* you

first poem, age 9

Always believe in yourself

If you are afraid
Go read a book in a shelf
See the greatest things others made

When you are afraid

I'll be there by your side
Don't ever fade
Or even hide

Don't be sad
I am with you
Just always be glad
For that will make me happy too

If you feel pain

Angels will come help you
Even though it will rain
We'll be happy, me and you

If you are alone

Just call my name
I will carry you home
So tender and tame

To save and put you under my wing

That's what I'll do
I will sacrifice every single thing
Just to be with you

* down
this is stress

Daisies transform into ashes

All to see are blinding blurry flashes
Hands are tied up to invisible chains
Turning up the mouth to ease the pain

Dishes stay untouched in the kitchen sink

Still as a plant pot, too brittle to think
Sleepless nights then take over
When a second seems to take forever

Desks fill up in dusty piles

As voices proclaim words that are irate and vile
Pulling hair strands as frustration strikes
Where war and comfort zones are now alike

Deep oceans are gathered inside the lungs

As horrible songs are pleasantly sung
There's no way out when stuck in a cave
Still be drowning 'cause there's no one there to save

Dauntless spirits do not exist

False hopes are what they consist
Only are there collectors of tears;
Nothing to witness but pessimism and fear

Darkness then fulfills its duty

Here, it is echoing for eternity
There to remain, to do is to succumb
'Til the heart becomes weak and numb

Doubts, all to ever think about

No one will hear, whether you scream or shout
As somber and confusion take the crown,
Tell me, have you ever felt what it feels to be down?

* longing
for a pal

Nobody in this mysterious world

Is born to be just alone
From a wealthy man to a helpless girl
There will always be a place to call home

But in my recent situation,

It was an obstacle, a challenge
To find someone to trust upon my realization
It was causing me a lot of damage

I do have very fine chaps

Which I consider as my family
They fill up the space in me, a gap
Their great care and love is my remedy

"But why do we need friends?"

My only question ever since the beginning
"Will we have them until the end?"
I know that a piece of my heart was missing
Still, I need to find someone very worthy
Someone very right and very just
Someone who will sincerely love me
Someone who will not leave me in the dust

A friend...

* overmorrow
last days

I hope this pain would go away

I don't like hearing you telling me "Please just stay"
And I don't want to see you cry behind that smile
Don't worry...because this pain will only go for a while

I hate it when I lay sickly on my bed, not there to comfort you

'Cause I know you're being hurt and tormented too
I know that you understand my situation
But I wish there was a way to stop this aggravation

Even though I'm slowly fading away

I promise to you that I will not let myself go astray
I know to myself that I will survive
I'm still here... I'm still alive

I always think that I'm still lucky even though I'm in agony
And I always wish that this is all just a stupid fantasy
It really hurts to tell you...my dearest, my love
That in a sudden I'll be taken by the heavens above

I always say that I'm not afraid at all

But how can I open a door if all I face is a wall
Just stop crying, it's like my heart is being slammed
It makes me weak even though I'm already am

Because...you are my strength and my shield

You are the sword, to my sorrows and troubles I wield
Because of you, my life is still worth living
I've known that ever since the beginning

To others, I ask: "Why do you want to kill yourself and have a desire to die?
Does it not hurt for you to say farewell or goodbye?
Why won't you just live for others?
Instead of living a life of your own that makes you suffer"

"My situation is very different from yours

You can live or die, by choosing the right door
You can choose to be faithful or to rise up
Or you decide to be hopeless, your life, be put to a stop"

Right now, I just want to fulfill my bucket list

Even though, unexpectedly, I'll disappear in the mist
And that I only have short and limited time
I'll promise to keep it precious and sublime

As I am counting my last few days

I did the same things as always
Enjoying and celebrating life to the fullest
Showing that sadness is what I still detest

I will never think about my last words

In the tip of my tongue, hope will be heard
I will not let my life play in fast forward
To only see my reminiscence, I will play it backwards

This pain will never take control of my life

As well as damaged thoughts and a sharp knife
'Cause it makes me stronger and wiser
To you pain and sorrow, I will never surrender

My mission now is to fight the battle

I'll win this fight, my actions, I can say, so subtle
Never will I be full of fear or emptiness
Rather, will be prepared and my terrors would be less

For until my body will be chapped and rotten

I've always known that I will never be forgotten
I know that I will not have a happy ending
That's why I won't waste this life, with you, I'm spending

I'm proud to say that I survived yesterday

Another life to live is happening today
I hope I won't be gone by tomorrow
I would rather be gone by overmorrow

I say this sentence everyday

'Cause I don't want to die or decay
Just say this everyday, again and again
You don't know if death will come, you don't know when...