I 've been a member of the Ottawa Lions Track and Field club since the age of 15.

Ken
Porter was one of my first coaches at the club. I trained with him, specializing in the 400m and
400m hurdles, from the summer of 2011 to the the spring of 2013. After my first year of
university, I started training with Andy McInnis and began specializing in the 800m. I trained with
him from the spring of 2013 to the spring of 2016.

Ken had a very positive impact on my self-confidence as a runner. He and Dan, his
assistant coach at the time, were the first people to ever tell me they saw me going far in this
sport; they believed in my potential, and they wanted to help me reach it. I had multiple
successes on the track in the last year of my high school career, and I felt incredibly grateful for
Dan and Ken, for their guidance and encouragement.

I distinctly remember that in the summer of 2012, Dan displayed behaviours that made
me, along with one of my training partners at the time, feel very uncomfortable. Behaviours
included: massages, comparing the bodies of female athletes, inappropriate inquiries about
athletes’ sex lives under the guise that ‘as your coach, it’s my business to know,’ inappropriate
questions (including, ‘do you know where your g-spot is?’), and supposedly funny comments
about the idea of myself and another training partner engaging in a lesbian relationship. It got to
the point where I, someone who has never had a problem training in a sports bra or racing in
running briefs, was too uncomfortable to train in spandex at the track. Despite this, I didn’t go to
anyone with my concerns, other than my training partner (she was 16 at the time). I simply let
my discomfort fester, while trying to ignore it.

That summer, that same training partner approached me: “Dan said he’s writing a book
that includes you and [name of other training other partner] being in a lesbian relationship. He
told me not to tell you though, because he said you would take it the wrong way.” I didn’t know
what to do, but I knew I couldn’t keep putting up with this type of behaviour. I confronted Dan,
letting him know that I was angry at him for what he had said. He warned me: “don’t shit where
you eat, young lady.” I decided to reach out to three older athletes who had trained with Ken
and Dan. I told them everything that was going on and the three of them strongly urged me to
reach out to the board. Two of the athletes said they, too would reach out to the board on
account of Dan’s behaviour. I didn’t know exactly who on the board to reach out to, but I knew
the two men who held the most power in the club. Hesitantly, through tears, I composed an e-
mail to Andy and Ken, explaining what was happening. Their response: it wasn’t Dan’s fault that
he had no filter – he was ill and his behaviour wasn’t entirely in his control. The solution: I would
remain in Ken and Dan’s group, but Dan wouldn’t talk to me or coach me. As you can imagine,
this made for an incredibly awkward next 8 months of training. It was never spoken about again.

Through this, I wondered why Ken hadn’t spoken up; he had witnessed Dan’s behaviour
on a weekly basis. I wondered why the board didn’t do more. I wondered if I was being dramatic,
overly-sensitive, and cruel to a man who was ill and whose ‘behaviour wasn’t entirely in his
control.’ I felt ashamed for speaking up. I felt like I had betrayed a club that had done so much
for me in my 3 years as a track athlete. I became very depressed at the end of that year and I was
hospitalized for four days. I cannot say that my negative experiences at the track fully accounted
for my depression, however, I can assure you, they played a large role in it, and they certainly did
nothing to alleviate it.

A side note: after I left Dan and Ken in 2013 – not on the best of terms – I didn’t interact with
either coach for over a year. By 2016, I heard that other athletes had gone forward with
complaints against Dan, not dissimilar to mine. I stopped seeing him at the track shortly after,
but never heard what actually happened.

2012-2013 was a very low point for me. The light at the end of the tunnel came into
view when, in 2013, Andy approached me during a competition tour and said words that were
not unfamiliar to me: he saw me going far in this sport; he believed in my potential, and he
wanted to help me reach it. The only catch: he wanted me to specialize the 800m instead of the
400m. Hesitant about doubling my distance, I was quick to say yes, nonetheless. Andy was a
renowned coach and his group at the time was quite exclusive. I was honored that he noticed
me.

My first two years (2013-2015) training with Andy were two of the best years I’ve had in
my track and field career so far. I got invited to training camps in Hawaii and Florida, I took 11
seconds off my 800m time, I hit senior national standard, I broke multiple uOttawa records, and I
won an individual medal at the CIS (USports) Championships. Above all, I had Andy’s attention
and respect, things that were not earned easily. By the end of my summer season of 2015, I was
on a high.

In my indoor 2015-2016 season, everything came crashing down. It seemed the faster I
got, the worse the harassment became. Body-shaming, nicknames, pinching, massages (I never
knew coaches were not supposed to massage their athletes), comparing my body to the bodies
of other female athletes, and a recommended diet of ‘zero carbs, air sandwiches,’ and ‘a bit of
bulimia wouldn’t hurt you.’ When Andy started displaying similar, if not the same, types of
behaviour that Dan had, I concluded that I was right: it was my fault. I must have been asking for
it. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that two of my coaches treated me this way; it must have
been me.

Looking back, I am ashamed at how many times I laughed it off when I should have
spoken up. I am ashamed that, when various teammates approached me with concerns about
Andy's behaviour towards themselves and others, I told them they simply needed to toughen
up. I am ashamed, but this is how the culture of the club taught me to respond.

What hurts me the most, to this day, is the detrimental effect this harassment in 2015-
2016 had on my running. I stopped performing well consistently, and the few times I did, I
received no praise. I started caring more about looking skinny than running fast. Relationships
with friends and teammates were hindered because I was angry and jealous; I didn’t understand
why Andy wasn’t pinching them every day. I didn’t understand why they got praise for running
slower times than me. For the first time ever, I failed to finish a race. I failed to qualify for the CIS
Championships. Above all, I no longer enjoyed my training sessions; often, I dreaded them
because they were synonymous with harassment.

In the spring of 2016, I quit track very briefly. I chose to return, after much
consideration, to start fresh with a new coach. I told Andy, "You did and said harsh things to me
that you thought would mke me stronger, but in the end, they broke me." He chuckled.

That fall, I was approached by a former member of the Ottawa Lions who asked if I had
any concerns about any of the Ottawa Lions coaches. Yes, I did. I discussed my experiences of
harassment with an investigator: the blunt body-shaming, coaches discussing athletes’ sex lives,
the pinching, and ultimately, the culture this created that so cruelly pits girls against one another
in a sport that is competitive and unforgiving enough as it is. When the investigator asked me
what solution I wanted to come from this, I said something along the lines of: "I want him to
understand the detrimental effects of his words and actions. I want the culture of the club to
change, and that's got to start with him."

If you’ve read or even skimmed the Athletics Canada report, then you’ll understand
what I’m referring to when I say that the harassment was frequent and accepted, and that a
culture of silence was encouraged. I learned through my experiences that speaking up only faults
the ‘victim’ (I don’t like referring to myself as a victim, but it is an appropriate word for a coach-
athlete relationship in which the coach abuses his/her power over an athlete). I learned that in
speaking up, I was being difficult and overly-sensitive. I learned that in speaking up, I was causing
unnecessary problems for the club that prides itself on being the best in the country.

When the allegations against Ken came out earlier this year, I was shocked. Although my
coach-athlete relationship with him hadn’t ended on very good terms, over the years, our
relationship mended itself and he was an avid supporter of my running. However kind he was to
me, though, I never forgot the way he essentially ignored my concerns about Dan’s behaviour.
Through reading the Athletics Canada report, I feel like I am connecting the dots. And it’s
devastating.

The club that has played such an important role in shaping me as an athlete, creating
lifelong friendships, and building my overall confidence, has tarnished its own name and the
names of so many of its members. I feel that we have all, in some way or another, become
desensitized to the emotional and social impacts of years of body-shaming, favouritism, and
silence.

It is such a shame to see what has come of the talent, intelligence, and hard work of
Andy and Ken. That they have both been expelled, however, is entirely justified; talent,
intelligence and hard work do not justify the harassment or assault of vulnerable athletes.
Period.

Unfortunately, based on my experiences through my 9 years with the club, I believe that
an outcome like this was on the horizon. I believe change could have been made when I spoke
up in 2012. I believe change could have been made when others spoke up in 2016, 2018, and
2019. And perhaps change could have been made in the decades before I was a track and field
athlete, when instead of listening to athletes, the powers at the top turned a blind eye and
encouraged silence.

I spoke up in 2016 so that a decade from now, when a 15 year old girl falls in love with
track and field, she will not be asked by a coach if she knows where her g-spot is. She will not
have her stomach, thighs, and arms pinched by her coach at practice. She will not be told to
consider bulimia. I spoke up so that, should she ever feel the need to speak up, she will be
heard. And she will be understood.

For the past three years, I have been training with a coach and teammates who respect,
encourage, and motivate me as a person, both on and off the track. I like to think that this track
and field club can go on, but in my opinion, it will require extensive change. Removing the
toxicity of those in power is a big first step in changing the damaged culture of the Ottawa Lions.
I believe there are still many amazing athletes, coaches, and staff who want to be a part of a
happy, healthy, and encouraging training environment. I hope to be able to again wear the
singlet of an Ottawa track and field club that I am proud to be a member of.