A Professional Script for Page to Stage Run by Ms.

Jessica

The
Classroom
Conundrum
Written by Mohammad Abdul Aziz and
Pio Abi Raad

life
Written by Pio Abi Raad and Mohammad Abdul Aziz

Special Thanks to Ms. Jessica

Directed by Mohammad Abdul Aziz

 List of Characters

Ms. Daniels ........................................................................................................ Ms. Jessica

Anthony ........................................................................................................ Pio Abi Raad

Raymond ........................................................................................................ Ahmed Darwish

Kevin ........................................................................................................ Noah Hoferer

Jimmy ........................................................................................................ Darius Jr. Lotino

Brody ........................................................................................................ Joseph Abi Raad

Caden ........................................................................................................ Vivian Rincob Dib

Janet ........................................................................................................ Logayn Haggag

Jessica ........................................................................................................ Vivian Rincob Dib

Mr. Eller ........................................................................................................ Mariam Haggag

Mavis ........................................................................................................ Angela

CLASSROOM DESK LAYOUT:
Smartboard

Ms. Daniel

Brody Caden Walkway Raymond Kevin

Janet Jessica Walkway Anthony Jimmy

Mavis Naughty Corner

(Stage is dark.) Today is a typical day in a classroom full of intellectual and expressive

diversity; some hipsters (light falls on Jimmy), some practical (light falls on Anthony), some

nerds (light falls on Raymond), some lonely men (light falls on Kevin), some muscle flexors

(light falls on Caden), some stupid illiterate men (light falls on Brody), some besties (light

falls on Janet and Jessica), and some alone-sitters (light falls on Mavis).

Ms. Daniels: Dear class, today shall be indeed an extraordinary day. All of you are to

envision yourself in 5 years, and that too, shall be expressed in one monologue. So, start

worrying. This will be both graded AND judged.

Jimmy: That’s tubular fam.

Ms. Daniels: But first...let me take role. Jimmy!

Jimmy: Here.

Ms. Daniels: Caden!

Caden: Here. (shows off bangs)

Ms. Daniels: Raymond!

Raymond: Here. (neatens off clothes)

Ms. Daniels: Kevin!

Kevin: Huh? Oh, hi. (sleepy)

Ms. Daniels: Jessica!

Jessica: Here.

Ms. Daniels: Brrrrr...I really don’t know why but I’m just tired. Y’know what? Who’s

absent?

Brody: I’m absent. (Smiles Like an Illiterate Fool)

Ms. Daniels: Why are you smiling so creepily? Y’know what? Just get to work. Write a

monologue about your future.

Anthony (Poetic Student): Okay. (Uses Pencil to show thinking). What could this be

about? (Lights up as if exemplifying understanding) Oh I know. (Starts taking notes).

Janet (Diva and Popular Girl): (Talking to Jessica with tone such as the one from Mean

Girls) Oh my god Jessica, did you see my new bangs? They’re like the best thing that’s ever

happened to me sister. Like you should totally try some-

Ms. Daniels: Quiet you two. Get yourself back to work and keep it in remembrance; this is

NOT a test. So yes, although this will account for 99.5% of all your grades in your entire

academic career and chances of marriage, I'm just asking you to envision yourself in a few

years.

Brody: (Talking to sidekick Caden) You know exactly where I’m gonna be. The Big Leagues.

And TOUCH DOWN. (Caden and Brody do a handshake) Oh Yeah.

Ms. Daniels: Instead of saying it just write it. And remember; make sure you are worrying.

Stress is important.

Raymond (Nerd/A Student): Ms. Daniels: What is the maximum number of pages we can

write?

Ms. Daniels: It’s supposed to be 1. But for your pleasure, and you only, the limit is now 3

sentences. Good luck.

Raymond: 3 SENTENCES? GOODNESS ME! (stunned then resumes writing)

Kevin (Bullied and Lonely Kid): (Mumbles) Barty Boy Barty Boy
Ms. Daniels: Did you say something Kevin?

Kevin: (Being Shy) No (Stops Mumbling and Lowers in to seat)

Brody: (Flexes and Kisses Own Muscles) Hello Ladies

Jessica and Janet: (In Disgust) Ugh (Turn Away and Continue Quietly Gossiping) (Giggles

from Time to Time)

Mavis (Shy): Uh... Um... Ms. Daniels?

Ms. Daniels: Yes?

Mavis: (Stuttering Shyly) H..How Much L..Longer Do We H..Have to Work on this?

Ms. Daniels: 1 Minute everybody

Raymond: (Whispering) That’s way-y-y-y-y-y-y too soon (Stressing) (Begins to Write and

Erase Frantically)

Anthony: (Puts Pencil Down Loudly) Done!

Raymond: (Across the Room) How Are You Done?!!

Anthony: I do less talking, and more writing.

Raymond: Isn’t that what I was doing?

Anthony: Totally fam.

Ms. Daniels: Five

Ms. Daniels: Four

Ms. Daniels: Three

Ms. Daniels: Two

Raymond: Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh no

Ms. Daniels: And One. Put your pencils down.

(Everyone but Raymond drops their pencils)

Ms. Daniels: (Staring at Raymond) That includes you too Raymond.

Raymond: (Finishes sentences frantically and drops pencil) Ugh. Fine. But you will see...one

day I will be in Harvard...and then... the secretary general to the United Nations or

the professor of law at Stanford...don’t you worry.

Ms. Daniels: Raymond...it’s not your turn. Plus, you’re envisioning yourself too far. I said

only 5 years

Raymond: I wasn’t reading my monologue; you piece of soup.

Ms. Daniels: Soup? What a lovely metaphor!

Raymond: Ugh...

Ms. Daniels: Who Would like To Go First? (Glaring around the classroom)

STAGE DIRECTION AND BACKGROUND FOR AUDIENCE: The jocks shake their heads.

The sassy girls shake their fingers. Kevin and Mavis slides under the desk. In the ends, Ms.

Daniels looks at Raymond.

Raymond: In any other situation I would say yes. But this time I don’t want to go first.

Ms. Daniels: Anthony you’re up

Anthony: What you say to me? Walla chub.

Ms. Daniels: Anthony...speak English in English class and just come. Plus, you don’t even

know how to speak Arabic. Do you not know how disrespectful it is to imitate a language

Anthony: Ffffinnnneeeee.

Anthony: Tone Becomes Thoughtful and In Depth as if reciting Poetry. (thoughtful music

starts playing)

In five years, I'll be off to work in New York leaving behind my family, friends,

my favorite places where I had numerous adventures, yet I still have no idea what I want to

do. I'm still lost. All these times, I've been living life in the moment, but now I can't. I

must start thinking for my future. I must discover what my purpose is. I must figure out who I

want to be. Who I want the world to see me as. I know that I must start looking out for my

future self. And honestly I’m scared. I’m afraid of not being able to become this matured

person. This intellectual person who solves all the problems that come their way. I have no

idea of what my future holds so I'm just going to try. Try my best to do what I can. Hopefully

that is enough. (Class Applauses)

Jimmy: Yo that’s deep and all and I’m totally vibing with it. It’s one of those thoughts that

just make you sit back... (Dramatic Pause) and go WOAH.

Ms. Daniels: It certainly does. Who is next?

Kevin: (yelling to the class...class falls silent) SHUT UP! Barty Boy! Barty Boy! The spirit

of Barty shall never be disobeyed. I can’t take it! What does “next” even mean? Stop using

useless Bulgarian vocabulary.

Ms. Daniels: Kevy...“next” is an English word that refers to the object after something. Kevy,

who’s Barty Boy again?

Kevin: Shut it...you always insult him

(class starts giggling)

Ms. Daniels: Who?

Kevin: Indeed, him.

Ms. Daniels: Ah...you’re talking about a character in your monologue.

Kevin: WHAT? NO. Barty Boy is more than just a monologue. (Raymond steals Kevin’s

paper from him)

Raymond: Ah, let me read it for you, Kevin. Uhm (clears throat);

"Through an indeed small nervous breakdown was my mind flashed into thousands of flashes

drizzling my body with the largely intense cheers bringing me up, high above popularity. I

could hear the YouTube channel of mine cheered upon second-by-second. "Barty-Boy! Barty-

Boy! Barty-Boy!" Five years ago, I was the most hated child sitting in the corner of the

classroom licking my tongue into the boogers I spent hours squeezing with the piny, and
today, my 32.9 billion subscribers include 6 of my own bullies each with 5 accounts, or at

least, in my dreams.

(class starts giggling and spreading rumours)

Ugh...this is ME! The old yet 9-year-old licking his nose as Ms. Daniel talks. And yes, all the

nosy stuff I exclaimed earlier is me right now. SCHOOL! SCHOOL! MATH! ALGEBRA!

DRAMA! CALCULUS! BIOLOGY! CHEMISTRY! PHYSICAL EDUCATION!

EVERYTHING! Everything...it's all too complicatedly related. I don't know, but it's just as

complicated as the boogers of my own nose. 

Either way, I am who I am. The weird child who nobody has tolerance on."

Class: (speaks together) HA HA HA HA Kevin wanna be Barty Boy. Owwwwww! (teases

him and starts throwing paper after tearing from their own notebook)

Jimmy: Yo that’s just lit, maybe stop picking your snot that come outta your nose.

Ms. Daniels: Jimmy, watch your language. (class starts laughing) How ‘bout this? Why don’t

you read your monologue? I am indeed excited to see how your words come outta your

mouth this time.

Jimmy: (gets angry and “red”) ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM THE SON OF

RICHARD GATESON. NEVER HEARD OF HIS NAME, EH? WELL, HE’S THE

OWNER OF THIS SCHOOL. HOW CAN YOU EVER PICK ME? YOU ARE
ABSOLUTELY DUMB. STOOPID. GO BOO YOURSELF. GET A LIFE FOR

GOODNESS SAKE. I AM SIMPLY OFFENDED. AND YOU KNOW...IMA GO

COMPLAIN TO MY RICH-TIME DAD LIKE AS SOON AS I GET HOME WITH

MY LUXURIOUS LIMOUSINE. SO YAH...DO YOU EVEN HAVE A HUSBAND?

GOSH.

Ms. Daniels: To answer your question, no, I am single. Secondly, Ah, how wonderful. If I

could grade this it would be an E.

Jimmy: Wha-what? I was just yelling at you.

Ms. Daniels: Your monologue has a strong sense of emotion, and your presentational skills

were excellent. You had string hand gestures and had attracted us into your monologue. I

loved how you acted out your muscles. Beautiful!

Jimmy: Yo lit fam. My papa gonna buy me my PS9 after finding out this. Plus, I had to waste

so much time inviting Jessica to a date but now that I got my PS9 I take back

that invitation. Good luck Jess on gettin’ a new boyfriend.

Jessica: WHAT! This was all a joke. I rejected like 5 people for you.

Jimmy: You’re a joke.

Jessica: Go say that to your Bill Gates dad. MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS.
Jimmy: Yah yah...don’t gotta repeat everything Mr. Eller says all the time.

(Mr. Eller walks in)

Mr. Eller: Sup kids...just back to collect your 75-page DBQs.

Jimmy: NOOOOOOOO! Mr. Eller, why do you have to come NOW?

Ms. Daniels: Can you please come back at a later time, Mr. Eller?

Mr. Eller: Ffffffine (Walks out door) But I WILL COME BACK. And next time...you will be

DOOMED. D’you UNDERSTAND my children? And you, my friend Raymond will not

make an E this time. Mwahahahahahahah Mwahahahahahahaha (points at Raymond)

Raymond: I dare you, Monsieur Eller. Oh gosh, my French skills are getting better.

Mr. Eller: Speak Russian if you’re gonna speak with me. (then lowers his voice) I was in the

Navy; totally good at spying.

Raymond: Ah, maybe I shall report you to the Russians.

Mr. Eller: Seems like we have a threat to America.

Raymond: (angered) You are a threat to America. You are illegally leaking military

information, including that you are a spy.

Mr. Eller: Have you been spying on me? How’d you know if I am a spy?

Raymond: Because you said so

Mr. Eller: Evidence please!

Raymond: I have witnesses.

Mr. Eller: I doubt any of them heard it. There’s the reason I lowered my voice.

Raymond: Well, I know it...and the only way I can know it is via you.

Mr. Eller: Or...

Raymond: Or? What story are you going to create?

Ms. Daniels: Uhh...Mr. Eller, I think you can have this debate in your class during CNN 10.

Mr. Eller: Ms. Daniels, your reaction explains a lot, but I need to finish the “or”.

Raymond: So, how’s your OR?

Mr. Eller: Oh yah...so as I was saying...either I leaked the info – or – you have sent illegal

spies at the US military to spy on us and support the Russians

Raymond: WHAT? I am way-y-y-y too young! How can I do the stuff?

Mr. Eller: Then maybe Ms. Daniels was involved all along – does her reaction not explain it?

Ms. Daniels: (angered) ENOUGH Mr. Eller. You are unnecessarily threatening an innocent

child.

Mr. Eller: Oh yah...then let’s see how Raymond wins this debate. I can’t stand giving him Es

anymore, but if you win this debate, I will have to. So, now, accept the challenge.

Raymond: Mr. Eller. (takes a deep breath and peaceful romantic music starts

playing) According to your presentation on the constitutional and legislative law of the

United States of America, you, yourself, have mentioned that one is not guilty until proven

guilty, and therefore, I am innocent. Yes, although you claim that I have no evidence to prove

that you have leaked governmental secrets, do you have any evidence to prove me guilty?

The answer...is simple. No. Thereby, I do not understand your logic. Henceforth, please do

not bring false allegation to me, by any means.

Mr. Eller: (takes a deep breath) Well, ummm...eh...maybe what I was teaching is incorrect...it

was to...uh trick you. HA-HA (tries to hide anger but fails)

Raymond: So, you wanted to trick the entire class?

Mr. Eller: Whatever! I give up and you win. But I refuse to give an E, so P+.
Raymond: Then maybe I should report you to the administration. This time there’s no

controversy.

Mr. Eller: Fine...E

Ms. Daniels: Zank you fo’ za hunzzed time, Mr. Eller.

(Mr. Eller walks out angry.)

Ms. Daniels: Oh gosh. Okay, who's next with the monologue?

Caden: I guess I’ll go. (Walks Up to Front of Class)

Brody: LETSS GOOO CADEN (Starts barking like a dog)

Caden: In five years, I want to be a …. FASHIONISTA! (Brody Stunned) I want to have all

the new looks and outfits. And I’ll have all of the top models if you know what I’m saying-

Janet: Ugghh - You disgust me.

Ms. Daniels: This is Caden’s time to talk; not yours Janet. Plus, your opinion is not valued,

Janet.

Janet: Uh-h. WHAT?

(Janet starts crying and Ms. Daniels teasingly giggles.)

Caden: I’ll also make my own designs and even start my own fashion line.

Brody: (Clears throat whilst staring at Caden to intimidate him)

Caden: (voice begins high pitched as if scared) I mean I’m (voice begins to be low pitched

imitating Brody’s voice) gonna become a linebacker for the Hawks my favorite football

team. (Brody begins to bark again)

Ms. Daniels: (Confused) Okay? (Caden Sits Down) Who’s next?

Jessica and Janet: We Are!

Ms. Daniels (Confused yet Intrigued) Go on up.

Jessica: (Diva tone) When we grow up were gonna become the most famous popstars that

have ever existed.

Janet: (Diva tone) Yeah.

Jessica: (Diva tone) And were gonna have number 1 hits across the globe.

Janet: (Diva tone) Totally.

Jessica: (Diva tone) And Janet’s gonna be my manager.

Janet: (Tone shifts after realizing what Jessica said) Yeah.

Jessica: and now were done! (Jessica and Janet sit back down)

Ms. Daniels: How can you possibly be done? That was insufficient and not enough.

Jessica: You said it was 3 sentences so that’s what we did. (Janet and Jessica begin to gossip

quietly and giggle).

Ms. Daniels: (Annoyed) Noooo...that was for Raymond only.

Jessica: You said it. We did it. No question remains.

Ms. Daniels: Who’s next (Glares at Mavis) (Mavis shakes head)

Raymond: I’m ready to go now. (Stands up proudly) (Says all punctuation)

In five years I want to be a lawyer (Specifically a lawyer focusing on cases about humans. I

would have the most cases won in comparison to all the other lawyers.) I will also receive an

award from the honorary Presidents, both Barack Obama and Donald Trump, and be the

most well-known lawyer of all time. I will strive for success (Putting away the most wicked

criminals and earning the most amount of money). However, I will be very humble.

Ms. Daniels: That’s not 3 sentences Raymond.

Raymond: Technically it is. Uhm...welcome to the world of commas and parentheses.

Ms. Daniels: (Looks at watch) Unfortunately, not all of us will get to present today because

of time. But I want to ask why you guys think I’m making you write this.

Anthony: Maybe it’s because you’re sad and upset about your future.

Ms. Daniels: Stop being a negative Nancy. And no, it's not that.

Jessica: (Diva Tone) Because why not.

Ms. Daniels: No; it’s because life is full of uncertainty and it’s important to think about the

possible outcomes of yourself in a few years.

Raymond: (Enraged) SO YOU WASTED THE ENTIRE PERIOD ON THIS ONE DUMB

PROMPT?

Jimmy: No; she filled this time with chill vibes and made the class tubular.

Raymond: Okay Jimmy. Enough with your tubular chill vibes. This class isn’t shaped like a

midget tube like your body, which barely exists, is.

Jimmy: Are you calling me short?

Raymond: You said it yourself.

Ms. Daniels: Ugh...well...time to reveal the Most Valuable Persuader (MVP) today.

Anthony: YES Please

Ms. Daniels: and the highest score goes to…. KEVIN.

Jimmy: KEVIN? What?

(Bell Rings)

(Brody, Caden, and Anthony chase Kevin out of classroom.)

(Jessica and Janet pick up purses and walk out of class)

(and Mavis hands paper to Ms. Daniels)

Mavis: This is mine. Bye Ms. Daniels (Leaves Room)

(Ms. Daniels reads Mavis’ paper)

Ms. Daniels:

I want to be just like Ms. Daniels. But I still don’t know. The truth is my future is never going

to be certain and I’m okay with that.

(Stops Reading) You’re right Mavis; the future is indeed uncertain. (Picks up bag and walks

out of classroom.)

End of Part I

(20 years later)

The students have graduated from high school and have entered new big lines, some being

chief executives while others being young and simple men and women of the century. And one

day, the students decided to unite in a high school reunion in the house of a famous YouTuber

after Kevin had murdered its owner a decade ago. Today, everybody is seated in a HUGE

living room, each on a luxurious leather couch chilling, sharing their experience. Raymond

begins.

(lights on Raymond)

Raymond (comes out with a moustache): Remember the time we were asked to envision

ourselves in 5 years. (takes deep breath and begins to sob) My monologue was so inaccurate.

I thought I would be a lawyer and be appointed by Obama. I myself cannot believe what I’ve

become. (starts sobbing a bit more)

Anthony: I really feel bad for you. I can feel your pain.

Kevin: We all do.

Raymond: I know. (suddenly mood shifts to laughter) CAN YOU BELIEVE IT THAT NOW

I AM THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF APPLE? (starts smiling)

Anthony: Wha-WHAT? I thought you were gonna be working at Walmart.

Raymond: Well, you clearly underestimated me. Anthony, why don’t you share your

experience?

(lights on Anthony)

Anthony: Well, you see, my life is simple. I went to college, but then I found a treasure chest

with a map in it. So, I left college and started sailing to find the treasure. Except that was

when I realized that the map was upside down. So then I turned it and kept sailing till I ended

up in Greenland, so I wripped the thing and WhatsApped the police, who came and rescued

me.

(lights on Kevin)

Kevin: Can I share my experience? Okay, so...I know you guys aren’t ready for this. But I

have to say it.

Anthony: Say what?

Kevin: My current job.

Anthony: You have one? My gosh. Oh, must be a garbage cleaner.

Kevin: WHAT? Walla chub.

Anthony: Janitor.

Kevin: Like Chub.

Anthony: Unemployed.

Kevin: SHUT UP. I am now...the...(builds suspense with and African accent) President of

Uganda.

Anthony: WHAT? I never knew you were from Uganda.

Kevin: I am from 195 countries. So next time chub.

(Jessica cuts in. Lights on Jessica)

Jessica: Oh-oh! Can I share mine?

Kevin: Fffffffinnneeeee

Jessica: So basically I went to Harvard...and then...I became a fashionista.

Kevin: And?
Jessica: AND? AND? WHAT? This is like the most precious thing ever!

Kevin: Well, it was all planned. BOOO...Jimmy...why you quiet? What ‘bout you?

(lights on both Kevin and Jimmy)

Jimmy: (starts crying) I am facing...level 4...depression

Kevin: What that? Plus, how and why?

Jimmy: Because of YOU

Kevin: ME?

Jimmy: Yes you!

Kevin: How so, piece of donkey?

Jimmy: You fired me.

Kevin: What? You were never working for me. I am the president of Uganda.

Jimmy: And I was your original residence janitor. You said I cook bad, so you fired me.
Kevin: Wait! You’re him...the dude who served a bunch of smashed bananas and

cockroaches over it.

Jimmy: Ah, the fresh matoke. The previous president loved it.

Kevin: Well, I’m the new president. And YOU’RE FIRED FOREVER.

Jimmy runs out and starts crying.

Raymond: DID YOU JUST HURT A FRIEND?

Kevin: No?

Jessica: DID YOU JUST MAKE HIM CRY?

Kevin: No?

Brody: DID YOU JUST MAKE HIM LEAVE?

Kevin: No?

Mavis: DID YOU JUST PSYCHOLOGICALLY AFFECT HIM?

Kevin: No? (trembling)

Janet: Oh really.

Everybody tears out paper from their notebook they were carrying. Then, they attack.

Brody: ATTACK!

Everybody throws the paper rocks to Kevin, and Kevin once more becomes the bullied and

lonely kid. And then, the young and mature kids make their mature decision. They shall never

reunite ever again.

Black Out. End of Play.