Non-Verbal Communication

Non-Verbal communication is communication through sending and receiving wordless

clues. It includes the use of visual cues such as body language (kinesics), distance (proxemics) and
physical environment/appearance, of voice (paralanguage) and of touch (haptics). It consists of facial
expressions, body language, eye contact, frequency of glances, blink rate etc.

Proxemics
Do you feel uncomfortable when someone stands too close to you? Do very bright colours make you
feel distracted? These questions are important to the study of Proxemics. In simple words,
Proxemics is the study of space and how we use it, how it makes us feel more or less comfortable,
and how we arrange objects and ourselves in relation to space.

Defining it properly, Proxemics is the study of human use of space and the effects that population
density has on behaviour, communication, and social interaction.

The term was coined by Edward Hall in 1963. He was interested in understanding how humans use
space in communication. In his work on Proxemics, Hall emphasized the impact of proxemics
behaviour on interpersonal communication.

Types of Proxemics

There are four types of Proxemics. And these are related to the amount of space that we can
maintain with the different groups but we should understand that this distance implication will vary
according to our culture.

Talking about the four types of proxemics, let’s understand these categories one by one –

1. Public Space: It is the space that characterises how close we sit or stand to someone, like a
public figure or a public speaker. It is the longest of the four distance zones.
So, if you are sitting and listening to a lecture by a professor then you are probably 12-25 ft
away.

2. Social Space: It means that we are coming closer i.e. 4-12 ft.
This happens when you are probably talking to a colleague or a customer at work.

3. Personal Space: Personal space is even closer. In this case, you are probably 1 foot to 4 feet
away from someone. This is reserved for talking to friends or family.

4. Intimate Space: This space is for the people who you are very close to. In such a case, you
are probably less than a foot away and you might even be touching the other person.

It’s important to know that these distances may vary culturally. For example, it might be considered
rude to stand too close to someone in one place but not in another. It might be very common to
touch someone’s arm or shoulder while talking in one place but this could be considered
inappropriate in some other place.

The distance surrounding a person forms a space. The space within intimate distance and personal
distance is called personal space. The space within social distance and out of personal distance is
called social space. And the space within public distance is called public space.

Personal space is the region surrounding a person which they regard as psychologically theirs. Most
people value their personal space and feel discomfort, anger, or anxiety when their personal space is
encroached. Permitting a person to enter personal space and entering somebody else's personal
space are indicators of perception of those people's relationship. An intimate zone is reserved for
close friends, lovers, children and close family members. Another zone is used for conversations with
friends, to chat with associates, and in group discussions. A further zone is reserved for strangers,
newly formed groups, and new acquaintances. A fourth zone is used for speeches, lectures, and
theatre; essentially, public distance is that range reserved for larger audiences.

Entering somebody's personal space is normally an indication of familiarity and sometimes intimacy.
However, in modern society, especially in crowded urban communities, it can be difficult to maintain
personal space, for example when in a crowded train, elevator or street. Many people find such
physical proximity to be psychologically disturbing and uncomfortable, though it is accepted as a fact
of modern life. In an impersonal, crowded situation, eye contact tends to be avoided.
Even in a crowded place, preserving personal space is important, and intimate and
sexual contact is unacceptable physical contact.

The above figure is a chart depicting Edward T. Hall's interpersonal distances of man, showing radius
in feet and meters.

Rapport Building

“It is not what you say, it is how you say it,” is a phrase that comes to mind when thinking about
non-verbal communication. Voice quality, eye contact, facial expression, hand gestures and body
position are all a part of how we convey non-verbal messages and are particularly important to
consider when working with clients.

Rapport is a state of harmonious understanding with another individual or group that enables
greater and easier communication. In other words rapport is getting on well with another person, or
group of people, by having things in common, this makes the communication process easier and
usually more effective.

Sometimes rapport happens naturally, you ‘hit it off’ or ‘get on well’ with somebody else without
having to try, this is often how friendships are built. However, rapport can also be built and
developed by finding common ground, developing a bond and being empathic.

The first task in successful interpersonal relationships is to attempt to build rapport. Building rapport
is all about matching ourselves with another person. For many, starting a conversation with a
stranger is a stressful event; we can be lost for words, awkward with our body language and
mannerisms. Creating rapport at the beginning of a conversation with somebody new will often
make the outcome of the conversation more positive.

When meeting somebody for the first time some simple tips will help you reduce the tension in the
situation enabling both parties to feel more relaxed and thus communicate more effectively:

1. Use non-threatening and ‘safe topics’ for initial small talk.

Talk about established shared experiences, the weather, how you travelled to where you are.
Avoid talking too much about yourself and avoid asking direct questions about the other
person.

2. Listen to what the other person is saying and look for shared experiences or circumstances
- this will give you more to talk about in the initial stages of communication.

3. Try to inject an element of humour.

Laughing together creates harmony, make a joke about yourself or the
situation/circumstances you are in but avoid making jokes about other people.
 4. Be conscious of your body language and other non-verbal signals you are
sending.
Try to maintain eye contact for approximately 60% of the time. Relax and lean slightly
towards them to indicate listening, mirror their body-language if appropriate.

5. Show some empathy. Demonstrate that you can see the other person’s point of view.
Remember rapport is all about finding similarities and ‘being on the same wavelength’ as
somebody else - so being empathic will help to achieve this.

Reports and Data Transcoding

Only a small percentage of the brain processes verbal communication. As infants, nonverbal
communication is learned from social-emotional communication, making the face rather than voice
the dominant communication channel. As children become verbal communicators, they begin to
look at facial expressions, vocal tones, and other nonverbal elements more subconsciously.

Non-verbal communication involves the conscious and unconscious processes of encoding and
decoding. Encoding is the act of generating information such as facial expressions, gestures, and
postures. Encoding information utilizes signals which we may think to be universal. Decoding is the
interpretation of information from received sensations given by the encoder. Decoding information
utilizes knowledge one may have
of certain received sensations.

Transcoding is just the

conversion of the nonverbal
message from one format to
another.

>> Sender or encoder is a person

who sends the message. A
sender makes use of symbols
(graphic or visual aids) to convey
the message and produce the
required response.

>> Message is the key idea that

sender wants to communicate.

>> Receiver or Decoder is a person for whom the message is intended.

>> Feedback is the main component of communication process as it permits the sender
to analyse the efficiency of the message. It helps the sender in confirming the correct
interpretation of the message by the decoder. Feedback may be verbal (through words)
or non-verbal (in form of smiles, sighs etc.).

Negotiation Skills
Job descriptions often list negotiation skills as a desirable asset for job candidates, but the ability to
negotiate requires a collection of interpersonal and communication skills used together to bring a
desired result. The circumstances of negotiation occur when two parties or groups of individuals
disagree on the solution for a problem or the goal for a project or contract. A successful negotiation
requires the two parties to come together and hammer out an agreement that is acceptable to both.

Negotiation is a method by which people settle differences. It is a process by which compromise or

agreement is reached while avoiding argument and dispute.

In any disagreement, individuals understandably aim to achieve the best possible outcome for their
position (or perhaps an organisation they represent). However, the principles of fairness, seeking
mutual benefit and maintaining a relationship are the keys to a successful outcome.

Specific forms of negotiation are used in many situations: international affairs, the legal system,
government, industrial disputes or domestic relationships as examples. However, general
negotiation skills can be learned and applied in a wide range of activities. Negotiation skills can be of
great benefit in resolving any differences that arise between you and others.

Effective Negotiation Strategies

1. You Can Negotiate Anything

The first thing you should know about negotiating is that everything is fair game, not just cars and
houses. At stores, we tend to look at price tags and presume that the offer is final. It rarely ever is. At
the very minimum, you should always ask the clerk if they have any coupons available or if any other
discounts apply.

2. Ask to Speak With a Manager or Owner

Most sales clerks don’t really care if you make a purchase or not. They’re getting paid minimum
wage, and your purchases won’t put any more money in their pocket. So the second step is to find
the person at the store who will directly benefit from the sale. Ideally, you will want to speak with
the owner of a small store, but that is impossible with bigger retailers.

In those cases, look for the manager, whose compensation is most often tied to store sales and
customer satisfaction. Ask him if they will offer a discount if you purchase more than one of the item,
or if you’re a regular customer, ask for a small percentage off retail as a loyalty reward.
The key is to let them know that the sale is dependent on their response, otherwise they
have no incentive.

3. Keep a Poker Face

If you see an item you want and exclaim loudly that it’s perfect and that you’ve been seeking it for all
of your life, there is little incentive for the other party to negotiate. Always keep your cool and don’t
display any unusual interest in the item. When asked, limit your enthusiasm while unfavourably
comparing it to other products. Then suggest that you might still be interested for the right price.

The strength of your negotiating position relies on your actual alternatives to this deal. As a buyer,
you should never fixate on a single product; always shop around and keep your options open. As a
seller, you should always be prepared to seek more potential buyers.

4. Don’t Make the First Offer and Don’t Negotiate with Yourself

Whether you are buying or selling, you never want to make the first offer. Why? Because the other
party may offer a price that is a much better deal than what you initially had in mind. If you’re
buying, consider the starting point to be the list price, but make it clear that the price is too high.
From there, ask the seller if there is any flexibility and force the seller to offer you a lower price. It is
only at that point you should make your first offer.

But once you have made your offer, do not volunteer another price unless and until the other party
has responded with a counteroffer. Expect the negotiations to be a back-and-forth process, but
remain confident throughout.

5. Bundle

A great way to augment your negotiation over price is to include other items. When you reach an
impasse in your negotiations, an offer to purchase multiple quantities of the item or additional items
might trigger flexibility on the part of the seller.

The seller may be willing to lose a customer if it’s a single item. But when a seller has the
opportunity to make a much larger transaction, there is a much greater likelihood he will be
amenable to a lower price.

Likewise, as a seller you can negotiate the buyer to a higher price by throwing in an extra item. If
you’re selling your house, for instance, and you have brand new porch furniture that fits the deck
perfectly, offer to include it in the price you want as an incentive to the buyer.

6. Barter

Do you have any items that might be of interest to the seller? Could you offer some services that
would be of value to the seller? Consider making a trade to eliminate or significantly offset the need
for actual dollars in a transaction. The idea is to use creativity in order to reach a deal
that might otherwise not come to fruition. As a starting point, you can find many
bartering websites online.

7. Use Silence and Time as a Tactic

Never respond too quickly to an offer. Pausing or even suspending negotiations can convey that
you’re not desperate to close the deal and that you have other options. Silence can force a surprising
amount of pressure on the other party as well.

8. Be Willing to Walk Away

Even if it’s the car, television, or house of your dreams, if the seller won’t come down to the
maximum price you have set for your budget, force yourself to walk out of the store or away from
the deal. This strong stance more often than not will get you the price you’re looking for, as the
seller doesn’t want to lose the sale. In flea markets and overseas, for example, I often get my best
price only as I am literally walking away from the shop.

9. Keep It Light

You never want to let negotiations become too tense. Always feel free to smile and inject some
humor in the conversation. Lightening up the mood can ingratiate you with your opponent while
also conveying your negotiating strength. If you do not appear to be taking the negotiation
extremely seriously, your opponent may conclude that you are ready to move on if you don’t get the
price you want.

10. Use Written Communication If Possible

In foreign markets, it’s common to negotiate in writing on a pad using just numbers. This solves
language barriers while producing a record of the negotiations. Furthermore, it’s just easier to
communicate non-verbally when negotiating back and forth. Non-verbal communication strips away
all of cues that one’s body language and tone of voice can give away – which is why most real estate
deals are made through realtors and in writing.

Outside of foreign markets, you will find it easier to negotiate back and forth over email or even
through an online chat for customer service. Email is a great medium for negotiating the purchase or
sale of a car or other household goods on websites like Craigslist. Email also provides you with the
time to analyse the situation and make an educated, non-panicked counteroffer.

11. Practice
The only way to become an expert negotiator is to practice a lot. In the United States,
the closest things we have to traditional markets are flea markets and garage sales.
Spending a day or two bickering over t-shirts or used furniture will improve your
negotiating skills and give you the confidence that will be valuable when you purchase a car or a
house. It’s also a great idea to practice in foreign countries, where bargaining is much more widely
accepted and even expected.

Final Word

From my travels around the world, I have found that negotiating prices is the norm, not the
exception. Whether in the Amazon jungle or the Old City of Jerusalem, you are never expected to
pay the first price you are given. In the U.S., negotiating skills are also very valuable and you can
apply them to everything from making purchases at the mall and selling stuff on Craigslist to
discussing a higher starting salary for a new job. It’s a great way to save money while having a little
fun at the same time.

Informal Negotiation

There are times when there is a need to negotiate more informally. At such times, when a
difference of opinion arises, it might not be possible or appropriate to go through the stages set out
above in a formal manner.

Nevertheless, remembering the key points in the stages of formal negotiation may be very helpful in
a variety of informal situations.

Conflict Resolution
Conflict is an inevitable part of work. We've all seen situations where people with different goals and
needs have clashed, and we've all witnessed the often intense personal animosity that can result.
Interpersonal conflict is a fact of life and can arise in almost any sphere, from organisations through
to personal relationships. Learning to resolve it effectively, in a way that does not increase your
stress levels, is therefore important for everyone.

Types of Conflict

The first step to conflict resolution is to decide what strategy you are going to use to address it.
However before you can do that, you need to identify the root source of the conflict, and therefore
its type. There are three types of conflict, personal or relational conflicts, instrumental conflicts and
conflicts of interest:

>> Personal or relational conflicts are usually about identity or self-image, or important aspects of a
relationship such as loyalty, breach of confidence, perceived betrayal or lack of respect.
>> Instrumental conflicts are about goals, structures, procedures and means: something
fairly tangible and structural within the organisation or for an individual.

>> Conflicts of interest concern the ways in which the means of achieving goals are distributed, such
as time, money, space and staff. They may also be about factors related to these, such as relative
importance, or knowledge and expertise. An example would be a couple disagreeing over whether
to spend a bonus on a holiday or to repair the roof.

Resolving Conflict

It’s important to emphasise that dealing with conflict early is usually easier, because positions are
not so entrenched, others are less likely to have started to take sides, and the negative emotions are
not so extreme. The best way to address a conflict in its early stages is through negotiation between
the participants.

5 Strategies for Dealing with Conflict

1. Compete or Fight-
This is the classic win/lose situation, where the strength and power of one person wins the
conflict. It has its place, but anyone using it needs to be aware that it will create a loser and,
if that loser has no outlet for expressing their concerns, then it will lead to bad feeling.

2. Collaboration-
This is the ideal outcome: a win/win situation. However, it requires input of time from those
involved to work through the difficulties, and find a way to solve the problem that is
agreeable to all.

3. Compromise or Negotiation
This is likely to result in a better result than win/lose, but it’s not quite win/win. Both parties
give up something in favour of an agreed mid-point solution. It takes less time than
collaboration, but is likely to result in less commitment to the outcome.

4. Denial or Avoidance-
This is where everyone pretends there is no problem. It’s helpful if those in conflict need
time to ‘cool down’ before any discussion or if the conflict is unimportant, but cannot be
used if the conflict won’t just die down.

5. Smoothing Over the Problem-

On the surface, harmony is maintained but, underneath, there is still conflict. It’s similar to
the situation above, except that one person is probably OK with this smoothing, while the
other remains in conflict, creating a win/lose situation again.
The fact that ‘conflict exists’, however, is not necessarily a bad thing. When you resolve
it effectively, you can also eliminate many of the hidden problems that it brought to the
surface.

Other benefits of resolving conflicts include:

Increased understanding. Going through the process of resolving conflict expands people's
awareness, and gives them an insight into how they can achieve their goals without undermining
others.

Better group cohesion. When you resolve conflict effectively, team members can develop stronger
mutual respect, and a renewed faith in their ability to work together.

Improved self-knowledge. Conflict pushes individuals to examine their goals and expectations
closely, helping them to understand the things that are most important to them, sharpening their
focus, and enhancing their effectiveness.

Finally, in handling conflict both as a direct participant and as a potential mediator, it is important to
know your limitations. If you reach a point where you don’t feel confident that your intervention is
going to help, then it’s OK to step back and ask for help. Sometimes you might need to involve
someone else, such as a trained mediator, and that’s fine. It’s better to ask for help than to step in
and make matters worse.