Dear self,

It’s me, you.

I have been writing on my journal and to other people who are

significant in my life, but I realised I have never ever written one
to myself.

How have you been? You and I have been on quite a journey the
past few years. We have hugged our knees, cried for hours till the
tears dried, the throat hurt and the nose blocked, yet we continued
crying. We have sat there on the shower floor, just in daze at that
stormy situation that surrounded us. We have drank so much
alcohol to numb that pain. That heart wrenching pain is real.

You and I, we also pushed ourselves to do different more things.

Completing many more runs, cycles, getting out of the comfort
zone, adapting to being alone. We did some extreme sports
together, went on hikes, embraced the nature, watched the sunset
together.

I have seen you have everything you probably wanted.

I have also seen you losing it all, suddenly and perhaps in a cruel
way.

Life is not a straight line, there are ups and downs. It is a series of
twists and turns, hills and valleys, with both smooth-sailing and
rough seas.
I am sorry for all those times where I wanted to tear you apart. I
am sorry for all the times I let you hang your head down low, for
all the times I let you win, and beat myself up because of those
insecurities. I was not strong enough to encourage, support and
appreciate you.

I know life has been tough for you the past few years but you have
done quite a good job to stay alive. I have seen you plummet to the
state of despair and depress. Thank you for not giving up. You
know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through.

It is said that trials and calamities/ hardships are the

greatest blessings and lessons in disguise. These
hardships force us into a new and better versions of us.

For a long time, you were lost. You were broken having to make
multiple decisions which were much against your belief and will.
How did forever becomes never, you wonder? Hush hush, it is
okay now, take some time to forgive yourself.

You are a lot stronger than you realised. I know there were many
moments of pain and self-doubt but you got through all of it. Like
a phoenix, you have emerged from the ashes to start a new life.
You are a survivor. You have overcome those obstacles.

Have you noticed lately how much you have changed? I did. You
have improved much more. You are now much confident to speak
up on things on your mind and rise up to challenges. You are now
able to sleep soundly without crying or alcohol, have fun at night
without feeling any pain, travel alone by yourself for holidays, and
enjoy the time being alone. You selflessly contribute your time,
efforts and (the little sum you have left) money to help others who
are much more in need than you. Even though your wallet feels a
lot lighter and poorer, your soul is much more happier and
lighter. This change is beautiful. I am glad to see a fresh
you. Bring out that confidence and beauty in yourself.
Keep it going throughout your life.

As I am writing this letter, you have not fully figured out how your
life will be yet. Let’s make a pact. Come back to re-read this letter 3
years later, and update me how you are doing. I truly hope that by
that time, you have found your happiness and that you have
followed a path that you are proud of.

Remember, behind those dark clouds, the sun is still

shining.

You have got through this far. Continue to be strong. Do not stop
loving. Do not stop caring.

You are always loved, by me.

Above all else, be true to yourself.

Love you,
Me

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Summer is the author behind SummerPassport. She likes to

travel, cook, and explore new things.