The 7 Rules Of Handling Difficult Students

If you’re like most teachers, two or three students take up most of your time.

On the days when they’re absent, or pulled from your class, everything goes smoothly.

Teaching is more fun. You’re more relaxed. And you can cruise through your lessons without
interruption.

Hooray!

But when they’re sitting in class, which seems like all the time, they can make you want to pull your
hair out.
Unfortunately, the frustrations you feel dealing with difficult students can cause you to make mistakes.

The following is a list of 7 rules–all don’ts–that will help you avoid the most common pitfalls, and turn
your most difficult students into valued members of your classroom.

Rule #1: Don’t question.

It’s normal for teachers to force explanations from difficult students as a form of accountability.
But asking why and demanding a response from them almost always ends in resentment. And angry
students who dislike their teacher never improve their classroom behavior.

Rule #2: Don’t argue.

When you argue with difficult students, it puts them on equal footing with you, creating a “your word
against theirs” situation. This negates the effects of accountability. It also opens the floodgates:
everybody will be arguing with you.

Rule #3: Don’t lecture, scold, or yell.

Lecturing, scolding, and yelling will cause all students to dislike you, but when you direct your diatribe
toward one particular student, it can be especially damaging. Creating friction between you and your
most challenging students virtually guarantees that their behavior will worsen.

Rule #4: Don’t give false praise.

Teachers often shower difficult students with praise for doing what is minimally expected. But because
these students can look around at their fellow classmates and know that it’s a sham, false praise doesn’t
work. Instead, give only meaningful, heartfelt praise based on true accomplishment.

Rule #5: Don’t hold a grudge.

“Every day is a new day” should be your mantra with difficult students. They need to know that they
have a clean slate to start each day–and so do you. To that end, say hello, smile, and let them know
you’re happy to see them first thing every morning.

Rule #6: Don’t lose your cool.

When you let students get under your skin and you lose emotional control, even if it’s just a sigh and an
eye roll, you become less effective. Your likeability drops. Classroom tension rises. And when difficult
students discover they can push your buttons, they’ll try as often as they can.
Rule #7: Don’t ignore misbehavior.
Given that there is an audience of other students, ignoring misbehavior will not make it go away. It will
only make it worse. Instead, follow your classroom management plan as it’s written. If a difficult student
breaks a rule, no matter how trivial, enforce it immediately.

It’s About Relationships

What if the two or three (or more) difficult students in your classroom admired you? What if they looked
up to you, respected you, trusted you, and liked being in your company?

What if they embraced whatever you had to say to them?

Your success in helping them change their behavior would go through the roof, and you’d have peace
in your classroom. The fact is, everything hinges on your ability to build relationships with your
students.

Your classroom management plan merely nudges them in the right direction. Done correctly, it gets
students to look inward, to self-evaluate, and to feel the weight of their transgressions. But by itself, it
can only do so much.

It’s your relationship with your students that makes the greatest difference.

When you build trusting rapport with them, which anyone can do, you then possess a tidal wave of
influence that can change their behavior, improve their academic performance, and profoundly impact
their lives.

Children with special needs can often be held back by factors which are not related to the disability with
which they are born.

From an early stage in their development they can be treated differently to their siblings and their peers.

While they deserve the respect of being treated the same as all children, it is often the case that rules
are more likely to be relaxed.

Expectations of appropriate behaviour can be lowered. In a word, children with special needs may be
spoiled. Unfortunately, this can contribute to what is called “challenging behaviour”.

Most often, problems occur when a child’s unreasonable expectations cannot be met. Tantrums, refusal
to cooperate, meltdowns or aggression are among the inevitable outcomes.

The truth is that carers actually have to be more strict, rather than the opposite, when it comes to
applying social norms for children with special needs.

Here are some fundamental rules I follow in my work supporting children who challenge. They are as
relevant for the classroom as they are for the home setting.
1. Resist the temptation to spoil a child with special needs. The last thing they need to think is that they
are special. If they are afforded a status of privilege among peers or siblings, they will lose the resilience
necessary to develop independence in their adult years.

The same rules should apply to a child with special needs as to others. So avoid hugs with strangers or
those with whom the child only has a passing acquaintance.

While it may feel good for the recipient, it is not good for the child with special needs. Teachers and
SNAs take note. If you don’t hug the other pupils, which I presume you don’t, no hugs for the child with
special needs. This is a fundamental principle.

2. A limited capacity to communicate can lead to frustration. Many children are visual learners.
Enhance communication by using visual prompts. They say a picture paints a thousand words.

This applies particularly when it comes to enhancing communication with a child with special needs.
Gestures, pictures, objects of reference, and mobile phones (yes, they are useful for some young people)
are just some of the communication aids that are so vital.

3. Have a basic set of rules set up with pictures as well as words. No more than five items for children
with special needs. These rules should instruct the children what to do, such as, “be kind to others”.
Avoid rules telling them what not to do, such as “no spitting”.

All the child understands is what is presented, whether positively or negatively. Avoid spitting by not
mentioning it at all! Make the rule all about what behaviour you are looking for.

4. Praise good behaviour and be specific about what was so good. It is not necessary to provide regular
treats. Genuine praise is the most powerful reward available to carers.

None of us gets tired of hearing our name in the context of a job well done. And it increases the
likelihood that the positive behaviour will be repeated. This is universal.

5. Ignore bad behaviour. I have seen parents and teachers go out of their way to elicit an apology from
a child with special needs following an incident of challenging behaviour.

Let me be very clear. “Sorry” is the most redundant word in learning disability. Far too much time is
wasted in pursuing it and it simply provides the child with a vehicle to receive more attention.

Ignoring sends a far stronger message that you do not approve. Too often carers feel that they cannot
allow an incident to go by without this ritual of seeking an apology. It is a waste of time.

6. Same rules for bad behaviour. If the consequence for bad behaviour in the classroom is that a child
must stay in the classroom during yard time, this must also apply to the child with special needs.

Indeed, there should be a very low tolerance for acting out behaviour, and consequences should be
applied immediately.

7. Always keep raising the bar for children with special needs. For example, the idea of everyone
receiving a prize at sporting events denies them a necessary life experience, that is, is to learn how to
overcome failure.
Too often we deny children with special needs this very necessary learning process. In life we learn far
more through failure than through success.

8. Take small steps. It may, at times, feel as if you are taking two steps forward and one back but keep
going. Task analysis, breaking tasks down into small steps, is a useful strategy. It all contributes to
moving forward.

9. Plan ahead. One of our greatest fears is the fear of the unknown. This is particularly the case for
children with special needs. They are most secure with familiarity and routines.

Always plan ahead and let them know what to expect. A visual schedule of activities works very well in
any setting.

10. Focus on structure. Children with special needs are most likely to act out in situations where there
is an absence of structure. Transition time at school is an obvious example.

It is important for carers to put time into planning ahead. This will prevent problems or will lessen the
impact should a problem arise. The best way to manage challenging behaviour is to aim to prevent it
from happening in the first place.

11. Break the bad habits. Quite often some obvious habits go unchecked and lead to challenging
behaviour.

Poor diet, absence of a proper sleep routine, lack of clear communication, absence of a detailed plan are
just some of the errors which are all too common and which lead to problem behaviour.

Children with special needs have a place in our communities, our schools, our amenities.

In order for them to integrate fully, we all need to be aware that they are far more like their non-disabled
peers than different.

They are not born with challenging behaviour. It is not an inevitable characteristic of a person with
special needs. It is a learned behaviour which, with the right strategies in place, can be unlearned.

By being aware of these strategies, carers can ensure that all children with special needs reach their full
potential.