Archive for the ‘Bully’ Category

4 Types of Difficult People and How to Deal

With Them
Monday, October 29th, 2018

We all have difficult people in our life who drives us nuts! And they are exhausting, frustrating
and annoying—but I have some ways to help you deal with difficult people.

Here are some ideas for how you can handle the difficult person in your life:

1. Identify the 4 Types

There are 4 different types of difficult people. Think about the person in your life and figure out
which category they are in:
  Downers are also known as Negative Nancy’s or Debbie Downers. They always have
something bad to say. They complain, critique and judge. They are almost impossible to
please.
 Better Thans are also known as Know It All’s, One Upper’s or Show-Offs. They like to
try to impress you, name-drop and compare.
 Passives are also known as Push-Overs, Yes Men and Weaklings. They don’t contribute
much to conversations or people around them and let others do the hard work.
 Tanks are also known as being explosive, a handful or bossy. They want their way and
will do anything to get it.

2. Don’t Try to Change Them

When we meet a difficult person, or if we have one in our family or circle of friends our instinct
is to try to change them. We try to encourage Downers to be more positive, Passives to stand up
for themselves, Tanks to calm down and Better Thans to be more humble. This never works! In
fact, when you try to change someone they tend to resent you, dig in their heels, and get worse.

3. Try to Understand Them

The way to disengage a difficult person is to try to understand where they are coming from. I try
to find their value language. A value language is what someone values most. It is what drives
their decisions. For some people it is money; for others, it is power or knowledge. This not only
helps me understand them, but also helps them relax and become more open minded. For
example, sometimes Tanks just want to explain their opinion. If you let them talk to you, that
might help them not blow up or try to dominate a situation.

4. Don’t Let Them Be Toxic

Some difficult people can be toxic. Toxic people can be passive aggressive, mean or hurtful. So
if you have to deal with them, you can understand where they are coming from and then keep
your distance. Toxic relationships are harmful so you need to create a buffer zone by surrounding
yourself with good friends, seeing them less and if you have to be with them, do it for the
minimum amount of time.

Article by, Vanessa! As appeared on www.scienceofpeople.com

Lead Investigator, Science of People

I’m the author of the national bestselling book Captivate, creator of People School, and human
behavioral investigator in our lab.

Tags: administrative assistant, Bad behavior, Bully, conflict, confrontation, dealing with difficult
people, dealing with negativity, difficult people at work, Help Me Rhonda, Quick Tips, work
fights
Posted in Bully, Confrontation Skills, Difficult People at Home, Difficult People at Work

How to Deal with Difficult People

Friday, October 19th, 2018

by Hadassah Silberstein
MyLife Essay Contest

The sound of her unnecessarily aggressive chewing drives you crazy. You cringe every time he
opens his mouth. You cannot remain in one room with her for too long before you get irritated.
More often than not, your conversations with him turn into arguments. When you aren’t with her,
you find every opportunity to complain about her annoying habits. You dismiss the qualities that
other people seem to admire about him, since to you his virtues seem insincere or unimpressive.
This person may be your parent, sibling, spouse, roommate, coworker or friend. We all have at
least one of them in our lives.
Tension in our close relationships can put a huge strain on our mental and emotional well-
being. Thousands of books have been written on the topic and there is hardly a human being
who doesn’t wonder how they can make the difficult relationships in their lives just a little bit
better. In this essay, we will discuss some of the classic tips and techniques explored in popular
self-help books (specifically How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie) and
contrast it with the unique approach taken by the fourth Lubavitcher Rebbe (known as the Rebbe
Rashab), in his famous essay titled Heichaltzu.

Winning Friends

The first step in the approach that many self-help books take is to study the inherent weaknesses
of the people around you, in order to develop techniques for interacting with them effectively.
One of the most popular books on the subject is Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and
Influence People, a bestseller that has sold over 16 million copies. In his first chapter he presents
the principle that he uses as the basis for his suggested techniques for dealing with difficult
people: “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic.
We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by
pride and vanity”. In other words, as long as we understand that the people around us are
naturally self-centered, irrational and vain, we will be able to get along with them better by
simply feeding into their egotism and selfishness.

Carnegie suggests practical tips such as calling others by their first name, speaking in terms of
the other person’s interests, smiling, making the other person feel important, and admitting that
you are wrong. These are based on the premise that the person you are dealing with is an
attention seeking, unreasonable being who can easily be maneuvered if we use the right
techniques. Although Carnegie does emphasize at various points in the book that when
employing his techniques, they must be ‘sincere’, it is clear that the underlying message of the
book is primarily manipulative. This message is evident in his title “How to Win Friends” and is
expressed most blatantly at the beginning of chapter 3:

“Personally, I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange
reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I didn’t
bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of
the fish and said ‘Wouldn’t you like to have that?’ Why not use the same common sense when
fishing for people?”

Carnegie’s techniques may be useful in persuading people to behave as you please and gaining
superficial popularity. However in addition to being both condescending and manipulative, it
falls short when trying to apply these techniques to improving a close or long-term relationship
in any meaningful way. Employing superficial tricks to manipulate the people around you to
your liking does not have any long lasting impact and certainly does not help you develop
healthy, close connections with them.

Nothing as Practical as a Good Theory

There are many who study the teachings of Chassidus and claim that they are not practical or
relevant to the common person. Chassidus often speaks about esoteric ideas and even the more
psychological parts of it seem to have unrealistic expectations. Rabbi Yoel Kahn, a well-known
scholar and teacher of Chassidus, once addressed the question of the relevance of Chassidus in
the twenty-first century:

“Is the fact that the perimeter of a square is larger than the circumference of the circle inscribed
in it, a concept that only exists within the human experience, or is this part of objective reality?
Obviously, even if there were no humans in the world, the perimeter of the square would still be
larger than the circle. This is a fact that exists regardless of human experience. While it is true
that when a person learns a fact like that, it becomes part of his own knowledge and experience,
nevertheless it remains a fact even without him.

“The same is true in our personal development. For example, when the Rabbis say “Be humble
before every person”, their intention is not just that a person should behave in a humble way in
front of another person. In a certain way, one is truly more “lowly” than the other person. It is
irrelevant whether the person can sense this or not. It is a fact. The instruction to the person is
merely that he meditate on this truth, until his mind reaches the same conclusion, which will then
lead to humble thoughts and behavior.”

We often believe that the best way to remedy a situation is by finding concrete, quantifiable steps
that will get rid of the symptoms. However, these behaviors merely create the illusion of change,
without transforming the person’s underlying perspectives that are at the root of their unhealthy
habits. If we are looking for real internal change, we need to remember that there is nothing as
practical as a good theory. The approach of Chassidus is to expose us to the truth of reality, so
we can shift our perspective on the world and on the people around us. Once we align our
thought pattern with that reality, our behavior changes much more naturally and authentically. In
the words of the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, “Chassidus did not come to make us more
religious, it came to make us wiser.”

Using this approach, we can now look at how Heichaltzu deals with the issue of difficult
relationships. Like in other areas of Chassidus, the Rebbe Rashab describes the objective reality,
in the hopes that this gained perspective will cause the difficulty in the relationship to dissipate
automatically. In contrast to the previous approach, the approach of Chassidus will be about
honest introspection , rather than behavioral manipulation.

Taking up Space

Everything in the physical world takes up space. Some take up physical space, some take up
emotional or conceptual space. When an object takes up space, by definition, nothing else can
stand in its place. The more space an object takes up, the less room there is for anything else.
This is true of both physical and metaphysical space. The first thing we need to become aware of
when dealing with other people is that by virtue of the fact that we exist, we take up space. The
more space we create for our own existence, the less space we leave for the people around us.
The more importance we attribute to our own feelings, thoughts, opinions and preferences, the
less room there is for someone else to express theirs. The previous Lubavitcher Rebbe records a
famous story about a man who complained to the Tzemach Tzedek (3rd Lubavitcher Rebbe),
“Everyone in the Beit Midrash (study hall) is stepping on me!” The Tzemach tzedek replied,
“When you spread yourself across the entire floor of the Beit Midrash, they have nowhere else to
step, except on you.”

The root of our intolerance is the fact that our own ego is suffering from emotional
claustrophobia and cannot tolerate having another person invade its space. In the words of the
Rebbe Rashab, “His opposition to the other person is not due to a specific quality, but due to the
fact the other exists. The other’s existence diminishes his own ego. This then leads him to oppose
the other and makes him incapable of tolerating him.” The frustration we have with the people
around us doesn’t start from the negative qualities or habits we attribute to them. Those are all
justifications we invent once the other person’s presence poses a threat to our own. We then
develop defense mechanisms to “protect our space”. Arbitrary mannerisms or habits begin to
annoy us, we dismiss any positive qualities the person has, we feel the need to disagree with that
person on every issue that arises, we magnify any fault the person has and complain about them
to others, we blame the person for anything that goes wrong, we secretly mourn their successes
and celebrate their failures. Some of these habits might sound immediately familiar, while others
may require some introspection, but all are symptoms of the same core issue.

Identifying these feelings and habits and recognizing where they are coming from will naturally
begin to shift the dynamic in our relationships. We’ll start to realize that perhaps it’s not that the
people are difficult, but that we have difficulty with people. Instead of placing all our
expectations on the people around to bend around our opinions and preferences in order to make
the relationship work, we can instead turn inward and look to change our own mind frame. This
doesn’t mean simply adopting new behaviors or repeating a mantra in our heads. Rather, it is
about facing the truth about ourselves and how our inflated sense of self breeds the negative
emotions we suffer from.

Putting Theory Into Practice

Applying this approach to our relationships takes honest introspection which will naturally lead
to a gradual shift in our thought patterns, and eventually our speech and behavior. Next time we
are dealing with a difficult person in our lives, we may consider the message of Heichaltzu and
ask ourselves:

 What makes my feelings or opinions more valid than the other person’s?
 Are my frustrations with the other person a reflection of objective reality?
 Can I recognize and respect the other person’s positive qualities?
 Am I blaming the other person for things that are not their fault?
 Can I allow the other person to be different than me and still respect them for it?
 Can I put aside my own feelings or opinions in order to make space for the other
person’s?
 Can I rejoice in the other person’s success?
 Can I mourn the other person’s failure?
 How is my ego blocking me from connecting to the other person?
As appeared on www.meaningfullife.com

Tags: administrative assistant, Bad behavior, Bully, conflict, confrontation, dealing with difficult
people, dealing with negativity, difficult people at work, Help Me Rhonda, inconsiderate people,
Keeping cool, work fights
Posted in Bully, Confrontation Skills, Difficult People at Home, Difficult People at Work, How
to Deal with Anger

Dealing with conflict in the workplace

Friday, October 12th, 2018

People want leadership roles for a variety of reasons, but the opportunity to manage
conflicts is rarely at the top of anyone’s list. It’s a skill that many have a hard time mastering —
and let’s face it, avoiding conflict tends to be the first inclination for most of us.

Workplace conflicts can emerge in any number of forms, but there are some general, garden-
variety types that I see on a repeated basis: conflicts with the boss, conflicts with peers and
conflicts among a manager’s direct reports or teammates.

In all of these cases, leaders need to consider two basic questions. How important is the issue?
And, how important is this relationship? Your answers will determine whether to let it slide or
try to resolve it. Let’s explore each type.

Conflict with the boss

I have encountered a lot of people who have conflicts with those in more senior positions,
sometimes because their boss isn’t doing enough to support the team or is doing too much
micromanaging.

The relationship with your boss is obviously important for getting work done and for getting
ahead. As a result, you should invest the time needed to resolve the conflict. The key question
then becomes: What’s my role in the conflict, and what can I do to improve the situation?

While it’s easy (and maybe legitimate) to blame your boss, this unfortunately isn’t the most
productive option. If you actually want things to get better, you’ll need a different approach.
Schedule a conversation or a lunch so you can understand your boss’s goals and motivations,
express your concerns and explore ways to work better together. Getting insight into your boss’s
reasoning and outlook may spark ideas about new techniques for handling the situation.

Plus, the conversation will send a clear signal that you’re interested in building a better bond and
resolving the tension that exists. Finally, make it clear that you are quite willing to carry out any
directions being given (assuming they are not immoral or unethical), but that you would first like
to suggest a better way that can be helpful.
Conflict with a peer

In today’s working world, very little happens in isolation. You inevitably rely on others to get
things done. For better and worse, however, we don’t all operate in the same ways and so
conflict is inevitable.

One of the best strategies I’ve heard for resolving conflicts with a peer comes from Solly
Thomas, a coach in some of the Partnership for Public Service’s leadership programs. Thomas, a
former government executive, suggests identifying a colleague who has an effective working
relationship with the peer who is giving you problems.

Make clear to the other colleague that your goal is to resolve the conflict and get work done, then
tap into his or her knowledge of the other person for tips in getting along. Try out the advice, and
perhaps also tactfully attempt to break the tension by talking with your colleague about
possible middle ground.

Conflicts among direct reports or teammates

Leaders at nearly every level have been the uncomfortable witnesses to conflicts among
teammates. Your choices are basically to look away or jump into the fray.

If the conflict is with people you supervise, and you know they are not going to react well,
avoiding the conflict is tempting but ineffective. One of my colleagues recounted a situation in a
former office when — after spending too much time avoiding a confrontation with a subordinate
who had a history of causing disruption — he decided to have the difficult conversation with her.
He made sure to focus solely on the job-related behaviors and not infer motivation. Still,
she became irate and cursed at him before storming out of his office. However, the next day she
gave him a letter of resignation. Conflict resolved.

As a leader, you want to allow for a certain amount of creative tension, but the moment that
conflict becomes counterproductive, you need to act. While the issues that cause conflict vary in
importance, your relationships to teammates and the relationships among teammates must be
functional if you hope to have a productive environment.

One option is to sit down with employees – separately or together – and make your work-related
outcomes and behavioral expectations clear. Then, treat the employees as adults and ask them to
resolve their differences. Let them know they will be held accountable if they don’t.

Article by, Tom Fox , As appeared in www.washingtonpost.com

Tom Fox, a guest writer for On Leadership, is a vice president at the nonprofit Partnership for
Public Service. He also heads the Partnership’s Center for Government Leadership.

Tags: administrative assistant, Bad behavior, Bully, conflict, confrontation, dealing with difficult
people, dealing with negativity, difficult people at work, negative coworkers, Quick Tips
Posted in Bully, Confrontation Skills, Difficult People at Home, Difficult People at Work, Quick
Tips

Dealing with Difficult People

Friday, October 5th, 2018

Can you recall the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person? Or the last time
someone said something with the intention of hurting you? How did you handle it? What was the
result? What can you do in the future to get through these situations with peace and grace?

No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas,
people who piss us off or people who simply do not like us. There are 6.4 billion people out there
and conflict is a fact of life. This fact isn’t the cause of conflict but it is the trigger to our
emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and
attack back to defend ourselves.

In these instinctual moments, we may lose track of our higher selves and become the human
animal with an urge to protect ourselves when attacked. This too is natural. However, we are the
only animal blessed with intelligence and having the ability to control our responses. So how can
we do that?

I regularly get asked “How do you deal with the negative comments about your articles? They
are brutal. I don’t think I could handle them.” My answer is simple, “I don’t let it bother me to
begin with.” It wasn’t always this simple, and took me some time before overcoming this natural
urgency to protect myself and attack back.
I know it’s not easy, if it was easy, there wouldn’t be difficult or negative people to begin with.

Why Bother Controlling Our Responses?

1. Hurting Ourselves

One of my favorite sayings is “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and
expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to
negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves.

2. It’s Not About You, It’s About Them

I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed
externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It’s not personal, so why do we
take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict. People are often so
bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them.

There have been many times when a random person has left a purposefully hurtful comment
on TSN, and regularly checked back to see if anyone else responded to their comment, waiting
eagerly to respond with more negativity.

3. Battle of the Ego

When we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. However, is it the smart thing
to do? What can be resolved by doing so? The answer: Nothing. It does however feed our ego’s
need for conflict.

Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t
feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes tight, and we start having violent thoughts?

When we do respond irrationally, it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression
into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right?

4. Anger Feeds Anger. Negativity Feeds Negativity.

Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only
trigger anger and an additional reactive response from that person. If we do respond impulsively,
we’ll have invested energy in the defending of ourselves and we’ll feel more psychologically
compelled to defend ourselves going forward.

Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It’s a negative
downward spiral.

5. Waste of Energy
Where attention goes, energy flows. What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only
focus on one thing at a time, energy spent on negativity is energy that could have been spent on
our personal wellbeing.

6. Negativity Spreads

I’ve found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to subtly bleed into other
areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone, we don’t
feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very
good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives,
unnecessarily.

7. Freedom of Speech

People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express how they feel and let it
be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we consider positive can be
perceived by another as negative. When we react, it becomes me-versus-you, who is right?

Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves – it may even be
offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions
and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can
choose conflict.

Article By Tina Su,

As appeared in www.thinksimplenow.com

Tags: administrative assistant, attitude, Bad behavior, Bully, conflict, confrontation, dealing with
difficult people, dealing with negativity, Help Me Rhonda, inconsiderate people, work fights
Posted in Bully, Confrontation Skills, Difficult People at Home, Difficult People at Work

The Art of Dealing With Difficult People

Monday, October 1st, 2018
Seven Ways to Ditch the Drama
Think you’re too spiritual to have someone challenging in your life? Not even that one difficult
person? Perhaps someone in your office, a friend, professional colleague or, most likely, a family
member? Most of us have at least one testing person that keeps us on our toes, or perhaps flat on
the floor! Before you try to minimise and sugarcoat Uncle Bernie’s invasive behaviour, or Jane’s
put-downs, let’s get real, up-close and nakedly honest. Some people are damn difficult. As much
as you’d like to smudge, bless and breathe them out of your aura, people will push your buttons
and rake up your shadow. They will ignite the embers of wounding in the volcano of your past,
sometimes with as little as a throwaway comment.

Let’s face it, the world has difficult people in it, and no doubt sometimes you and I are
problematic too.

As much as we like to say all people are good, kind and loving, unfortunately these good people
often show up as irrevocably trying. There are bullies, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists, and
people who really don’t care about others, the environment or creating a better world. We’ve all
met these types of wounded people. Maybe we’ve even been them at some point.

Truth is, the world is filled with wounded people, some more so than others. And unhappy
people cause problems. We can often find people who are not as evolved as others. There, I said
it! There are genuinely some people who have no problem stepping on others to get where they
want to in life. Or who don’t understand why it’s wrong to get ahead by causing suffering to
other people, the environment, or animals. People who live from a place of extreme
individuation, truly thinking of only themselves.
There are bullies, abusers, narcissists, and people who really don’t care about others.

If you’re human, you’ve been at the receiving end of games, criticism, and no doubt been baited,
reacted and then regretted it afterwards. But, there are ways to eradicate drama from your life
and create greater wellbeing.

The Cycle of Human Relating

The Drama Triangle created by psychiatrist Steven Karpman, is a fantastic resource for
explaining most of our dysfunctional relating. The triangle consists of the archetypes of
persecutor, rescuer and victim. If you’re in one of these spots, you’re fuelling drama in your life.
We have no doubt all been part of this triangle at some point. Interestingly the archetypes move
around the triangle. So the rescuer becomes the persecutor, the victim becomes the persecutor, or
the persecutor becomes the rescuer, and the rescuer the victim. But all three positions feed and
perpetuate each other, creating drama. Participants in a drama triangle create misery for
themselves and others. The only way out of this self-perpetuating craziness, is to step up, be
responsible and an adult in your relating. No small feat sometimes!

So how do we deal with potentially volatile situations and difficult people? We all want to walk
away from a disagreement feeling good about ourselves, and not because we ‘won.’ Perhaps it’s
time to redefine winning. If you can walk away from a difficult encounter with your
dignity, inner calm, hair and clothes intact, you’re doing well.
The Drama Triangle consists of the archetypes of persecutor, rescuer and victim.

The art of dealing with difficult people is really about feeling good about yourself. If you react,
erupt or dump a scathing retort on a difficult person in your orbit, you will no doubt regret it.
You could permanently damage a professional or personal relationship and end up beating
yourself up, riddled with guilt or having to deal with an irrepressibly self-righteous relative or
colleague for the rest of your days. And yes, that applies to the narcissistic boss, helicopter
grandparent, vulture colleague that’s after your job, irrepressible gossip, or brutal ex-partner, and
tormenting in-law. So, best to be dignified, calm and responsive when dealing with difficult
people.

It’s far more powerful, and ultimately healing for all, if you can come from a place of clarity,
power and a clear heart. Yup, be the bigger person. But not from an arrogant, ‘I’m better than
you’ kind of a place. From a genuine desire for your own equanimity and the intention to prevent
creating more problems for yourself and others.

Seven Sacred Tools

Here are seven sacred tools that could save you from escalating conflict and lighting the fires
of anger within yourself and others, when dealing with difficult people and situations. I find they
help me keep things in perspective, and to connect to the great ocean, instead of inhabiting the
ripples on the surface of life.
Bringing a peaceful, empowered, clear presence to a fiery situation can transform it.

1. Keep to your Own Business

You don’t have to fix, change or make everything right. This is not your job, it’s not for you to
do. You are in charge of your own life, have responsibility over how you live and how you show
up, that’s it. Life becomes really simple when you follow this great wisdom teaching by Byron
Katie:

I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. For me, the word
God means ‘reality.’ Reality is God, because it rules. Anything that’s out of my control, your
control, and everyone else’s control–I call that God’s business.

2. Presence

The presence or space you bring to a situation either magnifies the issues, or dilutes them.
Bringing a peaceful, empowered, clear presence to a fiery situation can transform it. Having a
heart uncluttered with hatred, anger and the desire for revenge is your best sacred weapon. This
is why taking each interaction with that difficult person as a training ground for deeper
empowerment, open heartedness and personal growth, is vital. If you’re being curious, open and
aware that you’ve made a sacred contract to engage with life as a playground for being the best
person you can be, and taking each opportunity as one for your greatest development and
healing, the way you respond to situations will be completely new.

3. Focus on What is Real

It’s about realising the difficult person is trapped in a way of being, in belief systems, in hatred,
in grief, in fear. You can help free yourself, and them, by not engaging with the monster of
unexpressed emotion and trauma. Instead, remain connected to your own heart, inner strength
and the spiritual truth, that we are all connected and, at the core, innately good. Training yourself
to stop reacting to other people, and to look within to the charges igniting your reactivity, is the
most effective way of dissolving ego in yourself.

Difficult people are trapped in a way of being, in belief systems, in hatred, in grief, in fear.

4. Having Resilience

This is by no means being naive or weak. It takes great courage and strength to be able to bypass
poor behaviour without taking it personally and to be able to drop judgement and keep an open
heart. Dealing with difficult people does not mean accepting bad behaviour. It means responding
powerfully with strength and courage, and sometimes it means standing up. But we remain
victims when we react to bad behaviour, are overly influenced and impacted by someone else’s
wounding, projections, nastiness, vilification, put-downs and attempts to destabilise us.

5. Clear Boundaries

It’s not spiritual to let people get away with bad behaviour. You can head off much conflict and
drama in your life by having clear boundaries, knowing yourself, walking away when you need
to, not letting people dump on you and having a strong respect and love for yourself. This is not
about putting up with negative behaviour, it’s about transforming its effect on you. You don’t
need to join someone else’s drama party and let them suck you dry because they need attention
or want to dump their negative emotions.
6. Moving Beyond being a Victim

You always have a choice in how you respond to situations. Even in the most severe of places,
Auschwitz, people responded in powerful ways, when they chose to help others, or bring hope to
the most extreme circumstances of the concentration camp. Choice is power. Use it well. Seeing
situations for what they are, with wisdom and clarity, and staying unaffected is truly
the journey from the victim to the powerful one.

It helps to be mindful of the truth of the potential for good, and evil, within each one of us.

7. Being an Extraordinary Human

Living with an intention to have heartfelt interactions, and to spread love and peace in your
wake, is a powerful way to move through the world. When you have the underlying intention in
your life to grow and evolve through whatever life throws at you, you have some power. The
power of choice. This can truly transform any situation you meet with. Creating a mantra as a
guiding light for the way you live your life, and reminding yourself of this agreement you have
with yourself, particularly during conflict, will help you stay on course and ultimately ensure you
have greater happiness.

If you hold grudges and grievances against people, given some time they’ll become part of your
personality. Sometimes we can become addicted to being indignant and angry; it strengthens the
ego and can give the illusion of having power. We’ve all witnessed that person in the restaurant
who complains about every little detail. We don’t want to be that!
Learning how to deal well with conflict and difficult people is a vital life skill that can support
you to be a powerful, conscious and compassionate human being. I think it helps to be mindful
of the truth of the potential for good and evil within each one of us, and to cut yourself and
others a little slack too. We all have bad days, and we all have multiple personalities living inside
our head. Let’s just make sure we let the good ones out, well at least most of the time, and most
certainly when conflict enters our orbit, as it inevitably will.

Article by, Azriel ReShel

As appeared on www.upliftconnect.com

Tags: administrative assistant, Bad behavior, Bully, conflict, confrontation, dealing with difficult
people, difficult people at work, Help Me Rhonda, inconsiderate people, Keeping cool, negative
coworkers, Quick Tips, rude people, work fights
Posted in Bully, Confrontation Skills, Difficult People at Home, Difficult People at Work, How
to Deal with Anger, Quick Tips