“The way we see the problem is the problem,” Covey writes.

We must allow ourselves to

undergo paradigm shifts to change ourselves fundamentally and not just alter our attitudes and
behaviors on the surface level in order to achieve true change.

Habit No 1: Be Proactive
While the word pro-activity is now fairly common in management literature, it is a word you
won’t find in most dictionaries. It means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as
human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions,
not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the
responsibility to make things happen.

Look at the word responsibility (“response+ability”) the ability to choose your response. Highly
proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or
conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice,
based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.

Because we are, by nature, proactive, if our lives are a function of conditioning and conditions,
it is because we have, by conscious decision or by default, chosen to empower those things to
control us.

In making such a choice, we become reactive. Reactive people are often affected by their
physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude
and their performance. Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. Whether it
rains or shines makes no difference to them. They are value driven; and if their value is to
produce good quality work, it isn’t a function of whether the weather is conducive to it or not.

Reactive people are also affected by their social environment, by the “social weather.” When
people treat them well, they feel well; when people don’t, they become defensive or protective.
Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behavior of others, empowering the
weaknesses of other people to control them.

For Example: “Reactive is, ‘I’ve got massive chest pain and pins and needles down my arm.
Maybe I’ll go to the doctor.’ Proactive is, ‘Even though I have no symptoms, I want to live a
long, healthy life so I have embraced the life-long habits of healthy eating and regular exercise.’

We’re in charge. We choose the scripts by which to live our lives. Use this self-awareness to be
proactive and take responsibility for your choices.

What distinguishes us as humans from all other animals is our inherent ability to examine our
own character, to decide how to view ourselves and our situations, and to control our own
effectiveness.

“It is our willing permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what
happened to us in the first place.” -Stephen Covey
*****
Habit No 2: Begin with the End in Mind
To Begin with the End in Mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.

For Example: In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the
car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ
music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared
sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there.

As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face
to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come
to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. As you take a seat and
wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four
speakers.
The first one is from your family, immediate and also extended — children, brothers, sisters,
nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the
country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of
what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is
from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service.

Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life?
What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind
of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate?

What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what
achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you.
What difference would you like to have made in their lives?

“Begin with the End in Mind” is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There’s
a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.”

For another example, look at a business. If you want to have a successful enterprise, you clearly
define what you’re trying to accomplish. You carefully think through the product or service you
want to provide in terms of your market target, then you organize all the elements — financial,
research and development, operations, marketing, personnel, physical facilities, and so on — to
meet that objective. The extent to which you Begin with the End in Mind often determines
whether or not you are able to create a successful enterprise. Most business failures begin in the
first creation, with problems such as under capitalization, misunderstanding of the market, or
lack of a business plan.

Most of us find it rather easy to busy ourselves. We work hard to achieve victories like
promotions, higher income, more recognition. But we don’t often stop to evaluate the meaning
behind this busyness, behind these victories; we don’t ask ourselves if these things that we
focus on so intently are what really matter to us.

“It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder
and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover that it’s leaning against the wrong
wall.” -Stephen Covey
*****
Covey emphasizes that our self-awareness empowers us to shape our own lives, instead of
living our lives by default, or based on the standards or preferences of others.

Re-scripting is recognizing ineffective scripts that have been written for you, and changing
those scripts by proactively writing new ones that are built of your own values.

It is also important to identify our center. Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source
of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.

However, Covey notes that none of these centers are optimal, and that instead we should strive
to be principle-centered. We should identify the timeless, unchanging principles by which we
must live our lives. This will give us the guidance that we need to align our behaviors with our
beliefs and values.

Habit No 3: Put First Things First

Habit 1 says, “You’re the creator. You are in charge.” It’s based on the four unique human
endowments of imagination, conscience, independent will, and particularly, self-awareness. It
empowers you to say, “That’s an unhealthy program I’ve been given from my childhood, from
my social mirror. I don’t like that ineffective script. I can change.”
Habit 2 is the first or mental creation. It’s based on imagination, the ability to envision, to see
the potential, to create with our minds what we cannot at present see without eyes; and
conscience — the ability to detect our own uniqueness and the personal, moral, and ethical
guidelines within which we can most happily fulfill it. It’s the deep contact with our basic
paradigms and values and the vision of what we can become.

Habit 3, then, is the second creation, the physical creation. It’s the fulfillment, the actualization,
the natural emergence of Habits 1 and 2. It’s the exercise of independent will toward becoming
principle-centered. It’s the day-in, day-out, moment-by-moment doing it.

In order to maintain the discipline and the focus to stay on track toward our goals, we need to
have the willpower to do something when we don’t want to do it. We need to act according to
our values rather than our desires or impulses at any given moment.

*****
“The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.” -Stephen Covey
*****
All activities can be categorized based on two factors: Urgent and important. Take a look at this
time management matrix:

We react to urgent matters. We spend our time doing things that are not important. That means
that we neglect Quadrant II, which is the actually most crucial of them all.

If we focus on Quadrant I and spend our time managing crises and problems, it keeps getting
bigger and bigger until it consumes us. These leads to stress, burnout, and constantly putting out
fires.

If we focus on Quadrant III, we spend most of our time reacting to matters that seem urgent,
when the reality is their perceived urgency is based on the priorities and expectations of others.
This leads to short-term focus, feeling out of control, and shallow or broken relationships.

If we focus on Quadrant IV, we are basically leading an irresponsible life. This often leads to
getting fired from jobs and being highly dependent on others.

Quadrant II is at the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things like building
relationships, long-term planning, exercising, and preparation all things we know we need to do
but somehow seldom get around to actually doing, because they don’t feel urgent.

In order to focus our time in Quadrant II, we have to learn how to say “no” to other activities,
sometimes ones that seem urgent. We also need to be able to delegate effectively.

*****
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” -Stephen
Covey
*****
Plus, when we focus on Quadrant II, it means we’re thinking ahead, working on the roots, and
preventing crises from happening in the first place! This helps us implement the Pareto
Principle — 80% of your results come from 20% of your time.

We should always maintain a primary focus on relationships and results, and a secondary focus
on time.

*****
“Think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things.” -Stephen Covey
*****
Practice Success Habit 3:
Here are some ways you can practice putting first things first:
Identify a Quadrant II activity you know has been neglected in your life — one that, if done
well, would have a significant impact in your life, either personally or professionally. Write it
down and commit to implement it.
Draw a Time Management Matrix and try to estimate what percentage of your time you spend
in each quadrant. Then log your time for three days in 15-minute intervals. How accurate was
your estimate? Are you satisfied with the way you spend your time? What do you need to
change.
Make a list of responsibilities you could delegate and the people you could delegate to or train
to be responsible in these areas. Determine what is needed to start the process of delegation or
training.
Organize your next week. Start by writing down your roles and goals for the week, then transfer
the goals to a specific action plan. At the end of the week, evaluate how well your plan
translated your deep values and purposes into your daily life and the degree of integrity you
were able to maintain to those values and purposes.
Commit yourself to start organizing on a weekly basis and set up a regular time to do it.
Either convert your current planning tool into a fourth generation tool or secure such a tool.

Habit No 4: Think Win-Win

In order to establish effective interdependent relationships, we must commit to creating Win-
Win situations that are mutually beneficial and satisfying to each party.

Covey explains that there are six paradigms of human interaction:

Win-Win: Both people win. Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying to
both parties.
Win-Lose: “If I win, you lose.” Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials,
and personality to get their way.
Lose-Win: “I lose, you win.” Lose-Win people are quick to please and appease, and seek
strength from popularity or acceptance.
Lose-Lose: Both people lose. When two Win-Lose people get together — that is, when two
determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact — the result will be Lose-Lose.
Win: People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose — that’s
irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.
Win-Win or No Deal: If you can’t reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial, there is no
deal.
The best option is to create Win-Win situations. With Win-Lose, or Lose-Win, one person
appears to get what he wants for the moment, but the results will negatively impact the
relationship between those two people going forward.

The Win-Win or No Deal option is important to use as a backup. When we have No Deal as an
option in our mind, it liberates us from needing to manipulate people and push our own agenda.
We can be open and really try to understand the underlying issues.

In solving for Win-Win, we must consider two factors: Consideration and courage. Take a look
at the following chart:

*****
“To go for Win-Win, you not only have to be nice, you have to be courageous.” -Stephen
Covey
*****
Another important factor in solving for Win-Win situations is maintaining an Abundance
Mentality, or the belief that there’s plenty out there for everyone.

Most people operate with the Scarcity Mentality — meaning they act as though everything is
zero-sum (in other words, if you get it, I don’t). People with the Scarcity Mentality have a very
hard time sharing recognition or credit and find it difficult to be genuinely happy about other
people’s successes.

When it comes to interpersonal leadership, the more genuine our character is, the higher our
level of pro-activity; the more committed we are to Win-Win, the more powerful our influence
will be.

To achieve Win-Win, keep the focus on results, not methods; on problems, not people.

Lastly, the spirit of Win-Win can’t survive in an environment of competition. As an

organization, we need to align our reward system with our goals and values and have the
systems in place to support Win-Win.

Practice Success Habit 4:

Get yourself to start thinking Win-Win with these challenges:
Think about an upcoming interaction wherein you will be attempting to reach an agreement or
negotiate a solution. Commit to maintain a balance between courage and consideration.
Make a list of obstacles that keep you from applying the win-win paradigm more frequently.
Determine what could be done within your Circle of Influence to eliminate some of those
obstacles.
Select a specific relationship where you would like to develop a Win-Win Agreement. Try to
put yourself in the other person’s place, and write down explicitly how you think that person
sees the solution. Then list, from your own perspective, what results would constitute a win for
you. Approach the other person and ask if he or she would be willing to communicate until you
reach a point of agreement and mutually beneficial solution.
Identify three key relationships in your life. Give some indication of what you feel the balance
is in each of the Emotional Bank Accounts. Write down some specific ways you could make
deposits in each account.
Deeply consider your own scripting. Is it win-lose? How does that scripting affect your
interactions with other people? Can you identify the main source of that script? Determine
whether or not those scripts serve well in your current reality.
Try to identify a model of win-win thinking who, even in hard situations, really seeks mutual
benefit. Determine now to more closely watch and learn from this person’s example.

Habit No 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

“Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be
understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to
reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They’re filtering everything through their
own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people’s lives.

Before we can offer advice, suggest solutions, or effectively interact with another person in any
way, we must seek to deeply understand them and their perspective through emphatic listening.

Let’s say you go to an optometrist and tell him that you’ve been having trouble seeing clearly,
and he takes off his glasses, hands them to you and says, “Here, try these, they’ve been working
for me for years!” You put them on, but they only make the problem worse. What are the
chances you’d go back to that optometrist?

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our everyday interactions with others. We prescribe a
solution before we diagnose the problem. We don’t seek to deeply understand the problem first.

Habit 5 says that we must seek first to understand, then to be understood. In order to seek to
understand, we must learn to listen.

*****
“You’ve spent years of your life learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak.
But what about listening?” -Stephen Covey
*****
We can’t simply use one technique to understand someone. In fact, if a person senses that we’re
manipulating her, she will question our motives and will no longer feel safe opening up to us.

Habit 5 is powerful because it is right in the middle of your Circle of Influence. Many factors in
interdependent situations are in your Circle of Concern — problems, disagreements,
circumstances, other people’s behavior. And if you focus your energies out there, you deplete
them with little positive results.

But you can always seek first to understand. That’s something that’s within your control. And
as you do that, as you focus on your Circle of Influence, you really, deeply understand other
people. You have accurate information to work with, you get to the heart of matters quickly,
you build Emotional Bank Accounts, and you give people the psychological air they need so
you can work together effectively.

*****
“You have to build the skills of emphatic listening on a base of character that inspires openness
and trust.” -Stephen Covey
*****
To listen emphatically requires a fundamental paradigm shift. We typically seek first to be
understood. Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. At any given
moment, they’re either speaking or preparing to speak.

After all, Covey points out, communication experts estimate that:

10% of our communication is represented by our words.

30% is represented by our sounds.

60% is represented by our body language.

When we listen autobiographically in other words, with our own perspective as our frame of
reference, we tend to respond in one of four ways:

Evaluate: Agree or disagree with what is said

Probe: Ask questions from our own frame of reference
Advise: Give counsel based on our own experience
Interpret: Try to figure out the person’s motives and behavior based on our own motives and
behavior
But if we replace these types of response with emphatic listening, we see dramatic results in
improved communication. It takes time to make this shift, but it doesn’t take nearly as long to
practice emphatic listening as it does to back up and correct misunderstandings, or to live with
unexpressed and unresolved problems only to have them surface later on.

The second part of Habit 5 is “then to be understood.” This is equally critical in achieving Win-
Win solutions.

*****
“Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage.” -
Stephen Covey
*****
When we’re able to present our ideas clearly, and in the context of a deep understanding of the
other person’s needs and concerns, we significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

Practice Success Habit 5:

Here are a few ways to get yourself in the habit of seeking first to understand:
Select a relationship in which you sense the Emotional Bank Account is in the red. Try to
understand and write down the situation from the other person’s point of view. In your next
interaction, listen for understanding, comparing what you are hearing with what you wrote
down. How valid were your assumptions? Did you really understand that individual’s
perspective.
Share the concept of empathy with someone close to you. Tell him or her you want to work on
really listening to others and ask for feedback in a week. How did you do? How did it make that
person feel.
The next time you have an opportunity to watch people communicate, cover your ears for a few
minutes and just watch. What emotions are being communicated that may not come across in
words alone.
Next time you catch yourself inappropriately using one of the autobiographical responses -
probing, evaluating, advising, or interpreting — try to turn the situation into a deposit by
acknowledgment and apology. (“I’m sorry, I just realized I’m not really trying to understand.
Could we start again?”)
Base your next presentation on empathy. Describe the other point of view as well as or better
than its proponents; then seek to have your point understood from their frame of reference.

Habit No 6: Synergize
What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It
means that the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself. It is not
only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most
exciting part.

By understanding and valuing the differences in another person’s perspective, we have the
opportunity to create synergy, which allows us to uncover new possibilities through openness
and creativity.

The combination of all the other habits prepares us for Habit 6, which is the habit of synergy or
“When one plus one equals three or more and the whole is great than the sum of its parts.”

For example, if you plant two plants close together, their roots will co-mingle and improve the
quality of the soil, so that both plants will grow better than they would on their own.

Synergy allows us to create new alternatives and open new possibilities. It allows us as a group
to collectively agree to ditch the old scripts and write new ones.

*****
“Without doubt, you have to leave the comfort zone of base camp and confront an entirely new
and unknown wilderness.” -Stephen Covey
*****
So how can we introduce synergy to a given situation or environment? Start with habits 4 and 5
you must think Win-Win and seek first to understand.

Once you have these in mind, you can pool your desires with those of the other person or group.
And then you’re not on opposite sides of the problem — you’re together on one side, looking at
the problem, understanding all the needs, and working to create a third alternative that will meet
them.

What we end up with is not a transaction, but a transformation. Both sides get what they want,
and they build their relationship in the process.

By putting forth a spirit of trust and safety, we will prompt others to become extremely open
and feed on each other’s insights and ideas, creating synergy.

The real essence of synergy is valuing the differences — the mental, emotional, and
psychological differences between people.

*****
“The key to valuing differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they
are.” -Stephen Covey
*****
After all, if two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary. When we become aware of
someone’s different perspective, we can say, “Good! You see it differently! Help me see what
you see.”

We seek first to understand, and then we find strength and utility in those different perspectives
in order to create new possibilities and Win-Win results.

Synergy allows you to:

Value the differences in other people as a way to expand your perspective.
Sidestep negative energy and look for the good in others.
Exercise courage in interdependent situations to be open and encourage others to be open.
Catalyze creativity and find a solution that will be better for everyone by looking for a third
alternative.
Practice Success Habit 6:
Think about a person who typically sees things differently than you do. Consider ways in which
those differences might be used as stepping-stones to Third Alternative solutions. Perhaps you
could seek out his or her views on a current project or problem, valuing the different views you
are likely to hear.
Make a list of people who irritate you. Do they represent different views that could lead to
synergy if you had greater intrinsic security and valued the differences.
Identify a situation in which you desire greater teamwork and synergy. What
conditions would need to exist to support synergy? What can you do to create those conditions.
The next time you have a disagreement or confrontation with someone, attempt to understand
the concerns underlying that person’s position. Address those concerns in a creative and
mutually beneficial way.

Habit No 7: Sharpen the Saw

To be effective, we must devote the time to renewing ourselves physically, spiritually, mentally,
and socially. Continuous renewal allows us to synergistically increase our ability to practice
each habit.

Habit 7 is focused around renewal, or taking time to “sharpen the saw.” It surrounds all of the
other habits and makes each one possible by preserving and enhancing your greatest asset —
yourself.

There are four dimensions of our nature – physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional, and
each must be exercised regularly, and in balanced ways:

Physical Dimension: The goal of continuous physical improvement is to exercise our body in a
way that will enhance our capacity to work, adapt, and enjoy.

To renew ourselves physically, we must:

Eat well, Get sufficient rest and relaxation.
Exercise on a regular basis to build endurance, flexibility, and strength.
Focusing on the physical dimension helps develop Habit 1 muscles of proactivity. We act based
on the value of well-being instead of reacting to the forces that keep us from fitness.
Spiritual Dimension: The goal of renewing our spiritual self is to provide leadership to our life
and reinforce your commitment to our value system.
To renew yourself spiritually, you can:
Practice daily meditation
Communicate with nature
Immerse yourself in great literature or music
A focus on our spiritual dimension helps us practice Habit 2, as we continuously revise and
commit ourselves to our values, so we can begin with the end in mind.
Mental Dimension: The goal of renewing our mental health is to continue expanding our mind.
To renew yourself mentally, you can:
Read good literature
Keep a journal of your thoughts, experiences, and insights
Limit television watching to only those programs that enrich your life and mind
Focusing on our mental dimension helps us practice Habit 3 by managing ourselves effectively
to maximize the use of our time and resources.
Social/Emotional Dimension: The goal of renewing ourselves socially is to develop meaningful
relationships.
To renew yourself emotionally, you can:
Seek to deeply understand other people
Make contributions to meaningful projects that improve the lives of others
Maintain an Abundance Mentality, and seek to help others find success
Renewing our social and emotional dimension helps us practice Habits 4, 5, and 6 by
recognizing that Win-Win solutions do exist, seeking to understand others, and finding mutually
beneficial third alternatives through synergy.
*****
“Not a day goes by that we can’t at least serve one other human being by making deposits of
unconditional love.” -Stephen Covey
*****
As we focus on renewing ourselves along these four dimensions, we must also seek to be a
positive scripter for other people. We must look to inspire others to a higher path by showing
them we believe in them, by listening to them empathically, by encouraging them to be
proactive.

*****
“The more we see people in terms of their unseen potential, the more we can use our
imagination rather than our memory.” -Stephen Covey
*****
The real beauty of the 7 Habits is that improvement in one habit synergistically increases our
ability to improve the rest.

Renewal is the process that empowers us to move along an upward spiral of growth and change,
of continuous improvement.

Practice Success Habit 7:

Make a list of activities that would help you keep in good physical shape, that would fit your
life-style and that you could enjoy over time.
Select one of the activities and list it as a goal in your personal role area for the coming week.
At the end of the week evaluate your performance. If you didn’t make your goal, was it because
you subordinated it to a genuinely higher value? Or did you fail to act with integrity to your
values.
Make a similar list of renewing activities in your spiritual and mental dimensions. In your
social-emotional area, list relationships you would like to improve or specific circumstances in
which Public Victory would bring greater effectiveness. Select one item in each area to list as a
goal for the week. Implement and evaluate.
Commit to write down specific “sharpen the saw” activities in all four dimensions every week,
to do them, and to evaluate your performance and results.
“The key is in not spending time, but in investing it.” – Stephen R. Covey
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