Everything is nothing

Sitting beside a grave, he was plucking the petals when he felt that he had plucked all of them
and was only left with stem, and he was frenzied in tears. The swerving past, unfortunately, had
made sentient, sensible, successful and strong. Although he was blessed with everything,
contrastingly everything was missing.

Laying on thorny bamboo, her pale lips quivered ‘try to be a person rather than an individual like
your father. All his life he craved for self-satisfactory pleasures, but he faced nothing but
miserable individualistic end. ‘We have already been damned with the blessings of your God, and
ask me to be a servile. It’s ridiculous!!’, he protested. Blessings are to be felt, not to be
materialized, son. These ideals do not work in real world, and thus we have been subjected to
serve ourselves, not everyone. I am fed up of this absurd philosophy, and since you are not in a
state to perceive the reality; it would be better to shut down your imaginations, and he moved
out the hut.

Despite the strikingly different ideologies, his mind was filled with utmost regard for his mother.’
She is certainly the best I have in this period of perturbation, but I abhor her fantasies of humanity
and happiness,’ he told to Kiran, his only friend. ‘The only difference between you and her is that
she is social human and you are pure social animal.’

After his fight, he was heading towards his bread and butter that he saw a smart figure, who was
wrapped in a shawl standing on the footpath. A wave of confusion went along his body when the
figure waved at him, and said, ‘For God’s sake help me, I am in danger.’ She was a youthful lady
in her twenties with astonishingly aquiline features. He, on the other hand, like usual went
against the flow and denounced her plea by mocking ‘Why don’t you call God for help. I am afraid
that I am helpless to help you, and I can’t risk my earnings just for the fruitless servings. Her
wailings intensified but he remained stony, and moved away. May you be deprived of the best
you have. Hahh! These curses are not meant for me since I have nothing to lose. He hurried
towards his destination, and when he looked back everything was faded in the dust.
After a few days, he heard of murder and rape of a young girl in hands of a feudal at that particular
spot. Strange but the very thought of the curse shuddered him. He was absorbed in his nihilistic
thoughts that Kiran approached him. Kiran do you believe in curses. Strongly, curses destroy a
person as if mites devour lively trees, but only if the suppressed souls curse so. Sweat appeared
on his freckled forehead and he left in anxiety, which she observed, but didn’t ask because he
disliked interventions in his affairs.

Days passed, and when he failed to overwhelm his condition, said his mother, ‘that girl begged
me for help, but I refused.’ What? I knew that circumstances had paralyzed your mind, but you
lost your conscience too. Mockingly he jeered ‘I am not responsible for the security of every
woman in the society.’ Every woman! you have missed an opportunity to save humanity, and you
as well. Saving her could drag me to death, and you are rebuking me instead of questioning your
nearly non-existent God for all that. You are nothing, but a slave to your materialistic mind, and
if life will give you everything, even then you will have nothing, and she burst into tears.

After every argument, he used to find flee from frustrations at shore. Most of the time Kiran
accompanied him, but this time an unbidden remorse was also there. What have you done is not
acceptable, but forgivable if you repent. All is fate and none can avoid that. It was a choice and
don’t blame fate for your sins. I am not guilty of anything, and I must say what I did was utterly
justified. I am scared soon your stubbornness would scathe you. Kiran diverted his attention
‘What about your competitive exams?’ Just like this dying sun in the lap of the sea, my hopes are
dead too. Do not worry, God will do well. He gave out a hysterical laugh while Kiran kept looking
at his face sympathetically.

Education, for him was the only key to open the door his desired life rather than basis for his
edification. Although he never openly expressed his opinions, one day he flared up, while the
mentor was saying ‘Seek success in devotion, not in self-interests, because dignity of humanity
lies in being altruistic, not in being selfish. ‘For me success is purely a self-constructing
phenomenon; every person should live for himself rather than dwelling for so called pangs of
humanity. With this view, you cannot be a civil servant. My sole motive is to cherish the social
prestige in that specific circle, not to spread social service. His blunt statements stunned
everyone, but he remained resolute.

Her frail voice inquired about exams, and he like always asked the reason. I want to die before
you turn into an emotionless authoritarian. What will you choose between me and money. He,
without any hesitation said, obviously money because with that I will take good care of you. My
dear you failed the test. What? You chose life over love, and everything is crystal clear. It made
him speechless, but her hollow eyes terrified him.

Finally, the day came he appeared in life deciding trials; he was quite satisfied with his
performance, and knew his hard work will bring colours to his dull life. ‘My sweat will turn into
success soon’. ‘Be patient, wait for your time’, his mother said. This time he ceased to argue with
her, and kissed her forehead instead of being ferocious.

I knew it, he was hailed with triumph with the result in his hands, and immediately he rushed
towards the hut. Mother! Mother! he went numb at the instant, his symbol of glory fell to the
ground, tears remained frozen in his eyes when he saw his best blessing. The ‘curse’, only words
he uttered in moments of grief.