A Very Potter Musical Script

(Back to Hogwarts song)

Act 1 Scene 3
Dumbledore: Yes. Yes. Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts, and a very speical
welcome to my favourite student Mr Harry Potter.

Ron/Ginny/Neville: Wooh wooh!

Dumbledore: Defeated Voldermort when he was just a baby, he's even got the little lightning
scar on his forehead to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest edition to
Griffindor Mr Ginny, excuse me Miss Ginny Weasley.

Ginny: Yeah I’m a girl and um aren't we supposed to be sorted by the um sorting hat.

Dumbledore: Well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat, he actually got hitched with
another enchanted item of clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference aren't going to be
back until next year. So basically I’ve be putting anybody who looks like a good guy in Griffindor
anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherine and the other two and go just the hell they
like I don't care.

Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders. (Grins gormlessly)

Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?!...Anyway its time now for me to introduce a very
good friend, our own potions Professor Mr Severus Snape.

Ron: Awww man Snape i hope they fired that guy.

Ginny: Why what’s wrong with professor Snape.

Ron: Aw nothing, he’s just pure evil!!!

Harry: Common Ron he's really not that bad.

Snape: Harry Pottttttteeeeer, Detention!

Harry: What!!

Snape: For talking out of turn. Now before we begin I'm gonna give you all your very first pop
quiz. Now can anyone tell me what a portkey is?...oh yes Miss Granger.

Hermione: A portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones
who touched it anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.

Snape: A very goooood! Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?

Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatical device where an important plot point is mentioned

early in the story to appear later in a more significant way.

Snape: Perfect!

Ron: What was a portkey again?

Hermione: oh a portkey an object that when touched will transport you anywhere.

Snape: and remember a portkey can be any seemingly harmless object like a football or a
dolphin.

Cho: Professor can a person be a portkey?

Snape: No that’s absurd, for if that person was to touch themselves they would be continually
transported in to different places. A person can however be a horcrux.

Harry: Whats a Horcrux?

Snape: I'm not even going to tell you harry you'll find out soon enough.

Hermione: Professor what is the point of this quiz?

Snape: Oh no no no point in particular, just important information that everyone should

know...especially you (looks at audience). Now moving right along, there're four houses in all
Griffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff...

Cedric: FIND

Snape: What?! and Slytherine. Now traditionally points are given for good behavior and
deducted for rule breaking. For example 10 points from Griffindor for Miss Granger's excessive
baby fat.

Ron/Harry: Thanks Hermione.

Snape: Traditionally the house with the points at the end of the year would win the house cup,
however this year we are doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new Defense
against the dark arts teacher Professor Quirrell.

Quirrell: The House cup, a time honored tradition. For centuries...

Malfoy: GO HOME TERROIST!!

Quirrell: For centuries the four house of hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory in
holding the title of house champion. But where does this competion come from and what are
the roots of the tradition.

Hermoine: The house cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.

Quirrell: That was a rehtorical question.

Dumbledore: Granger quit interrupting, 20 points from Griffindor.

Ron: Thanks Hermoine.

Quirrell: As i was saying, when the tournament first originated it was one of a complete
different sort. One champion form each of the four houses would complete a seires of
dangerous tasks, the winner would not only win the cup but eternal glory.

Hermoine: Kindda like the triwizard tounament.

Quirrell: Yes sort of like the triwizard tournament but not like that at all. There are four houses
how can it be thr triwizard tournament with four teams.

Hermoine: Well proffessor if i remeber correctly the tournament was disbanded after one term
when one of its students was killed during the first task.

Quirrell: Yes it is very dangerous but the rewards far out weighs the risks.

Hermoine: I don't think you heard me, i just said somebody died.

Dumbledore: Hermoine Granger shut your ungodly lopsided mouth and quit interrupting 20
more points.

Ron: Thanks Hermoine.

Dumbledore: God for the cleveriest Witch of you age you really can be a dumb ass
sometimes......(Laugh)....10 points to Dumbledore.

Quirrell: Yes yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner remebered as a hero for ages to
come. And as the proffessor of the Defense against the dark arts i believe that this practical
application is exactly what the curriculm needs....

Voldermort: (Sneeze)

Dumbledore: Did your turnban just sneeze?

Quirrell: What no.

Dumbledore: I could have swore i heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth
wasn't moving.

Quirrell: No that that was simple a fart. Excuse me.

Voldermort: (Sneeze)

Harry: Ow ow ow ow

Voldermort: (Sneeze)

Quirell: I must be going.

Voldermort: (Sneeze)

Quirrell: I simply farted once more.

Dumbledore: Well with the newly resurected house cup a champion from each house will be
selected to compete. Snape will you do us the onour.

Snape: Yes Headmaster. First from the Ravenclaw house Miss Cho Chang.

Cho: OMG i won can you believe that ya'll

Snape: Next from Hufflepuffle, Mr Cedric Deigory.

Cedric: Well i don't FIND this surprising at all.

Cho: Oh good now i can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.

Cedric: I'm glad aswell my darling.

Snape: And next from slytherine house, Mr Draco Malfoy.

Draco: I finally beat you didn't I Potter, i'm the champion this time.

Dumbledore: Draco will you sit down you little Shit Champion is just a title.

Snape: And finally from the Griffindor door house, oh my well isn't this curious its the one
person in all of Hogwarts who i've a well know gruge against is suddenly in a tournament where
he may very well lose his life.

Neville: If its me i'll particpate for my fellow Griffindors sake...

Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, its Harry Potter

Ron: WOOOH!! WOOOH! WOOOOH!!

Dumbledore: So here they are folks the four Hogwarts champions, and i want all of you to start
preparing immediately becaues the first task is in 2 months, so lets get to it.

CROWD: CHO CHANG, CHO CHANG...

Draco: Malfoy Malfoy...hey!

Act 1 Scence 4
Ron: Harry you've got this tournament in the bag.

Harry: I dunno man cedric diggory he's pretty awsome NOT! he sucks i'm totally gonna win its in
the bag.

Hermoine: I dunno harry...

Ron: OMG Hermoine shut up! why do you have to rain on everybody's parade.

Hermoine: Because RON, this is dangerous...

Harry: Dangerous, oh come on Hermoine how dangerous could it be especially for me.

Hermonine: What! your not invicible Harry, somebody died in this tournament.

Harry: umm I'm the boy that lived not died, whats the worst that can happen.

Hermoine: And i don't know about that Quirrell character, you know first he resurects some
horrible ancient tournament. Then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt, and you
have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.

Harry: Come on think about it. Proffessor Quirrell is a proffessor and who hires proffesors
(Ron/Harry-DUMBLEDORE). The most smartest amsomest beautiful wizard in the whole world
why would he possible hire somebody who is trying to hurt me.

Hermoine: What about snape?

Harry: Yeah what about him?

Hermoine: He's hated you for years and he's hated you parents to everybody knows that. An d
he just so happens to pick your name out the hundreds if not five possbile Griffindors.

Harry: Yeah what a coincedence we really lucked out.

Hermoine: No i don't think it is a coincedence. When you defeated Voldermort you made alot
of enemies ones you may not even know about.

Harry: So let me get this straight your saying this tournament is just one big ploy to kill me.

Hermonie: Well i don't know maybe. Well i just think its dangerous and i don't think you should
do it.

Harry: Alrite Hermoine if it means that much to you i'll drop out.

Hermoine: Oh thank you Harry.

Ron: Wait WHAT!! What about all the eternal glory you'll win, come on.

Harry: Hey eternal glory i've already got that. Besides Neville would make a great champion.

Ron: No no no, i do not want schllong bottom to be my champion!

Hermoine: Well all you have to do is...Oh look there's Dumbledore why don't you go over to
him now and tell him that you're dropping out.

Harry: Um, listen Hermoine. Dumbledore and I reall cool and tight and i don't want to think i'm
being lazy or disrespectful so i was wondering if you could tell him, tell him i wanna work on
school or something. Altrite, hey you got this one, your the best.

Hermoine: Alrite, okay...Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Yes Granger.

Hermoine: I need to talk to you for a moment it's about the house cup tournament. Well first of
all i think its an awful idea but second of all i don't think Harry Potter should complete.

Dumbledore: Granger why do have to go and be just a big stick in the mud huh?! Pray tell me
why Harry Potter should not compete.

Hermoine: uuuuhhh because he wants to study.

Dumbledore: Granger nobody studies at Hogwarts accept for you.

Hermoine: Uhh okay well he wants to focus on the O.WL.S.

Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry tell me this himself , he thinks i'm cool we're tight.

Hermoine: Proffessor i'm a really bad liar, i think its a ruse, a setup, and i even think Snape may
be trying to kill Harry Potter.
Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest bravest gentlest sexiest men i know. Sverus
Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just as much as he is trying to kill me.

Snape enters

Snape: Oh why proffessor Dumbeldore i just happened to be in the kitchen and i made you this
delicous sandwich.

Dumbledore: Why thank you severus, you see Granger how thoughtful

Snape: Here you are proffessor, Bombapitte i mean bon appitte

Snape leaves

Hermoine: Is that sandwich ticking?

Dumbledore: It looks like its licking...finger licking good.

Hermoine: Umm proffessor i don;t think you should eat that sandwich.

Dumbledore: Why granger you should really listen to sanpe more often. You might even get a
sandwich out of it...Granger what are you doing, what the hell. Granger you god damn blew up
my sandwich.

Hermoine: I;m sorry Sir.

Dumbledore: Hey, even if i did believe that Harry Potter was in danger her has to compete. You
see that cup....(Hermoine-Yes) its enchanted, whoevers name comes out of that cup has to
compete or the results would be bad.

Hermoine: What do you mean bad?

Dumbledore: Well try to imagine your whole life stopping instantaneously and every molcule in
your body exploding at the speed of light.

Hermoine: Total Pertonic reversal

Dumbledore: Yes so you see he has to compete, and hermoine if it makes you feel any better
the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff so umm i'll keep my eyes open and
nothing is going to get past old Dumbledore.

Hermoine: Alright.

Dumbledore: Now i've got to go and make myself another sandwich but i dunno how its going
to be as good as the last one, the last one ticked!
Hermoine: Because it was a bomb. Harry i'm so sorry but i'm afraid you're gonna have to
compete in the house cup tournament but don't worry i won't rest until i find out what the
first task is gonna be.

Ron: And i'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by defalt.

Harry: Alright you guys are awsome.

Draco enters being carried by Goyle

Draco: Well isn;t this touching.

Ron: OMG just butt out Malfoy.

Draco: Goyle and i have a bet you know, he says you won't last five minutes in this tournament,
i disagree i say you won't last 5 minutes at Pigfarts!!

Harry: What? Alright Malfoy what is Pigfarts?

Draco: Oh never heard of it, huh figures. Famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts.

Harry: Malfoy don't act like you don't want to talk about it, thats like the ninth time you've
mentioned Pigfarts. What is Pigfarts?

Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the Galaxy, its where i'm being
transffered next year.

Hermoine: Malfoy i've never even heard of that.

Draco: Thats because Pigfarts is on MARS!!!!

Harry: You know Malfoy we are trying to have a conversation so if you could just leave us alone.

Draco: I'm not even here.

Harry: So anyway i think we can find out what the first task from Dumbledore...

Draco: Dumbledore!! What an old coot!! He is nothing like Rumbleroar!!!

Goyle: RUMBLEROAR!!!!

Harry: Anyway as i was saying...

Draco: Rumbleroar the Headmast at Pigfarts, he's a lion who can talk.

Harry: Malfoy if you don't mind we are trying to have conversation here...i'm mean come one
your not even eating get out of here.

Draco: Well i can't help it if i can here everything you say we the only one in here.

Harry: Come on Malfoy just get of here, please.

Draco: Where are we supposed to go?!

Harry: Umm i dunno Pigfarts!!!

Draco: hahah now your just being cute. I can't go to Pigfarts its on Mars. You need a rocket ship.
Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do, you know not all of us inherited enough money
to buy out NASA when our parents died. Look at this...Rocket ship Potter, Starkid Potter,
Moonshoes Potter. Traversing the galaxy for intergalaxtic travels to Pigfarts.

Harry: Alrite thats it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't
care if you make fun of me but when you bring my parents into this its a whole other story!

Draco: Woah! not so fast Potter, Crabe Goyle.

Goyle: BACK OF NERD!!!!

Draco: Not so tough now are you Potter! Maybe you should hang out with someone better than
that lolly gagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend.

Hermoine: Oh that is it Malfoy! JELLY LEGS JINKS!!

Goyle/Crabe: Hey no fair our legs are turned to jelly.

Hermoine: Take it back Malfoy

Draco: Take what back?

Hermoine: Take back what you said about your stupid space school.

Ron: Yeah and that stuff about Hermoine being my girlfriend, thats isn't even a little bit true.

Hermoine: And say your sorry for calling me a you know what.

Draco: I'm sorry.

Hermoine: And you promise you'll never do it again.

Draco: I promise.

Hermoine: Alright. Now the next time we ask you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on
Harry, Ron lets get put of here. Beside you already ate eall my lunch.

Harry: Wow thanks Hermoine.

Hermoine: UNJELLIFY

Ron: Wow thats like the most badass thing i've ever seen, to bad no one was here to see it
though it was like an outburst of pentup aggression ARGH!!!!

Ron, Hermoine and Harry leave

Goyle: WOW, that sucked Royal Hippogriff. We got beat by a girl who is a nerd.

Draco: I didn't mean what i said you know, Pigfarts is real. Am i bleeding...goyle?

Goyle: No

Draco: I thought maybe..maybe.... Wow i've never been pushed down like that by a girl maybe i
shouldn't call her a...whatever.

Goyle: I can't beleive i couldn't figure out the counter curse was just UNJELLYIFY.

Draco: Right, i'm not surprised. Common lets go watch wizards of waverly place.

Draco, Crabbe and Goyle leave

Act 1 Scene 5
Quirrell: Fools, they're all fools. They think back for another year if learning shenagians at
Hogwarts little do they know the danger thats lurking under their noses' or should i say on the
back of their heads'.

Voldemort: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! *cough*. I can't breathe in that damn turban.

Quirrell: I'm sorry my lord its a nessasary precaution. For if they knew that you lived, that when
Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on.

Voldemort: Yes that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest
eating bugs and mushrooms and urgh unicorns blood.

Quirrell: Until i found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.

Voldemort: Yes nobody must know any of that. Now Quirrell get me some water. Quirrell poor
it in my mouth.
 Pours water

Quirrell: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimingly my leige.

Voldemort: Yes yes yes i'm done with the water.

Puts water away

Voldemort: We must not have anymore foul ups like tonight in the Great Hall.

Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord you sneezed.

Voldemort: I KNOW THAT, Get me some nasenex you swine.

Share nasenex

Voldemort: Wash that turban it tickles me nose.

Quirrell: Yes my dark king.

Voldemort: Okay just relax with the whole dark king thing okay. I watch you wipe your butt
daily, you can call me Voldemort we're their. We've reached that point.

Quirrell: Yes my dark...Voldemort.

Voldemort: Now Quirrell get us ready for bed we must be well rested if we whish to kill Potter.
Tonight in the great hall i was so close i could have touched him. Revenge is at my finger tips
Quirrell i can taste it, it taste like cool mint.

Quirrell: Thats are listerine voldemort.

Voldemort: Yes excellent, well goodnight Quirrell.

Quirrell: Goodnight.

Voldemort: Okay okay i can't do this, you've got to roll over i can't sleep on my tummy.

Quirrell: I'm sorry i always sleep on my back, i have back troubles its the only way i'm
comfortable.

Voldemort: YOU ROLL OVER RIGHT NOW!!! or i'll EAT YOUR PILLOW. YOU'LL BE HAVING A
DREAM THAT YOU'RE EATING A GIANT MARSHMALLOW BUT REALLY YOU'LL WAKE UP AND
YOUR FAVOURITE GOOSE FEATHERED PILLOW WILL BE MISSING.

Rolls onto side

Quirrell: Fine we'll comprimise, we'll sleep on our side

Voldemort: Okay i guess i can do this.

Quirrell: Now goodnight.

Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell. Say Quirrell how long have those robes been on that chair?

Quirrell: I think they're from last night i've just put them on that chair for now.

Voldemort: Well are you planning on putting them in a hamper, what's your plan for theses?

Quirrell: I figured i just leave them there for now and then put them away in the morning okay.

Voldemort: No no, thats not okay. I can't go to sleep knowing their are dirty clothes on that
chair, the chair is gonna start smelling of dirty clothes.

Quirrell: Look i promise i'll put them away in the morning.

Voldemort: You put them away RIGHT NOW!!! I demand to get up and fold them! at least and
make it into a neat pile.

Quirrell: Look if we;re gonna be in this situation for a while we're gonna have to live with each
other. Now i've been single for all of my life and i have some habits, i leave laundry around.

Voldemort: Well i believe everything has its place. Muggles have there place, mudbloods have
there place and so do your clothes. Namely a dresser!!!

Quirrell: We'll aren't we an odd couple.

(Differnt as can be)

ACT 1 SCENE 6
(Harry sits playing cho chang song)

Hermoine: Harry don;t you think you should try and figure out what the first task is gonna be.
You could actually die if your not ready.

Harry: What!! come on. Can't you just do it for me, can't you just prepare all of my stuff for me.
I mean what are you doing right now?

Hermoine: I'm writing your potions essay.

Harry: Oh well do that first because thats due tomorrow, but after that can you prepare for the
first task. Thank you you are the best!

(Ginny enters)

Harry: Hey Ginny come here i wanna show you something, come here.

Ginny: Hey Harry Potter.

Harry: I wanna play you this song i've been working on, i've met this girl that i really really like
and i wanna let her know she is really special. So i just wanna know what you think, just for the
purpose of now cos i'm still working out the lyrics i'll put your name where her name should be,
but i don't know if its really gonna workout.

(Sings Cho Chang song)

Harry: You know what this isnt working for me at all. I dunno how does it make you feel
emotionally?

Ginny: WOW, Woweeee Harry Potter.

Harry: Don't you think it could make a girl fall in love with me?

Ginny: I think it all ready has.

Harry: Awsome cos its for Cho Chang.

Ginny: Oh yeah she is beautiful.

Haryy: What are you nuts beautiful! More like SUPERMEGAFOXYAWSOME HOT, the hottest girl
i've ever met. She is far more attractive far more appealing far more interresting than any girl
that i know in my immediate group of friends.

(Ron enters)

Ron: Move move move move...Awsome. Hey Harry whats up? I was just off stage hanging with
Hagrid and i saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeon. I dunno whats
that for.

Hermoine: Giant cages! I bet whats in those cages has something to do with the first task. Harry
we have to find out what it is.

Harry: Hey guys, chill, i'm busy.

(Harry Rocks out on guitar whilst Ron and Ginny listen, Hermoine takes the guitar from Harry)
Ron/Ginny: G-NO NO NO NO NO...R-woah woah woah woah

Hermoine: Guys listen this could be a matter of life and death.

Ron: Well it doesn't MATTER because its after hours, so we can't leave the Griffindor house.
We'd probably get in trouble if we do, and even if we do Schlong bottom here would just tell on
us.

Hermoine: Neville won't tell.

Neville: Yes i certainly will.

(Neville leaves)

Ron: So what are we going to do?

Hermoine: Its simple guys, the cloak.

Ron: Of course...(Harry/Ron) The cloak.

Ginny: Wait what cloak...

Ron: Shut up (claps in face)

Harry: It was sent to me in my first year at Hogwarts, it was left to me by my dad,My dad who is
dead, my father is dead i have a dead father. We use it to solve mysterys and stuff, its my
invisibility cloak.

(Having rummaged for cloak pulls it out)

Ginny: Woah! Oh boy wow Harry Potter. A real invisibilty cloak! Ohoh oh you know what i
would do if i had an invisibility cloak.

Harry: I would kick winner dogs.

Ron: I would pretend to be a ghost and scare people with it.

Hermoine: I would use to avoid ever having to face my reflection in a mirror.

Harry: Thats a bummer

Ron: Jesus

Ginny: Well actually i was gonna say that i would use it to fake my own death and use it to
watch people cry at the funeral.
Harry: Okay anyway. Lets get this show on the road...lets get out of here.

Ron: Woah woah woah, where do you think your're going?

Ginny: With you guys?

Ron: No no no, no kids sisters allowed (claps). Besides there is only enough room under this
invisibilty for two people...come on Hermoine come on.

(Ginny song)

Act 1 Scene 7
Quirrell: Master, Master the shipments for the first task of the tournament have arrived.

Voldemort: Yes I know Quirrell i hear everything you hear!

Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful master we've made sure Harry Potter's name was drawn from the
cup and soon he will be ours.

Voldemort: Yes its really happening isn't Quirrell. You know with the plan going so well i think
we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell we go out, i ear its kareoke night at the Hogs
Head.

Quirrell: I don't know. I've got all these papers to grade and i've been giving so much attention
to this revenge plan so i'm really behind.

Voldemort: Come on Quirrell! You've been working so hard all year, you deserve a night off.

Quirrell: But the papers...

Voldemort: Just give them all B minus and be done with it.

Quirrell: Now thats evil.

Voldemort: Well thanks i am the dark Lord. Come on just a few drinks, we'll try and pick up a
few chics.

Quirrell: I wouldn't know what to say.

Voldemort: Come on it''ll be fun, you just move your lips and i'll do the taking. Quirrell MAN!!
LISTEN!! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head who literally devouring your soul
every time you take a breathe but i can see your too good a guy to have a bit of fun once in a
while. You deserve this.
Quirrell: Well when you put it that way, lets just go wild tonight!

Voldemort: Argh (shaking tonugue) Thats the spirit Quirrell. Put on a fresh pair of wizards
shorts and grap a tunic. Quirrell we are gonna get you laid. Seriously man back when i had a
body i had mad game with the bitches. Just ask Belatrix Lestrange.

(They leave Harry, Ron, Hermoine enter under the cloak)

Ron: This cloak isn't as big as it used to be.

Hermoine: Shhhh someones coming!

(Draco, Crabbe and Goyle enter)

Draco: Did you just here something?

Goyle: Nope, only quiet. Maybe a lonely raindrop.

Draco: No matter. Tell me Goyle who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?

Goyle: uuumm Buckbeak for sure!

Draco: Crabbe?

Crabbe: Winky the house elf.

Draco: Good one, obscure! You know who i think is the ugliset girl in school, that Hermoine
Granger. You know what i would give her on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the ugliest and 10
pretty. I would give her an 8...8.5 or a 9...not over a 9.8 because there is always room for
improvement. Not everyone is perfect like me, thats why i'm holding out for a 10, because i'm
worth it! Come on lets go!

(Draco, Crabbe and Goyle leave)

Harry: Man what a bunch of jerks.

Hermoine: Forget them where did you say those crates were being delivered?

Ron: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium. So they should be to the end of this
hallway and to the left.

Harry: Look!

Hermoine: A goat?!

Harry: I have to fight a goat...i dunno if i can do that morally?

 (Snape enters followed by Dumbledore)

Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time Headmaster.

Dumbledore: Feeding time. Dragons don't want to be fed dragons want to hunt.

Harry: Did he just say dragons?

Snape: Did you just say "Did he just say dragons?"

Dumbledore: I must have because anyone else hiding in this room would've know to shut
up...Potter.

Snape: Headmaster do you really thins it wise to have children fight dragons?

Dumbledore: No Snape i don't think its wise to do anything anymore. Like here i am alive and
well today and i could very well be killed by you tommorrow.

Snape: Why thats absurd!

Dumbledore: Severus lets go to bed, have you ever seen my room i've got some pretty kicking
posters on my wall.

(Leaving holding hands, about to walk into cloak but seperate in time)

Snape: Well i am rather tired.

(Snape and Dumblefdore leave)

Harry: Man i have to fight a dragon! This is bogus! How can i fight a dragon i'm just a little kid?

Ron: Maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight mushu form mulan or
like puff the magic dragon.

Hermoine: Ron this is serious Harry could die. Now look there is still time alright we just need to
figure out a plan.

Harry: Okay, well we should probably do that back in the common room. Where's the invisibility
cloak?

Ron: I just threw it on that magical walking chair..oh crap.

Harry: Thats gonna be an issue...

(Harry, Ron and Hermoine leave)

 Act 1 Scene 8
(Quirrell and Voldemort enter)

Quirrell: I thought walking home drunk was hard before.

Voldemort: We should have realised that with both of us drinking into one belly we would get
twice as drunk. Hey Quirrell...QuirrellQuirrellQuirrellQuirrell. Remeber that girl you were talking
to...

Quirrell: Yeah...

Voldemort: Well i was talking to her sister on my side.

Quirrell: So thats why she freaked out when we stood up cos they didn't know we were one
person. You know i haven't had this much fun since nearly headless nick's death day party of
1991.

Voldemort: I haven't had this much fun...shit i can't remeber ever having this much fun.

Quirrell: You never had fun ever! doing anything. Maybe thats why your so evil.

Voldmort: Yeah maybe. Its definately to do with muggles and mudbloods make me sick to my
stomach, but urgh i guess you could be right. Its kinnda funny...

Quirrell: What is it Voldemort?

Voldmort: Is just that i never ever never ever never ever ever consider another reason for me
being so evil because normally i just kill people that try to get me to open up. opps. Its kinna
nice jsut to talk.

Quirrell: Yeah i mean i have to admit i was sort of neverous when you demanded to attcha
yourself to my soul...

Voldemort: Yeah i could sense that...

Quirrell: But now i think its kinnd cool. Its like having a really close room mate or a...

Voldemort: SLAVE or a death eater...

Quirrell: No its like having a friend.

Voldemort: I've never had a friend before.

Quirrell: Well it looks like you've got one now.

Voldemort: Who'd have thought that at the begining of this year we would ever feel like that
for each other, i guess everything is different between us now...

(Different as can be reprise)

ACT 1 Scene 9
Snape: The Hogwarts champions show now enter the Champions tent in preparation for the
first task.

(Snape leaves Harry enters followed by Hermoine)

Harry: Oh man I can't believe i have to skip lunch break for this stupid task.

Hermoine: Okay Harry todays the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now did you read those
notes i wrote for you on dragons?

Harry: No

Hermoine: What why not?

Harry: Are you kidding me, they were so boring.

Hermoine: So you did read them, you didn't prepare, your not preapred at all?

Harry: No i mean atleast i have my wand...ummm.

Hermoine: Harry...

Harry: HEYYY!!!! your the best.

Hermoine: Harry just...please don't die today. I don;t want to see my best friend get eaten by a
dragon.

Harry: Just relax okay, save the tears for my funeral. Alright.

(Cedric enters followed by Draco)

Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts i find it to be very interresting.

Draco: Well why your their you have to wear your space suit at all time because there is no
atmosphere on Mars. So if a single docking bay door opens you'll probably die.

Cedric: Oh how dreadful.

Draco: Well the good news is if your a good enough student rumbleroar will let you ride on his
back.

Cedric: And he is the Headmaster Lion

Draco: Who can talk!

Cedric: Well hello Harry, how are you doing today?

Harry: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.

Cedric: Well good i find that helps. Miss Granger.

Hermoine: Hello

(Cho chang enters)

Cho: Sugar pie

Cedric: My darling. Was that a kiss for good luck.

Cho: No that was a kiss for being so cotton picking cute. This ones for good luck.

Harry: I hate that guy!

(Dumbledore enters)

Hermoine: Its gonna be okay Harry, you're gonna be great

Dumbledore: Ahh granger i thought you were a boggart i'm terrifyed of boggarts. And what the
hell are you doing in the champions tent 10 more points.

Harry: Thanks Harry

Dumbledore: Are you kids ready to fight a dragon. Of course not your just children what the
hell am i thinking. Outside of this tent is thousands upon thousands of screaming fans who will
either be cheering for you or the dragon but either way they will be making some kind of noise.
Now in order for the selection process to be fair i am going to randomly select a cardboard cut
out size version of the dragon you will be fighting. For you cedric Puff the magic dragon,
figminte the imaginary dragon, the reluctant dragon, and for you Potter the Hungarian horntail
THE MOST TERIFYING THING YOU'LL SEE IN YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. Well if they're no more
complaints....

Harry: Woah wait Dumbledore this thing is terrifying. Those things are the cutest things i've
ever seen.
Dumbledore: This thing is horrifying, just use your imagination. DISAPERATE!

(Dumbledore leaves Ron enters)

Ron: Man this comeptition is going to suck all these dragons are assy little devils. OMG
MONSTER. Is that yours?

Harry: Yeah

Ron: OMG its awsome mind if I hold it. OMG this thing is terrifying I hope the real thing is
smaller. Argh!! this thing is ferocious what are you going to do?

Harry: I dunno i'm not cut out for this sort of thing.

(Hermoine enters followed by Snape )

Hermoine: Ron Ron you can't be in here this is the champion's tent.

Snape: Miss Granger what the devil are you doing in the champions tent. 10 points from
Griffindor.

Ron/Harry: Thanks Hermoine.

Ron: Hey good luck buddy, bye Snape.

Snape: Bye

(Ron and Hermoine leave)

Snape: Cedric Diggory now is your chamce to face your dragon.

(Snape leaves)

Cedric: Well fellas whish me luck!

Cho: I believe in you

Cedric: Thats all i needed to hear.

(Cedric leaves)

Harry: Draco i'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you that chance to switch dragons with
me, i'll give you that oppurtunity...

Draco: Let me think about that mmm NO

Harry: Come on i'll give you my Gushers.

Draco: Oh no i've a fruit by the foot....

(Snape enters)

Snape: Cho chang your dragon awaits.

Cho: Well i can't imagine this being that hard.

Snape: Well then i imagine it won't be. hahaha

(Snape and Cho leave)

Harry: Malfoy come on, i'll tell you what i'll throw in my teddy grams. You could make little
gusher teddy gram sandwhiches.

Draco: No...alrite you throw in that pack of buggles and you've got yourself a deal.

Harry: Absolutlely not

(Snap enters)

Snape: Draco Malfoy.

Harry: Proffessor snape is there anyway i can forefeit or swap dragons maybe take a day of
school...what are you doing what is that?

Snape: I'm protecting you Potter, Welsh green backs can't stand the taste of hunstons'd tomato
ketchup.

Harry: But i'm not fighting a Welsh Green Back i'm fighting a hungarian horntail.

Snape: Oh well silly me. Hunstons tomato ketchup is what hungarian horntails love best of all.
Good luck potter.

(Crowd and dumbledore enter)

Dumbledore: And now Harry Potter must fight the humgarian horntail the most terrifying thing
you'll see in your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon has not been fed in 2
weeks.

Hermoine: You can do it Harry just stay positive!!

Harry: ACCIO GUITAR!

(Dragon song)
 Act 1 scene 10
(Snape enters)

Snape: Attention all Hogwarts student tonight is our annual yule ball, so please remeber to pick
up your yule ball wreaths and give it to that special someone.

(Ginny enters followed by cho and friends and Harry)

Snape: Agh!!!! a GINGER!!

Ginny: Oh hey Harry Potter.

Harry: Hey Ginny,

Ginny: Fancy seeing you here.

Harry: Well it is the cafeteria so yeah.

Ginny: The Yule ball is coming up.

Harry: Yeah it is, pretty soon.

Ginny: Were you thinking of going with somebody.

Harry: Yeah i was just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and i think that time is about
now so if you've got something to say just get it out.

Ginny: AGHH!!!!!!!!

Harry: Oh Ginny is this for me. Oh how did you know i needed a wreath so i could ask Cho
Chang your the best.

Ginny: Oh Harry Potter...just forget it!

(Ginny leaves)

Harry: Alright i will.

Harry: Hey Cho chang listen, i know the yule ball is coming up and i was wondering maybe you
wanted to go with me. But just incase you were kinnda on the fence about it you should know
that i play guitar and i conquered that dragons heart with it so i figured maybe it'll conquer
yours.

(Cho Chang song)

Harry: Whatever.

Cho: Well Harry Potter bless your heart. But i'm gonna have to say no, that yound strapping boy
cedric diggory already ask me and i'm gonna go with him sorry. Come on girls lets go show
moaning myrtle are ball gowns and make fun of her cos she can't go.

(Cho and friends leave, Ron enters)

Ron: Hey there buddy hows it going?

Harry: Okay

Ron: Is that a Yule ball wreath?

Harry: Yeah

Ron: Who you gonna ask?

Harry: Well i asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for cederic stupery...

Ron: OMG they are going together that is so great, they make such a cute couple.

Harry: No no

Ron: I hate him i hate him so much. OMG he piss me off wow. Awww man that sucks dude, well
i don;t know why she turned you down your like the coolest guy in school.

Harry: I know i don't get it; i play guitar, i'm harry potter, i'm awsome...

Ron: Reece's pieces?

Harry: Yeah. I don't get in man, i guess i'll just go stag.

Ron: I'll probably go stag to. The only 2 girls i know who don't have dates at the moment are
Ginny (Harry/Ron- *Blow rasberry + Thumbs down*) and Hermoine (Harry/Ron- *Blow rasberry
+ Thumbs down*). I'm not going with my stupid sister

Harry: And i think of hermoine as a sister so thats out.

Neville: My look at these strapping young men.

Ron/Harry: Hey Neville

Harry: Do you want this yule ball wreath?

Neville: Yeah if your willing to part with it i will take this wreath.
Harry: Hey Ron lets go hang out with Hagrid he can teach us to dance and we can get into our
dress robes.

Ron: That could only lead to disaster and hilarity, lets go...i dunno whats happeing with
hermoine i don't think anyone has asked her because she is but ugly.

(Ron and Harry Leave, Goyle enters followed by Draco and Crabbe)

Goyle: Give that plant nerd. Oh goyle rules.

(Neville runs off after nerd)

Draco: So anyway it was reluctant enough at first but i lured it out of its cage with upside down
cake and then beheaded it with a quite slicing charm bloody fool. Goyle what are you doing
with that wreath, going to ask someone to the yule ball.

Goyle: No Dancing is for nerds.

Crabbe: And pretty girls.

Draco: Right, you know who the last girl i would ever ask to the yule ball would be? That
Hermoine Granger. Not even if we were the last two people on earth and she looked absolutely
stunning in her ball gown so every time i looked at her i got butterflies in my tummy...Not even
then. You know they don't even have dances at Pigfarts, al the noise would disturb
Rumbleroar's slubbering cubs.

(During speech pansy parkins has enter stage)

Goyle: Dancing is for Pansies.

Draco: Hey you there whats your name?

Pansy: Pansy

Draco: Perfect! your going to the Yule ball with me. You see that dragon there well it was
reluctant enough at first but i lured it out of its cage with an upside down cake...

(Draco, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy leave, Quirrell and Voldemort enter)

Quirrell: Yule ball decorating crew. Just the Yule ball decorating crew coming through, last
minute decorations. My lord the yule ball as finally arrived and i've brought the key.

Voldemort: YES I KNOW QUIRRELL I HEAR EVERYTHING YOU HEAR!

Quirrell: I'm sorry.

Voldemort: No i'm sorry i shouldn't have snapped. I'm just nervous thats all.

Quirrell: Why?

Voldemort: I don't want to talk about it.

Quirrell: Hey is just me, you can tell me anything you know that.

Voldemort: Yeah your right your right, i'm just nervous because we've been planning this night
for so long and i want everything to go perfectly.

Quirrell: Don't worry we've mapped out everything, we've anticipated every little problem and
compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him.
Just cool down, relax, by the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back.

Voldemort: Your right your right i'm being silly...and you know Quirrell over the last year i've
really grown attached to you. No pun intended.

Quirrell: Yeah i know what you mean but hey we will still hang out, just because we're not
attached doesn't mean we will be two completely different people. No pun intended.

Voldemort: No no of course not. Hey Quirrell we should make plans.

Quirrell: Evil plans!

Voldemort: Oh umm no casual plans. Like umm roller blading on Saturday then see a movie at
night.

Quirrell: Yeah it'll be great because we can both see it this time.

Voldemort: I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds. Not some one behind you all the time.

Quirrell: And have the privacy of my old life back again. Solitude.

Voldemort: You know whatever happens tonight man, its been a blast!

Quirrell: Yeah one crazy year!

Voldemort: ARGH!!! (*shakes tongue*)

Quirrell: Hye promise we will go roller balding and see that movie

Voldemort: Oh man i promise....Okay lets go plant that key and split. PUN INTENDED

(Snap enters)
Snape: Why Proffessor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the great dance hall just hours
before the dance.

Quirrell: Just decorating for the yule ball, one final touch.

Snape: A ladle.

Quirrell: A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch.

Snape: And whats so special about it.

Quirrell: Lets just say there is squirt in it!

Snape SQUIRT! is that not the favourite drink of one Harry Potter.

Quirrell: Is it i had no idea. Well we had better be going.

Snape: WE!

Quirrell: I, I had better be going then loud music hurts my ears.

Snape: Well i see you later then

Quirrell: Or maybe you won't

Snape: or maybe i will

(Quirrell and voldemort leave, Dumbledore enters)

Dumbledore: Severus what are you doing in here? getting some punch are ya?

Snape: No no there's squirt in it.

Dumbledore: Oh only Harry Potter likes that Hogshit i'll stick to my redbull thank you very
much.

Snape: Well goodnight Headmaster.

Dumbledore: But i saved this first dance for you.

Snape: Well i would headmaster but an old friend is coming back into town
tonight...hahahhehehahaha.

(Both Dumbledore and Snape leave whilst the party guest flood in)

Act 1 Scene 11
Harry: Hey Ron.

Ron: Hey whats up dude how's it going? Have you seen Hermoine anywhere?

Harry: No i haven't why?

Ron: Nothing, its just i heard Parvarti Patil tell Padmin Patil that she had seen Hermonine before
in the girls locker room crying her eyes out in the bathroom stalls.

Harry: Crying...wow.

Ron: I know isn't that just the sadest thing you've ever heard.

Harry: Yeah

Ron: I mean it was inevitable that Hermoine would realise that one day no guy would ever like
her, you know because of her obnoxious personality, her ugly face and her mis-shapened body.
Its just you know i figured she would get in at least one night of happiness before she would
realise she was growing old alone.

Draco: Hey are you two over here talking about Granger?

Harry: Malfoy get out of here its none of your business, why don't you go dance with Pansy
over there.

Draco: Hey go get me some punch.

Pansy: Okay, wait i should tell you there is squirt in it.

Draco: SQUIRT! nevermind i'll stay dehydrated! Go powder your nose or something.

Pansy: I just fixed my make up a little while ago.

Draco: Trust me you need more powder. Pain in the arse right. Anyway i see Granger isn't
around here, probably for the better to people can keep there humous and potato chips down
without her ugly mug walking about.

Ron: God why don't you just give her a break for once okay Malfoy.

Draco: Why defending her Weasly have a crush?!

Ron: NO no why all the insults Malfoy covering up a crush?

Draco: Right right like i could ever have a crush on that stupid little...

Cho: OMG, shut up she looks beautiful bless her heart.

 (Danger Granger song)

Act 1 Scene 12
Ron: I can't belive it.

Harry: What?

Ron: I can't believe she is dancing with every guy but me. That is so stupid, that is tupid dupid.

Harry: Why do you even care?

Ron: I don't, i don't care and that whats i'm going to go up and tell her. I'm going to tell her i
don't care what you do, and she is going to feel like such an idiot.

Harry: Listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk maybe you should take it easy on the butter
beers.

Ron: No no.

Hermoine: Hey Guys.

Harry: Hey Hermoine, you look great

Hermoine: Oh thanks, i used to think looks weren't important and now i think they're more
impportant than anything. I'm just really enjoying myself dancing with everyone...

Ron: WOW wow Hermoine when did you become so shallow when.

Hermoine: What is wrong with you Ron?

Ron: Nothing, nothing is wrong with me. Why don't you go ask Scholng Bottom to dance? huh

Hermoine: You know what maybe i will!

Ron: Showed her showed her real good.

Harry: Wait a second, wait a hot second! i know whats going on here. You've got a crush. Ron
listen to me pal girls don't really like it when your angry with them let alone shout at them.
Maybe what you should do is go over there and talk to her maybe ask her to dance.

Ron: No cos then she would know that i like her! and you always know you don't tell a girl that
you like her because then you look like an idiot!

Harry: I know you'd look like an idiot, any time you tell a girl that you like them it makes you
pissed of that is inevitable. But listen its something that you have to do, you have to look
forwards maybe Hermoine will like you back. What have you got to lose we already look like
idiots anyway, look at our robes if we dressed like this in the muggle world right we could get
our asses kicked. So you have nothing to lose and i bet you she wants to dance with you as
much as you want to dance with her. You've just got to give it a chance, maybe there is
something you din't see before, you know maybe find something special that was their the
whole time but you just didn't have the guts to say anything.

Ron: Where are you going? I'm still mad and sad.

Harry: Hold on! HP is going to take his own advice pal. Hey Ginny.

Ginny: Hey Harry.

Harry: Can i sit down?

Ginny: Yeah sure.

Harry: So hows Hogwarts?

Ginny: You know its okay. I was really excited to come here but now that i'm here i feel like i
don't belong.

Harry: Oh yeah i totally know what you mean.

Ginny: No you don't your Harry Potter.

Harry: Yeah i know, for 11 years i was just this dumb kid who got the crap kicked out of me
under some staircase and then all of a sudden i'm told, your a wizard! you have all of these
powers. And everybody thinks i'm cool all of a sudden, its wierd its kinnda isolating...oh sorry
look at me complang about being famous.

Ginny: I understand its like when you first got here nobody wanted to get to know you because
they thought that they new you already, but eventually you'll find people who will want to get
to know you for the real you.

Harry: Well Ginny i feel like i already have found this person, and i've been taking her for
granted. So come on get up do you want to dance? its the whole point of the evening...now i've
got to warn you i learnt all my best dance moves from Hagrid so i'm not that great.

Ginny: I'm sure you'll do fine, wow Harry Potter. I don't care what anybody says your the best
dancer that ever was.

Harry: Well i've got a confession to make Ginny these shoes here are magical enchanted
dancing shoes.

Ginny: Wow wee Harry Potter!

Harry: I'm just messing with you, i;m just awsome at dancing.

Ron: When you really dance with Neville is when you cross the line. Take this beat it. Come
here.

Hermoine: Why are you being mean to me?

Ron: I'm not being mean!

Hermoine: Yes you are! You know everyday of everyone is trying to put me down, and on the
one day i actually feel like a person your trying to ruin it!

Ron: Holy Shit!

Hermoine: What is wrong with you Ron!

Draco: Hey Weasley! the lady said no.

Hermoine: Not you too! You know what i am so sick of both of you, i hate you both.

(Hermoine leaves)

Draco: What did you say to her?

Ron: Nothing

Draco/Ron: I'm bleeding look at this.

Harry: So Ginny i'm feeling kinnda dizzy.

Ginny: Well maybe we should stop spinning, its from all this spinning right.

Harry We have stopped spinning.

(Kiss)

Harry: No no no no no, i can't do this your my best friend little sister, your Ron weasleys little
sister i can't do this. I'm sorry.

(Ginny leaves crying)

Harry: Hey Cho come dance with me i'm Harry Potter.

Cedric: Excuse me i believe i was dancing with the lady!

Harry: I know and i'm cutting in so...

Cedric: Well i find that to be very rude!

Harry: Alright cedric why don't you find out what the lady has to say about it!

Cho: Oh boys, there's no need to fight over little old me. But btw Cedric insists you cheated on
the dragon task.

Harry: Cheated! are you kidding me the thing was trying to eat me i was in its mouth.

Cedric: Exactly, what went on in there? I'd like to find out.

Harry: Thats it Diggory we are deuling, lets go!

Cho: Oh Godric Hollow all this excitment is making me thirsty.

Harry: Cho i'll get you something to drink. I'll get you some punch.

Cedric: No i'll get the punch.

Harry: No i'll get the punch.

Cedric: Fine have the puch!...i did it.

Cho: Oh you did it!

Harry: Cedric Diggory i'm gonna kill you!

PortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkey

Act 1 Scene 13
Cedric: Where are we?

Harry: I don't know Cedric someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got
goofed up!

Cedric: Well it seems clear to me now that that punch ladle was a portkey, and now thanks to
you we've both been transported to some mystery location.

Harry: Brilliant! Cedric your a Hufflepuff why don't you find us a way out of this place will you!

Cedric: Harry! I think i found something. It appears to be a headstone we must be in some sort
of grave yard; Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thoms Riddle...Riddle me this hey Potter.

Harry: Cedric i don't know about this place i think we need to get out of here.

Cedric: Harry your a Griffindor, where's your sense of adventure!

Harry: GOD! Cedric you are so annoying your just this guy who is around when i don't need a
guy around, your this spare guy all the time this spare dude. Your such a spare!

Voldmort: Kill the spare! Avafa kadavra

Cedric: So many regrets! I'm dead.

Harry: Oh my wizard God!

Quirrell: Not so fast, petrificus totalus!

Harry: Proffessor Quirrell you just killed Cedric!

Quirrell: Not i Potter, but perhaps you'd like to see who did. He's dying to see you.

Voldemort: ARGH!!! HARRY POTTER THE BOY WHO LIVED,its good to see again.

Snape: The cauldron is ready my lord.

Harry: A cauldron what are you guys going to do eat me, gross.

Voldemort: As delicous a dish it hink you make Potter, but i would need a stomach of my own
to digest you and i haven't got one of those yet!

Snape: ARGHH!! argh oooh owww okay!

Snape: Stop struggling detention Potter.

Harry: Detention man this guy is more of an ass hole as Snape is.

Quirrell: It worked!

(To Dance again song)

Act 1 Scene 14
Belatrix: My dark lord you look fabulous!

Voldemort: Belatrix Lestrange.

Belatrix: My leige tell me like its going to be like the old days, nothing but torture murder and
make love!

Voldemort: The old days are back baby!

Belatrix: I can't tell you what it was like without you.

Voldemort: Well i'm never going again! because i've conquered death, and my first pleasure will
be to kill Harry Potter! Next to take over the Minsitry for Magic and then rule the world for all
time! ARGH!!

Belatrix: And you will my lord but not yet, we must stick to the plan. We blame Potter's murder
on quirrell so that your return may remian a secret. The death eaters are prepared to take the
entrie of the Ministry of magic, much less Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoneix.

Quirrell: I'm sorry, what was that about me going to azkabam for Potter's murder?

Belatrix: You shall refer to him as my Lord or my leige or my dark lord only...

Volemort: No no Belatrix its cool, Quirrell is cool. Over the last year he's been proven himself to
be a very goodl frrri...a very good servant to the will of the dark lord.

Quirrell; Oh so i see so your Thomas Jefferson and i'm your Sally Hemmings is that right!

Voldemort: No Quirrell, that came out wrong its not like that.

Quirrell: Oh isn't it!

Belatrix: Silence slave, Crucio!...Whats the matter he is your pawn, you are his Queen. It is an
honour to serve the dark lord no matter what the task!

Voldemort: Are you alright?

Quirrell: Did you really know the whole time you'd blame Potter's murder on me?

Voldemort: Yes yes i knew, but things have changed over the last year. I feel differently now...

Quirrell: Don't touch me!

Voldemort: Its the movie she's all that, do you remeber that movie we watch that together.
Remeber how at the end Freddy prince junior turns out to be good?

Quirrell: No i didn't see the end because you were watching while you were on the back of my
head sucking my soul!

Voldemort: Well i whish there was another way, but i've got to take over the world.
Quirrell: Well there it is! I'll let you know now that its going to be pretty hard to make the roller
blading date from Azkaban.

Belatrix: Death Eaters take him away! And now you have what you've waited for for so long.

Voldemort: What?

Belatrix: Your chance to kill Harry Potter!

Voldemort: Yes, Kill Potter! Wait where did he go?

Harry: Your not killing me today Voldemort but i'll tell you one thing, i'll get you some punch.

PortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkeyPortkey

Ginny: Oh my Rowling! What happened Harry Potter?

Dumbledore: What the hell are you doing over here, you missed the raffle.

(Snape enters)

Snape: What happened in the grave yard?!

Harry: Its Voldemort! Voldemort! He's back!

Act 2 Scene 1
Random1: Extra extra read all about Harry Potter the boy who beat Voldermort now says he's
back.

Random2: Roll up and get your daily profit here Harry Potter vs Voldermort round 2.

Random3: Minster of magic cornellius fudge makes a statement.

Cornelius: I've heard these Voldermort rumours and I for one simply don't believe it.

Random 2: Voldermort talks about it on his new flewtube channel.

Voldermort: I'm gonna find Harry Potter and fuck him up...

Random 2: Also does a review of 17 again.

Voldermort: Well it was a little slow at the begining but its Zac effron zeffron, enough said.

Cornelius: I have seen these so called post and i still don't believe it. This is a ruse you have all
been hoodwinked.
Random4: Proffessor Quirrell confess to murder of Hogwarts student Cedric Diggory. Recieves
life in Azkaban.

Random all: EXTRA EXTRA!

(Randoms leave Harry enters followed by Ron, Cho and Neville and Pansy)

Harry: Ron this totally sucks man...

Ron: This is horrible.

Harry: I know its terrible, Harry Potter vs Voldermort round 2...

Ron: Is not that, its Hermoine. Its just, I can't get her out of my head and every time I look at her
i have these pains in my chest and i just know its her fault, that bitch. I'm just not cut out for
this Harry.

Harry: Yeah i know what you mean, its like when you're trying to save the world and the whole
world is just against you.

Ron: No no no. This isn't about you why does every conversation we have to have turn into
Potter time.

Harry: Its not Potter time...

Ron: No no no, i'm miserable and all you can do is talk about yourself. Your like the most
absorbed guy i know, you know what if you we misserable i would be there for you but you
won't even listen to me and i'm sick of it! So good luck with whatever you were talking about
and i hope you and Voldermort live happily ever after because me, i'm never going to be happy
again. So i'm just going to go and curl up in my sock draw and sleep for days.

(Ron leaves)

Harry: Ron.

(Hermoine enters)

Hermoine: Were you just talking to Ron?

Harry: Yeah i was trying to tell him about Voldermort...

Hermoine: Well did he say anything about me?

Harry: Yeah actually he said...

Hermonie: Well was one of them an apology of how he treated me at the yule ball?

Harry: Yeah i had heard about that, listen though i was wondering if maybe you had heard a
little something...I dunno that Voldermort is back! Cedric Diggory is dead! and proffessor
quirrell was crazy and now i have to save the world! Did you hear that Hermoine?!

Hermoine: Actually i have heard those things Harry about a thousand times but never have they
been told to me with so much Sass. Drop the attitude Harry Potter, you're acting like Garfield
on a Monday.

Harry: Well don't you think i have the right to be a little stressed out?!

Hermoine: No i don't! You know what this is just like the dragon i stressed out, i told you to
prepare and yet you didn't do anything and you were fine! You know you just played your little
guitar, and i don't know what you crying about Harry this is just like when you defeated
Voldermort and you were a baby.

Harry: Hermoine come on your meant to tell me to go to the library to figure this out...

Hermoine: You know what Harry, i don't do that anymore.

(Draco enter)

Draco: Read it and weep Potter! i heard Voldermort is back...and he is trying to kill you. What
do you think about that moonshoes?!

Harry: Malfoy i honestly don't see why you're so happy about this. If Voldermort is back, which
he is you might aswell kick Hogwarts goodbye, you might aswell kiss the whole planet goodbye.

Draco: Kiss the planet goodbye, having second thoughts about Pigfarts are you!!

Harry: Malfoy you are the last person i want to talk to about now.

Draco: You know what as soon as your out of the way, i'll be the coolest kid in school.

Hermoine: Malfoy that will never happen, everybody hates you.

Draco: Oh right this coming form Hermoine stranger!

Pansy: She's right Malfoy she's cool that you.

Cho: Yeah even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you.

Neville: Take this EXPELLARMUS!

Draco: Be quite, be quiet, don't say anything, stop it!

(Snape enters)

Snape: What the devil is going on here? Draco Malfoy pull those trousers up at once!

Draco: Proffessor i...

Snape: I don't want to hear it! I want to see you in my office now.

(Snape leaves)

Draco: This is all your fault Potter. You'll pay for this, you'll all pay!

(Draco leaves aswell as Hermoine, Neville, Pansy and Cho. Ginny enters)

Harry: Hey Ginny...I hope you have something to say about Voldermort.

Ginny: Who?

Harry: Whatever.

Ginny: Umm hey Harry, so we kissed at the yule ball and i thought we were going to be
together forever but we're not.

Harry: Yeah that pretty much somes it up.

Ginny: Whats going on?

Harry: Ginny this is whats going on, don't you get it? Everyone is in danger who is near to me,
so we can't be together because with Voldermort back your in mortal peril. Don't you get it? Its
like the spiderman movie Em jay and Peter Parker can't be together.

Ginny: But isn't the whole point of spiderman 2 is that Em jay and Peter could be together in
the end...

Harry: Yeah but the whole point of spiderman 3 is that everything sucks and falls to shit! Ginny
what i'm trying to say is i don't want my life to be like spiderman 3, i hated that movie! I'm sorry
thats my little way of saying we can't be together.

Ginny: I'm such an idiot.

(Ginny leaves Dumbledore enters)

Harry: Man i need a butterbeer...

Dumbledore: Pisst Potter over here.

Harry: Who are you?

Dumbledore: Its Dumbledore. Listen i've got some very important things i've got to tell you...

Harry: About Voldermort...

Dumbledore: Yes things that are absolutely cruical for you to know, but i can't go into it right
now. I need you to meet me in my inner office at 10 o'clock and come by yourself. Bring that
invisibility cloak of yours and don't go babbling your mouth about this to anybody, Voldermort
has spys that could be anywhere even inside Hogwarts. From now on the only people you can
trust is me and Severus Snape.

Harry: Listen Dumbledore, i know you don't want to hear this but i'm not so sure about Snape.
I'm pretty sure he is working for voldemort.

Dumbledore: What that's stupid, yoour stupid!

Harry: I don't know i'm positive that night in the grave yard some death eater cuts off his hand
and then Snape turns up without a hand.

Dumbledore: Bullshit, Snape has assured me he has lost his hand in an entirely unrelated
incident.

Harry: Dumbledore why do you trust Snape so much?

Dumbledore: Because i love him.

Harry: Proffessor i...

Dumbledore: Hey i don't wanna hear anything else about it. There is no way that snape is was
or ever shall be a servant of Voldermort's.

(Harry and Voldermort leave, stage set with voldermort, 2 death eaters and snape enters)

ACT 2 Scene 2
(Lights up 2 death eaters and Snape stage right, Voldemort and Bellatrix stage left)

Snape: All hail Voldemort!

Death eater 1: Severus Snape what are you doing here?

Death eater 2: Got tired of being on Dumbledore’s lap?

Death eater 1: I ought to jelly jink you right now traitor.

Snape: Don’t be goofy with me, I’m here to see Voldemort.

Death eater 2: How do we know this is some order of the phoenix practical joke.

Deat eater 1: I thought you deserted the death eaters when the dark lord lost his body.

Death eater 2: Or were you always a spy for DumbleBORE.

Death eater 1: Slumbersnore!

Death eater 2: BUMBLESORE!

Death eater 1: I heard you had your dark mark laser surgically removed.

Snape: Oh well if you two know so much about me you should write a biography, Snape-The
double agent (Reveals mark). That’s right I’ve always been a servant of Voldemort, I’ve simply
been working undercover finding out valuble information. Such as the inner workings of
Hogwarts, the roster of the order of the phoenix and finding out what a true Hufflepuff is
anyway. I’VE SEEN THINGS NO SLYTHERIN HAS SEEN, so if your done putting each others feet in
each others mouths I would like to see my master.

Death eater 1: Of course, right away severus.

Snape: Good I’ll be in the drawing room, painting a picture of the stupid looks on your faces’.

Belatrix: Then when sneaking into the department of mysterys we will enchant the statues…

Death eater 2: Excuse me miss…

Belatrix: WOAH!!!! WOAH!! Woah. Excuse me! I was in the middle of plotting. Now where was
I. The statues will occupy the gaurds in the main atrium while you and I sneak into the
Minister’s office. Where you will be one killing curse away from COMPLETE CONTROLL OF THE
ENTIRE WIZARDING WORLD, HOW DOES THAT SOUND MY LORD. My Lord? Voldemort?

Voldemort: Ahh yeah, Gringots that’s great great, polyjuice potion very classic…I’m sorry what
are we talking about?

Belatrix: Did you hear anything of my evil plan?

Voldemort: Well ummm…the details are a little fuzzy but you did have a very evil tone.

Belatrix: He’s all yours.

 (Belatrix storms off)

Voldemort: Belatrix come back! Don’t be like this…awww now two people are mad at me.
What?

Death eater 1: Sir Severus Snape is at the door and requests access to you.

Voldemort: Severus Snape, see him in.

Snape: Is that a new body my lord? You look absolutely ravishing.

Voldemort: Severus for such a supper secret spy you’re a terrible liar. I’m a wreck! You better
have some good news.

Snape: My Lord you know how for years we have been trying to get death eaters on to the
grounds of Hogwarts, well I think I’ve discovered away how.

Voldemort: Well be all means Snape tell me.

Snape: I can’t!

Voldemort: Can’t? Tease! Why not.

Snape: I made an unbreakable vow not to let any death eaters into Hogwarts.

Voldemort: Unbreakable vows! I hate those.

Snape: I know, but I had to do it to convince Dumbledore of my loyalty to him.

Voldemort: Yes Snape I understand. Wel if you can’t help me what do you propose we do?

Snape: Well I can’t tell you but I brought along someone who can.

(Enters Draco)

Draco: All hail Lord Voldemort.

Voldemort: Hahahaha, Lucius Maloy's boy...

Draco: Malfoy

Voldemort: Are you serious, hahaha, help from a child you've got to be kidding me. Don't make
me laugh i'm pissing.

Draco: If this homemade dark mark won't convince you (shows mark) then atleast here me out.

Voldemort: Okay, okay how do you propose we get my death eaters into your little day care
centre. And don't suggest a giant slide or a trampoline because we've already tried those.

Draco: The vents! Your death eaters shall enter through the ventillation system of Hogwarts.

Voldemort: Duh! The vents! How do we find these vents?

Draco: Oh I'll tell you how to get to the vents, but first we discuss the subject of payment.

Voldemort: Ah the catch, there's always a catch. There's nothing in this world as cruel or
demanding as the soul of a child. What do you want Maloy

Draco: I want a galaxy traversing rocketship with enough fuel to get me to MARS!!!

Voldemort: What do you want with a rocketship, what buisness do you have on Mars.

Draco: Well lets just say, Pigfarts Pigfarts here i come, Pigfarts Pigfarts yum yum yum...

Snape: No no no, with all respect my Lord there is one tiny flaw in that flawless plan. Albus
Dumbledore.

Voldemort: AH your right Snape, normally i'd say i'll kill him but I haven't been feeling so evil
lately...So here's how its gonna breakdown Millfoy, i need a gaurantee that you will lead my
death eaters while i simultaneously be attacking the ministry of magic. So I need you to promise
that by the end of the siege of Hogwarts Dumbledore whill be dead, leave Harry potter for me,
but Dumbledore must die! Do we have a deal?

Draco: We shall shake on it, an unbreakable vow.

Voldemort: By the end of tomorrow night Albus Dumbledore will be dead...

Draco: And i'll have my rocketship...

Voldemort: When the technology is invented...

Draco: And you have to be my slave for a whole day starting now!

Voldemort: NO!!! YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! YOU GOT ME, you got me, ahh this is so embarassing.
Thats the second time this has happened, thats why i hate unbreakable vows!

Draco: There are so many things i'm going to make you do for me. Your going to; clean my
room, lay out me knickers, and your going to tape Wizards of Waverley place (Made in
Hogsmeade) for me!

Voldemort: Ahh i hate chores.

Draco: I'll be busy with a murder...(Piano plays over draco)

(Voldemort,Snape,Draco all leave)

Act 2 scene 3
(Enter Harry and Hermoine)

Hermoine: Harry why would Dumbledore want to meet us so late at night.

Harry: Well he's got some information to tell us about Voldemort, did you bring the invisibility
cloak?

Hermoine: Yeah it right here.

(Enter Ron)

Ron: Alright Harry this better be good as I don't have a snack and I'm missing Wizards of
Waverly place (Made in Hogsmeade) for this, okay so what have we got to do thats so
damn...(Band member passes a snack to Ron) Omg thank you. I love Hogwarts!

Harry: Hogwarts is amazing!

Hermoine: You know what I'm leaving.

Harry: No,no,no,no, when i said I needed your help i meant both of you. So you guys have to
get over these hurt feelings before somebody gets hurt.

(Enter Dumbledore)

Dumbledore: Hi Harry, oh god damn it! I told you to come by yourelf why did you have to bring
the fattys.

Harry: Dumbledore, Ron and Hermoine are my best friends if this information is important as
you say it is they have a right to here it.

Dumbledore: Well I've been wrong before, get in here. I was talking to Weasley...Sorry the
place is such a stye.

Ron: OMG, that is a Boss Zeffron poster.

Harry: Its awsome!

Dumbledore: Isn't he just the greatest. You know every interview i've seen him in just makes
him seem like such a charsimatic humanitarian.
Harry: You think you like him cos your wrong, i love him the most. Harry Potter loves Zac effron
more than anybody else on the planet.

Ron: He sure does.

Harry: Anyway thats not what we are here to talk about, we are here to talk about Voldemort.

Dumbledore: Serius Black is not nessarily Zac effron because everyone knows i love him the
most, but about the dark lord. If you want to defeat this guy you're gonna have to know about
Horcruxs.

Harry/Ron/Hermoine: Whats a Horcrux?

Dumbledore: A Horcrux is one of the most terrifying piece of magic that a wizard can create. Its
actually when a wizard takes a piece of its soul and puts it into something else.

Harry: Why would anyone want to do that?

Dumbledore: Harry if you have a Horcrux you can never truely die, your body can be dead but
your soul can live on.

Hermoine: Oh it makes sense now Harry. Everyone knows that the night Voldemort killed you
parents he was destroyed but somehow he survived so he must have had a horcrux!

Dumbledore: He didn't just have one Horcrux he had six of 'em. I've already killed the first five
for you so you don't have to worry about that but you've got to destroy the last one with this...

Hermoine: The sword of Godric Griffindor!

Dumbledore: Thats right!

Hermoine: Godric Griffindor was one of the 4 founders of Hogwarts if anything can destroy a
Horcurx that sword is it.

Ron: This thing is so damn awsome. OMG EVERY WIZARD SHOULD HAVE A SWORD!! not this
stupid drumkstick. Yah yah!

Harry: We know what a Horcrux is Dumbledore but now where do we find it.

Dumbldore: You find it with this, looks like G-uint bling but its actually a Horcrux seeking
medalion.

Harry: Wait thats a horcrux seeking medallion, that sounds a little to convientent.

Dumbledore: So you have no problem with a time tuner but a horcrux seeking medallion!
Hermoine: Wait so if he has this piece of bling why are Ron and i even here.

Ron: Yeah Voldemort isn't even our problem.

Dumbldore: Hermoine Granger when one of yous has got a problem that means all three of
yous has got a problem. What would Zac effron say in a time like this? We're all in this
together...anyway you got to find the horcrux and destroy it...

(Nose of stage)

Dumbledore: What is that! oh it must be the death eaters oming to kill me quick kids out your
beards on.

Hermoine: We don;t have any beards.

Dumbledore: I thought i told you to bring beards.

Harry: No just the inviisbility cloak

Dumbledore: Well put that on but its no beard.

(Enter death eater group)

Death eater 1: Hey are you Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: No you see i have this beard on.

Death eater 1: Have you seen him?

Dumbledore: Well i thought i saw something by that mirror, but i could've been imagining what
i looked like without this beard on.

Death eater 2: Alright everyone spread out and look for Dumbledore, he's got to be around
here somewher.

Dumbledore: Be careful with the Zac effron poster its an antique.

Death eater 3: Why do you care so much about the Zeffron poster?

Dumbledore: I just appreciate his charms and hair.

Harry: But everybody knows that i like him the best.

Ron: OMG what.

Hermoine: shhh
Death eater 1: What was that?

Death eater 3: I wish that i could say that it was me because i feel i love zeffron the most, but it
was definately a voice from within this room.

Death eater 1 Is it an invisible man.

Death eater 3: Could the predator be in the room?

Death eater 2: Begin invisible man search!

Dumbledore: Its me Dumbledore!

Death eater 1: Dumbledore where did you come from.

Dumbledore: The man with the beard turned me in.

Death eater 2: Now we've got you right where we want you.

Dumbledore: Yes but what i don' understand is how!

Death eater 3: We had the help of a man on the inside. Someone you trusted, someone you
may have even loved.

Harry: Slughorn?

Hermoine: Lockheart?

Dumbldore: Aberforth my brother?

(Enter draco)

Draco: No it was me!

Dumbledore: Malfoy you little shit!

Draco: Thats right Dumbledore, i betrayed everyone and now i'm going to kill you.

Dumbledore: No your not, Draco if you were going to kill me you would've already done so.

Draco: NO, no not nessassarily true. I just wanted to offer you one more game of connect 4
before i offed you.

Dumbledore: Draco there are other options, its timed you looked inside yourself and decided
what you really want.

Draco: I WANT HERMOINE GRANGER and a rocketship.

Dumbledore: Why don't you take the girl out for a happy meal and go to space camp, come on!
Murder leads to a life of despair and seperation. I know your going to do the right thing.

(Snape enters)

Snape: What the devil is going on here?!

Death eater 1: Severus thank you, we've got Dumbledore cornered.

Snape: Well what are we waiting for kill him, do it Draco!

Draco: I don't think i can.

Snape: COWARD, 10 points from Griffindor.

Dumbldore: I don't understand i gave you my lettermans jacket.

Snape: It never fit.

Dumbldore: Why didn't you say i could've shrunk it with magic. Severus please don't kill me!

Snape: AVADA KADAVRA

Harry/Ron/Hermoine: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Death eaters/Snape: AHAHAHAHA!

(Death eaters/Snape and Draco leave)

Harry: I hate Snape, i hate him i hate him. I'm gonna kill him.

Hermoine: Its not your fault Harry!

Harry: No it is my fault! Don't you get it everyone is dying because of me, first Cedric now
Dumbledore i can't do it anymore.

Ron: Come on lets got to the Burrow.

Harry: No don't you get it i've got to do this by myself. I did it once when i was a baby i can do it
again. I can't have you guys near me your at to much risk.

Hermoine: We know but we don't care about th risk!

Harry: You don't understand you have to get away from me!

Ron: You can't mean that?

Harry: I do just leave me alone!

(Harry leaves then Ron and Hermoine)

Act 2 Scene 4
(Fudge on stage, Voldemort enters)

Voldemort: Corneillus Fudge the Minister for Magic!

Fudge: I still don't believe your back!

Voldemort: Belive this Fudge. AVADA KADAVRA!

Fudge: A heart attack surely.

(Belatrix enters)

Belatrix: Yes yes! The Ministry has Fallen! Yes! Now your the Minister neh the king of all magic!
OHH Voldemort take me right here right now on the Minsiter's desk.

Voldemort: I'm gonna get ya, gonna get ya, come here tricksy! Wait you wanna try something
new? Get on the desk!...Now sit p Bitch.

Belatrix: Yes command me my lord.

Voldemort: Ahhh thats nice!

Belatrix: So what do we do know?

Voldemort: Just hang out mostly, we could watch a movie. How about she's all that, i've never
seen the beging of it?

Belatrix: Are you feeling all right my lord?

Voldemort: Of course i am quirrell.

Belatrix: Alright thats the dozenth time you've called me that!

Voldemort: No i called you s squirell...yeah a squirell.

Belatrix: No your thinking of that pion we sent to Azkaban!

Voldemort: He's not a pion! more of a man than you'll ever be.

Belatrix: You know what i can't do this. If i'm going to be evil with all of you, i need to be evil
with all of you!

Voldemort: Evil wth all of me, what doesn't that mean? I'm all right here.

Belatrix: No there are pieces of you missing!

(Belatrix leaves)

Voldemort: Are you talking about my Horcruxs, because if it weren't for those i wouldn't even
be here right now!

(Harry enters/quirrell)

(Missing you song)

(Harry/quirrell leaves death eater enters)

Death eater: My Dark Lord we have news from Severus Snape. Dumbledore is dead and the
death eaters have control of the castle. Hogwarts is yours my dark lord.

(Deat eater leaves)

Voldemort: Ahhh excelent! prepare my flying machine. Looks like i'm going back to Hogwarts.

(Voldemort leaves)

Act 2 scene 5
(Harry is on stage Ginny enters)

Ginny: Harry!

Harry: Ginny what are you doing here? Get out of here!

Ginny: No there's no place to go the death eaters are all over the castle.

Harry: I know looking for me, and if they find me your with me so you'll get in trouble. Get out
of here!

Ginny: What are you going to do?

Harry: I dunno Ginny i'm not cut out for this kind of thing.

Ginny: No no, you have to do something, i don't know what but you can do it. Your Harry
Potter...
Harry: No...

Ginny: Your the boy who lived

Harry: No Ginny yu don;t get it, none of you guys get it! I'm just a 12 year old kid. Ginny i'm
sorry but i' alone its hopeless. Am i right?

(Alone song)

Hermoine: Right now that we've got that 4 part harmony out of the way, why don't we get that
Horcrux.

Harry: Yeah lets do it.

Ron: Well it could be anywhere, if i had a Horcrux i would drop it into the bottom of the ocean
or put it in a pyramid with king tut and all of his jewls...Or i would blast into space with a
monkey who knew nothing about Horcruxs.

Hermoine: Or it could be hidden somewhere amongst the mundane British countryside, our
tale could take months of camping and breaking into gringots whilst drinking a boat load of
polyjuice potion.

Harry: Well the Medallion says thats dumb so we're not gonna do that! But it does say its in one
convinent place, get this its Hogwarts what are the odds.

Ron: Ahh thats awsome I love Hogwarts.

Harry: Whats even better is its in Dumbledore's office.

Ron: Thats bitchin

Hermoine/Ginny: Awsome

Harry: So lets go, wait a second hold the phone, how did you get here? There are death eaters
all over Hogwarts.

Ginny: Well I had help, dahh!!!!!!

(Draco enters)

Ron: Malfoy!

Ginny: NO no he's really nice now.

Draco: Yeah, i just wanted to say that song you sung was really beautiful. While i was backstage
i was working out my harmony, and thought maybe i could join you but you wrapped it up
before i could chime in there. But maybe if you do a reprise I could go at it, but as Ginny said i'm
really nice now and i just feel awful about what just happened. I mean could you argue that this
was my fault? Yes...

Ron/Harry: Yup, absolutley.

Draco: Tha would be a safe arguement. But let me ask you one question do you think i'm happy
about this?

Ron: OMG Malfoy just because your upset doesn't mean your off the hook.

Harry: Yeah, furthermore do you want to kick your ass or should we do it for you?

Draco: Oh well if your giving me the option i'll kick my own ass, but first i should teach you the
way to get into Dumbledore's office. It ironically the same way the death eaters got in.

Hermoine: Well why don't you boys head off to Dumbledore's office whilst Ginny and I take the
invisibility cloak and get in contact with the Order of the Phoneix as we really haven't seen
them for the whoke play.

Harry: Thats a good point, don't touch me! Come on lets get out of here.

(Ginny, Harry, Draco leaves)

Ron: Hey Hermoine come on come on! come downstage. Look listen...ahh shit. So, i've been
acting like a real jerk ass lately. But you know that. Seeing you dance with everyone at the Yule
ball made me kinnda jealous, jealous, i was jealous.

Hermoine: You were jealous!

Ron: Yeah thats the third time i've said i was jealous.

Hermoine: Okay well Ron we don't have to talk about this now.

Ron: But what if the death eaters get us, what if we don't comeback.

Hermoine: Don't say that (Kiss)

Ron: Woah!!!

(Awkward smelling breath, then kiss/face lick)

Ron: Uh uh uh uh...AHHHHH!!!!! LETS GO KILL VOLDEMORT!!!!

 (Ron leaves followed by Hermione)

Act 2 scene 6
(Ron/Draco/Harry enter)

Draco: Do you lads see this Zeffron poster?

Harry: Yeah we know Malfoy.

Ron: We already know about it.

Harry: Thats enough Malfoy its not that big of a deal, can just look for some Horcruxs please.

Ron: Is this a Horcrux.

Harry: No.

Draco: This.

Harry: No.

Ron: How about this?

Harry: No.

Draco: Pack of ()

Ron: No those are snacks! This?

Harry: No.

Ron: ahhh this could take forever, there are so many things in this room, but the only thing with
any true value is that Zeffron poster.

Harry: Wait a second.

Draco: No.

Harry: You don't think.

Ron: Anything related to Zac effron can't be evil.

Harry: Its impossible.

Poster V: Ahhhhhh.
Harry/Draco: Ron kill it its the last Horcrux/No don't do it

Ron: I dunno he is just so charismatic!

Poster V: Don;t kill me i'm not your enemy, Potter is the enemy.

Ron: No Harry is my friend.

Poster V: You've got to get your head in the game Weasley. He will betray you, he will take that
which you want the most.

Harry: Don't listen to him, he's lying Ron.

Poster V: I know your thoughts Ron Weasley, i know what you truely desire.

Poster H: Hello Ron!

Ron: OMG Hermoine you've lost weight.

Poster H: Thats right, im in shape for Harry Potter.

Harry: What?

Ron: Wait what Harry?

Poster H: Thats right as long as Harry is around you'll always be second best, least loved. But if
Harry was to be killed then we could be together forever.

Harry: Thats not true Ron.

Ron: Yeah Harry is my best friend.

Poster H: Don't you want me Ron! Don't you love me Ron! Then you know what you've got to
do.

Ron: Yes, i must kill Harry.

V-offstage: Thats right weasley!

Harry: No Ron don't its a trick don't listen to her. Stop it, Hermoine is my best friend.

V-offstage: Lies weasley all lies! He wants her you can tell.

Harry: Its not true man, your my best friend!

V-offstage: Kill him! Kill him!

Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

V-offstage: AHH

Draco: You just have to put some tape on this its fine.

Harry: Ron you had me going there for a bit buddy.

Ron: Soory about that pla, everything she was saying...and it felt like i couldn't you know.

Harry: What?

Ron: Even if that is how se did feel about you and me, it wouldn't matter because your my best
friend. I would never do anything to hurt you. Cos i love you.

Harry: I love you to man!

Draco: Listen chaps, as fun as this was i thought killing a horcrux would be much harder.

Ron: Yeah when you think about it horcruxs are just stupid!

(Belatrix/hermoine/ginny/death eaters enter)

Belatrix: Wands down boys.

Draco: How did you idiots get captured you were invisible!

Belatrix: Do it Potter or they die!

Harry: Well looks like we have backs against a wall with no where to go. Put your swords down
and wands.

Belatrix: Ahh look at little itty bitty Harry Potter giving orders to his little bitty diaper friends.

Harry: I'm not a baby i'm 12.

(Snape enters)

Snape: What the devil is going on here! woah deja vu. ahhh

Belatrix: We have Potter and his friends at last!

Hermoine: You're a very mean person.

Ron: A big fat liar.

Harry: Yeah you're a traitor Snape.

Snape: Oh a traitor am I Potter, your exactly right because i'm about to betray someone right
now! Bat boogey hex!

Belatrix: Expelliarmus! Serpensortia!

Snape: My Weiner!

Harry: Snape no!

Belatrix: ahh don't even think about moving, unless anyone of you wants a snake to the weiner!
Now come on potter.

(Enters Mrs weasley)

Molly: Kids!

Ron/Ginny: Mum

Harry: Mrs Weasley.

Belatrix: Who the hell are you?

Molly: I'm Molly Weasley and those are my kids. AVADA KADAVRA

Belatrix: That is not fair!

Molly: Die Bitch!

Ron: HOLY SHIT, mum you just killed her. I thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make
her do the dishes.

Molly: Stupid siblings

Ron/Ginny: Oww

Molly: Desperate times call for desperate measures, even the unforgivable can sometimes be
forgiveable sometimes.

Ginny: What are you doing here?

Molly: I came with the Order of the phoneix: Lupon, Tonks, Mad eye moody, serius black and
your brother Fred.

Ron: Oh great where are they?

Molly: They're all dead.

Ginny: Fred. No

Molly: Anyway just came here to save your lives go back to what you were doing. DISAPERATE.

(Molly leaves)

ACT 2 Scene 7
Harry: Snape, Snape! Expelliarmus!

Ron: Die!

Hermoine: This doesn't look good that is a coral snake, and a coral snake is a highly venomus
snale.

Snape: She's right its to late for me now. Before i go i need to tell you there is another Horcrux.

Hermoine: How can that be all 6 have been destroyed.

Snape: No, no there is a seventh.

Ron: Oh i really hope its not an Ashley Tisdale poster, i couldn't deal with that.

Snape: Use the medallion.

Harry: It doesn't say anything.

Snape: But give it to Granger.

Hermoine: Wait but it says there is one right here but i don't understand.

Snape: Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents he try to destroy you, but his body was
destroyed instead. When that happend a part of his soul was balsted away from the whole and
attached itself to you. Voldemort can't truely die untill all the horcruxs are destroyed.

Hermoine: So if Harry's a horcrux does that mean Harry has to be destroyed.

Harry: Theres got to be another way.

Snape: No, Potter i'll show you what you need to do watch very carefully.

Draco: He didn't even do anything.

Harry: Its because he is dead you dumb mother fucker.

(Voldemort enters)
Voldemort: People of Hogwarts my death eaters have taken the castle and your Headmaster
Albus Dumbledore is dead, continue to resist and you all will be killed one by one. But there
need not be war between us you have all fought valiantly and i'm willing to offer you position in
my new world order, as slaves. Give up now and be forgiven, i order my death eaters to stand
down. Now Harry Potter I speak directly to you, if you do not wich for those closest to you to
suffer an die on your behalf you will come face me yourself. I will be waiting in the forbidden
forset for 1 hour, if within this hour you have not come to face me yourself the battle will
recommence and this time Potter i shall enter the fray myself and find you. I will murder every
last man, woman and child who has tried to conceal you from me. Voldemort out BITCHES.

(Voldemort leaves)

Hermoine: Okay don't panic, we've still got an hour we just need to come up with a plan.

Harry: There is no plan Hermoine, i know what i have to do. I have to die.

Ginny: No no no no theres got to be another way.

Hermoine: Well maybe there is something in this book, We could find some sort of
enchantment which would nullify...

Harry: Forget about it there is only one thing i've got to do, i have to die. I love you all, accept
you Draco i can't fucking stand you! Goodbye.

Ginny/Ron/Hermoine: Harry.

(Longest scene change in the workd. Everyone off bar voldemort and death eaters)

Death eater 1: He's not coming my Lord.

Voldemort: It seems that way. Well death eaters looks like we are going back to seize the castle,
this is what Potter has chosen. Its funny I expected him to come. Seems i was mistaken.

Harry: You weren't!

Voldemort: Harry Potter the boy who lived. Crucio!

Harry: Owwww

Voldemort: Crucio!

Harry: Owww

Voldemort: Your not even going to fight back. Your weak, weak just like your parents. They did
not deserve to live in this world, in my world! Prepare to join them. AVADA KADAVRA!
Death eaters: Wooh voldy! voldy! You did it my lord no one will ever question your powers
again.

Voldemort: Yes.

Death eater 1: Doesn't this please you my lord?

Voldemort: Yeah, yeah its great. I just thought it might make me feel less empty inside. Well
death eaters we fgo back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their hero.

(Voldemort and Death eaters leave)

ACT 2 Scene 8
(Enter dumbledore)

Dumbledore: Hey Harry.

Harry: Dumbledore? I thought...I got shot by voldemort.

Dumbledor: Lets just say your somewhere between our world and the next.

Harry: Did i survive.

Dumbledore: Take a seat.

Harry: Alright.

Dumbledore: Harry have you, sit down, have you ever heard of a love shield?

Harry: No but it sounds kinnda frutiy.

Dumbledore: A love shield is anything but fruity. Its when somebody loves you so much that if
they were ever willing to give their life for you, their love literally becomes a shield which
surrounds your whole body protecting you from any form of dark magic.

Harry: So is that what happened to me, i have a love shield.

Dumbledore: Harry, its time for you to learn all the things you should have know seven years
agao which really would have helped you along the way. The love shield protected you the first
time, Voldemort accidentally turned you into the seventh horcrux the one not even he knew
about, when voldemort try to kill you this time he unknowingly killed his piece of soul inside
you, and i've know the whole time.

Harry: You knew this whole time, you bastard.

Dumbledore: Hey, hey they don't call me the greatest wizard that ever lived for nothing. Harry
its time for you to get your cute butt back there and fight him as a mortal man. Accept this time
he will be a mortal man to.

Harry: Dumbledore i get what your saying i know what i have to do. Hey there is one thing i
want to know though, your a clairvoant now seeing the past present and future all at the same
time.

Dumbledore: Oh yeah!

Harry: Can you tell me how lost ends? (Can you tell me how The only way in essex won a bafta?
or whether Cagie will ever get with spencer?)

Dumbledore: Harry there are some question even i can't handle.

Harry: Thanks man!

Dumbledore: Hey no problem, now get out of here...third door on your left.

(Harry leaves, Rumbleroar)

Rumbleroar: Are you ready to go Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Sure am Rumbleroar.

Rumbleroar: And are you sure you don't want to tell Harry Potter your still alive?

Dumbledore: Oh no Pigfarts has been a closely gaurded secret for thousdans of years. Shame to
let the cat out of the bag. No pun intended.

Rumbleroar: I suposse your right. Do you have your spacesuit Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Thank you for reminding me...Ready to go Rumby?

Rumbleroar: Sure am, to Pigfarts, RUMBLEROAR.

(Dumbledore and Rumbleroar leave, Voldemort enters with )

Voldemort: People of Hogwarts, Harry Potter is dead. He was killed while running away trying
to save himself while you laid down your lives for him. The battle is one, my death eaters out
number you continue to resist and you will be slaughter. Come out of the castle and kneel
before me nd you may be spared.

Ron: You guys barricade the doors. Umm Cho you see if Neville is dead. You guys go get
snack...oh shit we barricade the doors. Then i'll quit. Well there is only one thing to do we must
fight.

Draco: But i'm tired, can't we just be death eaters.

Ron: No we can't just be death eaters! We are gonna fight okay! we are gonna fight so hard
that we are gonna win!

(Voldemort is going down)

Act 2 Scene 9
Ron: He can't get in its impossible we barricaded the door.

(Voldemort enters)

Voldemort: ARGH!!!! What! Potter! How many times do I have to kill you boy!

Harry: Clearly more than once. But its all over Voldemort you can't kill me this time. Nobody
help me I've got to do this by myself.

Voldemort: He doesn't mean that! Thats not how he operates, is it boy. Who are you gonna use
as a Human shield this time Potter?

Hermoine: Ron!

Harry: Nobody because this time its just you and me, all the horcruxs are gone I destroyed them
all.

Voldemort: Even my Zeffron poster!

Harry: Especially the Zeffron poster.

Voldemort: Nooo!! curse you Potter you'll die for that!

Harry: No you won't because you can't kill me. You can't kill any of these people.

Voldemort: What the fuck you on about!

Harry: You don't learn from your mistake do you Voldemort. I was prepared to die to save these
peoplw.

Voldemort: But you didn't!

Harry: Yes but i meant to. Thats what did it, i've done what my mother did for me for these
people, i've given them magical sanctuaries so you can't hurt me or these people ever again!
Voldemort: So what! Who cares about these children, its you I want dead Potter. Whats to stop
you from dying when I strike.

Harry: Just one thing. Think about all the people who've hurt, the lives you've destroyed, the
people you've killed. Maybe try a little slice of remorse pie. There has got to be one person, one
thing in your life that you miss, that you regret.

Voldemort: Well maybe there is one...No! there isn't. The jokes on you Potter because I don't
care about anybody.

Harry: I know and thats what makes you such a piece of shit! Because here at Hogwarts we stick
together, we love one another, we're a family of friends. My love has protected these guys and
their love is all i need to protect me form you.

Voldemort: Lets put that theory to the test Potter. AVADA KADAVRA.

Harry: EXPELLIARMUS.

Cho: Well choclate frogs! Harry potter did it yal.

Everyone: Yeah!!!!!! woop!!

Ron: WOAH!! WOAH!! woah woah. Listen hey i just wanna let you guys know that i'm totally
cool with it. Come on make out with me.

Hermoine: I guess that ties up all the loose ends, accept for the house cup tournament.

Neville: Guys look at this i found Dumbledore's will.

Harry: Dumbledore's will!

Neville: It says that in the event of my death Griffindor wins the house cup. It also says
Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory goes to Charlie and Toon town goes to the
Toons.

Everyone: Yeah!!!

Harry: Well i guess all the proffessors are dead, so butterbeers on me!

(Everyone leaves, dementor/Quirrell/Voldemort enter)

Dementor: You're free to go.

Quirrell: Thanks.
Dementor: Hey, whilst I was devouring every single on of your happy thoughts they all seemed
to be about a certain friend of yours. Care to talks?

Quirrell: No thats behind me now!

Dementor: Well did you hear the news Voldemort is dead! Yeah good luck getting off this
impenatrable island.

Quirrell: Dead!

(Enters Voldemort)

Voldemort: Hey you.

Quirrell: Voldemort is it really you?

Voldemort: Whats left of me.

Quirrell: But i just heard you were...

Voldemort: Destroyed, yeah. Quirrell theres a part of me thats still here which i can't go onto
the next level without, it can't be destroyed because it right in here!

Quirrell: In my heart? So you came back.

Voldemort: I came home.

Quirrell: And you don't want to kill Harry Potter anymore?

Voldemort: No, because I learnt something when i had my body back. Quirrell I learnt that life is
really messy, complicated, and doesn't turn out the way you think it will. You think killing
people will make you like them but it doesn't, it just makes them dead. I got killed by a 2 year
old, and its really embarassing. Everyone is like "When are you gonna come back Voldemort,
When are you gonna take over the world" and its on me its all on me! And i'm sitting there by
muself because no one wants to help and I say to myself maybe with Quirrell things will be
okay.

Quirrell: Is okay good?

Voldemort: Quirrell okay is wonderful.

(Everyone enters, singing alone chorus)

THE END!