Romantic love (intimacy and passion) consists of feelings of closeness and connection
coupled with strong physical attraction.
6. Companionate love (intimacy and decision/commitment) is essentially a long-term, stable,
and committed friendship that is characterized by high amounts of emotional intimacy, the
decision to love the partner, and the commitment to remain in the relationship. This type
of love is often seen in “best friendships” that are nonsexual or in long-term marriages in
which sexual attraction has faded.
 7. Couples who experience fatuous love (passion and decision/commitment) based their
commitment to each other on passion rather than on deep emotional intimacy. These
“whirlwind” relationships are typically unstable and at risk for termination.
8. Consummate love (intimacy, passion and decision/commitment) results from the
combination of all three components. According to Sternberg, this is the type of “complete”
love that many individuals strive to attain, particularly in their romantic relationships.

The philosophy and phenomenology of love tell us that the experience of love begins with
a feeling of loneliness. And this feeling of loneliness ends when you are found by another in what
we call a “loving encounter.” This encounter is then followed succeeding stages that culminates
into its highest form.

“Reciprocity of love” takes place following the loving encounter. Reciprocity in love
means to give and to take. “Creativity of love” follows once the act of giving and taking is imbibed.
Love builds. It builds persons, relationships, foundations. It builds characters, attitudes and
behavior. Then comes the “union of love.” Love means to identify yourself with the other. A
metaphysical union which tells that in love there’s no longer a “you” and “me” but a “we”—an
“us.” Unity precedes “the gift of self.” In love, this means sacrifice. There is indeed an element of
sacrifice in loving the other which is understood by many of us as a loss of self. “Love is historical.”
It means that love is now timeless—it is forever; it endures the seasons and the changes in life. It
is like wine which gets better over time. Lastly, the highest level by which we can attain love is
when there is “Equality in love.” Love is not a bondage but a liberation. In love, there must be no
superior nor inferior. Freedom must be practiced within love—freedom to be your own self, and
express the mutual love shared with your loved one.

The phenomenology of love tells us, that we cannot move from one level without fulfilling
the previous ones. Falling out of love, pain, and heartaches will be experienced if issues arising
from any of the levels are not resolved.

Social psychologists, on the other hand, present various reasons on how we go about loving
another person:

1. Proximity – Why do we usually develop crushes on our classmate, neighbor, or workmate?

By proximity, we talk about physical nearness. People tend to fall in love with people with
whom we have regular contact. They are there. They are the ones who are readily available.
2. Similarity – Do opposites attract? Or do similarities attract? Surprisingly, people tend to
have stronger feelings for people who share the same attitudes, values, and interests.
3. Reciprocal liking – You have a crush on your classmate. Your classmate shares the same
feelings with you. Reciprocal liking means that people are likely to develop strong feelings
for someone who share these feelings, because it pays off. (I like you. You like me. We
should be together.)
4. Physical attraction – Does physical beauty really count? Yes. People are initially attracted
to people whom we find physically attractive. In case of people who do not really have the
physical assets, some factors may compensate that may be found attractive.
 5. Matching hypothesis – What is your ideal partner? People consider their own personal
characteristics (physical attractiveness, physical fitness, wealth) when we seek romantic
partners.

There are instances wherein people experience what we call a “one-sided love”, a love that
is never reciprocated. In other words an unrequited love. Unrequited love is unreciprocated love
that causes yearning for more complete love. Unrequited love occurs when differences in the
aspirations or experiences of love result in a yearning for more complete love by one of the
individuals in the relationship. The experience of unrequited love may be a short-lived mood state,
a developmental stage in a relationship, idiosyncratic to the combination of two individuals, or the
result of a stable attribute.

There are five types of Unrequited Love, a continuum from lower to greater levels of
interdependence:
1. crush on someone unavailable - Someone can have a crush on a love object who exists, but
who is seldom too far or unreachable (e.g., a rock star, a movie star). The person has little
or no chance of forming an equal, reciprocal relationship because the love object is
unavailable.
2. crush on someone nearby - Some potential romantic partners may be physically nearby.
The presence of the love object may influence the charmed person’s behavior (e.g.,
attempts at contact are made). There can be interaction, which may be perfunctory and
contain no disclosure of romantic interests, or the relationship may develop into a
friendship without clear revelation of romantic interests (Baumeister & Wotman, 1992).
3. pursuing a love object - someone may decide to initiate a romantic relationship, either
through somewhat passive routes (increasing contact, ambiguous statements), or more
active communication of romantic interests (asking for a date). The intentions may or may
not be accurately perceived by the love object (Baumeister & Wotman, 1992), resulting in
varying degrees of emotions and differences in expectations for the future of the romantic
relationship (Arriaga, 2001). This romantic inclination can develop within the context of a
friendship.
4. longing for a past lover – Dissolution of a relationship is often not mutual (Davis, Ace, &
Andra, 2002; Hill, Rubin, & Peplau, 1976). In contrast to those who leave a dating partner,
those who are committed to a deteriorating relationship continue to invest in the
relationship, find the relationship satisfying, devalue alternative relationships, stalk, and
profess commitment after the relationship dissolves (Meloy & Fisher, 2005; Rusbult,
1983).
5. an unequal love relationship – Once a romantic relationship has been initiated, there may
be differences in the intensity of love, in the nature of the love experienced by the two
individuals, or differences in the expectations about the pace of relationship development.
It is a question on the quantity and/or the quality of love.

At this stage of development where adolescents and young adults try to discover who they
are as human beings, a discussion on love, attraction and intimacy is very important to point some
realities that lead to understanding what love is. Students will be able to address some issues,
acknowledge love’s complexities, and empower themselves so as to improve their intimate
relationships and sustain love which would eventually help in the development of the self.
5.3. Risk-Taking Behavior and Peer Influences

“As much as people refuse it, the company you keep does have an impact and influence on your
choices.”
- Anonymous

Using Sigmund Freud and Albert Bandura’s theories of development, children are mainly
dependent on their family. Everything that they know and do are based on the teachings and
decisions of their parents. It is during this stage that the family particularly the primary nurturer
has “almost the exclusive control of the person during the first years of life and preeminent control
during the childhood and adolescent years” (Macionis, 2012; Santrock, 2005 and McGee, 1980).
Unfortunately, the family is not the sole agent of socialization. As children grow, they eventually
expand their horizon, meet new people and acquire new set of knowledge, beliefs, values and ideas
that may support or challenge in contrast with their parent’s initial teachings. Aside from their
parents and siblings’ perception about them, individuals especially reaching the age of adolescence
and young adulthood become more conscious and sensitive to the opinions and approval of their
peers (Delamater, Myers and Collett, 2015 and Myers, 2005). The notion that they must “fit in”
and that they “belong” prompt them to do anything just to create and maintain these relationships.

Outside their homes, adolescents and young adults seek companionship and security and
thus form alliances with the people they meet who sometimes shared similarities with them. These
people become their peers. Peers refer to groups of people which mostly are sharing the
individual’s interest, hobbies, activities, socio-economic and demographic characteristics and are
frequently in the same age-cohort as the person making them easier to spend time with and sharing
personal experiences. Nowadays, many people consider their peers as part of their family (Reitz,
et al, 2014; Albert, Chein and Steinberg, 2013; Macionis, 2012). Adolescents and young adults, in
order to fit in, adopt their peer’s way of life - clothing, speech, the way they interact, habits and
activities.

Adolescents and young adults are more likely to take part in a wide array of risk-taking behavior
in comparison to children and older persons. A likely explanation on why the former are more
risk takers than the latter was their readiness to accept uncertainties – situations in which the
likelihood of winning and losing is unknown. The higher level of risk-taking noted among
adolescents and young adults may manifest a higher tolerance for the unknown. An added
explanation would be that risk taking is basically a part of an adolescent and young adult’s effort
to test out an identity that provides development of the self and separation from others. It is also
an attempt to acquire independence that may possibly result to challenging authority

Discussion

Risk-taking behavior is described as the behavior that is volitional and there is a conscious
weighing of alternative courses of action. Irwin (1990) defines adolescent risk-taking behaviors
as those behaviors, undertaken volitionally, whose outcomes remain uncertain with the possibility
of an identifiable health outcome. However, when one studies the risk taking behaviors engaged
by adolescents, they are not only related to health, and risk-taking behavior can also be seen as
positive or negative. Positive risk-taking behavior provides significant opportunities for
development. Examples of positive risk-taking behavior includes participating in sports,
developing artistic and creative abilities, and joining advocacy groups or social movements.
Adolescents and young adults take part in positive risk taking behaviors to contribute to self-
confidence, enhance their competence and fulfilling needs for independence. On the other hand,
curiosity, sexual maturity, a natural inclination toward experimentation and peer pressure can lead
to negative risk-taking behavior. This include drinking, smoking, substance abuse, sexual activity
and the like.

Some of the explanation of risk-taking behavior of students include the following:

1. According to Jessor (1982), behaviors such as smoking, drinking, illegal substance use,
risky driving, or early sexual activity should be considered "purposeful, meaningful, goal
oriented and functional rather than arbitrary or perverse." As such, problem behaviors in
adolescence and young adults can be instrumental in acquiring peer acceptance and respect;
in establishing independence from parents, in repudiating the norms and values of
conventional authority; in dealing with anxiety, frustration, and the anticipation of failure;
in confirming for self and significant others certain attributes of identity; or in affirming
maturity and marking a transition out of childhood and toward a more adult status”.

2. Baumrind (1987) has also argued that risk-taking is a part of normal adolescence.
According to Baumrind, a certain amount of "eustress" is necessary to develop self-
confidence, improve competence, and provide reinforcement for taking initiatives.
Baumrind distinguishes behaviors that are potentially developmentally adaptive from those
that are "pathogenic"-dangerous with little or no chance for secondary gain. Irwin (1987)
has used the term exploratory behavior to distinguish developmentally constructive risk-
taking from negative behaviors traditionally associated with the term risk-taking behavior.
The former refers to experimentation within a controlled or adaptive context; the latter
refers to those behaviors that have the potential to jeopardize health and prosocial
development.

3. Risk-taking behaviors may fulfill adolescents' evolving needs for autonomy, mastery, and
intimacy (Irwin & Millstein, 1986). These changing attributes influence the trajectory of
risk-taking behavior. Prevalence of sexual activity increases with increasing age; substance
use and injury-related behavior peak in late adolescence and young adulthood. Behaviors
such as sexual activity and alcohol use, which are deemed risky, deviant, and problematic
at age 12, are normative by age 18.

One of the main influences of risk-taking behavior are the peers. According to Macionis
(2012), Santrock (2005), and Ventura et. al (2003), peers are those people of roughly the same age
and are mostly in the individual’s range of social class, race and same stage of development and
maturity. They also share similar interests, hobbies and activities and are most of the time in close
social proximity with one another. In a study of Albert, Chein and Steinberg (2013), they found
that individuals also more often consider their peers as their siblings and become an alternate
reference group to whom they often look for approval and acceptance. Peers have a great potential
to influence one’s study habits, work aspiration and lifestyle. In the field of social psychology,
this concept refers to the norm of choosing to form relationships with people who share the same
interest, socio-economic and demographic characteristics, beliefs, values, social class and
perception about life (Delamater, Myers and Collett, 2015).

Peer influence is the influence coming from an individual’s set of friends. Individuals may
not be pressured but they are gradually affected by the activities and choices of their friends
because they want to be accepted and received the approval of their friends (Brofenbrenner as cited
in Oswald and Suss, 1988 cited in Zou, Ganguli and Shahnawaz, 2014). On the other hand, peer
pressure refers to the pressure or type of control directly or indirectly imposed to an individual for
him/her to belong. It can take many forms and is not limited only to kids (De Guzman, 2007).

There are three types of peer influence: Normative, Informational and Facilitative
Influence (Delamater, Myers and Collett, 2015 and Bergen, Dowd and Monjaras, 2012).
Normative influence is the most general or common type of peer influence. This is what causes an
individual to engage in certain behaviors like smoking, drinking and the likes. Normative influence
is also considered as the strongest among the three. One main reason behind this is the desire of
individuals to receive approval and acceptance and to belong to their groups. Informational
influence refers to the situation where individuals change their beliefs, opinions or perception to
agree with the opinions of the majority or certain groups and are mostly through the change in
information that they get through constant communication and interaction with other people.
Facilitative influence refers to the influence created by one’s continuous socialization or
interaction with other people that they learn and acquire the habits and ways of living of these
people.

There are several types of peer pressure (De Guzman, 2007 and Boujlaleb, 2006). Direct or active
peer pressure refers to the kind of pressure which directly ask or force someone to do something.
This is a powerful form of peer pressure because it becomes difficult for the receiving party to
resist. This includes the concept of “the Chicken Game” where peers dare or order one of their
friends to do something and label the person “chicken” if he/she refuse to do the dare. Indirect or
passive peer pressure refers to the kind of pressure which occur through listening and observing
the activities of other people around and feeling the “need” to participate in order to fit in. Positive
peer pressure refers to the kind of pressure that results to positive or beneficial outcome. Negative
peer pressure refers to the kind of pressure that results to negative, destructive or harmful outcome.