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On Love & (Sel) Fish-Love: The Video Below. The Concept of Fish-Love - Yes, You
On Love & (Sel) Fish-Love: The Video Below. The Concept of Fish-Love - Yes, You
com/on-love-selfish-love/
“Love is a word that, in our culture, has almost lost its meaning. Let
me tell you a story about the Rabi of Kursk. He came across a young man
who was clearly enjoying a dish of fish that he was eating, and he said:
‘Young man, why are you eating that fish?’. And the young man says
‘because I love fish!’. He says: ‘Oh you love the fish, that’s why you took it
out of the water and killed it and boiled it.’ He said ‘don’t tell me you love the
fish; you love yourself, and because the fish taste good to you, therefore you
took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.’
So much of what is love is fish-love.”
This defines so well what is selfish love, based on what you get from the
person loved – or supposedly so. It is common, usually unconscious, and more
often than not toxic. And it is not limited to young love and couples, it affects
any type of relationship and at any age: children, elderly, friends, anyone can
apply selfish love to the recipient of their attention. The selfish lover will say ‘I
love you’ to hear ‘I love you’ in return, he will talk about love to get love.
Selfish love is wanting to be with someone because of how they make you
feel. It engages conditions and expectations.
In the opposite, selfless love is based on what you give to the person loved
– attention, support, love – with the only aim to make that person happy.
Selfless love is wanting someone to be happy regardless of their feelings
towards you. It is unconditional.
“And so, a young couple falls in love, a young man and a young woman fall in
love, what does that mean? That means that he saw in this woman someone
who provide him with all that physical emotions and needs, and she saw in
this man somebody she feels that she can wed, and that was love; but each
one is looking after their own needs. It is not love for the other, the other
person becomes a vehicle for their gratification. Too much of what is called
love is fish-love.”
On the other hand, if the other lover is also a ‘fish-lover’, then maybe
between two fish-lovers the relationship will work, as long as they are happy
with a superficial love.
Now, that part of the talk left me slightly uncomfortable. First of all, I
do not believe that everybody loves themselves. To the contrary, the
insecurity and need within the fish-love shows that there is a hole within that
person and a search of an eternal element to fill it. Also, to say that ‘now that
part of me is becoming you, there is part of me in you that I love’, isn’t it fish-
love too? It could translate that I love you for the part in me I have invested in
you. I would much rather be loved for who I am as a whole, thank you very
much! No, I much prefer to believe that you give to those you love because
you want them to have the best.