Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Readme: Campus Apathy Manifests Into Giant Watches Giant Cartoons
Readme: Campus Apathy Manifests Into Giant Watches Giant Cartoons
readme
issue #7,000,002
Internet: $3 Sep. 10 -Sep. 16, 2003
www.activitiesboard.orglreadme
Carnegie Melton's leading source of bad karma since 1895 -brought to you by the Activities Board
After Four Years in Hiding, The Real Slim Shady Heroically Stands Up
Following the popularity of Eminem's hit TRSS: Well, I was like every norma137 year- But I was proud, so I put one of those fin-
song of the same name, The Real Slim old guy, I was living with my parents and I gers on each hand up and stood up.
Shady, or Bob Ritchie, attempted to escape had a pretty decent job at Burger King, spit-
over-exposure and went into hiding. He quit tin' on your onion rings. readme: What was the first thing you did
his job and took up hiding in his parents' after standing up?
basement refusing to stand up. For four readme: Why go into hiding? TRSS: I got into car and found the closest
long years, he remained sitting or laying TRSS: I had this nickname way before parking lot I could find. I rolled mjT windows
down, but now that he has finally stood up, Eminem even got the idea for this song. I down and turned my system up. Then I did
readme has scored an exclusive interview was afraid people would make fun of me donuts and screamed "I don't give a f*~k."
with this fake personality. because of it. He just kept asking for me to
stand up and pretty soon all my co-workers readme: Thanks for the interview
readme: How'd you get the nickname? would ask me to stand up. I guess they TRSS: No problem. Can I talk about my
The Real Slim Shady: Well, my friends thought it was funny. new album?
always told. me I kept it real all the time, and
I'm pretty skinny. Also, I'm a total pervert, readme: So why did you choose now to readme: Sure
which is kind of shady. come out of hiding? TRSS: Yea, so my new album drops next
TRSS: Well, the song's popularity sort of month. It's produced by the real Dr. Dre.
readme: What was going on in your life, died down and I realized that I was pretty We're representin' the 412 fo shizzle.
right before the song was released? much out of my mind and out of control.
1ssue 7,000,002 - readme p. 3 - September 10 -September 16
Does the frequency of your significant What do you look for in a sig fig?
other's (hereafter referred to as "sig fig") a) Nice body
Did someone say threesome? calls merit a restraining order? b) Nice personality
a) Haha, `Tes, I can't even answer the phone c) Nice smell
Is that a Newton in your pocket or you anymore. Help. d) Dual genitalia
just happy to see me? b} Though the heavy breathing gets out of Do you want to break up with your old
control, I guess I don't really mind. sig fig?
I'd like to fsck your hard drive c) No, but I really wish he/she would call a) Yes.
more... b) No.
Can I insert a node into your binary tree? d) Yes, but I'm really into the stalker thing.
Have you received mail from your sig fig Now, the all-important key to the quiz:
Hey baby, can I probe your MAC address? since starting CMU?
a) Yes, I get e-mail notifications of packages Mostly a's: You've already moved past your
Mind if I link to your libraries? everyday flowers and candy. old sig fig; why are you even taking this quiz?
b) Yes, but only one, letting me know how Get with the new hottie and start making
I've got a FireWire. Got a port? much he/she misses me. babies.
c) No, but I've sent him/her a few letters, Mostly b's: You're a fence-sitter, which
You seem to have a couple security holes. letting him/her know I miss him/her. means you can't truly be committed to of
mind if I patch them? d) Bondage gear, Pissing Grannies magazine, rusty back home. Give it up: break up with
rotten fruit, and dismembered livestock. him/her, find a new hottie and start making
Want to go up to my room and see my Have you already found a suitable babies.
iPod? replacement sig fig here at CMU? Mostly c's: You're whipped. There is no
a) Yes, and we've had sex while avoiding the hope for you, and, believe it or not, your sig
Can I grep your source tree? old one's calls. fig from home is cheating on you. With me.
b) Yes, but I feel really bad about it. Give it up: break up with him/her, find a
Can I load my device driver into your ker- c) No, I would never dream of cheating on new hottie .and start making babies.
nel? him/her. A to question 6: Break up with your old sig
d) Yes, but the old one is cool with it, and is ~•
I'd like to analyze your algorithm. really looking forward to playing the filling B to question 6: You're in denial; break up
o f ~an OREO. with your old sig fig.
Which parts of you are executable? Which of the following makes the most Mostly d's: You and your sig fig are both
ideal partner? sick, and you're made for one another.
Up for a port scan? a) Ron Jeremy People like you make life more interesting,
b) Glory hole in the men's bathroom but we're going to have to tell you to break
I'd like to manipulate ~=our bits. c) What? up. We're not really comfortable with the
d}Abreast pump idea of you making babies.
My uptime is over a month, and growing.