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Bullying in School: The Traumatic Effects of Bullying On Children
Bullying in School: The Traumatic Effects of Bullying On Children
Bullying on Children
The issue of bullying has plagued many school systems in the US. We
have all read about issues of bullying causing students to take drastic
measures to make the pain stop. Unfortunately, many of these drastic
measures have resulted in suicide and/or murder. In 2010, a 15-year-old
immigrant from Ireland took her own life because of excessive bullying.
A New York Times article noted that the “defendants were accused of
relentlessly tormenting Ms. Prince” (Eckholm, 2011).
Even the president has taken a strong stance on the issue of bullying. He
stated, “We’ve got to dispel this myth that bullying is just a normal rite of
passage” (Anderson, 2010).
Recently I watched a video about a young man who successfully sued his
school district for turning a blind eye to the abuses he suffered from bullies
because he was gay. The vicious acts he suffered lasted from middle
school through his secondary-school years. Fortunately, this young man
had helpers who encouraged him to fight back against a system that
condoned the abuse. Unfortunately, many targets of bullies do not have the
chance to fight back. The bullying they suffer sometimes triggers other
traumatic events they have suffered; it sometimes even causes victims to
become bullies themselves. The trickle-down effect thus becomes an ugly
reality for many sufferers.
The world of bullying has a life of its own. It takes no prisoners and its
effects can be long lasting and endemic in some cases. Recently, an
individual I worked with shared with me some of his personal secrets and
how those personal secrets still plague his life today. He shared with me
tales of such extreme bullying that his parents had to remove him from the
private school they had sent him to, and educate him at home. This
individual would not fit the bill for what most people would say looks like a
victim. He was often taller and heavier than his peers.
Now in his early thirties, he tells his story with such energy that it is obvious
that the pain and trauma he suffered as a result of the vicious acts
continues to affect him. He told me that he dreaded the bus rides to school.
He told me that kids would pull and twist his nipples on a daily basis so
that, at times, his nipples would bleed. This individual noted that his parents
made the decision to homeschool him because they could no longer
endure the pain they experienced in seeing their son tortured and
humiliated.
For instance, a child who has been repeatedly bullied on the playground
may exhibit oppositional behaviors in class or may turn in incomplete work
just to ensure that she has to stay inside while others are on recess. The
child doesn’t pay attention in class, and her thoughts revolve around
staying away from the playground. The fear of reprimand for the behavior is
less than the fear of being bullied at recess.
I have found it especially helpful as a school principal to meet with the bully
first, and to have him process and reflect on the situation. I then invite the
victim to my office and have the bully and the victim meet. Making things
right with the victim lessens the bully’s sense of power and control over the
victim. This process also allows me to empower the victim and provide him
with new tools of confidence and assertion.