Narcissism

Objectives:
1. Describe the characteristics of narcissism.
2. Describe the relationship between narcissism and different
violent offenses.
3. Distinguish between narcissism and other personality traits,
and the interplay between them.

Narcissism Army Senses The Winds

z Inability to appreciate that other people have their own z 1971-73: “Today’s Army wants to join you”
existence
z 1973-79: “Join the people who’ve joined the
z Not: grandiosity
Army”
z He is a character, a franchise
z 1979-81: “This is the Army”
− The main character vs. the funny friend
− It is a created identity, actively promoted z 1981-2001: “Be all you can be”
z Has a look, has adjectives, is branded z 2001- “An Army of One”
z He cannot be alone.
z Proxies for identity
− White high heel pumps, blonde
z Then she stops dying it blonde

Comedians How do you become a narcissist?

z Seinfeld: z First born
− Yada yada yada − Why are they leaders?
− Master of my domain z Kernberg described the cold, overprotective
− Shared cultural experience mother
z Hedberg − “libidinal investment of the self”
− People use his jokes as if they made them up, z Inconsistent parenting
because they feel like they could have made them
up

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 Is it always bad?
z Protective role (intrapersonal)‫‏‬
− Adolescents, depression, failure
− Allows for heightened ability to detect lies
z Pathological (interpersonal)‫‏‬
z Borderline: 15 year old girl
− Testing identities and looks, bull sessions
z Narcissism: 3 year old boy
− Completely perplexed that you don't want them to
have it.
z Narcissists marry borderlines
− He provides the script; she provides the affirmation
− “You don't know him like I do”-- she's right
Shoes
z To a woman: possibilities
z To a man: definition
− It doesn't matter if she or he actually likes it
Borderline
z Intense, unstable relationships
z Fear of abandonment
z Unstable sense of self
− Use external markers, these change
z “What's your favorite team?”
z Narcissists are the characters; borderlines are
the actors-- the script defines them.
− Winona goes psychiatric before GI; Hudson
marries a rocker; etc.
Narcissistic Injuries
z Not an insult, not pain-- it is when the carefully
constructed identity is threatened with reality.
z Failing marriage
z Scorned boyfriend
− Leaving him isn't the injury, having a separate life is
the injury. Hence, stalking, arguing...
− Ten page letter never written
− Cheating on him is painful, but it is not a narcissistic
injury. Cheating and him not knowing is the injury.
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 Al Qaeda This is not a narcissistic injury
z Less to do with religion than with being a part of
a supportive social group
− Each affirms the identity of the other
z What word do Islamic terrorists use over and
over and over and over as justification?
− Humiliation
z The way to win is either:
− Coax them to change their identity
− Remove their significance.

What comes after injury? Are narcissists cops or robbers?

z With every narcissistic injury is a reflexive urge z No internal sense of right and wrong
to violence. − Superego evolved inside of ego, not as its master
z With every narcissistic injury is a reflexive urge z Rules are applied from without, not within
to violence.
− Law, religion, honor codes
− The two emanate from same stage of development − Strict on others to adhere to these “rules”
− You injure my identity... − Not for themselves-- expediency
− Violence maintains the roles, the movie. z “this is a different situation...”
z You will always be remembered as having been killed by
me.
z You will always remember that I killed myself because of
you.

Narcissists never feel guilt, only

Case Example: Honor Killing
shame
It was her first youthful infatuation and it would be her last. She died on
16 March after her father discovered she had been seen in public
talking to Paul, considered to be the enemy, the invader and a Christian.
Though her horrified mother, Leila Hussein, called Rand's two brothers,
Hassan, 23, and Haydar, 21, to restrain Abdel-Qader as he choked her
with his foot on her throat, they joined in. Her shrouded corpse was then
tossed into a makeshift grave without ceremony as her uncles spat on it
in disgust. (Observer May 11, 2008)‫‏‬

3
 Honor Killings: Why Not Just Banish
Case Example: Honor Killing
Her?
z'I don't have a daughter now, and I prefer to say that I never had

one. That girl humiliated me in front of my family and friends.'

z Since only he has identity, everyone else is an extension,

Abdel-Qader, a Shia, says he was released from the police station
'because everyone knows that honour killings sometimes are impossible
not to commit'..The officers were by my side during all the time I was
there, congratulating me on what I had done.'
essentially he did this. Every action is about him.
z It is a failing of his.
z Killing her says: I will never do this again.

Reality Is Irrelevant Review

z It didn't matter if she did it or not, what matters
is perception, how it reflects on him
− Preferable that she did it, but no one knows, then
she does not do it, but people think she did
z Morality is relative to you
z Denial is a psychological defense; reality is not
z “Homosexuality is punishable by death, a sentence Abdel-Qader
approves of with a passion. 'I have alerted my two sons. They will
have the same end [as Rand] if they become contaminated with any
gay relationship. These crimes deserve death...”
z Institutionalized narcissism
− Everyone affirms each others' identity
z Woman acts outside of her role
z Humiliation
z Reflexive response is violence
− She has to die
z To make it as if she never existed
z To make sure it never happens again
z No guilt over her death; only shame

Honor Killing: If wife's to blame, I'm

not What Is This?
z He said his daughter's 'bad genes were passed on from her
mother'.
z
z Rand's mother, 41, remains in hiding after divorcing her
husband in the immediate aftermath of the killing, living in fear
of retribution from his family. She also still bears the scars of the
severe beating he inflicted on her, breaking her arm in the
process, when she told him she was going. 'They cannot accept
me leaving him.'
− It's just not done! (i.e....)‫‏‬
z 'Even now, I cannot believe my ex-husband was able to kill our
daughter. He wasn't a bad person. During our 24 years of
marriage, he was never aggressive. But on that day, he was a
different person.'