Wives Manual Revised October 2017

Wives Manual
& Devotional
Dear Missionary Wives,
This Missionary Wives Manual was written with the intention of encouraging you in your
ministry. Our aim is to give you both practical and spiritual direction in this great new ministry
you are ready to embark upon. We trust that in this manual you will find helpful advice from
former Pastor’s wives who have been where you are now!
I clearly remember Brian’s ordination service and my feelings after it was over. I was now
married to an “ordained minister” who was my husband! Now what? The, now what, came
after we had been accepted by Village Missions and sent to our first field in Iowa.
We both felt as though nothing had really prepared us for what it would be like to be called
“Pastor” and the “Pastor’s Wife” while unloading our U-Haul at the parsonage door. What a
great privilege to have that title and “shepherd” God’s flock, but also a tremendous responsibility
to hold before Him.
Just in case any of these thoughts or feelings have come to you, we want you to know that you
are not alone and this manual was put together with you in mind. We trust that God will use it in
your ministry.
This manual has undergone revisions through the years but we believe that its advice is still
practical and that it has undergone the test of time. If you are already serving on a field and have
not read this manual in years, I would encourage you to read it once again for a fresh look
forward on what it means to be a Village Missionary wife.
Serving Him together,
Carole Wechsler
1Thess. 5:24 (NIV) “The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it..”
This Manual has been categorized into six basic areas:
1. You and Your God

2. You and Your Husband
3. You and Your Family
4. You and Your Congregation
5. You and Your Community
6. You and Yourself
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
I. You and Your God……………………………………………….1-14
II. You and Your Husband…………………………………………15-30
III. You and Your Family…………………………………………..31-50
IV. You and Your Congregation…………………………………...51-80
V. You and Your Community……………………………………...81-88
VI. You and Yourself……………………………………………….89-102
VII. Recommended Reading………………………………………….103
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will
carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians
1:6 NIV
All Scripture references taken from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.
Revised 10/17
YOU AND YOUR GOD
(Wives devotional; week 1)
Of the six basic relationships covered in this manual, this first one is naturally the most
important. Its importance is based upon the fact that when your relationship with God is right,
other areas of your life will tend to fall into place easily. When your own personal fellowship
and communion with the Lord is not maintained, every other area of your life and ministry will
suffer. This is the area where Satan aims his greatest offensive—if he can hinder your
relationship with God, he has won a great victory and an ability to mar your other vital
relationships. Jesus says that we can do nothing without Him and we need to remember this in
our ministry.
We have all had those moments when we wonder, “Why am I a pastor’s wife? How I’d love to
just “chuck” it all and just be me!” Not always, but often, these times of frustration can be traced
back to a letdown in our own spiritual life.
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Week 1 -"YOU AND YOUR GOD" (1)
Scripture Reading -Isaiah 12: 1-6
This week's reading is a reminder of our personal standing with God through Jesus Christ. This
most important of life's relationships can never be taken lightly. He alone is essential in our lives.
We should often ponder in our hearts that time when we first truly realized we were a child of
God --that we had been saved eternally through faith in Jesus Christ and His atoning death for us.
1. Write down a brief remembrance of that time, recalling how you felt.
2. What verse or verses of Scripture have helped you most in times when the joy of being born
again needed to be rekindled?
3. According to Isaiah 12:4, what is the natural response of realizing we are eternally saved?
JOURNAL
This week write a "Psalm of Praise" expressing how you feel about your salvation. Reread it
each day, adding additional praises.
PRAYER ...
Dear Lord, I think I need so many things, but all I really need is you. This week, I pray You will
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1. TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART . . . (wives devotional; week 2)
Of course, this is the step that brought us into a personal relationship with the Lord in the first
place. The fact of our eternal salvation through faith in the atoning death of Jesus Christ on
Calvary should never fail to thrill our hearts and fill us with overflowing joy and gratitude.
Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. . .” This is simply and honestly
placing God first—before husband, children, home, church, self or technology. This is possible
only as we are willing to give to Him a place of top priority, and He is able to assume this place
only as we spend time alone with Him.
Many pastors’ wives (and pastors, too) will admit the difficulty in maintaining this essential and
vital time alone with the Lord. Do not be deceived into thinking that all your associations with
the “spiritual”, i.e. lesson preparation, Bible classes, church services, teaching and the like, will
compensate for a lack of personal “quiet time”. It won’t!
Jesus Himself is our example. Many verses, such as Luke 9:18, show us the value He placed on
time alone with the Heavenly Father. (“..when Jesus was praying in private..”) If Jesus,
Himself God, recognized this need, how much more we, as frail humans, need this “time apart”!
The blaring question is, “How can I, with my busy schedule, and family of small children, and
all that is required of me, find time to be alone with God?” How can I meet my own spiritual
needs in spite of the seemingly impossible demands on my life and time?”
In the first place, you will never “find time”—it is something you must work out according to
your own schedule, personality and needs. We will all admit that “first thing in the morning” is
ideal. This requires sacrifice and discipline—especially if you are a “night person”, one who
hates crawling out of bed in the morning—but it is well worth every effort. Rise a short time
before the rest of your household to set your own spiritual house in order for the day.
God still answers prayer! When we ask Him to help us make (not find) time, He will honor this
God still answers prayer! When we ask Him to help us make (not find) time, He will honor this
request in amazing ways. Spending at least five or ten minutes earnestly seeking God‘s face,
with a portion of Scripture and a sincere prayer for guidance and strength. The more time spent
alone with God will truly enhance your spiritual walk. The real danger in planning your time
with the Lord for later is that it is so easy to allow other things in your busy schedule, such as
those endless interruptions, to crowd out this time.
Mothers with small babies and toddlers often have “nap time” as their time to be alone with the
Lord. Others with school age children have successfully established a time with the Lord after
the children have left for school, or started their schoolwork at home. Others find their special
time at the close of the day. Do what is best for you, but do it!
In defense of early morning devotions, here are five reasons why one Village Missionary wife
chose this time for her time with the Lord:
1. I have privacy—no one else is up.

2. I am always at my best then, and I want to give my best time to Him.
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3. My mind doesn’t wander, and I don’t fall asleep.
4. I receive strength for the day.
5. I always ask Him to help me manage time and priorities for the day, and he does!
Don’t hesitate to enlist your husband’s cooperation by asking him to “mind the ranch” for fifteen
to twenty minutes while you go off for a private tryst with your Lord. The results in your own
life, overflowing to his, should make him more than willing to help out.

Scripture Reading -Psalm 143:6-12
This week we are thinking about how essential prayer is to our spiritual well-being --as essential
as breathing to our physical lives. Sadly, however, in the busyness of being involved in the
ministry, prayer often becomes a neglected thing. Prayer takes work and discipline, but the
results are more than worth the effort.
1. From Psalm 143, select specific things that will happen as we pray. (Vs. 7-11)
2. Why is prayer essential to us personally when God already knows our needs? (Matthew 6:8)
3. What promises from Scripture have been especially encouraging to you in your prayer life?
JOURNAL...
What time of day is best for you to have your personal quiet time, and how can you assure that it
will be kept, at least the majority of the time? This week, keep track of these special times alone
with the Lord. Note specific answers to prayer or blessings you receive.
PRAYER...
Dear Lord, as I spend time with You, help me to remember prayer is two- way communication.
Help me to listen to You speak and as I do
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Guard this time jealously—it is vital to your very existence. (Wives devotional; week 3)
Keep in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:25) Remember your “quiet time” is just the start. Take
Him with you through your day. Pray for people who come to mind, throw up prayers for
wisdom, strength, calmness as you parent and interact with other people throughout the day. Live
the reality of 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (“Pray without ceasing.”) Learn to take advantage of
waiting — a portion of Scripture read while waiting for a doctor’s appointment; prayer while
driving to the store (eyes open!); five minutes here and there during a lull in the day. Have a cup
of coffee and a snack of Living Bread (what a wonderful mid-morning “pick-me-up”!). Read
verses while waiting for someone to arrive for an appointment, pray while waiting: for sleep to
come, while folding clothes, ironing, or washing dishes. These moments with Him will fortify
you spiritually throughout the day.
Keep a prayer list or journal, a reminder to yourself of those things which are important for you
to remember in prayer. As you have prayer needs come to your mind, or as you tell people you
will pray for them, pray immediately and jot it down so you will not forget to pray. Look
constantly to the indwelling Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom. He has promised to provide it
in answer to the prayer of faith. James 1:5-6.
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Scripture Reading -Colossians 1:9-14
God desires our fellowship with Him through prayer. Our walk with Him should be a moment by
moment experience, not a hurried time once a day or week. And God wants our praying to be
intelligent, not just "help and bless"! Paul's prayer for the Colossians contains some exciting
requests.
1. Which of these requests should you be praying for yourself, your family and congregation?
2. What do you think I Thessalonians 5:18 really means?
3. What great encouragement regarding prayer do you receive from Rom. 8:26 and John 17:9?
JOURNAL ...
In your journal this week, jot down some special, unscheduled times of prayer you have had, and
the results. See if you can discover ways to make prayer more a part of your moment by moment
daily walk. What special times of your day could you salvage for times of prayer and
meditation?
PRAYER...
Oh Jesus, You know how busy I am. Forgive my hurried prayers and in Your mercy
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2. LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING . . . (wives devotional; week 4)
It is so important that we get our teeth into this truth! My understanding is that I have a day
before me—“x” number of hours and “x” number of things that must be accomplished. When
my plans are upset by interruptions, I don’t understand it. What do I do?
Simple—don’t trust in your own understanding. Remember that early morning meeting with
your God? You committed your day to Him, therefore, you can rest in the assurance that He has
already planned it for you and your best. As we learn to view interruptions as God’s
appointments and opportunities to be used of Him, then we avoid the frustrations of seeing our
well-laid plans go down the drain.
As the day ends, you will look back and see failures, frustrations and unfinished plans—the
result of those interruptions that are part and parcel of parsonage life. Confess your feelings to
God—the resentments at interruptions, the unfinished tasks, the wrong choices in priorities.
Confess them and forget them without harboring regrets. Begin new and fresh with His help
tomorrow.
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Scripture Reading -Mark 6:31-34
Our days often do not go as we had planned, and interruptions can be so frustrating. This week's
Scripture is an excellent example of plans disrupted. Jesus had taken His disciples away for
much needed rest. But the throngs of people found them and “stormed the fort”! Sound familiar?
1. How did Jesus respond to these unplanned interruptions?
2. How do you respond to interruptions, especially unpleasant ones?
3. What verse can you memorize to help you cope with this difficult time? (perhaps Ps. 37:23)
JOURNAL …
This week, jot down the unplanned things in your week. Were they an irritation or a blessing?
How are you learning to recognize these interruptions as God's opportunities?
PRAYER. ..
Dear Lord, You know what each day holds for me. I want to
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3. IN ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM . . . (wives devotional; week 5)
As we learn to not “lean not on your own understanding” we find ourselves automatically “in
all your ways submit to him” (Proverbs 3:5-6). What a blessing it is to learn the comfort of this
verse, especially in our lives as pastors’ wives. Try only to please the Lord! If you try to please
all the members of your congregation, you will find yourself pulled out of shape like a “glob of
play dough”.
“Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving
thanks to God the Father through him.”- Colossians 3:17
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human
masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It
is the Lord Christ you are serving.”- Colossians 3:23-24
These verses are good advice for God’s servants!
We need to acknowledge God in the matter of priorities. What is most important for me to do
with today’s precious hours? As God’s children, we are not choosing between “good and bad”,
but between “good, better and best”, and it is often hard to know the difference. Only God can
impart this discernment as we acknowledge His guidance of our ways.
We have somehow come up with the mistaken logic that “busyness” is fruitfulness, but often
busyness is barrenness. Busyness can be like running on a treadmill—lots of activity and sweat,
but you simply don’t go anywhere.
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Scripture Reading -Luke 10:38-42
This week's Scripture reading is the very familiar story of our dear friend, Martha, so like so
many of us! Her problem was not her willingness to serve, but her willingness to let her serving
become cumbersome. In her desire to be used, she missed the opportunity to be blessed.
1. We often hear of having a "servant’s heart." Martha obviously had one. What then was her
problem?
2. What important lessons are there in the words of Jesus in verse 42?
3. How can verse 42 help you in establishing priorities?
JOURNAL ...
With what things are you prone to become encumbered in your ministry? This week evaluate
your involvement with home, family, ministry and community and decide if there are "busy"
things you can eliminate to make your time more effective.
PRAYER...
Dear Lord, being a pastor's wife is sometimes so demanding and I don't know when to say "no".
Help me
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Some pastors’ wives have testified of breakdowns—nervous, physical and mental—because of

this very problem. We sometimes feel that our position automatically obligates us to teach
Sunday School, preside over all the ladies’ activities, go calling with our husbands, have a
spotless home and well-disciplined children, serve as husband’s secretary, type the bulletin, plan
V.B.S., lead Junior Church, be chauffeur for the community, have a listening ear for everyone,
oversee the youth program, play the piano, clean the church—and the list goes on and on, all to
be done with a smile and an unending supply of energy.
We need to admit that we are not indispensable to the Lord’s work. We will never be able to do
everything that needs to be done, nor will we be able to please all of the people in our
congregation.
Sound advice on this subject was gleaned through many years of ministry as a Village
Missionary wife.
1. Our priorities must always be kept in proper perspective.
a) Love for the Lord (time with Him).
b) Special quality time with husband (not on business).
c) Availability for our children (for play and conversation).
d) The running of your home (part of your testimony to the community and a model to your
children).
e) Church activities (limited).
f) Community activities (attend if possible, yet not get involved deeply in committees.)
2. Realize that people do not expect as much from you as you may think.
3. Learn to communicate with your husband, to tell him when you do not feel you can handle
something or that you need help. He needs to know that you are not a superwoman, too!
Our husbands can be a big help to us in regard to saying no to all the activities in the church. He
can take the pressure off of us by asking us not to do certain things. We should ask his advice
when confronted by a church member about taking a position. If he says no, you can relate that
message. Use his authority and wisdom to help you say no.
An experienced Village Missionary shares these thoughts: “In the ministry, prayer is our secret
weapon that requires a daily personal time with God. In my devotions I have found reading
Scripture first gets my focus on GOD and who He is and what He can do! I have used a
wonderful book of 365 daily readings of related Scriptures of mostly promises and
encouragement. I choose a verse for the day, and write it out in my prayer journal along with my
talk with God. There is something about writing out your prayers that releases the burden of
your heartfelt concerns. You can visually see they have been committed to Him. Also, you can
look back and see how God has answered your prayers.”
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Scripture Reading -Isaiah 40:28-31
What marvelous promises are contained in this week's Scripture reading! God never faints, nor
grows weary. His understanding is infinite! He has made His power and strength available to us
and has promised to give us wisdom for each day's needs. As a result, as we moment by moment
wait on Him, HE WILL renew our strength.
1. Can you recall a specific time when you trusted in your own strength and suffered as a result?
2. What things in your ministry make you feel "weary" and why?
3. What does the phrase "wait on the Lord" say to you personally?
JOURNAL. ..
This week read again, carefully, the priorities on pages 4 and 5 of the Manual. List your priorities
in the order you actually have them right now....be honest! What "shifting around" needs to be
done?
PRAYER. ..
Lord Jesus, You have promised ''as your day, so shall your strength be”. I need
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4. HE SHALL DIRECT THY PATH . . (wives devotional; week 7).
Please re-read the verses (Proverbs 3:5-6) again. Notice that they contain three conditions to be
met by us:
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways submit to him…
And the result is one blessed promise from Him! “He will make your paths straight (or direct
them)!” As we let God fill and direct our lives (the result of the personal time spent with Him in
prayer and the Word), we will find Him directing in every area of our ministry—whether it is in
relation to our families or the congregation or the community.
An important truth to remember is that we will not be able to touch lives for Him unless our lives
have first been touched by Him. Often we find time to do the things we want to do or the things
we enjoy doing such as socializing, gardening, reading, etc., but don’t take time in our daily
schedule to be with the Lord. Sometimes we, as pastors’ wives, try so hard to be a blessing when
in reality, total commitment to Christ will “make us a blessing”. Christ living in you (Galatians
2:20) will touch other lives, your life a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1) will be holy, acceptable
and reasonable to God and a vessel of ministry to others.
As we view the task and responsibilities before us, the question which comes to mind is an
echoing of the Apostle Paul. “Who is sufficient for these things?” (II Corinthians 2:16) This
wise servant of God provides the answer in the next chapter (II Corinthians 3:5).
“Our sufficiency is of God”. Let Him, through a personal, vital, day by day, moment by
moment contact, be that Living Sufficiency in your life!
Additional Recommended Reading:
• Disciplines Of The Heart By Anne Ortland Inspirational Press
• Calm My Anxious Heart By Linda Dillow Navpress
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Scripture Reading -Psalm 37: 1- 7
As in Proverbs 3:5-6, in Psalm 37 God has given us some beautiful promises based upon acts of
obedience on our part:
(vs. 3) Trust, do good --dwell, be fed.
(vs. 4) Delight --give heart's desires.
(vs. 5) Commit, trust --bring it to pass.
Verse 6 says, as a result of these things, He will cause our righteousness (actually His
righteousness in us) to shine as clearly as noonday light in a darkened world.
1. What does it mean to "delight" in the Lord? (Look up "delight" in a dictionary, then make a
spiritual application.)
2. What are some of the desires of our hearts when we delight in the Lord?
3. "Rest in the Lord" --"wait patiently". What is the Lord saying to you in these verses?
" JOURNAL ...

This week write down ways you are learning to put Psalm 37 into practice, i.e., trusting,
delighting, committing, resting, waiting. What have been the results in your life?
PRAYER...
Lord Jesus, I am so prone to trust myself and my situation instead of You. This week help me to
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YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND
(wives devotional; week 8)
Next to your relationship to God, your most important relationship is with your husband.
Marriage is God’s plan for mankind to give us the greatest human happiness possible on earth.
God created woman to be a helper for man (Genesis 2:18). This means she is to be his
completer—not his competitor.
God uses the marriage relationship over and over to describe the relationship between Christ and
the Church—the Bride of Christ. Read carefully Ephesians 5:22-33 for a clear understanding of
this.
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Week 8 -"YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND" (1)
Scripture Reading -Ephesians 5:22-27
Marriage is God's beautiful plan for a man and a woman. Unfortunately, our society has deeply
marred the marriage relationship and takes lightly the commitment which is vital to this God-
ordained union.
Notice in this week's Scripture the husband is commanded to love his wife with the same
intensity that Christ loves the Church.
1. Read Genesis 2:24-25. Can you detect four foundation pillars necessary to a successful
marriage? (Need help? Answers on week 15.)
2. The husband's role is to________________. The wife's role is to ________________. How

do these two work together?
3. What will be the natural results when the husband truly loves and the wife truly submits?
JOURNAL...
This week ponder Christ's great love for His Bride, the Church. Jot down some of the things He
does for the Church and how they relate to your marriage. How should the Church’s response to
Christ be reflected in your respect for your husband?
PRAYER...
Lord Jesus, I thank You that I am part of Your Body, the Bride of Christ. Because I am , I pray
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1. RESPECT HIM (Ephesians 5:33). . . (wives devotional; week 9)
This is an element that is missing in many marriages and yet God expects it to be a part of ours.
Respect your husband for who he is in God’s plan of things.
Husband and Wife in Partnership. God holds the husband responsible for the health and
welfare of the family. When Eve and Adam sinned, God called out Adam as the one responsible
(Genesis 3:9). As partners the husband and wife work together. By Divine design in Ephesians
5, the husband is responsible to lead with love and will account to God for how he leads. The
husband is responsible for the decisions made. In the marriage partnership the husband and wife
answer to God in different ways.
Ephesians 5:22 explains that a wife answers to God for how she follows her husband's
leadership, how she submits. In Ephesians 5:25-29 the husband will answer to God for how he
loves his wife (and family). Ephesians 5:33 summarizes, the husband must love his wife and
the wife must respect her husband.
Respect your husband as the spiritual leader of your congregation. You need to stand with
him in a spirit of respect even though you are fully aware of how truly human he is. View him as
“your pastor” as well, and learn to enjoy and benefit from his sermons, rather than being critical
of them. Your attitude toward your husband and his calling can make or break his ministry.
Sadly, some pastor’s wives have been the instrument that compelled their husbands to turn away
from the call of God upon their hearts.
Respect him as the head of your home. Be honest with your husband about your feelings.
Talk to him, at the appropriate time and with self-control, about the needs you have in your life.
You are human too and have the same emotions and human frailties as everyone else. He needs
to listen to you and support you, just as you need to do the same for him.
A body cannot function with two heads, and a marriage with two heads is equally broken. Be a
partner with your husband by choosing to follow his leadership. Instill this respect for your
husband as head of the home in your children as well. As they see mother showing this respect,
they will have an example to follow.
Because of his position in the congregation and community, your husband may be the “object of
admiration” of some women. To widows, he may become a “husband-figure”—someone to fill
that empty spot; to women with unsaved husbands, they may see in him that “spiritual man” they
desire their husbands to be; others may simply see him as an attractive man. Your respect for
your husband will help you trust him as far as women in the congregation are concerned. Don’t
let jealousy rear its ugly head—it can destroy your ministry, not to mention your marriage. If
you notice that women are responding to him in a wrong manner, talk to him about this. Find the
right moment when you can approach the subject in a Godly manner. Help him by sharing what
you have observed, he may be unaware of what you see. A wise husband will value his wife’s
insight in this area.
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This week we are thinking of the matter of "respecting" our husbands. The dictionary says to
respect is "to consider worthy of esteem"; esteem is described as "appreciating the worth of'. Our
husbands are truly men of God, called of Him, and worthy of our respect and esteem.
1. In what ways are you building up your husband in the ministry?
2. Are there ways you are not showing the respect and esteem you should towards your husband?
What will you do about it?
3. In what particular areas of the ministry do we need to learn to trust our husbands?
JOURNAL. ..
This week write down the characteristics of your husband for which you are most thankful. Add
to the list, as things come to your mind, and express thanks to God for this "very special man" in
your life. (It wouldn't hurt to express thanks to him, too!)
PRAYER. ..
Oh Lord, thank You for the man You brought into my life. Help me to respect and esteem him
by
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2. NOTICE AND REGARD HIM (Philippians 2:3). . . (wives devotional; week 10)
You and your husband will both be busy—it is part of being in the ministry. Learn early to take
time for each other. Keep the lines of communication open by taking time just to be together to
talk. The only successful way to handle “rocks in the road” in your marriage is to talk about
them and pray about them together—before they become boulders. Neither of you can afford to
harbor resentment and misunderstanding. Be able to talk your problems out, centering on the
issue and not on each other. Being able to do this calmly and sensibly is a mark of emotional
maturity. Learn to take turns sharing what you think and feel with the other listening attentively,
and then trade roles. Try restating what you hear the other person saying before you share your
own perspective.
Learn to be a good listener to your husband. All day long he has listened to others and their
problems, their aches and pains, their frustrations and criticisms. When he is at home, give him
your attention. Try not to load him with problems immediately when he comes through the door.
Don’t save the disciplining of the children for Dad when he comes home. There are times when
you may say, “Dad and I will discuss this when he gets home and get back to you with an
appropriate consequence,” so you can discipline wisely.
Be sensitive to his moods and adjust accordingly. Sometimes he will want to talk—be a
listener; sometimes he will just want to be quiet—let him be. If, perchance, negative moods crop
up, don’t respond with like negative moods—grouchiness with grouchiness; sarcasm with
sarcasm, etc. Always respond to him with love, remembering that love begets love. There will
be times when your husband is tired and stressed. He needs time alone to think, read, pray or
maybe just relax. Allow him time to “shift gears” from pastor to husband and father so that he
can engage as part of the family at home.
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Scripture Reading -I Peter 3:7-11
This week's reading centers on communication between you and your husband. Learn to take
time to listen to each other and be sensitive to each other's moods and needs. Paul admonishes us
in Phil. 2:3, "in lowliness of mind, let each esteem the other better than themselves ". This
attitude is essential in good communication.
1. What characteristics do you see in I Peter 3:8 which will improve communications between
you and your husband?
2. How does the last paragraph of the Manual reading and verse 9 correlate together?
3. What guidelines do you discover for a "good life" in your home in verses 10 and 11?
JOURNAL. ..
This week make a "date" with your husband, just to talk and communicate some of your feelings.
Share the results in your Journal.
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, I sometimes speak first and think second. Give me
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3. HONOR AND VALUE HIM (Ephesians 5:21-33). . . (wives devotional; week 11)
Be a submissive wife. That word! Our culture defines this word very differently than the Bible.
What does it mean to be a submissive wife? Read again that passage in Ephesians 5:21-33. In
Scripture, “submit” means to choose to follow another’s leadership. It is a choice we make,
voluntarily. Follow your husband’s leadership because you are committed to Christ and your
trust is in Him. Submission does not mean that your individuality, personality, abilities and
talents are buried under the mountain of his authority, but that under the direction of his love,
they are channeled to maximum benefit. It means that as you respond to his love, protection and
leadership, you will be free to be all that God intends you to be. Submission does not enslave—
it frees to be creative under your husband’s divinely appointed leadership.
Admire and Appreciate Him. Tell him what you admire about him: his character, his
strengths, how he leads, how he listens, or how he parents. Thank him for the ways he
contributes to the family whether it’s helping with household chores or fixing something broken.
Make your home a welcoming place. Your home doesn’t have to be a showpiece, but keeping
it picked up and clean, preparing meals the family enjoys and greeting your husband when he
comes home let him know you are glad to have him home. Often the first few moments when he
returns will set the tone for the rest of the evening, so help set the tone you want.
Consider how he sees you. When you married, your husband committed to have eyes for you
only, and he finds you attractive. Giving some thought to your appearance still matters to him.
This is not necessarily the same process you used getting ready for him when you were dating,
but it matters that you do take a moment to make yourself presentable. During certain seasons of
life this may be more difficult to do but making an effort to look nice will please your husband.
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Scripture Reading -I Peter 3: 1-6. If possible read from the Living Bible.
God clearly expects us to be submissive wives (Eph. 5:22, Col. 3: 18, I Peter 3: 1, 5). This isn't
nearly as "scary" as we might think. Godly submission is not enslavement, but a willingness to
follow our husband’s leadership. J.B. Phillips' paraphrase says "Learn to adapt yourself to your
husband." As your husband lovingly (Eph. 5:25, Col. 3:19) fulfills his role as "head", we become
free to submissively respond to his leadership.
1. From our Scripture reading, what characteristics do you see in a submissive wife?
2. God speaks of a "meek and quiet spirit". What does this say to you and how do you reconcile
it to the fact that you are an important "individual" in God's sight?
3. Reread verses 3-6 and then read Genesis 12:11. Can you see a hidden message here which will
help you in your marriage?
JOURNAL ...
This week, consciously choose to follow your husband’s leadership. What little things will you
do to show this godly attribute? What was your husband's response? In what ways can you
improve your attitude, appearance and actions to show your love for your husband?
PRAYER ...
Lord Jesus, it's so easy for me to want my own way. Help me to be, first submissive to You and
then
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4. ESTEEM HIM (1 Thessalonians 5:11). . . (wives devotional; week 12)
Let him know, by word, action and attitude, that he is second only to God in your life.
Let him take the lead in ministry. Rejoice when people compliment him and admire him. Let
him do much of the talking when you are out together or have guests in your home. Consider
that contradiction and interruption when a man is speaking feels to them like disrespect. When
you converse with others, leave room in the conversation for your husband to share. Cultivate the
gift of being a good listener.
Don’t criticize or belittle him, by word or action. If the women of your congregation get
involved in a “husband-tearing-down party”, have no part of it! Instead praise him to others
whether he is present or not. Love him as the person God made him to be and model it to the
women of the church. Rather than complaining about weaknesses, pray that God would be
growing his character.
Do help him to look his best. To the degree that he wants your help, offer advice on clothing
and grooming to help him look his best.
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Week 12 -"YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND” (5)
Scripture Reading -I Thess. 5:11-18
God can give us a real ministry of encouragement in the lives of our husbands. And do they need
it! Although this week's Scripture reading speaks of the relationship between pastor and church,
it can well be applied to our marriage. In verse 13 we see the word esteem. Remember, it means
"to appreciate the worth of'”. It is so easy in a marriage to begin to take each other for granted; to
learn to use each other for our own benefit.
1. Edify is a "building" word. How can we build up our husbands in the ministry?
2. What is the difference between "constructive" and "destructive" criticism?
3. As you read through these verses, what ways do you see that you can encourage your husband
in the ministry?
JOURNAL. ..
This week, be extremely honest as you note ways, planned or unplanned, in which you have been
manipulative or critical of your husband. In what ways can we criticize our husbands without
saying a word? What effect does it have on him? On you? Suggest ways you can change these
tendencies.
PRAYER ...
Dear Lord, forgive my often critical spirit. You have been so merciful to me. Help me
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5. DEFER TO HIM AND PRAISE HIM (1 Corinthians 13). . . (wives devotional; week 13)
4
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand
its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice
about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT)
These verses should be a part of your daily walk. Let love rule your heart in relation to your
husband, and it will overflow to your children and your congregation and out into the
community. Be mindful also of 1 Corinthians 13:11b, “…When I became [an adult], I put
the ways of childhood behind me”. Be mature in your relationship—put away the childish
actions of pouting, silence and demanding your own way. Remember that the person who sees
themselves as most mature will be the first to apologize.
Another thing to throw out of your life is nagging. Nagging can become a habit, do not give it
a place in your life. Wise King Solomon likened a nagging wife to a dripping faucet. (Proverbs
19:13)
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Scripture Reading -I Corinthians 13
Try to read this week's Scripture from several translations or paraphrases. Put your name in the
place of the word "love". Does this really describe you --especially in your relationship to your
husband?
1. Write down the characteristics of love as denoted in verses 4-8. In what areas do you really
need to work to make your life a blessing to your husband and to others? (i.e., am I patient,
unselfish, etc.?)
2. Are you prone to be a "nagger"? How can you overcome this fault? Give Scriptures which will
help you.
3. Why, in verse 13, is love said to be the greatest virtue --greater than faith and hope?
JOURNAL. ..
This week truly work on making "love" the hallmark of your daily walk. Jot down ways you will
exhibit love to your husband, family and friends.
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, I am Your child. Allow me to let Your love flow through me to others. I want
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6. LOVE AND ADMIRE HIM SINCERELY (Song of Solomon 4:9-16). . . (wives devotional;
week 14)
Express your love sincerely and often. Be a good marriage partner. The physical part of your
relationship is so important. It is that beautiful and intimate relationship shared uniquely by
husband and wife in the privacy of their love, and it is sacred. God is the creator of sex. He set
human drives in motion, not to torture and frustrate men and women, but to bring them
enjoyment and fulfillment.
Happy is the woman who looks upon sexual intimacy in marriage a means of showing her love
for her husband and of his showing his love for her. In a vital sense, it may be the only single
experience she and her husband have together in which they do not have to share each other with
another person—the one experience from which they exclude the rest of the world.
Make your bedroom a place of retreat for the two of you. Too often the bedroom gets filled with
the leftover clutter of everything else. Make every effort to make this room a real pleasure to be
in. If possible, rearrange furniture, closets, etc., to provide a place that looks inviting and cozy to
your husband and you. Consider adding a lock to your bedroom door for privacy.
If you find yourself having difficulty in this area of being a good marriage partner, do not
hesitate to seek counseling, or at least consult one of many excellent books in this field. Many
couples have suffered years of unhappiness because of unfulfillment in their intimate life, when
counseling could have solved the problems.
27
Scripture Reading -Song of Solomon 4:9-16 -read from Living Bible. It's great!
Remind yourself of the importance of married sexual love. As stated in paragraph 2 of this
week's
Manual reading, sex is often the only experience you and your husband share without someone
else's presence. Your husband needs this intimate time --and so do you! Heed the admonition of I
Corinthians 7:5.
1. Why is sexual intimacy so important to your total well-being?
2. What is the spiritual significance of the sexual act?
3. What can you do to make your intimate times more meaningful to your husband and to
yourself?
(Take heed to some of the suggestions in Song of Solomon.)
JOURNAL ...
This week have a bit of fun! After reading the Scripture from Song of Solomon, write your own
"Poem of Love" to your husband --your bridegroom! If you want, share it with him --you will
both be delighted.
PRAYER...
Lord Jesus, thank You for my husband. Help me to show my love and gratitude to him by
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Let your husband know he can count on you to support him with respect and understanding. He
has an especially challenging job. He may feel that no one in the congregation truly understands
him. He needs encouragement from you to enable him to be effective in his role as a minister.
Believe it or not, even pastors and pastors’ wives can get angry! Therefore, make Ephesians
4:26 (NLT) a priority of your home. “If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge.
Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry.” This means that we don’t hold grudges, we try
to resolve things soon as possible, not that we must always reach an agreement before the sun
sets. If the disagreement occurs late in the day, you may need to set a time when you will sit
down the next day and resolve it. Be willing to be the one to end the argument, even if deep
down you feel you were not at fault and you are the one who deserves an apology. A simple
“I’m sorry” or “I love you” can end a difficult situation and restore a fractured relationship. This
is the attitude Jesus was conveying in Matthew 5 when He spoke of “turning the other cheek”,
and “going the second mile”. The health of your marriage is more important than being “right”
every time.
• Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Thomas Nelson Pub.
• The Strong-Willed Wife by Dr. Debbie Cherry NavPress Pub.
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman Zondervan Pub.
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This week's Manual reading deals with the subject of "anger". Unfortunately, anger can slip into
our homes without warning. It is interesting that Ephesians 4:27 says "neither give place to the
devil.” Nursing an angry spirit is a way of letting Satan get a stronghold in our lives.
I. What does it mean to "be angry and sin not"?
2. In Romans 12: 19, what does " give place to wrath" mean? (Look it up in other versions.)
3. What can saying, "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong" do for the person who says it?
JOURNAL ...
This week be especially mindful of situations where you are tempted to become angry, especially
toward your husband. What seems to be the main source of these irritations and how can you
overcome them?
PRAYER ...
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YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Your relationship to your congregation is very important, but the most important congregation
you have is the small one that lives under the parsonage roof with your pastor-husband. Your
children should have a high priority in your life—third following God and husband.
Sad to say, over the years there have been many “casualties in the parsonage”—children who
have suffered grievously because, in the scheme of things, they have been (unintentionally)
placed at the bottom of the totem pole. It speaks well of our Mission that we have several second
generation Village Missionaries, not to mention numerous Village Missions children who serve
the Lord in other works, foreign and home, as well as those who have established outstanding
Christian homes and are a godly witness while pursuing secular careers.
Our children are, indeed, a heritage of the Lord, and we dare not take lightly the responsibility
God has given us in this trust. If you are a young mother, remember that your primary
responsibility is to carefully watch over your little ones. Don’t become so involved in ministry
that you neglect your little ones and they are “wild”, running all over the church. Many books
have been written on the subject of parent-child relationships, and wise are the parents who avail
themselves of this wealth of information. The influence of the parents upon the lives of their
children cannot be over emphasized. One of the saddest Scriptures in the Bible concerns
Athaliah and her son, Ahaziah. II Chronicles 22:3 tells us that “. . his mother encouraged him
to act wickedly.” What a contrast to godly Jochebed (mother of Moses) who instilled such faith
in her son that even the influence of Pharaoh’s heathen court did not move him from his trust in
God. Our world needs more mothers like her.
Children in the parsonage are especially vulnerable to the stresses put upon them. Members of
the congregation can tend to expect perfection, or view them with a critical eye. As parents we
should surround them with the kind of love that insulates them from other’s ideas and
expectations of them.
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Week 16 -"YOU AND YOUR FAMILY" (1)
What a delightful inheritance God has given us in our children, and they never cease to fill our
hearts with love and concern, whether they be "babes in arms" or parents of our grandchildren.
Even though this section of the Manual deals primarily with children still at home, those with
grown children can use it as a reminder, or as a means to help and encourage your children who
are parents or in helping families in your congregation.
1. According to Psalm 127:1, what is the most important "ingredient" in a home?
2. In what ways can we unintentionally neglect our children in our pursuit of the ministry?
3. What Biblical mothers have encouraged you as a mother, and why?
JOURNAL...
This week think of ways you can protect your children from unfair expectation put upon them by
people in your congregation, while at the same time instilling positive values in them towards the
ministry.
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, thank You for my children (and grandchildren). My greatest desire for them is
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“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” Luke 2:52
In this Scripture we see the four areas of development which demand your attention so that your
child may become the mature person God intends him/her to be.
1. WISDOM (Mental development)
A positive mental attitude develops when the child realizes that he is important in your heart
and home—that he is loved and needed. He should never be made to feel that the congregation
or the ministry is more important than he is. This builds up a resentment towards the church and
spiritual things and often leads to negative behavior which “gets attention” in the wrong ways.
It is important to be home when the door opens after school and the voice says, “Mom, I’m
home!” It may be necessary to excuse yourself from other activities to be home when your
children arrive, but it is worth it. Of course, there are occasions when you must, of necessity, be
gone at that time, and children will understand, but when Mom is “always at the church, a
meeting, or at work”, it builds resentment in the heart of the child toward those things which take
her away.
Village Missions encourages devotion to the family and ministry and discourages full-time
outside employment on the part of missionary wives. In endorsing this approach, one former
Village Missionary wife reflected, “I enjoyed so much the privilege of having my mother at
home when I got home from school. When she had to be gone for some reason, I felt the
emptiness of the house as I entered it. These feelings lasted all through school, even in high
school”.
One of the greatest things you can do for your children is to love their father. Judge Philip
Gilliam, an outstanding juvenile court judge who has handled more than 28,000 cases says, “The
lack of affection between father and mother is the greatest cause of juvenile delinquency I know.
It’s not so much how you treat your children—it’s how you treat each other, because a child gets
security from knowing that his father loves his mother”. Nothing will contribute more to the
proper development of children than having parents who love one another and who live together
after the Biblical pattern.
Show your love and affection for each other often with hugs, kisses and words or deeds of
kindness. When your children realize your husband is important to you, this will be a model
they can follow in their own marriages one day. If your child hears you criticize or belittle your
husband, it will have adverse effects upon him. He will be unsure of your love for his father; he
will feel justified in having a critical condemning spirit himself, and he may feel insecure about
his home situation.
33
Week 17 -"YOU AND YOUR FAMILY” (2)

This week's Manual reading speaks of the mental development of children. Every child must
realize he is God's unique creation --special to God and special to you. Developing a positive
mental attitude in children is not an option but a necessity.
1. How can the verses in Psalm 139 be used to instill positive thoughts in your children towards
God?
2. How can you balance in the minds of your children the importance of the ministry and the
child's importance to you?
3. What is the best way to deal with negative attitudes which your child may develop?
JOURNAL...
Think of ways you can turn negative attitudes into positive ones in your children's lives, whether
it be concerning home, school, church or friends. Ask yourself, honestly, "is my child developing
negative attitudes because of me"? What should you do about it?
PRAYER. ..
Dear Lord, what a grave responsibility it is to be a parent. Help my husband and me
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Let each child be himself. Don’t compare him to other children in your family (“Your big
brother was on the honor roll when he was in your grade. Why aren’t you?”), or with other
children in the congregation (“The Smith boy always sits up and pays attention in church. Why
can’t you?”).
Don’t expect exemplary conduct from your children “because they are the pastor’s
children”. Rather challenge them, by example, to follow Jesus with their whole heart. A child
who believes he is the congregational “model” and lives on a pedestal will harbor resentment
because he is not viewed as a “ordinary child”.
If you, as parents, unwisely place your child in a position of being an example, you do him a
grave injustice. (“See our son? We have trained him in such and such a way. You should watch
him and be like him”.) This places an unnecessary and unfair burden on the child, as well as
making other children resent and dislike him.
Members of the congregation will have all sorts of advice and ideals for your children. They
seem to consider them “public property”. When advice is given concerning your children, how
could you react? If it is undue or unrealistic advice or even criticism, you may need be polite,
saying, “Thank you for the suggestion”. Consider what you have heard, but raise your child as
God directs you, without resentment or bitterness and with a forgiving spirit. This may feel
impossible, but we can respond with grace through the help of God’s indwelling Spirit. Be
discerning enough to realize that some advice (or criticism) is good and needed. If so, ask God
to help you to graciously take heed and benefit from it.
35
Scripture Reading -Psalm 139: 13-24
There is a verse in II Corinthians (10:12) which states that it is unwise (one version says
"stupid") to measure and compare ourselves to others. How true this is in the lives of children.
Let each child (and adult as well) be himself in the Lord, using his unique personality and
abilities to be the person God has chosen him to be.
1. How can Psalm 139: 13-24 help a child (or anyone) realize how special he is to God?
2. Perhaps you, or someone you know, or someone in your congregation or community, has a
child with disabilities. How can these verses be used to encourage that child and/or his parents?
3. How can these verses help you, as a parent, to cope with criticism, especially when it is
directed toward your child?
JOURNAL. ..
Coping with criticism towards our children is one of the most difficult things we parents face.
This week ponder some of the criticism with which you have been confronted. How did you
handle it? Would you do differently if you could do it over? How? What Scriptures were helpful
to you?
PRAYER...
Lord Jesus, I realize You were unjustly criticized over and over. May I take heart by
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Challenge your children to worthwhile pursuits. A California educator recently pointed out that
by the time a typical American child has reached the age of 18, he has had 12,000 to 15,000
hours of TV viewing and video games. It is also said that the average child who follows this
typical viewing pattern will, by age 65, have spent 9 years of 24 hour days in front of a TV set.
On the other hand, if the same 65 year old had gone to church every Sunday during those years,
he would have spent about 4 months being immersed in God’s Word.
Realizing the quality of most TV programs, computers and video games, surely we will want to
do better by our children. Know what your children are watching or doing. Monitor their
activities and never be afraid to use the “off” button. Substitute these with something better.
Teach your children to do chores. Encourage them to read good books, to take music lessons, to
participate in sports, to have time for creative play with siblings or other children, and of course,
to spend time in God’s Word and prayer.
37
Scripture Reading -Philippians 4:4-9

Strange! No concordance seems to have television, video games or social media listed as Bible
subjects! However, these have become an accepted part of most American and Canadian homes.
But they can be real thieves --robbing us of time, moral values and worthwhile pursuits. Each
family must make its own decisions regarding these controversial subjects.
1. Read the Scripture again, carefully. How can these verses be a guideline in these areas?
2. If you don't have a TV, are you judgmental of those who do? If you have a TV, so you
monitor the amount of time it is on and what shows you take in?
3. How can technology be used as an instrument in your ministry? How can it hinder? (Be
honest!)
JOURNAL. ..
Keep track this week of how many hours the TV is on in your home, or how much time you
spend on social media (again --be honest!) What are you and your children watching? Does it
pass the test of Philippians 4:8? Whether you have a TV or not, list worthwhile things in which
you can be involved with your children.
PRAYER...
Lord Jesus, life is so short and there is so much to do. Help me to “redeem the time” by
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2. STATURE (Physical development) - (wives devotional; week 20)
In spite of the busyness of the parsonage life, you have an obligation to the physical development
of these little “temples of the Holy Spirit”. Much is being said and written these days about
proper diet and we seem to be “getting wise” in this respect. Be intentional about what you are
putting into their bodies.
Your children also need their rest. This means you must see that they are able to get to bed on
time. Some pastors’ children are dragged to every meeting where they fall asleep on the pews.
Children, especially school age, need their rest, and this is best found in their own beds. It is
your responsibility to see that they get there at the proper time. There are times, of course, when
your children will have to be up past bedtime. Again, make this an exception, not the normal
thing.
It is important that you spend time together as a family. Your imagination will give you a list of
inexpensive activities in which you as a family can participate. The important thing is to get
away from ringing phones and doorbells to enjoy each other’s company as a family. If your
children are in school, it is impossible to take this time during the weekday, so plan an evening
or a Saturday away from the parsonage as a family. It has been suggested that “dating your
children”, planning and doing something special with just one of them at a time, provides much
enjoyment for both the parent and the child.
Enjoy your children while you have them. How quickly they leave “the nest”! Keep the lines of
communication open. Every child needs this. It says, “You are important to me”. If he cannot
communicate about little things when he is little, he won’t communicate about big things when
he is older. Be interested in what interest him. Children need some down time each day for just
play. If we fill our children’s schedules so full with sports, church events, homework and music
lessons, we run the risk of leaving no time for imaginative play that is essential for their brain
development.
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Scripture Reading -Daniel 1:8-16

This portion of the Manual speaks of the physical development of our children. Daniel, in the
Scripture reading, had learned, obviously from his parents, the value of a good, nourishing diet.
He determined not to defile his body with that which would harm him. This is a good example
for us to follow.
I. How did God honor Daniel's step of faith? Apply this to your children's bodies.
2. Rest is a second ingredient to good physical well-being. Remember Psalm 127 (children are
our heritage)? Reread verse 2 (try the Living Bible). How does it relate to our children?
3. Exercise is also important. Read I Corinthians 9:27 and relate it to the need of exercise for
both you and your children.
JOURNAL. ..
Keep track this week of your family's physical habits. Are meals regular and nourishing? What
about snacking? Are your children (and you) getting adequate rest? How about exercise? This
perhaps doesn't sound too spiritual. Think for a few minutes and then write down why physical
well-being is important in a spiritual sense.
PRAYER ...
Lord, my children are (were) with us for such a short time. Help me
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3. FAVOR WITH GOD (Spiritual development) – (wives devotional; week 21)
Just because your child is reared in the parsonage is not an assurance that he has made a personal
commitment of his life to Jesus Christ. Don’t take for granted that your children have accepted
the Lord as their own personal Savior. How often adults have borne witness to the fact of being
raised in a Christian home, knowing all the answers, Scriptures and prayers, and yet never having
made that decision for Christ. “Everyone just assumed I was a Christian because my father was
the pastor” is often the testimony. This should be a matter of real concern and prayer, asking
God to give us wisdom and discernment to allow each child that opportunity to share his own
personal spiritual needs. The child from the Christian home environment also needs assurance of
God’s love for him personally for who he is and not because of his family relationship. What a
joy it is to any parent to have that opportunity to lead their own child to Christ.
Consistent and meaningful family devotions are as essential in the parsonage as it is in any
home. Try to make one mealtime a day “family time” with as few interruptions as possible.
Families need this time of being together. Whatever you choose to use and when you choose to
have a family time around God's word make it applicable to those listening. It is important to
remember; God's Word is not only for information it is meant to be applied to life. Kids can
leave our home knowing a lot of Bible stories and even able to answer all the Bible trivia
questions but not living their Faith.
Whatever form your devotions take, be consistent. Children, as well as the adults, need to realize
this family time with God is important. Include guests rather than letting it slide by because
guests are present. A missionary guest in a pastor’s home thanked the host and hostess profusely
for including him in the devotions. He said, “I travel all the time, speaking at Missionary
Conferences and in churches, eating in the homes of pastors or leading families of the church.
This is the first time I have been included in family devotions—and it means so much!’
41
Scripture Reading -II Tim. 1:3-6
From their earliest years, children will be faced with decision making, beginning with which toy
to play with next, and continuing on throughout life. The most important decision they will ever
make will be regarding their eternal salvation. What a joy, if you as a parent or grandparent, have
the privilege of helping them in making this decision. An important tool in spiritual growth is a
consistent, meaningful family devotional time.
1. How can you have assurance that your children (grandchildren) have received Christ as their
Savior?
2. What things can we do and teach to assure our children and grandchildren of God's love for
them?
3. Our children are constantly surrounded with spiritual instruction through Sunday school, Bible
Clubs, etc. Why, then, is a family time together reading the Bible and praying so important?
JOURNAL. ..
Examine your family's habits regarding family devotions. Are you consistent with it? Is it
meaningful? Are all members of the family interested and involved? List ways you can improve
this special time.
PRAYER. ..
Dear Lord, I want so much for my children (grandchildren) to truly lo\'e and depend on You. I
pray
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What you use for your family devotions depends, of course, upon the ages of your children.
Egermeier’s Bible Story Book is good for younger families. It is written in language they can
understand and includes questions to be answered. The NLT Hands-on-Bible is a great resource
for families with elementary age children. Pete Corak’s, “My Morning Meal” blog makes a
great devotional as well with teens or couples. Prayer time is important, too. Each member of
the family should be encouraged to pray, if only a sentence prayer. Share specific requests.
Encourage your children to pray for their school situations and their friends as well as their own
needs. Pray for your church families and friends and missionaries, home and foreign, but maybe
not all in one sitting.
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your
children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you
lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:5-7
These words written hundreds of years ago are so pertinent for today. Learn to live the reality of
Christ in your home with your family. Share answers to your prayers and thus encourage them
in their own praying. Help them to grow in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ
by practice and example. Again, as you go about your life with kids, help them to apply God’s
truth to situations they are facing.
Of course, there will be legitimate interruptions, when your husband must talk on the phone or
dash off in the middle of his dinner, but these must be the exception not the norm. Make it clear
to the congregation that you do have a family time and that it is not to be interrupted except for
emergencies. Many people call right at mealtime because they know they will “finally catch the
pastor”. You can protect this time by letting it go to the answering machine or voicemail.
Usually, returning the call after this time with your family will be satisfactory.
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Scripture Reading -Deut. 6:4-12
Keeping the things of the Lord before our family is so important. Moses gave good instructions
to the children of Israel hundreds of years ago, but they are just as good today! Read the section
carefully --it will challenge you as to how much God's Word is a part of your daily life.
1. What ways can you see in verses 6 and 7 to keep God and His Word before your children?
2. In verse 9, what important way of keeping God's Word before your family do you see?
3. In what ways can we help our children know the reality of answered prayer?
JOURNAL. ..
Hopefully, last week you were able to establish some meaningful times together as a family
around the Word of God. This week jot down some of the responses of family members to this
time spent together with the Lord.
PRAYER. ..
Dear God, thank You for Your great eternal love for my family. Thank You for hearing our
prayers and
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4. FAVOR WITH MAN (Social development) – (wives devotional; week 23)
God created us to be social beings, that’s why we are crave contact with other people. Our
children must be trained to deal with these associations in a way that will be pleasing to God.
Again, by your example, train them early that they are “in the world, but not of the world”. Help
them to learn to be able to face and resist temptation through the indwelling Spirit. Pray for
them each day before school/homeschool. Pray that God would make them influencers in their
community and keep their hearts under His influence.
Some of our Village Missions children have had opportunity to attend Christian schools, but the
majority have attended public schools. This exposure to the world gives us reason to pray for
them and allows them to reveal the truth of Christ to their peers. For many students, their time at
school helps them learn to be a friend to people who don’t share their beliefs and begin training
them to be missionaries in their own generation. Your involvement with them and the school as
a parent will powerfully affect their experiences. Help them learn how to think through opposing
viewpoints and how to respond to unkind people.
In most rural communities, the school is the center of the community. Whether you have
children in the public school or homeschool them, find a way to get involved with the school.
Plug into the school in a way that helps, do more than just putting your children on sports teams.
As a missionary to the community, this is a valuable means of connecting with the heart of the
community. If you choose to homeschool – be careful not to communicate hostility or disdain of
the public school. Be aware that homeschooling will take a large amount of time on the part of
at least one parent. As a missionary-pastor you are sent to serve the church and reach the
community for Christ, be careful that homeschooling does not become an excuse not to
participate in church ministry.
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Our children must be trained to know how to live in a hostile, wicked world without becoming a
part of it. We must teach them to clothe themselves with God's armor as they face each day. It is
each parent’s responsibility --and theirs alone --to determine, with God's help, how and where
their children will be educated, i.e. at home, Christian school or public school. We must make
sure this is God's decision and not because of the pressures of others.
1. List briefly the parts of the Christian armor and what it signifies, especially as concerns your
children.
2. How can you use verse 12 to encourage your children and yet not scare them?
3. What particular testing do your children and grandchildren face in their school situation and
how can these verses help them?
JOURNAL. ..
Are your standards regarding the education of your children in conflict with members of your
congregation? How do you honestly feel towards those who educate their children differently
than you? Are there strong feelings? What can you do to resolve these feelings in a way to bring
unity in the Body and glory to God?
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, I pray for tolerance toward others who feel differently than I do. Help me to
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Make sure your children know and understand discipline as lovingly taught and practiced in your
home. Set definite guidelines so they will know what is expected of them. Make sure that you
and your husband both agree on correcting your children when they do something wrong. Give
them responsibilities in the home as well as privileges. Teach your children to participate in
family responsibilities with age appropriate chores.1 The book of Proverbs is full of excellent
advice in the area of discipline and child training.
When your children are little, start teaching them how to respond to guests, proper table
manners, and respect for others. Above all teach them to respect God and His house. Your
children will feel comfortable being at church. In most cases this is where the office is. Help
them learn to enjoy gathering with the church body, let them have an enjoyable experience
without treating the building like a playground.
Be careful of two extremes, 1) over-disciplining Parents, “do not exasperate your children;
instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4. Or, 2)
under-disciplining. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves
their children is careful to discipline them” Proverbs 13:24.
1 Focus on the Family (website) has an excellent list of age-appropriate chores beginning at age 2 and going up through the teen years.
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Scripture Reading -Hebrews 12:5-11
Our Scripture reading this week compares the disciplining of the Lord with the discipline
received from our earthly fathers. A characteristic of love is that it disciplines the object of love
for its benefit. It is so important, as missionaries, that we raise children who understand and
profit from godly discipline. Get a good dictionary and look up the word "discipline.”
1. What definitions did you read which help you understand better how God wants us to raise
disciplined children?
2. If we do not "discipline" our children, what assumption may be made?
3. According to Hebrews 12: 11, what is the natural result of being disciplined, whether it be
children or adults?
JOURNAL. ..
Each day this week, if possible, read a verse from Proverbs regarding the raising of children. Put
it in your own words and state how you can use it in your own home or situation. (Some helps: 3:
12; 13:24; 17: 11; 30: 11; 22:6; 23:24-25)
PRAYER. ..
Lord Jesus, I want so much for my children to please You and bring glory to Your name. I need
help to
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It is important that you as parents not discuss anything in front of your children that you don’t
want repeated. One five-year-old missionary child said to the Church Board Chairman who was
inquiring of the father as to why they were moving, “The real reason we’re moving is because of
this terrible house!” Your ministry can be seriously hindered or even destroyed if matters
discussed in confidence in the parsonage are repeated in public by members of the family.
Children need to know their responsibilities as far as your ministry is concerned. Knowing they
are part of the “missionary family” can help them realize they are needed. They can be
strengthened by their participation in helping you around the church, serving together at an event
or work party, and by praying for people. Many a missionary child has been responsible for
bringing friends, and ultimately whole families, into the church.
As parents, we can work with our children in treating others with kindness, from the littlest
children up through the senior adult ages. Train your children how to carry on a conversation by
asking good questions and being a good listener. Teach them ways to show respect to others:
addressing adults by their last names, making eye contact, answering questions and even learning
to ask good questions of their own. Teach them how to make other people feel welcome and put
them at ease. They can learn to be friendly, whether that comes naturally or not, and help their
peers who are new to church know that people are glad they came. You can best teach your
children these skills by modelling them yourself.
Parents must also bear in mind that they are continually setting an example for their children to
follow. This is so true in our attitude toward our country and those in positions of authority over
us. When children hear parents speak disrespectfully of others—whether it be the President of
the United States, the Executive Director of our Mission, or the local policeman, it encourages in
the child a similar disrespect for those in positions of authority over him—his teachers, etc. We
need to be continual examples in honesty and obedience in our everyday dealings.
Make sure that your own priorities and attitudes are right about spiritual things. Do you
complain about going to a church meeting? Do you let everyone in the house know that going to
church today or tonight is a big sacrifice? Or, on the other hand, is church attendance a joyful
privilege and you can hardly wait to go? Children catch on quickly to our attitudes and will
probably reflect them in their lives also.
In no other area are the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and the love of I Corinthians 13
more needed than in our role as mothers. God deliver us from anger, impatience, fault finding,
sarcasm, suspicion and selfishness in our relationship to our children. Be comforted by the
knowledge of God’s forgiveness for our failures in these areas, and His promises to help us
become the kind of parent He would have us to be.
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Additional recommended Reading:
• Mother and Son, the Respect Effect Emerson Eggerichs Thomas Nelson Pub.
• Focus on the Family Radio/Podcast and Free Family / Pastor’s Magazine
• Love Languages for Children Gary Chapman Northfield Pub.
• How to Really Parent Your Child Ross Campbell Thomas Nelson Pub.
• How to Really Parent Your Teenager Ross Campbell Thomas Nelson Pub.
Scripture Reading -I Timothy 4: 11-16
Paul, in writing to young Timothy, admonished him to be an example of the believer. Nowhere is
this more important than in our own homes before our children. We are their first role-model and
most of their attitudes will mirror our own. {If we are joyful and thankful for what God has done.
they will develop the same attitude --if we are bitter and complaining. they will probably become
that way also, and so on.) Please reread the Manual section again --it is so important.
1. List the ways in verse 12, we are to be examples, and state briefly what each means.
2. What other ways are we to be examples (vs. 13-15)?
3. What will be a glorious result of living this kind of Christian witness (vs. 15-16)?
JOURNAL...
In J. B. Phillips' paraphrase, he puts I Tim. 4: 16 this way: "Keep a critical eye on your own life
". Ask the Lord to show you ways you might be having a negative influence in your family. How
can you best turn these into positive qualities which will benefit yourself and others?
PRAYER ...
Dear Lord, I am not always the example I should be. Forgive me and
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YOU AND YOUR CONGREGATION
We now come to the area where great joys of your ministry are found—but also great
frustrations and heartaches—your relationship to the “flock”. The comment is sometimes made,
“I am not called to be a pastor’s wife”. A retired District Representative wife answers this so
well. She says, “Some women do not feel they were ‘called’ to be a pastor’s wife. Perhaps
when they were married they were in some other career, and the man received a call later. I
always say, since I am in that category, that when God called my husband, He didn’t have to
give me a specific call. He knew I was his wife and I “went with the deal.”
Sometime when you feel especially blue about your position as a pastor’s wife, sit down and
make a list of the positive aspects of the ministry. It will thrill your heart to see how God,
through your ministry has given you “…immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. . .”
(Ephesians 3:20).
A Village Missionary wife has compiled such a list. It is shared with you:
• Opportunity to lead people to Christ
• A husband who loves the Lord
• Children growing up in a good environment
• Acceptance by the community
• Opportunity to move around (new topography, historical areas, customs, people, ways of
doing things)
• Challenge of a “new” parsonage
• An interesting career and outlet for all talents and abilities—mother, homemaker, spiritual
leader, Bible teacher, children’s worker, lecturer, teacher, artist, interior decorator, advisor,
counselor, comforter, telephone operator, camp director, young people’s worker, musician,
nurse, visitor, trainer of women for leadership jobs, writer, hostess
• Aid in financial needs—many doctors and dentists give free or reduced fees
• People will often baby-sit for free
• Needed, trusted, looked up to as a Godly woman – a platform from which to speak into
women’s lives
• Remembered in prayer by many
• Privilege of seeing response to the Word of God in people’s hearts to whom you and
• your husband minister
• You can enter into the joy of the newlyweds and of new parents when a baby is born
• When you move to a new community there are always potential friends eagerly awaiting
• your arrival
• You live in a home that most church people take great pride in
• Your home is rent free and kept up by the church
• You receive gifts of love in different shapes and sizes for Christmas, Birthdays and for no
particular reason at all
• You also receive notes and cards of appreciation
• The church not only provides your home, but pays your utilities, and sometimes gives you a
car allowance and pays your Social Security.
• Many times, people will share meat, vegetables, fruit, eggs, etc.
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• Great opportunity for you and your children to grow as you relate to a number of different
people in the congregation.
Be proud of your station in life. I Samuel 30:24 “Who will listen to what you say? The share
of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to
the battle. All will share alike.” We hear the complaint, “I resent being introduced as our
pastor’s wife—nobody ever says, ‘this is our plumber’s wife’ or ‘this is our grocer’s wife’. Why
must they always associate me with my husband, the pastor?” It should be a thrill to be
introduced in this way because of your pride in being the wife of this man of God. If your
motivation for not being introduced as wife of the pastor is to avoid creating a barrier before the
person gets to know you, simply ask people to introduce you as their friend.
Week 26 -"YOU AND YOUR CONGREGATION" (1)
What a wonderful privilege it is to be part of a team called to serve God with Village Missions!
As you read the Manual section and the Scripture reading, may you realize anew how truly
blessed you are. Even though there are often "difficult times", stemming from numerous causes,
we still must admit God has given " exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or think" ! Take a
moment to thank Him.
1. How do you honestly feel about "your call" to be a pastor's wife?
2. What aspect of being a pastor's wife brings you the greatest joy and fulfillment?
3. Reread verses 16-19 and write down specific things which should encourage you in the role as
pastor's wife.
JOURNAL. ..
Read carefully the list of "benefits" in the Manual and check the ones you have experienced as a
pastor's wife. Make a note of beautiful things which have happened to you because of your
position.
PRAYER...
Dear Lord, I "am so blessed and I often forget! Thank You for
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What a blessing it is to realize you are working beside your husband in the glorious task of
preparing souls for eternity. What higher calling could there be? God has placed you in this
position, and rest in the assurance that He will make you adequate for any and every situation
you may be called upon to face. Granted, some situations can floor you momentarily, but know
that God has promised to help you. I Corinthians 10:13 and Hebrews 4:16 are especially
helpful.
Many of us have learned the hard way that we are not only leaders, but also trainers. Initially, at
your new field, you may be asked to do a ministry you do not feel gifted in. You may need to do
some ministry that is not your passion for a time. You can be constantly training others to
assume these tasks to free you to move on to ministries where you do feel gifted or passionate
about. There is just so much time in one day or week, and as we mentioned before, you are not
indispensable—believe it or not! You cannot do everything, and God doesn’t expect you to do
so. Sometimes we hesitate to turn tasks over to others because we feel we can do them better.
Perhaps so, but others need the responsibility and blessing that comes from having a part in the
work of the Lord. Ephesians 4:12 reminds us that the role of the pastor is to train others to do
the work of the Lord, not to do it all themselves.
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Scripture Reading -II Corinthians 6:1-10
We are truly workers together with our husbands in this ministry. In this week's Scripture
reading, Paul gives good advice concerning our attitudes toward the ministry. (It is very good in
the Living Bible.) Interestingly, he speaks at length of some of the ups and downs of the
ministry. Perhaps you can identify with some of these, but when reading the list (verses 4-10) we
should realize how easy we actually have it in comparison.
1. What was Paul's great fear regarding his ministry in verses 3-4?
2. In the final outcome (verse 10) what was his attitude?
3. What particular encouragement do you find in these verses to help you in your own situation?
JOURNAL ...
From the list in verses 4-10, make two lists --one of positives and one of negatives. Ponder each
list carefully and then write a letter to God expressing your appreciation for His all sufficiency in
your life and ministry.
PRAYER...
Lord, help me to look beyond my problems and rejoice in the ministry to which You have called
my husband and me. I thank You for
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Many missionary wives ask, “Should I go visiting with my husband?” There are many answers
and no one answer is THE ANSWER. Some guidelines might help you in making decisions
along this line.
Whenever you can, yes, you should call with your husband. This is especially true in calling on
women who are alone or whose husbands are at work. Of course, this is not because you distrust
your husband’s conduct (or hers), but it is simply a precaution against any opening for Satan to
take a perfectly normal situation and start gossip in the community. We are living in an age
when so much reproach has been brought upon the Christian community because of the
indiscreet conduct of some church leaders. We certainly do not want to give Satan a foot-in-the-
door. Nothing would please him more. If spiritual direction is needed, invite the lady to your
home and for the sake of confidentiality, spend your time in the next room.
Usually it is not feasible for you to take your small children with you if calling in a home. This
tends to take your attention from the one you are visiting to the children—their whereabouts and
behavior, etc. Children can be included when there is a definite invitation for “the family to
come”, perhaps for a meal or such. Many people want to run and hide when they see the pastor
drive up and two or three small children come bounding up on the porch. Perhaps one afternoon
a week or so, your husband could plan to stay home with the children (who probably would be
napping) to free you for going out to make some special calls alone or with other women of the
church.
You and your husband can do visitation together during the day if your children are in public
school. It is good if you can make some evening connections, because this is when the man of
the house is usually home also. This is often difficult because in some churches every night is
taken with activity. Try to work your schedule to include one night for visiting together—with a
baby sitter for the children so they can get to bed at a reasonable time.
Visiting is important. Depending on your congregation and community, home visits may not be
the best way to go about connecting. For example, in a farming community the men work long
days especially during harvest. Your best visit may be asking to work alongside them for half a
day. If you come as a learner they may even enjoy teaching the pastor something new. You can
do your visitation at a coffee shop or mom-and-pop restaurant in town. You can make visits by
telephone especially if they are very ill or recovering from surgery in their home. You can pray
on the phone with people. You can even do impromptu visits with people as you run into them at
the grocery store, sporting event or a something the community is hosting. You can visit over a
common hobby. Be creative in visiting, especially after the initial home visits you might do with
the families when you first arrive. The point is you are getting out into the community and
building relationships with those in the community and the church.
You will learn to know your people and can gear your calling accordingly. Because of the hectic
pace we live in, many more people prefer that you set a date and time in advance. If so, give
them this privilege by making a call on the phone or catching them at church. Some are “come
any time” type—you will know who they are. Some people retire early—be considerate of
this—as well as those who sleep later in the day.
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Ask God to give you sensitivity as you arrange a visit. Visits need not be long. A brief, warm
visit will often be more appreciated than a long, drawn out one. The important thing in visiting
is to let the people know you love them and are concerned about their specific needs. And, it’s
important to remember to be out mingling during the week with those in your church and
community.
God may open up for you a special ministry of encouragement, perhaps with troubled, distraught
mothers or teens. This is a beautiful ministry and in order to have time for this you may have to
adjust your priorities by eliminating other ministries.
“. . . so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing
what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone. Titus 3:8

Scripture Reading -Matthew 25:34-40
The backbone of Village Missions' ministry is visitation --getting out among the people to
become a part of their lives. Jesus Himself is our example. He went where the people were and
ministered to them there. Visiting is becoming more and more difficult as our society changes --
couples both working, families involved in too many things and an unwillingness to be involved
in more. In answer to prayer, God will open doors to connect with people.
1. Why do you think Village Missions feels so strongly about visitation ministry?
2. From the Scripture reading, what does our concern and compassion for others actually
constitute?
3. What Scriptures can you use as an incentive and encouragement to a visitation ministry?
JOURNAL ...
How do you feel about visitation? Be honest! Make a list of some creative ways you can connect
with people in your community.
PRAYER ...
Oh Lord, there are so many people out there who need to know someone loves them. I want to
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1. THOSE WHO HAVE TRUSTED GOD MIGHT BE CAREFUL . . .
(wives devotional; week 29)
This verse tells us that we who have believed in God have certain things of which we should be
mindful. There are several things we need to Be On Guard against in our ministry. Don’t let
yourself become “bogged down”. Certain things will tend to BOG you down, so Be On Guard.
BOG #1. Comparisons
As you go to a church you will, in most instances, follow another missionary. The natural result
will be that you will be compared, favorably or unfavorably, with the former “lady of the
parsonage”. Don’t be upset by this. You will hear expressions of praise of “our former pastor’s
wife” who always did thus and so, or “the former pastor’s wife” who never did thus and so.
These comments are sincere and made in love for the former missionary wife, but they often hurt
because they are aimed at you.
When you arrive on a field, begin very slowly. Be careful NOT to take over the ministries of
the former Village Missionary wife just because someone might suggest it. Do not rush into
ANY kind of ministry until you have prayed, consulted your husband, and thought about it for a
period of time. It is a whole lot easier to get into something than to get out of it. Many times we
are so anxious to get started on a new field, we do not take time to discern what the Lord wants
us to do. The key roles of a Village Missionary wife are:
1) Being a partner and an encourager to your husband.
2) Raising children, if you have them, to follow Christ.
3) Building relationships with the church body and in the community. Learn names and their
stories.
4) Attending church services and events together with your husband/family.
5) Plug into ministry as the Lord directs you.
You may hear adverse comments, criticizing the former pastor’s wife. Let all these comments
pass by without adding to them. Don’t dispute what the former pastor’s wife said or did. Do
your own ministry as unto the Lord without trying to fit into her shoes or comparing yourself to
her.
Along the same line, if you have served in prior works, don’t let yourself be guilty of comparing
your present situation adversely with your former. Perhaps you did have things nicer, or a better
salary, or less responsibility before, but you are in a different situation now. Take Philippians
4:11 to heart. “. . . I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
When you prepare to leave a field, prepare your ladies to graciously receive the new pastor’s
wife. Ask them to love and accept her as they have you, and always be positive about her
coming.
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Scripture Reading -Philippians 3:10-14
Going to a new field can be a "scary" experience for your entire family. Each one of us can
remember those anxious "first days" on the new field. However it usually isn't long before we
feel accepted and loved. An important attitude to have is to realize this is a new area, a new
challenge and new opportunities. We must not compare with the past, but put those things behind
and put our whole heart into the present ministry.
1. What should we look forward to as we go to a new field situation?
2. How can we prepare ourselves and our families emotionally for a change of fields?
3. How can you prepare the field you are leaving to accept the new missionary wife?
JOURNAL. ..
Recall your emotions as you changed fields in times past. Write down some of the significant
remembrances. How did moving affect your children, your husband, yourself? What would you
do differently if you were to move again? (Are there some special thoughts here you can share
with a fellow V.M. wife who may be facing a move soon?)
PRAYER...
Dear Jesus, change is never easy. Thank You for teaching me
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BOG #2. Argumentative Spirit - (wives devotional; week 30)
Be on guard against an argumentative spirit. Some people love to argue, especially on

“religious” subjects. You cannot afford to argue, even if you are right. You can state your
views, lovingly and firmly, but heated arguing will accomplish little or nothing but to mar your
testimony. People have been turned away by an argumentative pastor or wife who has loudly
disputed their beliefs or ideas.
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Scripture Reading -II Timothy 2:23-26
There are some people who simply delight in a good argument, and "religion" is often their
favorite subject. However, an argumentative spirit can cause lots of hurts and problems and
should be avoided. Read this week's Scripture portion from the Living Bible, if possible. It
contains GOOD advice.
1. What should be the attitude of God's people as they teach and share the Word of God,
especially to those who are unclear about spiritual truths?
2. What is the difference between standing up for what we know is right and arguing about
spiritual truths?
3. How should you deal with someone who just wants to argue about the Scriptures?
JOURNAL...
This week re-examine your own basic beliefs about God and the Bible. Could you adequately
stand your ground in defense of these beliefs? Could you do this without becoming hostile with
someone who openly disputes what you know to be true? How? {Write it down.)
PRAYER. ..
Dear Lord, there is such a fine line between standing firm and arguing. Help me to know
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BOG #3. Gossip - (wives devotional; week 31)
Be on guard against GOSSIP. In your conversation, set an example of not saying anything
negative about others, especially your husband. Unfortunately, churches can be hotbeds for
gossip, often in the form of “prayer requests”. Women’s study groups and prayer groups are
especially vulnerable to this temptation. Don’t let it happen! Many prayer requests are
legitimate, but there are “prayer requests” that are pure, juicy gossip. If you need to confront
someone for gossip, or any other issue, first do it privately.
As you prepare to pray, don't spend a lot of time sharing prayer requests, just pray. One idea is to
hand out a piece of paper to each person. They write their name and request in 2-3 sentences and
pass it to the next person who prays out loud for the requests. That person will then commit to
pray through the week for that request.
BOG #4. Confidentiality
You will be in a position where confidences will be shared with you. Never, never repeat these
confidences to others, even if you feel they can be trusted. Nothing will destroy your credibility
as quickly than having a confidence shared with you become knowledge because you shared it
with someone else. Remember, no one can quote (or misquote) silence. If you must repeat a
confidence, repeat it to the Lord in prayer. Most confidences shared with you should be handled
in this way. They may be shared with your pastor-husband, of course, if they relate to his
ministry to that individual. It does not mean you are “keeping things from him” if you do not
share all confidences shared with you, but simply that you are honoring the individual’s trust in
keeping to yourself what they have shared with you. Your husband certainly will not share with
you all the details of his conversations with individuals, and be glad he doesn’t, it works both
ways. Those things he feels you should know he will share so you can pray together. If you feel
that it would be helpful to get your husband’s insights, ask the person if it is OK for you to do so
before sharing.
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Scripture Reading -James 3:1-10
These verses from James are so familiar to us; we often forget the impact of what is being said.
Read them again --slowly and carefully. Read them from other translations or versions. So many
hurts and problems have been caused by misuse of the tongue. We need, daily, to be on guard
against Satan's attempts to get us to fall victim to an unruly tongue.
1. Read James 3: 1, then put it in your own words as it relates to your role as a pastor's wife.
2. Read Proverbs 10: 19 and 26:20-22 and write down what it says to you on this subject.
3. Why does James so vehemently call the tongue an unruly evil?
JOURNAL ...
We all have said things we wish a thousand times we hadn't said. Think back to some important
lessons you have learned --by hindsight perhaps --because of the misuse of the tongue. Write
these lessons down and tell how they have helped you in this area.
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, I pray with the Psalmist "Set a watch before my mouth; keep the door of my lips".
(Psalm 141:3) I need
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BOG #5. Criticism - (wives devotional; week 32)
Nobody likes to be criticized—it hits us right in the old PRIDE! How can I deal with those on
my field who have a critical spirit toward me, my husband and my family or our ministry? Three
essentials will help you cope with criticism and no one should enter the ministry without them: a
thick skin, a duck’s back and a sense of humor!
Being able to deal with criticism is a mark of maturity. Psalm 119:165 says, “Great peace have
those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble”. This is a good verse to
commit to memory and practice.
If criticism is constructive and profitable (occasionally it is!), ask God to give you the grace to
profit from it. If it is unprofitable and unjust or even cruel, ask God for the grace to forgive and
let the hurt go. Put the responsibility for “making it right” in God’s hands. Romans 12:19
instructs, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is
written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Once you have surrendered the
situation or person to God, you are free to let His Spirit control you, not your own hurt. This
may need to turn the situation back over to the Lord many times before you feel free of the hurt.
Criticism is especially difficult to deal with when it strikes against those we love most—our
husbands and children. You can say something like “you have given me something to think
about and pray about”. It does little or no good to be defensive against criticism. Commit it to
the Lord. Do not allow people to use you as a vehicle for complaints. Do not take the “monkey”
(problem they have with someone) on yourself to go fix. Let them take it directly to your
husband or that specific person themselves.
Be aware of this basic trait in people. Unhappy people want to make others unhappy and the
best way to make others unhappy is to criticize them or their families. Ask God to help you see
why this critical person is seeking to put others down. What is the basic cause of their
unhappiness? It isn’t you—you are just the victim. Perhaps you can be used of God to help that
person to spiritual victory over their problem.
On the flip side of the record, you may have to deal with your own critical spirit. If you detect
yourself falling into the trap of finding fault with others continually, put an abrupt halt to it by
depending upon the power of the Holy Spirit within you. Ask God to replace criticism with love
for the individual. Don’t criticize one member of the flock to another, no matter how much the
person may “bug” you. If you must tell someone, tell God in prayer.
How valuable a sense of humor is! Many situations will “snow you under” unless you have the
ability to laugh—especially at yourselves. Learn not to take things too seriously. Many
situations which could be so hurtful can later be sources of humor because you have learned to
laugh instead of cry.
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Scripture Reading -Colossians 3:12-17,23
As stated in the Manual, criticism is a bitter pill to swallow! No one enjoys being criticized,
justly or unjustly. Our Scripture reading this week contains some profitable guidelines to follow
in learning to cope with criticism from others, as well as a critical spirit which may crop up in
ourselves.
1. According to verses 12-14, what is the proper attitude to have towards someone who is critical
of us, our family or ministry?
2. What do you see from verse 15 that would be the result of maintaining this attitude?
3. Read verses 17 and 23 and state what is to be the real focus of all we do. How will this
realization help us cope with criticism?
JOURNAL...
This week think back to a time you have been crushed by criticism. How did you handle it?
What lessons did you learn from it? If a critical spirit is a problem in your own life, what can you
do to gain victory over it?
PRAYER ...
Lord Jesus, help me to be mature enough to handle criticism properly. Help me to
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BOG #6. Loneliness - (wives devotional; week 33)
One of the problems most often voiced by missionary wives is this, “I get so lonely—I miss
having a close friend with whom I can really confide”. It is a problem that can cause a lot of
stress, especially in the life of one who “needs close friends”. There is no “pat solution”, but we
can creatively address it by looking for friendship in all age groups in your church or
community.
When you do develop a close friendship, you will need to take care that it doesn’t draw you
away from friendship with others. You may have a good friend in the church, but remember you
are the Pastor’s wife for all your congregation.
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In Psalm 73, the Psalmist is lamenting life's injustices (actually, feeling sorry for himself!). "Why
do good things happen to the wicked and bad things to the godly" is his premise. Finally, God
reveals to him that the wicked will eventually receive their "reward". He realizes how truly
blessed he is to be a child of the Eternal God. We are sometimes prone to feel sorry for ourselves
because of loneliness. It can be a very real emotion but God has given answers.
1. As you read these verses, what can you detect to help you in times of loneliness?
2. What are some of the rewards God promises to those who faithfully serve Him?
3. How is Eccl. 9:10 a guideline of help when one is lonely?
JOURNAL. ..
This week ponder times when you have experienced real loneliness as a pastor's wife. What did
you do about it? Write down verses of Scripture which are helpful to you in coping with this very
real emotion.
PRAYER. ..
Oh Lord, when I am experiencing times of loneliness, help me to remember
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Some Village Missionaries are fortunate to have Village Missions fields near enough so they can
get together with these VMers from time to time. This can be a source of strength and
encouragement to you both. Be sure you take full advantage of the monthly VM Fellowship
Days held in your area. It is so important that you get together with the other Village
Missionaries to share, to pray, to laugh and to strengthen each other. Give this day a “top
priority” in planning your monthly calendar. If you have pre-schoolers—perhaps they could be
left with someone in your church for the day; if you have school age children, make this a special
day for them by making arrangements for them to go home after school with a friend if you are
unable to get back home in time. This time with the other VM wives will so encourage you as
well as giving you an opportunity to “talk out” your needs to a sympathetic ear.
BOG #7. Time
Be on guard against those who monopolize your time. Some think they are “called” to visit with
the pastor’s wife over coffee several mornings a week. Mostly it is simply motivated by their
love for you and their need for someone to pay attention to them. Ask God to help you discern
between real need and petty demands upon your precious time. If you find yourself falling
victim to such a one, be firm in letting her know that you have a busy schedule which must be
met that day. Be loving and not rude. If you find that a lady in the church does spend many
hours at your house, save jobs you can do while being in one room, such as mending, ironing,
baking cookies, etc.
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Scripture Reading -Hebrews 10: 19-25
This familiar verse of Scripture in Hebrews 10:25 is used to challenge people to church
attendance, but it can well be used to encourage us, as Village Missionaries, to meet together
(when at all possible) for monthly days of fellowship and prayer. Often, we may feel we are just
too busy to take the time for the long trip to fellowship days. However, meeting together is so
important and should not be neglected by you and your husband.
1. According to verse 24, what are some of the benefits of meeting together with other believers?
2. List some of the “one another” things we can only do in relationship with other believers.
Examples: love one another, serve one another…
3. In verse 25, what big event should motivate us to meet together as believers?
JOURNAL ...
Write down some of the benefits you receive from your times together with the other
missionaries. What can you and your husband do to make these times together more meaningful
for yourselves as well as others? If you are in a situation where it is impossible for you to get
together with other Village Missionaries, what can you do to compensate for this?
PRAYER. ..
Lord Jesus, I know how much I need fellowship and encouragement. I want
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2. TO MAINTAIN GOOD WORKS…(wives devotional; week 35)
Our Scripture in Titus 3:8 says we are to be careful to maintain good works. There are so many
ways you can put this verse to practical use in your ministry.
Be genuinely interested in people. So many are in need of someone just to listen to them. The
world would be a better place if we had fewer talkers and more listeners. It is a beautiful person
who makes others feel important and shows interest in what interests them. Study people—learn
about people—appreciate people. Ask questions based on your previous meeting. (“How is
your aunt in Chicago doing since her surgery? I’ve been praying for her.”)
Discipline yourself to learning names quickly—nothing is sweeter to the ear than hearing your
own name. Jesus said, “I call my sheep by name. . “. Aren’t you glad He knows your name?
People are impressed and gladdened when you can call them by name. Work at it - it pays
dividends. If you tend to forget names, write them down on the bulletin or in a notebook – try
adding a description that will jog your memory.
There is one thing you should never leave home without—a smile! The world is starving for a
smile that says, “I love you. I care. I’m genuinely concerned”. You can give smiles everywhere
and it doesn’t cost a cent.
God has not appointed us to be judges—we must leave that to Him. Remember this as you deal
with people and their situations. Ask God to help you view situations from the other person’s
point of view—“looking through their eyeballs”, so to speak.
• A person may appear to be a grouch because he or she is not well.
• A person may appear aloof and stuck up when in fact he or she is painfully shy and is
acting aloof to protect himself from people.
• A teenager may act badly because he comes from a home situation that is deplorable and
his actions are a reflection of his inner hurts.
You will constantly run into situations like this. A person’s outward behavior is often the result
of an inner conflicts, or problems, or physical needs. When you are aware of this fact you will
have greater joy and peace in working with people. God will give you discernment and you may
be used of Him to help them.
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Scripture Reading -Romans 12:9-20
This week's reading deals with associations with those in our congregation and community.
Increasingly, the world is filled with people with a multitude of serious problems. We are called
upon to minister to them. Our Scripture reading contains important guidelines in dealing with
people within and outside the church. Please read it carefully and prayerfully.
1. According to verses 9 and 10, what should be the most important quality we exhibit to others?
2. Love should be "without hypocrisy". What does this mean? (Look it up in other versions.)
3. Why is James 1:19 good advice to those in ministry?
JOURNAL ...
Reread Romans 12: 11-16 and jot down ideas which come to you from these verses which will
help you become involved in the lives of others in your congregation and community. Make a
real effort to put some of these into practice.
PRAYER...
Dear Lord, You gave Yourself for me. May I be willing to
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It might be well to mention your position in the total church program. You must recognize that
you are not called to be the leader of the church, even if you have (or feel you have) leadership
ability. Leave matters of administration to your husband and/or the church board and don’t be
guilty of making decisions that are not yours to make. Some wives have all but destroyed their
husband’s ministry by their unwarranted and unwise interference in church business matters.
It is well that you and your husband develop a positive attitude toward the Mission with which
you are affiliated. Determine early in your ministry to cooperate fully with Village Missions and
the policies which are set forth by the Executive Director and the National Board, realizing these
policies have been tried and tested over many years. Be excited about Village Missions and
convey this excitement to your people. Share stories from the fields of victories and blessings as
well as prayer requests. By your attitude make the people know how thrilled you are to be a part
of the Village Missions family.
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Scripture Reading -Hebrews 13:7-9, 15-17
This week's section deals briefly with church administration and our association with Village
Missions. Just remember, ladies, you are not running the church --leave these matters to your
husband and his Board.
Our attitude towards Village Missions and those whom God has placed in positions of leadership
is so important. The policies set forth by the Mission have been tried and tested and are for the
good of all.
1. Verses 7 and 17 of Hebrews 13 say we are to “remember" and "obey” those in positions of
leadership. What other important thing must you do for them? (I Timothy 2: 1-2)
2. How can we best show our loyalty to Village Missions? Read I Thessalonians 5:12-13. 3.
What should we do when we are in disagreement with policies set forth by the Mission?
JOURNAL. ..
It is sad to say that some Village Missions' churches have no indication anywhere of their
affiliation with Village Missions. What can you do, as a Village Missionary, to let your
congregation know more about Village Missions and that you are excited to be a part of this
God-ordained ministry?
PRAYER. ..
Dear Jesus, many times I fail to remember to pray for Village Missions and those in positions of
leadership. I want to
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3. GOOD AND BENFICIAL TO OTHERS . . . (wives devotional; week 37)
Our verse says we are to be good and profitable. Jesus said He came “not to be served, but to
serve . ..”. We as His followers should be willing to maintain the same attitude toward our
ministry. God helps us all to be profitable servants. You have God given talents. Use them,
don’t hide them.
God has given us missionary wives who have an abundance of talents in many areas. The world
says, “Get out of that house—use your talents to fulfill yourself”. Ask God to help you channel
your talents, whatever they might be, for His glory.
Some pastor’s wives feel they have no talents, especially when they compare themselves with
others. Ask God for wisdom and discernment to understand how He wants you to use your
strengths to serve the church and community. Sometimes we get the mistaken idea that the only
talents God uses are the “showy” ones, like playing the piano, singing, or teaching. If God has
blessed you with those abilities, use them. If God has chosen to bless you with talents that are
more behind-the-scenes, praise Him for them and serve in the ways He has gifted you. You may
have the gift of a listening ear, or the ability to say the right words of comfort and
encouragement. Some have a special gift of ministering to babies and small children, or with
teens, or with the elderly.
Musical abilities, of course, are natural for the many facets of the ministry. Artistic abilities can
be channeled to teaching craft classes, which often bring in the unsaved, to preparing props for
children’s events, and helping with decorating the church for seasons and events. Whatever your
talents, there is way to use them in ministry and to serve others.
One very special talent and ability, which is often overlooked, is the gift of being a gracious
hostess. Some of the many books written for and about pastors’ wives bemoan the fact that the
parsonage is a goldfish bowl. They impart the attitude that it is your home and you have the
right to shut the door and not let anyone in. There is truth to this—the parsonage is your home
and should be respected as such. There are certainly times when the doors of the parsonage
should be closed to outsiders. However, it is a great privilege to use your home—God’s home—
for His glory. Hospitality is listed as a spiritual gift in Romans 12:13. You can use this gift by
learning to be a hospitable and gracious hostess. There is a vast difference between entertaining
and hospitality. Entertaining says, “See what I have done. Isn’t my table lovely? Aren’t I a
good cook?”. Hospitality says, “We are so delighted you could come. We want to share our
lives with you. Our heart is open to you”. The important ingredient of hospitality is to make
people feel comfortable. A gracious hostess knows how to do this. As you invite people into
your home—whether for a special dinner or a bowl of soup—you have the opportunity to share
in their lives. Many people have decided that “Christianity is for real” as they have enjoyed the
warmth and love of a pastor’s home.
Helpful hints for hospitality with a meal:

• Give some thought ahead of time as to where each of your guests will be seated at the
table. Don’t put several small children beside each other; this makes passing dishes of
food rather difficult. Perhaps a parent seated next to their child would be easier.
• Mixing and matching dishes can make a very attractive table and no one notices that you
don’t have enough of one set.
• Watch for sales on inexpensive and washable table linens that can be mixed and matched.
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• Use your ice cream scoop to put a scoop of soft butter in or on a pretty dish for the meal.
Your company shouldn’t have to use the normal butter tub with toast crumbs in it that
you as a family use every day!
You can get to know your people by having them in your home. Some suggestions are:
• Have the members of the Church Board in for a simple dinner.
• Invite visitors over for dessert following an evening service.
• Invite couples to dinner during the month of their anniversary, making a very special
evening for them.
• Have a luncheon for the widows, or young mothers, or senior citizens. They will love the
special attention.
Of course, this ministry will depend upon your own abilities and situation. If you force yourself
into doing these things when you are not really ready or able, it could be disastrous. Many wives
are very talented with decorating skills and the art of hospitality. Other wives are at a loss. If
you feel inadequate with your skills, please ask a senior missionary, your DR’s wife or a close
friend. Libraries have a lot of books on these subjects too. Because this can be an important part
of your ministry, it would be wise to learn the art of hospitality.
Scripture Reading -Romans 12: 1-8
This week we are focusing on using the talents and abilities God has given us for His glory,
regardless of what they are. Each of us is different and God will use us in different ways as we
yield our lives to His service. Don't bemoan the fact that your talents and abilities aren't like
others. Use, with gracious pride, what God has given you.
1. What is the first thing we give to God in service according to these familiar verses -Romans
12: 1-2?
2. What warning do you see in verses 3-5?
3. Why is hospitality an important gift? (Hebrews 13:2) What do you think "angels unawares"
really means?
JOURNAL ...
Honestly list the talents and abilities you think God has given you. Are you using them to
minister to others? What abilities would you like to develop for the Lord?
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, I want to be a living sacrifice. Use me by
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It is necessary to say a few words about your home itself. We need to be mindful of the
appearance of our home, because it speaks as a further witness for Christ in the community. It
need not be a showplace, but a place where people feel comfortable and wanted.
Neatness never goes out of style. There is a vast difference between filth and normal clutter.
You have an obligation to God, to your family and to yourself (not to mention the church family
who has provided you with a lovely home—sometimes one of the nicest in town) to keep it clean
and neat to the best of your ability. Some by personality, are immaculate housekeepers; for most
the job comes a little harder, and for some it is sheer torture. But let’s face it; it is a poor
testimony for the parsonage to look like it was struck by a cyclone. If you have problems in this
area, you may have to curtail some other activities to enable you to concentrate on this important
area. It is hard for a mother with small children to keep her home spotless and neat at all times,
and this is not what we mean. We are not talking about the ordinary day-to-day mess that we all
contend with. We are talking about accumulated clutter such as stacks of mail and papers,
yesterday’s dirty dishes, garbage that needs taken out, accumulation of coats and shoes that never
get picked up. There are, of course, exceptions—sickness, an extra busy week of ministry, etc.,
and people will understand this. Treat the parsonage as if you owned it and take pride in it.
Most churches are more than willing to keep up the parsonage when they see you are taking care
of it and are diligent in keeping it clean.
A few suggestions along this line:
1. Learn to pick up as you go. When you have to go to another part of the house, or the garage,
or the basement, take with you things that need to be taken to those areas. Before you go to
bed at night, spend a few minutes picking up, especially the living room.
2. Try to have the room where people enter first, in a state of readiness as much as possible—
things picked up and reasonably neat. Unfortunately, in some parsonages, people always
come to the kitchen door, and this makes the job a bit harder.
3. Enlist members of the family to help keep things picked up. They are never too young to
begin this training. Idea: before putting the children to bed set a timer for a few minutes and
have a “contest” to see how much you and the children can get picked up before it goes off.
Perhaps have an occasional contest to see who can pick up the most toys in that time.
4. Never apologize for the appearance of your home. This only calls attention to its appearance.
If people catch you off guard, like early in the morning before you’ve had a “fighting
chance”, they should be embarrassed not you. Remember that your desire is to make them
feel welcome, not show off your home.
5. In your efforts to keep your house neat, don’t forget the outside—the yard, back porch, etc.
Again, the entire family should work together to keep the parsonage yard a testimony in the
community by helping with the mowing, weeding and so on. This is another opportunity to
teach your children to care for a home and yard. Working outside if you have neighbors or
live in a small town can be a great way to visit with people who pass by.
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If you have pets, keep them controlled. A “pastor’s dog” who roams the neighborhood or barks
incessantly can cause ill feelings on the part of those you are trying to win to the Lord.
6. Always bear in mind that the most important characteristic of your home should be an
atmosphere of warmth and love. Don’t put “things” before “people”. Many people come to
the parsonage with a desperate need to be listened to and know that someone cares. You can
set the pace for this by being relaxed and comfortable and not apologetic and embarrassed.
Scripture Reading -Matthew 5:13-16
The Bible, of course, is a spiritual book and, as such, does not have much to say about such
mundane things as housekeeping, neat yards and such. However, it cannot be stressed enough
how necessary it is that you take pride in your home and keep it neat and clean for the glory of
God. Like it or not, it is an extension of your ministry. Please read the Manual section carefully -
-it is important.
1. Why is the appearance of our homes (inside and out) a part of our witness in the community?
2. Read I Corinthians 14:40. Even though this is a "spiritual" verse, how can it relate to our "non-
spiritual" life?
3. Do you think reasonably good housekeeping falls under the category of "good works" in
Matthew 5:16? Explain your answer.
JOURNAL...
For some, housekeeping is not a favorite pursuit. Examine your own home right now, trying to
see it through the eyes of your congregation and community. What does the general condition of
your home -- inside and out --tell them? What can you do to make your home more presentable?
Reread the six suggestions in the Manual.
PRAYER...
Lord Jesus, I want every facet of my life to reflect my love for you. I need help in
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A wise man once said, “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus
concerning you. . .” (I Thessalonians 5:18). How beautiful it is when we can learn to live a life
of thanksgiving. This beauty, which comes from within a contented spirit, is deeply marred by a
spirit of grumbling and complaining. This wise man is the same one who said, “I have learned
in whatever state I am, in this to be content”. Granted, some parsonages are less than ideal,
but please, please, for the sake of your ministry, your family and your own sound mind, be
thankful for what has been lovingly provided for you and your family.
Each church will provide a parsonage for the pastor and his wife. They are trying to provide the
best they can for you given the resources available to them. Express your thankfulness for what
they have provided and be a good steward of it. Practically, this involves doing your best to
make the outside and inside of your parsonage presentable. Spreading out chores to family
members throughout the week will help with this. Remember that when you move to a new
field, you should leave the parsonage clean; the next occupants will likely be Village
Missionaries too.
Most churches are truly doing the best they can to provide an adequate salary and home for their
pastor—often at personal sacrifice. It is not Christ-like to complain about your situation. Be so
careful of complaining how your children are deprived of this and that, that there just isn’t
enough money. God has promised to supply all our needs, be careful that your heart doesn’t
become greedy or demanding in what you expect Him to do for you.
Ask God to give you wisdom in the handling of finances. Perhaps your husband has turned this
responsibility over to you. If so, do your best with God’s help, to wisely budget what He has
provided. There are many good books available on this subject, written from your viewpoint as a
pastor’s family; get one and read it carefully. It is a poor testimony for the pastor to be overdue
with his obligations. If this is often your case, you need to reexamine your financial picture and
either begin to make changes in your spending patterns or raise additional support to cover the
legitimate needs of your family.
As people in the congregation do things for you, be thankful and show appreciation, however
small or insignificant the gift may seem. These are tokens of love to you and should be
acknowledged as such. A note of thanks is so appreciated for gifts and deeds of kindness done
by the people of your church family. Special occasions, such as Thanksgiving, are also good
opportunities to write notes of appreciation for kindness shown to you and your family.
Everything you do as the wife of the pastor should be motivated by your love for the Lord. Two
excellent verses of Scripture to make a part of your life are the first part of I Thessalonians 4:11
(“. . make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.”), and I Peter 3:4 (“. . . the unfading beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”) Notice that it says to
“make it your ambition”, in other words, it takes effort to become this kind of woman. A truly
beautiful woman has a “gentle and quiet spirit”. This has nothing do to personality, it is a
character quality all can develop. Even Moses was described in the Bible as “gentle”.
Gentleness is “strength under control”. Gentleness is love in action. It is relaxed and confident;
it lets those around it know that its trust is in God. Your life can be a calming influence or a
source of agitation—the choice is up to you.
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Try to be prompt (or even a little early) as far as church activities are concerned. To be always
late shows irresponsibility and is a blemish on your character and a hindrance to your husband’s
ministry. Again, there are always exceptions and people will understand those days when
everything goes wrong and you arrive a bit late and out of breath. However, if this happens
consistently, it is an indication that you need to “get organized” a bit earlier.
It is good for you to join your husband at the door following the services. The people will
appreciate your handshake and smile, and your husband will love having you there beside him.
However, if you have young children, you may not be able to do this, as they will need to be
supervised during that time.
When you answer a phone, do so with a pleasant answering voice—one that conveys a smile to
the person on the other end. Be careful about letting small children answer the phone, if the
caller is family you can pass the phone to the child.
Be dependable. If you volunteer to do something, do it. Let the people know they can count on
you to be true to your word. Naturally, this means you must be careful when it comes to
volunteering, because we as pastors’ wives have a built-in tendency to “over volunteer”!
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• The Joy of Hospitality – A Bible Study for Women by Dee Brestin Victor Books
• Get More Done In Less Time by Donna Otto Harvest House
• Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains David C. Cook
• The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey Ramsey Press

A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness
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Week 39 - “YOU AND YOUR CONGREGATION” (14)
These last paragraphs of the chapter deal with a number of things. Perhaps the most important to
remember is to develop a spirit of thanksgiving for all God has done for us. Someone once said,
“True thanksgiving results in thanksliving". Let people know you appreciate them and what they
have done for you.
1. Read I Timothy 6:6-8. How is being content with what we have a spiritual virtue?
2. What harsh warning does God give us about coveting what we don't have in Ephesians 5:3-5?
3. What should be our comfort and strength in times when we are tempted to be covetous?
(Hebrews 13:5-6)
JOURNAL...
Take a few minutes to list some of the blessings of the ministry. (Check back to Week 26 if you
like.) Read again Psalm 100, and then write your own Psalm of Thanksgiving, expressing to God
your gratefulness for His goodness to you.
PRAYER...
Dear God, forgive my often ungrateful heart. I thank You for
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YOU AND YOUR COMMUNITY
As we have discussed your responsibilities, first to God, then to your husband and family, and to
the congregation, the question arises, “Should I also become involved in the community?” This
is an area where you will again have to seek the mind of God for your own personal situation.
One of the hardest words to learn to say is “NO”. “No” to those in the church and otherwise who
would monopolize your time. People recognize in you a valuable and influential worker, and
they will try to involve you in a host of projects and activities.
Here are a few guidelines that might be helpful.
1. Ask yourself the question, “Will this activity take priority over those things God has given a
higher priority in my life?” “Will I have to sacrifice more important things to pursue this?”
If the answer is honestly “Yes”, then perhaps you need to reconsider.
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Week 40 -"YOU AND YOUR COMMUNITY" (1)
Scripture Reading -II Corinthians 3:1-5
We have already talked about "visitation" --getting involved in the lives of people in your church
and community. Being involved in the community can be an effective extension of your
ministry. Many
Village Missionaries are members of the local fire department, E.M.T.s, involved in the school,
etc., and have had tremendous opportunities to share Christ with those who do not attend
services at the church.
1. Read II Corinthians 3:2 from several versions and then put in your own words what it says to
you.
2. How do you think Matthew 6:33 could be applied to the matter of community involvement?
3. Is 1 John 2:15 in conflict with the idea of community involvement? Explain your reasoning.
JOURNAL ...
List some areas in your community that could be avenues of ministry to you and your family.
Note some dangers of becoming involved and how you can deal with them. Write about times
you have been a witness in a "non-church" setting.
PRAYER ...
Lord Jesus, we are in the world, but not of the world. I want to
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2. Another question: “Can I make this project or activity an outreach of my total ministry?”
“Can I be a witness for my Lord by participating in this?” Many pastors’ wives have an
effective ministry in the community by joining Weight Watchers, a craft class, helping
occasionally at school, or other community activities. Besides the benefit of getting yourself
out of the routine of every day, you will often meet an entirely different group of people by
joining something in the community, and often as not many of these will be people who
desperately need the Lord. It can be a real opportunity of service. Just beware of over
involvement to the detriment of your other priorities.
3. Always bear in mind that you are to be an example, as the verse above states. Others,
knowing who you are, will be watching to see how a “Christian (pastor’s wife) acts outside
of the church”. Some have, unfortunately, been guilty of acting one way at the church and
entirely different in the community. Be consistently friendly and gracious—even when you
don’t feel like it.
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Scripture Reading -II Corinthians 5: 17-21
All around us there are people reaching out with a multitude of hurts and problems. Many of
them would never go to a church and/or pastor seeking answers. However, as they see in you a
warm, caring person, you may have the opportunity of gaining their confidence and then
eventually of sharing Christ with them.
1. What does verse 17 tell you is essential as we make contact with those outside our church
family?
2. What important ministry has God committed to us (verses 18-19)?
3. Look up "ambassador" in a dictionary and see how the definition relates to your position as an
"ambassador for Christ".
JOURNAL ...
Think back over the past several weeks and bring to memory your associations with those
outside the church. Did your life have an impact on them? Were you able to share Christ? In
what ways can you improve your ability to share Christ without being offensive?
PRAYER...
Dear Lord, open doors for me to be a witness for You by
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4. Reach out to new contacts. In a gathering, whether it is a school program or a church event,
we are prone to glance around the room for a friendly face and then go sit by that person we
know. Learn to breathe a prayer as you enter the room, “Lord, who can I sit by that I might
be able to befriend for Your sake? Who might need some encouragement?”
You can gain new contacts both in the church and in the community by enlisting the aid of others
to help you in learning new skills, such as canning, baking, sewing or decorating. People love to
share their talents and abilities and this can eventually be an open door for you to share Christ. If
you have special talents and abilities along this line, you can have the opportunity of sharing
them with others as well.
Someone wrote “My daughter, whose husband is transferred quite frequently, has learned not to
wait for new neighbors to extend their hands. Once, on a visit to her in a new town, I was
surprised at a gesture she made. She had prepared invitations to a coffee hour to all her
neighbors, none of whom she knew, for two or three blocks. We delivered the invitations from
house to house. To our surprise, she began to get telephone calls asking what could be done to
help. But the biggest surprise was the day of the party. More than fifty women showed up. One
woman reported that she had not had a visit or a call since she moved there three months before.
Needless to say, the party was a smashing success.”
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Scripture Reading -I Corinthians 9: 16-23

This week's Scripture reading is really "well put" in the Living Bible. If possible, read it from
there. Paul gives some excellent guidelines in witnessing and we can learn from his instruction.
I. According to verses 17 and 18 (Living Bible), what was the "reward" Paul was seeking as he
preached the Gospel?
2. In verse 19 he states he has become a servant to all, to win them to Christ. How can we be a
servant to the unsaved?
3. In verses 20 and 22 (again, Living Bible), what was Paul very careful not to do, of which we
need also to be on guard?
JOURNAL. ..
Perhaps you have had or will have the opportunity to share Christ with an unsaved person in the -
community. Can you quote verses necessary to share the plan of salvation simply with them? Do
you have something in your purse to give to them to enforce what you have shared ("Life" Series
booklet, tract, etc.)? Jot down this week your simple "plan of action" in witnessing.
PRAYER. ..
Dear Lord, help me to take advantage of every opportunity to witness for You, realizing
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5. Beware of questionable activities, regardless of how harmless it may seem to you. Don’t be
guilty of causing a weaker brother or sister to stumble. We often have the attitude, “What I
do is my own business”, but in our holy calling, this is not the case. Never bring reproach
upon your husband’s ministry (which is your ministry, too), or your Lord, by your actions or
appearance in public.
Village Missions has stated that wives can work outside the home in addition to ministry with
their husband. When you are considering getting a part time job, ask yourself these questions:
1. What is my motivation? Am I doing it because we need extra income to live on? If so,
then the answer goes back to fundraising not a job.
2. Does the time commitment fit with my other responsibilities in the church & community?
3. Does it fit the season I’m in? If you are an empty nester, you will have more time
available than if your kids are still living at home.
4. Does it give me connections with non-Christians and a chance to build relationships, or

do I basically work by myself and not much with others?
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Week 43 - “YOU AND YOUR COMMUNITY" (4)
Scripture Reading -Romans 14:13-19
As Village Missionary wives, we must be very careful about questionable activities. Things
which may seem perfectly all right to us may be very offensive in your area. Become familiar
with customs in your community and be willing to adjust.
1. What is our responsibility toward others in verse 13?
2. What, in verses 15-17, is more important than having your own way?
3. What should be our ultimate goal in our relationship to others (verse 19)?
JOURNAL ...
Where can you plug into your community that would allow you to gain common ground with
non-Christians?
PRAYER...
Lord, give me wisdom to know where I should get involved in my community to be a witness for
you.
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YOU AND YOURSELF
You have one very important person to watch out for—yourself. You have particular needs
which require your concern in order for your ministry to be as effective as God intends for it to
be.
1. PHYSICALLY
We are often so unwise in this area, feeling that truly “spiritual people” are not too concerned
over physical needs. God has given us a priceless possession in our body, which is referred to as
the Temple of the Holy Spirit in I Corinthians 6:19. In fact, it is the only one you will get this
side of Glory! No trade-ins on this model!
A fatigued Christian is an open target for Satan. He hits us from every direction when our bodies
have reached their limit physically—tempers flare, resentments and self-pity mushroom and tears
flow—all because we are just plain TIRED! A good night’s sleep is essential if you are going to
be your best for God. Get to bed at a reasonable hour, even if your “list” has things still undone.
If possible, slip in a short nap in the afternoon. It is said that a fifteen-minute nap during the day
is worth an hour’s sleep at night. Discipline yourself to have a “mental shut-off valve”—the
ability to forget everything that is on your mind for those few minutes of naptime. Even if you
don’t sleep, the completely relaxed feeling will do wonders to restore you.
You and your husband should take advantage of “pastor’s day off” by getting away from the
ringing phone and doorbell. You need to do this even if it is only going to town to shop or out to
lunch. Try not to use your whole day off to run errands. If you do stay home, you are not
required to answer the phone. Let it go to voicemail. Do something on your day off that
refreshes you. Some ideas are take a walk with your spouse or family in creation, read, play a
board game as a family, do a hobby, or nap. This day is meant to refill you so you can keep
giving out to your family, church and community. The main thing is to have a break in your
routine and the only way to sometimes do this is to get out of town.
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Week 44 -"YOU AND YOURSELF" (1)
Scripture Reading -I Kings 19:4-8
This very interesting story in I Kings concerns the prophet Elijah. He had just encountered some
850 false prophets on Mt. Carmel and had proven there is no God but Jehovah! What a great
victory! He then prophesied the coming of rain after 3 1/2 years of drought. Endued with great
physical strength, he outran King Ahab's chariot back to the city. Then what happened? Often
after great spiritual blessing there is a time of great physical and emotional let-down.
1. What was Elijah's request to God?
2. What two things did Elijah do which ultimately restored him physically (verses 5 and 7)?
3. What was Jesus' advice to the disciples when they returned exhausted from their preaching
tour?
(Mark 6:31)
JOURNAL. ..
Think of specific ways you can get the physical rest you need in spite of your busy schedule. Do
you need to learn discipline in some of these areas? Are there things you could cut down or out
(maybe TV?) to allow yourself more time for rest?
PRAYER...
Dear Jesus, thank You for being my Good Shepherd and continually restoring my soul. I pray
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As mentioned in the section on the family, sensible eating is smart. Determine to keep yourself
fit with a good diet. We are finding more and more that we (many of us, anyway) need to
change our eating habits for ourselves and our families. We all must make our own guidelines in
this area, but our physical appearance and wellbeing have a bearing on our testimony to our
church and community. Unnecessary pounds are a health hazard and speak to people of a lack of
self-control on our part.
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Scripture Reading -Psalm 145: 13- 21
Last week we zeroed in on our physical well-being, and this week we continue to seek ways to
be our best physically so that we may better minister spiritually. Psalm 145 is a song of God's
great goodness and provision. (It wouldn't hurt to read the whole Psalm --there is so much in it!)
1. Eating sensibly is common sense. Read the account in Exodus 16: 14-21 concerning God's
provision of manna. What guidelines for good diet habits do you see there?
2. What should 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 motivate us to do with our bodies?
3. Read 1 Corinthians 16: 12-13a, and put in your own words how it relates to good diet habits.
JOURNAL",.
Ask yourself some hard questions this week. Am I really taking care of my body as well as I
should? Am I getting enough rest? Am I putting good, nourishing food into it? Set some goals
for yourself and follow through with them.
PRAYER. ..
Dear Lord, help me to take care of Your temple by
92
Your appearance—hair, make-up and clothes—are also important for two good reasons. First,
when you look good, you feel good and have a better sense of self-worth. Second, although
1 Samuel 16:7 tells us that God looks on the heart, it also tells us that man looks on the outward
appearance, and what man sees on the outside is a reflection of the inner person. Dress should be
modest but as fashionable as you can with your resources. Our husbands should get our best not
our worst every day. Then remember to wear a smile, especially to greet him. A genuine smile
also goes a long way as you are out and about in your community.
This need not involve a great expense. Simply pay attention to:
1. Cleanliness
2. Make-up
3. Hair
4. Clothes—neat, clean and modest. If unsure an outfit is okay, ask your husband.
93
Scripture Reading -Philippians 2: 12-16
Again, this week we cover a subject about which the Bible says little --our personal appearance.
In fact, we could find several Scriptures stating that the outward appearance has little value, such
as I Peter 3:3. However, how we do look is important! As is said in I Samue1 16:7, man does
look on the outward appearance, and we are often judged by what others see. In our Scripture
reading this week we can sense the importance of being the very best we can be in every area to
bring glory to God.
1. What does it mean to "work out your own salvation"? (Compare Ephesians 2:8-9) 2. What
great promise do you see in verse 13?
3. Why should we do everything we possibly can to be without blame before the world (verses
15-16)?
How does this relate to our personal appearance?
JOURNAL. ..
This week take a little inventory of your personal appearance. Jot down areas where you can and
should improve. Also, what about your children and husband? Are
there things you need to be doing to help them be "well groomed" for the testimony of God?
PRAYER ...
Lord Jesus, You made us body, soul and spirit. I need to take care of all three for Your glory. I
pray
94
Exercise is the third side of the triangle—rest and diet being the other two. In the ministry,
sometimes our only exercise consists of walking from one potluck to another! Plan exercise for
yourself and include your family. It is a good way to be together. Swimming, biking, hiking,
walking, or playing outside, are just a few that you and your family might enjoy.
There are certain things that will mar your inner beauty and it will show in your outward
appearance as well. Worry, anger, fear or depression will all detract from that loveliness God
wants you to impart to your family and congregation.
It is wise for you, and members of your family, to have annual physical check-ups from your
doctor. There have been those who have struggled with the frustrations of the ministry for years
before learning that the basis of their troubles was a physical disorder which was easily
remedied. This same thing applies to your dental needs.
95
Scripture Reading - 1 Timothy 4:6-10
We continue this week on the subject of the physical part of our total makeup. It would be
profitable for you to read this week's Scripture in several versions to get a good understanding of
what it says. Note verse 8, it is telling us it is a need in our physical life, but not to let it
overshadow our spiritual exercises.
1. What, actually, is the difference between physical exercise and spiritual exercise in verse 8? 2.
How can a practice of Ephesians 5:18-21 improve your outer beauty?
3. Is it unspiritual to desire to have a healthy body? (Read 111 John 2) Write down your
reasoning.
JOURNAL. ..
Our outer appearance is often a reflection of our inner condition. Many people who suffer
physical afflictions still radiate inner beauty because they have accepted God's will for their
lives. Think about your inner life --does worry, fear, discontentment, etc., mar your outer beauty?
What will you do about it?
PRAYER...
Oh Lord, I want my life to be a reflection of Your beauty by
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2. MENTALLY - (wives devotional; week 48)
It is so important that you maintain a good mental outlook. This begins with a good self-image.
Everyone is quick to admit that there are things about themselves they would like to change.
Happy is the person who accepts himself as God has made him. By downgrading yourself, you
are actually belittling God who made you. Remorse over things about yourself which you cannot
change is a foolish waste of time. “I just hate my nose! (hair, feet, etc.)” Remember that God
gave you that nose (hair, feet, etc.) and, incidentally, your husband fell in love with you and
asked you to marry him—nose (hair, feet, etc.) and all. You are unique in God’s plan—He
didn’t make anyone else just like you—isn’t that exciting? Because of this, you have a place to
fill in His plan that no other person can fill.
Don’t impair your mental image of yourself by comparing yourself to others, whether it is
someone in the congregation or another Village Missionary wife, or even your talented husband.
Some VM wives have said, “I don’t like being around her because I feel so inferior”, and yet in
that same woman are qualities of grace and beauty often lacking in more “flashy” personalities.
Just remind yourself as often as necessary, “God wants me to be me”.
You can enhance your mental outlook by pampering yourself occasionally. (And this isn’t being
unspiritual!) When you feel good about yourself, it reflects in the other areas of your life. So,
for the sake of your congregation and family, treat yourself occasionally—take an afternoon off
and go shopping just for nothing, or do just what you like to do---read a book, pursue a hobby,
take a walk, get a new hair style, soak in the tub for an hour, whatever. This refreshing time will
renew you for the heavy schedule you face ahead.
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It is so easy for us humans to become dissatisfied with what we are. We fall into the trap of
comparing ourselves with others. Remember the verse from II Corinthians 10:12, which says that
comparing ourselves with others is not wise! The Scripture reading this week is so magnificent
in reminding us of all we have in Christ Jesus. Read it carefully.
1. How has God blessed us in verses 3 and 4?
2. In verse 5, what is the good pleasure of God's will concerning us?
3. What phrase in verse 6 should help us never feel we are second-class in God's sight? What
does this mean to you?
JOURNAL. ..
You surely have heard the Prayer of Serenity:
"God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
What things about your life can you change for the better? What things are beyond your control
to change? Write your own "Prayer of Serenity".
PRAYER... Dear Lord,
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There are so many excellent books on every subject, and “confirmed book worms” get frustrated
because they cannot read them all. Learn to select good books and profit from reading. If time
permits, take a correspondence course to keep your mind sharp, or register for a CDI class.
Surround yourself with good music. Above all, keep a song in your heart—Satan has trouble
with singing Christians.
One bit of advice. If you find yourself unable to cope with all the stresses put upon you, don’t be
ashamed to admit it and seek help. So many times, pastors’ wives (young and older) are
unwilling to admit their deep mental and spiritual needs and put off seeking help until it is almost
too late. This is sad—and unnecessary. If you find yourself in this position, talk to your District
Representative wife, or an older Village Missionary wife, or the wife of a pastor in a neighboring
city. Above all, talk it out with your husband—let him know just how you feel, and spend time
together praying.
Remember, as wives, we are one-half of the important team being sent out. If we don’t make it,
our husbands won’t either. Be yourself and keep your priorities in order. In your involvement
be sure and save some of yourself for the ministries that only the pastor’s wife can do. Only you
can encourage the Pastor: only you can keep your home the parsonage, in good order, and be a
gracious hostess; only you can share in and pray for the confidential burdens and problems of the
ministry; only you can be a good mother to the Pastor’s children. Please save something for
these most important ministries. Be wise in finding your place in ministry, but not
overcommitting.
99
Filling your life with good things mentally is as necessary as filling your body with good,
nourishing foods. This week we are challenged to good reading and good music. Remember the
old saying "Garbage in --garbage out"???? It is still true that what we put into our heads will
come out one way or another.
Our Psalm this week is a Song of Praise and confidence in God. It will help you fill your mind
with good things from God.
1. In verse 1, how often should we praise the Lord?
2. Another dictionary assignment: Look up the word "magnify" (verse 3) and explain its meaning
in relation to praising God.
3. What does the phrase "taste and see that the Lord is good" mean to you?
JOURNAL. ..
Make a list of books you have read in recent weeks and mention something profitable you gained
from each. Do you read "just for fun" (other than to your children or grandchildren)? When, in
your busy schedule, can you salvage a few minutes to fortify your life through good books and
magazines? Make a plan of action.
PRAYER ...
Oh Lord, help me not to be content as I am, but to feed my spirit with good things like
100
3. SPIRITUALLY - (wives devotional; week 50)
The spiritual aspects of your life were covered in section one, (YOU AND YOUR GOD).
Perhaps at this point it might be well to reread that section. We close with just a few
reminders—sort of a “last check” of the house before closing the door.
1. Look to the Lord continually and trust Him completely in every area of your life.
2. Make the Word of God a part of your life—read it often, memorize it, meditate upon it, but
most of all ask God’s help to apply it.
3. Pray throughout your day as you parent, listen to your husband, meet with other women in
your church or community. Make prayer as natural as breathing.
4. Have a heart of thankfulness!
Key Resources:
• Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by JoAnna Weaver WaterBrook
• Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes Crossway
101
Week 50 - -"YOU AND YOURSELF" (7)
Scripture Reading -Psalm 103
As we come to the end of our year in the Manual, we trust that it has been a profitable time for
you. This week, if you have time, browse back through this devotional guide, reading especially
some of your "Journal Jottings".
I. What, during this past year's devotional study, has been the biggest help to you?
2. What changes in your life have happened because of this time in the Manual and in the Word?
3. What verse or verses of Scripture would you select as a "verse of the year" for the coming
year?
JOURNAL ...
As you contemplate the year past, write a letter to yourself expressing some of the helps you may
have gained from this study and setting some goals for the year ahead.
PRAYER. ..
(Write a prayer to God asking His help in fulfilling these goals.)
102
Recommended Reading
I Didn’t Know What to Say by David Knapp
The Strong-Willed Wife by Dr. Debbie Cherry
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
The Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
Love & Respect by Emerson Eggrich
Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
Table Talk Counseling by Muriel Cook
Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin
The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan
Rhythms of Rest by Shelly Miller
Counsel From the Cross by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Relationships, A Mess Worth Making by Timothy Lane and Paul David Tripp
Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges
The Best Yes by Lisa Terkeurst
A Sweet & Bitter Providence by John Piper
You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes by Lisa McKay
The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness
Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Cherish by Gary Thomas
Just Between Us – Blog and Magazine by Jill Briscoe

www.justbetweenus.org
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Wives Manual

Serving Him together,

This Manual has been categorized into six basic areas:

1. You and Your God

II. You and Your Husband…………………………………………15-30

III. You and Your Family…………………………………………..31-50

IV. You and Your Congregation…………………………………...51-80

V. You and Your Community……………………………………...81-88

VI. You and Yourself……………………………………………….89-102

VII. Recommended Reading………………………………………….103

1. I have privacy—no one else is up.

Week 2 -"YOU AND YOUR GOD" (2)

Scripture Reading -Colossians 1:9-14

2. What do you think I Thessalonians 5:18 really means?

Scripture Reading -Mark 6:31-34

2. How do you respond to interruptions, especially unpleasant ones?

These verses are good advice for God’s servants!

Scripture Reading -Luke 10:38-42

3. How can verse 42 help you in establishing priorities?

Some pastors’ wives have testified of breakdowns—nervous, physical and mental—because of

Scripture Reading -Isaiah 40:28-31

and lean not on your own understanding;

Additional Recommended Reading:

• Disciplines Of The Heart By Anne Ortland Inspirational Press

• Calm My Anxious Heart By Linda Dillow Navpress

Scripture Reading -Psalm 37: 1- 7

" JOURNAL ...

Scripture Reading -Ephesians 5:22-27

2. The husband's role is to________________. The wife's role is to ________________. How

Scripture Reading -Ephesians 5:28-33

Scripture Reading -I Peter 3:7-11

Scripture Reading -I Thess. 5:11-18

2. What is the difference between "constructive" and "destructive" criticism?

Scripture Reading -I Corinthians 13

2. What is the spiritual significance of the sexual act?

Additional Recommended Reading:

• Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Thomas Nelson Pub.

• The Strong-Willed Wife by Dr. Debbie Cherry NavPress Pub.

• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman Zondervan Pub.

Scripture Reading -Ephesians 4:26-32

I. What does it mean to "be angry and sin not"?

1. According to Psalm 127:1, what is the most important "ingredient" in a home?

3. What Biblical mothers have encouraged you as a mother, and why?

1. WISDOM (Mental development)

Scripture Reading -Psalm 139:1-12

Scripture Reading -Psalm 139: 13-24

Scripture Reading -Philippians 4:4-9

Scripture Reading -Daniel 1:8-16

Scripture Reading -II Tim. 1:3-6

Scripture Reading -Deut. 6:4-12

Scripture Reading -Ephesians 6:10-18

Scripture Reading -Hebrews 12:5-11

2. If we do not "discipline" our children, what assumption may be made?

• Focus on the Family Radio/Podcast and Free Family / Pastor’s Magazine

• Love Languages for Children Gary Chapman Northfield Pub.

Week 25 -"YOU AND YOUR FAMILY" (10)

Scripture Reading -I Timothy 4: 11-16

2. What other ways are we to be examples (vs. 13-15)?

2. The husband's role is to. The wife's role is to . How