AMERICAN DAD

"Fran-Klaustic Voyage"

Written By Amber Prass and Aaron Schubert

Feeling left out, a needy Klaus gets the companionship he craves

when he and Francine are accidently swallowed by Roger leading
them to discover an entire world inside of his body while the
family tries to get them back out; but when Klaus angers the
native inhabitants, he must learn how to be independent in order
to defeat a controlling caretaker from locking them away forever.
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American Dad

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

Stan and Steve are sitting at the table while Klaus, in his
small water dish watches them. Francine is unloading
groceries onto the counter. Stan is holding a small cool
looking device. He is trying to get his son’s attention, but
Steve is too busy opening an archaeology dig kit.

KLAUS
Stan, let’s hit the town.

STAN
Not now Klaus; I’m talking to
Steve.

STEVE
I’m not really listening.

KLAUS
See, he’s not even listening. Come
on, the Klaus man is right here!

STAN
You’re a fish. Not a man.

KLAUS
Ouch, good zinger bro, let’s go
down to the bar and slam some
brewskis.

STAN
Klaus, you are literally the last
person I would hang out with.

KLAUS
Alright, so I’m on the list!

STAN
Go away.

KLAUS
Oh come on, when was the last time
“The Boys” hung out together?

STAN
Who are “The Boys”?

KLAUS
Me, you, and Steve, The Boys, the
Three Musketeers, the Rusty
Trombones, the Cleveland Steamers,
the Dirty Sanchez Brothers.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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STAN
Those last three are sex acts.

KLAUS
The boys have no limits.

STAN
Get as far away from me as you can
in five seconds.

KLAUS
Come on Stan.

STAN
Five... four...

KLAUS
But d’Arstanan!

Stan takes out a bowie knife and lays it menacingly on the

table without breaking eye contact with Klaus.

STAN
Three.

Klaus scoots away quickly without taking his eyes off of Stan
and exits the frame. Stan turns towards Steve.

STAN (CONT'D)
Hey, Steve check this out.

Stan holds up his cool looking device and activates it. He

points it at an apple sitting on the table and it is drained
of its life force leaving it a dry withered core. Steve, more
interested in his dig kit, only looks up in time to see the
shriveled apple.

STEVE
Wow, real cool dad. You have a
gross old apple.
STAN
Yeah, I am a real cool dad, but
this is the best part.

Stan takes his bowie knife and makes several small slashes in
the back of his own hand. Steve is shocked.

STEVE
Oh god!

STAN
Don’t worry.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

He holds up the device.

STAN (CONT'D)
I’m on the... cutting edge.

Stan presses a button on the device and it heals his hands as

if it was never cut.

STAN (CONT'D)
Get it? Because I cut my hand all
up.

STEVE
Not cool, Dad. What is cool is this
Professor Bones Fossil Factory kit.
I’m into archaeology now.
He holds up the mine pick.

STEVE (CONT'D)
I’m at the dinner table, and I’m
ready to dig in!

STAN
You’re not getting it. Archeology
isn’t cool. Steve, you define how
people see you. Right now that
definition reads, “real weenie.”

STEVE
Mom!

FRANCINE
Crying to your mother, Steve? Real
weenie move.

Klaus scoots into view next to Francine.

KLAUS
Right, what a hot dog. Speaking of,
Francine, let’s go get some grub,
just you and me.

FRANCINE
Sorry Klaus, I have to make dinner.

KLAUS
Let’s all go out and eat! No one
likes your food anyway.

FRANCINE
Stan likes my food. Right Stan?

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STAN
I’ve digested everything you’ve
ever made.

FRANCINE
Thanks Stan! See Klaus!

KLAUS
Come on Francine. I’m all cooped
up!

FRANCINE
I don’t have time Klaus.

KLAUS
No one ever has time for Klaus.

Klaus scoots off screen. Roger enters and slides up next to

Francine with a bottle of lotion. She takes a head of
broccoli out of the grocery bag and puts it on the counter.

ROGER
Here’s your wrinkle cream. Ew,
broccoli?

FRANCINE
Roger, just give me the cream.

Francine snatches the tube from Roger.

FRANCINE (CONT'D)
Don’t let Stan see; I can’t let him
know how old I really look.

Francine gives Roger some cash from her wallet. She applies
the cream to the wrinkles on the back of her hands. They
smooth out and disappear.

FRANCINE (CONT'D)
Yeah, that’s the stuff.
Stan zaps another apple and grabs Steve’s hand. Roger turns
to leave but stops to see what Stan is doing. Klaus quietly
scoots onto the table.

STEVE
What are you doing? That’s my
digging hand.

Stan takes the bowie knife and quickly cuts the back of
Steve’s hand several times. Stan uses the device and Steve’s
hand heals. Steve pulls his hand back grasping it.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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STEVE (CONT'D)
Ow, that hurts!

STAN
Hurt Steve. Not hurts. You’re all
healed. That’s just the memory of
pain.

STEVE
Dad!

STAN
Hmm, maybe this rock stuff is
making you soft.

Roger turns to leave.

STAN (CONT'D)
Hey, Roger. What’s cooler, new
technology or dumb old bones?

Roger sighs and disinterestedly flips a coin. It hits the

ground without him looking down.

ROGER
The new thing.

Stan slams the device down on the table next to Klaus. Klaus
squints, eyeballing the device while stroking his chin. Stan
stands up and points at Steve.

STAN
In your face Steve. I am cool.

STEVE
I never said you weren’t!

INT. HALEY’S BEDROOM

Haley and Jeff are sitting cross-legged on the floor. Jeff is

holding his hands up with his fingers shaped like a goal
post. Haley is aiming a paper football towards him.

HALEY
For the win.

JEFF
You got this babe, but don’t try
your best or anything.

HALEY
That’s unusually unsupportive of
you.

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JEFF
I have money riding on this game.

Haley leans down ready to flick the paper when Stan bursts
through the open door, hanging onto the frame as he leans in.

STAN
Hey!

Haley, surprised, flicks the paper football higher than she

expected, through the posts, and into Jeff’s eye making it
swell closed.

JEFF
Nice shot babe.

STAN
Haley, Jeff, what’s better? New
stuff or old stuff?

HALEY
I don’t know. New stuff I guess?

Stan leans into the hallway yelling down to Steve.

STAN
That’s four to one. Eat shit Steve.

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

Stan enters with a pompous gait to his walk. Steve’s head is

down, working on his dig, face obscured by the brown hat he
is now wearing. Francine has her back turned, pulling the
rest of the groceries out of a bag.

STAN
Did you hear that Steve?

Steve’s hat falls off revealing a balding head with grey hair
and skin covered in wrinkles, shriveled like the apples. He
is now incredibly old.

STEVE
Huh? What did you say?

STAN
Steve!

Francine turns around revealing that she is also old.

STAN (CONT'D)
Francine! You’re covered in
wrinkles!

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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Francine looks down at her hands.

FRANCINE
Damn it! Roger ripped me off. This
is worse than before!

STAN
What are you talking about? You
don’t have any wrinkles.

FRANCINE
Oh, wake up Stan!

Haley and Jeff, also aged, stumble through the kitchen door.
They all scream seeing each other. Haley turns to Stan and
notices that he is still young.

HALEY
Dad, what did you do?

STAN
I didn’t do this. I don’t know how
this happened.

KLAUS
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

The Smith family turns to look at Klaus. He is holding Stan’s

energy transfer device.

STAN
Klaus, what have you done?

KLAUS
I’ve been in this house for ages.
Now you will know what it feels
like to be cooped up in your own
bodies like I am!

Klaus points the device at Stan.

STAN
You don’t have the balls. Just tiny
little fish balls.

Klaus scowls at Stan and activates the device, aging him into
an a withered old man.

STAN (CONT'D)
Klaus!

Stan raises his arms towards Klaus but then winces in pain
grabbing his shoulder.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

STAN (CONT'D)
Oh! Instant arthritis.

Roger enters nonchalantly ignoring that everyone is old,

walks up to Francine, and hands her some change.

ROGER
Here’s your change Franny.

He judgmentally looks her up and down.

ROGER (CONT'D)
I do have an “Extra Strength”
version too that you might like.

FRANCINE
No! Klaus did this! Roger you have
to stop him. Also yes, I am very
interested in the extra strength.

Roger turns to Klaus.

ROGER
Klaus, stop. We should join forces.
With that device and my cream we
could be rich!

KLAUS
Fat chance fat head. I don’t need
you.

Klaus tries to use the device on Roger but nothing happens.

ROGER
Yeah that’s not going to work on
me.

STAN
Klaus, you’ve gone too far! Get
out, you’re no longer welcome here!
KLAUS
That’s exactly what I wanted Stan!

ROGER
Oh? Are we doing this? We don’t
need to kick him out.

Roger walks over to Klaus, casting an ominous shadow over

him.

KLAUS
Roger, what are you doing?

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

Roger holds Klaus’ dish over his widely stretched mouth ready
to eat him.

ROGER
Sushi!

STAN
He still has the device!

Francine steps in front of Roger.

FRANCINE
Wait Roger!

They both lunge towards Roger. Stan’s now aged hip snaps. He
doubles over knocking Francine into Roger’s mouth. Roger
accidently swallows both Francine and Klaus in one gulp.

STAN
No! Francine!

ROGER
Big Swallow. No gag reflex.

Stan punches Roger’s stomach.

ROGER (CONT'D)
Oof!

STAN
Puke Francine out, now!

ROGER
I can’t!

Stan pummels Roger’s stomach until he’s out of breath from

being old.

ROGER (CONT'D)
You’ve punched them too far down.
They’re past the point of no
return. We’ll have to meet them on
the other side.

FADE TO:

INT. ROGER’S BODY

Francine and Klaus are in a large open space with a purple

alien landscape.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

FRANCINE
Look at all of this space! This is
hopeless. Roger’s insides are
bigger than his outside!

KLAUS
Roger Who? Oh, that jerk. Francine
who cares about him. Look around.
It’s an entire new world in here!
No more being trapped in the house.

FRANCINE
What are you talking about? We’re
trapped inside of Roger!

He shrugs.

KLAUS
I’m always trapped in a body. At
least here we have the wide open
spaces!

FRANCINE
We can’t just stay here. We’ll die
or get digested or something.

KLAUS
What do you mean die? I’m finally
living Francine. I haven’t been out
in forever!

FRANCINE
You aren’t out right now! This is
serious. Give me that device.

She takes a step forward and grabs what she thinks is the
device.

FRANCINE (CONT'D)
Ha, got it!
KLAUS
You’re so old that your eyes have
gone bad!

FRANCINE
Huh?

She looks down and squints. Francine’s eyes focus and she
sees that she is holding onto a grey tail sticking out of the
ground. She lets go and screams.

FRANCINE (CONT'D)
What is it?

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

KLAUS
Oooh! Look Francine! They are
worms, big juicy worms. We have
food! See this place is great.

Klaus reaches out, picks the worm creature out of the ground,
and eats it.

FRANCINE
That’s disgusting Klaus.

KLAUS
No, these are delicious. Francine!
You have to try them!

He stuffs worms into his mouth as fast as he can grab them

out of the ground. He reaches an incredibly large worm.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Look at the size of this one!

He bites into it and a sickeningly loud crunch echoes

throughout the empty space of Roger’s body. Hundreds of eyes
flicker open in the darkness.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
What is going on?

He spins the worm around in his hands. It has the face and
general shape of Roger but with a bite missing from his wormy
head. His eyes are wide open staring at Klaus.

BITTEN ROGER
Mother!

Figures close in around Klaus and Francine. They are tiny

malformed wormy Rogers, not quite complete but each unique
with their own persona.

FRANCINE
Klaus! What did you do?
KLAUS
No, what did you do? Take the blame
on this one Franny; I already have
two priors. Now pick me up and
let’s get out of here!

Francine scoops up Klaus and his water dish, and they start
to run away leaving the Rogers in the distance.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Ha! Nice try you jerks. Better luck
next time you slow pokes.
(MORE)
Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad
KLAUS (CONT'D)
I can’t believe you thought- wait
what is happening here?

Due to her old age, Francine is unable run far. She slows
down, allowing the Rogers to catch up and encircle them. One
of the Rogers lunges forward and stabs Klaus.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Ahhh! He stabbed me!

FRANCINE
Sorry Klaus, they were too fast.

KLAUS
No, you were too slow!
FRANCINE
And whose fault is that!

The Rogers grab Francine. An old convertible car skids into

view kicking up dust and a tough looking Roger gets out.

BIG TONY
Hey, looky here at this hot piece.
Everyone knows Big Tony loves the
ladies.

LITTLE ROGER WORM

Look what they did!

One of the little Rogers holds up the bitten Roger worm for
Big Tony to see. Big Tony turns quickly towards Francine and
Klaus, his eyes narrowing.

BIG TONY
You sickos have a date with Ma.

Big Tony opens the car door.

BIG TONY (CONT'D)

Get in sweetie cakes.
FRANCINE
Alright, but I’m telling you right
now that I’m married and I’m only
willing to go to third base.

She climbs in, and Big Tony points to Klaus

BIG TONY
And you’re sitting in the middle.

Klaus clutches his stab wound.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

KLAUS
Uhh, middle seat is the worst.

They drive away with the car full of malformed Rogers,

Francine, and a gravely wounded Klaus in the backseat.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Franny, I’m dying. Heh, I guess I
won’t be cooped up for much longer.

FRANCINE
Klaus, don’t say that. Just use the
device on the Rogers and heal
yourself.

KLAUS
Right, great idea. You’re a genius!

Klaus takes the device out but it is cracked open with sparks
flying.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Oh no! It got damaged when I got
stabbed. Francine, you moron!

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

Stan, holding a bowie knife is hovering over Roger who is

laying on the kitchen table being held down by Haley and
Jeff. Steve is laying a twine grid over Roger.

STAN
Steve get out of my way! I have to
stab Francine out of Roger.

STEVE
Dad, we have to put down the grid
so you don’t dig in the same spot
twice. Basic Archaeology!
Stan grabs the grid and throws it out of the way. It lands on
Steve trapping him like a net.

STAN
Your old nerd stuff isn’t going to
save the day.

ROGER
You can’t do this!

HALEY
Sorry Roger! We have to get our mom
back.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

He easily shrugs Haley and Jeff off of his shoulders and sits
up suddenly.

ROGER
No, I mean, you are too weak. You
literally can’t do this.

Roger disappointedly looks at Stan feebly holding the knife

and slaps it out of his hands with force. He snaps his head
towards Jeff.

ROGER (CONT'D)
And you, judging by that eye I
assume you lost?

Jeff takes out his wallet and hands Roger money.

JEFF
Yeah, Haley won.

ROGER
Of course she did. You got no kick
in your flick.

STAN
Roger, please we have to get her
out before she’s digested.

ROGER
Oh that’s what you are worried
about? Today isn’t a digestion day.

JEFF
I’ve had days like that. You got to
eat your veggies.

HALEY
Wait, if they aren’t being
digested, what’s going on in there?

INT. ROGER’S BODY - FOUNTAIN COURTYARD

A car squeals to a stop in front of an imposingly tall Roger

wearing an apron and a beehive wig. They all exit the car.

MOTHER ROGER
What’s all this ruckus?

Big Tony takes the injured Roger up to Mother Roger and hands
him over to her. She cradles the injured Roger in her arms
looking down at him.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

BIG TONY
We found these two in the Persona
Farm eating Rogers!

MOTHER ROGER
(to wounded Roger worm) Don’t
worry, Mother has you. (to Big
Tony) Anthony Carmine Bigelow, who
said you could drive the Caddy?

BIG TONY
But Ma!

MOTHER ROGER
No buts about it! You didn’t get my
permission. None of you did. As
punishment, no dessert tonight!

ALL OF THE TINY ROGERS

Awwww!

MOTHER ROGER
I’ll have none of that. Now you’ll
have no appetizer

ALL OF THE TINY ROGERS

Awwww!

MOTHER ROGER
No soup.

ALL OF THE TINY ROGERS

Awwww!

MOTHER ROGER
No aperitif!

ALL OF THE TINY ROGERS

Awwww!

MOTHER ROGER
Now run along before I make you
give back yesterday’s meal.

The Rogers sulk away mumbling into the background. Mother

Roger turns to Francine and Klaus.

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

As for you two. You can call me
Mother Roger.

FRANCINE
This is Klaus. I’m Fran-

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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Mother Roger leans in towards Francine framed like the Mother

Alien scene in Aliens, peering closely at her face.

MOTHER ROGER
You have a lot of wrinkles.

Francine turns her head away from Mother Roger in self

disgust. Mother Roger opens her mouth slowly, and a tiny
Mother Roger head lurches out, getting close to Francine’s
face. It peers at her.

TINY MOTHER ROGER

(whispers) So many wrinkles.

Mother Roger looks down and sees Klaus at death’s door.

MOTHER ROGER
Oh you have an injured little one
too? Follow me.

Mother Roger walks a short distance with Klaus and Francine

following her. They come to a magnificently ornate multi-
tiered fountain. Mother Roger walks to the edge of the
fountain and holds the little Bitten Roger by his wormy tail.
She dips his head into the fountain and pulls him back up.
The waters have restored his body. He blinks his eyes open.

BITTEN ROGER
Mother!

FRANCINE
That’s amazing!

MOTHER ROGER
This fountain will heal whatever
ails you.

She looks down to Bitten Roger

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

Run along now.
She sets Bitten Roger on the ground and he worms away.

BITTEN ROGER
Yay!

MOTHER ROGER
The waters of life are responsible
for everything you see here.

She indicates towards all of the Rogers with a sweeping arm

motion. We see a line up of different wormy Roger personas.
The last two are making out with each other.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

Hey, you two! Knock it off.

Mother Roger claps at the two kissing Rogers and they stop.
She puts her hands on her hips while shaking her head.

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

You can’t control them, right?
Little horn dogs.

FRANCINE
Mother Roger, do you think the
fountain can heal my friend?

MOTHER ROGER
It will work on anyone. Be my
guest. Put my fountain to the test.
Hey that’s catchy. I’m going to
write that down.

Mother Roger scribbles on a little pad.

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

It’s for something I’m putting
together. I have my own thing. I
have a life.

Francine rushes forward putting Klaus into the fountain. The

device he had sparks when it hits the water and shorts out.
The water bubbles and fills the room with vapor. Mother Roger
rears back shielding her eyes.

FRANCINE
Klaus!

The vapor dissipates. It’s revealed that Klaus has been

healed, Francine is young again, and the fountain is now
destroyed and dry.

FRANCINE (CONT'D)
You’re healed! It worked.
KLAUS
And you’re young! Wait, there’s a
fountain of youth inside of Roger?

MOTHER ROGER
Do you know what you’ve done?
Without the fountain, my little
babies won’t grow into full
personas!

Mother Roger lunges towards Klaus, but Francine blocks the

way.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

FRANCINE
Get away from him, you bitch!

With her recovered youth, Francine punches Mother Roger in

the face. Mother Roger falls backward while clasping one hand
to her cheek.

MOTHER ROGER
My little Rogers, get them!

She points, and all of the tiny Rogers close in around Klaus
and Francine.

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

Stan is trying to push broccoli into Roger’s mouth. Roger

keeps slapping away Stan’s meager old man attempts.

ROGER
Stop it Stan. I don’t want it.
Broccoli makes me all gassy!

STAN
Open your mouth. We’re going to
blow Francine out! Haley take the
shot!

Haley, in the style of paper football, is lining up a piece

of broccoli to flick into Roger’s mouth while Jeff uses his
fingers as a goalpost to line up the shot for her.

HALEY
I don’t have a clear shot.

JEFF
I believe in you babe.

Roger refuses to open his mouth.

HALEY
I can’t do it.

Steve stands up, tilts his hat back, pushes his coat to the
side revealing a whip.

STEVE
Snakes, why did it have to be
snakes?

He whips Roger. Roger opens his mouth wide when he screams.

ROGER
Ahhh!

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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STAN
Now Haley!

Haley flicks the broccoli through Jeff’s fingers and down

Roger’s throat.

HALEY
For the win!

They let Roger go and all take a step back.

STAN
Now it’s just a matter of time.

ROGER
You! I can’t believe this! How dare
you! Really! I just. I just can’t
believe you did that. I mean. Wow.

Stan looks down with guilt. Roger pauses and breathes

heavily.

ROGER (CONT'D)
Anyone else in the mood for foie
gras?

INT. PRISON CELL INSIDE ROGER

A small cell with bars on one side has a bed, shelf, toilet
and a wine rack. Francine is tossed in by Big Tony and hits
the floor. Klaus is thrown from his water dish, sailing
through the air and into the toilet. As Big Tony shuts the
door, Francine rushes to the bars, grabbing them.

FRANCINE
You can’t do this! I’m too young
and hot to grow old and die in
prison. No one will even see my
smokin’ corpse.
KLAUS
What’s the big deal? I’m always
trapped. One prison is the same as
another.

FRANCINE
What are you talking about? You
could have gone out at any time!

KLAUS
How? In a damn fish body Francine?
Have you ever tried to climb a
flight of stairs in a fish bowl?

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FRANCINE
Yeah, I was the fastest in my
sorority's curacao climb.

KLAUS
Since we are here, we might as well
make the best of it. Let’s have
some of this wine from-

He reaches over, pulls a bottle of wine from the rack, and

reads the label. He gasps.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Oklahoma!

Francine goes mad and starts shaking the bars of the cell.
KLAUS (CONT'D)
I’m sorry Franny. You are right and
you deserve better than this.

He tips the wine rack over, smashing all of the bottles. Big
Tony walks near to the cell.

BIG TONY
Hey, what’s all the jiggling and
yelling over here?

Francine sees the car keys hanging from his belt and has an
idea.

FRANCINE
Hey Big Tony, let’s say you and I
go for a ride in the convertible.
(whispers) Third base.

BIG TONY
Whoa whoa whoa, you already got me
in trouble with Ma. I ain’t doing
anything with you.
FRANCINE
Can I at least play with the car
keys. I’m bored as hell in here.

She leans in.

FRANCINE (CONT'D)
(indicating to Klaus) This guy’s a
real drag.

BIG TONY
Yeah, I can see absolutely no
problems with that.
(MORE)
Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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BIG TONY (CONT'D)
You being in there and the car
being out here and all.

He tosses the keys to Francine and walks away.

FRANCINE
Alright, I have the car keys! Now
I’ll just have to starve myself
until I can fit through these bars.

KLAUS
No Francine, stuff your face! I’ll
go.

FRANCINE
By yourself? But you’ll dry out!

KLAUS
I can do it.

Klaus jumps out of the toilet bowl.

FRANCINE
Klaus, now might not be a really
good time for you to dry out.

Klaus grabs the car keys from her, and moves towards the cell
bars.

KLAUS
That’s my secret Francine.

He turns back and smiles.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
I’m always dry.

He dashes out through the bars and exits. Big Tony enters
carrying two outfits, one fish-sized prison jumpsuit and one
very skimpy bikini.
BIG TONY
Here’s your prison uniforms.

FRANCINE
I will look absolutely slamming in
that.

BIG TONY
Hey, where’s the fish?

A distance rumbling grows towards them.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage
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American Dad

FRANCINE
That doesn’t sound like a car.
What’s going on out there?

INT. ROGER’S BODY - FOUNTAIN COURTYARD

The ceiling starts coming down in chunks as the Rogers panic.

One gets hit by a large piece. A huge gust of wind bellows
through the halls of Roger’s innards. Mother Roger, her dress
flailing in the wind, yells out instructions to scattering
little wormy Rogers.

MOTHER ROGER
My babies! Hurry my little Rogers!
Run back to your holes and be
safe... shutter the windows... and
secure Mother’s trunk... the one
with all the dildos!

INT. PRISON CELL

The cell shakes as Francine and Big Tony try to stay standing
upright. The Caddy careens quickly towards the cell without a
driver in sight. It crashes through the bars and comes to a
stop. As the dust settles, Francine climbs over the hood and
out through the bent and broken bars. She looks into the car
and sees Klaus, shriveled and dried out, with his eyes closed
as he lays against the gas pedal.

FRANCINE
Klaus!

Francine runs to the guard table and reaches for Klaus’s

water dish. Big Tony grabs her by the wrist, stopping her.

BIG TONY
Where do you think you’re going
dolly?

Francine looks up and stares directly into his eyes.

FRANCINE
I see you Big Tony.

He is taken aback. Tears well up in his eyes and he nods and

gently smiles.

BIG TONY
Thank you. It’s all I ever wanted.

He lets go of her wrist. Francine picks up Klaus and puts him

back in his water dish. He blinks awake.

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American Dad

KLAUS
What did they do to my dish? It
smells even worse than the toilet!

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

Roger’s body is grotesquely puffed up with gas. Haley and

Jeff are hiding behind chairs while Stan and Steve duck
behind the kitchen island.

STAN
Stand back!

STEVE
Dad, how do you know this is going
to work?

STAN
Because this is why we’re banned
from Olive Garden.

ROGER
I’m ready to blow and not the good
kind.

INT. ROGER’S BODY - FOUNTAIN COURTYARD

Francine and Klaus enter in the car. Klaus is at the wheel

while Francine works the pedals with her hands. They come to
a halt in front of the broken fountain. Gale force winds rip
through the courtyard.

FRANCINE
How do we get out of here?

KLAUS
I don’t know Franny. I’m sorry I
got us into this.

An unnatural hole tears opens in the wall on the other side

of the courtyard.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Wait, there!

He points at the opening, but Mother Roger stands in the way,

blocking their exit.

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American Dad

MOTHER ROGER
You’ve broken the fountain, you
broke out of the prison and now
this?

She indicates to the ruins that were once a beautiful garden.

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

You’ve ruined everything!

Barely able to stand, Mother Roger tries to inch towards

Francine and Klaus but falls forward onto all fours while the
wind drags her back towards the opening. She stands and
steadies herself, trying not to get blown out through the
tear.
MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)
And you don’t have my permission to
drive the car!

Klaus puts on sunglasses.

KLAUS
Klaus decides when to leave the
house.

MOTHER ROGER
Don’t you dare start that car.

He cranks the ignition.

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

Don’t you dare put that car into
drive.

He shifts the gear into drive. The car starts to lurch

forward.

MOTHER ROGER (CONT'D)

Don’t you dare drive over me!
KLAUS
Franny, floor it!

Francine slams her hand down on the gas pedal from the
floorboards. They run over Mother Roger and head straight
towards the opening. Mother Roger fades into the distance.

MOTHER ROGER
Come back anytime!

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American Dad

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

A large flap opens in the side of an extremely bloated Roger.

Air rushes out of the flap and he deflates like a sputtering
balloon. Francine and Klaus flop out onto the floor covered
in pink goo. Francine is somehow wearing the tiny prison
bikini, her body and face obscured by the goo. A tiny
matchbox car hits the floor. Roger stretches his arms towards
Francine and Klaus.

ROGER
My babies!

Francine sits up confused covered in goo.

FRANCINE
Roger? What happened to my clothes?

ROGER
What happens in Roger, stays in
Roger.

STAN
Klaus, give me the device. I want
to be young again.

KLAUS
I’m sorry. It was destroyed Stan.

STAN
Damn it. I’ll never be cool again.

FRANCINE
Is that what this is about? Stan,
you get cooler every day I know
you.

STAN
Of course my wife would say that.
She’s married to an old loser.
Roger, eat Klaus.

Francine stands up and wipes the goo off of her revealing

that she is young again.

FRANCINE
Wait!

Everyone gasps and stops moving.

STAN
You’re young again!

Jeff rubs some of the pink goo on the sides of his face.

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American Dad

JEFF
It’s not working Mrs. S.

FRANCINE
No, Jeff, this isn’t what made me
young. I don’t know what this stuff
is. We found a fountain inside of
Roger that turned me young again.
It was beautiful Stan!

STAN
What are you talking about?

ROGER
Wait, was it a big multi-tiered,
cherub covered, ornate, gilded
fountain?

FRANCINE
Yeah! That’s it!

ROGER
Heh heh heh

FRANCINE
What? What is it?

ROGER
Yeah, that was my gonad.

JEFF
Go where?

ROGER
My balls Jeff.

They wretch is disgust.

ROGER (CONT'D)
It’s how my species stays so young.
We regenerate way faster than
humans. That’s why your silly
little CIA device didn’t work on
me.

HALEY
Roger, does that mean you can just
make us young again?

ROGER
No way, that stuff is far too
valuable.

Stan lifts up Steve’s mining pick.

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American Dad

STAN
Steve, I think it would be cool to
do your archaeology thing.

STEVE
Really dad?

STAN
Yeah.

They look menacingly at Roger.

FADE TO:

INT. ROGERS BODY

The silence in a dark dusty cavern is interrupted by the

sound of an axe pick. On the second hit, it strikes through
letting the outside light in. It’s the courtyard except it is
now in ruins. Steve is the first one through followed by Stan
carrying Klaus in his backpack. They approach the fountain
slowly and solemnly. Their aged bones creaking through the
darkness. The fountain is dry and cracked. Steve takes his
hat off in disappointment. He sees Stan’s broken device
sitting in the fountain. Steve lifts it up. It begins to
spark. Steve drops it back into the fountain and it explodes.
The smoke clears and he peers closely at a the fountain where
a large crevice has been blown into it. A trickle of liquid
pours forth from the depths. Steve smiles and then stands up
laughing boisterously.

KLAUS
(whispers) The Dirty Sanchez
Brothers are back.

INT. SMITH FAMILY KITCHEN

Stan and Steve are at the table. Steve has his Fossil Factory
kit out. Francine is at the counter unloading groceries. They
are young again.

STEVE
So dad, do you want to dig for dino
bones?

STAN
No, that stuff’s for old nerds.

The door opens and Klaus shuffles in holding two cups of

coffee in a carrier and tosses a set of keys to Stan.

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American Dad

KLAUS
I got you a coffee while I was out
Francine!

FRANCINE
Thanks Klaus!

Roger enters with a tube of lotion. It reads, “Extra

Strength” on the label. He slides up next to Francine while
she’s putting groceries away.

ROGER
You do understand what this is
right?

FRANCINE
Just go get my change.

She hands him money and grabs the lotion.

Fran-Klaustic Voyage