#WWONE_PHASE_5_SHORT_STORY

ENTRY NO. 4

Do You Remember Loving Me?

The light is starting to hide itself behind the mountain yet, nothing change—I’m still a failure. I
laid my heavy head on the couch as I feel its comfort. I paced my arms horizontally trying to
seize the beauty of the sun as it melts on the towering building behind this window. I want to
rest.

I was about to close my eyes when one of the nurse’s hysterical voice alarmed me.

“Doc! Doc! We need you right away at room 124!”

I packed my things up and ran hurriedly towards the said room. I can feel my sweat sluggishly
pouring down my face as my heart racing swiftly. I ran and ran hoping that today, I could save
one’s life.

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It was done. Everything was done. My heart wants to jump in happiness for I have laid a hand
again on an almost dying patient and I succeeded. I succeed saving her life. I should be happy
about this, but no, I can’t.

“Ate, you had me worried sick. I thought you will not open your eyes anymore.” A little boy said
while playing on her sister’s hand trying to look cute.

“It won’t happen baby. I was just sleeping back then, of course, ate will wake up.” She plastered
a smile and then messed her little brother’s hair.

“You should take a well rest ate, I will cook you your favourite soup.”

“How come? You don’t even know how to cook baby.” She placidly laughed and teased him.

“I will ask mom to teach me how to. I want you to eat it for you to recover immediately ate. I
really miss you a lot.” He cried loudly that the sounds echoed inside the four cornered room.

“My baby, c’mon. Don’t cry now, you’re making me cry as well. Don’t worry, I’ll get better
soon. So don’t cry, you’re a big boy already right? And big boys don’t cry.” She hugged him
tightly trying to look all cool—all better.

“Hey, John. Let your ate take a rest now.” Her mom interrupted and gave her daughter a kiss on
the forehead.
I can’t be all happy knowing that the girl I saved isn’t all saved yet. And I don’t know, it pains
me seeing her --She’s tough and just by looking at her eyes, I have already dove in to her pain,
not just physically but from the ache she has inside.

“Mom, stop being so dramatic. Hey, I’m strong you know. I can dive the deep nirvana and I tell
you, I’ll still survive. Thank God and also, to you Doc! You’re amazing.” She told her mom and
then looked at my way as she’s smiling brightly while raising her two thumbs up.

I slightly smiled and also gave her my thumbs up.

“Mrs. Garcia? May I talk to you for a while?”

“Oh, yes Dr. Ramirez. Cassandra, eat all that cereals okay?”

Mrs. Garcia and I went to my office and talked about how Cassandra would be diagnosed.

“She needs a kidney transplant. And I’m sorry to tell you this Mrs. Garcia, but if we couldn’t
able to find a donor as soon as possible, it would make Cassandra’s situation more severe. By
the time being, let her rest here for two weeks and after that, you can take her home. But, she
still needs to visit here once a week every month for her check-ups and findings.”
It’s been a week since she was here, and every time I see her smiling despite knowing that she’s
close to death, it made me want to look at her even more. Every time she told everyone she’ll get
better, it made me want to do my best to make her all fine.

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It feels like my world is slowly crashing down because of the ambiance at the hospital that’s why
I decided to unwind. I roamed around the mall, played at the arcade, ate at my favourite
restaurant and here I am right now, picking a best movie to watch at this season.

“That’s boring. Here, let’s watch this! Your treat!” A girl from behind lend me two tickets of a
horror movie.

“Uhh? Ms. Garcia?” I was surprised when that girl appeared to be Cassandra Garcia.

“Yes, Doc. And oh, don’t tell mom I’m here huh. I just want to unwind, my room looks so pale
and so am I.”

I was stunned. How can a sick girl act like that? But I’m loving it, I’m proud of her. She’s totally
different from a guy like me and never did I think that I’ll be meeting a tough girl like her.

“Hey, Doc. Let’s buy foods first before we head inside. Of course, still your treat.”
“It isn’t fair Lady.”

“Well, I’m a lady after all, and ladies don’t pay something when they were with men. Right doc?
And, I don’t have money with me.”

“Seriously? How come did you get all the way here?”

“Well, our house is just blocks away from here so I walked and brought no money with me.”

I can feel the buckets of sweats on my forehead and my heart being frozen because of what we
are watching right now.

“Pfft—What the? Doc, your face. Pftt.” She’s stopping herself from laughing but seconds after,
she burst out and laughed so hard.

“Hey. Hey, why are you laughing?”

“’Caus—‘cause your face look so—wait, pfft.” And then she laughed again.

“Sssshhh.”
And there, we realized that all eyes are on us, glaring and telling us to be quiet and so we did. I
blamed her for being so loud and gave her a teasing grin. But no, she isn’t the type of girl who
easily gets affected by anything. While she is watching, I can feel that she’s still laughing and
will eventually look at me. Rather than feeling annoyed, she’s making my heart smile instead.
This girl beside me, she’s a big contrary of my true personality. And by this thought, it felt like I
want to know her more, I want to explore all her positivity in life.

“Gosh!” she said out of exasperation.

“Waaah!”

My eyes widened and my world seemed to stop circling when she held my hand. I looked at it
with my eyes still widely open but she suddenly removed it to cover her eyes.

“Hey. You idiot, run! Run! Waaah.”

“Sssshh.”

“Sorry.” She shyly apologized to them.

I didn’t know how the movie ran, all I knew is that throughout the whole time, I was just looking
at her. And every time I look at her, I don’t know, with no reason—she’s making me smile. It’s
already 8 in the evening so I drove her homeward because it’s bad for her health to stay late at
night.

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“Hi, Doc.” She appeared out of nowhere.

“Why are you here Cassandra?”

“Of course, for check-up Doc.”

I forgot, this is her first day of check-up. So, I did check her and sadly to say, there’s no
improvement with regards to her health and I did tell her about that. I can see the pain in her eyes
though she tried to hide it with her bogus smile.

“How was the movie last night, Doc? Gosh, it was not so scary at all.”

“Hey, lower down your voice. A lot of patients are resting from on the other rooms.”

“Okay.”

“C’mon, let’s go outside.”

We went to the garden and talked about how good the movie was. At first, I did tell her that it
was beautiful hoping that she’ll buy it, but she caught me lying ‘cause she find the movie
annoying thus, she kept asking me how did I find it beautiful. And then I made another alibi and
told her that I couldn’t able to watch the whole movie because I was afraid—which is half true.

This scenario—me with her—then repeats and happened again and again and again every time
she went for her check-ups. And I got used to it. Then one day, she didn’t come at the hospital. I
was all worried and a lot of questions played on my mind.

“Is she alright? Did something happen? Why is she not coming? Oh, maybe, she was just stuck
on the traffic. But no, it’s already past 10 in the morning.”

When I can’t carry the loads on my head anymore, I hurriedly get my car and drove all the way
to their house. I was about to knock when the bell rang so loud and there, I remembered it’s
Sunday. I panickly ran to my car and was about to ride when someone called me.

“Dr. Ramirez? Is that you?” Mrs. Garcia asked from behind thus, I faced her trying to look all
cool.

“Yes? Oh, yes Mrs. Garcia. It’s me.” I said.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uhm—ahh—the mass. Yes, I attended the mass and—and I just thought if I could pass by here
—uhm—at your house. And to, of course, uhm—see if your daughter is—is doing well. Ye—
Yes, that!”

It felt like a thorn from my throat has been removed after I uttered those stuttered words. I then
looked at Mrs. Garcia who was somewhat confused but then, still nodded at the end. My eyes
then turned to Cassandra who was stopping her laughter again.

Mrs. Garcia invited me to take my lunch at their house and I accepted the offer. We talked a lot
about their family while we were at the middle of eating. I was stunned when the topic suddenly
turned to me.

“By the way Dr. Ramirez, how old are you anyways?” Mrs. Garcia asked.

“Oh, I’m 27 Ma’am.” I answered in my most polite way.

“Woaah. You’re still too young and being a doctor has been your first love ever since? And just
call me tita okay?”

“Okay Mrs. Ga—I mean, Tita. Yes. Maybe because, when you want to be a doctor, you just only
focus on your desire and nothing more and maybe because I don’t have time for that love
thingy?”
“Seriously Doc? That is why, I don’t want to be a doctor ‘cause I still want to fall in love.”
Cassandra said.

“You can just call me Greg Ms. Garcia. Doc is way too formal. Anyways, why do you want to
fall in love? What’s your plan?”

“I want to create a healthy and complete happy family. And you can just call me Cass, Doc.”

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“You have to succeed this time Dr. Ramirez, this would be your last chance and if you fail, I’m
so sorry to tell you but, your time is done.”

After I heard those words from Dr. Sanchez, it made me all pressured and terrified at the same
time. Cassandra is my only way to continue living as a doctor. I went to church and freed my
worries. I closed my eyes, and I didn’t even notice that a tear has trickled down my cheek.

“Wanna go somewhere else?”

I opened my eyes and smiled placidly as I saw her angelic face. She’s wearing a white and black
dress with her hair being tied up. Just by looking at her, all my worries seemed to fade away.
“What are you doing here?” I asked directly looking in front of the altar.

“What do people usually do when they are at church?” She asked while grinning. I didn’t answer
her, the answer is obvious, I just looked at her instead.

“C’mon. Let’s go.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me outside.

We are now on a garden filled with red and yellow flowers. There is also a fountain at the center
of the ground and a few hanging lights. I looked at the skies as it turned orange. We sat at the
grass and stayed quiet for a while as we watch the sun sets down and the moon to slowly rise. I
gaze at her as she seriously feels the breeze of the wind with her eyes closed.

“I feel both happy and afraid every time the sun sets down. I am happy because I still have given
the chance to see the beauty of life. I still have given a day to enjoy and make time with my
family. But I am afraid—I am afraid that it could be the last. Do you know how does that feel,
Greg?” she asked while plastering a fake smile.

“It’s hard. It’s so hard to live when you know you’re now close to dying. It kills me every time I
hushed my screams. Every night, I fight like a sailor in the storm when in fact, I’m no sailor—I
am just a bubble, unaware when I am going to burst. Greg, sometimes, I feel like wanting to give
up already. I feel like wanting to not fight anymore ‘cause who am I fooling? I am just going to
die anyways.” She continued and it pains me as I saw her tears streaming down her face.
I pulled her close to me and wiped her tears. She freed her feelings and started to cried much
louder. I held her hand and hugged her. She returned the hug and continued talking…

“But do you know why I am still here waging and living? It’s because, I’m still mindlessly
dreaming that I could still live longer. That I could still create my own happy family because
right now I know, I’m sure that I have found the man who will be the father of my children.”

I slowly released myself from her hug. She then held my hand and look directly through my
eyes.

“Greg, this may sound incorrect, but yes, I am confessing my feelings towards you. At first, I’m
controlling myself, but I just couldn’t help my feelings anymore. The first time I saw your face at
the hospital, my heart beats again not because you saved me by that time, but because your smile
makes it more alive. You make my heart wants to jumps out ‘cause you look cute with your
alibis. But—

I placed my lips on hers and it felt so right as our heart collides. This girl with me right now is
the only girl I wanna treasure. I want to be the best man I could be and give up everything I have
just to be with her. Just to let her live.

“Please, don’t give up Cass. No matter how hard, please live. Promise me you’ll live no matter
what.”

“Of course, I will fight. We’ll fight together, right? You’ll still be my doctor, right?”
I gave her a sweet smile and kissed her on the forehead.

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I and Cassandra went on a date and on that very same day, we planned to tell her parents that we
are officially on a relationship. We cooked and prepared foods for them and bought a present.
While we were on the car, we exchanged I love you’s and kisses. I was the happiest man back
then when Cassandra suddenly collapsed. I turned the car and hurriedly brought her to the
hospital. Her eyes were now turning white and she’s running out of oxygen to breathe. I checked
her up and did everything I can but the problem is, she really needs the kidney right at that
moment.

I ran fast and went up and down to check if someone has donated a kidney, but I found nothing.
My knees are trembling as I called Dr. Sanchez.

“I will be giving up this desire. Dr. Sanchez, I am entrusting you this operation so please, please
do all your best to make her live. Let her live. Please.” Flood of tears were streaming on my
cheeks as I plead him for Cassandra’s life. A minute later, everything became black.

As I opened my eyes, I saw nothing but a ceiling being painted by white and a hospital dress on
my body. I removed all the machines and bandages that were put on my skin and went to
Cassandra’s room. I slowly open the door and Mrs. Garcia was there.
“Dr. Ramirez? What happened to you? Why are you in that dress?” Mrs. Garcia asked while
pointing on my dress.

“Uhm—because—uhh—I felt like my stomach groaned in pain so I made a check-up with Dr.
Sanchez.” I answered with this lame alibi and she nodded.

“By the way Tita, how is Cassandra?”

“Oh, she’s now fine. Someone has donated a kidney for Cassandra and I am so much thankful
that the operation went well. But, she is comatose for about 2 months or less, I guess?”

“I’m relieved. That’s good to hear.”

“Anyways, why weren’t you the one who operated Cass? And, it was as if you don’t have any
news about her. How long have you been hospitalized?”

“I don’t know. The last time I knew is that, it was Monday that day.”

“It’s been a week? Does that mean—

“Dr. Ramirez? Why are you here?” Dr. Sanchez interrupted. “C’mon, we have something to talk
about. Excuse us Mrs. Garcia for a while.”

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It’s already one month and a half since I packed up my things and leave this hospital. I’m
missing the ambiance, I’m missing my life as a doctor but I really miss her even more. I miss
seeing her face, seeing her smile and I miss her kiss. I miss her so much.

I went to her room and found no one but her alone, lying peacefully on the bed. I sat near her and
caresses her face. My tears are now slowly rolling down my cheeks. I couldn’t help myself but
cry even more.

“Cass, please hear me. I am so sorry if I haven’t visited here for a while. I am so sorry if I didn’t
keep my promise that I’ll be your doc ‘til the end. But one thing I will never be sorry for, it is
giving up everything I have just to make you live.”

I turned my back and wiped the tears in my face. But I was surprised when I felt a hand on my
skirt. I slowly faced her and saw the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. She now opened
her eyes. I was about to get her hand from skirt and hold it when she uttered the most cracking
words she has spit.

“Do- Doc? Who are you?”

--------------------

On that very day she opened her eyes and said those words, I felt like I was killed for umpteenth
time. I thought, we will be having our happy ending. I thought that at the moment she’ll open her
eyes, that would be the beginning of our future.

I am here on this very garden when we first laughed and shared stories we couldn’t forget. I am
here, writing a letter for her. When I was done, I asked Dr. Sanchez to put it on the vase under
her table. And there, I gave my last goodbye.

Dear Cassandra,

Hi Cass, How are you feeling right now? I hope you’ll get better soon. I’ll look forward for the
time you’ll have your own complete happy family. Know what? I want to be there on your side. I
want to take care of you but I can’t. I want to shout to the world that you are mine but I can’t,
‘cause who will hear the echoes of our love that was never told? Even your family doesn’t know
the love we were about to confess.

Cass, I really really miss you so much that I want to hug and feel your kiss again. I miss
everything about you-- your optimism, your wisdom and everything. Do you know how much it
kills me every time I couldn’t able to see your face? It’s always you that I see when I tried to
close my eyes. And it killed me even more the moment you asked me who am I?

Please, I want you to take good care of yourself ‘cause this is now your second life. Fulfil your
dreams and be happy. I am now leaving you a goodbye, but before I end this letter, I want to ask
you something even I know it is so impossible for you to answer this.
“In your dearest memory, do you remember loving me?”

Love,

Your Donor