My Struggle With Timidity

‘’No matter how brilliant, intelligent or talented you are, if you are too timid, you will miss out on
many opportunities that could better your life. The floor belongs to the bold.’’

I wrote the above on my Facebook status last year, and it garnered hundreds of reactions and
comments from people who were struggling with timidity. I posted the same a week ago, and
over five hundred people acknowledged it.

Apparently, a lot of people are timid, and they hate it. As requested, I decided to share my
timidity story and how I’ve been able to manage it.

Timidity is simply shyness, and shyness is the fear of social interactions.

Growing up, I thought I was the shyest person on the planet. It was so bad that entering a room
with a minimum of two people got my heart pounding against my chest.
As a teenager, I couldn’t make eye contact with people when talking with them. I preferred
staying indoors to read and write to going out and meeting people.
Timidity hindered me from answering questions in class, even when I was 100% sure of the
answer (this continued until my university days, although not as severe as before).

The truth is, not many people knew this about me.

I didn’t like the way I was. I envied my peers who were so outspoken and acted like they had no
care in the world. I wondered why I just couldn’t be like them. I was (I still am, lol) a brilliant girl,
but timidity was ruining me.
So I decided to work on myself (I’m still working on myself). I have greatly improved. I engage in
some stuff now that no one would ever believe that I was that girl who couldn’t make eye
contact when talking with others.

Before I share tips on how I managed timidity, it’s important to understand some causes of the
monster. Yes, timidity is a monster. Anything that prevents you from maximizing your full
potential is a monster.
Causes of Timidity
There are many causes of timidity, but I’ll share five basic ones with you.

#1 Heredity

Nature partially determines our personality, that is, genetics. So, timidity can be an inherited
gene, and this explains why some children are naturally outspoken while some are reserved.

This is not anyone’s fault, as we don’t get to choose our genes.

I think for me, timidity was basically genetic. I grew up knowing I was shy. But the good news is
that it’s not unchangeable.

#2 Environment

Nurture is another factor that determines a person’s personality.

Remember the nature-nurture controversy? Yeah.

It refers to the environment of exposure, and it includes the family, school, and peer group.

A child who grows up in a family where the children’s opinions are respected and are allowed to
express themselves is not likely to be as shy as a child who grows up in an inhibiting
environment.

Planning group projects and group activities in school and encouraging students to be
expressive will improve students’ social interaction.

#3 Fear of Failure

Excessive fear of failure and fear of not doing things right also leads to timidity.

Shy people are usually obsessed with the fear of saying the wrong thing, giving the wrong
answer to a question, tripping while walking, forgetting their lines in a speech, laughing
inappropriately in public or doing anything socially awkward that may lead to embarrassment.

They tend to avoid social situations because of this.

#4 Excessive self-consciousness

While a healthy dose of self-consciousness is crucial in social interactions, too much of it can
lead to timidity.

Shy people are self-absorbed; they think that they are the object of everyone’s analysis, so they
become so conscious of themselves, what they say and what they do.

#5 Lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem

This is another major cause of timidity. If you don’t have confidence in yourself/your abilities or
you think low of yourself, maybe because of your unpleasant pasts, past failures, poverty,
abuse, you may become timid and fearful of human interactions.

So how did I manage to deal with this limiting monster?

How I Overcame Shyness
#1 I wasn’t happy with my situation

I wanted to be better, and this is the first step to experiencing a change in any unpleasant
situation you find yourself.

The desire for improvement gives you the motivation you need to take some other actions. You
cannot experience a change in your comfort zone.

#2 Don’t expect a drastic change or a total personality transformation

Variety is the spice of life. Everyone cannot be sociable and outspoken. However, if shyness is
robbing you of scarce life opportunities and meaningful relationships, then it’s a problem for you.

It’d shock you that many celebrities are shy in real life, but this doesn’t stop them from fulfilling
their potentials, and that is the purpose of this article.

I’m still my introverted self. I’m more of a listener than a talker, except I’m teaching. Too much
talk bores me. I’m probably not the type of person that would stand up to talk in a hall of a
thousand people, but I’m no longer that girl that would shy away from meeting people, no matter
how many they are.

There are still some gatherings that I can stand up to address, and timidity is not stopping me
from putting some of my abilities to use. I wrote ‘some’ because I have some potentials that
require a great deal of boldness to utilize. And I’m working on that.

#3 Engage in activities that will threaten your shyness

I wish I could tell you that boldness will fall on you while you wish for it or while you remain a
couch potato, but life is not a fairy tale.

Taking up responsibilities that will push your timidity into oblivion is probably the most important
step in overcoming timidity.

Courage is not the absence of fear but doing what you have to do regardless of the fears and
barriers you may encounter. Courage is doing it afraid! If you want to feel bold before you do
what you have to do, then you won’t ever get anything done.

I’ve always loved Bible study, so I joined Bible study unit in the fellowship in nursing school. The
first Sunday I was to teach, my heart almost ripped in fear. I was tempted to run out or wished
that mother earth would be kind enough to open up and swallow me and save me from the
impending embarrassment. But I did it. I did it so well. A year and some months later, I became
the head of that same department.

During my undergraduate days, I took my presentations seriously and would even volunteer to
be the speaker during group presentations. During one of such times, a lecturer mentioned me
as one of the two best presenters. Currently, I teach in church and also recently joined the choir,
even though I tell myself I can’t sing. Lol.

I encourage you to take up responsibilities that will shrink your timidity. With practice, shyness
would become a thing of the past in your life.

#4 Use the social media to your advantage

I’m very active on Facebook where I share my thoughts. I used to be so concerned about what
people would say, so I shied away from writing on some topics.

But now, I write boldly on any topic I like until people called me ‘controversial’.

I’m not controversial. I only write what many want to share but don’t have the needed guts.

So, having a voice online has helped to build my confidence. A lot of people share with me how
I inspire them and how they look forward to meeting me in real life. I wouldn’t want to disappoint
them by being timid.

Use the social media to boost your confidence. You can start by sharing your opinions in the
comment section on people’s posts. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts. Stop hiding and
claiming you are learning. Add your input. Stop being a monitoring spirit.
#5 Associate with people who encourage you to come out of your shell

The company you keep matters a lot. If you associate with people who are outspoken and are
not scared to air their opinions, you’ll find yourself becoming like them.

Most of my intimate friends are extrovert, and I’ve learnt to be talkative with them.

#6 Take care of your looks

There’s a positive relationship between beauty and confidence. When you know you are
beautiful, it’s easy to walk with your shoulders high. Ugly people suffer from low self-esteem.

Your physical appearance is what you make of it. If you don’t work on your looks, you won’t look
good.

In this era of makeup, ugliness is a sin. Get yourself some good skin products. Get affordable
makeup and wear nice hairstyles that suit you.

If you are a man, wear the haircut that suits you. Dress smart and eat good food. Use
deodorants. Wear neat clothes. You don’t need to break a bank to look good. You only need to
be creative.

#7 Discover yourself, your passion and your talents

Knowing that you have something meaningful that can benefit others instills confidence in you
and pushes you out there. Don’t allow timidity kill your potentials.

overcoming timidity

#8 Be good at what you do

In fact, be excellent at what you do. Be a god at what you do.

Excellence gives you boldness. You’d rarely be timid doing what you know how to do best. You
are likely to be scared of failure if you are an amateur.

Also, whenever you are called to do anything, maybe to give a talk, teach others, give a
presentation, PREPARE well. Ill preparation will only set you up for embarrassment.

If you are suffering from timidity, I hope you’ll apply these tips that worked for me and start your
journey to being confident.