Transcription from Live at Arlene's Grocery,

NYC. 9/2/97

[Jeff, talking to someone] Something they say in

public, you know it also sucks, you've gotta watch it,
alright. You just be like the Japanese students and
be in the bag (?) the cool stuff underneath the but
not up front.

[guitar doodling, sound check, etc, drumming] A

pitcher of water for the drummer.

[more Jeff doodling] Oh, and another thing, you

have to wait til after album season, cause then it's
cool; and not before. Oh, is that for Parker? Am I
just a complete fucking asshole cause I didn't
recognise? Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Jeff notices a bootlegger] You fuck! Dick!

Bootleggin' our show man! You're going to study it?
Let me tell you, music school friends, deadhead
friends, and a miracle. Alright, just roll your tapes.

[more guitar doodling] Um that's Parker Kindred on

the drums there.

[Song - Nightmares?]
[Jeff] Thank-you. Hey, Michael would like this guitar
in his monitor.

[listens to Michael] Less guitar.

[Listens to Michael and gets it right] Less of my

guitar in his monitor.

[Neurotic Bobcat Golthwaite voice] And more of my

nicotine patch. Those fuckers work man I should be
Jonesin' right now, I should hate you all but I love
you so much. It's cause of the nicotine patch.

[Normal Jeffy voice] When I see you on the street

and I feel friendly to you, even though you've got a
smoke in your mouth, like in between your work day
and your lunch hour, and I can't have one Well, I do,
but I cheat. Then I see you, you're having so much
fun, you're talking with your girlfriend, you're
walking your dog, or you're like checking out
somebody, or trying to give money to somebody, or
having to give money to somebody, and a cigarette
looks so good. John Cougar Mellencamp is very
pissed at this point, cause he'll have a heart attack.
This is called Witches' Rave. About a spell that was
cast over me one day. I loved it as much as I hated
it. But I couldn't make it go away. And I probably
never will. So maybe this will help things along, shall
we? One, two, three, four
[Song - Witches' Rave]
[Jeff] Thank you so much.

[Semi-So Real guitar doodling] Oh lord Thanks so

much.

[Deep throaty growl] It's time for more music.

[Song - So Real]
[Guitar tuning]
[Crowd]
[laughter] No! No!

[Applause]
[Jeff takes a cigarette?]

[Jeff] Lord, please keep me from chasing that dragon

again. It's so fucking We killed them off, we raped
their land, then we put 'em on the packet of the best
cigarette brand that ever hit Manhattan. American sp
[weird microphone blurting noise]
[Jeff coughing up stuff] Hey, can I have one of
those?

[Funny voice] Sure, have four.

[Puts them in his ears?]

[Crowd laughter]

[Normal voice] What are you from London?

[Funnier voice] It's a menthol!

[Normal voice] No, it's a Salem!

[More crowd laughter]
[Deep American voice] Here, good old American
spirit here boy.

[Normal voice] Pretty soon they'll have the dollar

sign here. They should just cut right to the chase.
Salem was a very sexy one.. Remember eve? Eve
cigarettes?

[Camp voice] "it all begins with you"

[Coughing up more stuff]
[Crowd laughter]

[Normal voice] It's not going to happen any other

way, cause these drugs (?) are killing me.
[Woman in crowd] Put it in the nose!
[Cigarette?]

[Jeff] Not in the nose, cause that has to do with air.

[Guitar tuning] One time I saw this awesome
performance artist, I think his name was Scott. He
came out on toe shoes and like this huge sufi skirt.
With this amazing headdress, he had this horrible
look of pain on his face. Like like like he had a safety
pin under his toe nail or something. It was like uh
like the toe dance, like amazing. Then he did a
handstand, and the skirt fell down. And just pop!
This carrot came out.
[Woman in crowd] Of where?
[Laughter]

[Jeff] No time to tune baby! Can't hold these things

in my ears forever.

[Guitar tuning/doodling] Okay, um that's the end of

that one. So's that. Thank-you so much. This is
(about/called) Paranoia in the City
[Song - Paranoia in the City?]
[Jeff] Oh shit

[Guitar doodling] It still takes a long time to get to

Oh come on, give me the fucking cigarette.
(Somewhere-town) bingo!
[Laughter and cheers from audience, presumably as
Jeff lights up]

[Man in crowd] Quitter!

[Jeff] No, I'm an ex-quitter! I'm not a quitter man!

I'm a pleasure seeker, man, I got the fucking patch!
This thing's going to kick in, and I'm going to feel..
likepffffft. You don't know what nicotine does! I don't
care if people say it's good. Tastes good, tastes like
burnt peanut butter toast. Just the way he likes it.
Or the burnt stuff the burnt stuff on the lasagne.

[Song - Lover, you should've come over]

[Song - Morning Theft]

[Jeff]
[To the band] No, you stay that way. You stay that
way, and you change, and we'll do it together.

[Guitar tuning] Have you ever had to be in the

retarded class, even though you weren't? They put
the so called learning disablilties or whatever. It was
that it was that moment those moments, those two
moments. It was sort of a weird conglomeration of
detention, learning disability. I guess, I suppose if
violence is a learning disablilty, I've always thought
so.

[Woman in crowd] So what are you trying to say?

[Jeff] I'm trying to say that uh I don't know, I'm just

asking, I wondered if anybody knew what it was like.
Yeah, I think, I think, I think the theme in my
feelings was incarceration, or some kind of
institutionalisation that wasn't college or, uh
bartending. Yeah, right. Me and my friend Inger got
popped. Put that on the internet. Yeah, and the time
I got fired I always rue this day, and I've told this
story a billion fucking times, but I used to work at
the Banana Republic on 87th and Broadway.

[Jeff to Michael] Can you give me a D?

[More tuning]
[Jeff] So one day, uh the store detective comes, and
I'd met him a few times, his name was Joe
DiMariano.

[Man in crowd] Joe!

[Jeff] Yo Joe! Hey yo! Let me tell you something

about cops, man.
[Laughter] Some fucking good old boy, jock heavy,
neo-Nazi, donut stuffing, substitute teacher for the
President of the United States. I remember from
meeting a guy named Gabriel who said there were
some good cops and they were in his family. I said
'you lucky man. But they'll still take your ass away if
they find some drugs on you.' But unfortunately we
were dumb enough to open up a beer in front of the
courthouse in Jersey. But we were creative.

[Man in crowd] What about Joe?

[Jeff] Oh yeah, Joe. Joe sat there for like I was new
in town, and I was like kinda stupid and naive, and
so he said 'you stole a ladies' shirt'. I bought a
ladies' shirt, I bought it, but he said I stole it, I was
like 'it's on the record' and he goes
[In twisted Sylvester Stallone type cop voice] 'no,
no, you stole another shirt, now don't be a pussy
man, be a man, 'fess up'

[Normal voice] Now they always use that word, I

want you to, I want you to I want to arm you against
these people, and their intimidation schemes. If
you're a guy and you're with a girl, he's going to
go'oh, so, ah' you know, he's going to like, go on
the, like, 'you don't have it together, you don't have
your shit, where's your, you know thing.' And he's
going to go on you like the pussy trip. Like 'yeah,
just give me the drugs, and I'll throw them out the
window, and we can forget this whole thing.' And I'm
like 'yeah, right' So you don't trust them, then he
like you know, has some cool orange trousers, and
he's like 'I saw you smoking, haaa!' He'd like my ass
when we get to jail. And they're all like

[Laughter] He fingerprinted me, and he says 'one

zero zero zero three, right, that's your zipcode,
right? I got that right, I got a pretty good memory.' I
said 'yeah, that's a lot of zeroes' I'm just a dick. I'm
from LA, what can I tell you I'm wearing this cause
I'm in mourning. I hope this goes off, it's a nice
Song.

[Song - Vancouver]
[Jeff] Parker's bummed at his high-hats.
[Guitar tuning] Alright, a quick three and we're out
of here, baby! This is the first time we ever, uh hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey! This is the first time we ever
feedback! This is the first time we're ever playing
some of this stuff. So just throw your cigarettes this
way if you hate it, and if you don't What's that joke?
If you want to, pull it once, if you don't want to, pull
it 172 times. You ever heard that one?

[Guitar tuning] It's a cock joke, I think. It's a triple

dropped D explosion! It's triple D. Yeah, you're
looking for the professional.. something I need
another hit.. I'm stressed.

[Song - Snail, or something? Just a guess]

[Jeff flicks the power switch on his guitar on and off]
Very scary music. Everything in moderation, at least
I'm not being a

[Prim voice] 'Don't smoke around me, don't put put

that out, don't put don't do that here'

[Normal voice] Then I'd be a real asshole, then. But

I could
[Whispered] I love you. I don't know exactly what
we're going to do, but I think it's called The sky is a
landfill. Okay It's kind of an up-tempo tune, I've got
some lyrics to it, and I hope I remember them! Oh
man here we go you guys, I love you. I love you a
lot.

[Song - the Sky is a landfill]

[Song - Mojo Pin, with a capella chocolate intro

mmmm yum]

[Song - Grace]
[Jeff] Thank-you, and goodnight everybody. I love
you. That's Michael Tighe on the guitar.

[Applause] That's Mick Grondahl on the bass.

Naughty boy.

[Applause] Parker Kindred on the drums.

[Applause] But I haven't I haven't smoked a whole

cigarette all day, it's just been little tips. Believe me
man, it's better than it was. Every time I like cause,
when your voice is really high and quiet, it's a little
pianissimo.
[Prim voice] A little pianissimo falsetto, as they say
up at NYU. And when you have tar, guarding that
experience from happening, ever, it's really a bitch.

[Guitar tuning] Especially when you're me and you're

born with a voice like a girl. See I had a perverse
double standard on myself , like

[Ridiculously high voice] when I'd smoke these It'd

be just like Rod Stewart, Tom Waits, you know the
more manly thing.

[Normal voice] But I do, I still sound like a girl, and I

just hack up big brown shit and I can't sing. Not
even, you know, I can't do the lyrics either.

[amazing Tom Waits voice] Parking at the bottom of

the street, and the theater has ju-ju-beans all over
the floor. And the credits are rollin', and the Song's
Michael Bolton. And something loverboy, and devil
may care Singing
[moan, moan, groan, cough]

[Normal voice] You know what's really fucked up?

And you can tell all your friends what fucking sellouts
we are. When we get on tour,
[feedback] Hey! Check, check, check. When we get
on tour, we have, we have tunings. Two tunings on
different guitars, we have like two. But actually we
still, actually we still kind of like We still, actually we
still waste people's time. But I was seeming to think
if it was faster, maybe it was because I was high.

[Laughter] I have to stop getting stoned at the gigs.

It is so not good. That's why I'm still so touchy about
the bootlegs, cause I've said some shit that'd make
your something really vital in your body curdle up
and die. Did anybody see that Message To Love
movie with Jimi Hendrix? I'm just waking up, you
know

[Hendrix voice] 'cause I didn't come here, yeah,

yeah, I didn't come here'

[Normal voice] That guy's coked up.

[Hendrix voice]
[sniff] 'Yeah, right, this is just. Paint by numbers,
Jimi Hendrix, one, two, three'

[Plays a Hendrix riff] Promoters in the background

going
[Dopey British voice] 'Oh god, I shouldn't have
fucking given him a gram, man. It's a total bummer.
Hopefully they'll be more wasted out there and they
won't know the difference. ELP was way more kinetic
than this. Of course they had cannons and leather
socks.

[Normal voice] Do you think we should get cannons?

[Man in crowd] Just leather socks!
[Jeff] I may have leather socks for all you know

[Song - Last Goodbye]

[Jeff] Thanks a lot everybody, thanks a lot.

[Much applause and cheering].