Advice To Householders

By

Sri Swami Sivananda

The Ashramas or stages of life are four, viz., Brahmacharya, the stage of
student life; Grihastha, the stage of householder life; Vanaprastha, the stage
of seclusion (forest-living); and Sannyasa, the stage of total renunciation. Each
order of life has its own duties. In none of these stages must a man grasp at the
special duties of the other three. At the present moment, it is difficult to
maintain or observe the exact details of the ancient rules, as the conditions
have changed very much. But, if we can have a clear idea of the fundamental
duties of each, we shall still be able to shape the life through a regulated
course of development and steady growth.

The student, after finishing his studies, enters the order of Grihastha, when he
is ready to take up the duties and responsibilities of household life. Of all
Ashramas, that of the householder is the highest as he verily supports the other
three. As all the streams and rivers flow to rest in the ocean, even so all the
Ashramas flow to rest in the householder. This household life is the field for
developing various virtues such as mercy, love, generosity, patience,
tolerance, purity, prudence, right judgment, etc. It is highly lamentable to
note that the grandeur, solemnity and dignity of this stage of life is not fully
realised these days.

A householder has duties to do towards the society, his neighbours, country,

friends, relations, wife, children and parents. He must serve religious or social
institutions for some hours daily in a disinterested manner with the spirit of
Karma Yoga. This will purify his heart and prepare the Antahkarana for the
descent of divine light.

He must treat his neighbours as his own self. He should share what he has,—
material, mental and spiritual—with others.

He must give good education to his sons and daughters and treat his wife well
as she is his partner in life and religious performances (Ardhangini). Parents are
veritable gods on earth. Therefore he should serve them nicely, and carry out
their behests to their entire satisfaction. He should perform Sraddha (annual
rites to the departed souls) every year and offer Tarpana to his Pitrus or
ancestors.

Every householder should perform the following Yajnas. The fire place, the
water pot, the cutting, grinding and sweeping apparatuses are the five places
where injury to life is committed, daily. The sins committed here are said to be
washed away by the five Maha Yajnas which every Dwija (householder) ought to
perform and which are intended to satisfy the Bhutas, the Rishis, the men, the
gods and the Pitrus. The five great Yajnas (Pancha Maha Yajnas) are: (1) Deva
Yajna: This consists of offering oblations unto Devatas or gods with recitation
of Vedic Mantras; (2) Rishi Yajna: This consists of study of Vedas and teaching
of Vedas to students and offering of oblations to Rishis; (3) Pitru Yajna: It
consists of Tarpana or oblations to departed souls and Sraddha or annual
religious rites performed for departed souls; (4) Bhuta Yajna: This is
distribution of food to cows, crows and animals. This develops cosmic love and
an Advaitic feeling of oneness; and (5) Atithi Yajna: This consists of giving food
to guests and honouring them.

The Pitrus are forefathers who dwell in Pitru-loka. They possess clairvoyance
and clairaudience. Recitation of Mantras exercises tremendous influence
through their vibration. The Pitrus hear the sounds through the power of
clairaudience and they are pleased. They bless those who offer the oblation. In
Sraddha, the essence of food offerings is taken up by sun’s rays to Suryaloka
and the departed souls are pleased with the offerings. Even in the West many
persons perform Tarpana and Sraddha. They have scientifically investigated
into the beneficial effects of such oblations. It is the imperative duty of all
householders to perform Sraddha and Tarpana to please the Rishis and the
Pitrus. It is only the deluded souls with perverted intellects who misconstrue
things and neglect to perform the sacred ceremonies and consequently suffer.

The worldly duties are not ties. The world is the best teacher. You are not
required to renounce the world and take shelter in the Himalayan caves to
claim back your lost divinity. The world cannot stand in the way of your God-
realisation. Live in the world but allow not the world to live in you. He who
living in the midst of temptations of the world attains perfection is the true
hero.

A householder should earn money by honest means and distribute it in the

proper manner. He should spend one-tenth of his income in charity. He should
enjoy sensual pleasures within the limits of the moral law.

Householders have got a very responsible duty in training their children. If they
want to shirk this responsibility, they ought to have checked their itching
sensation caused by lust, and should have stopped procreation by becoming
Naishthika Brahmacharis. Serious punishment is awaiting them in the other
world if they leave their children untrained in this world. They themselves
should lead an ideal life. Then alone their children can copy them. If they have
wrong evil habits, their children will also try to imitate them. Children have
got the power of imitation.

Parents should watch the habits and ways of their children, and take care not
to allow them to join evil company. If they speak lies, they should be punished.
They should not be allowed to utter any slang or obscene words. They should
not be allowed to smoke and chew betels. They should not be allowed to go to
cinemas and read novels.

Parents should give them Sanskrit education. The study of Sanskrit is very
essential. Even girls should be made to study Sanskrit. They should be able to
understand the Gita.

Father and mother are only responsible for the character of their children. If
the parents are irreligious, their children also become irreligious. It is the
onerous duty of the parents to give their children religious training in their
boyhood. They should themselves lead the divine life. When religious
Samskaras are lodged in boyhood, they will strike deep root, blossom and bear
fruit when they attain manhood.

The present-day parents, who are slaves of fashion, teach their children to put
on collar and open-coat and to treat with contempt those who wear simple
clothing. They teach their children fashion instead of sublime mottos such as
‘plain living and high thinking’.

When the householder sees that his sons are able to bear the burden of his
duties, when his grandsons are around him, the time has come for his wife and
himself to retire from the world and spend their time in study and meditation.

Great Rishis of yore were married, but they did not lead the life of passion and
lust. Their life of Grihasthasrama was a life of Dharma only. If it is not possible
for you to emulate them to the very letter, you will have to keep their lives
before you as landmarks, as the ideal for emulating, and you must tread the
path of Truth. Grihasthasrama is not a life of lust and loose living. It is a strict
life of selfless service, of Dharma pure and simple, of charity, goodness,
kindness, self-help, and all that is good and all that is helpful to humanity. If
you can live such a life, the life of a Grihastha is as good as the life of a
Sannyasin.

Married life, if lived in a perfect ideal manner, is no bar to the attainment of

Mukti. A good woman is to man what banks are to the river. She is the rhythm
which leads him to Truth. Her love is God’s grace.

At night, all the members of the house should sit in a circle and do Kirtan for
an hour before the picture of their respective Deities. The servants of the
house also should be included. In the evening, some four people can join
together and read the Bhagavata, the Ramayana, etc. This will give peace of
mind and strengthen the spiritual Samskaras. This will fill the mind with purity
and divine thoughts.
That house is really Vaikuntha where the husband and wife lead an ideal divine
life, singing the Lord’s Name, repeating His Mantra, studying the Ramayana,
Bhagavata, controlling the Indriyas and serving Bhaktas and Sannyasins.
Householders should daily read in the early morning hours, after a cold bath,
some chapters in the Gita, Ramayana, Bhagavata, Upanishads and Yoga
Vasishtha, Vishnu Sahasranama, Lalita Sahasranama, Aditya Hridayam, etc.

Constant repetition of the Names of the Lord (Japa, Smaran) is an easy means
of crossing the ocean of mortal Samsara or earthly existence. This is more
suitable for the householders.

It is quite possible for a man to practise celibacy while remaining in the world,
albeit there are various sorts of temptations and distractions. Many have
achieved this in times of yore. There are many even at the present moment
also. A well-disciplined life, study of religious scriptures, Satsanga, Japa,
Dhyana, Pranayama, Sattvic and moderate food, daily introspection and
enquiry, self-analysis and self-correction, Sadachara, practice of Yama,
Niyama, physical, verbal and mental Tapas in accordance with the teachings of
the Gita will go a long way in the attainment of this end.

Nectar’s sons! Shake off all weaknesses. Stand up. Gird up the loins. Do your
Svadharma satisfactorily in accordance with your caste or stage of life. Evolve
quickly in spirituality. Eternal Bliss, Supreme Peace, Infinite Knowledge can be
had only in God. Practice of Svadharma will surely lead to the attainment of
God-consciousness. There is no happiness in finite objects. The Infinite alone is
Bliss. Understand the truth through the practice of Svadharma. This world is
unreal. It is like a mirage. Senses and mind are deceiving every moment. Wake
up. Open your eyes. Learn to discriminate. Do not trust your Indriyas. They are
your enemies. It is very difficult to get a human birth. Life is short. Time is
fleeting. Those who cling to unreal things of this world are verily committing
suicide. Struggle hard to practise your Svadharma. Keep the ideal before your
eyes always. Have a programme of life. Attempt to realise the ideal. Stick to
your daily spiritual practices with leech-like tenacity. Practise it and realise
Sat-chit-ananda state right now in this very birth.