OKAY

 
 
Okay.   Here   it   goes.   I’m   gonna   do   it.   This   instant.   Right   now.   I’m   gonna   do   it   and   I  
don’t  give  fuck.  I’m  not  gonna  hesitate.  I’m  not  gonna  ponder.  Words  like  that  –  
they’re   a   thing   from   the   past.   You   know   what   I’m   saying?   I’m   saying   ‘Goodbye  
hesitation!   Goodbye   Ponder!   Fuck   off   and   don’t   come   back.’   If   there   was   a  
graveyard   for   unwanted   words,   you   know   what   I’d   do?   I’d   put   hesitate   and  
ponder   six   feet   under   and   I’d   dance   on   their   graves.   Know   why?   Because   my  
whole  life  –  my  whole  fucking  life  –  has  been  ruined  by  those  two  bastard  words.  
The   opportunities   –   Jesus!   –   the   opportunities   they’ve   robbed   my   off.   Why?  
Because  when  an  opportunity  came  my  way  –  did  I  grab  it  and  go  ‘Wow!  What  
luck!’?  No.  I  did  not.  What  did  I  do?  I  hesitated.  I  pondered.  And  opportunity  –  it  
doesn’t   hang   around   for   long.   Oh,   no.   It’s   a   restless   fucker.   If   you   don’t   grab   an  
opportunity  quick  enough  –  Voosh!  It’s  off.  You  don’t  see  it  for  dust.  And  once  it’s  
gone,  believe  me,  there’s  a  long  fucking  wait  before  the  next  opportunity  comes  
your  way.  Tell  me,  how  many  times  do  you  think  an  opportunity  –  a  really  good  
opportunity  –  comes  along?  In  an  average  lifetime?  Not  many.  And  that  is  why  –  
that’s   why!   –   I’m   about   to   change   my   whole  attitude   to   opportunities.   Listen!   I  
happen   to   have   it   on   a   good   authority   –   very   good   authority   –   there’s   an  
opportunity  coming  my  way  this  very  instant  –  as  we  speak  –  and,  believe  me,  I  
am   gonna   grab   it   so   fast   you’ll   be   calling   me   ‘Speedy   Gonzales’.   I’m   gonna   grab   it  
so  tight  –  I  tell  you!  –  If  it  had  eyes  they’d  go  pop.  Hear  me?  Pop!  And,  be  assured,  
you   will   not   see   one   flicker   of   my   previous   proclivity   to   ponder.   And   you  
certainly   will   not   –   repeat:   not   –   catch   me   doing   any   thinking   and   worrying  
either.  There’s  another  two  words  I’d  bury  –  No!  I’d  burn  them.  Burn  at  the  stake  
for   hindering   humanity’s   right   to   make   a   decision.   Everyone   used   to   tell   me   I  
thought   about   things   too   much.   I   didn’t   believe   them.   But   then   I   thought   about   it  
and  I  realised  –  They’re  right!  You  know  what  I’ve  never  had?  Spontaneity.  I’ve  
never  had  spontaneity  and  I’ve  never  had…  what’s  the  other  word?  Impulsivity.  
If  there  was  a  maternity  ward  for  words  I’d  be  there  in  a  flash  and  the  two  words  
I’d  adopt?  Spontaneity  and  Impulsivity.  I’d  be  the  proudest  parent  in  the  world.    
Why?   Because   with   words   like   that   in   my   life   I’d   be   able   to   grab   any   opportunity  
that   came   my   way   and   to   the   hell   with   the   consequences!   And   once   I’d   done   that  
–  once  I’d  done  the  grabbing!  –  I  would  actually  start  participating  in  life,  and  not  
just   anticipating   it.   You   know   what   my   motto’s   gonna   be   from   now   on?  
Participate,   don’t   anticipate.   Good,   eh?   I’m   gonna   have   t-­‐shirts   made.   Big   bold  
letters.  ‘PARTICIPATE  DON’T  ANTICIPATE!’  And  –  true  to  my  word  –  I’m  about  to  
put  that  motto  –  my  motto  –  into  practice  and  grab  the  opportunity  that’s  coming  
my   way.   Don’t   believe   me?   Watch.   You   watching?   Eh?   All   of   you?   Watching?  
Okay?  Okay