Local Literature

Courtship in the Philippines gives importance on the value of respecting women

and their families with proper rules and standards set by society for pursuing a lady. This
traditional practice dates back to the Spanish era where men are more subdued and
discreet. Courtship or in Tagalog “Panliligaw” also known as “Pandidiga” in other region
means expressing of romantic interest to a woman which involves certain stages. In
traditional courtship, Filipino male suitors are less aggressive and are very friendly in
order to avoid being disliked by women. While Filipina women are conservative and shy
back then.

A proper courtship starts with the male suitor introducing himself to the woman’s
family by visiting them at their house formally. It starts with asking permission to court
their daughter. The suitor has to be discreet and well-mannered in order not to be labeled
as presumptuous by the parents. If the suitor is accepted to court their daughter, they
may have small talks in the living room with presence of the parents since back then it is
inappropriate to leave an unmarried couple unsupervised no matter what their age are.
Mostly, when visiting the family of the woman, suitors may bring gifts or “pasalubong” that
can be flowers, sweets, foods or anything alike. When courting a Filipina it also means
courting the woman’s family. The visitation will continue until the parents can thoroughly
say that the suitor has only good intentions to their daughter.

In the past a suitor would engaged in serenading the woman he admires at night,
it is also known as “harana”. They will sing love songs outside the woman’s house with
the use of a guitar and with the help of his friends as backup singers. They will sing until
the woman finally opens the window, sometime she may invite them in the sala, still with
the supervision of the woman’s parents.

Another stage of the past courtship is servitude or “paninilbihan”. Once the suitor
establish rapport with the woman’s family, he must prove his sincere intentions by doing
certain tasks to the family, mostly household chores. It can be fetching water from the
well, chopping firewood and other things. This is a ways of proving his love to the woman
by doing anything for her and her family.
 During the courtship process, a traditional Filipina woman is expected to play “hard
to get” or “pakipot”, as if she is not interested and show restraint but still modest and well-
mannered. She must be reserved despite having the same feelings to her admirer, this
kind of behavior is culturally considered appropriate when being courted back then, and
this may test the perseverance of the suitor. A woman can also have as many suitor as
she want until she could the man she can finally would want to date.

After a long period of courtship, the woman can finally accept the man’s love still
with her parent’s approval. They may now come out formally as a couple. They can start
dating in public, sometimes in the company of chaperone and the servitude of the man to
the woman’s family will continue.

Once the time comes that they are finally ready to get married, there is the
”pamamanhikan” stage this involve the man’s family wherein the man formally asks his
lovers’ hand and blessings from her family to marry their daughter. They may bring an
extravagant gift such as in other regions of the Philippines, the man’s family give a dowry
or a sum of money to the woman’s family. They may now set the date of the wedding
formally. In the Philippines a wedding is not just a celebration of two people but the union
of two families.