The Critic

Written by

Toby Martin Hughes & James Shannon

INT. a small bathroom.

ANA is throwing up into a sink. Head waiter MARCUS’ voice can be

heard from the other side of the door.

MARCUS
Are you kidding? Get the fuck out of there!

ANA is staring at a mirror. She is Eastern European and around 30

years old. She is exhausted and has bags under her eyes. Her apron
is covered in food and her brow in sweat. She’s very anxious.

ANA
(Upset, coughing and spluttering)
Doamne!

MARCUS hammers on the door with his fists. The tempo of the clock
seems to be slowly speeding up.

MARCUS
Ana, you’re needed.
S​he’ll be here any minute.

People can be heard mumbling, a phone can be heard ringing and the
repeated noise of a bell hailing a new order. Knocking can be
heard at a door.

MARCUS
Don’t get stage fright. Get out of there NOW.

MARCUS pounds at the door again.

ANA has one last look at herself, washing her mouth out and her
face.

TITLE CARD - The Critic

ANA
(To herself)
Haide, ce naiba, haide, curaj.

ANA heads for the bathroom door.

CUT TO: ANA walking down a long, dark corridor towards the
restaurant kitchen.

2
INT. a small restaurant kitchen.

It is the evening shift in a London restaurant. Food orders are

piling up and waiters blur in and out of shot. A bell sounds
repetitively as more orders are added to the list.

CU: ANA is using a knife to repeatedly slice through a fillet of

Salmon. The cuts are precise yet delicate.

The male KITCHEN PORTERS can be heard shouting and laughing to

each other in the background. Their voices are hoarse and blurred
and mixed with sharp laughter. They ignore ANA.

CUT TO CU: LESLEY (face unseen) draws a razor down his face.

Tracking shot – ANA puts the knife down, moving to the cooker.

CUT TO CU: LESLEY tightens his apron strings (close on knuckles).

ANA lowers her head looking closely at the heat and adds some oil
to a pan. The heat flicks up over the pan.

ANA drops the fillet into the pan.

The KITCHEN PORTERS laugh.

ANA has a cross around her neck. She is rubbing it. Some of the
metal patina has worn away to reveal the shiny surface beneath.

CUT TO CU: Lesley grabs for a bottle of brandy (close on hand).

ANA hears distant footsteps. She looks around and flinches.

ANA starts cutting up courgette. She inconsistently chops the end

of the vegetable.

ANA
(Under her breath)
Proasto.

She shakes her head, wipes her brow and starts again, looking more
intently at the chopping board. She takes the courgette and some
chopped chilli and drops them into a pan.

3
CUT TO: the dish is arranged on a plate, and natural yoghurt is
spooned over the top.

LESLEY (aggressively to ANA)

Is that how my dish is done?

CU: The jaw of the man talking to ANA.

ANA is slowly shrouded by LESLEY’S shadow.

CU: She rubs the cross around her neck.

ANA
Nearly chef, I just added...

LESLEY
...Do it again. My way.

ANA
Yes Chef!

LESLEY picks up the plate and throws it into the bin.

Shot: Lesley’s hand holding the plate and the bin in the
foreground and Ana reacting in the background.

ANA flinches.

Executive head chef LESLEY is middle aged. He’s a large,

aggressive and intimidating man. His uniform is well worn and too
tight due to recent weight gain.

In the background, a noticeboard displays photos of LESLEY with

famous people and old newspaper cuttings of the restaurant.

DOLLY INTO OR PAN: newspaper cuttings, that show LESLEY in his

heyday. He looks happier and smarter.

MARCUS crashes into the kitchen and stares at ANA with incredulity
before speaking to LESLEY

MARCUS
Have we heard from Pete?

CU: ANA looks nervous but takes a deep breath and regains her
composure.

4
 LESLEY
Not yet.

MARCUS
I’m getting all sorts of shit out there.
Not only is the food late, but one of our punters spotted a rat.
I’d get Ana to sort it out but the fucking keys for the storage
room have gone walkies.

LESLEY
Shut it bow tie.

MARCUS
Are we going on table twelve?

LESLEY
It’ll be ready when I say so.

MARCUS leaves the kitchen. As the door swings the guests can be
heard complaining next door.

LESLEY dials a number on his mobile and waits as it continues to

ring.

LESLEY
Come on, pick up... Christ!

LESLEY cancels the call. MARCUS returns.

MARCUS
The twats on ten have ordered.

MARCUS hands the order to LESLEY who reads it out aloud before
adding it to the docket rail with the other tickets.

LESLEY
Two steaks medium.
And Ana... what do you need to remember?

LESLEY points to a sign above on the noticeboard. It reads

‘Standards’. Ana looks up.

ANA
Standards chef!

5
LESLEY wanders off.

Shot - ANA chopping of artichoke and chilli, fillet of beef being

rubbed with oil and seasoned. Beef being placed in a pan to brown
on all sides. Once brown it’s removed. The artichokes and chilli
are added to the pan. The beef is then carefully sliced.

LESLEY enters from the cellar, a brandy bottle in hand. He walks

across to ANA, his shadow falling across her, before casually
leaning forward picking up the food ANA is working on and throwing
it into a pedal bin. The telephone can be heard ringing in the
background.

LESLEY
Why did I do that?

LESLEY gestures at ANA with the brandy bottle. A bit pours on the
floor
ANA
Sorry chef.

LESLEY
Do you cut with, or against the grain?

ANA
Împotriva (Mumbles in Romanian)

LESLEY
English!

ANA
Against (softly)

LESLEY puts his face right up next to ANA’s – she visibly

flinches.

LESLEY
If you are trying to deliberately destroy tonight for this
restaurant, I will make sure you never work again. Do you
understand me? Now in English, WITH OR AGAINST?

ANA

6
 Against, chef!

LESLEY grabs another piece of beef and puts it in front of ANA.

LESLEY
(Delicately, but with menace)
Try again. And don’t worry. You'll be back to cleaning dishes
as soon as Pete turns up...

ANA rubs her cross, before starting to cook again.

LESLEY dials a number on his mobile.

LESLEY
Pete... Where are you? I swear this is your
job if you don’t get back to me soon.

As ANA cooks, the phone begins to ring. ANA rushes over to it,
picking it up after the first ring.

Shot: mid to close up on ANA

ANA
Hello?

POLICE (VO)
This is DCI Michael Farrow from the Met Police CID​.
I’m at the hospital. One of your employees has
been admitted under suspicious circumstances...

ANA starts trying to clear her throat. She grabs the collar of her
shirt, trying to unbutton the top button.

ANA
Okay...

POLICE
I have a few questions. We’ll be with you very soon.

ANA hangs up the phone. She looks horrified, but quickly regains
her composure and heads back to her work.

MARCUS rushes back into the kitchen.

7
 MARCUS
Table three just arrived.

Things go quiet and everyone stares at MARCUS. LESLEY grabs the

order from MARCUS.

LESLEY
Right... We need this.
Let's have some bloody standards.
Ana, I guess you are up.
Salmon. My way.

LESLEY puts the order on the rails.

LESLEY walks over to the noticeboard where there’s a small mirror.

He takes out a small comb from his top pocket and starts to comb
his hair.

LESLEY
I’m back...

Shot – focus shifts from LESLEY to ANA looking on in the next

room.

ANA
I want to meet her

LESLEY
Don’t mess this up for me.

LESLEY leaves the kitchen.

The telephone begins to ring again.

CU: ANA’s eyes open. She picks up a large knife, goes over to the
phone and cuts the cord.

The sound of the kitchen increases as ANA prepares the critic’s

food. Doors swinging, fat is frying and plates are crashing. The
bell is being repeatedly hit in the background.

ANA begins to breathe quickly.

Lesley reaches for the brandy used in the food, taking a swig. As
he puts the bottle down he knocks a plate of ingredients and a
container of chilli powder to the floor.

8
 LESLEY
I told you not to leave stuff lying around.
Clean it up.

LESLEY goes over to the noticeboard. Pinned to it is a strip of

paper with ANA’s name at the top. Beneath her name is a long list
of debts. He adds £10 to the list.

ANA gets down on her knees to pick up the fragments of the plate.

MARCUS is hovering in the background and looks on in shock but

quickly regains composure. He exits the door.

Lesley moves away from the noticeboard to pick up his ringing

mobile​. He looks shocked and confused.

LESLEY
Are you sure?

LESLEY looks at ANA and moves out of earshot.

ANA looks up at LESLEY and then looks down.

ANA
Shit… Shit, Shit

ANA cuts herself on the plate.

She cries out in pain. This turns into more of a war cry.

ANA grabs for the meat cleaver while pulling herself up.

ANA starts to cook again. She shows confidence for the first time.
Previously unsure, she works with incredible fluidity and
dexterity. The sound around her starts to form a sort of rhythm.
She begins to breathe along to this rhythm. Montage - salmon being
oiled and seasoned, chillies being chopped, parsley being
sprinkled, items being taken in and out of the oven.

ANA
Going on the critic.

The sounds in the kitchen stop with the plate being slammed down
on the counter and the sound of the bell.

9
 LESLEY
(shouts to MARCUS)
Service!

MARCUS takes the order out.

MONTAGE – kitchen sink piling with dirty plates, sound of joy and
guests laughing, clink of glasses and satisfied groans. Everyone
is busy, but clearly anxious as they await the critic’s reaction.
A kitchen timer is going in the background.

MARCUS returns to the kitchen. Everyone falls silent.

MARCUS
(Excitedly though with slight disbelief)
She wants to meet the chef.

CU: ANA breathes deeply and cleans her hands with a kitchen towel.
She puts down the towel and heads toward the door.

A hand grabs her by the shoulder.

LESLEY
Marcus can you grab me a bottle of the ‘83...

Marcus nods and leaves the kitchen.

LESLEY turns around to look at Ana. He towers over her.

LESLEY leans forward and pulls some keys out from Ana’s apron
pocket.

LESLEY
We were looking for those.
I didn’t think you had the backbone for such
dirty work, I’m nearly impressed.

Lesley walks away, throwing the keys up and down in the air.

LESLEY
Pete isn’t...wasn’t. The police will be here any minute.

CUT TO: kitchen timer going off.

10
Extreme close up - ANA keeps nervously looking around. Kitchen
sounds increase in tempo.

ANA sees the chilli powder LESLEY forced her to drop earlier. She
grabs the powder.

ANA
Standards, chef!

LESLEY turns around.

LESLEY
What did...

ANA throws the chilli powder into LESLEY’s face.

LESLEY screams out, trying to clean it away.

While doing this LESLEY loses his balance, and slips on the brandy
on the floor.

LESLEY falls and hits his head hard against the floor.

MARCUS comes in with the bottle. He looks on at the scene in

stunned silence.

MARCUS
(Confused)
What did you do?

ANA is silent. She looks down at Lesley and then up at Marcus.

A manic smile grows on ANA’s face. Shot: mid to close up on ANA -
hold on the smile

ANA
I mustn’t keep her waiting…

ANA walks over the body of Lesley and heads to the exit.
There is a faint sound of police sirens in the background.

THE END

11