See discussions, stats, and author profiles for this publication at: https://www.researchgate.

net/publication/23958380

Virtual Sex Addiction: When Cybersex Becomes the Drug of Choice

Article  in  CyberPsychology & Behavior · February 1999

DOI: 10.1089/cpb.1999.2.457 · Source: PubMed

CITATIONS READS
37 468

2 authors, including:

David Delmonico
Duquesne University
31 PUBLICATIONS   1,022 CITATIONS   

SEE PROFILE

Some of the authors of this publication are also working on these related projects:

Geocaching and Disabilities View project

Disabilities and Sexuality View project

All content following this page was uploaded by David Delmonico on 14 February 2019.

The user has requested enhancement of the downloaded file.

 Virtual Sex Addiction 1

Running head: VIRTUAL SEX ADDICTION

Virtual Sex Addiction:

When Cybersex Becomes the Drug of Choice

David L. Delmonico

Duquesne University

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Patrick J. Carnes

The Meadows

Wickenburg, Arizona

Correspondence to: Dr. David Delmonico; Duquesne University; School of Education;

Pittsburgh, PA 15282-0502; (412) 396-4032; (412) 396-5585 (fax); delmonico@duq.edu

 Virtual Sex Addiction 2

Abstract

This article explores how the concepts of cybersex and sexual addiction overlap.

Sexual addiction is explained briefly to provide the reader with the necessary information

to understand how this overlap may occur. Examination of data from recent studies in

cybersex are presented. In addition, several cybersex case examples are provided to

illuminate numerical findings with real-life clinical examples. Recommendations for

future research are presented along with the Internet Sex Screening Test to help assess

whether someone may need help with their cybersexual addiction.

 Virtual Sex Addiction 3

Virtual Sex Addiction: When Cybersex Becomes the Drug of Choice

Technology is fascinating. Sex is fascinating. It is not difficult then to understand

the surge in interest in the combined effect of technology with sex: cybersex. There are

an estimated one-half to two million sexual addicts who have access to the Internet

(Delmonico, 1997). Many do not use cybersex for their sexual acting out. However, a

growing field of research is looking at those for whom cybersex interferes and

jeopardizes various aspects of their lives.

The purpose of this article is to present cybersex as a possible form of sexual

addiction. Extensive progress has been made in the area of sexual addiction in the past ten

to fifteen years. The groundbreaking work of Carnes’ (1983) text Out of the Shadows

presented the basic theoretical underpinning of sexual addiction. This theoretical

understanding was further examined by Carnes (1991) when he interviewed nearly 1,000

sexual addicts and formulated the types of sexual addictions and stages of sexual

recovery. Earle and Crowe (1990) outlined more information about sexual addiction in

their text Lonely all the Time.

Sex addiction experts began to conduct research and suggest ways to differentially

diagnose sexual addiction. Goodman (1993; 1999) wrote about differential diagnosis of

sexual addicts and presented an integrated treatment approach to work with sexual

addicts. Along with diagnosis, assessment of sexual addiction has been a longstanding

issue to which researchers are responding with various assessment tools and techniques
 Virtual Sex Addiction 4

(Delmonico, Bubenzer, & West, 1998; Garos & Stock, 1998). While some researchers

attempt to quantify sexual addiction, clinicians such as Earle, Earle, and Osborn (1995)

attempted to record some of the various cases he was seeing which illustrated the

personal side of sexual addiction.

Literature within the field of sexual addiction continues to grow as organizations

such as the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (NCSAC) support

research to help in our understanding of sexual addiction. The Sexual Addiction and

Compulsivity Journal, now in its fifth year of publication, provides a medium that allows

researchers and clinicians, nationally and internationally, to share their knowledge and

findings about sexual addicts. The field of sexual addiction has established itself as a

viable field of research and clinical attention. The research continues as cybersex

becomes one of the most discussed topics among sexual addiction experts.

The Internet was originally designed by the United States Department of Defense

as a communication tool for top officials in case of a nuclear disaster. This idea has been

long forgotten, but the power and influence of the Internet continues. With an estimated

nine million individuals accessing the Internet daily, and over 200 billion homepages

available on the World Wide Web, the Internet remains a powerful form of multimedia

communication. Cybersex is one of these forms of multimedia communication. In the

past, postal delivery provided the primary way for individuals to access sexual materials

privately from their own home. The appeal of ‘sex in your mailbox,’ and now ‘sex in

your email box’ can be understood by what Cooper, Scherer, Boies, and Gordon (1999)

term the “Triple A” engine: Affordability, Accessibility, and Anonymity. Affordability

 Virtual Sex Addiction 5

addresses the cost of access to various types of cybersex. While hardcore pornography

magazines and videos can individually range from $20 - $40 or greater, an Internet

connection is available for approximately $20 per month with unlimited access to

thousands of sexual sites and hundreds of thousands of sexual images. The sites that one

can access may include sexual images, sexual chat rooms, sexual video clips, sexual

audio clips, live video connections for virtual interactive sex, and more. The Internet

allows an individual to pick and choose the medium that satisfies their particular genre of

sexual arousal and interest, a concept not always afforded by pornographic magazines and

videos. Accessibility refers to one’s ability to access the Internet, a process which has

become easier and more efficient over the past five to ten years. A simple software

package in combination with a modem can provide fast connectivity and easy

accessibility. In fact, accessibility has become so easy and widespread that public

libraries, cyber cafes, and other public Internet locations are confronted with the questions

of access to minors and acceptable use policies.

The final “A” in the engine represents Anonymity, referring to an individual’s

ability to access the Internet and cybersex without risking their identity. This factor can

be extremely powerful for any individual, in particular, sex addicts. Until now,

individuals risked discovery about their sexual behavior by others. Addicts may have

been concerned about a neighbor seeing them dine with an escort, or a friend seeing their

car parked at a nearby adult bookstore. The Internet provides methods of protecting

anonymity which can free individuals to take risks and engage in behaviors they may not

have considered in the “real world.” While the term “Triple A Engine” is Cooper’s, these
 Virtual Sex Addiction 6

themes are not much different than those discussed by Delmonico (1997) when he wrote

that isolation, fantasy, anonymity, and cost are the primary factors that perpetuate sexual

use of the Internet. Regardless of how the terminology is used, it cannot be disputed that

the Internet is an efficient means of gaining access to a variety of sexual materials.

Some argue that this efficiency is beneficial to our society and allows those who

may experiment with unsafe sexual practices in “real life” to have an opportunity to

engage more safely through cybersex. In fact, Cooper, et al. (1999) refers to two

diverging views regarding sex on the Internet: “the pathological perspective” and “the

adaptive perspective.” While the “Triple A Engine” could support either view, sexual

addiction literature suggests that there is a line which is crossed where adaptation and

experimentation turns to pathology. Schneider (1994, p. 28) simplifies the concept of

addiction as having three main components:

(1) Compulsivity, defined as the loss of the ability to choose freely whether to

stop or continue a behavior.

(2) Continuation of the behavior despite adverse consequences, such as loss of

health, job, marriage, or freedom.

(3) Obsession with the activity

When these characteristics are combined with other factors (e.g., isolation,

anonymity, high frequency of use, etc.) it can present a difficult and potentially dangerous

situation for an individual, namely cybersex addiction.

Delmonico (1997) describes three forms of cybersex. The first is the online

exchange of pornography. This can take place in many different areas of the Internet.
 Virtual Sex Addiction 7

Pornography may be exchanged via email, electronic discussion groups, newsgroups, chat

rooms, and the World Wide Web homepages. The ultimate goal of this form of cybersex

is to obtain text-based or visual pornography. The second form of cybersex is the

synchronous (live) modes of communication (e.g., chat rooms, audio, video, etc.). Often

individuals who utilize these forms of cybersex start cybersexing by forming pseudo-

relationships which may, in turn, lead to exchanging pornography, engaging in cybersex

(i.e., mutual online masturbation), or meeting offline to engage in sexual relations.

However, there are some Internet users who prefer brief, anonymous, one time encounters

with cybersex partners on the Internet. The final form does not take place online, but

involves the purchase of software containing pornography or other sexually explicit

materials. Cooper, et al. (1999) suggested that there may be a gender issue underlying the

type of cybersex in which individuals engage. He reported that men prefer visual erotica

(pornography), while women report favoring chatrooms. A similar finding in the sexual

addiction literature is that men sex addicts tended to act out sexually through objectifying

others, while women preferred seduction and power (Carnes, 1991).

The use or abuse of cybersex is not the sole factor in identifying a sexual

addiction. Some individuals report using cybersex on the Internet, but are clearly not

sexual addicts or cybersex addicts. In fact, Cooper, Delmonico, and Burg (in press)

reported that 31 percent of sexual addicts he surveyed (n=9,177) disclosed using the

Internet less than one hour per week for sexual purposes. At the other end of the

continuum, Cooper, Delmonico, & Burg (in press) reported on another group of

individuals referred to as the “cybersex addict” who scored high on measures of sexual
 Virtual Sex Addiction 8

compulsivity and reported engaging in cybersex more than 11 hours per week. Although

this group may be a small minority (< 1%), they represent the purest form of cybersex

addicts and warrant the attention of clinicians and researchers.

Cooper, et. al. (1999) wrote that 8.3 percent of the 9,177 respondents to an online

survey reported spending more than 11 hours per week in pursuit of online sexual

material. The majority of these individuals (51%) acknowledged that their pursuit of

sexual material on the Internet has interfered with a major life area (e.g., work, personal

life, education, social, etc.). In another online survey, Carnes reported that of those

scoring high on Sexual Addiction Screening Test (Carnes, 1989), 65 percent admitted

they have experienced life difficulties due to their interest with sex on the Internet

(Carnes, personal communication, July, 1999). Young (1997) stated that the overall

number of people who engage in cybersex may not experience life difficulties. Despite

this fact however, there is a significant minority that deems our research and clinical

attention.

While the amount of time one spends online pursuing sexual material is one factor

in the equation for sexual addiction, another factor is how much “power” the behavior has

over the individual. For example, simply because an individual consumes large quantities

of alcohol, it does not necessarily make the individual alcohol dependent. Similarly,

someone may spend a great deal of time using the Internet for cybersex, but frequency, in

and of itself, does not make him a sex addict. Other factors must be taken into account

and measured in order to determine if the person is truly out of control with his

cybersexual behavior and if it is affecting major life areas. Consider the case of Jerry.
 Virtual Sex Addiction 9

Jerry is a 50 year-old male who has enjoyed cybersex pornography online for the

past couple of years. He has always told himself that there is no real harm in it.

His wife of thirteen years is unaware of his cybersex use and thinks that he stays

up late at night to get work done or pay bills. One thing she has noticed though is

how tired Jerry seems. She has made comments about his computer time getting

later and later. His typical bedtime has been slowly pushed to around 4:00 am.

On several occasions he has gone without any sleep. He has called off work more

in the last six months than he had for the last fifteen years. His calling off and

lack of productivity has not gone unnoticed at work where he has been

reprimanded several times by his superiors. The final straw came when his wife

noticed the credit card bill on Jerry’s desk. The total bill for one month was near

$800. As she reviewed the charges it became apparent to her that Jerry had been

purchasing time on pornography sites from the Internet. When Jerry was

confronted he admitted to his pornography use and the large bill, but still was

unable to see that there was a problem with his behavior.

The case of Jerry is not unique. The online pornography revenues for the top

companies are estimated at $100 million per year, with the industry making over $1

billion per year (Diamond, 1999). Even the smaller online pornography sites, which grow

at a rate of over 200 new sites per month, gross about $3,000 per month. Financial,

occupational, and interpersonal concerns are evident in the case of Jerry and common

among those who use cybersex in excess.

 Virtual Sex Addiction 10

In order to help determine if an individual may be addicted to cybersex as part of

their sexual addiction, Figure One presents a common set of questions that can be used

for screening purposes. The more “True” responses the more likely that individual is

having difficulty with cybersex and the more necessary it becomes for a comprehensive

assessment for sexual addiction.

_______________________________________________

INSERT FIGURE ONE ABOUT HERE

_______________________________________________

The process of becoming sexually addicted is a very complex one. It is not

traceable to a single event or behavior. The Internet provides a powerful way for the sex

addict to act out the addiction, but few would argue that the Internet creates sexual

addicts. Take for example the case of Irene:

Irene was 35 years old and married to her husband Tom for the past 19 years. She

started learning computers in order to support the business she operated from her

home. She became more involved with the Internet and discovered online chat

rooms. At first, she developed some relationships online and enjoyed the

friendships and comradery of others who were in similar positions. Irene did not

have a particularly strong self-image and found that talking to males online was

freeing for her. She met Stan, a married man from Atlanta. She would spend

hours online chatting with Stan. They exchanged phone numbers and addresses

and began making phone calls and writing letters to one another. Stan was

traveling for business in Irene’s area of the country, he contacted her and they met
 Virtual Sex Addiction 11

for dinner. Irene was not particularly physically attracted to Stan, but she went to

his hotel and had sexual intercourse with him. This occurred multiple times, all

the while, she continued to meet other men online and engage in similar

behaviors. Irene was unable to sustain her home business because of time spent

online, she had alienated nearly all her friends and family including her husband

and children. She was emotionally distressed, often cycling from depression to

mania; her life was out of control. Although she knew this, she was unable to

stop pursuing her pseudo-relationships online, and meeting with men she met

online for sex.

Although one would not argue that the Internet caused Irene to become a sexual

addict, it did provide her with a new freedom and a new way of sexually acting out that

was not previously known to her. The combination of the inability to stop cybersexing,

ignoring of consequences of cybersexing, and the obsession with cybersex are all signs of

a sexual addict using cybersex to quench their addiction.

The case examples within this article coupled with research in the sexual

addiction and cybersex fields prompt three important suppositions: (a) those who have

long term sexual recovery may face extreme difficulty when faced with the power of

cybersex on the Internet; (b) cybersex on the Internet may be a powerful “trigger” for

those who had been able to monitor and control their sexual behavior previously; and, (c)

those who have never acted out their sexual addiction, may be more inclined through the

lure of the Internet.

 Virtual Sex Addiction 12

In recent years, addiction studies have started to recant the idea that “addiction” is

a term strictly for use in defining chemical addictions, and that behaviors such as

cybersex may well be thought of as a “drug of choice.” In fact, Milkman and Sunderwirth

(1987) began discussing the idea that addiction is really an underlying process which

triggers a number of neurotransmitters in the brain. The “high” one experiences after

using a “drug” is more related to the changes in the brain than it is to the actual substance

used. This idea contributed to what is known as the study of “process addictions” - those

addictions which do not require the ingestion of substances. If one can ascribe to the idea

that the brain chemistry plays a major role in the addiction, it is easy to understand that

the underlying process of addiction remains regardless of the “drug (behavior) of choice.”

The individuals discussed in this paper have all discovered that using cybersex generates

pleasure and permits escape for short periods of time. As the concept of tolerance is

added to the definition, individuals discover that they need more of the behavior (or

higher risk behavior) in order to achieve the same level of pleasure as previously

experienced. Add to that the idea of withdraw, where process addicts report experiencing

physical symptomology (e.g., headaches, stomach pains, severe emotional reactions,

confusion, difficulty in concentration, etc.), and the overlap between cybersex and

addiction becomes more clear. Review the case of Raymond which illustrates how

concepts of tolerance and withdrawal may be applied to process addictions such as

cybersex.

Raymond is a 27 year old male. He has struggled with sexual issues in his past,

including compulsive masturbation, voyeurism and exhibitionism. Raymond feels

 Virtual Sex Addiction 13

sex has always been a way to connect to others. His discovery of the Internet

about one year ago was at first freeing for him. Raymond is gay and has not

admitted his sexual orientation to anyone. Now he feels he can be free in

admitting to his orientation because of the anonymity of the online environment.

Raymond engages in cybersex primarily in chat rooms. It is there that he can act

out his wildest fantasies without the risk of rejection or disease. After

cybersexing with the same man several times over the past month, he finally

accepted the invitation to share his real name and phone number with the other

man, breaking a promise he had made to himself at the start. After several phone

conversations and continued cybersex with the man, he agreed to meet him at a

local restaurant, crossing yet another line. Raymond was frightened by the man at

the restaurant because he told Raymond of sexual fantasies that involved bondage

and suffocation of his sex partner. Raymond swore he would never talk with him

again. The meeting scared Raymond so much that he vowed off cybersex with

anyone. Raymond became sleepless at night, reported headaches during the day,

and he felt obsessed with getting back onto the computer. When he could fight

the obsession no longer, he found himself online making arrangements to meet

another man for sex.

Although Raymond’s story sounds extreme, it is a good example of someone who

starts out with no intention of cybersex leading to sexual contact. Raymond continues to

increase risky behaviors to achieve sexual arousal. He violates all of the boundaries that

he has set for himself to stay safe. When he finally realizes how out of control his
 Virtual Sex Addiction 14

behavior has become, he is faced with withdrawal symptoms, including an obsession to

which he succumbs and places himself back at risk once again.

Discussion

Cybersex is a powerful way to transmit sexual information over the Internet. For

many, this form of sex can be freeing, adaptive, and acceptable. However, there is

another group of individuals who use cybersex as their drug of choice. Clinicians and

researchers need to be aware of this group of cybersex addicts and focus their attention on

assessment and treatment techniques to help those whose lives are out of control with

respect to sex on the Internet.

Future research should focus on understanding the individuals who use cybersex

to the extreme and what separates them from other users. Researchers such as Carnes,

Cooper, Delmonico, and Young have already started this effort to understand the process

behind cybersex. Further research is necessary in the assessment and treatment process

for individuals who reach out for help with this problem. There is little literature to

support various assessment and treatment modalities.

Finally, those individuals within the field of psychology need to be cognizant of

and accept that cybersex can be a “drug of choice” for certain individuals. While

traditional treatment techniques, such as use of the 12-Step model, may work for some, it

is important to remember the strength of sex on the Internet lies within its affordability,

accessibility, and anonymity. Although most addictions area fueled by these same

concepts, it is in the isolation and fantasy of cybersex which lead to the entrenched
 Virtual Sex Addiction 15

patterns of behaviors that make it difficult to treat. The continual growth in Internet use

offers good evidence that this problem will continue to grow. Recognizing cybersex as a

viable form of sexual addiction will support the notion that more research is necessary,

but until that time, clients will present in desperation with these issues and clinical

intervention is warranted.
 Virtual Sex Addiction 16

References

Carnes, P. J. (1983). Out of the shadows. Minneapolis, MN: CompCare.

Carnes, P. J. (1989). Contrary to love: Helping the sexual addict. Minneapolis,

MN: CompCare.

Carnes, P. J. (1991). Don’t call it love. New York, NY: Bantam.

Carnes, P. J. (1991). Gender differences in normal and sexually-addicted

populations. American Journal of Preventive Psychiatry and Neurology, 3(1), 16-23.

Cooper, A., Scherer, C., Boies, S., & Gordon, B. (1999). Sexuality and the

Internet: From sexual exploration to pathological expression. Professional Psychology,

30(2), 154-164.

Cooper, A., Delmonico, D. L., Burg, R. (in press). Cybersex users and abusers:

New findings and what you need to know about treating them. Sexual Addiction &

Compulsivity: Journal of Treatment and Prevention.

Delmonico, D. L., Bubenzer, D. L., & West, J. D. (1998). Assessing sexual

addiction with the Sexual Dependency Inventory - Revised. Sexual Addiction &

Compulsivity: Journal of Treatment and Prevention, (5)3, 179 - 187.

Delmonico, D. L. (1997). Cybersex: High tech sex addiction. Sexual Addiction &

Compulsivity: Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 4(2), 159-167.

Diamond, D. (1999, February). The sleaze squeeze. Business2.0, 35-45.

Earle, M. R., Earle, R. H., & Osborn, K. (1995). Sex addiction: Case studies and

management. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner/Mazel.

 Virtual Sex Addiction 17

Earle, R. H., & Crow, G. M. (1990). Lonely all the time. New York, NY: Pocket

Books.

Garos, S. & Stock, W. A. (1998). Measuring disorders of sexual frequency and

control: The Garos Sexual Behavior Index. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: Journal of

Treatment and Prevention, 5(3), 159 - 177.

Goodman, A. (1993). Diagnosis and treatment of sexual addiction. Journal of

Sex & Marital Therapy, 19(3), 225-241.

Goodman, A. (1999). Sexual addiction: An integrated approach. International

Universities Press.

Milkman, H., & Sunderwirth, S. (1987). Craving for ecstasy. San Francisco, CA:

Jossey-Bass.

Schneider, J.P. (1994). Sex addiction: Controversy within mainstream addiction

medicine, diagnosis based on the DSM-III-R and physician case histories. Sexual

Addiction & Compulsivity: Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 1(1), 19-44.

Young, K.S. (1997). Internet addiction: What makes computer-mediated

communication habit forming? Paper presented at the 105th Annual convention of the

American Psychological Association, Chicago, IL.

Reprint Requests: Dr. David Delmonico; Duquesne University; School of Education;

Pittsburgh, PA 15282-0502; (412) 396-4032; (412) 396-5585 (fax); delmonico@duq.edu

View publication stats