Lost in Translation

WARNING: Not everything in this blog is necessarily true,

accurate, or worth your time.

I recently came across documentation regarding the effectiveness and

efficacy of online instruction. I have a former colleague who teaches an
online German course for a prolific and notoriously business-savvy
online course delivery corporation. Bear in mind, I have nothing against
online coursework; it certainly satisfies a need, is convenient, and can be
very effective. I’ve even taken three online courses myself, one in world
religions, one in literature, and one in online course delivery. Yes, I took
an actual online course on how to teach online.

My former colleague once related to me the rigorous application process

he had to navigate to deliver the course – certainly atypical - which
involved: 1) producing a photo of himself standing next to a
Volkswagon, 2) documented ability to eat brats and drink beer, 3) the
ability to find Germany on a globe, and 4) willingness to pose in
lederhosen for a faculty profile picture. This former colleague forwarded
me some of the more stellar work from his advanced German course, a
group with which he was unusually frustrated. The assignment and
accompanying homework he forwarded required students to translate
titles of German lieder composed by Austrian composer Franz Schubert
(1797-1828). Further, as a second component of the assignment, the
students had to acknowledge via a head-nod on Skype that they had
indeed attempted to pronounce, in their best online German dialect, at
least four of the Schubert lieder titles in the assignment while listening
to polka music and eating pretzels in a bar. Below are some of the
translations of Schubert lieder titles from my former friend’s class as
evidence. The left column is the German lieder title, the right column is
the translation from online class members. I’ve selected only the best
translations to share with you.

Das Dörfchen The Dorky Chicken

Der Flug der Zeit The Flight of the Zit
Schnatzgrübers Begehr The Snot-Grubbing Beggar
Gruppe aus dem Tartarus Griping About the Tartar Sauce
Es schlug mein Herz My Rental from Hertz Chugs
Wie sol lich tanzen We Sell Dead Lichens
Der Frost hat mir bereifet I Barfed on My Frosty Hat
Lied der Mignon They Lied About My Steak
Der Wanderer an den Mond The Wanderer in the Mud
Wasserflut Water Flows Freely from Frothy
Waterfalls
Das Wirthaus This is the Worst House
Der Leierman Don’t Believe Him. He’s Lying.
Über Wildemann Extra-Super Wild Man
Am Bach im Frühling My Backside is Freezing
Der Abend I Have the Bends
Das Echo What? What? What?

Of course, the poetry utilized by Schubert in the lieder above isn’t

perhaps so colorful and evocative, but the translations provided by
students would certainly make for some interesting contemporary song
titles.