A Biblical Guide for Overcoming Sexual

Temptation
by Bayless Conley
Copyright © 2013 Answers with Bayless Conley

God wired us up to be social and intellectual beings. He also wired us up to

be sexual. Our sexuality is not meant to be a fire that rages out of control
and continually gets us into trouble. God actually set up boundaries for our
sexuality, and He gives a lot of practical advice in the Word regarding it.

Proverbs 5:14 says, “I was on the verge of total ruin, in the midst of the
assembly and congregation.”

Perhaps you are someone who sits in church, yet you are actually on the
verge of total ruin. You may be on the verge of a ruined marriage, a ruined
reputation, ruined finances, a ruined relationship with your kids, emotional
ruin, or spiritual ruin. You may be tottering on the precipice of engaging in an
affair with someone. You may have already messed up, and now you are
eating some of the bitter fruit—experiencing some of the consequences for
what you have done. If that is the case, take heart, because God is a God of
mercy and forgiveness. Even though the things we do cannot be undone, and
our actions do have consequences, God still has a future and He still has
hope for you. He still has good things planned for your life.

I would like to consider some of the warning signs of sexual sin and
temptation. The first one would be amorous glances and flirtatious looks.
Proverbs 6:25 says, “Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her
allure you with her eyelids.”

Today’s English Version says, “Don’t be trapped by their flirting eyes.” When
Joseph was in Potiphar’s house, in Genesis, chapter 39, Potiphar’s wife began
making eyes at Joseph. She tried to persuade him to commit adultery with
her, and it all began with the looks that she gave him.

Now, I make eye contact with people all the time. It is perfectly in order,
especially in our culture. If, however, when you catch someone’s eye there
seems to be an amorous connection, it is time to focus somewhere else.
Especially if you are married, the last thing you need to be doing is flirting
with someone other than your spouse.

Notice from Proverbs 6:25 that flirtatious looks and the state of one’s heart
are put together. Jesus said that it is out of the heart that fornications and
immoral acts proceed. Your eyes are actually one of the gateways to your
heart. If your wife says, “I do not like the way that woman was looking at
you,” listen to your wife. If your husband says, “I don’t like the way that guy
was looking at you,” listen to your husband. I am not talking about enforcing
some sort of jealous paranoia. I am just talking about being wise and
realizing that your eyes can be a gateway to your emotions.

When someone of the opposite sex looks you up and down, winks at you, or
smiles at you, it can really feed your ego. It can also end up being the first
chink in your armor, if you are not careful.

The second warning sign is flattery. Proverbs 6:23-24 and 5:3 says, “For the
commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the
way of life, to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a
seductress. For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is
smoother than oil.”

The flirtatious words of an immoral man or woman seem so natural and so

unrehearsed, surely they must be sincere. The word for “drip” in these verses
is also translated in your Bible as to prophesy. It is also used throughout
Scripture to indicate inspired speech. The idea is that the immoral man or
woman almost seems to be telling you your innermost thoughts, and the
things that you most want to hear. The words seem almost inspired. You
might end up thinking about those words all day, wishing your spouse
appreciated you that way. Suddenly your attention is focused on another.
Those words can actually be inspired because we do have an enemy that
walks about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. He wants to
devour your marriage, your peace, and your relationship with God.

A sincere compliment is okay; but it has been said, “When somebody pats
you on the back, they are usually wanting you to cough something up.”
Usually a person flatters you in hopes of getting something from you, such as
sex.

The third warning sign is inappropriate touch. Proverbs 6:27-29 says, “Can a
man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on
hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s
wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent.”

This passage speaks about the act of adultery; but it also includes all of the
touches that led up to the act, even the seemingly innocent ones: The
comforting hand on the shoulder, picking a piece of lint off the sweater, you
know, the touch of hand to hand, etc. For some, once a touch like one of
these has happened, they think about it all day long. Their mind continually
comes back to it. Touch is a powerful communicator. We need to be aware of
that. Hugs are not always appropriate. It says in Ecclesiastes, chapter 3,
“There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” One of
the times to refrain from embracing is if you are attracted to the other
person, and you are not married to them.

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A Biblical Guide for Overcoming Sexual Temptation
Speaking of the seductress, Proverbs 5:8 says, “Remove your way far from
her, and do not go near the door of her house.”

Do not pray that God will give you strength; just get far away. Do not come
near the door of her house. The Amplified Bible puts it this way: “Avoid the
very scenes of temptation.” To pray, “God, give me strength and keep me
free from temptation,” when you are thrusting yourself into temptation is
lunacy.

If you get too close to the fire of sexual desire, you will end up getting
burned. You are not immune. First Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee sexual
immorality.” Second Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee youthful lusts.” You do not
have to be young to have youthful lusts.

Run away! It says in Ecclesiastes, “A living dog is better than a dead lion.” I
will let you muse on that one for a little while. Avoid the scenes of
temptation. It says in the Book of Romans to not make provision for your
flesh to fulfill the lust thereof.

You may have a former girlfriend, and you battle sometimes with thoughts
about her. You are a fool if you go near her house. If you have been
attracted to some waiter at a certain restaurant, do not go eat at that
restaurant. Avoid the scenes of temptation. If you make provision for the
flesh, you are going to end up doing what you have prepared for.

Now I would like to switch gears and talk about some of the things you
should do instead of those we’ve already covered which you should not do.

First, consider the consequences. We read that the lips of an immoral woman
drip with honey and her mouth is smoother than oil. Let me tell you, that is
the most expensive honey and oil you will ever buy. We read that in the end
she is as bitter as wormwood, and as sharp as a two-edged sword. The
experience will be bitter in your conscience and bitter in the fruit that it
produces.

Proverbs 5:9-11 and 6:30-32 says, “Lest you give your honor to
others, and your years to the cruel one. Lest aliens be filled with your
wealth, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner; and you mourn
at last, when your flesh and your body are consumed. People do not
despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving. Yet
when he is found, he must restore sevenfold; he may have to give up
all the substance of his house. Whoever commits adultery with a
woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul.”

Some thoughts about this passage: A lifetime spent earning wealth and an
honorable name can be lost through one immoral act. There are sexually
transmitted diseases to consider, some of which still do not have cures.
Sexual immorality affects our relationship with God. As Peter writes, “Abstain

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A Biblical Guide for Overcoming Sexual Temptation
from fleshly lusts that war against the soul.” If in the midst of trying to
worship God there is a battle going on in your soul because of certain things
that you have given yourself over to, it can have a devastating effect on your
spiritual life.

Proverbs 6:33 says, “Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will
not be wiped away.”

Unlike our loving, forgiving God, everybody else might not be so merciful.
Some people will never forget. They will forever reference you by one bad
thing you did. One translation says, “A reputation permanently ruined.” That
is just one of the consequences that needs to be considered.

Proverbs 6:34-35 says, “For jealousy is a husband’s fury; therefore he will

not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, nor will he
be appeased though you give many gifts.”

People get caught up in the passion of an affair and fail to realize they are
not just affecting their own life. He or she is also ruining the life of the
spouse of whomever they have committed adultery with. When David slept
with Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba, the prophet came and said, “You had no pity,
David. You had no mercy at all.” Your sexual sin does not just affect you.
Think about all the other parties involved, their kids, and how what you do
will affect them. Consider the rippling effect that just goes on and on.

Be conscious of God. Proverbs 5:20-21 says, “For why should you, my son,
be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a
seductress? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He
ponders all his paths.”

Even if nobody else knows or sees, God knows, and God sees. If we are God-
conscious, it will help us. We told our kids from the time they were young.
“Mom and Dad know we cannot be with you all the time, and you are going
to do stuff that our eyes will never see; but God’s eyes are always open. God
is always watching.”

If you are married, have a vibrant romance with your spouse. Proverbs 5:15-
19 says, “Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your
own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the
streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your
fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer
and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be
enraptured with her love.”

Rejoice with the wife or husband of your youth. Do things together that bring
you both joy; whether that’s riding bikes together, going to garage sales,
shopping for antiques, going to movies, reading, or whatever else. Find

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A Biblical Guide for Overcoming Sexual Temptation
something that you can rejoice in together. Find some common ground and
do some things together. Have sex a lot. Sex is good.

First Corinthians 7:1-5 says, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote
to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of
sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have
her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her,
and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority
over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does
not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one
another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to
fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt
you because of your lack of self-control.”

Be intimate as often as you need to so you will not end up being tempted.
Stay satisfied sexually in your marriage relationship.

For whatever station you are at in life, God has grace for you. God has grace
for the single, and God has grace for the married person. If you are single,
know that there are a whole lot of issues that come when you are married,
which you will not have to face being single. There is grace for every aspect
of married life and all of the challenges that it brings; and there is grace for
all of the aspects of single life and its challenges, including sexual challenges.
God’s grace in this area is like a tide that lifts up a boat—His grace lifts you
up above some of those things so that it will not be a miserable, constant
struggle for you. God has got you covered.

It is important we have people that we are accountable to and that can speak
into our life. Proverbs 5:1 says, “My son, pay attention to my wisdom; lend
your ear to my understanding.”

The rest of this chapter and the next speak of listening to a father’s wisdom
and a mother’s wisdom to avoid falling into sexual temptation. Whether that
is a natural father or mother, or a spiritual father or mother in the faith, it is
important to have someone that we can unburden our hearts to. I have men
that I would not hesitate to speak to if I were in trouble. I know they would
not judge me. They would help me. They would have my best interests at
heart. It is good to have people that you can talk to.

Proverbs 7:6-9 and 12-23 says, “For at the window of my house I looked
through my lattice, and saw among the simple, I perceived among the
youths, a young man devoid of understanding, passing along the street near
her corner; and he took the path to her house. In the twilight, in the
evening, in the black and dark night. At times she was outside, at times in
the open square, lurking at every corner. So she caught him and kissed him.
With an impudent face she said to him: ‘I have peace offerings with me;
today I have paid my vows. So I came out to meet you, diligently to seek
your face, and I have found you. I have spread my bed with tapestry,

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A Biblical Guide for Overcoming Sexual Temptation
colored coverings of Egyptian linen. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,
aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us
delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on
a long journey; he has taken a bag of money with him, and will come home
on the appointed day.’ With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with
her flattering lips she seduced him. Immediately he went after her, as an ox
goes to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, till an
arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, he did not know it
would cost his life.”

Notice, he did not avoid the scenes of temptation at all. He did not remove
his way far from the seductress. He went near the door of her house. He
made provision for the flesh. He did it under cover of darkness, thinking no
one would see. He was not God-conscious. The woman flattered him and got
his imagination going. She caused him to yield, meaning even though he had
run by all of these roadblocks, he was still conflicted on the inside. He knew
what he was doing was wrong; but her persuasive speech led him to
overcome his conscience. Hosea 4:11 says that harlotry enslaves the heart.
The Living Bible says, “Women rob people of their brains.” The man gave in
to the passion of the moment, and he went for it, not realizing the high price
he would have to pay.

If you have messed up in this area, or you are struggling, you need to know
that God is not angry with you. He loves you, and He wants to help you. The
devil is the tempter; he seduces and entices us to sin; then, once we fall for
it, he suddenly switches roles and becomes the defender of God’s glory. He
feeds you thoughts like, “God is so angry with you. You have had so many
chances. You cannot come to God.” The Bible says that a righteous man or
woman falls seven times, and then gets up again. It is time for you to get up
again. You have a Father in heaven that loves you. He will never quit on you.
We need to endeavor with all of our hearts and souls to do this right because
the payoff for doing it right is amazing. There are fantastic consequences for
living God’s way.

Copyright © 2013 Answers with Bayless Conley

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A Biblical Guide for Overcoming Sexual Temptation