IBF - INTERNATIONAL BIOCENTRIC FOUNDATION

ESCOLA DE BIODANZA SISTEMA ROLANDO TORO DO ALGARVE

Curso de Formação de Facilitadores de Biodanza

RELATIONSHIPS IN BIODANZA

by

SEBASTIAAN IKELAAR

March / 2019

Monografia apresentada à Escola de Biodanza SRT de Portugal como

requisito parcial para obtenção do título de facilitador de Biodanza.

Orientador: José Neves – Facilitador Didata (IBF reg POR nº 1225),

Co-Director da Escola de Biodanza SRT do Algarve
 Mesa de Validação:

Irene Franco

(Facilitadora Didata POR nº 1018, Co-Diretora da Escola de Biodanza

Sistema Rolando Toro do Algarve)

Antonio Sarpe

(Facilitador Didata SP nº 8515, Diretor da Escola de Biodanza Sistema

Rolando Toro de Portugal)

José Neves

(Facilitador Didata Por nº 1225, Co-Diretor da Escola de Biodanza

Sistema Rolando Toro do Algarve)

___________________________________________________________

International Biocentric Foundation

Monografia validada

em _______ de ________________________ de ____________

"The most subversive of all disciplines is that which is based on

respect for life, the joy of living, the right to love and contact.

From our meditation derives a technique that consists of

stimulating, creating and developing life in others,

which generates life in us.

People are our most powerful environment, the ecological

couple, the ecological family and the ecological community are

expressions of the Biocentric principle”

Rolando Toro Araneda - Founder of Biodanza

AGRADECIMENTOS

ABSTRACT

RESUMO

INTRODUÇÃO

CHAPTER 1 - RELATIONSHIPS

1.1) Definition of a relationship

1.1.1) According to the dictionary

1.1.2) According to Martin Buber

1.2) Some kinds of relationships

1.2.1) I-It and the I-You

1.2.2) The platonic relationship
1.2.3) The intimate relationship

1.3) Choice of Partner – Decision or Preference?

1.3.1) Fetish and Amnios

1.3.2) The Unconscious Mind and Romantic Attraction
CHAPTER 2 - BIODANZA AND RELATIONSHIPS

2.1) Exclusive love and loving the world

2.2) Dances…together or with others?

2.3) The couple and the group

2.4) The ecological couple

2.5) Communication in a couple

2.6) Safety and Freedom; Tradition and Betrayal

(A Alma Immoral, Nilton Bonder)

2.7) Moral hangover

2.8) The one dance relationship, the deep connection with the
other just in one dance

2.9) How Biodanza improves our relationship skills through the

dance

CHAPTER 3 - PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

3.1) Personal experiences (129 Biodanzantes)

The results of a questionnaire to students

3.2) Personal experiences (24 facilitators)

The results of a questionnaire to facilitators

CONCLUSION
AGRADECIMENTOS (acknowledgments)

I would like to thank each and everyone who took the time to talk
with me about their experiences, filled out the questionnaires and
through their relationship helped me on my way with writing this
monography.

My parents, for all their support, love, help and

because through their relationship I exist.

Lisa, Thomas and Rosa for being wonderful kids.

And in alphabetical order:

Antonio Sarpe, who showed me the way to walk, dance and fly.

Carla Lopes, dear friend, co-facilitator, together we have grown in

Biodanza.

Claudia, Lover, dearest friend and Eros in all its forms.

Irene Franco, friend, inspiration and proof of the ecological couple

in Biodanza.

José Neves, friend, supervisor and coordinator without whom this

work would never have been fished.

Nuno Pinto, friend, teacher and my introduction to Biodanza.

Rolando Toro Araneda, who through his beautiful creation made

me life and enjoy live.

All the couples in my groups, who selflessness formed to be part

of this work.

All my students, colleagues and friends in- and outside of Biodanza.

ABSTRACT

In this monograph I intend to give some more insight into the

relationships in Biodanza and how Biodanza has an influence on
those relationships.
It is also a contribution to formulate an answer to the questions:
- How to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner within
Biodanza?
- And for the facilitators/didactics, what to do, or not to do, when
there are couples in your group?

RESUMO

Nesta monografia tenciono trazer um pouco mais de discernimento

nas relações em Biodanza e como a Biodanza tem influência sobre
essas relações.
É também um contributo para a formulação de uma resposta para
as perguntas:
- Como manter um relacionamento saudável com seu parceiro
dentro da Biodanza?
- E para os facilitadores/didatas, o que fazer, ou não fazer,
quando há casais em seu grupo?
INTRODUCTION

With this monography I intend to give a deeper knowledge of the

dynamics resulting from having couples on a Biodanza group.
How does it impact each of the persons of the couple, the couple
itself, the other elements of the group and the facilitator.
What impact Biodanza has on the relationships of people where
only one of the partners is practicing Biodanza.
By experiencing relationships with practicing Biodanza myself,
I became interested in how others experience being in a
relationship within Biodanza.
From the viewpoint of the facilitator it is very interesting to know
how other facilitators experience the relationships between
students, and/or themselves.
 CHAPTER I

RELATIONSHIPS

1.1 Definition of a relationship

1.1.1) According to the dictionary:

Relationship
noun
re·la·tion·ship | \ri-ˈlā-shən-ˌship

Definition of relationship

1 : the state of being related or interrelated studied the

relationship between the variables
2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a
relationship: such as
a : kinship
b : a specific instance or type of kinship
3a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations
or dealings “had a good relationship with his family”
b : a romantic or passionate attachment

1.1.2) According to Martin Buber:

According to Martin Buber (1) in his work I and Thou,

there are two kinds of relationships the I-It,
which is experience based and the I-You,
which is based on encounter.

(1) Martin Buber, Austrian-born Israeli Jewish philosopher, 1878 –1965

1.2 Some kinds of relationships

1.2.1) I-It and the I-You

The fundamental concept that underlies Martin Buber's

entire work, I and Thou is the distinction between the two
ways of engaging the world.
The first of these, which Buber calls "experience" (the mode
of 'I–it'), will be familiar to all of us, because it is the mode
that modern Man (“Man” used here not as a gender but as
a representation of all humans) almost exclusively uses.
In Experience, people collect data, analyses it, classify it,
and theorizes about it.
The object of experience (the It) is seen as something to be
used, something to be known or used for a particular purpose.
In the experience we see our object as a collection of qualities
and quantities, as a certain point in space and time.
There is a necessary distance between experiencing I and
the experienced It: the one is subject, and the other object.
Also, the experiencing I is an objective observer rather
than an active participant in this way of dealing with the world.

In addition to this familiar way of dealing with the world,

there is also another mode available to us, one that we
must necessarily use to be truly human.
In this mode, which Buber calls "encounter" (the mode of I–You),
we enter into a relationship with the object we encountered,
we take part in something with that object, and both the I
and the You are transformed by the relationship between them.
The You we encounter is found in its entirety, not as a sum
of its qualities.
The You is not found as a point in space and time, but instead
it is found as if it were the whole universe, or rather, as if the
entire universe somehow existed through the You.
We can enter into encounter with any of the objects that we
experience; with lifeless objects, with animals and with humans.
With humans, the phenomena of encounter can best be
described as love.
1.2.2) The platonic relationship

Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate

relationship in which the sexual element does not enter,
especially in cases where can easily be assumed otherwise.
A simple example of Platonic relationships is a deep, A-sexual
friendship between two heterosexuals of the opposite sex.

Platonic love is named after the Greek philosopher Plato (2),

although the philosopher never used this term himself.

Platonic love as conceived by Plato involves ascending through

levels of proximity to wisdom and true beauty from carnal
attraction to individual bodies to attraction to souls, and
ultimately, union with the truth. This is the old, philosophical
interpretation. Platonic love often contrasts with romantic love.

In short, with true Platonic love, the beautiful or lovely other

person inspires the mind and the soul and focuses on spiritual
matters. Pausanias (3) explained in Plato's Symposium two kinds
of love or Eros—Vulgar Eros or earthly love and Divine Eros or
divine love.
Vulgar Eros is nothing but mere material attraction to a
beautiful body for physical pleasure and reproduction.
Divine Eros begins the journey from physical attraction,
that is, attraction to beautiful shape or body, but transcends
gradually to love for Supreme Beauty.

(2) Plato, Greek philosopher 423-348 BC

(3) Pausanias, Greek traveller and geographer 110-180 AD
This concept of Divine Eros is later transformed into the term
platonic love. Vulgar Eros and Divine Eros are both connected
and are part of the same continuous process of the pursuit of
totality of being, with the aim of restoring human nature,
eventually reaching a point of unity where there is no longer
a desire for change.

Complications of platonic love

Probably 90% of our closest relationship will be of a Platonic

nature, but when there is an emphasis on labeling the
relationship as Platonic Love, the terminology itself can create
discussions within one's relationships. Especially romantic
relationships where a connection of love has been established.

One of the complications of Platonic Love lies in the continuation

of the use of the title itself "Platonic Love" instead of the use of
"friend". It is the use of the word love that leads us to a deeper
relationship than the reach of a normal friendship.

Secondly, an investigation by Hause and Messman (4) states:

"The most popular reasons for maintaining a platonic
relationship of the opposite sex (or sex of attraction) was to
protect a relationship, followed by not attracted, network
disapproval, third party, risk aversion, and time-out.”
This points to the fact that in most cases the title of Platonic
Love is actually a titleholder to avoid sexual interaction between
known and consenting friends, with mutual or singular sexual
interest and/or existing tension.

(4) Susan J. Messman, Kimberley S. Hause, Journal of Social and Personal

Relationships February 2000
He whom love touches not walks in darkness. —Plato

While Aristotle (4) is not nearly as interested in erotic love (eros)

as in friendship (philia), for Plato the best kind of friendship
is that lovers can have for each other.
It is a philia that originates from eros, and which in turn returns
in eros to strengthen and develop it.

Like philosophy, eros seeks to transcend human existence,

to connect it with the eternal and infinite, and thus to achieve
the only kind of immortality open to us as human beings.
Not only does eros strengthen and develop philia, but it also
transforms from a desire for possession into a shared desire
for a higher level of understanding of the self, the other and
the universe.
In short, philia transforms eros from a desire for possession
into an impulse for philosophy.

In his book “Identity, Eros and Transcendence” (p63)

Antonio Sarpe (5) writes about Eros:

“In the ancient Greek world, Eros was the cosmic force that
presides over the loving union and fertilization. He frees the
parts of human body. He's beautiful, overwhelming and
irresistible.”

(5) Antonio Sarpe, Director of the Lisbon school of Biodanza, Author, Poet, Musician, Creator of RdP
(p64) “Living in Eros, seeking to unite fully my life to
another life, fulfilling my identity. Seizing the moment as a
sovereign agent, which frees us from the past or the futures
projection nostalgia. Living in harmony with my inner impulses.
Overriding the permanent wishes to the ephemeral.
Being happy receiving the world. This is the trans-cultural
proposal to be in Eros: assuming the pulse of love as a
commitment to life and happiness (eudaimonia).”

(P68/69) A lesson from Diotima (6) about love:

Love is desire and love only exist in the absence of the beloved.
As Socrates (7) says: “Love is of something, and that which love
desires is not that which love is or has; for no man desires that
which he is or has.” We love what we can't have, if we can
have it, we don't love it anymore.

(p71) Antonio writes about Philia: “Aristotle (8) did not use
the word Eros, instead he resorted to the notion Philia,
a form of love. Philia is not lack, shortage of something,
but rather the joy of meeting it. To desire becomes a
predisposition to happiness. To love is to rejoice.”

(6) Diotima of Mantinea, Greek prophetess and philosopher thought to have lived circa 440 BC
(7) Socrates, classical Greek philosopher, 470-399 BC
(8) Aristotle, Greek philosopher and scientist, 384–322 BC
As Nietzsche (9) put it in his book of 1882, The Gay Science,

Here and there on earth we may encounter a kind of

continuation of love in which this possessive craving of
two people for each other gives way to a new desire
and lust for possession—a shared higher thirst for an
ideal above them. But who knows such love? Who has
experienced it? Its right name is friendship.

In other words, if erotic love can be turned into the best

friendship, it can open a blissful life of shared understanding
in which desire, friendship and philosophy are in perfect
resonance with each other.

Diotima told Socrates about the right way to learn to love

beauty. A young man must first be taught to love one beautiful
body, so that he comes to the realization that this beautiful
body shares beauty with other beautiful bodies, and that it is
therefore foolish to love only one beautiful body. By loving all
beautiful bodies, he learns to appreciate that the beauty of the
soul is superior to the beauty of the body, and begins to love
those who are beautiful of soul, regardless of whether they are
beautiful in body.

(9) Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche , German philosopher, 1844 – 1900 AD

Once he transcends the physical, he gradually finds that
beautiful practices and customs and the different kinds of
knowledge also share in a common beauty.
Finally, he is able to experience beauty itself, instead of the
different appearances of beauty.
By exchanging the different appearances of virtue for virtue
itself, he obtains immortality and the love of the gods.
That is why love is so important and that is why it deserves
so much praise.

For Aristotle, happiness means the exercise of reason because

the ability to reason is the distinguishing function of Man.
One might argue, however, that the distinctive function of Man
is not the ability to reason, but the ability to form meaningful,
loving relationships.

Plato reconciles these positions by fusing desire, friendship and

philosophy into a single total experience that transcends and
transforms human existence and connects it with the timeless
and universal truths of the eternal and infinite. For Plato truth
and authenticity are a higher value than reason or love, which
only direct at them, and even a higher value than happiness,
which is only the manifestation of their presence.
1.2.3) The intimate relationship

An intimate relationship is an relationship between people

that involves physical and/or emotional intimacy.
An intimate relationship is characterized by friendship,
platonic love, romantic love or sexual activity.
Although the term intimate usually implies the inclusion of
a sexual relationship, the term is also used as a euphemism
for a relationship that is strictly sexual.
Intimate relationships play a main role in the overall human
experience. People have a general desire to belong and love,
which is usually satisfied in an intimate relationship.
These relationships are feelings of liking or loving one or more
people, romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual relations
or emotional and personal support between the members.
Intimate relationships enable a social network for people to
form strong emotional attachments.
1.3) Choice of Partner – Decision or Preference?
(conscious or unconscious)

What we see as a choice is often determined by our

history and emotions - our fears, needs and losses.
Carl Jung (10) said, “When an inner situation is not made
conscious, it appears outside as fate.” Our unconscious
affects us in ways we do not always understand.

Choice implies decision-making. It can include assessing the

worth of multiple options and select one or more of them.
One can make a choice between imagined options ("What
would I do if...?") or between real options followed by the
corresponding action. For example, when you travel you can
choose a route for your travel based on the fact to arrive there
as soon as possible. The preferred (and therefore chosen)
route can then follow from information such as the length of
each of the possible routes, traffic conditions, etc. The arrival
at a choice can include more complex motivators such as
cognition, instinct, and feeling.

Choosing a partner is a seemingly spontaneous process.

However, after a while you start to wonder if you really were
aware of everything when you made the decision.
Nobody wants to be wrong in choosing their partner, because
people often feel disappointed when they thought they have
found the ideal partner.

(10) Carl Gustav Jung (1875–1961) a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst

The idealization of your partner

It is safe to say that in most cases, when people choose a

partner, they place many idealized expectations on them
without realizing it, including those associated with pleasure
and welfare.

But most people often overlook some less romantic aspects,

such as the differences between each other, the obligations
that arise of the relationship, and strategies for facing
relationship issues.

Deep inside, because of various unconscious mechanisms,

you hope that the other person will meet your needs.
You project your needs and unsatisfied desires to them and
expect from them to solve all your problems for you.
Of course most of us deny it, but still do it.

We can make a comprehensive list of what people are looking

for in a partner. We may want them to be responsible,
hard-working, friendly, healthy, respectful, tolerant,
supportive, good-natured, and attractive. I can continue,
but this is a good example.
The question is, why do we fail in our decisions if we feel
that all of this is so clear?
The mental context is important

It is important to consider how the context and the mindset

where when you made the decision. People who are less
emotionally intelligent tend to exaggerate the other virtues,
which involves an emotional risk. This attitude comes of a
poorly channeled set of needs and an intolerance to loneliness,
in other words, the attempt to form a bond with the other
person has failed from the beginning.

Usually, the process of choosing a partner has its origin in a

set of unconscious emotions that comes from our relationships
with our parents, especially during childhood, as well as the
relationship between them. This dictates our mental structure
and function for the rest of our lives.

Our whole live is characterized by those first bonds. Parents

who encourage their children to develop the ability to think,
persevere and learn, are more likely to raise more emotionally
healthy children.
On the other hand, children raised by parents who forbid or
limit the search for knowledge, curiosity and creativity, are
more likely to create affective ties based on fear, lying, envy
and hatred when they are adults.
The influence of experience

It is worth pointing out that, in the present time, new forms

of relationships and love develop. However, there are no
trends in the unconscious. In humans, the survival instinct
takes priority over everything else. It seeks and desires,
pursues relationship, produces life and offers the conditions
for making and building.

In the life experience, the past always becomes the present

concerning the unconscious. Also seen in our experiences
the fact that people establish relations based on the type of
attachment that they had established with their parents since
birth.

These relationships are also influenced by how intense the

relation is experienced and the kind of instincts, both of life
and death, that rule in every person.
This combination of factors determines who you are attracted
to. The better you know and understand the relationships
that you had in your first few years of life, the freer and
healthier your relationships will be now.

By the words of Rolando Toro (11):

“The choice of a partner must be made through a

feeling of “absolute preference” and not through
an act involving a “culturally based decision”.”

(11) Rolando Toro Araneda, Creator of Biodanza 19/04/1924 - 16/02/2010

1.3.1) Fetish and Amnios

Rolando Toro's view on Fetish and Amnios as explained in

his module “sexuality”.
A fetish is a set of physical and psychological characteristics,
which have the power to stimulate sexual desire. Height,
shape of the face, skin color, etc. constitute the structure of
a fetish.

A fetish is the perfect final result of an erotic geology started

in infancy. When we suddenly need someone as strongly as
the air we breathe, it is because our fetish has sprung up,
with all its magnetism and all its resonance, awakening we
could say our terrifying prehistoric world, filled with a
hallucinating fauna, irrational laws and insatiable hungers.

The amnios (Amnion, a word that means the membrane

surrounding the embryo, so the feeling of protection,
warmth and comfort), on the other hand, seems to come
from the affective resonance awakened within us by another
person. We could say that the “other” starts to fulfill a
function of giving affective continent.

The amnios is the womb that allows the birth of unknown

potentialities. We could say it is an organ that one has in the
other person. In this way a physiology in two's is established.
On page 71 of his book “Identity, Eros and Transcendence”
Antonio Sarpe gives his view on the necessity of the balance
between fetish and amnios.

Rolando Toro create a scheme “from instinctive source

integration” through which he explains how the integration
of sexual identity (Fetish, from the Latin facticius/ fictional)
with affectivity comes to the feeling of love.
We will live a full relationship of love if we have, on the one
hand, the fetish as an erotic impulse trigger and, on the
other, the amnion as a stability element.

We want to be loved with an instinctive urgency and with

the overwhelming need, here and now, anytime (do you still
love me? do you still love me?).
But we also want to be loved in the cultural commitment,
through a decision (commitment or marriage) that gives
us a sense of security. If there is only amnion, we will
have friendship without sex; if only fetish, then it's sex
without friendship.
1.3.2) The Unconscious Mind
and Romantic Attraction

Also Carl Jung writes in The Development of Personality:

“[…]it is the strength of the bond to the parents that
unconsciously influences the choice of husband or wife,
either positively or negatively.” In the literature that reflected
Jung's principle, our choice for romantic partners are directly
influenced by our past experiences with our parents.

Romantic love has been studied from different perspectives,

resulting in a deeper understanding of human relationships.
In his book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix (12)

presents three of these perspectives: the bio-logic,

social-exchange, and persona theories.

The bio-logic theory is that there is a biological basis for

romance. This evolutionary principle is that we instinctively
choose partners that guarantee the survival of the species;
for example, Women instinctively favor mates with
pronounced “alpha” qualities. Whether we like it or not,
a woman’s youth and physical appearance and a man’s
power and social status do play a role in mate selection.

The social-exchange theory is based on the idea that

we choose partners that we see as our equals.
According to this school of thinking, we carry out an
evaluation of a future partner who is more involved than
that of the bio-logic model. Not only do we evaluate a
person's youth and social status, but also other qualities
such as creativity, intelligence, humor and kindness.

(12) Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., (born 1935) is an author of relationship self-help books
The persona theory is based on that our partner is
determined by the extent to which he or she increases
our self-esteem. Many of us have felt proud and perhaps
a little embarrassed because of the way we believe our
partners are “seen” by other people.

Although these three principles give partial insight into the

mysteries of attraction, there are questions to which these
theories offer no answer. For example, what can we attribute
to our partners who are emotionally overwhelming?
And why do we often react so strongly to the downfall of
a relationship? Based on these three theories, a logical
response to a romantic break could be to simply re-enter
the process of finding a new partner.
They do not explain the intensity of emotions that we often
experience.

The bio-logic, social-exchange, and persona theories

can play a role in our choice of partner. I believe, however,
that it is the unconscious mind in particular, in his quest
to mimic and heal the damage many of us have gained in
childhood, which brings into our lives those people who
provoke the re-surfacing of our deepest wounds.
Therefore, if we ever want to free ourselves from the
negative effects that these wounds have on our lives and
relationships, it is imperative that we focus our attention
on becoming aware of their nature and origin, and take
action to address them and to cure.
 CHAPTER 2
BIODANZA AND RELATIONSHIPS

2.1) Exclusive love and loving the world

In Biodanza we (re)learn to love, to love oneself,

to love the other and to love the totality.
As we know there are various forms of love, two of them are
platonic love and intimate love, in these two forms of loving
we can, for example, have an exclusive love with the intimate
love and love the world in the platonic love way.
In the safe surrounding of the Biodanza class one can
experiment loving the world, undifferentiated love or platonic
love for more people in your regular group.
We are by nature group animals, our instinct is to live in
groups together, but we have unlearned this natural behavior.
We are now conditioned to live in pairs or just with your family.
In Biodanza this group feeling, the feeling of belonging to,
comes back through the dances in the weekly groups.

The group is one of the most important transformation powers

of Biodanza, without the group there is no Biodanza possible.
From the beginning till the end the weekly class activates
the group feeling by the circle dances.
Going from the light first circle to the more deep swaying
circle and ending with a celebrating circle.
But not only the circle dances give the feeling of belonging
to the group, also – and just to give some examples -
the dances; rede afetiva (afective network), grupo compacto
(compact group) and fluidez em grupo com contacto minimo
(fluidity in group with sensitive contact).
Where the last one goes more towards loving the world with
undifferentiated affection. There are many dances all with their
own benefits for the individual, the couple and the group.
Some will challenge you while others are very challenging for
the couple but all will give growth to the development of
human kind.

As mentioned by Rolando Toro on the Sexuality module

syllabus, in our individualistic culture, the healthy impulse to
love has been deeply deviated. When someone is in a loving,
couple, relationship usually demands total exclusivity.
This keeps the couple prisoner inside a tight circle.
Without the possibility of creating ecological circuits with the
world, the couple impoverish.

The challenge is for each person within the couple to find the
right balance between freedom and safety. The proposal is not
to embrace “open relationships/marriages” - that Rolando Toro
considered loving friendships, not a couple vivencia – but for
the couple to find the right balance between nourishing the
love within the couple without being closed to the world.
2.2) Dances…together or with others?

Through experience I feel that when you are in a relationship

and dance in the same group, it's good to dance with others,
and sometimes specific dances together, this decision of doing
a dance together can be made more free, like on how you feel
that day or more controlled, with an agreement of what dances
you would like to do together.

But how do other couples behave in the Biodanza class?

There is a lot of different ways couples chose to dance in their
group, some make agreements, dancing at least one dance
together or all intimate dances together. Other agreements
can be, going to the class as separated individuals, or they
agree that they dance all dances in pairs together.
Another way is that they go on their feeling... no agreements,
just dance together when they encounter each other in the
vivencia.

But whatever they decide or not decide the experiences will

be different each class, this is the same for everybody in a
relationship or not, dancing together in the same group or
apart.
The group has the flexibility to adjust to the couple, even
without knowing about agreement or not, just by being and
responding in feedback. The sensitivity of the group and each
individual in it will make the lessons a great place to grow and
learn as a couple.
2.3) The couple and the group

How the group reacts to the couple and the couple to the
group, depends on a lot of factors, for instance, if the
relationship was born out of two members of the group,
or if they came together to the group.
How mature the relationship is, is also an important aspect.
Things can become more complicated for the group if one,
or both, of the partners in the couple is very jealous.
This jealousy can on the other hand also come from another
member of the group, and a possible end result being, people
leaving the group, to not have to see and deal with these
feelings.
So there is not really a pattern here, everything is possible
and it depends on the couple to make clear what their rules
are, to each other, and to the group.
For the couple it's important to know, according to Nilton
Bonder (13) in his book “Our Immoral Soul”, that sometimes
only the treason can save tradition.
(This means that sometimes only reviewing the couple
“contract” together – treason to the way things used to be –
can save tradition – the cohesion of the couple).
In 2.6 a more detailed explanation of Bonder's view on
“tradition and treason”.

(13) Rabbi Nilton Bonder, author of “A Alma Imoral” (Our Immoral Soul)
2.4) The ecological couple

The Biodanza approach is based on the concept of "the

ecological couple", developed by Rolando Toro, which assume
a life project in the Biodanza group, in which each brings
their skills to promote the growth of both, and of the couple.
The development of the sensory capacity of the partners to
each other and to the heart, to deepen communication
mechanisms that allow reaching affective and erotic intimacy
and so increasing the possibility of establishing a genuine
loving relationship stable over time.

Through biodanza we see that when both partners stimulate

each other's potentials, intimate relationships can become a
source of empowerment, personal development, meaning
and purpose, physical health and emotional well-being.

The application of Biodanza for couples envisage the realization

of vivencias that promote emotional and erotic communication
with your partner through exercises that stimulate a exploration
of synchronicity and mutual trust.
The vivencias in Biodanza for Couples stimulate self-esteem
and self-knowledge through feeling rather than thinking,
attributes that make up the strength of the magnetism and
seduction, understood as a genuine expression of the
attraction for the partner.
Jose Neves and Irene Franco (14) are a couple who embody
the concept of the ecological couple. Their dances incorporate
their mutual love of Biodanza.
In a Biodanza workshop with Antonio Sarpe they where asked
by him to demontrate “Love Dance I”. After the demonstration
was finished he asked them “without thinking, what is most
important for an alive and passionate long relationship?”
One of them answered “Freedom” and the other
“Communication”.
Nilton Bonder ads to these two important words the word
“Security”.
So through communication the couple can maintain the balance
between freedom and security, and have a long-lasting fulfilling
relationship.

By the words of Rolando Toro

With the “ecological couple” a beautiful and delightful

relationship is possible. The “ecological couple” must be
the source of mutual nurturing as well as of permanent
improvement.
One of the most efficient actions to maintain and improve
the couple is to have frequent “qualifying” sessions.
To positively qualify the other illuminates his or her life.
The key is to positively qualify the companion, to discover
his or her merits with subtle penetration.
To “disqualify” a companion is never “constructive criticism”
but an ontological murder in which the victim dies affectively
during minutes, months or years.
The secret ligament of an “ecological couple” is in fact
the creation of a poetry of their connection.

(14) Jose Neves and Irene Franco, Directors of the Algarve School of Biodanza
2.5) Communication in a couple

Rolando Toro writes in his module “sexuality” about the

communication in a couple.

The relationship between men and women is currently in a

deep crisis. Men are not used to expressing their feelings,
so that women do not know the intimate feelings of their
partner.
The problem can not be presented as a consequence of the
decline of machismo and the rise of feminism.
In our time, women and men both have a damaged identity.
In a relationships, masochistic behavior must be resolutely
eliminated. Mistakes must be answered in feedback;
displeasure with verbal or behavioral aggression must be
immediately manifested.
Reconciliation must take place gradually and with full
clarification.
A space for communication must be open and the level of
mutual respect must be examined.
Jealousy and fear of abandonment can cause aggressive
and compulsive behavior. Only respect for the other can
modulate such reactive-aggressive impulses.
The decline in mother and father instinct is the result of
deeply affective decadence.
Intimate communication through dialogue is essential.
We must transform our competitive tendency into fraternity.
2.6) Safety and Freedom; Tradition and Betrayal
(A Alma Imoral, Nilton Bonder)

Tradition and betrayal (treason) are two inseparable concepts.

Tradition (from the Latin traditio, “handing over”) includes the
tasks of instinct taken up by human consciousness.
Tradition has three main areas:
1) The family, a structure that best meet the reproductive
interest of society.
2) The social contracts, essential to ensure the best conditions
for preserving and reproducing live.
3) The beliefs designed with the task of preservation with
it's theoretical and ideological substantiation.
Betrayal, by contrast involves transcendence.
Major treason occurs within the realm of family relationships
when social contracts are broken and nonconformity is
committed against belief systems.
To transgress is to transcend, and our history wouldn't have,
political, scientific, religious, cultural or artistic martyrs if it
were possible to transcend without jeopardizing the survival
of the species.
Just as tradition depends upon betrayal, as preservation
depends upon evolution, as today's “getting it right” depends
upon yesterdays wrong, the opposite is true as well.
For evolution is only possible if there is a certain “obedience”
that can be challenged or defied.
There can be no tradition without betrayal, nor betrayal without
tradition, as an animal cannot be whole without evolution, nor
can evolution exist unless animals or whole.
Identifying the Immoral Soul

We understand ourselves to be the product of a tension

between two opposites, and this is reflected when we use
the terms body and soul.
The body is seen as a kind of opposite of the soul, one
represents matter and its needs and the other, spirit
and it's needs.
The body is a product of the past.
Its greatest interest is self-preservation.
The soul is a demand made by, and inherent to, this body
- a demand that comes from the future.
Evolutionary psychology asserts that the body generates
morality in order to protect its self-preservation interests.
This morality stands in contrast to the souls transgressive
forces. The soul thus lives off what society labels “immoral”.
It is essential to understand that a constant tension between
two diametrically opposed concerns – preserving and betraying
- is intrinsic to spiritual life.
True spiritual experience gains from the present moment,
which encompasses the tension of past experience (preserved)
and of future experience (which we create through betrayal of
the past).
The importance of the present lies in carrying the responsibility
of honoring both past and future – that is, knowing how to
compromise in our commitments towards preservation and
betrayal.
Better betrayal the hypocrisy

Those who fool themselves are worse then those who fool
others, because the one who is fooling others is more likely
to realize he is doing so then the one who is fooling himself.
Betrayals grounded on fidelity can be much more violent than
betrayals grounded on transgression.
In marriage, we tend to measure the “health” of fidelity in
terms of adultery. But how many marriages are profound
betrayals of the promise to seek a life of mutual emotional
enrichment.
Hypocritical fidelity is a commitment to the past that blocks
the present and the future.
It may be an option but it is idolatrous.
I am not defending adultery as a solution, but hypocrisy
disguised as exemplary behavior is more destructive than
adultery, and its various consequences will be just as harmful,
or even so more.
Most emotional illness, dysfunctional behavior, and domestic
violence is a consequence of the act of fooling oneself.
The spiritual proposal, however, is clear: better the betrayer
then the hypocrite.
2.7) Moral hangover

The moral hangover, due to our view on relationships

according to cultural and religious context.
Because our education (mostly Judeo-Christian) is embedded
in us. And unconsciously or conscious determines what a
relation should be, how we should connect to our body and
soul and how we should connect with the other.

In Judeo-Christian culture the body, the touch is most of the

time seemed as a sin. And intimacy with someone is only
allowed with husband/wife or life partner.

And there it comes jealousy, resentments, guilt, …

So Biodanza comes and challenges all of this, your connection

with your body, with the body of others and intimacy in general.
Because you can reach degrees of intimacy in a class that in
some cases you don't even have with your partner.
How can one integrate all of this, especially if your partner is
dancing in the same class?

Irene Franco writes in her monography “Eros e Biodanza”

about Civilization and Repression:

Principle of Enjoyment and Principle of Reality

The human being naturally tends to seek happiness through

the free enjoyment of the instinctive energies, orienting
himself towards the attainment of pleasure and his immediate
gratification, while at the same time trying to avoid pain.
At this impulse Freud (15) called the Pleasure Principle.
But for Freud, mankind in civilization would be doomed to
unhappiness, since both the development of the individual and
that of civilization itself presuppose control of human instincts,
since if man had the freedom to pursue his natural goals the
existence of a civilized society would be impossible.

Freud's theory shows us that civilization is incompatible with

the drives and with the pleasure principle. Repression is
necessary for animal impulses to become human impulses.
The animal man can only become a human being through a
fundamental transformation of his nature.
He must abandon the pleasure principle, relinquishing
momentary, fleeting, uncertain pleasure, and replacing it with
delayed, restricted, but certain and sure pleasure.
Immediate satisfaction becomes postponed satisfaction.
Receptivity becomes productivity. Repression becomes security.
Thus, throughout his maturation, the individual learns to endure
pain and to delay the gratification of his desires, beginning to
live under what he called the Principle of Reality.

Under the principle of reality is meant the full satisfaction of

need (Ananke), impossible to be supplied if the energies of
sexual activity were not diverted from their primary purpose
and channeled to work.
Society would not have sufficient means to support the lives of
its members, that is, the needs of Man could not be satisfied,
for to live under the pleasure principle would be incompatible
with the production of goods for their survival.

(15) Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis, 1856 – 1939
Eros as a foundation of civilization

In his critique of Freudian metapsychology (Eros and

Civilization), Marcuse (16) shows us that the repression of
sexuality releases the destructive forces in mankind.
The warlike impulse in civilization stems from sexual repression,
while for Freud the repression of sexuality would be a
prerequisite of civilization. For Marcuse, the destructive forces
in mankind could only be contained through a strong libido,
an intense sexuality. It would be through a sex life whether
quantitative, whether qualitatively better, as well as varied
(polymorphic), that aggressive impulses, generated by
repression, could be reduced.

Destructive impulses represent a constant threat to civilization

and force the culture to mobilize all efforts to combat them.
Rules and standards and a system of methods to restrict the
sexual life with which individuals have to be impelled to identify
themselves are set. It appears, however, that this repressive
system does not really solve the conflict. Civilization is lost in a
destructive dialectic: the perpetual restraints imposed on Eros
gradually weaken the drives of life, thus liberating the forces
of destruction linked to the death instinct.
For him there is a dialectical relation between the drives of life
and death, so that the only way to contain aggression in
civilization is to strengthen sexual drives (reducing repression
on them), for only a strong Eros can effectively subject the
destructive drives.
This concept allowed Marcuse to think about the possibility of a
free society in which the excess of repression was eliminated,
maintaining only a minimum of control necessary to maintain
the cohesion of society.
(16) Herbert Marcuse, German-American philosopher, sociologist, political theorist, 1898 – 1979
 Marcuse thus finds a liberating outlet for repressive civilization,
since aggressive drives (which are incompatible with community
life) could be repressed in order to liberate Eros, creating a
society in which individuals are fully liberated.
Eros would release human needs, aspirations and potentialities
in structuring a new individual and a new reality principle,
guiding progress towards the vital imperatives.

2.8) The one dance relationship, the deep connection

with the other just in one dance.

From my point of view we can bring the ecological couple

beyond “the couple” in Biodanza. Where it would be possible
that the ecological couple does not have to be married,
living together or even have an intimate relationship.
The ecological couple can be there in that one special dance
where two souls melt together, where there is perfect harmony
between two individuals. That oneness is there in that dance
and lasts until the end of the dance, so does the couple, they
dissolve back in two individuals, but they are not the same as
how they entered the dance, they have grown, that dance,
that connection is imprinted in their cells.
They go their own way into the next dance with another
individual but they bring their growth, they bring with them
their connection to the other and to the whole, to share it in
another dance.
And at the end of the vivencia, they go home, bringing all
these connections, all this self-love and love for the other
with them to their families, partners and friends.
2.9) How Biodanza improves our relationship
skills through the dance

Biodanza improves our relationship with the other(s) not only

because it improves our relational, expressive, affective and
communication capabilities but also because it improves
ourselves, and when we start being our better selves, we
bring this improved version of ourselves into our relationship.
Even if only one partner of the couple practices Biodanza
it has a positive effect on the relationship.
The non verbal skills improve through the Biodanza exercises
and dances, we need to synchronize and coordinate with each
other without the spoken word. We re-learn to be affective
fluid and gentile. To love ourselves, the other and the group.
From all of this the relationship can become more loving, deep
and fulfilling.

Below I made a selection of the vast amount of great couple

dances in Biodanza:

- Rhythmic Coordination In Pairs (Walk in pairs) (p42)

- Rhythmic Synchronization In Pairs (p43)
- Melodic Synchronization In Pairs (p44)
- Dance Of The Guardian Angel (p45)
- Dance Of The Guiding Angel (p47)
- Shared Segmentary Movements (In pairs) (p48)
- Segmentary Movement Of Chest-arms In Pairs (p49)
- Dance Of Seduction (p51)
- Smooth Limits (p52)
- Melodic Coordination's With Lightness (p53)
 Dances

Rhythmic Coordination In Pairs (Walk in pairs)

Description
In pairs, walk together holding hands, following the
rhythm of the music. During the exercise the facilitator
will propose several changes of partner.

Objective
To walk in perfect coordination with another person,
maintaining the same rhythm and reciprocal harmony.
To develop adaptive capacity through coordination with
the other and awareness of its presence.

Existential Projection
To stimulate the ability to create the path together.
To get out of individualism (of walking our path alone)
and move towards complementarity.

Music
Honey Pie
The Beatles (2:46)
Tour
Carlinhos Brown (5:21)
Mocking Bird
Dukes Of Dixieland (3:01)
 Rhythmic Synchronization In Pairs

Description
Standing in front of each other, holding hands and looking
into each others’ eyes, the two people do rhythmic
movements on the music, in a synergic way and with small
steps in their dance.
Sometimes the facilitator proposes changing partners.

Objective
To stimulate the capacity to dance on the rythm with
someone, reinforcing synergism and stimulating rhythmic
capacity. It's an exercise of integration with the other.

Music
La Vie Ca Va
Pierre Vassiliu (3:16)
Valente Nordeste (Forró Médio)
Nazaré Pereira (3:35)
Esperando Na Janela
Gilberto Gil (4:21)
 Melodic Synchronization In Pairs

Description
Standing facing each other and holding hands, the two
people dance in an harmonious way by following the
melody of the music. Rhythm is relegated to a less important
level, the affective interaction with the other becomes more
important. The eyes can be open or closed according to the
intensity of the emotion.

Objective
To stimulate affective communication with the other
through melody. Coordination and affective-motor integration
with the other.

Music
Blue Moon
Fitzgerald, Ella 3:11
One More Kiss, Dear (Vocal John Bahler)
The New American Orchestra (4:02)
Soft and light rhythm.
The Man I Love
Shepherd, Dave & His Quintet (3:26)
 Dance Of The Guardian Angel

The lack of transcendence is often manifested by a lack of

confidence in oneself, in others, and in life.
This lack of confidence can generate the feeling of being
exposed to all the dangers, of being forgotten.
The invocation of the guardian angel can be a powerful
stimulation of the inner potential of protecting our own life:
the brightest and confident side (in deep connection with life),
capable of taking care of the fragile side (the one that loses
the connection, loses the path). The evocation of the guardian
angel is the evocation of our natural ability to use intuition
to protect life. This exercise is the evocation of the guardian
itself, as the protective parent is the guardian of a child.

Description
The dance is done in pairs. One is protected by the other while
doing movements and displacements, evoking the angel
(the innate potential). The eyes are closed, advancing in a
dance or an “intuitive” light walking. One hand in the hand of
the "Angel", with confidence. The other hand can either be free
on the side, or placed on the heart (referring to the ability to
move from the inner motivations as forces of intuition).
The person dancing with closed eyes receives messages
through hand pressure from the partner whenever
she is close to an obstacle. It will be up to her to stop and
redirect the steps to a safe space, without obstacles.
The person who cares, who plays the angel, is benevolent,
careful not to guide but to protect: following in the footsteps
of her protected one, giving signs with pressure in the hand
every time there is an obstacle (a wall, another person, etc.)
At the end of the music, the two embrace and the situation is
reversed so each can experience the two poles of the vivencia.
 Objective
To integrate the vivencia of having in ourselves all the
possibilities to protect life, to care for it, and to feel
what is the path towards life.

CIMEB Note
To move forward in life "with eyes closed" is the expression
of a great trust. However, if it is an excessive challenge
for a participant, the eyes can be open so as to progressively
tame the vivencia of walking with eyes closed.

Music
Largo - Concerto da camera in Re Maggiore RV 93 - 2
(per lute, 2 violini e BC)
Vivaldi, Antonio (1678-1741) (5:51)
 Dance Of The Guiding Angel

Sometimes, in a kind of clouding of consciousness we

confuse our projects with our desires, we no longer see
around us, we no longer feel the life force that has the sole
purpose to guide our life. We lose our ability to connect to life.
Evoking the Guiding Angel is to connect with our natural
ability to be guided by the wisdom of life, our vital
unconscious, and not only by our will.
This dance can be a challenge for very voluntary people,
the ones that without sensitivity want to anticipate everything,
feel rushed, and do not accept to be guided, not even by love.

Description
This dance is done in pairs. One person has closed eyes and
puts one hand in the hand of the “angel”, to be guided
in a dance of lightness. The other person, caring, guides the
dance without inducing any manipulation whatsoever,
without putting the other in challenging situations,
but so as to facilitate a trustful surrender that allows
the other to be guided and feel joy.

Objective
To experience the opportunity to trust life and be guided,
overcoming the fear of uncertainty.
To reduce the influence of will as a guide for our actions.

Music
V podvečer (At Twilight), Idyll for Orchestra-Op.39
Fibich, Zděnek (1850-1900) (2:27)
 Shared Segmentary Movements (In pairs)

The Shared Segmentary Movements (in pairs) stimulate

complementary vivencias in the person accompanying
(to protect, to become more sensible, support without
directing, subtility of feedback), and in the person being
accompanied (to receive protection, surrender in the presence
on the other, trust, receiving instead of focusing on how the
accompanying should be done).
The need for support and protection is not exclusive to affective
relationships (e.g. parenting or friendship).
It is also an important part of the affective dimension of more
specific relationships, as love relationships.
The shared segmentary movements are part of the progression
towards intimacy and trust when working in the line of
sexuality.
These segmentary movements are proposed in pairs and reveal
two types of vivencia: that of accompanying another,
and that of being accompanied. Both situations should be
clearly described by the facilitator in his instructions.
To dissolve muscle tension, which for the most part is present
as a chronic form, through the context of affective support.
This dissolution of tension takes place along with the
reparentalisation, which is the possibility to reissue the
experiences of early childhood linked to parental protective
functions.
 Segmentary Movement Of Chest-arms In Pairs

The person accompanies the movement of the partner without

guiding it. Care should be taken not to lead, nor to limit the
movement. The important thing is to invoke a vivencia of
protection and benevolence.
Both people have their eyes closed.
It is the quality of the relationship and the trust that is
mentioned here. The vivencia is one of protecting and being
protected. Depending on the vivencial level of the group and
the theme of the class, this dance can become an invocation
of the guardian angel, or protecting angel.

Description
The person who will do the dance takes the position of
intimacy, eyes closed, hands on his chest.
The accompanying person is behind with the palms of her
hands resting gently on the partner's forearms, near the hands.
The hand's contact should not weigh, but establish a real
contact which is light and does not limit or imprisons,
while not being a caressing of the arms either.
When the music starts, the person dancing begins to realize a
pulsating movement of openness and connection to oneself,
then gradually abandons this regular pulse in order to blend
in with his dance, with the intimate perception of a total
continuity between the impulses coming from the chest
and the movement of the arms in response.
The movements are slow and delicate, with light tonicity.
The accompanying person, by empathy, becomes the perfect
double of this movement by following with his entire body.
 At the end of the music and after a moment during which
the person can slightly lean back (as if receiving a hug from
behind) and lay his head on the shoulder of the companion,
he will be received in a frontal embrace before proceeding to
the reciprocity of the exchange.

Objective
Doing a dance that integrates the chest (deep affective
motivations) and the arms (motivated and integrated action)
while being accompanied without being guided, helps to restore
confidence in authenticity: we can express ourselves sincerely
and continue to be loved. So that authenticity becomes a value
to be integrated into our relationships.

Music
Be Here Now
Harrison, George (4:08)
Bilitis
Zamfir, Gheorghe (4:30)
INTEGRATION OF THE THREE CENTERS
 Dance Of Seduction

Etymologically seduction means deviate

somebody from the path he/she was taking.

Integration of the lines of sexuality and creativity:

expression of the instinct of seduction.

Description
People dance together with movements and expressions
that indicate the intention to seduce. The dance can be
done in pairs, with or without changes.

Objective
To dare to be seen, attracting to oneself the presence
of the other, exercising natural magnetism at the service
of seduction.

Music
Negro gato
Monte, Marisa (4:46)
The Girl From Ipanema (feat. Astrud Gilberto)
Getz, Stan / Gilberto, Joao (5:16)
Theme From Taxi Driver (Sax Tom Scott)
OST Taxi Driver (4:11)
Uomo del Sud (Violin)
Piazzolla, Astor / Agri, Antonio (3:58)
 Smooth Limits

Description
Face to face, from a distance.
One is standing (which will give limit) and the other
advances slowly. Whenever the one standing raising his hand
in a stop sign, the other stops immediately and only resumes
(slow) when the other drops his hand.
In the end they end with a hug.
Then they reverse the roles.

Music
Vazante
Nando Cordel (5:42)
 Melodic Coordination's With Lightness

Description
We start walking in pairs during the melodic part of the music,
then when the more active part of the music starts we let go
of our companion and dance among the whole group.
When the music becomes melodic (slower) again we return
to our companion and walk together again.
This repeats several times.
A variation can be that you do not return to the same
companion but form a new pair every time the music
becomes more slow.

Objective
To experience relationships with freedom but also the safety
to return to your companion.
(Except in the variation, there we experience freedom and
diversity).

Music
Butterfly (MA)
Danyel Gerard (3:28)
 CHAPTER 3
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

3.1) Personal experiences (129 Biodanzantes)

The results of a questionnaire to students.

The responses from the questionnaire gives an idea of

whom is dancing, and what are some of the differences
and experiences, these are the results of the students.

1) Qual a sua idade?/ What is your age?

18-30 (4%)
31-40 (19%)
41-50 (35%)
51-60 (30%)
61-70 (13%)
71-99 (1%)
2) Qual é o seu género?/ What is your gender?

Female (77%)
Male (22%)
Not Sure (1%)

3) Há quanto tempo pratica Biodanza?/ How long

have you been practicing Biodanza?

< 1 year (12.4%)

1-3 years (27.1%)
3-5 years (23.3%)
> 5 years (37.2%)
 4) Qual era o seu status de relacionamento
quando começou com Biodanza?/ What was your
relationship status when you started with Biodanza?

Started Biodanza in a relationship

Casado/ Married

Vivendo juntos/ Living together

Vivendo à parte juntos/ Living Apart Together

Outro/ Other

Started Biodanza not in a relationship

Solteiro/ Single

Divorciado/ Divorced

Seperado/ Separated

0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80

Total Participants 129 (100%)

In Relationship (43%)

Single (57%)

From this graph we can see that there is more or less a

balance, between people who are single (57%) and who
where in a relationship (43%) when they started Biodanza.
5) Acha que seu relacionamento mudou depois de
iniciar Biodanza?/ Do you feel that your relationship
changed after starting Biodanza?

No, its the same (48%)

Yes, we broke up (27%)
Yes, it improved our relationship
(25%)

6) Se tem um parceiro, ele/ela também

pratica Biodanza?/ If you have a partner is he/she
also doing Biodanza?

Sim/ Yes (26%)

Não/ No (74%)
 7) Já teve um relacionamento com alguém da Biodanza?
/ Did you ever had a relationship with someone in
Biodanza?

Sim/ Yes (35%)

Não/ No (65%)

8) Quando tem um relacionamento dentro da Biodanza,

o que escolhe fazer?/ When you have a relationship
within Biodanza, what do you choose to do?

School

Aprofundamento apart
together

Weekly classes

0% 20% 40% 60% 80% 100%

The results of this graph shows us that most couples dance

together in the School and Deepening workshops.
But in the weekly classes only 57% dances together the rest
dances in different weekly groups.
9) Mudou ou muda alguma coisa na maneira como se
sente e/ou se comporta quando seu parceiro está na
mesma aula?/ Did or does anything changes in the
way you feel and/or behave when your partner
is in the same class?

Sim, sinto-me mais confortável e à vontade/ Yes, I

feel more comfortable and at ease (25%)

Sim, sinto-me desconfortável por fazer minhas

danças livremente/ Yes, I feel uncomfortable to do
my dances freely (19%)

Sim, não consigo estar concentrado nas minhas

próprias danças, estou sempre a tentar ver o que
ele/ela está a fazer/ Yes, I cannot pay attention to
my own dances and keep looking what he/she is
doing (20%)

Não/ No (36%)
10) Geralmente, em uma aula de Biodanza/
Generally, at a Biodanza class:

A) Dança a maior parte das vezes juntos?/

Do you dance most of the times together?

Sim/ Yes (13%)

Não/ No (37%)
Algumas vezes/ Sometimes (50%)

B) Dança algumas danças específicas juntas?/

Do you dance some specific dances together?

Sim/ Yes (70%)

Não/ No (30%)
Se sim, pode dizer que tipo ou nomeá-los./
If yes, can you tell what kind or name them.

-Danças de intimidade.

-Intimidade/afetividade.

-Intimite dances that reflect some important aspect (can be

only temporarily important) of the relationship, e.g. Feeling
support of the other, trust, balance each other, rebirth,...

-Musicas romanticas.

-As que o meu coração pedia no momento e das quais .

-Relacionadas com o reforço da autoconfiança; avançar,

explorar e confiar em si e no outro.

-As que senti que o tema era importantes dançar com o meu
namorado.

-Danças de aprofundamento relacional e sensíveis.

-As de maior proximidade fisica.

-Sexualidade.

-Danças em que ha preferencias, com mais intimidade ou

contacto ou sentimento.

-Dança do porto seguro.

-Danças que façam sentido para o casal

-Principalmente danças em par com mais contacto das linhas

de vivência da sexualidade e da afetividade.
-Dançar o amor diferenciado.

-Afetividade e sexualidade.

-Afetividade.

-Mais regressivas, de amor, mais intimas.

-Danças a dois geralmente mais na parte regressiva da aula.

-Dancas de maior intimidade.

-Com mais intimidade ou vivência.

-Oposição harmónia (always) and mostly regression, contact,

love expression, anything that envolves caressing and
touching.

-Danças de maior entrega, de erotismo.

-Depende do momento pessoal de cada um, às vezes lúdicas,

outras regressivas ou de cuidado, outras de impor limite, etc.

-Aquelas que instintivamente nos aproximam.

-De maior intimidade e as de regressão.

C) Discutiram e concordaram entre vocês,
como se comportar na aula?/
Did you discussed and agreed between you,
how to behave in the class?

Sim/ Yes (31%)

Não/ No (50%)
Algumas vezes/ Sometimes (19%)

D) Informou ao grupo como você trabalha como casal

na aula?/ Did you inform the group how you function
as a couple in the class?

Sim, informalmente com alguns do

grupo/ Yes, informally with some
of the group (10%)
Sim, nós partilhámos isso
abertamente no início de uma
aula/Yes, we shared it openly at
the beginning of a lesson (15%)
Não/ No (75%)
E) Discutiu o relacionamento com seu facilitador?/
Did you discuss the relationship with your facilitator?

Sim/ Yes (23%)

Não/ No (77%)
3.2) Personal experiences (24 facilitators)
The results of a questionnaire to facilitators.

The responses from the questionnaire gives an idea of

how long they are facilitating, and what are there
experiences with couples in there groups, these are the
results of the facilitators and didacts.

1) Há quanto tempo tem sido um facilitador e/ou

didata?/ How long have you been a facilitator
and/or didata?

10 years and more

5 to 10 years

2 to 5 years

less than 2 years

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
 2) Tem ou teve casais no seu grupo?/
Do you have or had couples in your group?

Sim/ Yes (75%)

Não/ No (25%)

3) Qual das seguintes opções ocorre com mais

frequencia./ Which of the following options
occur more frequently.

They met each other in the Biodanza class

More
They came together as a couple to the class Average
Less

They met in the "Biodanza universe"

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
 4) Acha que dançar juntos causa atrito entre os
parceiros?/ Do you think dancing together causes
friction between the partners?

Yes, depending on how mature the relation is

Yes, if they are doing Biodanza for only a short time

Yes, if there are ex-partners in the class

No

0 2 4 6 8 10 12 14

5) Como os outros no grupo reagem ao(s) casal(s)?/

How do the others in the group react to the couple(s)?

Desconfortável/ Uncomfortable
Uncomfortable at the beginning,
people dont know how to react,
but after a couple lessons its ok
Normal as usual, no difference
Outros/ others
6) Percebe alguma diferença consistente na forma
como o casal se posiciona no grupo, entre os casais
que se encontram no grupo e os que chegaram ao
grupo já como casal?/ Do you notice any consistent
difference in the way the couple position themselves
in the group, between the couples that meet in the
group and those that arrived in the group already as
a couple?

Sim/ Yes (28%)

Não/ No (72%)
6a) Quais as principais diferenças que encontrou?/
What main differences have you encountered?

-Maior territorialidade.

-O casal que se encontra no grupo tende a dançar mais vezes

juntos, do que o casal que já chegam ao grupo como casal.

-É subjectivo ao casal. Uns optaram por fazer as danças

intimas sempre juntos. Outros mantiveram a mesma postura
e outros vão pulsando entre estar juntos e ou quase nunca
dançarem juntos.

-Mais maturidade na relação.

-Os que chegaram como casal tiveram mais dificuldade em

relacionar-se com todos os outros membros de igual para
igual. Os que se encontraram no grupo, mantiveram as
relações com todos os outros membros sem grandes
alterações.
7) Os casais costumam conversar com você sobre
fazer Biodanza como um casal?/ Do couples usually
talk with you about doing Biodanza as a couple?

Sim/ Yes (67%)

Não/ No (33%)

7a) Se sim, que problemas eles mencionam?/

If yes, what issues they mention?

-O mais comum é perguntarem se é adequado ou não estarem

os dois.

-Por vezes falta de liberdade pessoal, outras perguntando

como fazer para ser confortável para os dois.
Usualmente é procurando soluções para algum conflito.

-Condicionar o processo um do outro.

-Boundaries.

-Ciúmes, dificuldade em entrar em vivência na aula quando

não estão com o companheiro.

.O espaço individual de cada um é o espaço partilhado.

-algum ciúme, algum controle, alguma desconfiança mas só
acontece em 50% mais ou menos dos casos ...

-Alguns parceiros de casais que partilharam mencionaram que

preferiam não dançar juntos no mesmo grupo porque
desgasta a relação.

-Ciúme; Espaço pessoal e espaço partilhado;

Como a presença do outro influencia o seu processo.

-Usually I initiate the conversation and talk about challenges

of doing Biodanza in a couple. They are grateful but are not
often open to admit to their own jealously. I have had two
couples from a weekly group separate and then both wanted
to continue in the group but do not want their ex to be there.

-Quando há uma crise no casal, a aula torna-se muito

dolorosa, por causa das expressões de afetividade entre os
companheiros, que as danças e encontros sempre propõem
e promovem.

-Ciúmes (não apenas no que respeita à sexualidade, mas até

de se sentir menos amado(a) pelos colegas de grupo do que
o seu parceiro(a)), segurança vs liberdade, dificuldades de
comunicação.
8) Se/quando o relacionamento termina,
o que acontece a seguir?/
If/when the relationship ends, what happens next?

Apenas um deixa a grupo/ Only

one leaves the group (45%)

Ambos ficam/ Both stay (32%)

Ambos saem da grupo/ Both leave

the group (23%)

9) Do seu ponto de vista, que tipo de questões

especificadas, tendo casais no grupo,
geralmente aumenta?/
From your point of view, what kind of specified
issues, having couples in the group, usually raises?

-talvez ciumes.

-Ter algum cuidado para ver se o casal não se fecha

demasiado em si proprio e deixa de estar disponivel para o
grupo.

-Questões de intimidade e abertura da relação ao

indiferenciado.

-Numa dança de mais contacto, normalmente nunc são

escolhidos.

-Jealousy, following desire of the moment, bonding and

boundaries issues.
-O poder do grupo sofre porque a relação de 1 para 1 na tribo
fica diferente.

-Jealousy.

-Os meus grupos são grandes e os casais são perfeitamente

aceites no grupo sem questões de maior. dançam com todas
as pessoas do grupo mas guardam por vezes as danças de
maior intimidade um para o outro (nem sempre) tudo de
forma natural.

-Algumas emoções são vivenciadas por alguns parceiros

como; os ciúmes,medo da rejeição,a raiva,o desejo de
controlar.Alguns casais dançam juntos em quase todas as
vivências em par que exigem mais contacto.

-Ciúme e perda de espontaneidade; Enriquecimento da

relação; Fortalecimento do vínculo no casal;
Os impusos de novidade são satisfeitos nas danças.

-For the couple, they will most likely be confronted with their
own jealously and insecurities. Often one of the partners is
constantly distracted by what the other is doing, and looking
to see what they are doing and who with.
When the couple is in a big crisis sometimes they bring a
heavy energy to the group.

-A questão das crises inevitáveis entre casais aumenta a

possibilidade de absentismo, pelo menos temporário,
de pelo menos uma das pessoas do casal.

-Fecharem-se sobre eles mesmos, especialmente na fase

regressiva da aula, formando um núcleo à parte; dificuldade
por parte de outros alunos em tomarem iniciativa de
escolher uma pessoa que está em casal; alguma tensão
quando partilham o mesmo espaço e existem conflitos entre
os dois; alguns alunos tomarem partido de um ou de outro,
mesmo que de forma inconsciente.

10) Como lida com os problemas decorrentes desses

relacionamentos em seu grupo?/
How do you deal with the issues coming from these
relationships in your group?

-Com naturalidade, falando sobre eles se os alunos me

procurarem.

-não tenho problemas porque o casal é casado há muito

tempo e muito respeitado por todos.

-Com naturalidade. Procurando que as interacoes

particulares não afectem a dinamica do proprio grupo.

-Acompanhando individualmente as pessoas em causa.

-Addressing boundaries.

-conversando com os alunos.

-Separando o que é Biodanza e o que é relação.

-I speak with them trying to understand what happens and

see if they can find a solution.

-Se surge algum problema falo com o casal directamente

com toda a naturalidade e transparência.
-Aguardo que sejam os envolvidos a solucionarem e às
vezes partilho da minha experiência com quem opta por
vir falar comigo.

-Varia muito; Não fazendo nada sempre que possível; Se

impacta na dinâmica do grupo falando com os envolvidos.

-Sem problemas até ao momento.

-Usually by talking with the couple privately. Sometimes

it is necessary that one of partners finds another group
(especially after the couple separates).

-Lido da mesma forma que lido com as questões difíceis

de cada aluno - em conversa com cada um, procuro
ajudar a pessoa a olhar-se, escutar-se e sentir o que é
melhor para si e o que lhe faz realmente sentido, dadas
as circunstâncias.

-Em primeiro lugar, deixando clara para todos a pauta do

casal ser soberano, que cabe a cada um dos membros do
casal preservar o espaço e limites próprios acordados
entre eles, deixando assim os outros alunos mais à
vontade na escolha e nível de intimidade nas danças;
em caso de conflito acompanhar cada um mais de perto
através de entrevistas individuais, mantendo uma postura
neutra, receptiva, o sigilo pelo que me foi confiado por
cada um e procurando remeter as questões que surgem
na relação de casal para o próprio processo pessoal
dentro da Biodanza, ajudando-os a elaborar as questões
que vão surgindo; não permitindo partilhas que são
queixas sobre o outro.
11) Acha que fazer Biodanza em casais limita a
experiência da Biodanza?/ Do you think that doing
Biodanza in couples limits the Biodanza experience?

Sim/ Yes (11%)

Não/ No (39%)
Talvez/ Maybe (50%)

12) Espaço para adicionar sua própria experiência

sobre este tópico.
Space to ad your own experience on this topic.

-Facilito apenas há um ano e meio pelo que não tenho muita

experiencia na questão. tenho apenas um casal casado e
tudo tem corrido bem sem conflitos.

-Nunca estive com companheiros em Biodanza, agora as

vivências em Biodanza despertaram em mim uma forma
diferente de estar e sentir eroticamente a vida e os outros.

-Tenho e tive cerca de 10 casais até agora na Biodanza e a

experiência é subjectiva. Há muitos factores mas no geral as
relações que se estabelecem a partir de aulas de Biodanza,
há uma tendência a não correr bem. Casais que vêm juntos
fazer Biodanza, tem corrido bem mas é mais complexo e
difícil. Já aconteceu sugerirmos a três casais fazerem
biodanza em grupos separados. Porque percebemos algum
grau de dependência e fusão em que cada um precisa
reforçar a sua identidade individual. Dos 5 casais que
chegaram à biodanza juntos a maioria mantém-se e outros
separaram-se mas que não tem a ver com a Biodanza.
Parece que a grande questão é a maturidade do casal e de
cada um individual.

-Nunca namorei com ninguém da biodanza.

Mas sempre que senti outro tipo de conexão, permito que o
outro encontre a sua individualidade na aula. Ele não me
pertence nem eu a ele... É uma forma de crescer enquanto
ser humano que se relaciona consigo e com o meio.

.Biodanza provides (or should provide) affective containment.

If couple is lacking affective bonding, looking for it in
Biodanza Group may cause boundary issues.

-It is a wonderful opportunity to grow.

-esta é uma questão sensível e acho o tema muito

interessante. imagino que em grupos pequenos possa haver
mais constrangimento em relação à presença de casais,
num grupo grande o impacto de um ou mais casais no
próprio grupo dilui-se. para o casal depende imenso da
maturidade da relação e do compromisso para com o
processo de desenvolvimento humano que é a biodanza.
se a parte conjugal - ciúme, controle, desconforto – se
sobrepuser ao processo na biodanza então o casal acaba
por sair ou eventualmente por terminar a relação quer saia
do grupo quer não.
-No meu caso vivenciei dançar em casal no mesmo grupo
onde houve algum equilíbrio nos primeiros meses e depois
de um ano acabou deteriorando-se até terminar ao fim de
dois anos e meio. Foi muito melhor quando dançámos em
grupos diferentes. É seguramente uma oportunidade de
evolução.

-Danço há mais de 10 anos com a minha companheira.

Sendo verdade que surgiram alguns, poucos, momentos
de ciúme, no compto geral a experiência é extremamente
benéfica para o casal (e os eventos de ciúme também o
são) ao abrir o campo de vivências de prazer que sempre
estimulam a riqueza e diversidade no próprio casal.

-Love happens, cupids bow strikes. Sometimes people find

deep loving connections in Biodanza and lasting
relationships from within the Biodanza universe.
As a facilitator I advice students not to look for casual
affairs and lovers in their Biodanza group. It will most
likely complicate their process. However for a lot of people
it is difficult to distinguish between an infatuation,
flirtation or superficial temptation and a potentially deep,
life changing connection. Practicing Biodanza together as a
couple requires maturity, awareness and good
communication. For me it is essential to be able to share
vivencias with my partner and also to have vivencias
without the presence of my partner. Vivencias are where
my heart speaks in its most intimate, true way. If I could
not share that with my parter, I would feel that they don't
fully know me.
-A prática de Biodanza em casal em grupo regular semanal,
obriga a uma permanente atenção à relação de par.
Julgo que ou a prática da Biodanza fica limitada e
empobrecida (não fazer algumas vivências com outras
pessoas, não entrar em vivência por estar a "controlar" o
parceiro) para atender às exigências da relação , ou a
relação fica extremamente reforçada (desenvolve os níveis
de confiança, cumplicidade, segurança, etc...)
por atender aos desafios da Biodanza.

-Entrei na Biodanza como casal e nunca senti que me

tenha limitado, nem levantado as questões que
habitualmente se levantam entre casais na Biodanza.
É um espaço que partilhamos até dançando mais com
outras pessoas do que entre nós, pois já dançamos
na vida. Desde o início que o sinto como um fator
nutridor e de reforço da nossa relação, pois esta tem,
regra geral, uma boa pulsação entre segurança e
liberdade, mas não é a situação mais comum.
CONCLUSION

On the question “how to maintain a healthy relationship

with your partner within Biodanza” the answer is the same
for any couple relationship: through communication between
you and your partner keeping the balance between security
and freedom. Also in Nilton Bonder words: being aware that
sometimes only Betrayal can save Tradition. Sometimes, the
contract needs to be re-written in order to save and open up
new dimensions and possibilities to the relationship.
Eros also means field of possibilities.
Opening up to the new possibilities, opens new growing
spaces to the relationship.
What to do, or not to do, as a facilitator when there are couples
in the group? From the questionnaires comes an interesting
result, on the question “did you discuss the relationship with
your facilitator?” (10E) only 23% of the students answered yes.
Where to the question to the facilitators, “Do couples usually
talk with you about doing Biodanza as a couple?”
67% answered yes.
From this we can assume two things, or there are far more
couples in your group then you know, or the talk with the
facilitator is perceived as more important to the facilitator
then to the student.
As question 8 of the students shows, most of the couples who
both are practicing Biodanza dance together in the school
and/or the deepening workshops but only 57% dances
together in weekly groups.
To say if Biodanza has an influence on couples practicing
Biodanza, the answer is yes. Biodanza without doubt has a
positive influence on the growth of both the partners separately
and the couple.
Referências Bibliográficas

Martin Buber, I and Thou

Nilton Bonder, A Alma immoral “Our Immoral Soul “
Herbert Marcuse, Eros and Civilization
Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Nietzsche, The Gay Science
Carl Jung, The Development of Personality
Harville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want
Ronna Wineberg, The Bittersweet
CIMEB, IBF Catalog 2012 English
Rolando Toro Araneda, BIODANZA
Rolando Toro Araneda, module “sexuality”
Irene Franco, monografia Eros e Biodanza
Antonio Sarpe, Identity, Eros and Transcendence
Antonio Sarpe, Radicalization of Progressivity