Fear (opening number)

Stacy: Excuse me? Can you please help me? You

see, I have a little thing that, everyone can
see. Its called a fear. Yes, I have fear. And it
would be so nice for someone to help me. There’s
an epidemic coming near. And it’s called fear,
My fear is called Mottephobia. It’s the fear of
moths.
Charlie: excuse me please, there’s an epidemic
coming near, I think I might spread it. I have a
fear and its called phasmophobia. I have this
really bad fear of ghosts.
Brad: there’s an epidemic coming near, Ensemble:
its called fear! Brad: Mine is illyngophobia.
It’s the fear of vertigo. Ensemble: we have a
little thing called a fear. Everyone believes an
epidemic is coming near! We can’t find a cure.
For this little thing everyone calls fear. FEAR!
Agyrophobia, fearing crossing the street. FEAR!
Ablutophobia, you’re too scared to bathe. FEAR!
Hippomonstrosesquippedaliphobia is when you’re
scared of long words. FEAR! You can’t fake this
one kids. Didaskaleinophobia, is the actual fear
of going to school. FEAR! Optophobia is when
you’re too scared to even open up your eyes.
FEAR! We dearly hope no one is scared of being
ugly because that is cacophobia. FEAR!
Lachanophobia the fear of vegetables. FEAR! If
you’ve ever screamed from a bald person, you
have peladophobia. FEAR! Nomatophobia is a fear
of names. FEAR! Ailurophobia is if you’re afraid
of cats. FEAR! Logizomechanophobia is the fear
of a piece of technology called a computer.
FEAR! Osmophobia is the fear of a smell. FEAR!
Helminthophobia is if you are afraid that you
will be infested with worms. FEAR! Mastigophobia
is a fear of punishment. FEAR! If you are too
afraid of seeing yourself in a mirror, you have
eisoptrophobia. FEAR! Too afraid of peanut
butter sticking to the very top of your mouth?
Arachibutyrophobia. FEAR! Atychiphobia, failure.
FEAR! Mnemophobia, fear of memories. FEAR!
Somniphobia, the one for sleep. FEAR! Alone,
autophobia. FEAR! Hands, chirophobia. FEAR!
Laughter, geliophobia. FEAR! The sun,
heliophobia. FEAR! Dogs, cynophobia. FEAR! And
the last on our list is phobophobia. It’s the
fear of phobias. Can you please help us? There’s
an epidemic coming near. And its for a little
known thing we have called a fear. Fears are
starting to control our planet. But some people
have it worse than us like these four kids whose
fear’s have gotten to far. Fear! Fear! Fear!

Scene 1 (classroom)
Teacher: kids, I understand that it’s almost the
end of the school year, but please continue
writing notes. Thank you Madeleine for knowing
that school is still in session.
Madeleine: great! Now im noticed by every girl
in the school.
Teacher: Madeleine Masterson! Stop using that
tone with me! I hope you learn a lesson over
manners over the summer. Girls, school here at
the Brunswick School for Girls. Get back to
writing!
Ring!
Girls: ring! Madeleine: don’t ring. Girls: ring!
Madeleine: don’t ring. Girls: ring! Madeleine:
Ugh! Why in the world does the bell have to ring
this year. I pray to god that the bell will not
ring not at all this year. Now I know that it’s
weird that I don’t want to leave but in my
defense, my mother wants me to spend all summer
with a creepy crawly ugh! I can not even say the
word. I guess I’ll just say my problem anyway. I
have arachnophobia. The fear of spiders. Im a
messed up kid. That’s what all the kids in my
class say. My mother wants me to get over this
but how is it possible to over this? Now you see
why I don’t want the bell to ring. Plus I do
really well in all of my classes. My teachers
love me in all of my classes. I don’t want this
bell to ring. Im above average especially in
world studies. Norway prime minister, Jens
Stoltenberg. Greenland’s prime minister, Hans
Enoksen. Iceland’s prime minister, Jóhanna
Sigurdardóttir. Mauritania’s president, Mohamed
Ould Abdey Aziz. Benin’s president Yayi Boni.
And plenty more. Now I’ve spent forever talking
about my knowledge. Instead of praying for this
bell not to-RIIINNNGGGG! I knew that if I prayed
for those last minutes that bell wouldn’t ring.
Now I’m stuck having to leave this school. And
confronting my fear. I’ll try to confront my
fear. Oh whose kidding me. I know that no one
will make me over this totally normal fear.
Scene 2 (outside the school/inside the car)
Mrs. Masterson: Hello, darling how was school?
Madeleine: Very well, Mummy, thank you for
asking. May I inquire whether the car has been
fumigated today?
Mrs. Masterson: Of course Maddie.
Madeleine: I do hope you’re not fibbing, mummy.
I can tell the difference. My nose is quite
discriminating.
Mrs. Masterson: Fibbing? That is ludicrous. I
assure you that the car has been thoroughly
fumigated today.
Madeleine: Thank you, mummy. Aren’t you going to
ask why I’m late?
Mrs. Masterson: No, darling.
Madeleine: Very well, then. Now, if you don’t
mind, I would very much appreciate a quarrel and
subsequent grounding. Perhaps one that lasted
the entire summer, or if necessary, even longer.
Mrs. Masterson: Don’t be afraid, Maddie; it’s
going to be just like camp.
Madeleine: I’ve been to the cinema, mummy! Camps
have poorly insulated cabins, with spiders,
millipedes, and cockroaches that will climb all
over me! I can’t possibly spend the summer in
such squalor. You know that I pray for a spider
free night every night and I sleep in a mosquito
netting.
Mrs. Masterson: Why won’t you let the
grasshopper coming into our house go.
Madeleine: It most likely would’ve crawled on my
face if Wilber hadn’t showed up.
Mrs. Masterson: Be glad that Wilber showed up. I
don’t know how our lives would be without our
exterminator. Now get in the car.
Madeleine: Ahhh!
Samantha: Don’t shoot!
Madeleine: Sorry, Samantha, I wasn’t sure what
was behind me.
Samantha: When was the last time a spider tapped
you on the shoulder? Honestly, Madeline. Well,
I’m having a party tomorrow afternoon and I
thought you might like to come.
Madeleine: Would you mind terribly having it at
my house?
Samantha: I beg your pardon?
Madeleine: The party. May we do it my house?
Samantha: then everyone will think it’s your
party.
Madeleine: I suppose that’s true. Has your house
been fumigated lately?
Samantha: Sorry, mum says she won’t fumigate.
Mrs. Masterson: Maddie dear, do you want me to
make a trip with you to go grab a slice of
pizza? So you won’t be all alone this summer?
Madeleine: No, it wouldn’t be prudent. Plus,
your mother doesn’t like the smell of bug
repellent. Which I always smell like.
Samantha: Ok, bye.
Madeleine: Mummy, next year please write a P.E.
note for me.
Mrs. Masterson: Why do I need to?
Madeleine: Mrs. Anderson is not working at
school next year so I need another note about
the flesh eating virus from the outdoor P.E.
classes.
Mrs. Masterson: And this only happens to you
outside, not inside correct?
Madeleine: Yes, because the virus feeds off of
UV rays.
Mrs. Masterson: I’m only going to do it, so you
don’t kidnap yourself over not being able to
wear your bug repelled veil and arsenal cans.
Scene 3 (Madeleine’s therapy session)
School of Fear
Mrs. Kleiner: There’s a specific reason that I
have called you in here today.
Mrs. Masterson: Whatever it is please do say.
Mrs. Kleiner: I’m pretty sure I can help your
daughter,
Mr. Masterson: Whatever it is you can tell me,
for I’m the father.
Mrs. Kleiner: Twenty years ago, my neice was
just like your daughter. Afraid of any dogs,
would like them to have been slaughtered.
Mrs. Masterson: How frightful!
Mr. Masterson: Not at all delightful.
Mrs. Kleiner: I finally found a solution.
Mr. Masterson: Is this going to go to an
execution.
Mrs. Masterson: James, you are sooooo
unbelievable. Whatever it is, let us hear.
Mrs. Kleiner: School……………of……………Fear,
Mrs. Masterson: That sent a shiver down my
spine.
Mr. Masterson: I think I need a glass of wine.